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Caganer
Feb 15, 2018

new phone who dis posted:

Just join the military and move away, dude. They'll take part of your pay and give it to her.

if you press charges for rape they won't take jack, they'll jail her and put the kids in foster care

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new phone who dis
May 24, 2007

by VideoGames
Morbid Hound
Ain't nobody going to jail for no condom poking.

Caganer
Feb 15, 2018

new phone who dis posted:

Ain't nobody going to jail for no condom poking.

not with this rape culture supporting attitude, no

StrangersInTheNight
Dec 31, 2007
ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

Lumberjack Bonanza posted:

The fact that you responded tells me you aren't done with this.

You've actually forced me to go to Reddit and find a post for the first time just to stop this loving derail jfc

i come this thread TO AVOID REDDIT but still get the juiciest morsels

I [30sFTM] am bitter and can't talk to my husband [30sM] of 5+ years about children

quote:

Dear r/relationships,

I’m sorry in advance for the wall of text. I feel a need to get a lot of this stuff of my chest, besides looking for advice, so I’m gonna go balls out on the background. Of course there’s a TL;DR at the bottom if you’re lazy. I’m trying my best to be a bit vague on the details, but feel free to ask for more info in the comments/in PM. Also, throwaway.

To start at the beginning, I’m a transsexual guy (FTM) in my thirties from Sweden. I transitioned 10+ years ago which means I’ve been forcibly sterilized by the government. As that law changed a few years later, the government has now agreed to a payout to avoid a lawsuit. This means I - and all the others affected - will get around $20.000 in damages. No excuse though.

When I was transitioning the sterilization bothered me, but not too much. There was a lot of other stuff going on that felt a lot more important at the time. I was not happy with it and it wasn’t a choice I would have made, but when they told me to either go through with this unnecessary surgery or not get any more treatment or legal help, I had to do it. It wasn’t a simple procedure and it involved a lot of legal crap - just google if you want the details of the process etc, it was pretty hosed up.

Moving on, I met DH during my transition and we’ve been together ever since (5+ years). I feel we have a healthy relationship where we communicate well and since we met during my transition we’ve always been able to discuss that part of my life without any awkwardness, which is awesome. We’re planning a lot for the future and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with him.

Now everyone around us is either pregnant, trying to get pregnant or already parents. Me and DH has talked about it, a long time ago, but it’s not easy to have kids as a gay couple. This wouldn’t have been an easy ride even if I was fertile, but then we could have made up our own minds instead of being stuck. I know multiple trans guys who’s gone through a pregnancy and now have beautiful, happy families.

I feel like I’m standing on the sidelines watching everyone else move on with their lives and I’m just stuck. When my best friend told me she’s pregnant I felt such a stab of anger, jealousy and pettiness I had to excuse myself and go cry in the bathroom. I want to be happy for her but I can’t help thinking about how unfair everything is. Here I am in a stable relationship and now I have to watch her become a single mother because of a FWB situation gone awry. I get frustrated and sad and I know it shows. This has led me to distance myself a bit from the new parents in our friend group, but that’s not a solution I’m comfortable with - if nothing else I love kids and want to be there for these children when they’re growing up.

Talking to my DH about this is really, really hard. It seems like he’s gotten over the discussions we had a year or two ago and accepted that our life won’t contain any kids. Instead he’s focusing more on his hobbies and talks about wanting to travel to Asia when we have more money. The other day he told me SIL is pregnant and then just returned to his gaming. I went to bed early and cried like a baby.

I wish we could talk more openly about this, as we talk about everything else, and that we could get on the same track. Most of all I’d want to join forces and try to find a way to build a family (surrogacy for example; hard but not impossible) but I’m not even sure he wants to any more. I’ve tried bringing it up, but I feel that he gets annoyed; it’s like he thinks we’ve now made other plans and should just stop thinking about it. I get so scared of hearing him say that he doesn’t want kids that I don’t dare to bring it up at all. This also gets worse because he would, of course, have to be the biological father of any kids we have. Without him there’s no chance at all.

Each time there’s a new pregnancy announcement I feel worse than the last time. Since I heard about SIL I can’t think of anything else. Future family dinners with her, BIL and their kids just seems like torture to me - just sitting there, watching them, and trying to keep the conversation going so MIL doesn’t make any comments about us being childless. I know she’ll be a great mother and really want her to succeed but all those dark feelings keep bubbling around inside.

So there it is, reddit. As I said it’s a complicated mess and I really don’t know what to do. My friends doesn’t understand at all and I’m not close enough to my parents to discuss these types of things with them. Any ideas or advice would be much appreciated, I honestly don’t know what to do.

TL;DR: I’m FTM and forcibly sterilized, everyone around me is having kids. I get unreasonably angry and depressed each time someone announce a pregnancy and I don’t know how to talk to my DH or anyone else about it.

this actually made really sad, I had no idea Sweden has forcibly sterilized trans folks :(

StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 00:39 on Apr 7, 2018

Caganer
Feb 15, 2018

StrangersInTheNight posted:

You've actually forced me to go to Reddit and find a post for the first time just to stop this loving derail jfc

i come this thread TO AVOID REDDIT

I [30sFTM] am bitter and can't talk to my husband [30sM] of 5+ years about children


this actually made really sad, I had no idea Sweden has forcibly sterilized trans folks :(

i know someone in Umea. Sweden sucks, and there's a reason they all make or listen to black metal

StrangersInTheNight
Dec 31, 2007
ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON
i'm reading about it now and just.....geez

this poor guy :smith:

also the more different we are the more we're the same. that's such a common problem (i want kids, partner might not, also fertility issues) but in a modern context. a real boundary-violating tragic one :(

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

Jeza posted:

My [16M] girlfriend [16F] got pregnant on purpose. HELP


i warn you, im armed with several more contentious pregnancy posts!!

I thought this literally never happened

Beachcomber
May 21, 2007

Another day in paradise.


Slippery Tilde

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

my dad routinely gives out actual Homer bowling ball grade gifts with no joke or actually good present forthcoming, it'll be, like, a secondhand book on his interests or his politics that we'd chew an arm off to escape having to sit through but has been on his Amazon wishlist for a while. We say thanks and put them on a shelf and never read them, because we're not histrionic infants

My dad once gave my mom a toilet seat for Christmas. Tucked away in the bottom of the box was a mall jewelry ring, but it was a pretty deep box, and who takes a toilet seat out of the box to marvel at it.

A different year he gave her a vacuum cleaner. That was it.

It's kind of amazing, as an adult, to learn how much of an outlier your childhood was.

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

Sorry, drive-by shitposting

Caganer
Feb 15, 2018

loquacius posted:

I thought this literally never happened

most rapes go unreported in america

Beachcomber
May 21, 2007

Another day in paradise.


Slippery Tilde

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

My (31f) husband (37m) of 3 years bought me a bowling ball for my bday (I guess its a Simpsons joke). I was so mad, I didn't realize it was a set up for a very thoughtful gift. Now we are both not speaking, what do I do?

I don't think anyone has noticed that a trip to Hawaii is just as much a gift to himself as the bowling ball was.

HIJK
Nov 25, 2012
in the room where you sleep

StrangersInTheNight posted:

You've actually forced me to go to Reddit and find a post for the first time just to stop this loving derail jfc

i come this thread TO AVOID REDDIT but still get the juiciest morsels

I [30sFTM] am bitter and can't talk to my husband [30sM] of 5+ years about children


this actually made really sad, I had no idea Sweden has forcibly sterilized trans folks :(

This is straight up awful, this poor dude

BOOTY-ADE
Aug 30, 2006

BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Ok explain this to me. If I know someone is trans and I call them a really bad word for it and they get mad, I haven't done anything wrong? Their reaction is their own responsibility?

First, if you're calling anyone, trans or otherwise, an offensive or derogatory name, that makes you an rear end in a top hat. You already did wrong by even thinking it's okay to do.

Second, there are two ways that person could react - stop and think like a mature adult and go "nah, not worth my time", or they could haul off and beat the everloving poo poo out of you. The latter would be awesome, but would still mean that they need to step back and reassess why they reacted the way they did.

I really don't get how you're not understanding any of this, but then again, I'm not mentally handicapped, sooo...

PetraCore
Jul 20, 2017

👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

StrangersInTheNight posted:

NO

I KNOW I STARTED IT BUT WE FINISHED THAT

(and I'm talking about people who expect that one Must Stay and become a Proud Father because you can shoot sperm outta your dick and it met with their egg, and the social expectations built around that which can hurt us all, less so than child support)
Yeah I agree with you that two people who loathe each other playing house For The Kids is an excellent way to gently caress up kids. I think people reacted bc they thought you were talking about child support, though.

EDIT: Oops, sorry for continuing derail.

Forcibly sterilizing trans people who get medical transition is a new one to me. That's horrible. Of course if you're on hormone replacement then fertility or virility is going to be impacted anyway, but at least then there's the option to go off that for the time it takes to have a baby if that's what you want.

PetraCore fucked around with this message at 01:23 on Apr 7, 2018

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
hey whatever your dumb loving name is, why didn't you make the post about the dumb crazy lady like you said

PetraCore
Jul 20, 2017

👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Pick posted:

hey whatever your dumb loving name is, why didn't you make the post about the dumb crazy lady like you said
:confused: :(

What did i do????

Caganer
Feb 15, 2018

Pick posted:

hey whatever your dumb loving name is, why didn't you make the post about the dumb crazy lady like you said

settle down anna

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

PetraCore posted:

:confused: :(

What did i do????

not you

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
the other guy, the woman-standing-up prom a-hole

Caganer
Feb 15, 2018

Pick posted:

the other guy, the woman-standing-up prom a-hole

didn't someone complain in this thread about being stood up on a date a long time ago and we decided it's weird and incel-y and you can cancel a date at any time with zero notice?

guess that only applies to FEEEEEMALEEESSS

Bored
Jul 26, 2007

Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

Jeza posted:

Help us (44 m, 43 f) get our son (17m) out of the alt right.


Alright, fess up whoever you are.

See if insurance will pay for a hospital stay?

When I was 15, I was put in a mental hospital. I think my step mom saw it as a way to embarrass me, but it was the first safe place I had been for several years. My fellow patients were kids from child services in other states, which were all really sad, horrifying cases, kids with eating disorders, one schizophrenic, and rich kids who were thrown in the mental hospital to avoid drug charges when busted at parties smoking pot.

Even if there isn't something mentally wrong with the kid throwing around hate speech (there is), it would probably be helpful to have some sort of intensive therapy or deprogramming on this kid before he ruins his life and/or hurts someone because they have a tan.


Hellblazer187 posted:

Fake a DNA test showing he's part black and part jewish. Also beat the ever living gently caress out of him.

I change my answer to this.

Bored fucked around with this message at 01:42 on Apr 7, 2018

But Rocks Hurt Head
Jun 30, 2003

by Hand Knit
Pillbug
Normal brain: ignoring obvious Ham Sandwiches troll posting

Big brain: earnest reply to Ham Sandwiches troll posting

Galaxy brain: earnest reply to Ham Sandwiches troll posting half a dozen pages late

But Rocks Hurt Head
Jun 30, 2003

by Hand Knit
Pillbug

Extremely Unwoke

But Rocks Hurt Head fucked around with this message at 01:14 on Apr 9, 2018

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

Caganer posted:

didn't someone complain in this thread about being stood up on a date a long time ago and we decided it's weird and incel-y and you can cancel a date at any time with zero notice?

guess that only applies to FEEEEEMALEEESSS

no, being stood up is bullshit and it's bullshit to stand someone up

PetraCore
Jul 20, 2017

👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Pick posted:

the other guy, the woman-standing-up prom a-hole
Oh, that dick.

I normally wouldn't judge someone for being a shortsighted rear end in a top hat as a teenager but parsing that down to 'kind of a dick move' kinda sealed the deal.

Caganer
Feb 15, 2018

Pick posted:

no, being stood up is bullshit and it's bullshit to stand someone up

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
hugh once stood me up 4 times in a row and then whined about me having shown up. godsend man, i miss you

PetraCore
Jul 20, 2017

👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Caganer posted:

you are entitled to nothing
It's funny how mad the people who say this the loudest get when they're banned from posting on social media.

Caganer
Feb 15, 2018

Pick posted:

hugh once stood me up 4 times in a row and then whined about me having shown up. godsend man, i miss you

yes, he was probably signalling he didn't want to interact with you. nevertheless, you persisted

But Rocks Hurt Head
Jun 30, 2003

by Hand Knit
Pillbug
This thread gets kinda feverishly loopy some days, and hell, it's good

Caganer
Feb 15, 2018

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

This thread gets kinda feverishly loopy some days, and hell, it's good

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_loop

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

Caganer posted:

yes, he was probably signalling he didn't want to interact with you. nevertheless, you persisted

yeah but he could always tell, one day was the day i intended to be the last time i ever saw him, and then he gave me tickets to an event

and i was like, oh ok

and then he stood me up to it

lol

he was so good, i loved every second

LethalGeek
Nov 4, 2009

loquacius posted:

I thought this literally never happened
As long as teenagers exist at least one of them will do something this crazy & stupid without blinking. I'm sure it's a 1:1 000 000 type deal all the same.

Caganer
Feb 15, 2018

Pick posted:

he was so good, i loved every second

are you sure? you once posted you wanted to kill yourself on his porch

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

Caganer posted:

are you sure? you once posted you wanted to kill yourself on his porch

that would also have owned

Caganer
Feb 15, 2018

Pick posted:

that would also have owned

anna, the pope doesn't like suiciders

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
it was exhilarating to be driven no-poo poo completely insane by someone. like it feels great. it sucks to know what's going on. the world is boring and lovely most of the time.

then you're like, sitting awake at 2 am. "they will die on the second day..."


WHO

WHO WILL DIE

ON THE SECOND DAY?????

the second day of what??

why will they die??

what are you talking about????

Caganer
Feb 15, 2018

Pick posted:

it was exhilarating to be driven no-poo poo completely insane by someone. like it feels great. it sucks to know what's going on. the world is boring and lovely most of the time.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism

PetraCore
Jul 20, 2017

👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Pick posted:

it was exhilarating to be driven no-poo poo completely insane by someone. like it feels great. it sucks to know what's going on. the world is boring and lovely most of the time.
Oh my god you're an emotional adrenaline junkie, that explains so much.

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Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

PetraCore posted:

Oh my god you're an emotional adrenaline junkie, that explains so much.

oh. oh yeah. absolutely. like i am super surprised that this isn't commonly understood in the context of me, pick.

a day hugh made me upset, or confused, or stressed out, or hurt, or sad, or thinking about killing myself on his porch was better than a day i was just doing my god damned work and tracking calories and folding laundry and all that other poo poo

Pick fucked around with this message at 01:57 on Apr 7, 2018

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