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UltraRed posted:I have an orb that contains the souls of everyone in Fargrimdark, but I lost it when a plucky young sidekick knocked it out of my hand with a boomerang and it shattered upon the castle floor and now all those shitheads have their souls back. tfn kid Aww that sucks man. Maybe you can use the shards to take the Kings soul and hold it for ransom until that kid comes back and then just murder him.
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Oct 16, 2017 22:45
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| # ? May 9, 2024 21:11 |
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*counteracts all of your evil magic* I am a good wizard
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Oct 16, 2017 22:47
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Thing about good wizards is that without binding the spirits of the ancient scholars or learning from demons, it takes forever to master the really good spells. And then they just die of old age like chumps!
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Oct 16, 2017 22:51
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Takes more work and the only real things you can do is be reactive in your life when some rival evil wizard goes conquering. What's the point of power if you can't force your ideals onto the world or twist it for your own amusement.
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Oct 16, 2017 22:56
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Verisimilidude posted:*counteracts all of your evil magic* God modding is actually evil as hell #664432. Welcome to the dark side.
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Oct 17, 2017 00:05
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Speleothing posted:Thing about good wizards is that without binding the spirits of the ancient scholars or learning from demons, it takes forever to master the really good spells. And then they just die of old age like chumps! Not necessarily. I do my best to avoid them, but the Righteous Council is 100% wizard, and, so far as I can tell, undying. So long as they have the favor of the God Of Light, anyway. Their mind and flesh is seemingly as capable as it was on their day of ascension. The only way to even make them mortal is by corrupting them, and lord knows darker liches than I have tried to.
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Oct 17, 2017 08:23
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basic hitler posted:Not necessarily. I do my best to avoid them, but the Righteous Council is 100% wizard, and, so far as I can tell, undying. So long as they have the favor of the God Of Light, anyway. Clerics! *spits*
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Oct 17, 2017 10:54
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I put on my robe and wizard hat
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Oct 17, 2017 12:58
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I spent a shitload of gold pieces at Yggradsil's store, I better be able to use this stuff at some point.
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Oct 17, 2017 13:05
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Hihohe posted:Aww that sucks man. Maybe you can use the shards to take the Kings soul and hold it for ransom until that kid comes back and then just murder him. Thanks for the advice. I actually faked my death to get away because I didn't really have a Plan B. I just, you know, thought it would work. 
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Oct 17, 2017 16:05
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So... I animated a few skeletons from a pauper's graveyard the other day, and everything was normal except one was acting funny and would try to escape on occasion. Usually this happens if it had unfinished business and maybe there's a ghost of it out there. I was going to just destroy it but I had speak with dead prepared and was curious so I went ahead. It spoke to me in my in voice. I called up one of my fwb, a forensic anthropologist and she studied and confirmed it is my own skeleton. Carbon dated it and it is about 10 years older than me. The grave it was in was placed 9 1/2 years ago. I'm not really sure what to do here. It just says "Do not seek the treasure!" when I talk to it. I don't even know what it's talking about.
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Oct 17, 2017 16:16
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That's called a soul fragment and you need to fuse with it. Having it wander around, even as a part of your collection of skeletons, is super dangerous. It's uncomfortable and disorienting and you're gonna have long memories of more or less existing in pain underground, but you need to do it.
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Oct 17, 2017 16:59
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Oct 17, 2017 17:02
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basic hitler posted:That's called a soul fragment and you need to fuse with it. Having it wander around, even as a part of your collection of skeletons, is super dangerous. I'm more worried that in six months or less I somehow get killed ten years ago.
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Oct 17, 2017 17:09
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SilvergunSuperman posted:I spent a shitload of gold pieces at Yggradsil's store, I better be able to use this stuff at some point. When I was low level (and not fully evil yet) my local wizard shop was horseshit. Their inventory was like _________________________________ - cloth scraps 1 copper - rusty pants 2 copper - cracked rusty short sword that does less damage than the dagger you started with 1 silver - cracked yew short bow you can't equip because you put all your skill points into mana 2 copper -skeever tails. You know, those rats that cause disease? They stock severed tails here. You can't SELL them all those tails you keep collecting when you get attacked crawling around looking for barrels to rummage in, god forbid you make any money at this 1 copper - bland frumpy wizard robes that convey only a tiny bonus and you know you'll find something better as soon as you go out rummaging around some barrels somewhere but if you don't spend every coin you have you'll die the second you go outside but then you can't sell them for what you paid 2 silver - rusty boots (cracked) 1 copper -GARGULON'S DARK VORPAL DEATH STAFF OF SUMMON LIGHTENING FROST ATRONACH STORM DEMON MURDER STAFF SKELETON DEATH STAFF SKULL DESTRUCTION 5738379497273729 gold
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Oct 17, 2017 17:21
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Waroduce posted:I put on my robe and wizard hat Go on.  Al Borland Corp. posted:So... I animated a few skeletons from a pauper's graveyard the other day, and everything was normal except one was acting funny and would try to escape on occasion. Usually this happens if it had unfinished business and maybe there's a ghost of it out there. I was going to just destroy it but I had speak with dead prepared and was curious so I went ahead. Don't seek the treasure for at least five years, to be safe. naem posted:When I was low level (and not fully evil yet) my local wizard shop was horseshit. Capitalism is evil. You didn't know?
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Oct 17, 2017 17:38
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I'm the most evil wizard of you all. I have given my subjects free healthcare and social security. Now they will be dependent on me and never be truly free. Mwhahahahahaha
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Oct 17, 2017 17:48
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Or they could move to Canada. Unless you mean you're Justin Trudeau
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Oct 17, 2017 17:55
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CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:Capitalism is evil. You didn't know? You know I think I first turned evil out of frustration just trying to scrounge up money for that drat staff and then it wasn't in inventory!! They replaced it with a cleric's orb or some garbage. I'd done a (really minor) fetch quest for this Jarl who gave me permission to buy a house (in this really over the top speech, it was weird like he just sat there in a big chair waiting to make this speech all day. Then as soon as the sun set he and the entire court all walked up a set of stairs and lay down in a row of beds fully clothed with the doors open while I stood there it was so weird). I had all this loot I couldn't sell so I bought the least expensive house, a "dilapidated alchemists tower" outside town (next to the mountain with the giant ice skull on top) to dump it all. I found that tome of summon skeleton and the trap door (to the ice labyrinth under the mountain) and started luring adventurers in to make some quick cash off their loot and didn't even know I'd created a skeleton army out of them, just kept hearing all this creaking from the basement! The rest is history
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Oct 17, 2017 18:06
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Al Borland Corp. posted:Or they could move to Canada. Unless you mean you're Justin Trudeau Many Canadians are actually liches, to survive the frigid Canadian winters. They're okay by me, eh? naem posted:You know I think I first turned evil out of frustration just trying to scrounge up money for that drat staff and then it wasn't in inventory!! They replaced it with a cleric's orb or some garbage. 
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Oct 17, 2017 19:55
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I ran out of magic missile casts and wasn't that tired so I just used regular darts instead. Pack plenty, you need way, WAY more.
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Oct 17, 2017 20:32
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Al Borland Corp. posted:I'm more worried that in six months or less I somehow get killed ten years ago. Sounds like youve got some alternative selves that are murdering each other and dumping the corpses in your current shard. Or worse you pissed off a 4th dimensional being.
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Oct 18, 2017 22:07
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So recently I had some business to deal with in a metaplane where time was actually a physical resource you could gather. I will tell you what, some "heroes" will go to any length, but it's not quite as cool when you lock them inside a physical temporal loop. That's beside the point. As I returned back to my home plane, I found some extra time that was in the folds of my cloak. I brought metaplane resources to mortal plane (Yeah, I know, Rainbowbeard, the laws and all SORRY). I started experimenting with it and found I could actually replicate the material. It's allowed me to actually tap into spells I'd previously cast and redirect the resources into a spell I'm casting now. Sort of like resonance or feedback? However, I'm wondering if anyone has some experience with chronal magic or temporal rituals. I've put a lot of folks in the dirt in the past and I wouldn't want to really gently caress up the timelines if these resonance loops are siphoning old power instead of repeating it. Am I setting myself up to accidentally save heroes and adventures in the past from their grisly fates by casting spells today?
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Oct 19, 2017 03:23
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Al Borland Corp. posted:So... I animated a few skeletons from a pauper's graveyard the other day, and everything was normal except one was acting funny and would try to escape on occasion. Usually this happens if it had unfinished business and maybe there's a ghost of it out there. I was going to just destroy it but I had speak with dead prepared and was curious so I went ahead. I'm just a morally compromised alchemist, but I think you should start asking your skeleton about that treasure.
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Oct 19, 2017 04:27
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Skypie posted:So recently I had some business to deal with in a metaplane where time was actually a physical resource you could gather. I will tell you what, some "heroes" will go to any length, but it's not quite as cool when you lock them inside a physical temporal loop. As long as you have the correct wards up, none of this is.. ... ... you don't even know what The Laws are, do you?
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Oct 19, 2017 04:31
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CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:As long as you have the correct wards up, none of this is.. I just assumed there was one in there about replicating resources unique to metaplanes. Look, man, the phylactery is for my immortal soul, not books. Why do you think I reanimated all those barristers!
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Oct 19, 2017 04:34
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Get Away With What Thou Wilt Be The Whole Of The Laws. There are a couple of sub Laws, but jeez you guys it's pretty simple, they all fit on a medium sized stone tablet.
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Oct 19, 2017 04:41
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Sometimes the petty evil is the best. I hexed a group of paladins so that every toilet they visit will be unflushed and someone left a poo poo on the seat. For added measure all toilet paper feels rough to them.
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Oct 19, 2017 07:16
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You're just feeding into their martyr complex and making them stronger, dude. A better curse would be to make their genitalia hypersensitive and to make their underwear, like, incredibly silky and smooth. Do you know how difficult it is for a gaggle of paladins -- that's the scientific term for a group of paladins, look it up -- to look stern and menacing and commanding when they're trying to hide awkward boners? It also feeds into their slow corruption into the desires of the flesh, which is always good for a laugh.
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Oct 19, 2017 07:23
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No, it's a gaggle of Blackguards, and a murder of Paladins.
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Oct 19, 2017 13:06
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CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:Many Canadians are actually liches, to survive the frigid Canadian winters. They're okay by me, eh? Canadians go Wendigo, not Lich. Not that there isn't a sizable Lich population up there, but most of them are former Americans who fled during the Bush administration. The average Lich is socially conservative, but theurgically liberal.
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Oct 19, 2017 13:14
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Blurry Gray Thing posted:The average Lich is socially conservative, but theurgically liberal. lmao
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Oct 19, 2017 15:06
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I like to set occasional challenges for myself, like avoiding using evocation spells for a month to foster a creative problem solving approach. This time though, I think I went a little too far with it. So a band of do-gooders invaded my keep looking for some missing peasants and didn't realize that they were some of the skeletons that they hacked through on the way to my inner sanctum and tried to end my reign of terror once and for all, yadda yadda. Well, they were expecting the usual fireball and lightning slinging madman and instead got a whole different confrontation; chain-summoned shadow demons, their worst fears made flesh, and all the rest of that fun. Their rogue disengages from the fight and skirts around the room, ready to plant a dagger in my back. I spotted the sneaky little poo poo, and nailed him dead-on with a new transmutation spell of my own devising: Bones to Ants I had only tested it on skeletons before, and let's just say it turned out my mind wrote a check that my stomach couldn't cash. The battle immediately comes to a halt, all eyes fixed on this pathetic, twitching sack of flesh uttering a continual inhuman moan, and then the demons rip the rest of his distracted group apart. I'm left alone in the room with this thing on my floor, oozing blood and wheezing as it slowly suffocates under the weight of its own bug-ridden flesh. I think I'm going to erase the spell from my book. It's not even in the ranking of the top 10 worst things I've done, but it was definitely one of the more surprisingly unpleasant things to watch. 
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Oct 19, 2017 15:28
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Welp, I managed to hatch my dragon egg. She's a feisty one, but she knows I'm her mama! I got her a pile of gold coins to sleep on and some chickens and goats for her to eat when she's big enough. I scried a nice spacious cave for her to live in when she's old enough, but I'm keeping her in the tower for now. I can't wait to terrorize the countryside on her back!
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Oct 19, 2017 15:47
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Poor call, dragon omelettes is good eatin.
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Oct 19, 2017 15:49
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She's a female, she'll produce plenty of eggs when she's mature. 
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Oct 19, 2017 15:55
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Blurry Gray Thing posted:Canadians go Wendigo, not Lich. Wait, are you saying that Canadians are extremely prone to cannibalism? That seems very arbitrary. Vernii posted:I like to set occasional challenges for myself, like avoiding using evocation spells for a month to foster a creative problem solving approach. This time though, I think I went a little too far with it. Let me get that spell real quick. Pththya-lyi posted:She's a female, she'll produce plenty of eggs when she's mature. Yes, good foresight.
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Oct 19, 2017 16:00
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CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:
Yea sure, you can have it. Just as an FYI; dispelling the magic so you can make a skeleton out of their remains later doesn't work that well, each individual ant just turns back into a tiny shard of bone and you end up with tens of thousands of pieces all over the goddamn place.
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Oct 19, 2017 16:13
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That actually sounds like it might save some time for creating new skeletal structures for aberrant monsters. You can just bone mold the pieces into the shape you want instead of spending your weekend piecing a honeycomb ribcage together out of metatarsals or whatever.
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Oct 19, 2017 17:58
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Just grind the bone fragments into ash and make a skeleton 3d printer that uses them as a medium.
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Oct 19, 2017 18:06
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