/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Danger posted:

Maybe I'm not familiar with the story, but it sounds like that dude didn't want to give up his parental rights? Did he force her to get be up hers? I'm pretty sure that's not legal and exactly what we are talking about shouldn't be if it is. The woman has control over her own body and the dude shouldn't have any kind of absolute say in whether she decides to carry the baby, but when the kid is born it has a dad and a mom and neither has like a controlling stake. I know capitalism is pretty much cynical to its core but that kid isn't property.

Basically what at least ArbC seems to be arguing is that because of the state of reproductive rights in this country, in many cases it might be the only path out of an unwanted pregnancy where abortion isn't available and so morally not letting her adopt out the baby is the same as denying an abortion.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 21:48

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# ? Jun 11, 2024 21:12

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

I apologize for contributing to a derail. Let me tithe you some content:

My[25M] girlfriend[24F] gives 10% of her small income to the church, while I support us

quote:

I love my girlfriend of 2 years dearly. She's a fantastic woman and such a great, kind person.
I've been supporting her for almost a year as she attends the police academy. Her part time income of $340 a week is small and I let her spend it all on girl supplies, contacts and other essentials. I don't expect her to pay for a lot. We both knew this before she moved in. But when we runs out of money for academy supplies, such as her uniform, I can't help but feel hurt knowing she would have had the money if she didn't donate 10% of each paycheck to the church.
Her argument is that she wouldn't be where she is today without the church. In her mind 10% is the least she owes. Her pastor gave a talk today about how that 10% wasn't even theirs in the first place, it was gods. It was bizarre.
I work my butt off as a developer and can't help but feeling like she is going along for the ride with my income. She feels bad I take the burden, and says she will pay for nearly everything when she's hired as a deputy. But it hurts.

tl;dr: I support my girlfriend as she makes little money, as she gives 10% to her church. Promises to make it up when she's hired.

In the comments it turns out that tithing might be the least of their worries.

quote:

| Her part time income of $340 a week is small and I let her spend it all on girl supplies, contacts and other essentials.
| I don't expect her to pay for a lot. We both knew this before she moved in.

Wait, that's $17,680 a year. That is not pocket change. I make about that much per year. My boyfriend makes a decent amount more than me. I still pay for half the rent, some groceries, some utilities, my car expenses (for an admittedly short commute), and still have money to buy myself necessary things, like new clothes or shoes when something wears out.

If you live somewhere with much higher rents, she might not be able to pay a big percentage of that, but she should be able to pay for some of your shared expenses and still buy some "girl supplies," whatever that means. (I just don't see you anyone could spend $340 a week on tampons and make-up, the only generally gender-specific purchases I could think of.)

To me, it seems like right now, your problem is not the $34 a week she tithes to her church, but the other $306 she's spending on miscellaneous stuff.
Of course, if you stay together longer term and she's making a lot more money, it almost seems like more of a big deal when she's giving thousands of tens of thousands of dollars per year to her church.

OP posted:

Yea, it's not pocket money. Her academy was $5000 but that's not near 17000. I'll need to have her tell me to get the full picture and make a plan. I feel like I'm being played.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 21:49

Danger: Jan 4, 2004; all desire - the thirst for oil, war, religious salvation - needs to be understood according to what he calls 'the demonogrammatical decoding of the Earth's body'

fruit on the bottom posted:

Basically what at least ArbC seems to be arguing is that because of the state of reproductive rights in this country, in many cases it might be the only path out of an unwanted pregnancy where abortion isn't available and so morally not letting her adopt out the baby is the same as denying an abortion.

Yea, I can certainly see that as a problem. Yea the whole landscape is hosed up and that shouldn't be the case. The remedy isn't unilaterally revoking a parent's rights though without cause. On the flip side, in this awful hypothetical, the father should also be required to the woman's post partum care in the nightmare world we find ourselves in.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 21:53

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

fruit on the bottom posted:

Basically what at least ArbC seems to be arguing is that because of the state of reproductive rights in this country, in many cases it might be the only path out of an unwanted pregnancy where abortion isn't available and so morally not letting her adopt out the baby is the same as denying an abortion.

I appreciate this, fwiw I think that if we had better safety nets in place I'd be fine with the concept of the bio father getting first "dibs" so to speak as I see the inherent potential issues in the state trying to regulate whether a wealthier adoptive family would be better parents than a 20 something who could still be a great dad. My opinion mostly boils down to the current state of affairs and not a hypothetical ideal.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 22:02

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

My atonement offering for my part in the derail:

A friend [22F] of mine [24M] is an actress. She got a small role in a major TV show... but it's a nude scene. Do I congratulate her for it?Non-Romantic

quote:

So not much else to the title. I live in LA and work on the business side of entertainment. I've got a good friend who's an actress/dancer whose been doing the typical actress grind etc. Total gem of a person.

I was recently on a subreddit dedicated to showcasing nudity in Film/TV when I was flabbergasted to discover my friend on it. This is a major TV show and it's very clearly her... but she's also completely naked. In fact, I went to go watch the episode and the whole point of her character is to be a naked sex object.

On one hand, I know professionally this must be a huge step for her. She might have even gotten her SAG card from this role. On the other... do I congratulate her on it? I will probably have to watch the whole show now but she hasn't mentioned this role at all on her instagram (which like most actresses she uses to promote herself) or on Facebook so I'm not sure if I never bring it up or do it privately? I feel like I accidentally stumbled into something I wasn't supposed to see.

TL;DR: Good friend appears in a TV show naked. Do I pretend it never happened or...?

"Hey I saw you on tv, you looked good naked. Wait, sorry I didn't mean that. I mean not that you look bad naked. But the part on the show. That was good. You were good. At the part. Nudity. Wow!"

Got home from long trip to new tenants in apartment - MA

quote:

'm sorry if this is short, they have my computer so I'm using my phone.
I went on a month and a half trip, starting mid June. I told my landlord about this in writing (email) and gave them permission to enter the apartment to do minor repairs. My lease is until mid September and I absolutely made no mention of moving out. I'm paid out through mid next month and supposedly the last month is already covered as I paid it up front with my deposit.

I arrived at my apartment (a studio in a small building) a bit over three hours ago to find the chain on the door preventing me from opening it even though my key worked. Almost immediately I heard screaming from the people inside since they thought I was breaking in. I said that it's my apartment which they denied... even though I could see my pc and they were drinking out of my cups. They claimed that they rented the apartment as fully furnished and that I needed to gently caress off since it and its contents are theirs fair and square. I pointed out the computer only to find that they had basically trashed it since they couldn't unlock it. It's a custom built machine and definitely is (or was) my most valuable possession, I don't understand why they could possibly think it would be included as a furnishing. I also had tons of clothes in the closet and drawer (assumed trashed now) and the sheets on the bed are mine. I know this, it's a factory defect set I got on sale so the chances of them having their own is next to none.

I called the police who showed up surprisingly quickly, but the other people have a lease and recent mail for the address. I have no idea what they've been doing with my mail since the locked box was emptied.
Since we both have leases the police couldn't do anything tonight. I'm in a hotel. I'm not sure what the hell I can do. I'm concerned that now this is happening they'll sell off my stuff or otherwise be spiteful. Lots of the kitchenware are family heirlooms and can't be replaced, they have what's left of my pc, and all my furniture. I'm assuming the clothes and me-specific stuff is long gone already. I tried to grab some photos to show that they have my stuff but they shut the door when they saw so I only managed a couple blurry pics.

I can't get a hold of my landlord and my new place isn't available for another month and a half. Since these people have been there for a month I'm scared that they have to be formally evicted and I'll have nowhere to live for the next few weeks. All my stuff is basically gone, especially if they try to get rid of the unique things. All I have is the small amount of clothing I had for my trip.

Edit 1: Oh wow, thank you all for the advice! I was in full blown panic last night so I'm sorry I couldn't respond quickly. I'll try to answer questions here so everyone doesn't have to search! I apologize if anything is disjointed, I'm trying to cover as much as possible.

I still can't contact my landlord but I left messages both last night and this morning. A case has been opened with my insurance but they said not much can be done immediately because it's Sunday. I'm waiting on hearing from them before reaching out to a lawyer myself. I'm about to try the organizations suggested, hopefully they can help even more with specific information since I can't post everything here without being identified!

I do have a copy of the lease, it was all done online. I don't have the printed version though, it was in the apartment. When I moved in I paid 4x one month's rent: first month, last month, security deposit, and broker fee. I've always paid within a couple hours of rent being posted (it's an online system for all this landlord's property units) and have never missed any utilities, I know for sure this isn't from lack of payment. I had my passport with me since I was traveling outside the country so that's good!

The landlord responded to my email, they definitely received it and acknowledged the trip. I did get home early though, as someone mentioned. By about two weeks, it was originally a two month trip. Maybe they were renting the apartment as a really short term sublet and hoping I wouldn't find out? I'm a little hopeful that they might have put my clothing in storage if so...

I'm in a neighborhood of Boston, one of the more popular ones for students. People do sublet pretty often, after reading some of these comments maybe it isn't as weird to have so much of my stuff after all.

One thing did come up while checking out apartment details was that my electricity was off. I have autopay so I didn't even see the bill amount from last week, but if I had paid manually I (hopefully) would have noticed that my apartment was somehow using more power than usual.

The only thing that should have been running was the fridge, everything else was entirely unplugged! The wifi is also still in my name and the password was on a sticky note. I imagine the new residents were told that the landlord was covering all utilities so that may also not be their fault. Same goes for the mail, they could have just thought it was a wrong address.

I guess what I'm thinking is maybe the new residents are just as much the victims here. Their aggressive reaction could easily just be the stress of having a stranger try to get in the apartment and then call the cops. That'd make me defensive!

I do have a possibly stupid follow up question. I'm spending the day making a list of the items I had in the apartment. Unfortunately my receipt box was in the unit so that doesn't help, thankfully most of my computer's parts were ordered online so I have that. The main question is, when deciding value does custom tailoring come into play at all? This morning I remembered that my bridesmaid dress for an upcoming wedding was in the closet. The dress itself is only a few hundred dollars (expensive but not crazy for weddings!) but it had a ton of custom work for sizing and neck line modifications. It'll be a pain to replace if I even can in time. Would it be worthwhile to try and contact the current residents to see if they kept any clothing? Or would that hurt my case?

Also, is it better to stay in a hotel while this is getting sorted out? I'm staying with a friend right now (didn't want to bother her so late last night) but again, I'm not sure if hotels are better because of the paper trail.

Not much has happened, tomorrow should have more progress!

# ? Jul 30, 2017 22:02

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

fruit on the bottom posted:

Got home from long trip to new tenants in apartment - MA

This landlord, is, to use a legal term, turbofucked.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 22:08

Universe Master: Jun 20, 2005; Darn Fine Pie

Wouldn't they get suspicious about a furnished computer they can't unlock, and a closet/chest of drawers full of clothing?

# ? Jul 30, 2017 22:13

precision: May 7, 2006; by VideoGames

fruit on the bottom posted:

My atonement offering for my part in the derail:

A friend [22F] of mine [24M] is an actress. She got a small role in a major TV show... but it's a nude scene. Do I congratulate her for it?Non-Romantic

Gee why do I get the feeling this guy's "non-romantic" disclaimer is disingenuous

# ? Jul 30, 2017 22:13

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

Jesus just airb&bing it while he was away would be ballsy this is something else.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 22:24

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

Ride The Gravitron posted:

I [28M] think I cost myself my wife and son [27F&3M]. I took my eyes off him while playing a video game and something bad could have happened.

Don't date/marry gamers

Doesn't have to be a gamer. When I was like 3, I got out the front door and ran down the street to the McDonalds parking lot to chase seagulls. My dad didn't tell my mom about it for months.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 22:24

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Avenging_Mikon posted:

Doesn't have to be a gamer. When I was like 3, I got out the front door and ran down the street to the McDonalds parking lot to chase seagulls. My dad didn't tell my mom about it for months.

I mean yeah this kind of thing can happen with any indoor hobby (or even work) you get focused on but I feel like in this case it was prolly an ongoing issue where this was the last straw.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 22:32

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Avenging_Mikon posted:

Doesn't have to be a gamer. When I was like 3, I got out the front door and ran down the street to the McDonalds parking lot to chase seagulls. My dad didn't tell my mom about it for months.

When I was like 4 I hid under a blanket or something when my parents left the room. They couldn't find me and freaked out worried that I had left the house or worse. I thought it was hilarious. My parents, as you might imagine, were substantially less amused.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 22:34

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

I (26M) think I'm falling for a stripper (20sF), but have reservations and am unsure how to proceed

quote:

I apologize in advance if I drone on a little too long (I tend to do that quite a bit).

I'm 26 (nearly 27) and have never been in a serious relationship. When I was younger I was never one to go out to clubs/bars or party around too much, but about a year ago a buddy of mine started working as a DJ at a strip club. After a while of teasing and such he managed to convince me to go under the guise of just hanging out with him. I had never even considered going to strip clubs, not that I looked down on people going there but it just didn't seem like the place I would like to be, or where I would find people I would like being around.

Now, most of my initial visits just involved me sitting next to my friend and chatting with him when he wasn't busy or having some drinks with other friends when we went together. I resisted their suggestions to get a dance, but I still gave tips to whoever was performing on stage. They still needed to make a living, after all and I'm single and have a well-paying, stable job. One girl, however, ended up catching my eye. I'll look past the obvious physical attraction I had for her: I thought she was cute, but more "clean-cut" than a lot of the other dancers (some of the other girls weren't exactly classy people). I noticed that when she was performing she never really smiled or tried to look sexy and often looked very serious or disinterested.

I asked my friend about her, and he said that some of the girls felt she was aloof and conceited but he had personally never had any problems with her. I sucked up my reservations and got a dance from her. I'll say that my hormones were pleased but once again I found it a bit odd that she just seemed to be going through the motions. I got a few more dances from her over the next couple weeks, each seemingly confirming the talk of her being aloof.

About 2 months after I started to get dances from her she randomly asked me why I kept getting dances from her and no one else when other girls would show more interest in me and give me better attention. I asked her if that bothered her, which she said no. I got a little brave and asked her why she never seemed happy. I'll cut the details but the gist of it was she had gone to college for dance and after graduating found it difficult to get a role somewhere and since she didn't really care about being seen naked and she got to do some sort of dancing she end ed up working as a stripper. She's still tried applying for more traditional roles but she was making pretty good money and so here she was. She didn't mind the work too much but hated some of the people she had met through it. We ended up just talking for about 10-15 minutes and I really enjoyed it.

Over the next few months I would still get dances from her but she was much more friendly with me. Sometimes if there weren't that many other customers there she would just sit next to me and we would just talk. I guess she got more comfortable with me and started talking about her personal life with me quite a bit, and we also had a few similar interests that we talked about as well. My friend noticed that I was coming in and only talking to her and asked me if I was actually going after her, and if I was to just consider that the girls are just trying to do their jobs and not get my hopes up. This was already in my mind so I decided to put it out of my mind and just try to enjoy chatting with her even if she was in it for the money (I still got a few dances from her and gave her money if we talked while there were other customers).

Well last week I went on a day she normally works and she wasn't there, so I just chatted with my friend. She wasn't there another day too. Yesterday she was there, but something seemed off when I tried talking to her. I asked for a dance in a private room and after a few minutes in the dance something still seemed off so I asked her what was bothering her. She said nothing, but I persisted and she suddenly sat down next to me and started crying. She then started telling me what she's been through and why she was gone for a few days. Basically her sister found out she was indeed working as an exotic dancer. But her sister didn't have a problem with it, instead she appeared to show interest in being one herself (sister wanted to be a photographer but was having second thoughts about her career prospects). She was depressed she was a poor influence on her sister in giving her ideas to not do what she really wanted, since she herself had lost all her ambition and was resigned to just being a stripper for the money. She admitted she actually hated working as a stripper.

I tried putting my arm around her to comfort her but to say the least it was very awkward to be sitting next to a stripper who is half naked and crying (I was worried I would get kicked out). I let her vent/finish and tried to cheer her up and tell her she could still do what she wanted to do, that it isn't too late, etc. She didn't seem convinced so I got up and said maybe I should leave, and tried to pay her, but she refused and said that she ruined my experience by making me listen to her problems. I said it wasn't a problem and insisted she accept the payment, and as I was about to leave the room she said thanks for listening and putting up with me for so long and hugged me.

When I got home I found that she actually snuck the money into my back pocket when we were hugging. I really like her and wanted to try asking her out, but I couldn't get over the fact she might be in it for the money only/she's just doing her job, but her giving the money back has me rethinking my reservations. I'm not sure how I can even proceed, or how to even ask her if I should, since I only see her at the club. I mean, I don't think I even know her real name.

TL;DR I'm falling for a stripper I have become a regular customer for, but am having reservations that she is merely doing her job. However she appeared to show that she thought of me as more than just a customer and am unsure how to proceed.

This will end well. Also,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKcr5vkOxNs

# ? Jul 30, 2017 22:40

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

If everything in that post happened exactly the way he portrayed it, he probably has the best chance anyone has ever had at getting an actual honest date out of their favorite stripper, and those odds are still like 100:1 against

# ? Jul 30, 2017 22:48

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Outrail posted:

I need to know how old the other guy and his wife are. Any takes on 'Guy is late 30's, wife is late 20's/early 30's and they got married about 5 years previously?

My bets are guy is 38, his wife is 37 or so, the ex-girlfriend is 22 and the storyeller is 23.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 22:50

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Haifisch posted:

Pull up, thread!

Me [24 F] with my boyfriend [32M] of 3 years, he explains simple poo poo to me and it's driving me bonkers

age gap, aspergers. they go hand in hand. every woman his age has already dated one of these and learned her lesson and got the gently caress out. he's a relict, let him die that way

# ? Jul 30, 2017 22:52

precision: May 7, 2006; by VideoGames

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

If everything in that post happened exactly the way he portrayed it, he probably has the best chance anyone has ever had at getting an actual honest date out of their favorite stripper, and those odds are still like 100:1 against

I've dated three strippers and exactly none of them or anyone they worked with has ever dated a customer. More like 1000:1

Pick posted:

My bets are guy is 38, his wife is 37 or so, the ex-girlfriend is 22 and the storyeller is 23.

Pick posted:

age gap

I feel like jumping right to age gaps is something with a story behind it

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:02

TOOT BOOT: May 25, 2010

I met a stripper through online dating in like 2000, except I made the mistake of saying stripper and she got super pissed off and said 'I am NOT a stripper, I am an exotic dancer, I dance at a gentleman's club and it's classy!' and I found it so hilarious I egged her on instead of trying to salvage things

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:24

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Avenging_Mikon posted:

Doesn't have to be a gamer. When I was like 3, I got out the front door and ran down the street to the McDonalds parking lot to chase seagulls. My dad didn't tell my mom about it for months.

Yeah as soon as kids figure out how to open doors as well as walk the potential for trouble gets a lot huger. But that's why you should probably be in the same room as the kid and if you're doing your own thing keeping an eye on them and seeing what they're doing if they toddle off. Being far away enough you can't even hear the back door opening and closing is not a great sign.

Anything the wife would probably not be moving out and taking the son over this if there wasn't a pattern of the OP neglecting his childcare for his own personal interests. It reads like a last straw to me.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:25

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

My [32M] fiancee [32F] insists on wearing a bikini top that she pops out of and I am uncomfortable with this.

quote:

The title pretty much says it all. She bought a bikini top that is already too small for her and I expressed that it did not fit immediately and she responded "well, if something happens, I will stop wearing it."

We went to my dad's and on two occasions I had to tell her that her nipple was exposed. I thought that this would be the end of it, but then she went on a work trip with male and female company a few states away (without me) and packed that bathing suit. I have been biting my tongue about it for a couple weeks since she came back but then she just went swimming on the boat with my family and when she came out of the water, her entire breast was out.

I really do not feel comfortable with this and now all I can think of is that the likelihood that her coworkers have seen her breasts, despite her promise to stop wearing this, is a very strong one.
Whatever.. gently caress it. Who cares what I think, I'm just being controlling, right? That's what she's telling me anyway.

tl;dr: Girlfriend bought a bikini top that hardly fits and promised to stop wearing it if her breasts pop out. They have been popping out quite often and she snuck the outfit to wear with her work friends to a pool party that I was not invited to.

Dude should just wear some really short shorts and hang brain around her family.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:28

Mak0rz: Aug 2, 2008; 😎🐗🚬

it's important that your bikinis for properly especially at 32F

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:30

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

Quit bragging about your GF's big boobs, rear end in a top hat

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:30

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [32M] fiancee [32F] insists on wearing a bikini top that she pops out of and I am uncomfortable with this.

Dude should just wear some really short shorts and hang brain around her family.

Ah, to be a guest at that wedding... :allears:

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:31

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Pick posted:

age gap, aspergers. they go hand in hand. every woman his age has already dated one of these and learned her lesson and got the gently caress out. he's a relict, let him die that way

It's not even just the Aspergers though. I mean I am not discounting there being a physical biochemical reason for differences in presentation of symptoms in men and women, but Aspergers doesn't make you incapable of empathy. I honestly don't understand all these people who get away with horrific behavior bc Aspergers and then people going 'well it's the Aspergers, don't date a guy with Aspergers'. Like I've got autistic dude friends who aren't like that at ALL so honestly I think it's just like... a specifically toxic combination of symptomatic stuff with good old-fashioned entitlement?

Why do people get in relationships with people they don't understand and who don't understand them in the first place? The expectation that things will change as they hit a certain intimacy level?

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:34

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

This is also from OP

quote:

This is true and hits very close to home.

I was married to a very prudish girl who was rather ashamed of her own A cups because she lived a very abusive life and was told how unappealing she is. (She was fine, they were very nice and I was super attracted to her)
But anytime a movie came on that showed another woman's breasts, she would throw a fit, stomp off, and treat me with resentment for days.. as though I planned for there to be boobs in some content that I had never seen.

Anyway, she would also accuse me of cheating regularly, go through my phone, get angry about every woman I knew (I have been a hair stylist and a tattoo artist with many female clients) and pretty much made me quit all of the jobs I enjoyed because of her jealousy.

Additionally, if she ever caught even a hint that I was viewing porn (which is usually at least once a day ever since I was a pre-teen) we would be fighting for at least a week.

Fast forward a few years, she cheats on me, we divorce, I start dating and now have been in a relationship for two years with the best woman. If there are tits on tv, she will point them out to me, she goes to strip clubs with me and tells me that I am too uptight in these situations.. which is true, because my ex conditioned me to fear my own basic human attractions, even though I have no intent on acting on them.

This is really a warning to anyone like OP who does not have an understanding partner. This isn't healthy to live in fear of the naked human form. You should be cool if your lady sees some wieners and she should be cool with you seeing some lady bits. Just don't be touching or romancing with other people without permission from your partner.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:36

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

PetraCore posted:

It's not even just the Aspergers though. I mean I am not discounting there being a physical biochemical reason for differences in presentation of symptoms in men and women, but Aspergers doesn't make you incapable of empathy. I honestly don't understand all these people who get away with horrific behavior bc Aspergers and then people going 'well it's the Aspergers, don't date a guy with Aspergers'. Like I've got autistic dude friends who aren't like that at ALL so honestly I think it's just like... a specifically toxic combination of symptomatic stuff with good old-fashioned entitlement?

Why do people get in relationships with people they don't understand and who don't understand them in the first place? The expectation that things will change as they hit a certain intimacy level?

I blame TBBT, personally. They've normalized "Asperger's means you're allowed to be a douche".

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:36

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Absurd Alhazred posted:

I blame TBBT, personally. They've normalized "Asperger's means you're allowed to be a douche".

Yeah... like I've got understanding for tone mismatch and other symptomatic stuff but then there's people who just make no effort to treat other people decently at ALL and it's infuriating. Combine that with 'autism makes you a savant, right?' and 'smart people are allowed to be assholes because they're more valuable than dumb people' and you get, well. :spergin:

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:39

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Absurd Alhazred posted:

I blame TBBT, personally. They've normalized "Asperger's means you're allowed to be a douche".

That and the internet has a long trend of lumping things under Asperger's that have nothing to do with :spergin:

, so just about every negative nerdy/know-it-all personality trait has been blamed on the sperg at some point.

Basically people can't handle the idea that sometimes people are just assholes without some form of brokebrains behind it.

Haifisch fucked around with this message at 23:43 on Jul 30, 2017

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:41

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [32M] fiancee [32F] insists on wearing a bikini top that she pops out of and I am uncomfortable with this.

Dude should just wear some really short shorts and hang brain around her family.

I feel like this coulda been a p neutral story prone to exaggeration but there's enough specific details that either translate to the OP flagrantly lying or the lady flashing her coworkers in private pool parties looking for some outside attention.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:48

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Haifisch posted:

That and the internet has a long trend of lumping things under Asperger's that have nothing to do with , so just about every negative nerdy/know-it-all personality trait has been blamed on the sperg at some point.

Basically people can't handle the idea that sometimes people are just assholes without some form of brokebrains behind it.

It's more than that. I think people use developmental disabilities or mental illness as a reason to tolerate abusive behavior.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:50

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

It can be both!

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:51

Universe Master: Jun 20, 2005; Darn Fine Pie

ArbitraryC posted:

I feel like this coulda been a p neutral story prone to exaggeration but there's enough specific details that either translate to the OP flagrantly lying or the lady flashing her coworkers in private pool parties looking for some outside attention.

Unless she's also trying to gently caress his dad, it seems more like a woman who is very cool with sex is also very cool with exhibitionism.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:51

precision: May 7, 2006; by VideoGames

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [32M] fiancee [32F] insists on wearing a bikini top that she pops out of and I am uncomfortable with this.

These are the ones that I keep thinking are fake or there's way more going on because I can't understand either of the people in this story as it's presented.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:52

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Absurd Alhazred posted:

It's more than that. I think people use developmental disabilities or mental illness as a reason to tolerate abusive behavior.

Yeah, I agree with this. Even in cases where someone isn't actually mentally ill! Like how with every time there's a mass shooting the media immediately jumps on 'so what mental illness did this person have that caused this', even when the thing that caused it is they're an rear end in a top hat who considers it appropriate to take their own issues out on unrelated people.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:52

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Universe Master posted:

Unless she's also trying to gently caress his dad, it seems more like a woman who is very cool with sex is also very cool with exhibitionism.

I just think it'd be kinda funny to see an OP that basically covered the same topic but didn't explicitly mention visible nips or her top coming off.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:54

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

PetraCore posted:

Yeah, I agree with this. Even in cases where someone isn't actually mentally ill! Like how with every time there's a mass shooting the media immediately jumps on 'so what mental illness did this person have that caused this', even when the thing that caused it is they're an rear end in a top hat who considers it appropriate to take their own issues out on unrelated people.

Well, whether or not people look to mental illness as a factor when there's a mass shooting depends strongly on the perpetrator's ethnicity. :smith:

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:55

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Malachite_Dragon posted:

It can be both!

Also people don't have a very good grasp of what mental illnesses/disabilities mean and like tossing them around as generic labels.

"I keep my stuff nicely organized. I'm so OCD! :buddy:

"
"I've been depressed too, but a nice jog and a warm bath made me nice and happy again! :sparkles:

"

But yeah, the takeaway is that it doesn't matter if someone has brain problems or not, just don't tolerate assholery. A lot of people with brain problems manage not to be assholes, and a lot of assholes don't even have brain problems.

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:56

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Don't date Aspergers

http://heartlessaspergers.com

# ? Jul 30, 2017 23:59

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Pick posted:

Just get buried at a family funeral home, one owned by the people there not by some llcorp, inc. eight states away and you'll probably get someone who gives a poo poo

this reminds me of a youtube channel i follow, ask a mortician

the death industry is actually kind of interesting (but family funeral homes aren't necessarily a guarantee either)

# ? Jul 31, 2017 00:03

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# ? Jun 11, 2024 21:12

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

PetraCore posted:

It's not even just the Aspergers though. I mean I am not discounting there being a physical biochemical reason for differences in presentation of symptoms in men and women, but Aspergers doesn't make you incapable of empathy. I honestly don't understand all these people who get away with horrific behavior bc Aspergers and then people going 'well it's the Aspergers, don't date a guy with Aspergers'. Like I've got autistic dude friends who aren't like that at ALL so honestly I think it's just like... a specifically toxic combination of symptomatic stuff with good old-fashioned entitlement?

Why do people get in relationships with people they don't understand and who don't understand them in the first place? The expectation that things will change as they hit a certain intimacy level?

It's because when people, generally, get a diagnosis for a thing (and I'm not just talking aspergers) then they use it as an excuse for doing whatever poo poo they wanted to do anyway and not take responsibility for the things they can control.

# ? Jul 31, 2017 00:03

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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