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May 13, 2024 22:10
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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Idea for gay guy in Homophobland: Just imitate this guy.
My bf (29M) and I (26F). His health is terrible and his job is killing him. Help.
quote:(reposted bc I forgot the TLDR initially)
TLDR: BF and I moved away together. Have since found out BF was never financially independent. BF does not take care of his deteriorating heath. Works too much for too little. Still hasn't finished school. Spends money on fast-food and $300 warhammer kits. Wants me to live in his mother's house instead of finding our own place
We worked together in food for about a year before getting together. We have been dating ~2 years.
When we got together in July/August 2016 I had finished my Bachelor's and was working full-time in my field. Bf told me he would be finished with his Bachelor's at the end of the fall semester, except for maybe one more class. We knew neither of us wanted to live in StateA, and I was really interested in moving to StateB. He has family in StateB and actually lived there for a short time, and he was 100% on-board with moving there after he finished his degree. (I know it's a terrible idea move away with someone after a short time. I had my own money, car, savings, etc. I had zero intention of staying in StateA. My plan had always been to get experience under my belt and then leave without looking back.) So it was decided we would move once he finished his degree.
At the start of the next semester (spring 2017) he tells me he has a full schedule but will be done at the end of the spring. So he didn't have only "one more class" but 5. Spring ends, but wait! He needs one more class over summer. Summer comes and goes and...you guessed it. Not done yet. Just one more semester. Still. A year later. One more class. Now I should say BF has close to a 4.0 and an excellent relationship with the professors. He cannot give any project less than 110%. Perfectionism is his flaw, as well as mine.
Unfortunately though I had already quit my job (after 2 promotions in 4 months - was a doozy) and was back to working in restaurants where I could realistically save up more cash in the (presumably short) time before we moved. I quit my job because he was 'almost done' so we would be moving soon. Except now I was at 6 months post-leaving job in my field. The longer I stayed out of it the harder it would be to get back in. How many more years would he have "one more class"? So I told him I was moving to StateB and was not going to wait around wasting my potential in a state I hated because he couldn't get his academics together.
Naturally he flew for a visit to StateB and landed a job that gave him a one year grace period to finish his BA. He agreed to take it because he has bad heath issues and would have insurance day one. With fewer than 5 days before his first day, we packed everything and left on a 30 hour drive. We got there and the plan was to stay with his mom 3 months max. We had not lived together before this. At 3 months I moved out. Found a roommate because with the stress and struggles his family was going through, his mom asked and he agreed to stay in the house. He called me selfish and accused me of "ditching him" when I moved out. I laughed, then got mad. I do not need to light myself on fire to keep his mother and the rotating door of family members warm. I moved out of my parents' at 17 because of home issues. I was not interested in submitting myself to the same environment. Drugs, abuse, child endangerment, substance abuse on top of substance abuse on top of substance abuse. Constant yelling. Petty narcissism. His mom's determination to control everything because she is unraveled. No. Just, no.
So now we've lived in StateB for about 10 months. I am working in my field and making good money, but struggling to make friends. BF is in a vocation that pays roughly nothing (so it seems), but will forgive his student loans if he keeps at it for 5 years. He works way too much and has heath issues (maybe Crohns or celiac or IBS, who know. He's in pain a lot). So he is never available and when he is, he's exhausted, in pain, or in the bathroom. I had to play mommy one day and leave work so I could call around for him to find an available doctor, then drive BF there. Because 8 months after moving last minute specifically so he could have insurance to get himself looked at, he had done nothing for his health but smoking a pack a day and go to his parents' doctor-friend to request a script for Adderall ("I have ADHD. I'm not abusing or snorting it anymore" he says, because he abused it a lot while in school full-time). So he was willing to make and follow through on appointments to get his fix, but not to fix his health...
I found out after we moved that I'd made some wrong assumptions. I had assumed he was paying for things like rent, his car, phone, etc. Nope, his mom pays for all of that. Because while in school he was living in a house his mom owed, he would collect the rent but not pay any. And he would keep the 'extra' money to supplement his part-time work. His car is not his, it's him mom's. He does not contribute to insurance. He is on a family cell plan he does not contribute to. He says the rent he collects is his contribution. Should I have not have assumed a 27 y/o man was responsible for his own bills? Guess so.
We had a 'break' a few months back. I needed time apart from him and his controlling addict family. The break did not last too long, but I put boundaries in place for myself that I shared with him:
- I would not be in a relationship with someone so negligent of themselves - he would need to take care of his health.
- I would not be his mother, he is not a child. He needed to learn how to grocery shop for more than himself and buy more than junk food. He needed to contribute way more to household chores and meals (homeboy doesn't clean or cook but will 'help' if given specific tasks that he will 'try' to do between cigs every 10 minutes. I wish I was exaggerating). I told him I would not be in a relationship with someone unable to contribute equally to a partnership.
- His mother was not to ask me anymore questions about his dick size. Yes, really.
- I would not be around adults yelling unnecessarily the way they do at children.
- I would not be around petty or passive aggressive adults.
- I would not be involved with an addict. He is to follow his scripts. No more, no less. (his prescription has 'wiggle' room of 5mg/day)
- He will finish his degree and save up to move out by end of summer (I make more and thus would pay a larger share.)
But now...I don't know if it's even worth it. He keeps missing work because of health. I hate myself for it, but I feel like he's being a baby a lot of the time. His heath is not improving but maybe it would if he smoked less and stopped eating so much freaking fast food (that he can't afford!!) and maybe exercised once in a blue moon. He hates his job but will do it 4 more years because of the student loan payoff (I worked like crazy to pay my way through school and have my loans all paid off. I have $0 debt.)
I'm sorry this is half-rambling. I could use some advise. I can't talk to my family, they're not helpful (my mom is still mad at him for flaking on my birthday dinner after he swore that morning he'd be there, and then promising to make it up to me and then doing nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not even a cake or homemade card.)
I just don't know. I feel like I've demanded so much from him that it would not be fair to leave him now when he has not really had time to make these adjustments. I am aware changes don't happen overnight, but what is reasonable? Can I tell him he needs to leave the vocation he loves to work a job with more reasonable demands, fewer hours, and more pay? I think he is used to being a top performer and getting special treatment. Any other job would likely have fired him for missing so much work. He is amazing at what he does but 60+ hours a week most weeks is unreasonable for <$32k a year. This is worsened by his procrastination. BF does nothing for a few days then stays up for days working. His family is all like this.
BF still thinks the best thing for me to do is to move into his mom's house with like 10 other people and 5 dogs to save money.
Just, ugh, help please. Do I give him more time, more support? Do I cut my losses and walk?
TLDR: BF and I moved away together. Have since found out BF was never financially independent. BF does not take care of his deteriorating heath. Works too much for too little. Spends money on fast-food and $300 warhammer kits. Wants me to live in his mother's house instead of finding our own place
e:
quote:[–]CrushedLaCroixCan[score hidden] an hour ago
His mom asking about his dick size? Please please elaborate?!
But that aside, this is not a grown adult. You are not mommy, and you cannot help someone who does not help themselves. There are many many red flags.
[–]reecewitherfork[S] [score hidden] an hour ago
I answered something ridiculous lol. Also she needed a ride last minute the other morning and when he didn't get to her quick enough she texted "faster sex please!" like he was taking too long doing her a favor with no advance notice, and the only explanation was sex. And we should speed it up to accomodate her.
Also,  for not training his damned dogs.
quote:Thank you. He has lied a lot. He says he never lied intentionally about school, he just spoke about the 'best case scenarios' while not paying attention to credit requirements.
The house he lived in before we moved was always a disgusting disaster. He said his 4-6 roommates (varied numbers) made the messes. When we were packing up to move, I saw that it was actually almost entirely his mess. Also he had 2 dogs and was taking care of one of his mom's also. He always always always blamed his mom's dog for pissing on the couch or wherever. There was always piss. When we moved and I was actually living with the dogs, I realized he lied. It was his dogs that pissed everywhere, his mom's dog was actually trained. His dogs are also a year behind on vaccinations and one is not chipped. She got out once and was gone 4 days before we got her back. That was 6ish months ago and she is still not chipped. That was another requirement, he needs to take care of them because a dog is a privilege. Haifisch fucked around with this message at 20:30 on May 8, 2018
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May 8, 2018 20:25
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- Leon Einstein
- Feb 6, 2012
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I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.
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Who are these women that will put up with that? Jesus, get some self respect.
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May 8, 2018 21:07
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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How often does your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend bring you breakfast in bed? Or, how often do you bring breakfast to them?
quote:My husband and I are in our early 40's, married for 12+ years. He works a full time job and makes significantly more money that I do. Since I do not work nearly as much as he does, nor do I pay as much towards the bills, I understandably do a lot more of the cooking/cleaning and household chores. This is the agreement/arrangement we made when we got married and we're both happy with it.
On the weekends, my husband likes to sleep in late, which I feel he deserves after a long work week. Additionally, he likes to stay in bed even after he's awake and enjoy sports games or catch up on his favorite TV shows that he's recorded during the week. I often prepare and bring him breakfast, then lunch and possibly even dinner in bed. Sometime he never even has to leave the bedroom all day.
My mother and my older sister think this is absolutely terrible and that my husband is a lazy, selfish pig who acts like an entitled "king of the world" and that he treats me like a slave.
I feel like he works hard and pays the bills, so he deserves a little pampering; but perhaps I am taking it a little too far by allowing him to stay in bed ALL weekend and cater to him having all his meals in bed.
So back to my title question, how often do you bring your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend a meal in bed/how often do they bring you a meal in bed. How often do you think is fair/reasonable?
TL;DR! I serve my hubby meals in bed so often, sometimes he doesn't leave the bedroom all weekend. Am I spoiling him too much?
But wait, there's more:
Family doesn't understand my husband's misophonia (self.misophonia)
quote:Many sounds trigger my husband and I am slowly learning how to be sensative of it. Sometimes however, I do feel like I'm "walking on eggshells" around him because so many sounds frustrate or anger him. Chewing is the biggest one, but other things like sniffling or coughing, or even just breathing heavily if you are out-of-breath, or clanking silverware against the plate when you eat... I sometimes feel like I am not allowed to get sick.
I have learned how to cope (most of the time). I realize it's something he can't help and I understand that even though he occasionally snaps at me for making a certain noise, it's not because he doesn't love me. Usually I can avoid some of the annoying noises if I am aware of it and how it's affecting him.
My family does not understand. They think Hubby is an intolerant jerk who has complete lack of repect for everyone around him. They think he struts around like the king of the world expecting everyone to tip toe away silently. We rarely have family dinners or holidays together, and my Mom and sister keep telling me I should divorce him because he's just "too mean". I know he's not really a mean person, but he does tend to lash out if someone unwittingly makes a noise that is one of his triggers.
How do I: 1. Educate my family and get them to be a little more understanding? 2. Help my hubby learn to control his frustated urge to yell at whomever is making the noise and be at little more tolerant?
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May 9, 2018 00:23
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- P-Mack
- Nov 10, 2007
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Saudi is one of those countries where dudes can gently caress each other as much as they want as long as they aren't gay about it.
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May 9, 2018 00:24
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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Saudi is one of those countries where dudes can gently caress each other as much as they want as long as they aren't gay about it.
No cuddling, no kissing, high-fives ok.
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May 9, 2018 01:01
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- LadyPictureShow
- Nov 18, 2005
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Success!
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My boyfriend took my virginity and left a week later... help?
quote:
I’m 20 F and he was 22 M. We met through tinder and went on our first date pretty soon after first talking. Our date went well and I was surprised when he asked to exclusively date a few hours after. At this time we talked a little more, and he had asked a few questions, some of them about sex. I admitted that I was a virgin (and when I say virgin, I mean virgin—I had never even made out with anyone) and he was understanding and willing to wait.
We were a little long distance and usually pretty busy (I’m in college and he works) so we didn’t meet much in person but we’d spend almost every night on the phone (about 3-5 hours). We had a lot in common and were pretty sexually compatible too (at least, I’d talk about what I thought I’d be interested in, etc).
About a month into our relationship we had planned to have sex, but I ended up backing out because I was scared. We ended up deciding to be just friends around then, because he also seemed a little hesitant to be dating (he had a fiancée a few years back, and he had admitted to being scared about relationships, especially since his ex had left him so suddenly). But during the week we broke up, he continued to contact me. He asked me a few times if I was mad at him, and said he couldn’t stand knowing someone was angry with him. Finally I told him to delete our messages, and somehow we talked things out and decided to be together again. He had admitted to being afraid of taking my virginity and things not working out. We talked about how we wanted our relationship to be (it was fairly laid back) and went from there.
Throughout our relationship (about three months), I would let him know my worries and how I felt. Typically it would be about having sex and then the person leaving me. He was understanding and would always tell me I’m overthinking things.
By the time we finally had sex, it was about three months in. The day after we talked a little, and he asked how he felt we were connecting. I told him I thought everything was going well, and asked him how he felt. He said he thought so, but he was still trying to balance dating and work and everything else. I didn’t think much of it. We also talked about how we both enjoyed the day we spent together and we talked a bit about doing it again. Afterwards, he became a bit distant. About 4-5 days after we had sex, he called me (not a shocking thing, since we talked on the phone a lot. But it was the first time he’d called since the sex). We talked like normal until suddenly he admitted that he had no feelings for me and had felt that way for a week (meaning he had felt that way BEFORE we had sex).
I, of course, was extremely hurt. If he would’ve told me this beforehand, I would not have agreed to sex, and I believe he took advantage of this. I tried to be as understanding as possible, but told him how that had made me upset (of course, I was crying while we spoke). He told me that even though he hadn’t developed feelings for me, this wasn’t a bad thing: he thought we could continue to date (without having sex) to see if he could develop feelings after awhile. Which, of course, left me so confused. At the end of the conversation, he told me that he felt like he couldn’t feel anything because his relationship with God was not right (so he pulled the God card on me, basically) and how everything went wrong when he had decided to have premarital sex (he was not a virgin when we had sex) and we decided to be friends. Throughtout the conversation, he would say he “didn’t understand why he didn’t have feelings because I was great” and that he wanted to cry and felt naseous. He also told me that he felt like he hadn’t gotten attached because we had had rough sex. (As a virgin, I felt like I wasn’t really in control of that aspect of the sex.) At the end of the conversation, right before we hung up, he said “Text me tomorrow and let me know how you’re feeling.”
The next morning, I was devastated. I was so angry and hurt. I decided to block him on everything and cut off all contact. I was heartbroken because I felt like I had been so careful. My friends unfollowed him on their social media, but he continued to follow them. After about 4 weeks of that, I ended up feeling guilty out of nowhere and trying to at least have some contact by unblocking and refollowing him. He refollowed me back.
The next day, I was curious if he was being truthful about getting his relationship right with God and ended up finding him back on tinder. I blocked him on everything again, and sent him a calm closure message about my disappointment in him and the decision he made and advised him not to do this to another girl. He never replied. I sent the message to a few guy friends—who were all, at one point, infamous for using and hurting girls—and they all agreed that they wouldn’t have replied either because they would’ve felt horrible. But then again, I understand that they could just be telling me that to protect my feelings.
I’m doing okay in general—most of the time I’m pretty happy—but every once in awhile I get very upset to the point where I shut down completely. I just can’t believe he would do something like that to me. From what I’ve seen here and there, he continues to act like he’s a great follower of God. After the closure message, I have stopped all contact. I just don’t want to feel this way when I’m sure he’s sleeping soundly at night. It kills me to know he doesn’t care enough to apologize. I know that he’s not worth worrying about but sometimes the situation kills me. I really tried to be careful and he seemed genuinely interested in me and now I just feel like an idiot for ever trusting him. For the past few weeks, I’ve been pretty repulsed at the idea of ever having sex again (I flirted a bit over text message with a guy recently, but even that didn’t feel right). Any advice?
TL;DR: my boyfriend took my virginity after about three months together and then a week later told me he had no feelings for me despite knowing my worries about losing my virginity and then the guy leaving me
Oof.
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May 9, 2018 01:03
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- Ham Sandwiches
- Jul 7, 2000
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I have a lot of empathy that the experience for that lady was quite lovely. However, let me point out this section, which, at the very start of the story
quote:I’m 20 F and he was 22 M. We met through tinder and went on our first date pretty soon after first talking.
Why is she searching on Tinder for men that she wants to have serious relationships / find someone respectful to lose her virginity to?
Wouldn't Tinder be after that part of the process when she just wants to have fun? It doesn't excuse anything that happened but in general, it seems odd to go to quickiefucks.com and be like BUT IM NOT LOOKING FOR A QUICKIE gently caress idk
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May 9, 2018 01:05
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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My [25 F] boyfriend [26 M] of 2 years' half siblings [30s M&F] are a couple and everyone acts like it's normal. I don't know what to think.
quote:
My boyfriend's dad had a family prior to having him with his mom. He divorced and had my BF with his mom and has lived with them but has always been around his oldest children. That's what I understand from all of this, at least.
To keep things short, he has always been close to them. After several months of us going out he introduced them to me and from the start he told me that one weird little detail, they are brother and sister, but they are also "in love" and are a couple. Of course we didn't talk about that with them, he told me before.
I am not entirely sure how old they are but I think she's like 2 or 3 years older. They totally act like a couple and after a few times seeing them things kinda normalized because everyone acts like one of them is part of the family and the other is the spouse/partner (like my BF and I), so they are a normal couple who attends family meetings and all of that, but they are actually both part of the family, not just one of them.
They have a girl. A 4 year old girl that is totally normal as far as I can tell.
I'm gonna be honest, after over a year of seeing them occasionally, it's not a big deal for me anymore but, this is really weird, and I don't know what to think anymore. Like, do I just let it slide and ignore it? Are they mentally ill? Are they people you shouldn't let around your children if we ever have children? How are you supposed to react to this? Is it "OK" that my boyfriend and his family seem to think it's all perfectly normal? Just, explain this to me, please.
tl;dr: Boyfriend's half siblings are a couple and have a 4 year old girl who is apparently perfectly normal. Everyone in his family acts normal about it. What is going on here?
Crusader King's new expansion looking pretty decent.
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May 9, 2018 02:07
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- Peaceful Anarchy
- Sep 18, 2005
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sXe
I am the math man.
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My [25 F] boyfriend [26 M] of 2 years' half siblings [30s M&F] are a couple and everyone acts like it's normal. I don't know what to think.
Crusader King's new expansion looking pretty decent.
quote:Of course we didn't talk about that with them, he told me before. quote: everyone acts like one of them is part of the family and the other is the spouse/partner
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May 9, 2018 02:36
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- Jeffrey of YOSPOS
- Dec 22, 2005
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How do I (17F) deal with my absolute mess of a younger brother (13M) (ft. apathetic mom (43F))?
quote:
I'm a minor living with my single mother and half brother (13 yrs). We're in a house with a finished basement. This basement was pretty nice when we moved in but has since turned into an absolute shithive.
Some background: my brother is a complete slob. He is nearly 5 years younger than me, has not yet gone through puberty but outweighs me by maybe 60 pounds. He plays xbox chronically and has broken at least 3 controllers and a television raging because he's terrible at it. He is a klepto (particularly with food) and a serial liar. He does not know how to aim when he pees and as a result has made 3 out of 4 bathrooms in this house smell consistently like urine (mine is only safe because I neurotically lock the door). He does not clean up after himself. He is lazy as hell and has apparently never heard of a trash can in his life.
I've put up with this for a couple of years at this point. It's infuriating but I can't actually do anything, because talking to him is like talking to a brick wall, if the brick wall had earplugs in and didn't speak English.
Fast forward to tonight.
Tonight I go downstairs to do some computer stuff (there's an office branching off the main basement where I offload all my nerd junk) and, on a whim, move one of the couches out of the way because I smell something kind of weird.
Holy poo poo, reddit. Here's an abridged list of what I found:
10 pop cans.
several bags of doritos. Loose doritos were all over the floor.
pens (stolen from me).
5 hr energy shots (stolen from me)
orbit gum (stolen from me). I know for a fact that he doesn't chew the gum. He just eats the whole drat pack.
broken video game and dvd disks. I cut the poo poo out of my hand on a shard of COD Ghosts
a knife with crusty peanut butter on it. We're getting into "OP is gonna barf" territory now
desiccated banana peels. How long have they been there? Who loving knows
a cockroach (dead)
literally mold
underwear. It was not clean. RIP me
This was in, behind, and under one couch.
In total, I must have recovered 4 bags of straight up un-vacuumable trash from this adventure. There is also a mysteriously wet patch of carpet and stains all over the floor.
I am not a paragon of cleanliness, but holy poo poo, this is Hoarders-tier awful and I'm not even done cleaning yet.
The kicker is that my mother, who is a complete doormat regarding anything that involves my brother (broke the tv? I'll order a new one. broke your ipad? good thing we have applecare :3) literally said to me "I can't do anything about it." This is legendary parenting.
I don't like living in a dumpster. Nor do I like to see someone I'm related to (who I don't necessarily like, but whatever) go speeding down the track to Fuckup Station. What do I do in a situation like this? Is there anything I can do, or should I just suck it up and wait until I can move out in a few months and let it all go down from a safe distance?
tldr: brother is obese, lazy, steals from me, stinks up the house and is trashing a shared living space; mom does nothing???
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May 9, 2018 02:55
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- value-brand cereal
- May 2, 2008
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quote:Me [17F] with my half-sister [15F]. Bio Dad wants me to "do him a solid." I want nothing to do with my half-siblings.◉ Locked Post ◉
submitted 3 years ago by SisterFromtheMist
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/28i7n5/me_17f_with_my_halfsister_15f_bio_dad_wants_me_to/
quote:I have a family, with siblings, and a step-father I call dad.
But my birth father, 'C', likes to push himself into my life. He calls himself my dad to my friends and gets offended when I tell them he is just the sperm donor. I hate him for cheating on my mom and would never see him if the courts didn't make me.
C lives an hour away and has asked me to visit him, but I refuse. They can't make me go see him or leave my house. He can come in, my parents don't mind. Plus that would mean I have to loving spend the night with him because he would refuse to take me home until the next day. He cheated, he can loving drive out to see me if he insists.
C brought my half sister with him a few times. I hate her. He is forcing her on me. I know I had one, or two, but I have told him that if he brings up his other life and kids then I am going to leave and he can go gently caress himself.
My half sister, R, is fifteen and tried to hug me, said she knew so much about me, and wanted to go to the movies with me. I want nothing to do with her.
I have tried to tell my dad abut this but he thinks its a great idea. My mom is on the wall, and I know it hurts her. She thinks i am denying R because I dont want to hurt her. I hate R and not even because of the divorce/cheating thing. She is obnoxious, loud, listens to weird music, and talks to me like I am her best friend. I am not even sure she understands what happened.
So C drove down last night to give me my birthday present. He said he had a surprise for me and wanted to take me out to dinner. I had plans. With friends. I am out of school for the summer and I wanted to use my car and money to go out with people who matter.
C brought R and she jumped into my car and would not get out. My mom didn't want to cause a problem so she said I should take R. I refused, went inside, and locked my door. R knocked but I told her to go away. I was then told I needed to come down and speak with them. My mom said I was causing a needless scene.
I went down and R wanted to talk to me in the den. We talked and she said she was hurt and that she just wanted me to be friends/sisters with her.
I told her I never wanted to be sisters. She would not exist if my dad hadn't cheated on my mom. She started crying and C left with her.
I went out with my friends and didn't think much of it. But now my mom is saying I am being needlessly cruel to R, she just wants to know me.
I feel like people are pressuring me to befriend my half sister who i don't care about. I have enough issues to deal with. My mom won't forgive my dad but thinks I should suddenly want to be with a girl just because we share the same deadbeat dad? I don't think so.
I told my mom the moment I turn 18 I am not seeing C anymore. And at 18 I am moving out with my aunt to go to school anyways, so its not a huge deal if I don't talk to R again or not.
Mom said I am being a teen about this and need to think like an adult. Who is right?
tl;dr: Mom, birth dad, trying to force half sister on me.
Just want to say that OP picked a great username  I can't stop imaging Dian Fossey as the sister. Not aged down or anything, just as she is on the book's cover.
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May 9, 2018 03:02
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- value-brand cereal
- May 2, 2008
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What the gently caress. Who the gently caress eats and swallows gum. What the gently caress.
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May 9, 2018 03:05
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- Proposition Castle
- Aug 9, 2004
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Witty message goes here.
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You were expecting Pnurtis, but it was me, Holy Diver!
Have a spicy boi
Me [19M] with my mother [39F]. I haven’t seem her for my whole life, I re-connected with her and now we are attracted to each other and I need advice
I remember when I moved out of my first apartment and started reminiscing about it a few months later.
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May 9, 2018 03:07
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- Mameluke
- Aug 2, 2013
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by Fluffdaddy
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This girl's dad can gently caress off but so can she. She's either got zero empathy for an "annoying" sibling with the same shithead dad, or she refuses to acknowledge the best vector for loving with his life once she exits it.
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May 9, 2018 03:17
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- LadyPictureShow
- Nov 18, 2005
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Success!
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My (21F) boyfriend (21M) keeps getting mad at me because he keeps breaking things
quote:
My boyfriend, let’s call him James, and I have been together 2 years and some months, and the majority of it was hell. I always have had a fear of talking to him because, the truth is, he does a lot wrong but he doesn’t want to hear about it or change it. James never put effort into any aspect of his life- school, our relationship, his family, his friends- he always just kind of existed and expected everyone else to “go with the flow” like him. So he would mistreat me and then get mad when I would try and communicate why what he did hurt me. Or he would fail an exam and then get mad when I would say he should study harder for the next one because he didn’t study at all for that one. But when he would calm down, he would thank me and even say he appreciates it. Mind you, I hold his hand through everything.... he avoided failing multiple classes because of me, either being in the class with him or doing his work for him. I know this is bad, I know he needs to fall on his own. I stopped doing this a couple of months ago but the expectation for me to always be there as an always-accepting, always-supportive crutch for his laziness is still there. He also would break up with me every 2-3 days every time we had a conflict.
This is all kind of relevant backstory to my point. James has undergone this “radical maturity” change where he has owned up to all of the abuse and has sworn to me he will take responsibility and be better to me and those around him. Ok, heard it before, let’s see if it works. This was two weeks ago and it seemed as if he actually changed. If I present a problem to him, he listens, then we talk about it, and he apologizes if he did something wrong. But recently he has been very immature about this one thing he keeps doing: breaking our things. When we first started dating he broke my owl scent warmer (I loved that drat thing) and then hid it from me until I was looking for it a few days later. He said sorry and said he would replace it. That was 2 years ago. Since then he has broken my large mirror, laundry basket, multiple headphone sets, LOTS of dishes, etc. Many of which he doesn’t replace. Anybody would be gradually more frustrated because we’re poor and clearly can’t afford to replace these things. Oddly enough, he doesn’t break HIS things. And the only time I know is if it happens in front of me. Otherwise he’ll throw the pieces away and I’ll find out eventually.
I get mistakes. But this is sneaky and frustrating because I’m tired of MY/our shared things being broken. This morning I heard a crash in the living room and asked him if something broke while I was by the bathroom. I couldn’t hear his response, so I walked over. As soon as I turned around the corner, he literally snapped at me and was like “Can you not. Can you just not.”. He said he was preemptively trying to get me to not talk because he didn’t want me to comment on him breaking something else. He then proceeded to get even more mad at me when I told him that that’s lovely because I didn’t do anything wrong. I said if he feels like I comment too much on him breaking things, maybe he should be more careful around fragile things. This escalated into a 3 hour fight with him calling me annoying and accusing me of talking too much. He ended by saying sorry that he did all of that. I feel so confused. This feels like a huge regression in him handling things maturely.
TL;DR My boyfriend keeps breaking my/our things (nothing directly his) and now gets mad when I ask him to be more careful/stop. We had a whole fight today where he called me annoying and said I talk too much. Boyfriend also has extensive history of immaturity when handling conflicts that are his fault. We were supposed to be getting better. What do I do?
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May 9, 2018 03:32
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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I named my second daughter McKlarty. Then we had a son and we had to name him Bluetooth after my wife's great-uncle.
How is little Harald?
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May 9, 2018 03:52
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- Switchback
- Jul 23, 2001
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How often does your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend bring you breakfast in bed? Or, how often do you bring breakfast to them?
But wait, there's more:
Family doesn't understand my husband's misophonia (self.misophonia)
Wanna see one of these posts from the POV of her family.
This is the same person? UGH.
Misophonia is the stupidest poo poo. Wah you get annoyed by annoying sounds, maybe you should take anger management and handle your own negative emotions in normal life, instead of pathologizing it and acting like some poor victim of circumstance who is physical incapable of patience. I have a DISORDERRRR see that’s why I have to go into a rage when you annoy me.
Actually, I have postophonia, where retarded people on the internet make me angry, guys it’s a real disorder so it’s not my fault I’m an rear end in a top hat.
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May 9, 2018 06:23
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- HIJK
- Nov 25, 2012
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in the room where you sleep
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I like all the comments that keep going "but she's your sisterrrrrrrrr" even after the OP said that the halfsister 1) steals her things 2) locked herself into a car with the OP 3) tries to physically crush the OP when hugging her to the point that the OP is in actual pain
It is bullshit for people to demand that you put up with someone who is an obnoxious thief just because you're blood related. Halfsister can come back and try to be friends once she's no longer a gross 15 year old.
HIJK fucked around with this message at 06:56 on May 9, 2018
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May 9, 2018 06:54
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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Sounds like that whole family tree sucks imo. They should all do us a favor and “C” their way off this mortal coil.
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May 9, 2018 07:41
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- Milotic
- Mar 4, 2009
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9CL apologist
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Slippery Tilde
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My wife [34f] and I [36m] are having a fundamental disagreement about religion because our son [6] wants to go to Mass
quote:u/CatholicBooth
My wife and I are both Jewish. I am a non practicing secular Jew (after spending years as a practicing Jew) and my wife falls somewhere between reform and conservative. When we got married I agreed to raise the children Jewish and we both respected and were at peace with our respective religious commitments/convictions.
We have 2 kids, a 6 year old boy and 4 year old girl.
Our son is really good friends with a boy who lives down the street whose family are practicing Catholics. We all get along well, and the boys spend a lot of time together.
Earlier this year, we invited the family over for Passover Seder. They seemed to have a really good time, and said they would love to come next year.
When it was time for Easter this year, they asked if they could take our son to mass, and then to what is apparently an amazing egg hunt. We said of course, and our son went and had a great time.
Such a good time, in fact, that our son said he wanted to go to mass again because “the building is pretty and the songs are pretty”.
And this is where my wife and I are in disagreement.
My wife thinks we should start going to synagogue more instead (we go for Shabbat maybe once a month or so and to a couple Saturday services for bar and bat mitzvahs) - but when we asked our son if he’d instead like going to synagogue, he said it wasn’t as nice.
Personally, I don’t care if he goes to mass. Their church is objectively more beautiful (I love stained glass) and I’ve heard the choir is pretty incredible.
Contrast that to our synagogue which is in a pretty run down building and smells like a retirement home.
I mean, I kinda get it. Our son understands that he is “jewish”, and I’m not really getting the sense that he wants to be Catholic - I think he honestly just enjoys the service and spending more time with his friend.
My wife has basically said this is a red line for her, and that she is thinking maybe the boys shouldn’t be spending so much time together.
She also has now said we should start eating 100% kosher in and out of the house, and I saw on some open browsers she’s looking into Jewish day schools.
We’ve talked endlessly in circles about this, but it keeps coming back to this intense fear (or shame?) that our son would renounce his heritage...
This just all seems to be an intense overreaction to some childhood curiosity, but I think it is important we don’t ruin our sons friendship. What’s the best way to navigate this mess?
Tl;dr: Jewish son wants to go to mass with friend because the church is pretty and the songs are nice, wife is now having a personal crisis of faith.
I don’t know if doubling down on your heritage is going to work in the way you want it to work - should have really done it from the start.
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May 9, 2018 08:56
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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He’s gonna handle teenage rebellion so much better than her
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May 9, 2018 09:03
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- Milotic
- Mar 4, 2009
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9CL apologist
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Slippery Tilde
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The poster goes to great lengths to explain how aware she is of her privilege. But if her friend doesn’t want to go to any bars but just stay at home, it’s not really an issue?
My best friend[25 f] is transgender and treats me [24 f] like a biggot for wanting to go out and party at “straight” clubs and bars.
quote:u/heythere360
Both my best friend Stace and I are extremely close. We both moved away from home after college and to the same city. She’s like my lifeline, we get along on so many different levels. We talk a lot about her struggles as a transgender person and how hard it has been for her to come out to her friends and family.
She’s really had it rough and often expresses gratitude that I am so empathetic and understanding.
My problem is that we’re so close we do everything together, which is normally awesome, except when it comes to going out. She despises going out to straight clubs and bars because of the way people view her. I completely understand. There’s this air of toxic straight male masculinity that permeates the air and she feels like she’s constantly holding her breath wondering which guy it’s going to be that insults her, assaults her or both.
It’s happened to her before which makes this all the more real.
Being a cis gendered female, I never had to think of this before, however as an African American I totally know what it feels like to feel unsafe and feeling alone in that unsafely (another reason why we get along so well).
Sometimes we go to gay bars but she’s not a huge fan of those either. She prefers to chill at home or go on adventures just the two of us.
The big problem came up last weekend when I wanted to go out with our other female friend. I felt really awkward because I know how Stace feels about these spaces and 1) i didn’t want to make her uncomfortable by asking her to go and 2) quite honestly, I didn’t want to deal with her anxiety driven vibes as I had a good time.
It’s horrible I know. I felt so bad. But I just wanted to get out there and go dancing and drinking like I had loved to do in college. We live far from town so planing a weekend out requires a hotel. My other gf was down but that meant leaving Stace alone.
It all came to ahead and Stace blew up at me for planning the trip into town without her. She called me out for excluding her because she’s transgender. I had told her about my plans initially and she expressed obvious distain so I let it go. She said a real friend would never want to go somewhere her best friend wasn’t welcome. It’s true. Straight Clubs can be really toxic places for the trans community. There’s honestly no denying the fact that Stace would be unsafe going out, even if not that time. At some point. Please don’t argue with me on this. If you haven’t experienced it, you’re probably aren’t trans, nor do you live in my city.
It made me feel like poo poo because I would be pissed if my best friends insisted on going to say, a racist confederate bar every weekend knowing I was unwelcome (extreme example). Even then I could always go to another non racist bar, but Stace doesn’t feel comfortable going to any straight bar and isn’t about to go to the one seedy gay bar in town by herself just because her friends ditched her.
I feel so conflicted because I want to be an 100% genuine friend. She apologized for blowing up at me but just seemed really sad by the situation. She said of course I could do whatever I want and that she never wants to be a controlling person, but that my actions hit a real insecurity and sore spot she hasn’t felt in a long time.
What do I do? Does being a good friend mean never going to straight bars again? I know they aren’t inherently evil places, but all it takes is one drunk rear end in a top hat (and there’s a lot of them in one spot) to ruin a night and put her at danger. I also think the fact that she can’t comfortably approach men like I can upsets her which is also totally understandable. I just have this cis gendered privilege that I’ve never really had to confront until now.
9/10 times I can leave the club with any man of my choice and have a blast without thinking twice about it.
9/10 times Stace is scared af to make eye contact with, or god forbid kiss, the wrong dude who realizes she’s transgender “too late” and terrorizes her or worse.
Looking for clarity on this situation. If not going to straight bars is what I have to do to be an ally and true friend, I guess I’ll do it. It’ll just suck...bad haha.
Tdlr; My best friend is transgender and treats me like a biggot for wanting to go out and party at “straight” clubs and bars.
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May 9, 2018 09:10
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- Darkrenown
- Jul 18, 2012
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please give me anything to talk about besides the fact that democrats are allowing millions of americans to be evicted from their homes
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My wife [34f] and I [36m] are having a fundamental disagreement about religion because our son [6] wants to go to Mass
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May 9, 2018 09:20
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 13, 2024 22:10
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May 8, 2018 19:43
Cat Army 
