Bertrand Hustle posted:

The girlfriend is super insecure. It doesn't read like she's an idiot, more like she feels threatened by her law student boyfriend and his smart friends. The more he tries to call her on it, the more defensive she'll get, because "you're trying too hard to sound smart" sounds an awful lot like "you're not smart" to somebody who already feels like they have to try to impress everyone.

Pick posted:

"but I'm right and they're wrong!!!!" is the calling card of someone who, right or wrong, is going to make a lot of problems for themselves in life

that's why they say pride is so dangerous. not because it makes you preen, but because it makes you unable to make pragmatic decisions

Bertrand Hustle posted:

The girlfriend is super insecure. It doesn't read like she's an idiot, more like she feels threatened by her law student boyfriend and his smart friends. The more he tries to call her on it, the more defensive she'll get, because "you're trying too hard to sound smart" sounds an awful lot like "you're not smart" to somebody who already feels like they have to try to impress everyone.

C.H.O.M.E posted:

You sound like a pretty big pushover.

Haifisch posted:

Neighbor kids keep coming on my dad's property, which is used for hunting. KY

Embrace natural selection, OP.

abigserve posted:

"We want them off our property so we can hunt safely" what a loving dork

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Gf [24F] is insecure about her intelligence among my classmates/colleagues at law school. Starts unnecessary, cringe-y debates and uses words incorrectly. How do I [26M] ask her to stop without hurting her feelings?

Pick posted:

Not at all, it is a really important skill to recognize when a principled stand will make a difference and when it won't.

quote:

Pretend I grew up under a rock, okay? I don't do half the stuff most people do including going out and drinking at all. I didn't grow up with any female family members and we had Zero family drama. My personality is a little wonky and I relate to women way differently than every other man I've seen. Lots of things go way over my head- I can't stress this enough.

I've been talking to this girl for about 3 months, we're getting more comfortable with each other. Looking back on my previous relationship of several years, I know that these first few months are very important for setting the course for the relationship. I hung out with my friends one night and all we did was sit around and talk. She sent me a message next day telling me about her day and asks "How was guys night out?"

Like I said in first paragraph, I'm out of the loop on almost everything that happens on TV, news, real life, etc. But I DO know that this particular topic can be contentious if not handled properly. So I want to pick yalls brain if you don't mind. It would help me out best if you tell me how you handle this sort of topic and the results you've gotten, or if you're a woman, what you think you should hear in order to remain happily in your girlfriend/wifey role. Just go off of the kind of women you've been around or are and please try to describe your relationship dynamics as though you're talking to someone who's never heard of Reddit. I really appreciate your input!

btw: Things I do with my friends are mostly nerdy stuff. I've been doing these things for several years, in a number of different places. Explaining in detail or getting girls involved in these activites has always been a fools errand. During holiday parties we find more accessible things to do.

tl;dr -- How should I answer the question "How was guys night out?" for the first time in a new relationship? EDIT: If you are or have experience with a not-perfectly-well-adjusted woman, I really would like to hear from you. Many thanks.

Edit (Last): Interesting responses; all but one were the same. I am happy to see that so many people in well-adjusted relationships with good communication by both partners. I know there are others out there where one or both partners react negatively to certain things said to them, for one reason or another, and it's a struggle for a person to decide if that character flaw is worth ending a relationship over. I guess those of us in these imperfect relationships just have to do the best we can. On a different note, it feels like a kotaku elephant has walked into the room. None of you have the slightest clue who this girl is that I'm with, or what her past is, yet are "100%" sure (as one user said) that she will act a certain positive way. It's sounding like the very concept of 'her' having a negative attitude toward how I answer her question is offensive to most of you. Put your weapons down, this gender shootout is over. I never meant to start it in the first place. Have fun yall.

Edit (part 3): We cannot assume that the girl I'm talking to has no passive aggressive tendencies. Yes this is a nit-picky question. No, there is no one right answer. I want to hear your experiences. If you live in a passive-aggression-free relationship then I'm very happy for you

Edit (part 2): I'm not over thinking this actually. This issue is one of the four horsemen that destroyed my previous relationship of almost 10 years. A few friends of mine ran into trouble with this sort of thing too. Some tried to bring their girls to our game nights, which never went well, and their relationships were short lived. I went the opposite route so to speak. While I did find an exceptionally damaged woman to have a child with, looking back on that I saw that the fact that my hobbies were completely inaccessible to her (and all of my family members and most other people I know) had some negative effect. This current girl is not some well-seasoned relationship expert. She, like a number of people, can take certain things the wrong way. Yes, that's on her, but I can do my part to reduce that risk as much as possible. At the end of the day, if I bend over backwards for a couple of sentences and we're still together, then great. However, if I talk without thinking and then run into the same arguments as my previous relationship, then that's all my fault. If anyone would like to humor me and throw out some ideas, that would be great.

quote:

I'd rather drive myself insane than have a romantic partner do it for me. Speaking from experience. There went my 20s. Thanks for the response and take care.

quote:

They deserve love too, and there are more of them than most people think. Yeah, I suppose I am free to leave her on the curb with my household trash. Thank you for your response.

Buzkashi posted:

On a different note, it feels like a kotaku elephant has walked into the room.

Straight White Shark posted:

Tell them they can use your road for a week or two while you work on a more permanent solution. Then build a brick wall between your private drive and the property line. Good fences make good neighbors.

Moon Atari posted:

When even your auto-correct errors are insufferably nerdy.

Palpek posted:

'How was the guys' night out?

*has a meltdown*

'What are you doing tomorrow?'

*collapses*

'What would you like to do on the weekend?'

*has a spontaneous human combustion*

Palpek posted:

'How was the guys' night out?

*has a meltdown*

'What are you doing tomorrow?'

*collapses*

'What would you like to do on the weekend?'

*has a spontaneous human conflagration*

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Smirking_Serpent posted:

quote:

 He acts entitled to my time and doesn't like it when I am unavailable. I told him that I had a sports thing for work and would miss movie night with our friends. "Skip the thing." It's for charity. "So?" I want to go. "No, you don't, you wanna hang with us." I can do that some other time. I'm sorry. "Just come after." I have no idea how late it will go. "That's fine, come after you're done."

Mirthless posted:

Yeah that's not an auto-correct error, he's shouting at his audience for implying he's being a misogynistic weirdo, it's like a really frou-frou way of invoking the ESS JAY DOUBLES

"Kotaku", "Feminism", "The SJWs", "Ethics in Videogames Journalism", etc phrases when seen in casual use on Reddit are generally dogwhistles for I HATE WOMEN just ftr

Clark Nova posted:

It's a real shame that you're legally obligated to be friends with creepy men twice your age who have boundary issues and no redeeming qualities whatsoever. It's in the constitution and everything.

Mirthless posted:

Yeah that's not an auto-correct error, he's shouting at his audience for implying he's being a misogynistic weirdo, it's like a really frou-frou way of invoking the ESS JAY DOUBLES

"Kotaku", "Feminism", "The SJWs", "Ethics in Videogames Journalism", etc phrases when seen in casual use on Reddit are generally dogwhistles for I HATE WOMEN just ftr

quote:

Posting on behalf of a friend.

He says: We have joint custody in Mississippi, although she has more physical time. I am suppose to get a full month during the summer. I exercised 2 days. I dropped our child off at daycare one day and I decided not to take my parenting time for the remainder of that month. I sent one text message telling her she needed to pick up our child at a mutual friend's house in south Carolina (friend could watch him a day at most) and just keep him my month and stopped responding after. I live in North Carolina 3 months out of the year, reside in mississippi the remainder and she resides in Mississippi.

I also didn't pay my court ordered support during this time.

I recently got served with a contempt of court for unpaid child support, a notice about a hearing to reduce my time and a notice from a court asking for my response about her suing me for lost wages.

I understand the first two but I am having issues with the last one. Her claim is that because I suddenly decided not to exercise my time that she had to miss days of work she hadn't intended and arrange care. She ended up losing her job due to having to leave work suddenly and come get our child. She has a letter from her employer stating the reason she was let go (having to leave suddenly during a shift and having to miss days she didn't have).

She wants to sue me for the salary/pay she lost during those two months, minus what UE paid out. That is 1,278 plus court costs and the cost of the two flights there to south carolina and back (not sure why she didn't drive). Her justification is that me leaving our son in south carolina and her having to leave work in the middle of the day to go get him was due to my negligence. Normally I would drive our child back so the flight costs are above what normally would be paid. She could have easily drove.

Total is 1,780.

Can you sue in small claims for lost wages like that?

I am not defending my friend but I am not sure you can sue for lost wages in that way.

Can you just file small claims for anything or do they look at justification before accepting your claim?

My friend is arguing that even if he was negligent and owes her wages it would only be for the remainder of his custody month, minus what UE paid out.

Also, wouldn't this be family court and not small claims? Wouldn't she have to sue him in south Carolina since it happened there? We think she was able to file in mississippi since he mostly technically lives there. His work has him travelling a lot but his residence is in mississippi for now.

quote:

Posting on behalf of a friend. 

Absurd Alhazred posted:

It's just a facetious conflagration of catch-22's all over.

Buzkashi posted:

How do I [31 M] answer this question from girl [28 F] I've been dating 3mths: "How was guys night out?"

Try to imagine how big a dipshit you'd have to be to ask this question


"You're overthinking this and will drive yourself insane"


"Only a massively insecure woman would make this a loaded question, just answer normally"


etc

quote:

There is no divorce pending/filed etc, no court order of any sort. I was staying with my mother for a few days to help her out after a hospital stay. Husband and I talked every day via phone and there was no argument or anything.

All of a sudden, he stopped answering calls. I went over to the house, and all the locks are changed, locked up tight. I texted my husband and called to leave a message that I would be back that night and to leave the door unlocked if he wasn't going to be there.

Went back, and still locked down tight, no response to messages etc...

I've never had a good relationship with his mom, so calling her is out. It's now been 2 weeks, and I know he's not dead, he's still been mowing the lawn, but that's about it.

I don't know what this is at this point, but no matter what, I need to get into the house. Even if it ends up just being to get stuff for the kids (kids are from previous marriage) and more of my clothes, I need to get in there.

Since it's still legally my home, can I just pop a door or something? We own it, so no worry about a landlord. Just really baffled!

EDIT: For clarification, I didn't say we were happy as can be like Ozzy and Harriet. We've had our share of problems, much like most other married couples. One of the problems is the in-laws on both sides. His mother has never been supportive, and it's been an ongoing battle. Think Ray's mom on Everybody Loves Raymond... My mother has always been supportive of us, however she doesn't stay quiet about how out of line she thinks his mother is.. It creates stress on both of us.

My husband is also very very non-confrontational. He will avoid it at pretty much any cost. He has never once raised his voice towards me or the kids. However, he has disappeared for days at a time before, usually gone to his mothers' house.. Usually this has happened when he thought I would be upset about something and he wanted to avoid any argument.

EDIT2: I know many are asking for more and more info, but I'm not really one to spread everything out for everyone to analyze. We are generally very private people. We both have a very close relationship with our families, although it's always been pretty strained between myself and his mother. We both have a couple good friends, but we tend to listen to their problems and keep ours at home. It's just how our relationship has always been. I'm sorry if that seems "off" or "bizarre" or "suspicious".

As for not being concerned enough about my husband, I'm just tired, exhausted, and at this point don't really feel much more than fed up and a little irritated. I know he's alive, and no, I didn't kill him and set this all up as some weird proof haha. That might make a good episode of Criminal Minds, but it's not as exciting as all that, sorry

Thank you to everyone who took the time to provide some advice or other input as well as those who threw in a bit of humor. I appreciate it very much.

TLDR; No court order or pending divorce, can I break into my own home??

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Father of the year:

Ex-wife is suing me in small claims for lost wages when she got fired for me not exercising my parenting time. (self.legaladvice)

Inescapable Duck posted:

On another note, I think the thread's getting tetchy about age gaps, though I have to wonder given how 90% of the time it's considerably older man/younger woman there may be an aspect of 'The economy is hosed and older men are more likely to actually have a steady job and own their own home' but then again half the time they're complete mooches who sit around playing video games all day, soooooo.

Inescapable Duck posted:

On another note, I think the thread's getting tetchy about age gaps, though I have to wonder given how 90% of the time it's considerably older man/younger woman there may be an aspect of 'The economy is hosed and older men are more likely to actually have a steady job and own their own home' but then again half the time they're complete mooches who sit around playing video games all day, soooooo.

WrenP-Complete posted:

Wait; what is a Kotaku elephant? (My phone apparently knows that word. It's a tech publication right?)