|
Tin Can Hit Man posted:I opted for a nice suburban neighborhood with a Stepford Wives vibe. I know a couple wizards who are doing quite well in suburbia. Lot of jealousy and negativity to feed off there.
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2017 04:27
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 10, 2024 09:43 |
|
|
Skypie posted:I know a couple wizards who are doing quite well in suburbia. Lot of jealousy and negativity to feed off there. It's great! All I have to do is tell my neighbor down the street that I saw the neighbor from across tossing garbage into their bins and you'd think I told them he hosed their wife.
|
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2017 04:38
|
|
|
Ugh. Suburbia. Don't even get me started.
|
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2017 04:54
|
|
|
Skypie posted:I know a couple wizards who are doing quite well in suburbia. Lot of jealousy and negativity to feed off there. I prefer corporate cubicle farms, call centers, and retail. Passions burn hot and cold. Very inconsistent. Day in, day out drudgery is almost a perpetual power supply. Skypie posted:Weather is a feature, not a bug. I know a lot of evil folks go for the whole moody mountain surrounded by perpetual storms, but I don't think that kind of focus is worth it. I got that, but in the face of a cat 3 hurricane you'd be crazy not to reroute or disperse a storm. quote:Sometimes it does get a bit cyclical, but THAT'S when you chuck out the old corrupted druid heart and gently caress with the climate. Go on… Automatic Slim fucked around with this message at 05:29 on Sep 3, 2017 |
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2017 05:19
|
|
|
Automatic Slim posted:I prefer corporate cubicle farms, call centers, and retail. Passions burn hot and cold. Very inconsistent. Day in, day out drudgery is almost a perpetual power supply. I dunno. It's hard for me to derive any enjoyment from those whose spirits have already been crushed. If I wanted the walking dead, I'd just make some of my own.
|
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2017 05:46
|
|
|
Yeah if you're trying to draw life force, cubicle farm is about as efficient as trying to suckle off the breast of the Mother Raven
|
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2017 06:23
|
|
|
Ennui and malaise are undertapped forms of psychic pain. The short term yields are paltry, but long term, the constant drip of despair is a lot for little investment. Let's say your fiefdom is flooded, summon a water elemental to take care of it or create some kind of water golem. Where's the best place to keep that? A water tower? A man made lake? e: What would gating all that water to one of the nether realms do? Make an enemy out of one of the Abominable ones or doing him a solid by adding more torment and discomfort to the damned? Automatic Slim fucked around with this message at 16:01 on Sep 3, 2017 |
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2017 13:16
|
|
|
Most elementals are merely spirits that you bind into local elements. And much easier to boot. Grabbing an entity of fire from an actual plane of fire means you're probably nabbing some kind of elemental prince or lord and bending them to your will. They're usually dicks to eachother and constantly warring with other princes and lords, which means they're not likely to be missed. I guess you can always keep your water elemental in a water tower.
|
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2017 16:29
|
|
|
I created some replacement skeletons and I put them all on bikes and hooked those bikes up to the electric grid of my house and I'm really saving a lot of money. They can just pedal forever.
|
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2017 17:19
|
|
|
I think I screwed up a love potion. It was supposed to "win the heart" of whoever drank it. But their heart literally just burst out of their chest with a life of it's own and tried to kill me. I've since stomped it into a red pulp. I'm bummed. I was hoping to not have to animate a corpse for a date this time.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 07:15
|
|
|
Tin Can Hit Man posted:I think I screwed up a love potion. It was supposed to "win the heart" of whoever drank it. But their heart literally just burst out of their chest with a life of it's own and tried to kill me. I've since stomped it into a red pulp. "I was hoping not to use my best school of magic so I went with something I've got no experience with because it sounded easy" are famous last words. Well. They would be, if the wizards involved had time to articulate that thought. The actual last words tend to be "HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN!?" and then a lot of shrieks. It's good to step out of your comfort zone, but you're learning from the bottom again, so you have to start small. Use people you won't miss. And punish the skull for misleading you. Don't shatter it unless you've got a better one lined up, but make it think you might. (I'm assuming you have a potionmaster's skull teaching you, because, well, that's the whole point of learning necromancy first!)
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 07:37
|
|
|
I couldn't obtain my own potionmaster's skull. I bound an old alchemist's soul into a sock puppet with googly eyes.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 08:03
|
|
|
CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:Sounds Chaotic Good to me, bruh. equity? stock options? livable wage? That's Lawful Neutral territory and it's suuuuuuper easy to turn them if you can cast Willy's Third Way
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 08:08
|
|
|
Tin Can Hit Man posted:I couldn't obtain my own potionmaster's skull. Y'know what? That's fine. Everyone improvises when they're first starting out. Get a big jar full of moths and keep it where he can see it. Maybe Death's Head moths. I don't really know if those moths eat socks (I've got an ornithologist's skull, but no entomologist's skull), but I bet he won't, either. And pay close attention. Skulls are eerily expressive, even without any facial muscles, so they're easy to talk to. But it can be really hard to know if a sock puppet is secretly laughing at you or being sarcastic.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 08:09
|
|
|
Blurry Gray Thing posted:But it can be really hard to know if a sock puppet is secretly laughing at you or being sarcastic. No matter what they do or say or how angry they get, the googly eyes always make me giggle and it drives them insane.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 08:11
|
|
|
Tin Can Hit Man posted:I couldn't obtain my own potionmaster's skull. No! No! No! Always use the parts of the deceased's body. Their's a 50% chance you've only animated the sweat, grime, and athlete's foot of whom ever sock it used to be. Hopefully it's a potionmaster or it's just going to spout off random bullshit.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 12:00
|
|
|
So I've been thinking about my wizard tower. Should I just scrap the whole project in favor of a simple dungeon? I'm thinking just dig a hole, pour some concrete in for the foundation and walls, then slap a geodesic dome on at ground level for a roof.Automatic Slim posted:No! No! No! IMO, the way to go is grind their bones into powder and put them inside a hollowed out marionette.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 12:16
|
|
|
Peanut Butler posted:equity? stock options? livable wage? That's Lawful Neutral territory and it's suuuuuuper easy to turn them if you can cast Willy's Third Way Haha, wow, you think the Third Way isn't long-term Evil? That Slick Willy! What a character! Master of Illusions, that one.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 12:20
|
|
|
CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:Haha, wow, you think the Third Way isn't long-term Evil? That Slick Willy! What a character! Master of Illusions, that one. good cleric spotted "turn" as in "to the dark side", not "aver mine skeletal minions with false power"
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 12:26
|
|
|
So I need some advise and I think this is the place to ask - Im a paladin of tyranny (not a blackguard, dont make me explain the difference) who swore an oath to an evil wizard about to became a lich. The problem is some drat adventurers burst into the ritual room at the last second and totally messed up the spell. Long story short, one of the villagers who was being sacrificed is now a lich and has all of my old masters arcane power and knowledge. I don't know how, but Bob (yes that's actually his name) has proven to be quite the potent wizard. When the ritual finished the adventurers attacked bob, only to be quickly vaporized. The issue is Bob is terrible at being evil. I mean he has these grand plans but always chickens out at the last moment. Most things are too "icky" and he's constantly asking me "if we really need to go THAT far?" Last week I convinced him to cut his teeth on some entry level evil, kidnap a few local children, hold ransom, play it by ear from there. Well Bob starts off great, rides into town on a pale horse, grabs up the kids and runs off cackling. Then when he gets to his tower he pampers the drat brats. Not what you evil wizards would consider pampering, I mean he summoned them beds and comfortable living conditions, gives them 3 hot meals a day and even sneaks them candy when he thinks im not looking. Judging by the dirt and bruises they might actually be getting better treatment here than at home. Well they had bruises and dirt, Bob washed them and commanded me to mend them. (Yes I still have a few healing spells, I don't want to die to a random arrow thank you) The youngest one even started calling him skele-dad and he doesn't bother correcting them. Its really.. cramping my style. My official title is "scourge of hope". My armory was smithed from the firey hells themselves. Now there are several children who live in the same building as me who call me "scary knight man" I just have no idea what to do. I need to reiterate I swore an oath, and he is actually quite a powerful lich, so betrayal is not an option.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 13:36
|
|
|
If you contact your union they can probably get you a new guy who will trade something for your oath rights. You are union, right?
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 13:39
|
|
|
Automatic Slim posted:No! No! No! Imagine debating the secrets of the cosmos with a surly Cookie Monster. Totally worth it.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 14:20
|
|
|
Tin Can Hit Man posted:I think I screwed up a love potion. It was supposed to "win the heart" of whoever drank it. But their heart literally just burst out of their chest with a life of it's own and tried to kill me. I've since stomped it into a red pulp. Never send a wizard to do an alchemists's job. This is potion-making 101 right here. If you were trying to homebrew a love potion, I'd say stop trying to reinvent the wheel. This has been done so many times that there's a known best method now. Check out Dilward's Guide, which should be taught everywhere IMHO. It's an essential text on potion making that covers exactly what you were trying to do. Also, when in doubt consult your local alchemist. You'll find most of us to be quite agreeable... at least when we're not all Hyde'd out and on a rampage.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 15:03
|
|
|
Im starting have second thoughts on kidnapping this princess. She is like... fat as hell.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 15:30
|
|
|
On the one hand you should like the opposite of what a lot of people like so you should like that. On the other hand the people you kidnap her from won't miss her as much so it's not as daring a crime.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 15:32
|
|
|
Hey, I have a bit of a problem. I'm not really an evil wizard as such, but lately a bunch of my non-wizard buddies have been getting all up in my business, taking all kinds of poo poo about my magics being evil and unnatural, and claiming that my power is corrupting me and that kind of thing. A lot of this,I think, is coming from some frankly outdated ideas about some types of magic being inherently bad. I mean, sure I've raised a bunch of corpses into an unholy semblance of life, and sure, I've conjured up some abominations from the fiery depths of hell, but why does everyone get their codpieces I such a twist about it? Someone needs to clean and guard this route tower, and all those bodies are just lying about, no use to anyone. And sure, demons are evil and horrible, but the way I see it, as long as Jex’tarr the blasphemous eye, destroyer of princes is locked up in my summoning circle, teaching me all about the secrets of time and the spaces behind, at least she's not out somewhere stirring up poo poo, right? (Also, she's a great drinking buddy, once you get her to quit whining about not getting to feast on the blood of the innocent. Seriously great stories, and so much fun, if a little dark some times) Anyhow, I really like these guys, particularly this one paladin chick I'm sort of into, but they just won't stop bugging me about this. I'm thinking that full on dominating their frail little mortal minds into cutting it the gently caress out would be a little mean, but maybe something a little milder? Does anyone perhaps know a hex to make them a little more open minded to different kinds of magic?
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 15:39
|
|
|
Just dominate them, implant the suggestion, then release the hold over their mind. Effective, lasts for a long time (until you do something stupid and they change their mind), doesn't show up as bring under the effect of a mind-altering hex if they get checked, won't accidentally get dispelled, and most importantly won't drain your power with a bunch of sustained effects. This is how I got my companions to stop cramping my style. But you need to have them trust you enough to let their guard down and be careful about implanting the right suggestions.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 15:58
|
|
|
Frankly you sound maybe not high level enough to successfully do that. One of them will make their will save and you'll be hosed. You are essentially the wife in Bewitched and these are a bunch of Darrens. Teach them a lesson the same way Elizabeth Montgomery would. Dismiss the undead guardians and let the demon out of the circle. Tell them fine you'll do things their way. Watch their sheer loving panic at their unguarded tower and unbound demon. They'll beg you to put things back the way it was. Darrens always do. Oh, uh, but don't actually let the demon out. That would be really stupid. Send it home, make a summoning circle, and let an illusion out. She may seem nice and "on your side" but she'll slit your throat in a second.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 16:17
|
|
|
Double Monocle posted:Bob the Lich. The answer is right in front of you. Call Child Protective Services on the parents. Sure they did the best with what little they had but clearly they are unfit to care for their own spawn. Then you point them towards legal counsel which you get a cut of the retainer. When they can't pay, their property goes in forfeiture, which you buy, flip, and make a tidy profit while gentrifying the other poor out of their own neighborhood AND the children grow up hating their "unfit" parents. Bob becomes a hero and you can go onto inflict all sorts of horrors in his name. Hihohe posted:Im starting have second thoughts on kidnapping this princess. She is like... fat as hell. Looks don't matter. What really matters is how big her father's kingdom is and how many male heirs he has. The more land and less sons the bigger the ransom. Besides, just polymorph your hostage into what ever form you find pleasing. You are a wizard after all. prophet45 posted:Paladin chick. Don't. You'll just get friend zoned for her own god or a higher paragon of virtue like a High Marshal or saint or something who will in turn friend zone her for some other unobtainable standard. It's really hosed. Some kind of vicious circle of unrequited love and sacrifice of unfulfilled desire. Those people are bunch of masochistic headfucks. Look, Paladin = virgin and you could do your new drinking buddy a solid and just sacrifice Joan of Arc to Jex’tarr and profit from a way more healthy relationship. Al Borland Corp. posted:Oh, uh, but don't actually let the demon out. That would be really stupid. Send it home, make a summoning circle, and let an illusion out. She may seem nice and "on your side" but she'll slit your throat in a second. ^^^^^^ Yeah, this. Tin Can Hit Man posted:Imagine debating the secrets of the cosmos with a surly Cookie Monster. Holy poo poo! This is genius.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 16:50
|
|
|
super sweet best pal posted:So I've been thinking about my wizard tower. Should I just scrap the whole project in favor of a simple dungeon? I'm thinking just dig a hole, pour some concrete in for the foundation and walls, then slap a geodesic dome on at ground level for a roof. It depends on what your thing is. Are you trying to project intimidating power upon a cringing populace or want to study the path to hideous ruin in peace? IMHO towers just attract unnecessary attention and drama from adventurers just trying to make a name. Not worth it. super sweet best pal posted:IMO, the way to go is grind their bones into powder and put them inside a hollowed out marionette. I don't know, man. I'm not sure I want tiny evil geniuses crawling around my lair. I'm getting a Puppet Master vibe off that poo poo. Automatic Slim fucked around with this message at 17:10 on Sep 13, 2017 |
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 17:00
|
|
|
prophet45 posted:Hey, I have a bit of a problem. I'm not really an evil wizard as such, but lately a bunch of my non-wizard buddies have been getting all up in my business, taking all kinds of poo poo about my magics being evil and unnatural, and claiming that my power is corrupting me and that kind of thing. I think a lot of us come from the same place. Some get a bit too into it, but many are just here because the Evil crowd don't get all judgmental. There's nothing "evil" about what I do. I wouldn't just burn down an orphanage because it's Bad, and, 'Muahahaha, I do things that are bad to score badness points!' That's stupid and pointlessly cruel. I burnt down that orphanage for a very good reason, and I did a whole lot of research into alternatives before I decided on that.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 17:04
|
|
|
Blurry Gray Thing posted:I think a lot of us come from the same place. Some get a bit too into it, but many are just here because the Evil crowd don't get all judgmental. He's right. It's all about feasting of the misery and suffering of others. It's nothing personal. Mostly. Automatic Slim fucked around with this message at 17:12 on Sep 13, 2017 |
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 17:08
|
|
|
Yeah if there's anything I've learned it is not to mess with outsiders. It's just out of my range of expertise. Fae, demon, devil, ethereal entities, no thanks. I will rely on myself alone. All the damage I did to myself through bad deals or falling into traps, I've managed to undo with patience and self reliance. I don't think I'll ever try to get a more powerful beings services again. I'll sell my own. If there's any double crossing, it will be me doing it. If there's any creature in my employ, it will be one I can easily dispose of.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 17:10
|
|
|
Yeah, I'll freely admit that I'm kinda new to this, though I did get named top three up and coming wizards of Cerilia this year! I really just got into this gig to find my father's murderer, but as I'm learning new stuff, I'm really beginning to see how crucially o underutilized a lot of magic really is. Maybe especially with all my demon friend is teaching me, though I know to take all that with a little scepticism. By the way, logically I know you're all absolutely right, both about Jex'tarr and the paladin, it's just that it's hard not to think about what could be, you know. Now I'm thinking of maybe just gently nudging her towards falling from grace. Just a little, I'm not talking full on blackguard here, but maybe a little less smiting, and a little more open mindedness. Guess I'll just engineer an excuse for a party tonight, get everyone good and drunk, and bust out some little enchantments. Hopefully, tomorrow we can all go back to vanquishing evil (no offence guys, but I'm really not evil) and making the world a better place together, without me having to defend the ethics of mind controlling evil warlords' families into murdering them.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 17:35
|
|
|
Another thing you can do. Engineer a raid on a den of kobold. Make sure there are children there. Paladin's will lose their loving mind at kid monsters. They kill them and there's like a 50/50 chance they lose their powers, depending on their God and the day off the week. They let them live and they are faced with a moral quandry and face crisis of faith. They stay up at night wondering if they really did the right thing either way.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2017 17:44
|
|
|
Automatic Slim posted:It depends on what your thing is. Are you trying to project intimidating power upon a cringing populace or want to study the path to hideous ruin in peace?
|
|
#
?
Sep 14, 2017 01:05
|
|
|
Hotdog In A Hallway posted:The most evil wizard I ever met lived in a 3-2 split level ranch smack in the middle of a good school district. Just engineer your own pocket dimension accessible by the laundry room doorway, and you're golden. Haha holy poo poo your talking about Gerald? One time a loving burglar snuck into his house through the laundry room to steal his tv and fell into the pocket dimension where he set off, like, ALL the traps. Gerald has it on video and shows it sometimes at house parties. I have never seen some poor bastard so thoroughly destroyed. Gerald has got his poo poo on lock, mad respect.
|
|
#
?
Sep 14, 2017 01:42
|
|
|
Girlfriend's [27/F] parents [60s&50s/M&F] are concerned about the age gap between their daughter and me [973/W] Last week I met my girlfriend's (we'll call her "Lilly") parents, it went alright until they found out how old I am (I look young for my age, still have some of my original flesh). I told them an old workplace story about the millennium of strife I runically wove into the Magna Carta when I was an intern, and they flipped out right there in the middle of the Red Robin, and left. I tried to get Lilly to talk to them on my behalf, but she's been distant and questioning whether or not she's ready to move into my dark citadel. I've always been up front with her about being less of a human and more of a collection of bones, flesh, and metal animated by the death of Zoroaster at the hands of the M'Hnlm, and she always used to say she liked dating older beings because we have our poo poo together. Now she's not so sure- I'd walk away, but Lilly is the first human in all these years to share my passion for blood rituals, daemon assassins, and Bikram yoga. Is there anything I can do to change her mind? I'd like to avoid putting the whammy on her with a spell, I don't want to have to worry about some hero trying to break it for the rest of her natural life-- and if she really wants to commit after death, she'll have to be lucid and in control of her own dark will. tl;dr - gf's parents found out I was born in the mid 11th century, gf giving me the cold shoulder since then, wat do?
|
|
#
?
Sep 14, 2017 02:03
|
|
|
You have probably interacted with her ancestors at some point without even realizing it. Go above the parents heads. Get the grandparents on board, great grandparents, great great, however far back you have to go. Speak with dead, send their ghosts to give the parents a talking to. Oh, and is it a religious thing? Given that you were a scribe you probably wrote some of the King James Bible or something, they'd probably like that. It's not like it could be disproven.
|
|
#
?
Sep 14, 2017 02:21
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 10, 2024 09:43 |
|
|
Automatic Slim posted:The answer is right in front of you. Call Child Protective Services on the parents. Sure they did the best with what little they had but clearly they are unfit You can just Dominate her and the rest of that group of friends as suggested above. I trust you're not completely hideous, a paladin can love some truly heinous fugly people, as long as they think you're worth it. Paladins are freaks, let me tell you. Blurry Gray Thing posted:I think a lot of us come from the same place. Some get a bit too into it, but many are just here because the Evil crowd don't get all judgmental. Freed from the shackles of mortal morality, things like "Good" and "Evil" are... relative. Al Borland Corp. posted:You have probably interacted with her ancestors at some point without even realizing it. Go above the parents heads. Get the grandparents on board, great grandparents, great great, however far back you have to go. Speak with dead, send their ghosts to give the parents a talking to. Do this.
|
|
#
?
Sep 14, 2017 07:25
|
|