/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

My [15M] brother [20M] is destroying property, yelling all the time, and might get us evicted, and is threatening to commit suicide if my mom [37F] kicks him out

quote:

Hey guys, I have never posted here but it's my last resort because I don't have any family willing to help. I'm looking for a solution for my brother and I'm clueless on what to do. This may be sloppy because I'm in a stir of emotions but please bear with me. Here's the background story: My brother (we'll call him Mike) was kicked out of our house when he was 19 because he was destroying our property, threatening my mom with physical violence, and bringing drugs in the house. My mom is a single parent so this makes everything more difficult, because no one is able to stop him while he is having episodes of rage. My grandma was the one to act up because we were living in a home that she owns, but she lives somewhere else. My mom and I were relieved that he was gone but also worried because we didn't know what was wrong with him. My mom scheduled appointments with a specialist or something, and they said that Mike is bipolar. Summer started when Mike left. At the end of the summer Mike got kicked out of where my grandma stays and the only place he could go is at our house (technically my grandmas second house). So my mom laid down some rules but they didn't help. The first day he came back he threw a container of airsoft pellets at my mom and tore off a cupboard. He is very invasive and will not leave you alone until the problem is resolved, even before work, school, a meeting, etc. In the morning time we have to walk on eggshells so he won't wake up and make my mom late. Now that this is all covered I'll move on to the situation at hand. We just moved out into an apartment because my grandma sold the house we were living in. Last night was my first time spending the night, and I was worried things might happen in the morning. Well they did. Mike started yelling "gently caress you mom all you are is a big source of evil and you have no friends and your a bitch" which my mom replies "you need to get out now, we have neighbors above us and we can get kicked out any moment" Mike says "no, as long as I pay the rent, I can stay here whenever I want". Mike will never listen to my mom and she will have to call her ex-boyfriend (Steve) to kick him out of the house when poo poo reeaally falls off the deep end. Continuing this morning he breaks into my moms room saying "you and flaptabs make me want to kill my self!" My mom says "I'm here for you whenever you need, I'll call you while I'm at work or I can take you to Steve's if you would like. If you go to work maybe it will take your mind off things." Mike says "both of you guys loving hate me and maybe I will kill my self by the end of the day". Mike has said this countless times before and he tries to control us with the threat of suicide. I know he is bipolar and I'm not trying to be insensitive and please tell me if I am, but he's been doing this since he was 17. My mom is trying to get him to move to a friends house but she will not kick him out because she is too scared he will kill himself. There will be updates because I know this is really sloppy formation and I'm not very good at righting. Any replies are very thanked and thank you guys for reading.

TL;DR: Figured out brother was bipolar, and is continuing to use suicide as a threat to keep living in a place for free while he abuses my mom and destroys property.

Update 1: to clarify, Mike didn't sign anything for the apartment and he's living here on my moms terms.

Update 2: thanks a lot for all the responses I was expecting only a few.

Update 3: If I talk to the counselors or cops I might have to move in with my dad and be presented with the same situation. I'm kind of stuck and uneducated with laws and custody and it would be great if someone could inform me.

In this case I think :murder:

is just preemptive caution.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 17:52

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 11:59

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

Theophany posted:

Nope. Lawyer up and tell her to FRO.

Though I'm guessing it's some power fantasy troll.

e: Search term 'Dakimakura'

My [20M] sister [14F] has turned into a full blown weeaboo while I was at college

She'll grow out of it. We hope.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 17:56

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

chitoryu12 posted:

My [15M] brother [20M] is destroying property, yelling all the time, and might get us evicted, and is threatening to commit suicide if my mom [37F] kicks him out

In this case I think is just preemptive caution.

I assume he's unmedicated bipolar which is a whole lot of not fun.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 17:56

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; Can't post for 47 minutes!

I wouldn't bet on it, those are pretty formative years. She'll end up in anime clubs where she'll be one of two or three girls and practicaly worshipped, which will be pretty addictive. It's gonna be all positive reinforcement.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:03

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT posted:

It's really sad and depressing the number of people who believe that a contract is all-powerful and can just strip their rights away with a single signature. That's not how the law works! (Except de facto it is in so many cases because the person being screwed doesn't know any better).

fun contract law fact: a component of any valid contract are consideration

consideration basically means "did both sides get something out of this".

for example, a prenup that agrees to grant the wife the house and cars plus a set lump sum etc if the husband can keep his 401k and not have to pay alimony could probably hold up. The wife gets enough money to go back to school and maintain her lifestyle, the husband is secure he can retire on time, everyone benefits

a prenup that says "lol u get nothing" won't fly since there is no consideration

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:04

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Well, she�d still get access to his crooked little wiener. There�s your benefit right there :smug:

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:06

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

Al Borland Corp. posted:

I wouldn't bet on it, those are pretty formative years. She'll end up in anime clubs where she'll be one of two or three girls and practicaly worshipped, which will be pretty addictive. It's gonna be all positive reinforcement.

Ah yes, she'll have the pick of the anime litter. Soon, she'll be reading yaoi and drawing terrible fan art.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:06

Coohoolin: Aug 5, 2012; Oor Coohoolie.

Meme Emulator posted:

Why do you have a favorite mandolinist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3lH_Tevw5o

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:18

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

Coohoolin posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3lH_Tevw5o

He has it strung upside down.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:22

Coohoolin: Aug 5, 2012; Oor Coohoolie.

Vargatron posted:

He has it strung upside down.

Just in case you're making a joke, they're strung GDAE like violins.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:29

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

One would think a having a troublesome brokebrain around that keeps threatening suicide is a problem that can sort itself out with just the slightest nudge

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:40

Rubellavator: Aug 16, 2007

Send the younger brother to live with grandma at least.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:43

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Coohoolin posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3lH_Tevw5o

How do you even slice or cut juliennes with that?

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:45

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

This one makes me mad on behalf of the OP.

My [F17] boyfriend [M18] accidentally stealthed me?

quote:

So- Valentine�s Day for me started out magical, but now I�m so shocked and frustrated I don�t know what to do.

As a premise, we�ve been together for just over a year. My boyfriend planned a lovely evening out for the two of us, and afterwards we went back to his and ended up having sex. I saw him get out the condom and put it on the bed, before going to the bathroom. When he came back, we were under the duvet (his room is like a hollow ice cube at night) and were fumbling around in the dark.

It�s important to note that we never have unprotected sex. The last few times we�ve been intimate he has asked to confirm whether I want to use them or not, to which my answer has been a definite yes. I�m on the pill, but health issues I�m dealing with may limit how effective is- he knows this.

But last night, there we were having a grand old time, until he finishes and makes a joke about finishing inside me. I suddenly realised what has happened, was horrified and felt genuinely violated, and he didn�t even realise that anything was wrong.

Apparently what had happened was that he had come back from the bathroom, gotten into bed with me, and hadn�t put the condom on yet when I had started to make a move. To him, that signalled that I didn�t want to use one.

I�m still just shocked right now, and would appreciate some advice on what to do next and how to move on from this

TL;DR - Boyfriend assumed condom was unnecessary, didn�t explicitly ask for my consent, and I don�t know how to proceed

Oh and the dude gets even seedier in the comments.

quote:

Thank you for your response, I agree with so much of what you said... Asking about not using a condom when it�s been such a hard and well-established boundary between us has also been an issue on my mind. Why would he not even question such a complete turnaround?

After I made it very clear afterwards how appalled and upset I was he did seem genuinely remorseful. He has been very upset and apologetic since, even offering to drive me to a pharmacy for the morning after pill if I wanted it. I just don�t know how far I can trust him again after this

What a modern day Lancelot. It escalates further

quote:

Right when we first started dating, I started going down on him, and without question or warning he pulls out his phone and starts trying to take pictures. Taking pictures was something we�d discussed once over text, but I definitely had not told him it was acceptable in that moment. I quickly told him that I was not okay with it, and to his credit he was mortified afterwards and apologised profusely. After that, he demonstrated that he was genuinely respectful of my boundaries though, always stopping if I needed to and so on. But that incident has stuck with me

Luckily she�s listening to reddit and seems ready to break up with him.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:46

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

LadyPictureShow posted:

This one makes me mad on behalf of the OP.

My [F17] boyfriend [M18] accidentally stealthed me?

Oh and the dude gets even seedier in the comments.

What a modern day Lancelot. It escalates further

Luckily she�s listening to reddit and seems ready to break up with him.

quote:

:
Right when we first started dating, I started going down on him, and without question or warning he pulls out his phone and starts trying to take pictures. Taking pictures was something we�d discussed once over text, but I definitely had not told him it was acceptable in that moment. I quickly told him that I was not okay with it, and to his credit he was mortified afterwards and apologised profusely. After that, he demonstrated that he was genuinely respectful of my boundaries though, always stopping if I needed to and so on. But that incident has stuck with me

The kids aren't alright.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:47

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

loquacius posted:

Yeah I'd just refuse to leave and play video games really loud while they're eating (yell at children on XBox Live for playing Overwatch wrong maybe)

I'd drink and play Blackwake and yell pirate speak into the mic all night

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:49

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My wife (29f) left me (33m) and our family (9f) (4m) 3 weeks ago for a new man (?m)who she met doing drugs. He died after being hit by a car today and she wants back.

My wife (29f) left me (33m) our daughter (9f) and son (4m) for a man she met at a party and began a cocaine binge that eventually turned into her abandoning us.

We live in a small community and today there was a truck that went out of control and hit some pedestrians one being her new bf. He died from the impact of the accident, I honesty think it's hilarious and the greatest karma ever. She's now begging to come back and I don't want her.

Is this wrong to think it's funny and good karma this man died and she's now begging for forgiveness?

TL;dr wife (29f) abandoned me (33m)and our kids (9f), (4m). Her new boyfriend died in an accident now she wants back

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:52

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Admiral Ray posted:

The kids aren't alright.

quote:

I really appreciate this comment. I�ve tried to talk about this with my mum, and although she understands why I�m upset, she�s been telling me that he may have just been careless and caught up in the moment.

Man, she can�t even go to her mom on this one.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:52

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

tactlessbastard posted:

I can't even imagine what possessed you to repeat that, even if it was true. How gauche.

i was having a couple beers at lunch

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:53

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

LadyPictureShow posted:

Man, she can�t even go to her mom on this one.

lol she might not even exist if her mom didn�t have terrible opinions about this

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:54

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

That's dumb as poo poo there's no way homie "just forgot."

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:55

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

Moridin920 posted:

That's dumb as poo poo there's no way homie "just forgot."

He isn't even pretending that he forgot, he's pretending he thought it was her valentine's day gift to him.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 18:59

Ocean Book: Sep 27, 2010; - hi

while the guy is dumb, i don't think offering to take her to get emergency contraception is egregious. that's absolutely the correct course of action to take at that point and he's offering to make it as hassle-free as possible.

Well actually, he could just go buy it.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 19:02

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Considering she mentions

quote:

The last few times we�ve been intimate he has asked to confirm whether I want to use them or not, to which my answer has been a definite yes

Yeah, he planned that poo poo.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 19:02

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; Can't post for 47 minutes!

He belongs in jail. Offering to go get the morning after pill though is the correct thing to do and the absolute least thing that could be done. It doesn't excuse anything though

# ? Feb 16, 2018 19:06

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Ocean Book posted:

while the guy is dumb, i don't think offering to take her to get emergency contraception is egregious. that's absolutely the correct course of action to take at that point and he's offering to make it as hassle-free as possible.

Well actually, he could just go buy it.

It's more that it seems like he planned it and figured getting Plan B would be his ticket to forgiveness.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 19:09

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Personally I find the REAL gems are in /r/legaladvice. Nothing more American that looking to sue to solve a minor interpersonal dispute.

Are my parents legally allowed to restrict my diet? [Washington]
(self.legaladvice)

quote:

I recently turned sixteen, and I live in the US, in Florida.

I am very overweight/obese. I have been since I was four or five, and I blame my parents. I know it isn't good for your health, but I don't care about it anymore and I do not have any plans of changing anything, and I don't personally think it is possible for me. I do not care to have a conversation about it.

In the last year or so my parents have both become guilty and ashamed of my weight, at least in a level were they need to tell me about it. They offered me gym memberships and various other things I didn't have interest in. They got me a bike, didn't touch it. As a kid they fed me very poorly (all microwave, soda and takeout despite us being middle/upper-middle class, 80-90k per year with 1 child) and took very little interest in my life for career reasons, and it's clear that they are trying to fix that now and have a relationship with me, but I don't care. I don't think they are evil, but I do resent them and do not want much of a relationship going forward. Both are skinny and healthy themselves and they clearly don't want a fat son.

Currently they have decided to become strict, and the day after my 16th birthday they told me my food will be "restricted", "for my own good." They have quite literally bought a lock for the refrigerator/cupboard. They do not keep food in the kitchen. I freely admit that I before this happened ate a LOT of food per day, to the point where most would consider it gluttony. I do not deny that. Both are obsessed with calories, and my diet is restricted with calories and certian food items. I am only allowed 1 meat, 1 bread item per day, and everything else must fit within calories of 1500, which they measure. I do not know whether or not the amount they give me is accurate to this number. I am taller than most kids my age (6'1) and I do not know my weight but I am very very fat. I wear mostly 3XL shirts.

I feel physically terrible from this diet. I am constantly hungry, my stomach growls often and I sometimes feel dizzy. I cannot focus in class and I now spend all my time thinking about food. My parent's justification is that I can get a job if I want more, which they don't expect me to do. I had a small amount of saved money, which I've already all spent on my own food, and I've run out. My school does not offer free lunch or breakfast. This has been going for on almost a month and I have not lost any weight, but I feel terrible and hungry.

I understand my parents aren't required to buy me boatloads like before or cookies or anything, which is aggravating but completely understandable, but they have an obligation to give me enough so I'm not getting sick or hungry, correct? I don't know where to go with this.

Thanks. Have a good day.

Edit - I wasn't explaining this well.

In this chart, I'm saying that aren't I legally entitled to 3 instead of 2? I know I can't get 4, but aren't I supposed to get 3?

# ? Feb 16, 2018 19:12

value-brand cereal: May 2, 2008

Vargatron posted:

Ah yes, she'll have the pick of the anime litter. Soon, she'll be reading yaoi and drawing terrible fan art.

And she can look forward to being a gross 30 yo 'fandom mom ' who writes screeds about how it's fine to write explicit fanfics of 13 yo brothers with dog dicks boning each other.

Anime: not even once.

Al Borland Corp. posted:

He belongs in jail. Offering to go get the morning after pill though is the correct thing to do and the absolute least thing that could be done. It doesn't excuse anything though

Yeah I'm pretty sure this is rape by deception.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 19:14

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Fat kid is THE WORST but 1500 calories a day for a 6�1 teenager is almost certainly malnourishment

# ? Feb 16, 2018 19:16

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Caganer posted:

Personally I find the REAL gems are in /r/legaladvice. Nothing more American that looking to sue to solve a minor interpersonal dispute.

Are my parents legally allowed to restrict my diet? [Washington]
(self.legaladvice)

This motherfucker can't even use Shift+ Left Click to make perfectly straight lines in paint, they need the discipline that this endeavor will bring.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 19:17

JaneError: Feb 4, 2016; how would i even breathe on the moon?

I've gotten hooked on the WeddingBee "Waiting" boards via another forum I frequent.

quote:

Family vacation in Sept�won't take SO if we aren't engaged�

Hi Bees!

I posted a few months ago that I was officially waiting and I still think I am. The problem is I just don�t know how much longer I�m going to have to wait. SO�s home renovations are taking FOREVER and he isn�t going to propose until settled into that house. And I�ve already said I�m not moving in until we are engaged. So until those things happen, I feel like we are in limbo. I�m super anxious and ready. I�m not the type of person to have a walk date because I�m afraid I wouldn�t stick to it.

Here�s the thing, my family has rented a huge 7 bedroom house at the beach for a vacation in September. HUGE vacation. We did this a couple years ago and kids came with their SO�s and my SO�s parents even came. It was a great trip. However, if not engaged by September when the trip rolls around, I don�t know that I would want my SO and his parents coming on this trip. Two years ago people were questioning when we�d get engaged and so I know it would be even more pressure this year. I don�t really want to spend my vacation with my family judging me like I�m stupid for staying with someone who hasn�t proposed after five years.

If I weren�t anxious and ready to be engaged, I wouldn�t care what anyone thought. It�s that I AM ready and eager to get married, so people�s words affect me more easily because I don�t know what to say except��Yeah, I�m ready, too�but it�s not up to me.� I guess I came on here looking for support. I�m not saying I�d end my relationship at that point, but I do think I (and my SO) would have some things to think about if it comes to that. We�ve been together so long and while I understand him wanting to have certain things in place before popping the question, life will never be perfect. If you keep waiting for everything to make perfect sense and be this amazing moment, it will never happen. We are constantly growing and changing�and hopefully improving our lives daily. The expectations he has are daunting. I don�t want some huge fancy ring�I just want that commitment from him.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 19:18

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; Can't post for 47 minutes!

Caganer posted:

Personally I find the REAL gems are in /r/legaladvice. Nothing more American that looking to sue to solve a minor interpersonal dispute.

Are my parents legally allowed to restrict my diet? [Washington]
(self.legaladvice)

This may very well be abuse. They are giving him about 1800 calories a day, and bmr sound like it's probably close to 3800. They are shorting him 2000 calories a day.

Shorting 500 a day is a fairly healthy way to lose one pound a well. Shorting 1000 is more hardcore for about two pounds of loss a week,. Shorting 2000 is extreme and could be dangerous.

They are doing a good thing but doing it very wrongly. They need to consult a doctor.

He probably hasn't lost any weight because his body has coped by being less active and conserving energy

John Wick of Dogs fucked around with this message at 19:25 on Feb 16, 2018

# ? Feb 16, 2018 19:21

Skutter: Apr 8, 2007; Well you can fuck that sky high!

Caganer posted:

Personally I find the REAL gems are in /r/legaladvice. Nothing more American that looking to sue to solve a minor interpersonal dispute.

Are my parents legally allowed to restrict my diet? [Washington]
(self.legaladvice)

You were in legaladvice and didn't post this amazing thread?

[NY] Laws against autocannibalism?

quote:

I broke my leg the other day and in the course of surgery they took off about an inch and a half of bone. I have been able to snag the bone to take home. Leaving aside possible health issues associated with it, are there any laws that would prevent me from making a bone broth with my own shin?

Edit: To be clear, I do not work in hospital catering, I would never let anyone else eat it, and eating humans isn't something I am into. I just wanted my shin bone to have it, and once I got it, I thought about making soup of it but wasn't sure if it is illegal here.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 19:21

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; Can't post for 47 minutes!

value-brand cereal posted:

And she can look forward to being a gross 30 yo 'fandom mom ' who writes screeds about how it's fine to write explicit fanfics of 13 yo brothers with dog dicks boning each other.

Anime: not even once.

Yeah I'm pretty sure this is rape by deception.

It's exactly why Julian Assange is hiding in an Ecuadorian closet

# ? Feb 16, 2018 19:22

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

quote:

I don�t really want to spend my vacation with my family judging me like I�m stupid for staying with someone who hasn�t proposed after five years.

Well if there's a basis for a good long loving marriage it's deffo an ultimatum born out of feeling some social pressure to "move on" with your life.

Who gives a poo poo if you love each other this wouldn't even be an issue.

quote:

If I weren�t anxious and ready to be engaged, I wouldn�t care what anyone thought. It�s that I AM ready and eager to get married, so people�s words affect me more easily because I don�t know what to say except��Yeah, I�m ready, too�but it�s not up to me.�

boo hoo it's 2018 propose to him yourself

# ? Feb 16, 2018 19:22

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Al Borland Corp. posted:

This may very well be abuse. They are giving him about 1800 calories a day, and bmr sound like it's probably close to 3800. They are shorting him 2000 calories a day.

Shorting 500 a day is a fairly healthy way to lose one pound a well. Shorting 1000 is more hardcore for about two pounds of loss a week,. Shorting 2000 is extreme and could be dangerous.

They are doing a good thing but doing it very wrongly. They need to consult a doctor.

Yeah, they really should have consulted a dietitian, especially for a teenager that may still be growing up, if not out. This kid will resent the gently caress out of this experience and go back to a terrible diet as soon as they get a job that can sustain it.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 19:30

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Admiral Ray posted:

Yeah, they really should have consulted a dietitian, especially for a teenager that may still be growing up, if not out. This kid will resent the gently caress out of this experience and go back to a terrible diet as soon as they get a job that can sustain it.

He�s already bound and determined to stay fat purely out of spite.

# ? Feb 16, 2018 19:33