- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
-
Pick a number, any number
-
Pillbug
|
He should sit down with his wife very seriously and tell her that 14 years ago when she was out with Jake he had sex with maria and see how she responds.
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 21:57
|
|
- Adbot
-
ADBOT LOVES YOU
|
|
|
#
?
May 14, 2024 19:46
|
|
- Patrick Spens
- Jul 21, 2006
-
"Every quarterback says they've got guts, But how many have actually seen 'em?"
-
Pillbug
|
My [27F] ex's [26M] therapist [early 30's F] told him that I was a "oval office" and suggested that I have borderline personality disorderBreakups
Gonna go ahead and say the dudes therapist did not call his girlfriend a oval office sight unseen.
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 21:59
|
|
- small ghost
- Jan 30, 2013
-
|
Me [35M] with my wife [36F], we have a dog problem.
u/throwaway_dog6 posted:
Hello,
My wife and I have been together for 7 years, she has a son from a previous relationship that’s 12 years old now and our daughter is turning 5. We've had our shares of ups and downs, but have managed to weather them and our relationship has remained intact for the most part. However, she is very much an animal person, and always has been. This hasn't bothered me much in the past, even as she's been closed to running us off the road because a goddamn squirrel crossed our path on the highway. She’s also a “vegetarian,” that’s wanting to go “vegan” in order to not partake in the “animal slavery and murder,” and as you can imagine, this means that the whole family is “vegetarian” and she wants us to go vegan. Right now, however, my biggest issue is with our dogs.
In the 7 years that we've been together, we have had 6 dogs (4 boxers, one boxer/something mix, and one chih tzu). I have been bitten 7 times. Her son has been bitten 5 times. Our daughter hasn’t been bitten yet, only because I’m never too far from her and always keep an eye on how the dogs are acting at the time so that I can anticipate any problem that might arise. Since I’ve met her we’ve had one dog (boxer) with us and he’s almost 8 years old now, so we keep expecting him to die as he’s getting up there for his breed. The other dogs have come and gone, depending on how problematic they’ve been. For the last couple of years we’ve had 3 dogs at any one time, two males and one female. The female was attacked at a dog park about two years ago and since that day she had been wary of other dogs at the best of times, and had taken to fight with one of our dogs periodically. In the fall of 2013, my wife bought another boxer female. Had it flown across the country and it was pretty expensive. I didn’t actually get to see the exact amount, but from the website, it seems the dog was about $2500, and shipping was another $800 or so. So in total we spent about $3300. Not even three months later, my wife decided to get another dog – a boxer male. Again, it was flown across the country and roughly the same price. At this point we had 4 dogs – two males and two females, all boxers.
The two females started fighting. Not your typical “posturing” kind of fights, but the kind that would have eventually end up with one of them dead. This went on for a few weeks, and we took to separating the females all the time. Every time they would see each other, even through a window, they would start growling and get ready to fight. During one of these fights I was bitten on my left hand, and two of my fingers were badly damaged. That’s when my wife decided to get rid of the younger female, and she ended up selling it to someone for $100. This brought some peace to the house, but about a year ago the fights started again. This time the female started fighting with our younger male. The fights escalated to the same intensity as the ones with the other female last year. Three weeks ago today, they had a huge fight again – there was blood all over the floor and walls, and both dogs were badly injured. My wife gave them both some pain killers and took care of their wounds, but the female died the next day. I’m actually starting to tear up here because for the last 8 or 9 months, my wife kept referring to the female as “your dog” (meaning that she belonged to me). I did not buy any of the dogs and, frankly, I would be happy with just one – or none, really. Coincidentally, she started referring to the female as being my dog, a few days after I told her I wasn’t comfortable with so many dogs and I was worried for our safety. It seemed manipulative to use such language at that precise moment, but I didn’t force the issue.
Anyway, fast forward to last week, and my wife is online looking at dogs again. This time she wants a mastiff of some sort, and from the websites I can see that they run close to $5000. We’ve been having “intimacy issues” for a few years, but suddenly things have picked up too. She’s been extra nice and sweet, so I knew it was only a matter of time before she asked for a dog or, worse, tells me she bought one. Keep in mind we have two males. The older one has cancer and has become somewhat aggressive towards our son and has bitten him a few times – not too bad, but seriously, once is too many for me. The dog she wants to get would potentially grow to be 120 lbs or so. The ones we have already are over 80 lbs too. I have been bitten 7 times, and apparently they were my “fault” because I tried to stop the fights or got in the way of their food…while I was serving their food!
I mentioned up there that my wife was a vegetarian and “ready to go vegan.” I only mention that because she’s very adamant about not buying meat. A few years back, she would actually tell me to “put it back” if I grabbed a steak or something at the store. You can imagine how that went. She’s sort of relaxed a bit on that department, but there’s always the snide remark or two when I get some meat at the store. The funny thing is that my daughter loves steak! Yes, I feed her meat on the days when my wife is working, which the last couple of years have been quite a lot. The thing is, the last six months or so, she keeps buying beef bones from the store to give to the dogs. And lately, she has been hinting that she’s going to buy steak for the dogs. Honestly, I don’t mind giving them a treat like that once in a while. In fact, whenever I cook some meat, I always take a good portion to give to them. Last weekend she asked me how “upset” I would be if she brought home some meat from the dogs, and if I would “cry” about it. I told her I wouldn’t because, honestly, I think that would be the beginning of the end for our relationship. Not the fact that she’s buying the dogs something that she wouldn’t buy me, but because the disrespect would have become too much.
Last night she sent me a text asking me to “please” let her buy the dog she wants. I haven’t responded yet. Frankly, I don’t want another dog. It’s been only three weeks since our last dog died. I was looking forward to some peace in the house for a while. The fact that we have so many dogs means that we can’t go anywhere because we can’t find anyone to look after them. And right now, we have to plan for a few expenses that will be coming up in the fall.
I’m at a loss as to how to communicate that we should not get a dog – we already have two, we just lost one a few weeks back, and we should save money instead. I don’t know how to get across to her that what she’s doing is manipulative at best and cruel at worst. I don’t mind being secondary to the kids needs, but I can’t accept the dogs being put ahead of me anymore. Any thoughts and opinions? I’m all ears.
TL/DR: Two dogs in the house, one recently died, wife wants another. Six dogs in Seven years…a dozen bites…(almost) zero respect?
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 21:59
|
|
- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
-
|
Gonna go ahead and say the dudes therapist did not call his girlfriend a oval office sight unseen.
mirthless now thinks you're "trying too hard"
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 22:01
|
|
- Mirthless
- Mar 27, 2011
-
by the sex ghost
|
Gonna go ahead and say the dudes therapist did not call his girlfriend a oval office sight unseen.
Is this really all that unlikely? I've had some pretty out-there therapists willing to say some pretty out-there poo poo.
Therapists aren't doctors, anybody can call themselves a therapist. I had a therapist diagnose my boss with OCD fifteen minutes into my first (and only) session with her, based on a one-sentence throwaway statement. She also called him an rear end in a top hat.
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 22:02
|
|
- Ham Sandwiches
- Jul 7, 2000
-
|
Why do people's best friends have this very intense need to like, find loopholes that allow them to gently caress the poo poo out of said friends partners? It's always been quite the mystery to me.
In the same way that getting sent to jail seems to motivate people to become self taught lawyers, it appears that having a friend with a hot partner tends to generate similar incentives.
I feel like maybe "Don't gently caress your friends current or former partners" is probably good advice most of the time and yet sure seems to go unheeded in the name of hooking up. I'm not really sure what this guy should do in this case but it sure sounds like he wants to bail, the part that's most interesting to me is how Jake justified that entire leadup / outcome to himself.
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 22:05
|
|
- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
-
To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
-
Biscuit Hider
|
I think it’s really just a case of believing the rules are there for other people and that your situation, no matter how unexceptional, is the exception and so obviously there must be something “in the rules” or in the unwritten laws of social conduct that makes it ok.
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 22:07
|
|
- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
-
|
Is this really all that unlikely? I've had some pretty out-there therapists willing to say some pretty out-there poo poo.
Therapists aren't doctors, anybody can call themselves a therapist. I had a therapist diagnose my boss with OCD fifteen minutes into my first (and only) session with her, based on a one-sentence throwaway statement. She also called him an rear end in a top hat.
what was your major in college and grad school mirthless?
also, while anyone can be a "therapist" (you might mean life coach) you need a LCSW or a PsyD to be a "psychologist" IIRC
I know this because some PsyD students were in a class I took during my PhD studies 
My [34 M] girlfriend [32 F] of 1.5 years, had her counselor tell her I have narcissistic personality disorder, counselor has never met me, is this ok?Relationships
quote:
My girlfriend and I both see different counselors. I have been seeing mine for about 4 years. My girlfriend just moved to town and has been seeing her's for about 3 months.
Today my girlfriend went to her appointment. My gf has been struggling with anxiety and hasn't really ever gotten it treated. This morning I got upset about that and told her I wanted her to come up with a plan for getting it dealt with. When she said she had an appointment with her counselor I thought that's perfect and something she can talk with her about.
When she got back she was kind of "off" and stand-off-ish. She was really resistant to being willing to commit to a plan to deal with her anxiety and muttered something about me and narcissism. This caught my ear and I asked her about it.
It turns our her therapist, at the end of the session took out a DSM and asked my gf if she could read her some questions about me. The therapist asked her 7 questions and when my girlfriend had said yes to 5 the therapist said she didn't need to go on.
Then she said the following to my gf, "Don't you want to know what this is?" And my girlfriend reluctantly said sure.
The therapist then told my gf that I have narcissistic personality disorder. When my girlfriend told her what to do the therapist said there wasn't anything my gf could do. But that I had to acknowledge I had it and seek treatment.
Is this ok?
I feel terrible about all this and feel sick to my stomach. I know what the therapist did was wrong and I filed a complaint with the state, but I doubt it will do much.
I called my counselor up, who had recommended her, and he admitted it seemed very unusual for a counselor to say something like that to their client. He also said that without a person being in front of him he could never diagnose someone. I feel so angry about this.
What's worse is, it's really gotten between me and my girlfriend. I don't feel safe or trusting around her because of this. All I can think is that her counselor told her I have a serious personality disorder, and this counselor has never even met me!
Please help...
tl;dr: My girlfriend's counselor told my gf today that I have narcissistic personality disorder. This was based on my girlfriend reading her a few of our texts. After this the counselor pulls out a DSM manual and asks my girlfriend to answer some questions about me. After my girlfriend said yes to the first five. Then counselor told her I had narcissitic personality disorder. When my gf asked what she should do the counselor said "[I] needed to acknowledge [I] had it and seek treatment." Is this ok? PS I see a counselor already and this has never come up.
maskenfreiheit fucked around with this message at 22:12 on Oct 16, 2017
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 22:07
|
|
- Ham Sandwiches
- Jul 7, 2000
-
|
I think it’s really just a case of believing the rules are there for other people and that your situation, no matter how unexceptional, is the exception and so obviously there must be something “in the rules” or in the unwritten laws of social conduct that makes it ok.
Oh jeeze, imagine if you had a sov cit friend and a hot partner. That would be some poo poo.
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 22:07
|
|
- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
-
To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
-
Biscuit Hider
|
Actually the capital letters on the marriage certificate indicate that you married the corporate fiction recognized by the federal government and not the flesh and blood person.
Furthermore, I been to the office of this so called “justice of the peace” and his flag bears a gold fringe ipso facto he did not have the authority to conduct a terrestrial wedding not subject to maritime jurisdiction QED
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 22:15
|
|
- Ham Sandwiches
- Jul 7, 2000
-
|
Ahaha this guy isn't even in an open relationship, he just has all the benefits
My ex [24F] and I [27M] broke up and live in the same apartment. She brings over other guys and I am wondering how to tell her it makes me uncomfortable?
quote:She and I broke up a few weeks ago due to us growing apart. We live in the same apartment due to lease. She started bringing home new guys and I hear them moaning and kissing. I sleep in the guest room, and I can hear them. She also tells me about the dates she went on, and she sleeps around.
How can I tell her that it makes me uncomfortable? I hate to hear that she is banging new guys and they wake me up or distract me when i am studying for med school.
TL;DR : My ex is sleeping with new guys in our apartment and it makes me uncomfortable. How do I bring it up to her?
[edit]ROBOT MAN IS HERE WITH ADVICE
quote:The dudes she's banging now are not your business. If it's a noise concern, then bring it up as that, because she's not your ex, she's your roommate now and your former relationship isn't really relevant.
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 22:18
|
|
- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
-
|
I [19 F] am uncomfortable with my therapist, and don't know if her behavior is normal or how to stop seeing her.Personal issues
quote:
I started seeing a therapist a month ago for help dealing with some personal issues, and I noticed several red flags in her behavior. I feel like some of this is just my personal comfort level, like how she doesn't talk in sessions so I feel like the whole thing is a monologue, or how she says "aw" and gives me pity-face when I'm trying to have a clinical discussion of my symptoms.
Other things that I've experienced make me feel like she isn't very professional. She has never been any earlier than 13 minutes late to every single session we've had. She never has a clear ending time. She hasn't discussed a treatment plan with me, and she hasn't given me a diagnosis. She hasn't provided any direction during our sessions, and it always feels like an aimless discussion. At our most recent session, she took a call from another client while I was discussing something traumatic. I was feeling extremely upset, and during the call she mentioned that she was "wrapping up a session" which made me feel like I couldn't process what was going on. The worst problem is definitely timeliness, though. Once, she was 40 minutes late to a session. Then, she showed up, asked me to come back for another session that evening, and then was 20 minutes late to the rescheduled session.
Basically, I felt like she was being really unprofessional and wasn't helping me. I asked several people for advice on how to stop seeing her, because I've never broken up with a therapist before. They said to just "not show up to the session." So I didn't go to my last one, which was yesterday.
This morning, she showed up AT MY HOUSE and asked my aunt to see me. I feel extremely uncomfortable with this, like my privacy has been violated and I've been intruded upon. I also feel like, as a principle, it's a breach of confidentiality since our relationship is purely a professional one and she spoke to members of my family at my house without asking me. When she was here, she said a lot of things about me not answering her calls and her being worried, and wanting to have sessions more frequently. She also made an awkward comment about how pretty I am. I tried to be polite and showed her out the door, but in the process I got roped into another session that I really don't want to attend.
I'm not a very assertive person and I hate conflict, along with some social anxiety issues (partly why I'm in therapy) so having an honest conversation with her is incredibly terrifying to me. Because of what she did, I'm also not certain that she'll respect any boundaries that I try to set. I want to completely end our professional relationship, but I don't know how to tell her and I'm really freaked out right now! I've already found another psychologist that I want to replace her with. How do I stop seeing her?
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 22:19
|
|
- unwantedplatypus
- Sep 6, 2012
-
|
If something like this happens, can you pick up your PHD someplace else or are you pretty much screwed?
this is what I was talking about when I said borderline is overdiagnosed in women btw
His therapist never said any of those things I'm pretty goddamn confident
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 22:21
|
|
- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
-
|
Me [25f] with my friend of 10 years and now roomate [25f], Borderline Personality Disorder and lack of consideration.Non-Romantic
quote:
I'll try to make this as brief as possible. Feel free to ask questions for clarification. Writing this on my phone, so errors will happen.
I recently moved in with my longtime friend and some of her roomates. Prior to moving she warned me that I may see a side of her that I won't like. I wasn't sure what she meant until she revealed that she was recently diagnosed with BPD. She's dealt with a lot of issues with depression and suicidal thoughts. After a major incident post move-in, she's been trying regularly to get help. While she's handling her emotions a little better, there are still huge issues in how she deals with the household and me.
The biggest issue I have with her other than her not contributing to house chores is her lack of respect for my things and wishes. She forgets to return the things I let her borrow and in one instance broke an expensive item of mine. I only found out because I saw it. I feel like she only replaced it because her mom was there when I discovered it.
Another major issue is that she takes my food. I don't mind sharing when I want to share, but she doesn't even ask me! I have had several conversations telling her to just ask me. That's all I want! It's coming to the point where I don't want to share anything with her. Other than a rare hit from a joint (which I always politely or she'll offer), I don't ask her for anything. I've even stopped asking for that because of this.
She recently asked me for my Netflix password because her ex changed his password (he broke up with her 3 Months ago and he just realized she's been using it). I explained to her that we need to share the cost. She seemed taken aback and expressed that it was a weird for me to say that. She then went on to say that I must have been raised differently. I should've taken her to task then, but for fear of triggering her I agreed even though I was offended.
Also, she can be really manipulative. I'm starting to think that the only times she's genuine is when she doesn't want something from me. There have been many times where I can tell she's trying to get me to drive her somewhere, or that she's buttering me up to get me to do sketching for her. Like poo poo. Just be loving direct.
What should I do? Talking to her doesn't seem to be enough.
tl;dr: Roomate keeps disrespecting me by taking my food without asking. I've talked to her many times and yet this is still an issue. Her BPD supposedly makes her prone to selfishness and manipulative behaviour. I feel like I'm going to end up yelling at her enough to make her cry and break our friendship. I'm getting real tired of her poo poo, but i can't move for awhile.
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 22:31
|
|
- Mirthless
- Mar 27, 2011
-
by the sex ghost
|
edit: i give up, dude, gently caress you
Mirthless fucked around with this message at 23:38 on Oct 16, 2017
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 22:52
|
|
- coolskull
- Nov 11, 2007
-
|
a wonderful little Say Anything moment to discuss with your new therapist
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 23:14
|
|
- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
-
To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
-
Biscuit Hider
|
How do i [19M] tell my conservative parents [53-55 MF] that i want to get a plant science or horticulture degree to be marijuana grower
quote:
I'm a sophomore working on my plant science degree. I have always been in love with plants since i was very young and since computer science wasn't working out for me i decided to pursue a career in either horticulture or epigenetic botany. I made a few posts on r/botany about what type of work many botanists do and i was informed that there wasn't a very good outlook on the career. One person( can't remember the user) told me to look up the green rush. It turns out that it is projected to create over a quarter million jobs by 2020. I figured i would be able to do what i love and make decent money within a growing industry. I plan to move to a legal state after I graduate college and work as an assistant grower whilst applying for breeder jobs as more states legalize marijuana and more companies open up .
The only problem with my plan is my parents. Recently they have been constantly asking me questions like "what are you even going to do with his degree." to which i brilliantly reply "i'm not really sure yet." i have had conversations with them and they understand that the job market (outside of the marijuana industry) is pretty weak right now and the my salary would likely be under 35k. It's gotten to the point where i feel like i have no choice but to tell them and hope they're onboard.
I don't see myself as a pothead dreamer but i know that's where they're going to take it if i mention it to them. what can i do?
tl;dr i want to work in the marijuana industry and don't know how to tell my folks
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 23:21
|
|
- Ham Sandwiches
- Jul 7, 2000
-
|
How do i [19M] tell my conservative parents [53-55 MF] that i want to get a plant science or horticulture degree to be marijuana grower
You don't tell them a loving thing and inform them once you have a successful business and you can now afford to pay the note on their house.
Or
Expect a world of poo poo for being a dumbass, at least you'll be thanked for your honesty.
Take your pick!
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 23:26
|
|
- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
-
To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
-
Biscuit Hider
|
You don't tell them a loving thing and inform them once you have a successful business and you can now afford to pay the note on their house.
Or
Expect a world of poo poo for being a dumbass, at least you'll be thanked for your honesty.
Take your pick!
First 1 then 2
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 23:36
|
|
- LadyPictureShow
- Nov 18, 2005
-
Success!
|
I [19 F] am uncomfortable with my therapist, and don't know if her behavior is normal or how to stop seeing her.Personal issues
Wow, I know she said she has problems being assertive, but this is completely off the rails. People seem awfully scared to pick up sticks and try to find a better fit with a therapist/counselor.
I might just be jaded since I've been going to psychs/therapists on and off for about fifteen years, and it's one of those things my family doesn't really believe in, but I had one therapist I met with (lousy insurance, my previous awesome therapist retired) that I didn't even make it through an entire session with. I was explaining to her my background issues beyond the files/summary my last therapist had forwarded to her. One thing that really hosed with me was a bad medication interaction due to meds a previous psych had prescribed for me which resulted in hospitalization/ being ridiculously misdiagnosed.
The therapist interrupted me in the middle of my story and said 'I've never heard of anyone getting serotonin syndrome. If the hospital said it was alcohol withdrawal, that means it was' and pulled out one of those 'in the past 12 months, has alcohol caused problems with ______'. I was not only offended by the form, but the fact she straight up said she thought I was a liar (and by extension some kind of extreme alcoholic in extreme denial), I just up and walked out with about forty minutes left in the session.
 If a therapist doesn't seem helpful or doesn't seem like a good match for whatever reason, it's a-okay to shop around to find a better fit.
And goddamn, on that dog front, I have never understood how people just suffer in silence/eventually roll over on their spouse/SO's dog hoarding obsession.
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 23:57
|
|
- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
-
I have no mouth and I must post
|
A friend(23M) of mine(22F) just got super angry because I said a 13 year old should not be in a relationship with a 18 year old boy. Should I worry?
quote:
I have no idea if this even really fits here because while it's technically a relationship question there are a whole lot of other nuances to this. It just really made me uncomfortable and I think of getting rid of that friend.
So this guy "Ben" and I aren't super close. He is with a very good friend of mine, which caused us to spend time together. We even met for a double date once. I found him funny, but somewhat socially awkward. I thought maybe he was an introvert trying his best or just a shy person, so I tried my best to keep out interactions flowing and pleasant. I wouldn't call him a very good friend, but we hang out in groups alot and he's often there.
He has a girlfriend who is one year younger than him and from my perspective and what I hear they seem pretty happy. She's very reserved and not joins group meeting often, so I don't know her well. But she seems friendly.
We hung out at a friends place, with my boyfriend Dave and another friend, Lucas, playing video games together and drinking a few beers, but no one was drunk. The friend who's place it is told us how parents had caught his little sister trying to sneak a boyfriend in, to which they freaked out a little. Then Lucas told us how his little stepsister who is 13 had a "boyfriend" who was 18.
Basically I agreed with friend one and two who said that this is very unhealthy and he was taking advantage of her. I said something along the lines of "He's obviously using the power imbalance, 18 year old are way ahead of 13 year Olds." to which Ben became silent. I thought he was disgusted by the thought of it and added "I mean if he had good intentions he would date someone with the same maturity level."
Ben basically 'soft' raged.(Soft as in he was obviously angry but didn't yell or something.) He asked me where the studies are to prove that this would be harmful for the girl, how I would even know that their relationship wasn't out of love, how minors are discriminated against because they can't have sex with anyone and a whole range of shocking stuff.
I was so shocked of how outburst I didn't really knew what to say. Dave jumped in and asked him what he was trying to achieve with arguing for a minor having a clearly unhealthy relationship. To which Ben basically said he hadn't defend himself, that we were arrogant idiots for assuming we know what's good for other people and left.
He has since then apologized for "words that were said in rage" via text message but neither I nor any of the friends group said anything to that.
This seems sort worrisome to me, what do I do? I told my boyfriend I don't think I want to talk to Ben again. He understood and agreed that it was super weird. I don't even really want to think about what this means for Ben, because I feel like there's no really good reason to defend stuff like that.
Am I reacting right by cutting him? Should I give him the possibility to explain his views? Is there any hope this isn't a bad thing?
P. S. English is not my first language, km sorry for any mistakes I made.
TL;DR: Friend defend relationship between 18 year old and 13 old, became somewhat aggressive after we disagreed. I don't think I want to be friends with him anymore. Letting him explain this or straight cutting him out of my life?
How big of a Star Trek fan is Ben?
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2017 00:25
|
|
- Danaru
- Jun 5, 2012
-
何 ??
|
I [28F] killed my husband [38M] in self-defense 5 years ago. Finally trying to start dating. What do I say when it comes up?
quote:
I grew up in a very religious family. They picked my husband for me when I was 18 and he was 28. I married him the week they told me they found him for me.
He was physically abusive, but because of our family's values system, this was not a big deal and I was seen as a bad wife that needed to be kept in line. I was not allowed to use a cell phone or the internet without his permission and they were always locked up in his safe. I was not allowed to leave without him or one of my parents. The violence started escalating as we kept trying for a child and I kept either failing to get pregnant or kept having miscarriages.
One night he came home really drunk and started on me. He kept it going for hours until I locked myself in our bedroom and grabbed his gun that he kept in his nightstand. He kicked the door in and I ended up forced to shoot him. He didn't die right away, but a few days later.
The cops came and took me to the hospital. He had broken my nose, a bunch of bones around my eye socket, and my jaw. I had internal bleeding from a bunch of places. I would've died if it had gone untreated.
In the end, I was not charged, but my parents and his family made it their job to harass me, calling me a murderer and a lot of other things. I had to get a restraining order against them and ended up moving across country with a girl I met in a support group. I changed my name so my parents could not contact me.
I got my RN, and I make a pretty good life for myself, have plenty of friends, but I have abstained from dating.
A friend has a friend she would like me to meet. She thinks we would get along well, as he's a doctor and I'm an RN, and so we have agreed to a date this upcoming Friday.
I've read about dating now, I understand how it actually works, and I know I am ready for it. I will take my time, take it slow, and go from there.
I won't broach the topic first thing or on the first date, but what do I say if he asks me anything?
tl;dr: I killed my abusive husband in self defense. How do I explain it if it comes up prematurely?
EDITED TO CLARIFY: I DON'T INTEND ON BRINGING IT UP ANY TIME SOON. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT I SHOULD SAY IF ASKED.
I'm not going to lie, "I killed an abusive sack of poo poo who I was forced to marry in self defense" would be the opposite of a deal breaker.
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2017 00:27
|
|
- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
-
|
A friend(23M) of mine(22F) just got super angry because I said a 13 year old should not be in a relationship with a 18 year old boy. Should I worry?
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2017 00:30
|
|
- Ham Sandwiches
- Jul 7, 2000
-
|
I'm not going to lie, "I killed an abusive sack of poo poo who I was forced to marry in self defense" would be the opposite of a deal breaker.
Maybe, but it's also not something I'm super thrilled to hear on a date. Or at any point, really.
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2017 00:30
|
|
- Ugly In The Morning
- Jul 1, 2010
-
-
Pillbug
|
Gonna go ahead and say the dudes therapist did not call his girlfriend a oval office sight unseen.
When I dated a girl with BPD, she would tell stories like this about the awful things people were saying behind her back all the time. They were never true.
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2017 00:38
|
|
- LGD
- Sep 25, 2004
-
|
Maybe, but it's also not something I'm super thrilled to hear on a date. Or at any point, really.
it definitely seems like something that takes some finesse, because it could really put someone off if it came up early but you also don't want to be all "oh honey, did I ever tell you about that time I shot my husband to death?" a couple years in
hopefully she's romantically successful enough it's not something she ever needs to get good at explaining
or she at least gets really good at punny one-liners that allude to shooting him without ever coming out and saying it
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2017 00:40
|
|
- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
-
I have no mouth and I must post
|
Causally play that Dixie Chick's song on Spotify and say "Oh, hey, so about my first husband."
This one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gw7gNf_9njs
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2017 00:43
|
|
- Motronic
- Nov 6, 2009
-
|
My PhD advisor [53 M] is making me [28F] increasingly uncomfortable with borderline romantic gestures/e-mailsNon-Romantic
He gave me his favorite Simon and Garfunkle CD.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9C1BCAgu2I8
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2017 00:57
|
|
- coolskull
- Nov 11, 2007
-
|
Imagine if the genders were reversed on this one.
Okay, I will imagine it.
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2017 01:03
|
|
- Ham Sandwiches
- Jul 7, 2000
-
|
it definitely seems like something that takes some finesse, because it could really put someone off if it came up early but you also don't want to be all "oh honey, did I ever tell you about that time I shot my husband to death?" a couple years in
Yeah there just doesn't seem to be a good time to broach that one.
It feels just a touch like a real life version of the Happy Gilmore gag "Hey, my girlfriend is dead, you know. She fell off a cliff and died on impact."
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2017 01:14
|
|
- tactlessbastard
- Feb 4, 2001
-
Godspeed, post
-
Fun Shoe
|
Imagine if the genders were reversed on this one.
I guess somewhere out there there's a meek dude in one of these religious arranged marriages getting absolutely destroyed by his malevolent spouse but he's probably going to prison if he shoots her, even if it was actual self defense.
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2017 01:18
|
|
- Breetai
- Nov 6, 2005
-
🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌
|
Turn left thread.
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2017 01:25
|
|
- Danaru
- Jun 5, 2012
-
何 ??
|
Yeah I kinda hoped we wouldn't dive right into what-about-men-ism, so here's more content
Someone wired a somewhat large sum of money to me, believing I was somebody else.
quote:
Now, first off - this guy is an idiot. I have never met nor spoken to him. I have no idea how he found my fake email address. But he did, and apparently an email address is all you need to send someone money in Canada. This is not the email address, but it serves as an example of what it is: mrjefferson@gmail.com. That's it. A fake name. Apparently this guy was looking to wire some money to some lady but couldn't find her email, so he wired to mr_@gmail.com, where _ is her last name. So he's an idiot.
Frankly, I'd like the money. There is a hitch, though; he sent me the money via "interac e-transfer", which is like some Canadian paypal thing, from what I gathered. I did some looking around and it doesn't look like I can get a Canadian bank account, which I would need to receive the money.
So: any way I can get the money? If I could, could there be any sort of recourse once this guy realizes his mistake?
Is it legal for me to literally steal a guy's money? 
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2017 01:34
|
|
- RatHat
- Dec 31, 2007
-
A tiny behatted rat👒🐀!
|
Ironically sending the money back is one of the worst things he could do since it's likely a scam. He should just not accept and let it expire.
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2017 01:55
|
|
- Adbot
-
ADBOT LOVES YOU
|
|
|
#
?
May 14, 2024 19:46
|
|
- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
-
|
My wife [34M] wants to get a university degree, but I [38M] don't think the timing is right. We have 3 kids.Relationships (self.relationships)
quote:
My wife and I have been married for 6 years. She has an adopted daughter, currently age 13 and in boarding school. We also have a 5F and a 3M.
My wife was really good at math and physics when she was in high school. Her dad is a university computer science professor and her brother is also a programmer. She was accepted into a prestigious computer science program when she graduated high school, but she turned it down in order to pursue her fashion modeling career.
Her modeling career was long lived, relatively, and during her best years she earned more than a computer scientist could ever make. She stopped modeling around the time she turned 30, because of our kids.
I am a partner at a law firm and so my work hours are pretty long. My wife currently writes children's books--she's no JK Rowling but the sales are good and she sometimes travels for promotion stuff. We have a wonderful nanny and cook to help us out at home, but the kids miss her when she's away.
Anyways. My wife told me today that she's seriously considering applying for a 3 year computer science degree at the local university. She said that she's willing to take preparation courses and night classes since her high school qualifications are 17 years old. I have no doubt that she'll make it into the school, which is in our city and a commutable distance from our home, but I just don't think the timing is right.
I told her this and she said that she thinks the timing is perfect. She says that the nanny will be able to look after our kids when she's studying or in school. I asked her about her books and she said that she's going to put that on hold for now and that her publisher will understand.
I told her that if she had to study something, why not study writing or literature or something related to her current career, why computer science. She said that it just interests her and that she doesn't even have to work in the field after graduation, she just wants to be able to say that she has a degree.
I think she's sort of self conscious about the fact that she never went to higher education. I think its perfectly fine though. She's smart, she doesn't have to prove it to anyone. I just think that her pursuing a 3 year computer science program will not be a good idea for our family at this time. Our kids are young, and our 3 year old son especially needs her. I'm away from home often as it is due to the nature of my work, and I don't want my kids to be raised by the nanny. I also don't think she should give up on her writing career, which allows her to work from home and is less time commitment than a full time degree.
TL;DR: My wife and I have 3 kids: 13, 5, 3. She was always interested in computer science but never got a degree in it because of other career opportunities. Now she wants to go for it. I think this is really bad timing due to our young children and my long work hours.
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2017 03:25
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2017 21:57
