quote:

TLDR : Was I wrong to kick out my son and his girlfriend after a very nasty fight?

My (55 M divorced) son (29 M) and his girlfriend (27 F) has been living with me, rent free, for two years. He works part time, she is unemployed. They have been a couple for about six years.

I allowed them to live with me as they were seemingly trying to get their act together and no one else would let them move in. They have had drug issues in the past. They also have a history of nasty fights where he beats up on her while she screams and kicks. They will fight one day and the next day they are the picture perfect loving couple.

In mid August 2017 I asked them to move out. I gave them over four and half months to move out by December 31. The girlfriend made more of an effort to research apartments to move into. My son, hardly lifted a finger.

They didn't move out on December 31. Had not even packed any of their stuff. Seemed to me they (my son especially) didn't even intend to move out.

Since I didn't want to send them into the cold winter, I said they could stay for the short term as long as they pay rent. My son agreed.

However, last night, they had a very, very nasty fight. He was shoving her around, throwing stuff, breaking stuff. She threatened him with a taser and a knife.

I stopped the fight. Then, I said to them both, "Get Out ... now".

She called a friend right away and left. She was upset she had to leave but seemed to understand. She seemed relieved to get out and away from my son.

My son, on the other hand, didn't understand why he had to go, as being my blood son, he has 'rights' to live in the house, whereas the girlfriend doesn't.

It breaks my heart that I felt pushed to the limit and kicked them out.

I was tired of the fighting, the bickering, the screaming, the hitting, the black eyes, on and off drug use, coming and going at all hours, the part time work and unemployment, the smoking, the lack of help around the house, breaking doors.

I feel they, my son especially, took advantage on my compassion and love by not moving out by December 31.

Was I wrong to kick both of them out after that nasty nasty fight?

Dienes posted:

Never said it was intercourse, just that it was a form of sex.

Pick posted:

I can’t reconcile you having a good job with knowing what case closed is. *looks in the mirror* oh my god

Dienes posted:

Never said she was a whore or that sex work was a bad thing. Also, different people can point out different things from a single post!

When I see people jumping through semantic hoops like she is, I see someone who isn't an honest narrator.

Never said it was intercourse, just that it was a form of sex.

girl pants posted:

Bro she literally said in the post that she was a camgirl who stopped camming when it was bothering her boyfriend and her boyfriend said she was meeting up with people to have sex with them against his wishes. That isn't 'semantic hoops', that's straight up lying on his part. And nobody said it wasn't sex work so I don't know why you're arguing that at all

quote:

Forth, I have never traded sex for money. How ludicrous!!

Jack-Off Lantern posted:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/7o27ef/fiance_of_10_years_slept_with_uncle_for_drugs/

Barudak posted:

The best way to sell an instrument is to play a song that was popular when the purchaser was 18.

Ask me about my go to comments regarding late 80s-90s nick despite being too young and not having cable in that era

quote:

My wife and I have been married for 6 years. No kids and no plans to have kids. About 2 years ago we started looking into buying a home. After a lot of consideration we decided the best route was custom-building. We live in a fairly cheap housing area that is quickly growing. It seemed like the best way to get exactly what we want while opening us up to the opportunity for future profit.

So we met with builders, found one we liked, decided on a floor plan, and got to work. My wife and I have been heavily involved from the very beginning. We've picked out everything, from the lot it is built on to layout to flooring to counter tops to light fixtures. This house should, theoretically, be exactly what we want. We've visited the site frequently, met with the builder throughout the process....we've just been 100% involved.

Right before Thanksgiving we went on a walk-through. All that was left was putting in appliances and counter tops. I was super happy with everything. My wife...was not. She broke down, saying she hated it and didn't want to live in the house. I was completely dumbfounded. We've been on multiple walk-throughs, she's seemed enthusiastic on every one. She was right beside me picking out every single detail of the house. She literally built this house and now hates it, saying it's not what she wants.

We talked a bunch and I begged and pleaded with her to wait until it was all done to make up her mind. So about 3 weeks ago now we went on another walk through. Everything was dusted off, walls are freshly painted, counter-tops installed, tape is off the fixtures. It's move-in ready.

And she hated it. I asked her what it was she didn't like. The color of the carpet, the counter tops, the fixtures. I was ready to fix whatever it was. She just said she hates all of it, and it doesn't feel like a home.

With that I suggested we move all our stuff in, that maybe with our furniture and pictures she'd feel better. Nope...she refuses to even move in. She has flat out told me she will not move in to the house and refuses to live there.

I'm lost. Turning around and selling this house will be a huge loss financially. On top of that, I am just so frustrated. It's a house. The bones shouldn't really matter, it's the home we make in it. But regardless of that, she should love the bones. She picked them out!

I'm on the verge of telling her that I am moving in and she can follow me or not, but I'm afraid of ruining my marriage. I don't want that. I'm just so, so frustrated with how she's behaving right now.

What do I do? How can we make this work?

tl;dr: My wife and I custom-built a home and she refuses to move in to it now, saying she hates it and it doesn't feel right. I'm at the end of my rope and don't know what to do.

La Brea Carpet posted:

My wife [32F] and I [34M] spent the better part of the past year custom building a house. Now that it's done she hates it and refuses to move in. I'm lost.

Barudak posted:

The best way to sell an instrument is to play a song that was popular when the purchaser was 18.

Ask me about my go to comments regarding late 80s-90s nick despite being too young and not having cable in that era

girl pants posted:

it took me a minute here to realize that you were probably talking about guitars because I couldn't stop imagining an old Austrian luthier with a big bushy mustache cracking out Sweet Child o Mine on a $5000 violin.

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Um to the "it's not about the house" people, the conflict and post is about the house and the conflict is escalating as the house nears completion, what is the buried secret she's hiding that you think will come out?

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Um to the "it's not about the house" people, the conflict and post is about the house and the conflict is escalating as the house nears completion, what is the buried secret she's hiding that you think will come out?

girl pants posted:

she never loved him the entire time they were together but he was a nice guy and she didn't want to break his heart so she decided to stick it out because she was already in too deep and now it's all coming to a head.

would be my guess.

Ham Sandwiches posted:

I see, so for this person faking their way through their relationship, pretending she likes the house is the charde that's a step too far, but spending every night with a guy she despises is somehow no problem

Universe Master posted:

They are giving her the benefit of the doubt. If it really is about the house she is the most irrational woman in the world.

Ham Sandwiches posted:

People have stuff custom built all the time and they end up hating the result all the time. Cars, homes, decor, websites, logos, you name it. Kim and Kanye had a huge conflict over an expensive remodel that was presumably what they wanted but didn't agree on the results.

Universe Master posted:

But enough not to want to move in, and to lose an enormous amount of money?

Universe Master posted:

They are giving her the benefit of the doubt. If it really is about the house she is the most irrational woman in the world.

Universe Master posted:

But enough not to want to move in, and to lose an enormous amount of money?

value-brand cereal posted:

Holy hell did you make this? I love it.

VideoTapir posted:

Barudak posted:

Also I wish there was a way I could share stories like this or distilate the feeling of self loathing at ones art to inject in the veins of every person who thinks they can do their own interior design or other such artistically inclined products.

Also in my fantasy we imprison the designer from trading spaces who glued hay to peoples walls and put sand on their floors.

Demon Of The Fall posted:

she really didn't want to move in with him but went along with it out of fear or something else, and now that it's reality she is freaking out

fruit on the bottom posted:

*puffs on pipe*

You see the female desires children but the male has expressed that they do not have nor do they desire them, a decision surely reached by application of the male logic which has no regard for the act of creation and indeed must be driven by its nature to destroy.

Bereft of fulfillment, the female attempts to displace her desire by creating. Since she cannot create a family, she instead creates the dwelling in which a family would live. The tragedy is that the house is only a substitute for the womb, and a poor one at that, and thus no matter how painstakingly she brings her design to life it cannot fill the void and can only ever disappoint her. A tragic and futile quest.

Also the IKEA furniture was a poor move aesthetically.

girl pants posted:

A-are you saying that building a house is the ultimate IKEA test?!

Barudak posted:

Also I wish there was a way I could share stories like this or distilate the feeling of self loathing at ones art to inject in the veins of every person who thinks they can do their own interior design or other such artistically inclined products.

Also in my fantasy we imprison the designer from trading spaces who glued hay to peoples walls and put sand on their floors.