dudeness posted:

I didn't even realize you keep wearing the engagement ring after marriage until a few months ago, so all this time I've been reading these stories thinking what does it matter it's just going in a box after a while anyway then you wear the wedding band.

Stevie Lee posted:

what the gently caress is the wedding band for then

wow I'm dumb

Barudak posted:

The wedding band is a second piece of jewelry you attach to the engagement ring but does not come with the wedding ring and is sold seperately unless you buy the Marriage At Castle Greyskull playset.

girl pants posted:

"I choose you, honey! Hurhurhur!"

Barudak posted:

the Marriage At Castle Greyskull playset.

tactlessbastard posted:

and to think they could have gone with a very tasteful death star motif

quote:

u/frustratedwifey

My husband has not once in our entire 7 year relationship gotten me a gift that I hadn't explicitly asked for and told him when/where to buy it. It's always something practical like a cast iron pan or an infrared thermometer. For our anniversary, he bought me one of those battery jumping boxes that you can use to jump your own car. It was on a list of 3 or 4 things that I needed to pick up at the store that i left on our whiteboard. He is not a gift giver by any means. This is something that I have come to accept, as he is pretty great in other ways. We don't exchange gifts for holidays/bdays/anniversaries. We just go do something fun for the money we'd spend on a present. I, on the other hand, pride myself of picking the perfect gifts for people. Our "love languages" are different for sure. I appeal to his needs (words and touch) while he doesn't appeal to mine (gifts, acts of service). We do compromise on quality time, however, and that keeps us both happy.

When we got engaged, we were hanging out at one of our favorite spots, enjoying each other's company. I asked him if he'd like to get married on our next anniversary. He said yes. I bought him a titanium ring the same day (a whopping $80!), and he showed it off with pride. It became his wedding band 4 months later. When we got married, I didn't have a ring. I used my mother's ring as a stand in, which I wasn't really into (my dad is an abusive scum bag) and I don't feel comfortable using that ring as my wedding ring. It's also a diamond which is really clunky and uncomfortable for daily wear. The wedding was very chill and casual, much like us for the most part.

I ended up getting a silver band from an Etsy seller for $30 since I was tired of people asking if I was "really" married. It's pretty but I am not sentimentally attached to it as my wedding band, since it was a self-buy a few months after the fact.

At this point, if it were anyone else, I'd be yelling at the computer screen "JUST TALK TO HIM YOU IDIOT!" but believe me, I have. A few months before our 1st anniversary, I asked him to get my grandmother's ring fixed (the shank is broken) and cleaned and to "give me a proposal" in my usual cheeky way. THE DAY BEFORE OUR ANNIVERSARY he asks me where the ring and the soldering iron are. He, a man who has never even soldered an electronic let alone a precious ring, was going to attempt to do this himself. I told him that it was to be done by a jeweler, no exceptions. It wouldn't be expensive and we have the means to pay for it. We've also had incidents at stores where I point out something I like and he shrugs it off. I will later talk to him about it and he will be very gung-ho about getting me a ring, and then it is gone from his mind not an hour later.

Now, we are coming up on year 2 and I have stopped wearing any rings. My mother's ring is a huge 1.5 ct. diamond and I think it looks gaudy and it also has negative connotations for me. I plan on giving it to one of my neices or nephews when they are ready for marriage (they are ranging from 16 to newborn, so hopefully not for another 10 years), so selling it isn't gonna happen. I took my grandma's ring to get fixed and now it's my "right hand ring" (it was hers as well!). My "wedding band" is both too big after weight loss and worn down, so that lives in the jewelry box. So, as of yesterday, I don't wear a wedding ring. I do, however, have a tan line. I know it's going to get noticed by clients, coworkers, and friends come Monday and it's causing me anxiety.

I know that one of his reasons for not picking me out a ring is that he is worried he will pick something I don't love. He is a ball of anxiety if he runs into the gas station and they don't have my favorite soda and he has to pick out an alternate... I totally understand why looking at rings would cause him to freak out. However, he can always ask me, or even ask my friends! His bestie and I went ring shopping for my best friend before he proposed... Husband can do the same! I will also love ANYTHING he picks out for me. As long as it is silver, platinum, or gold (don't want green fingers...), stone or no stone, I will be happy if it comes from his heart. I have tried telling him explicitly. I have given up on it being a total surprise. I wish there was a single chance in hell that he has something up his sleeve that he is being secretive about, but he doesn't. He can barely clean the house without telling me about it before I walk in... dude can't NOT spoil a surprise. It's mostly endearing, but sometimes frustrating.

So what I am asking here, is what the gently caress do I do? Do I explain to him why I am not wearing a wedding ring before he notices that I am not? It may take him weeks to notice... or one of his friends might say something. My friends have given me this "Advice":

L: "DTMFA!!! OMG HOW CAN HE NOT JUST GET YOU A RING??" but she's talking divorce and isn't even married yet, so I don't really listen to her advice. This is the girl whose fiance I helped shop for her ring.

K: "Just be happy you have a man who won't cheat on you." I don't think this girl has ever had a healthy relationship...

F: "Why don't you just wear the ring that EXBOYFRIEND gave you? And when HUSBAND asks about it, say 'EX gave me this ring, even an rear end in a top hat as big as him can get me a ring!'" Uh, it's obvious why I wouldn't do this. Husband doesn't even know I have the ring that EXBOYFRIEND gave me. I don't wear it. That is weird.

Help Reddit!!!

TLDR Husband never got me an engagement ring nor wedding band. Due to weightloss and sentimental issues, I no longer have a ring to wear. What do I do?

girl pants posted:

They sell these at Wal-Mart btw, Blade Runner. In case you're still in the market for a nice ring.

quote:

Husband doesn't even know I have the ring that EXBOYFRIEND gave me. I don't wear it. That is weird.

A.I. Borgland Corp posted:

Call the police

girl pants posted:

True story: I didn't buy a wedding band for myself, just my husband. My mom sent me a bunch of passive-aggressive texts about it right after the wedding and is still salty as hell.

Oops double post. Here's a dumb person that I hate.

I [34F] want a wedding ring from my husband [34M] so badly, that I've stopped wearing my wedding band.

Leon Einstein posted:

My sister would "never" accept a fake diamond, so her husband had to spend like 15k or something.

Leon Einstein posted:

I don't get why I should feel ashamed to have made a smart financial and ethical choice.

Blade Runner posted:

Bought it but have decided to horde the rings for myself instead of proposing

quote:

u/ThatsAllFolks42

My boyfriend (now fiance) of over three years proposed a few weeks ago. We had been talking about getting engaged for months and had picked out the ring (as well as our wedding bands) together so I knew it was coming.

I like to think my expectations weren't unusually high or extensive; I wanted a bended knee, an engagement ring, and a "will you marry me" or some variation of the phrase. Anything else (public/private, fancy dinner, special date) could be nice add-ons but certainly not necessary or expected.

My fiance can be a little clueless about traditional romance and it's honestly rather endearing most of the time. He also knows this so he had met with some of his married friends for advice (both about getting engaged and just talking about what it means to be a husband). I know that at least one of these guys told him about how he had planned an elaborate proposal and how happy his wife was with it. So my fiance wasn't entirely ignorant about planning a proposal. He also knows that I appreciate it when he tries to do something romantic even if it isn't always executed perfectly.

About a week before we got engaged, I made a joke about him keeping me waiting and he said he was "planning." The actual proposal, however, was disappointing and didn't feel very planned.

We had spent the day at the fair (my idea and spur of the moment) then stopped at a friend's for a couple hours (also a spontaneous decision and my idea) before heading home. We were both really tried and I was barely awake when he stopped at my apartment to drop me off. I kissed him goodnight and then just as I was about to get out of the car, he said "oh, wait" then pulled the ring box out to the glove box and said, "_____, will you marry me?"

No heartfelt speech. No bended knee. Not a remotely romantic mood. Not even a "spur of the moment because the setting was just right." Nothing. Just the two of us in a car with our seat belts still on. And the ring wasn't even the engagement ring; he'd brought the wedding band because he thought the "fancy" one was the wedding ring. I kissed him immediately because I didn't want him to see my disappointment and needed a moment to hide it.

I feel terrible for being unhappy with the proposal, but I don't know how to get over it. It's been a few weeks and I thought I'd be okay by now but if I spend too much time thinking about it, I want to cry. I want this moment to be something I remember fondly, maybe even with amusement about the ring mix-up. Not something that makes me cringe and wish for a do-over.

How do I move past this? I don't want to tell my fiance how much this is bothering me because that would be cruel. He already feels a little embarrassed about the ring mix-up; knowing how much the whole thing bothers me will make him feel even worse. And it really is just a me-problem. There's no reason something as simple as this should be causing me this much grief. The important thing is that I'm going to marry the man I love and that's all that should matter.

Part of the reason I am posting here is in the hopes that just getting it off my chest will help me put this whole thing to rest. I haven't spoken to anyone about this and when I've told other people (because everyone wants to hear "the proposal story") I've tried to spin it more positively and fudged a few of the details to make it sound like the whole day was planned by him.

I appreciate any advice you have to offer.

tl;dr: Looking to move past my disappointment with fiance's proposal.

Leon Einstein posted:

My wedding ring was 8 dollars. Seriously.

My wife got a big fat lab created diamond at a fraction of the cost of a "real" diamond, and nobody had to lose any hands for it.

My sister would "never" accept a fake diamond, so her husband had to spend like 15k or something. I can't even wrap my head around how stupid that line of thinking is.

P-Mack posted:

Putting the engagement ring away used to be standard, back in days of yore.

Nowadays I see a lot of women with wedding bands that match the engagement ring and sort of link together.

girl pants posted:

Are you Sonic the Hedgehog

Me [22 F] with my fiance [22 M], disappointing proposal. How do I get over it?


The actual proposal made me laugh until I choked

LGD posted:

it's definitely insanely stupid, but her husband could have very easily spent $15k on a graded lab diamond as well - unless things have changed I think it's very common for the "fraction of the cost" a lab-grown diamond represents to be 75-85% or so

Of course if you're not wedded to diamonds specifically you can go with something like moissanite, which really is a small portion of the cost of an equivalent diamond and is more brilliant while being roughly similar in durability

Blade Runner posted:

Amy is threatening to hit me with her mallet if I don't propose soon

quote:

u/flacidfruit

I mostly comment on other posts but today I need some advice reddit.

Background: Basically my SO ( let's call him Rhett) and I have been dating for 2 years. We both met up on match after some seriously terrible relationships, had a few dates, and instantly clicked. I love his family and he loves mine. We agree on most things and if we don't compromises are made and/or differences of opinion are respected. I've never had such a fulfilling relationship based on love, understanding, and mutual respect. Of course we've had some fights but nothing we couldn't handle, in fact it's made us closer.

We've talked about marriage, babies, careers, finances etc and we agree on it all-almost so. Since we know we want to get married ( it's just a matter of time) we've recently got on the topic of wedding related issues. There's only one area where we differ- the ring.

The problem:

He thinks that wedding rings are a scam, although he's still willing to buy one, he seems to think that anything over $100 is too expensive. Honestly I'm fine with whatever...except that I don't think he understands how much these things truly cost. To be clear I don't want anything fancy, gaudy, or expensive; I'm fairly low maintence with these things. Hell, I don't even want a real diamond. I think they are unethical, and while I don't judge those who have them or want them, I just don't want to participate in the diamond market. I also don't care how much it costs. If he finds a deal sweet, more money for other things. I only want something that will last with time, seriously that's all I want.

The problem is, is that he hasn't asked me what I like. He seems to pride himself ( maybe thinks it's romantic?)on being able to guess my likes and while he's correct 95% of the time, the other 5% he's been wrong, has been when he's gotten me jewelry. To date he has gotten me a ring and a pair of earrings both were from the same manufacturer. Both I appreciated very much. I had to stop wearing the earrings because they irritated and inflamed my ears. The ring I still wear even though it's not something I would've ever picked out and to be frank it's falling apart I think because the gem might be plastic (basically a pea green jewel and it's very scratchy). Regardless it came from him and it was thoughtful, so it means something to me. I just want my wedding ring to be a little more durable is all.

Anyway, since we are older a lot of family and friends are getting married. Every time he sees a photo of an engagement ring ( even my sisters) he makes negative remarks. Here are a few examples:

" well I hope you don't expect anything like that, I could never afford it"

-"you don't expect a wedding ring AND an engagement ring do you? Because if you do you are going to have to wait a lot longer"

-" I cannot believe your BIL spent $800 on your sisters wedding ring & engagement ring, sorry ( my pet name) I can't do that for you."

-" well if you want that then you are going to be disappointed " ( referring to my sisters ring)

and my favorite so far ( referencing the wedding band and engagement ring I thought was standard practice, he thought was outlandish ) " well I didn't know you were like that. I never took you for being materialistic. I guess life with me will be full of disappointment..."

I just- don't care anymore. He keeps saying these negative, self defeating things about something I thought wasn't a big deal. I seriously don't even make comparisons with other couples about this, yet he keeps doing it. What excitement I had for a future proposal has been squashed by his negativity. He knows I don't care about price and that I only want something that will be durable ( cz or whatever is cool). But If he doesn't want to get me a ring and is just begrudgingly doing so, I wish he'd tell me and stop with all of the BS. I've even tried to show him what cheap styles I like, but it's met with more negativity.

Tldr: my SO is negative about getting a ring, it's putting a damper on the future wedding excitement, and I feel like he really doesn't want to buy one. Am I being materialistic? Too demanding? How can I politely ask him to stop worrying about it without hurting his feelings? I can tell he's sensitive, but these comments are making me feel like poo poo lately, and i want him to stop. Thanks for reading, advice much appreciated!

Edit: Wow! I wasn't expecting anyone to comment on this, I'm currently grading papers so I will respond to you guys/gals tomorrow.

Also for clarity: We are working on our degrees. I'm a grad student, he's working on a second degree in IT security. Let me assure everyone that money is an issue because we are poor, although the obsession with it IS coming off like I'm not worth it ( he's not tactful so I don't think he means it). If he had a good paying job I doubt he'd be stressing so much. He's also a planner so he's trying to save and I think pricing out things is making him realize that $50 isn't going to cut it, hence the negativity. Not sure why people assume he's making fun of my ring expectations, but I definitely agree he's trying to lower my expectations.

girl pants posted:

Spend less on chili dogs

girl pants posted:

I'm still mining the search results for "wedding band". I'm hoping for a story where a guy proposes with a ring pop and she turns him down while eating it.

fruit on the bottom posted:

With what you’re expected to spend? She’d better keep loving wearing it.

girl pants posted:

DACK FAYDEN posted:

for some reason middle aged white ladies love that poo poo

girl pants posted:

Are you Sonic the Hedgehog

Me [22 F] with my fiance [22 M], disappointing proposal. How do I get over it?


The actual proposal made me laugh until I choked

La Brea Carpet posted:

Double postin' for name ideas:

Roofies
Red Rocket

quote:

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and I love him and I would have accepted his proposal if he would have proposed to me normally, but he proposed to me during sex and I said no because he didn't do it like other men and plan something romantic and buy a ring. He was very emotional during the proposal and it was just very odd and I wonder if there's any hope for our relationship because he was very offended!

tl;dr: what should i do about my boyfriend (?) who proposed to me during sex? we're not speaking and he is offended by me saying no because it wasn't planned out

quote:

Haha I know I just made a post about engagement, but this is another part of the problem that's bothering me. So my boyfriend is a resident physician in surgery and I'm a writer and bartender. I was pre-med in school, but honestly couldn't handle the stress so now I'm a "free spirit" and don't really have a career. I feel like I don't measure up to the kind of woman that he should marry someone so successful and he could do better. I feel like he's settling for me and I feel like I'm inadequate compared to him because I'll never be a doctor. Is there any way to get over this? Any advice?

tl;dr: title

quote:

No interests. How do I find a career?

I wanted to be a doctor and I am probably not going to achieve that. I have taken so many career tests and scrolled through so many job lists and I like no career. Honestly, I would love to be a novelist or scriptwriter/producer for a show, but those are dreams and not careers. I want a lucrative career in a secure field, but I feel like when I contemplate one career, I chose the wrong one. I am lost and depressed and don't know what to do.

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

This lady writes short posts, so enjoy this little multi-post story.

My [23 F] boyfriend [28 M] proposed during sex and not we're not speaking


My boyfriend [28 M] is successful and I am not. Any advice?

failing forward posted:

My engagement ring cost $80. It is really pretty: thin, white-gold band with a little leaf next to a green tanzanite. It cost less than my wedding band.

How are people so bad at this?

quote:

There is a lot of text ahead but I'll try to keep everything brief and to the point.

State NC

There was an incident between two of my friends that were dating. We'll call them Bob and Lisa.

Bob and Lisa would get into arguments as all couples would. Bob would, instead of fighting, want to be alone and go home. Lisa refused to let this happen and would break into Bobs home and force him to talk (were not sure how but she could get through the front lock, no damage).

This happened 3 different times and bob called the police each time; not wanting to press charges but have her removed. The fourth time this happened Bob had the police file trespassing paper work to keep her away.

The police were always told that bob didn't want to press charges but they weren't having it the fourth time. The police started interrogating Lisa after Bob went inside. An officer said "Man, I wish I was smart enough to break into a smart lock". Lisa replied, "You just got to be smart like me I guess". At this point they put her under arrest for breaking and entering.

Bob doesn't want Lisa to face charges for this.

What are Lisa's options when going to court, she can't afford a lawyer? Will a public defender be ok? What can bob do to help?

tater_salad posted:

It came from legal advice

Police pressing breaking and entering charges when owner doesn't want to

quote:

An officer said "Man, I wish I was smart enough to break into a smart lock". Lisa replied, "You just got to be smart like me I guess". At this point they put her under arrest for breaking and entering. 

Moridin920 posted:

Lmao owned