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sephiRoth IRA
Jun 13, 2007

"Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

lemon-lyme disease posted:

Look, the dude called already called them buttheads. What more do you want?

Scorched earth. :colbert:

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ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug
Maybe they should put a fainting couch in the room with their TV.

Cactus Ghost
Dec 20, 2003

you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

Barudak posted:

I am extremely aroused by women who are solidly built, have years of history, and possess strong senses of morality and justice which is why I am no longer allowed to visit the statue of liberty.

lmao

burial
Sep 13, 2002

actually, that won't be necessary.

areyoucontagious posted:

Scorched earth. :colbert:

In what world is calling someone a butthead not, if anything, beyond scorched earth? There are some words you can’t take back.

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised.

lemon-lyme disease posted:

In what world is calling someone a butthead not, if anything, beyond scorched earth? There are some words you can’t take back.

Settle down, Beavis.

burial
Sep 13, 2002

actually, that won't be necessary.

Inescapable Duck posted:

Settle down, Beavis.

This is why we rescinded your standing invitation to Tuesday brunch.

e: content.

I think my (31) daughter (5) is being scammed at school.

quote:

u/jayvay2
I know this is very random and that she is very little, but she has been taking coins that she finds around the house to school to give this other kindergartener girl as the girl “sells” her invisible unicorns.

So I don’t know if the other girl actually believes she is selling unicorns or not but I tried explaining to my daughter that she can’t bring money to school and she is devastated because she won’t be able to buy any more unicorns. Apparently other kids are also buying unicorns from This other girl.

I don’t know what else to do.

TL;DR: My 5 year old daughter buys invisible unicorns at school and is very sad because I’m prohibiting her from bringing money to school.

I want to see the post by the proud parent of the budding entrepreneur.

burial fucked around with this message at 09:27 on Feb 7, 2018

Cactus Ghost
Dec 20, 2003

you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

Pvt.Scott posted:

Searching for “Prius” turned up a solid sitcom plot.

My girlfriend (25F) wrongly thinks that I (26M) am a marine biologist, and I don’t know how to fix it.

god drat, if she already has trust issues this is going to annihilate her

i think the only way this doesn’t explode is if the dude just pretends he doesn’t like her and breaks it off like “yeah i’ve had a great time but i don’t see this lasting long-term” which would be... if not explicitly honest, still the truth

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised.

lemon-lyme disease posted:

This is why we rescinded your standing invitation to Tuesday brunch.

e: content.

I think my (31) daughter (5) is being scammed at school.


I want to see the post by the proud parent of the budding entrepreneur.

I'm pretty sure this is how religions get started.

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


A commenter under one of that sociopath boyfriend threads:

quote:

This (antisocial personality disorder/sociopathy/etc) is actually something that has interested me quite a bit since I divorced my ex - he was diagnosed, but his family didn't share this fact with me until post-divorce (on some level they hoped I was his final chance at turning his life around. Unlike OPs ex, mine is both not a fundamentally good person and not able to be a functioning member of society - to the point where he is in prison until about 2022 I think)

When they finally did tell me, it was with little details like how he used to make up such extreme, violent stories that directly involved all of the family, was not physically kind to animals - I don't know to what degree, but I know I had to personally shut poo poo down when he was way too rough with my cat, plus more. Basically, each individual detail could be explained off as a poorly adjusted person, but when laid out next to each other, they showed an unnerving pattern. They were a family that didn't believe in therapy, unless it was religion based, so he didn't get an official diagnosis until after he'd committed his first sexual assault.

quote:

Basically. It was a combination of concealing things, and perfect timing, and very low self esteem - I met him after the assault happened, but before sentencing. By the time everything was done, I was emotionally invested, felt obligated to stay, and wasn't sure of the truth (he claimed statutory, which this was, but his version was not a rape, just a relationship, and literally no one in his family would elaborate, and our friends group didn't know either. It was reported a few years after the incident. He was also a very good bullshitter in the beginning (this lessened over time as he got lazy) and had me thinking many things that weren't true about his family, while I'm sure he had them going with some fake stories about me, so they didn't trust me enough to let me in.

Ultimately the only person in his family I can blame is his dad, after thinking about it a long time. He was the one who turned the official blind eye on mental health care, and also claimed my ex was his responsibility. Plus, I think he also resented that we lived together before marriage and was passive aggressive about it. My ex's siblings though, they had been hurt by my ex many times (one of his brothers lost almost 100k to business equipment damage and legal costs because of my ex), so I'm sure they never knew if I was someone they could open up to. This is going to sound egotistical, but I only mean it in reference to my temperament - they were confused that someone like him would be with someone with my kind of personality without causing me to walk away, that they were suspicious.

Yeah, his dad is definitely the source of the toxic situation here.

Thanks, I'm much happier now. Him getting locked up definitely helped too.

Theotus
Nov 8, 2014

I'm like two months late, but I advocate for the $600 cat bill guy.

Serephina
Nov 8, 2005

恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー
This man is my hero:

My (20/F) boyfriend (20/M) of 1 year has a goal to do something silly every month. For February he's not having sex for the whole month - I hate it already, and he doesn't want to stop because he's committed to finishing his goal.Relationships

quote:

Edit: Wow this got a lot more attention than I expected. I'm very surprised to hear how interested people are about my boyfriend's monthly goals so I've put in a few more. There are a few things I've seen below that I wanted to address.
  1. A few people said he was withholding affection from me and that's not the case. We still kiss, cuddle, hug, etc every day and the only thing missing has been sex.

  2. About the "make me orgasm every day" in January thing. He never pressured me. I happily let him pleasure me every day, and if I didn't want it he was okay with that because my well-being is more important to him than missing a day from his goal.

  3. I'm not 100% sure why he does these things every month. I think it just became a habit for him in high school when he started, and it's followed him into university. Although most of his goals are silly he takes them very seriously and has only failed a few times before.

  4. I don't in any way think he owes me sex, but after doing it 1-2x a day and suddenly stopping for a month it's made me sexually frustrated, coupled with the fact that I don't really like masturbating makes it worse. My begging doesn't put any pressure on him, and it's very playful.

Hey Reddit! I could use some advice on an issue I'm having with my boyfriend.

When we started dating I learned that my boyfriend likes to do something silly each month. He's been doing this since he was 16, so it's deeply ingrained into his lifestyle, and I've always supported him on this because most of his monthly goals are quite silly and harmless. Here are some of the ones he's done since we've been together:
  • January 2017: His goal was to date someone for a month (that was me)

  • February 2017: He wrote daily journal entries.

  • March 2017: He didn't masturbate for the whole month.

  • April 2017: He attempted to masturbate daily to a blank wall (And yes he failed this one!)

  • May 2017: He flossed his teeth every day.

  • June 2017: The only liquid he drank was orange juice.

  • July 2017: The only liquid he drank was water.

  • August 2017: He didn't swear for the whole month! (But he practiced before the month started so I'm not sure if it counts)

  • November 2017: He wrote a short story each day.

  • December 2017: He wrote me little love letters every day.

  • January 2018: He made me orgasm every day (Yay).

Like I said, I've never had an issue with him doing his goals until now, because his new goal for February is to not have sex for a month. It's been 6 days and I hate it already. We used to have sex 1-2 times a day, and obviously it's dropped to zero now. I've been begging to have sex with him every day, but he keeps telling me he doesn't want to stop his goal, and I should just masturbate instead. I don't even like masturbating though. I get all my sexual pleasure from my boyfriend and I've been so freaking sexually frustrated this month.

What am I supposed to do? Do I just have to suck it up until the month ends before we can have sex again?

tl;dr: My boyfriend has a goal to do something silly every month, like only drinking orange juice in June, or not masturbating for all of March, etc. For February, his goal is to not have sex for the whole month. I hate it already, it's making me sexually frustrated, and he doesn't want to stop.

Serephina fucked around with this message at 10:20 on Feb 7, 2018

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised.
That's... interesting timing given Valentine's Day and all.

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


She should make February an open relationship month.

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


lemon-lyme disease posted:

I think my (31) daughter (5) is being scammed at school.


I want to see the post by the proud parent of the budding entrepreneur.
Please invest in Unicoin®.

Heavy neutrino
Sep 16, 2007

You made a fine post for yourself. ...For a casualry, I suppose.
Today in Problems that Solve Themselves:

How do I [15M] get my parents to stop talking to me as doctors?

quote:

I'm in a frustrating situation right now when it comes to my health. I had some health problems in my neck that are a lot worse than what the doctor originally thought. It's not going to leave me Wheelchair bound, but it's going to take a while for it to heal.

Both my parents are doctors. My Mom works in a children's hospital. My Dad works at another hospital mainly removing organs from cancer patients and whatever. My family is a family of doctors and scientists so it's not only them. My grandparents are astronomers.

My parents, mainly my mom, talks to me like doctor when it comes to my neck. I want to do all the stuff I use to be able to do. I want to be able to play Softball, Basketball, Football again. I want to be able to go swimming without them watching my like a hawk in our pool. I want them to stop talking to me about my neck like I'm at the doctors office. I can never get a strait answer, and it's always well let me tell you exactly what's wrong with your neck using all these big doctor words.

I'm frustrated. I hate that my neck is hosed. I hate doctors telling me I can't do things. I can't even jump on the trampoline without fear of damaging it further. It's like they want me in a padded room. I don't my parents talking to me like doctors all the time about my neck. I don't even know where the part of neck is that they say is a problem. They're going to be home from work later on and would like a way to handle this.

I feel for the parents; if their idiot jock kid doesn't run off to play football and wind up in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, he'll later turn up in a frat and kill himself doing drunken parkour around campus.

My bet: the parents are constantly reminding their moronic son that he's in serious danger and watching him like a hawk because they're fully aware that he spends every waking moment plotting some way to sneak off and play some sportsball.

Heavy neutrino fucked around with this message at 11:01 on Feb 7, 2018

Streak
May 16, 2004

by Nyc_Tattoo
What the gently caress does that kid even want

Bored
Jul 26, 2007

Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

Heavy neutrino posted:

Today in Problems that Solve Themselves:

How do I [15M] get my parents to stop talking to me as doctors?


I feel for the parents; if their idiot jock kid doesn't run off to play football and wind up in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, he'll later turn up in a frat and kill himself doing drunken parkour around campus.

I also grew up in a medical family. He should understand all those "big doctor words".

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


Why can't my dumb doctor parents just leave me alone and why can't my stupid hosed up neck just be like before OMG? Also I'm a retarded teenager and my dad is removing organs from cancer patients and whatever.

RNG
Jul 9, 2009

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Introducing my [18F] new online boyfriend [29M] to my very protective Asian parents.

Hey guys! I've been talking to this guy for a couple of weeks I met on Reddit. He's honestly the sweetest, smartest, most attractive guy to me (hey u/beachsidebotany
) and we have a lot of uncanny similarities and life struggles. We talk on Snapchat, call each other, and I recently opened a new Facebook to connect with him.

TL;DR: My new online boyfriend is the sweetest guy, but I don't think my parents would approve of him due to his former drug addiction, way we met, and his overall image.

edit:

this is why you use a throwaway:



From pages ago, but looking at that dude's post history, he may not, in fact, be the sweetest guy.

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

Otto Von Jizzmark posted:

Employee is a moron. Seriously put in your request well in advance if you expect the time off. Its not like a graduation comes on suddenly those things are scheduled well in advance.

Halser
Aug 24, 2016

lemon-lyme disease posted:

This is why we rescinded your standing invitation to Tuesday brunch.

e: content.

I think my (31) daughter (5) is being scammed at school.


I want to see the post by the proud parent of the budding entrepreneur.

"Sell me this invisible unicorn."

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004

коммунизм хранится в яичках

Do you routinely put in requests off for days your employer isn't open?

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

I'm being facetious to be sure, and that manager isn't fit to be a manager, buuuuuuuut if something is important book it off.

The pure incompetence of the manager, your job is literally to make your workers happy, organized, and facilitated; humans need life between work.

Absurd Alhazred
Mar 27, 2010

by Athanatos

Streak posted:

What the gently caress does that kid even want

"Tell me I'm okay, parents!"

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

Liquid Communism posted:

Do you routinely put in requests off for days your employer isn't open?
Awkward sentence. Ten points from Gryffindor.

Cactus Ghost
Dec 20, 2003

you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

numberoneposter posted:

Awkward sentence. Ten points from Gryffindor.

he’s right though, you’re being stupid

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

I only quoted someone else. I give up. That story is super depressing and reeks of the lovely bullying power tripping manager who just wants to feel important by bossing people around.

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 3 hours!

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Jeffnote: you may want to bite down on a sponge or something before you start reading this

It's like standing in the eye, and its calm, and quiet, and all I see is him. me 21, two hims: 29 and 23

this woman is incredibly pompous and melodramatic about how she wants to cheat on her boyfriend

I saw an unironic Hamilton reference in the subject line and I knew what I was in for

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 3 hours!

numberoneposter posted:

That story is super depressing and reeks of the lovely bullying power tripping manager who just wants to feel important by bossing people around.

Earnestly believing that your lovely store or whatever it was is more important than someone's college graduation is a symptom of being a store manager for too long I think

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


Just lol if you're a manager who jusssst neeeeds to contact an ex-employee to tell her off while being delusional that it's only because you care deeply for her future and not because it's a kindergarten attempt at recovering your fragile self-esteem after her resignation undermined it and revealed what you could never admit to yourself - that you're really bad at your job.

It's actually a shame he was given proper advice because if my boss called me out of nowhere long after I left the company in those circumstances then I'd laugh into the phone until he disconnected. That would be the icing on the cake.

DeathSandwich
Apr 24, 2008

I fucking hate puzzles.

Pvt.Scott posted:

Search word was “korn”

This woman knows the value of choosing your words carefully.

Plenty of crazy in there, but I bolded the climax.

[F/19] What do you think about this situation? What the heck would you do if you were me?


The sole reply?

/r/relationships: I put on my best pair of fishnet stockings, wore an exceptional amount of black makeup.

Megillah Gorilla
Sep 22, 2003

If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.



Bread Liar

Palpek posted:

Just lol if you're a manager who jusssst neeeeds to contact an ex-employee to tell her off while being delusional that it's only because you care deeply for her future and not because it's a kindergarten attempt at recovering your fragile self-esteem after her resignation undermined it and revealed what you could never admit to yourself - that you're really bad at your job.

It's actually a shame he was given proper advice because if my boss called me out of nowhere long after I left the company in those circumstances then I'd laugh into the phone until he disconnected. That would be the icing on the cake.

I'd call the company's HR department and tell them just what I thought of being tracked down and verbally abused by the person who forced me to quit my job over his petty power tripping.

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


loquacius posted:

Earnestly believing that your lovely store or whatever it was is more important than someone's college graduation is a symptom of being a store manager for too long I think
From my experience managers who do this simply don't have anything in their life except for work and then see their miserable existence as the only correct one. It helps that blatant workaholism is still broadly viewed as 'amazing work ethic' and not a sign of mental problems.

Vargatron
Apr 19, 2008

MRAZZLE DAZZLE


Palpek posted:

From my experience managers who do this simply don't have anything in their life except for work and then see their miserable existence as the only correct one. It helps that blatant workaholism is still broadly viewed as 'amazing work ethic' and not a sign of mental problems.

The other side of that coin is "if you have to work 80 hours to do a 40 hour a week job, you're either bad at the job or the job is too much for one person".

big trivia FAIL
May 9, 2003

"Jorge wants to be hardcore,
but his mom won't let him"

loquacius posted:

Earnestly believing that your lovely store or whatever it was is more important than someone's college graduation is a symptom of being a store manager for too long I think

when i was in my senior year of college one of the managers at the office depot i worked at told me i needed to look at my priorities because office depot had a lot to offer a young man who showed some dedication to the company and that having to cut my hours some to accommodate the effort of my capstone classes was probably "not in my best interests" for a future with the company

Vargatron
Apr 19, 2008

MRAZZLE DAZZLE


big trivia FAIL posted:

when i was in my senior year of college one of the managers at the office depot i worked at told me i needed to look at my priorities because office depot had a lot to offer a young man who showed some dedication to the company and that having to cut my hours some to accommodate the effort of my capstone classes was probably "not in my best interests" for a future with the company

:thunk:

Yes, mortgage your future for the opportunity to be a wage slave at Office Depot.

therobit
Aug 19, 2008

I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Heavy neutrino posted:

Today in Problems that Solve Themselves:

How do I [15M] get my parents to stop talking to me as doctors?


I feel for the parents; if their idiot jock kid doesn't run off to play football and wind up in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, he'll later turn up in a frat and kill himself doing drunken parkour around campus.

My bet: the parents are constantly reminding their moronic son that he's in serious danger and watching him like a hawk because they're fully aware that he spends every waking moment plotting some way to sneak off and play some sportsball.

That poor kid. He feels like he is being denied a normal childhood, because he is. I can't say how overt protective his parents are being (probably a lot ) and they absolutely should be keeping him of the trampoline, etc, but I am gonna guess that the could do a better job of commiserating worth him and showing some empathy for him. If they are talking to him like doctors then or sounds like they aren't talking to him like parents.

My mom was first an ICU and then a pediatric nurse and this limited our options for fun growing up. Other kids I knew got to ride dirtbikes and poo poo and I wasn't even allowed to play football. Any time she didn't want is to do something she was concerned about, it came with a graphic medical description of some kiss she had taken care of.

therobit
Aug 19, 2008

I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

big trivia FAIL posted:

when i was in my senior year of college one of the managers at the office depot i worked at told me i needed to look at my priorities because office depot had a lot to offer a young man who showed some dedication to the company and that having to cut my hours some to accommodate the effort of my capstone classes was probably "not in my best interests" for a future with the company

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Holy poo poo.

hawowanlawow
Jul 27, 2009

yeah corporate culture is all about showing dedication and putting in hours, then you show up to their career training class and it's all about getting your own schooling and making your own opportunities

they manipulate you into working like a dog with the promise of promotion, but make no effort to scout internally or train their people

the HR people say all of this with a straight face, then cruise home in their mercs

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loquacius
Oct 21, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 3 hours!
The American retail sector desperately needs to unionize, because retail workers are paid and treated like absolute garbage but it's one of the only places you can get a job without a degree these days

The last time in history that the country's largest employer of unskilled labor was insufficient to support a family on, we had a long, bloody labor-rights war. I'd say we're overdue.

sorry I'll take it back to C-SPAM now

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