purple death ray posted:

Teodor is a bear too, him and Cornelius and Phillipe are all stuffed animals

GameCube posted:

dionysian posted:

Thanks to American football it seems I'll have to permanently retire my beloved retard helmet.

Chuck Buried Treasure posted:

FactsAreUseless posted:

Teodor is a rabbit, Onstad mentions it in some added fiction in one of the hardcover books. Which is weird, because he's drawn like a bear and Teodor is clearly a play on "Teddy Bear," but my theory is Onstad forgot.

purple death ray posted:

death of the author

Garrand posted:

Sometimes it's the little things

Heath posted:

I thought the whole joke was that the little thing didn’t make it

Phy posted:

This but instead of "death", "retirement from webcomicing to write food blogs and create bespoke sody-pops"

Panfilo posted:

Use your free hand to shove your breasts up high enough the glass tips into your mouth? Use your tongue like a proboscis to suck up the delicious fizzy nectar? Grip the glass with your teeth and tilt your head back? Shrug your shoulders lean back and use your own cleavage as a trench to funnel it into your mouth? Something classy like that

frankenfreak posted:

It's about a loss edit.

Paladinus posted:

Death of the author's baby.

Paladinus posted:

Death of the author's baby.

Paladinus posted:

Death of the author's baby.

Tasteful Dickpic posted:

How does loss keep getting funnier? How?!

Paladinus posted:

Death of the author's baby.

Tasteful Dickpic posted:

How does loss keep getting funnier? How?!

porfiria posted:

All Force powers have logical explanations congruent with causal physics.

Force Persuasion (A New Hope) Ben Kenobi uses subtle social engineering strategies (negging) on low self esteem stormtroopers.
Force Choke (A New Hope) Vader knows Admiral Motti has a severe peanut allergy and lines his gloves with peanut shavings.
Force Leap (Empire Strikes Back) Lando's nephews were playing on a trampoline inside the Carbonite chamber moments before Luke and Vader arrived.
Force Telekensis (Empire Strikes Back) Vader coerced Lando into installing tiny anti-gravity units in various boxes and crates by threatening to take away his nephews' trampoline.
Force Lightning (Return of the Jedi) Collective delusion akin to Christian Pentacostal speaking in tongues, etc. An "objective" view of the scene would have shown Luke writhing in pain for no reason and the Emperor going "Vvvvvvvvvvvv" with his lips.

Tumble posted:

Dogs: good with people, bad with explosives.

Somfin posted:

This phrase appears on my family crest

Karate Bastard posted:

Screaming Idiot posted:

Say what you like, at least she brought enough gum for the whole class.

mind the walrus posted:

This is mean, but a good punchline is a good punchline:

MJP posted:

The singular second an employee threatens violence, you immediately go to HR and use the phrase "so-and-so has threatened violence. He said X, it was Y PM, in the Z Room. Jane Doe and John Smith were there and can corroborate."

John Smith posted:

gently caress you, leave me out of it. This guy sounds crazy.

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

Skylark posted:

gbs posts of this style are still being made 😍

Skylark posted:

My dude nailed it lol he got em in case theres any survivors after the first post

yeah actually they will posted:

Even after lurking 4chan, the front page of the internet, for months, I still don't know what "soyboy" is. But if I had to guess, and as it unfortunately turns out, I apparently do,

Skylark posted:

Im in Target huddled up with the other Target shoppers, all terrified that a mildly out-of-touch aging gbs guy will point to the store we're in, identifying it as a place where the newest buzzword for young people shop, all gasping every time his arm moves in our direction and he might be about to point at Target

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

I always wondered what the Punisher skull logo would look like if someone did a forensic facial reconstruction on it and now I know

Mister Kingdom posted:

I was just reading where the results of Dolores O'Riordan's autopsy will not be known until April. Why would it take so long?

Crankit posted:

They have to wait a while to be sure she's not a zombie zombie zombie.

Just kidding haha, I'll call them up and ask if they have to let her linger.

The General posted:

Do not go through peoples files if it's not relevant to the task at hand. In highschool, a teacher brought his computer down to the techlab because something was all fuckered up. So I decided to do some file wandering because "Why not?"

Turns out he had a hefty stash of grandma porn

cda posted:

I came to where you work to slap the dick out of your mouth but they said they let you go because you were costing too much in overtime.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Screaming Idiot posted:

First of all, I'm just happy to see a school teacher who isn't a kidtoucher. Secondly, if he's a history teacher, he's just boning up on his Benjamin Franklin material.

DACK FAYDEN posted:

Split Pea Superman posted:

While our brave antifa high-priests are able to completely purge initiates of all un-virtue, frequently our white male allies carry with them so many grave sins against the working class that during the purification ritual the molted accumulation is actually able to congeal into a corporeal form, escape, and begin roaming the blighted plains of fly-over country in search of a new host.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Babies Getting Rabies posted:

I mean, it wouldn’t be much of a stretch (obviously )

https://mobile.twitter.com/gayh0rney/status/951338358864715776/video/1

e: this auto-embeds even as a link, so don't click on it at work

Gay Horney posted:

I just want everyone to know that this is not my Twitter

Krispy Wafer posted:

Not really on topic, but when I worked at AT&T we had a guy get caught with bestiality porn on his work laptop. He was an incredibly good employee so management tried to save him, but it was just too loathsome of an offense. The problem is, he has a very unique first name. Like I have never heard of anyone with that same name. So 10 years later I'm at a different company with co-workers I followed from AT&T and someone says, "hey, did you hear [insert unique name] got hired?" And the immediate response is, "the bestiality guy?" That poo poo never leaves you. At least start going by your middle name.

Data Graham posted:

"Inept"?

DontMockMySmock posted:

[I'm sorry I have no video editing or voice acting skills to make the following script into a reality.]

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: Well, Pannenkoek, I made it, despite your directions.

Pannenkoek: Ah, TJ "Henry" Yoshi, if that is your real name. I hope you're ready for an unforgettable Watch for Rolling Rocks.

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: Eh.

[Pannenkoek enters Hazy Maze Cave and sees that he has to press A]

Pannenkoek: Ye gods, my low-A-press run is ruined! Hmm. . . But what if I were to hold A from a previous level? Ho ho ho ho! Delightfully devilish, Pannenkoek! *begins to press A*

[TJ "Henry" Yoshi enters]

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: Ah. . .

[Musical number]
Pannenkoek with his crazy explanations. TJ "Henry" is gonna need his medication, when he hears Pannenkoek's crazy explanations. There'll be trouble in SM64 tonight!
TJ "Henry" Yoshi: PANNENKOEK!!!

Pannenkoek: TJ "Henry" Yoshi! I was just transporting this scuttlebug! Every time it hits you its home resets to a new location! Care to join me?

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: Why are you pressing A, Pannenkoek?

Pannenkoek: Oh! That's not an A press! Those are B presses! Mmmm, B presses!

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: Eh. [Exits.]

Pannenkoek: Phew. [builds up speed for 9 hours]

[Pannenkoek enters the dining room]

Pannenkoek: TJ "Henry" Yoshi. I hope you're ready for holding down the A button!

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: I thought you said you were going to press the B button.

Pannenkoek: No I said "half A press." That's what I call holding the A button down from a previous level.

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: An A press is an A press. You can't say it's only half.

Pannenkoek: Yes I can. An A press has three parts.

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: Uh huh. What parts?

Pannenkoek: Pressing the button, holding it down, and releasing it.

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: Really. Well I've speedran any% SM64 and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "half A press."

Pannenkoek: Oh, not in an any% run, no. It's a low-A-press run expression.

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: I see.

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: You know, you'd still have to press A at some point in order to be holding A during Watch for Rolling Rocks, so that'd count as an A press.

Pannenkoek: Oh ho ho ho, no. You can hold A from a previous A press that you used for a different level. Old Pannenkoek strat.

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: For a "half A press."

Pannenkoek: Yes.

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: And you call it that despite the fact that you have obviously fully pressed A.

Pannenkoek: Well. . . you know. . . One thing I should-. . . excuse me for one second.

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: Of course.

[Pannenkoek uses his built up speed to zoom around Hazy Maze Cave]

Pannenkoek: [yawns] Ah, well, got the star. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: Yes, I should- Good lord, what is happening in there!?

Pannenkoek: Parallel universes.

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: Eh!? Parallel universes!? In this game? In this part of the castle? Almost twenty years after SM64's release? Localized entirely within Hazy Maze Cave?

Pannenkoek: Yes.

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: May I see them?

Pannenkoek: That would crash the game.

[TJ "Henry" Yoshi exits]

Pannenkoek's mother: [yelling from upstairs] Pannenkoek! I'm trapped in a parallel universe!

Pannenkoek: [calling up to his mother] No, mother! You just have to be QPU-aligned!

TJ "Henry" Yoshi: Well, Pannenkoek, you are an odd fellow, but I must say. . . you half-press a good A button.

Pannenkoek's mother: Help! Help!

[Pannenkoek smiles and gives a thumbs up]

Karate Bastard posted:

Breetai posted:

My shame at getting it is fighting my delight at getting it and winning.