Mirthless posted:

Getting into a relationship with somebody and having sex can be a growing experience, but virginity isn't a switch you flip to go from NOT MAN >>> MAN and the perception that it is is absolutely toxic

I grew up a lot when I got into a serious relationship and started getting meaningful work but those things came organically*, they weren't provided to me by a parent and purchased with money or influence. The kind of people who rely on their parents to provide them with character building opportunities are never going to know what it means to grasp those things for themselves.

quote:

I had unprotected sex in Durham county while an undergrad at Duke with a local.We broke up and then she told me she was pregnant. I moved to NYC after I graduated and before child was born. She married about a year after child was born. I have been paying a contractually agreed upon sum of $1000/month since. I see my son twice a year in NC. I found out through the register of deeds office this week that a new birth certificate was filed in 2008 due to an adoption. (To my knoledge she never listed me as father on original.) We did do a DNA test in 2007 which confirmed paternity. Shouldn't I have had some notice that an adoption was occurrring to allow me to contest? Should I be entitled to the monies paid for 10 years? $120k. How should I notify her that I do not intend to pay anymore?

Ham Sandwiches posted:

I'm simply saying it works the other way too, which is, it's harder to pretend timmy is a 6 year old playing with legos in his room if timmy has been with a woman. You simply can't pretend "This is a child that knows nothing of the world and needs to be sheltered from it" as hard as you did before, because having sex is no longer a mystery to this child, so presumably should no longer be sheltered from discussing it or being treated as someone not developmentally capable of having it, since that ship has sailed.

fruit on the bottom posted:

Since we’re already on the subject


[NC] I fathered a child in undergrad in NC in 2007. Been paying mutually agreed $1000/month child to mother since. Now I find out her and her husband adopted child in 2008. What recourse do I have?

quote:

No. We agreed that we would handle without courts. We had a local attorney draft a contract. I tried to contact him but he passed away 3 years ago.

Who What Now posted:

Why are you talking about a 6 year old having sex?

Who What Now posted:

Why are you talking about a 6 year old having sex?

tessiebee posted:

You don't have to be sending 12 year olds down mines or up chimneys

Mirthless posted:

The word you are looking for is transgender

Whorelord posted:

Fairly sure someone giving themselves tits and turning their dick into a vajay-jay or vice versa is changing their sex hth

tessiebee posted:

I'm in my mid thirties and I feel there is definitely a social sea change in keeping children 'children' for longer and longer. I understand the science and teenagers are still developing but I can't help but think it's not good or healthy for an 18 year old to be under his parents sway like that. You don't have to be sending 12 year olds down mines or up chimneys but some life experiences are needed to build resilience and to learn. I don't have an issue with the working professional so much as the fact it has gotten to the point dad thinks it is necessary. Why sex and not a job, or moving out, or a car?

Mirthless posted:

The incidence of STDs among sex workers is a factual matter and one of the unique challenges sex workers face, and a lot of it has to do with the way they are treated as objects and commodities by men who think their money entitles them to not use protection.

You are transparently misogynist in both this thread and the weinstein thread and the way you use terms like this is disgusting. You're literally making serious women's issues into a joke to deflect criticism. gently caress off.

quote:

Regularly lurk, sometimes post here, throwaway because of reasons.

My wife and I have been happily married for 6 years, and together for 13. We have a kid together.

My wife works in an office, I work as an electrician. For the first week after we got married, I wore my band at work, but found myself constantly taking it off whenever I worked on anything live, multiple times a day (gold is a great conductor). I nearly lost it one day, and have since been leaving it in the car before work, putting it on after I'm done, it's become a routine.

I could swear to god I told her this, but the gently caress do I know? It was 6 years ago, and I barely remember what I ate for breakfast an hour ago.

I happened to be doing a job near her work on Friday, and met with her for lunch (walking distance). Didn't think about the ring at all. She obviously notices immediately I wasn't wearing it I explained why, long story short, she didn't like it. She was pissed about it all day yesterday, and I could tell it hurt her.

I tried explaining it's only at work, it's a health risk, if I wear it I may be left with a ring finger let alone a ring. I don't like taking it off and putting it on consistently and I would likely forget too

Yesterday I showed her videos...(don't google degloving or wedding band electrocution, seriously.....don't) she's still very hurt by it.

I really don't know what to do to make her feel better about this any longer, I'm also at a loss because this is happening six years in.

For the record, she says she's not concerned about me cheating or flirting, she shouldn't be, I've never given her a reason not to trust me, just that she finds it disrespectful.

And I've in the past considered wearing a non conductive band, but it doesn't help with degloving, so I've knocked out that option.

Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do here to make her feel better about this situation?

Tldr: wife found out I don't wear a wedding band at work for safety reasons, very hurt by it.

Edit: holy crap, I did not expect so many responses, I've read through a few, but only had a little time during my lunch break, I'll make sure to read the rest when I get home.

quote:

My husband (29m) and myself (32f) married for 8 years have had an excellent marriage for the last 5 years, the first three years were a bit tough but we worked through issues and left our past behind us.

We dealt with deaths of close family members, job losses, errors in judgment on substance use, mismanagement of finances. We always were able to find solutions to whatever was current until three weeks ago.....

My husband was shaving and he had left his phone in the kitchen so I moved it to the bedroom to charge as we were preparing for bed. A notification popped up that he had messages on skype. I didn't even think of anything we went to bed.

The next morning we were preparing for work and he was taking recycling to the curb and once again a Skype notification popped up. I decided to open it up, nether of us use skype or I thought. I open it up to a multi month conversation with some women from across the country how they are in love and are planning to meet, naked pictures videos. They had been talking at night for hours at least three times every week sometimes more.

I was absolutely destroyed, I took screenshots and began sending them to myself. When my husband came into the house I exploded on him With what I had found. He became extremely irate and told me either take it or leave it. I could not believe my ears. I don't know what to do we haven't spoken in a day.

Tl;dr I (32f) caught my husband (29m) with a online affair he demands I have an open relationship or leave

fruit on the bottom posted:

The brain doesn’t finish cooking until about 25 or so, so if we’re looking for a biology-based metric to declare full adulthood at our best candidates seem to be that or puberty and one of those seems a little iffy to me.

My [33M] wife [31F] of 6 years, is upset that I don't wear my wedding band at work.

quote:

Is it racist if someone doesn't feel attracted to physical features outside one's race? Serious answers only please!

quote:

Simply put: no. Racism is about power, oppression etc. That you are not attracted to certain racial features does not mean you think they are lesser humans than you. Example: I can be unattracted to blondes, but several of my good friends can still be blondes.

quote:

Thanks for the input. But what about sitiations where people are not attracted to particular ethnic features? Someone might not like the slanted eyes of East Asians or broad noses of Africans. Is it still racist if those people treated those people equally but just aren’t attracted to their features? For example, I am only attracted to dark hair and beige skin and brown eyes. Blue eyed Scandinavians and darker skinned people would not fit this description. Only East Asians and a very small pool of white and Middle Easterners fit here (I don’t even like chest hair. Something I just am not used to seeing).

fruit on the bottom posted:

My [33M] wife [31F] of 6 years, is upset that I don't wear my wedding band at work.

maskenfreiheit posted:

I (32f) caught my husband (29m) of 8 years having an online affair. He demands I open the relationship or leave the house.Infidelity (self.relationships)

Mirthless posted:

The incidence of STDs among sex workers is a factual matter and one of the unique challenges sex workers face, and a lot of it has to do with the way they are treated as objects and commodities by men who think their money entitles them to not use protection.

You are transparently misogynist in both this thread and the weinstein thread and the way you use terms like this is disgusting. You're literally making serious women's issues into a joke to deflect criticism. gently caress off.

quote:

maskenfreiheit wrote on Oct 16, 2017 17:37:
you're going to end up on a prob train if you keep harassing me

not everyone who disagrees with you is a mysogynist.

I literally got the guy who molested my high school GF *arrested*. I helped out with opsec training for the women's march. I've done more for women than just circle jerk on comedy forums and it is *deeply* offensive when you imply otherwise.

Mirthless posted:

lol check out this PM I just got:

blarzgh posted:

No matter what your position on prostitution is, i feel like making the first, and defining experience of a young man's sexual life a night with someone that was paid to sleep with him will do more harm than good.

quote:

Regularly lurk, sometimes post here, throwaway because of reasons.

My wife and I have been happily married for 6 years, and together for 13. We have a kid together.

My wife works in an office, I work as an electrician. For the first week after we got married, I wore my band at work, but found myself constantly taking it off whenever I worked on anything live, multiple times a day (gold is a great conductor). I nearly lost it one day, and have since been leaving it in the car before work, putting it on after I'm done, it's become a routine.

I could swear to god I told her this, but the gently caress do I know? It was 6 years ago, and I barely remember what I ate for breakfast an hour ago.

I happened to be doing a job near her work on Friday, and met with her for lunch (walking distance). Didn't think about the ring at all. She obviously notices immediately I wasn't wearing it I explained why, long story short, she didn't like it. She was pissed about it all day yesterday, and I could tell it hurt her.

I tried explaining it's only at work, it's a health risk, if I wear it I may be left with a ring finger let alone a ring. I don't like taking it off and putting it on consistently and I would likely forget too

Yesterday I showed her videos...(don't google degloving or wedding band electrocution, seriously.....don't) she's still very hurt by it.

I really don't know what to do to make her feel better about this any longer, I'm also at a loss because this is happening six years in.

For the record, she says she's not concerned about me cheating or flirting, she shouldn't be, I've never given her a reason not to trust me, just that she finds it disrespectful.

And I've in the past considered wearing a non conductive band, but it doesn't help with degloving, so I've knocked out that option.

Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do here to make her feel better about this situation?

Tldr: wife found out I don't wear a wedding band at work for safety reasons, very hurt by it.

Edit: holy crap, I did not expect so many responses, I've read through a few, but only had a little time during my lunch break, I'll make sure to read the rest when I get home.

maskenfreiheit posted:

Is it racist for not being attracted to certain ethnic features? (self.dating)

maskenfreiheit posted:

hey mirthless how about posting content instead of whines

My [33M] wife [31F] of 6 years, is upset that I don't wear my wedding band at work.[new]
(self.relationships)

fruit on the bottom posted:

My [33M] wife [31F] of 6 years, is upset that I don't wear my wedding band at work.

Mirthless posted:

lol check out this PM I just got:

ArbitraryC posted:

As far as the dad trying to cure his son of his incelity I don't think prostitutes would really help. Like I agree that having a relationship and getting laid went a long way towards giving me confidence to pursue future relationships, but it's not from the physical act of sex itself. The confidence came from another person being into me.

I know in the incel threads it's a common thought that had their parents just somehow gotten them a live in bangmaid or something that they wouldn't have gone down the insecurity spiral but the reality is that's not going to actually make them feel wanted and accepted.

Barudak posted:

Look, you dont have to, and probably physically cant, gently caress everyone. As long as you arent a total weirdo and treat humans differently in society based on their bangability index you’re fine so you're absolutely in a ton of trouble.

HoAssHo posted:

The only time I can think of where it might actually help is when part of what's holding these dudes back is their insecurity over being a virgin and viewing sex like this huge overwhelming thing. Just getting that first time out of the way might help demystify the act and make them less worried about totally blowing it when they finally do get to have sex with someone they like.

But I'm talking like 30 year-old virgins here, not an 18 year-old who hasn't even been to college yet, where he might figure it out all by himself just fine.

maskenfreiheit posted:

I think it’s possible to have preferences. But if you write off an entire race (or a trait an entire race has) its racism.

“dreadlocks don’t do it for me”

Not racist

“I can’t get it up for anyone with kinky hair, a broad nose, or slanted eyes”

RACIST

tessiebee posted:

I'm in my mid thirties and I feel there is definitely a social sea change in keeping children 'children' for longer and longer.

maskenfreiheit posted:

Is it racist for not being attracted to certain ethnic features? (self.dating)

quote:

Someone might not like the slanted eyes of East Asians or broad noses of Africans

maskenfreiheit posted:

Is it racist for not being attracted to certain ethnic features? (self.dating)

quote:

Looking for any advice at all, Reddit. Here goes:

I’ve been with my boyfriend, Paul, for almost four years and we have lived together for almost two. We met when we both were in undergrad and moved in together my last year of school, his second to last. I worked full time in a retail position and put myself through school, while my boyfriend was fortunate enough to have his education completely paid for.

It has been well over a year since he graduated school and he has yet to get a job. I understood at first but now I’m at my wit’s end. He is not actively trying to get a job. He will only apply and be serious about applying when I blow up and lose my patience. He consistently puts in the bare minimum amount of effort and I’m feeling beyond resentful at this point. I have worked my way up through a retail position at my current company to a somewhat successful position, so while we are not drowning in debt, I am struggling and it just hurts. I could never imagine my dad leaving my mom to pay all of the bills while watching her struggle day in and day out. We’re pretty daily pot smokers so part of me feels like he’s putting it off so he can continue to smoke. I’ve literally begged him to get any kind of job, even just working 15 hours a week would help TREMENDOUSLY. He refuses. He has put down retail (my line of work), all types of jobs, saying he’s overqualified…how is that supposed to make me feel? Why does he get to wait around for his dream job while I bust my rear end?

In the beginning of this arrangement, I’d come home after a full day of work and the house would be disgusting. I just can’t do it anymore. I know that I need to break up but I don’t know how…I also don’t know if I’m justified, if that makes sense. Here’s where I really need your help though…I have BPD. This is something really new for me, I still don’t quite understand it but I know that I am not innocent in our problems.

Since my diagnosis, I’ve been working hard to control my emotions. I am literally trying every kind of exercise and attempting to get all the help I can to take a hold of my life but he attributes any and all of my decisions to my BPD. A large part of BPD is pushing someone away before they can abandon you… I can absolutely say this is true for me but I don’t know how to express to him that’s not what I’m feeling in this situation. I know this is how I feel and that it’s not my BPD. I love him but I want to move on. I want to improve my life so I can be the best mother and wife I can be, when the time comes, and it seems that he has no interest in bettering himself or our lives together. I know that I want out but he won’t let me (as in he won’t move out because he doesn’t believe me) because of this stupid situation I’ve created for myself. What should I do?

TLDR: Boyfriend has been unemployed for a year and a half, is making minimal efforts to find a job and won’t accept my breakup due to BPD diagnosis.

Admiral Ray posted: