/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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FAGGY CLAUSE: Apr 9, 2011; by FactsAreUseless

Violence just hits people differently. Some people are just going to struggle with it, no matter how they thought they might be able to deal with it beforehand. Could still be a weakling I guess, but I've been around a lot of violence and I'd probably take some time to consider my wife in a new light if I watched her cave some homeless ladies face in with a bottle of hot sauce.

# ? May 27, 2018 22:58

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# ? May 14, 2024 13:49

Barudak: May 7, 2007

If your re-evaluation isnt �I need to increase the number of children we produce together� you dont deserve a woman like that

# ? May 27, 2018 22:59

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

La Brea Carpet posted:

My (29m) girlfriend (26f) beat another girl up and I can't see her the same way.

What a weiner.

"Hi Reddit, I used to see my girlfriend as culturally white but now that she relived some of her childhood trauma during a violent incident with a stranger I just don't know if I can ever see her the same again."

# ? May 27, 2018 23:24

Nightgull: Jan 22, 2018; TOTALLY NOT A CONSERVATIVE
or a fucking nazi

My Imaginary GF posted:

"Hi Reddit, I used to see my girlfriend as culturally white but now that she relived some of her childhood trauma during a violent incident with a stranger I just don't know if I can ever see her the same again."

Yup this is it. My racist alarm went off when he started talking about how she doesn�t have an accent and was behaving as a �perfect lady�.

# ? May 27, 2018 23:39

HIJK: Nov 25, 2012; in the room where you sleep

La Brea Carpet posted:

My (29m) girlfriend (26f) beat another girl up and I can't see her the same way.

What a weiner.

The fault clearly lies with the lady who attacked his girlfriend, I don't see what this dude's problem is.

This reminds me of the post from pages and pages ago where another dude was terrified of his girlfriend after she laid out another guy who tried to attack her while they were walking to their car from a party. Imagine dating a woman who defends herself against violence and your reaction is "but what about how I feel??? [emasculated]"

# ? May 27, 2018 23:42

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

If you feel traumatised after someone defends themself with an appropriate level of force you should go ask your mommy to change your daipey and lay down with a binky.

# ? May 27, 2018 23:49

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

FAGGY CLAUSE posted:

Violence just hits people differently. Some people are just going to struggle with it, no matter how they thought they might be able to deal with it beforehand. Could still be a weakling I guess, but I've been around a lot of violence and I'd probably take some time to consider my wife in a new light if I watched her cave some homeless ladies face in with a bottle of hot sauce.

The only correct emotional response in this situation is to get so hard that your dick bursts out of your pants sending the button and zipper flying like shrapnel and then immediately boning your warrior queen on the corpse of your fallen enemy.

# ? May 27, 2018 23:54

big dyke energy: Jul 29, 2006; Football? Yaaaay

HIJK posted:

The fault clearly lies with the lady who attacked his girlfriend, I don't see what this dude's problem is.

This reminds me of the post from pages and pages ago where another dude was terrified of his girlfriend after she laid out another guy who tried to attack her while they were walking to their car from a party. Imagine dating a woman who defends herself against violence and your reaction is "but what about how I feel??? [emasculated]"

It wasn't just 'a dude', either, it was a dude who already had loving rape convictions.

And her boyfriend still felt bad for him

# ? May 27, 2018 23:58

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Magikarpal Tunnel posted:

It wasn't just 'a dude', either, it was a dude who already had loving rape convictions.

And her boyfriend still felt bad for him

The boyfriend could see himself in the guy's shoes, because he could see himself raping someone in the future.

# ? May 28, 2018 00:05

SpazmasterX: Jul 13, 2006; Wrong about everything XIV related
~fartz~

Haifisch posted:

My(22M) family doesn't believe I'm gay

Sorry dude, everyone knows this family has a limit of one gay child.

The parents are narcissists and while one child being gay makes them so progressive among all their friends, two children being gay can be considered a failure to create "normal" children.

# ? May 28, 2018 00:15

TheKennedys: Sep 23, 2006; By my hand, I will take you from this godforsaken internet

I'm from Texas and live in a town with a base demographic fifteen years younger than me (townie in a college town), it's hard not to call everyone "honey".

Luckily nobody ever really seems to mind because it's Texas and middle-aged moms just kinda do that.

# ? May 28, 2018 00:33

Barudak: May 7, 2007

SpazmasterX posted:

The parents are narcissists and while one child being gay makes them so progressive among all their friends, two children being gay can be considered a failure to create "normal" children.

While this is the most likely answer, lets all take a moment to just workshop some 30 minute sitcom plots to explain why he thinks hes gay.

Ill start, he needs new glasses and has not realized his boyfriend is a woman since everyone only ever refers to her by her name Lesley

# ? May 28, 2018 00:35

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Lol remember the one that was a masculine lesbian who realized her very christian waiting-for-marriage girlfriend thought she was male after two years?? Wish we had a followup.

# ? May 28, 2018 00:42

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Lol remember the one that was a masculine lesbian who realized her very christian waiting-for-marriage girlfriend thought she was male after two years?? Wish we had a followup.

I would like to read this one if anyone has a link or copy because lol

I once mistook a woman for a man in a job training session and didn't figure it out for like 2 hours and then ten minutes conversing with them after the class. But how do you do that for two years???

# ? May 28, 2018 00:47

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

cumshitter posted:

I would like to read this one if anyone has a link or copy because lol

I once mistook a woman for a man in a job training session and didn't figure it out for like 2 hours and then ten minutes conversing with them after the class. But how do you do that for two years???

You don't. It's a thing that didn't happen, or "lie."

# ? May 28, 2018 01:02

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:

You don't. It's a thing that didn't happen, or "lie."

A tall tale, if you will.

# ? May 28, 2018 01:09

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Known Lecher posted:

....except they're both part of the well-worn Southeast Asia backpacker trail and visited by hundreds, if not thousands, of solo female travelers of her age every year? I mean, there are places where it would be a bad idea for a woman to be traveling alone by herself, but those two certainly aren't it.

Also, the only source for it being dangerous is her biomom, who herself left Country X as a very young child and is possibly basing her judgement on that time period. Like, yeah, it would have been pretty dangerous for a woman (any woman) to be on her own in Cambodia in the 80s. Now? A lot less so.

Oddly enough, some ladies might just not be cool traveling on their own because not only can we be assaulted, but we're blamed for being alone if it happens.

And some people just wouldn't like traveling alone anyway. Welcome to a place where you don't speak the language, enjoy being alone and confused.

LadyPictureShow posted:

Well poo poo; I�ve been doing things wrong the whole time!

Thanks sweeties!

"Dude" works, too.

Midnight Voyager fucked around with this message at 01:24 on May 28, 2018

# ? May 28, 2018 01:20

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:

You don't. It's a thing that didn't happen, or "lie."

Yeah I figured. It's more fun to pretend the better written lies are true though. Assuming it's done well.

# ? May 28, 2018 01:31

Jimbozig: Sep 30, 2003; I like sharing and ice cream and animals.

cumshitter posted:

Yeah I figured. It's more fun to pretend the better written lies are true though. Assuming it's done well.

This exactly. I know that nobody could actually do that for so long, but I want to read a post that makes me believe it could happen, just for a few minutes.

# ? May 28, 2018 01:55

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

My (30F) friend (31F) hasn't lived a full adult life and is getting reliant on me in overcoming this. I don't want to do this for her.

quote:

My friend Cath struggles with anxiety and other issues from a troubled home. She still shares a room with her mother, despite living in a wealthy family home, and gives her mother half of her paycheck. Her mother has conditioned Cath to believe that she owes her mother for life, because her mother is estranged from the rest of her family.

Cath has never dated or had a boyfriend, and routinely falls for male acquaintances who are friendly with her. She misunderstands their friendliness (e.g. thinks that one-on-one conversations or dinners indicate romantic interest) and gets angry when they inevitably end up dating other people. This has soured at least two relationships in our friend circle, when the guy tells someone else that Cath has been behaving oddly (e.g. asking him several invasive questions everyday for weeks even after being let down gently and not receiving replies).

Honestly aside from all this, Cath is the nicest, most intelligent, funniest person I know. She has a gentle, kind soul and an inquisitive mind. It's when she's dealing with her own issues that she suddenly regresses and becomes very stubborn and child-like in her insistence that her way is best.

I found out most of this quite recently, despite knowing Cath for half our lives. I too come from an abusive home but have gone to therapy for a decade now and learnt to set boundaries with my family. I'm quite unrelenting and determined to live my life for myself, and have shared my experiences with Cath.

Recently Cath has decided that she wants to shuck off her family and become independent. She's pursuing post-grad studies to try and work on her career for the first time, and says she wants to build boundaries. She's also talking about meeting someone to date someday.

The thing is, Cath keeps trying to run her decisions by me for validation, even when she's making terrible ones. I've told her she needs therapy and even offered to pay for it, but she says it's a waste of time. She's been very rude to even the well-meaning, not-toxic, members of her family in building boundaries (she just tells them to all FO), and seeks approval from me in doing so. She insists she can't change her relationship with her mother. She refuses to accept that she mistakes friendly behaviour for romantic interest. She has even flat-out lied to us several times, saying that she isn't texting or isn't interested in the guy. She asks us questions about our own relationships and male friends, and then applies our answers to her pursuit of the guy, and gets upset when it doesn't work out. This last really angers me, but she doesn't get it.

I really do like her for her kindness and intelligence, but it's time for me to draw boundaries with her. How can I communicate to her that I don't want to validate her choices and would appreciate her being more flexible and receptive if she's going to ask me anything? I do not want to be unsupportive or to isolate her, especially as I'm the only friend in her life now. But I don't want to be her therapist or mother - she needs to grow up and make her own decisions, like we all have.

I know that she's absolutely resistant to therapy and is going to take me telling her this as a huge rejection ("So even you don't want to help me") and I'm really evaluating if this is worth risking the friendship dying.

TL;DR: Friend has had a very stunted life, is seeking validation now in how she tries to break out of it but won't accept feedback. I want to tell her I can't do this for her.

# ? May 28, 2018 02:03

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

Haifisch posted:

My (30F) friend (31F) hasn't lived a full adult life and is getting reliant on me in overcoming this. I don't want to do this for her.

quote:

Cath has never dated or had a boyfriend, and routinely falls for male acquaintances who are friendly with her. She misunderstands their friendliness (e.g. thinks that one-on-one conversations or dinners indicate romantic interest) and gets angry when they inevitably end up dating other people.

A female Nice Guy! :randpop:

# ? May 28, 2018 02:21

Bamabalacha: Sep 18, 2006; Outta my way, ya dumb rah-rah!

Esoteric Scientist posted:

My [21F] boyfriend of 2 years� [21M] parents [50s] are obsessed with their family teddy bear

The thread for this one had waaaaaaay too many people defending the bear obsessed mom.

# ? May 28, 2018 03:19

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Bamabalacha posted:

The thread for this one had waaaaaaay too many people defending the bear obsessed mom.

Lie to me and say they dont understand how hosed up it is and think shes doing it for her instachannel

# ? May 28, 2018 03:27

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

Haifisch posted:

My (30F) friend (31F) hasn't lived a full adult life and is getting reliant on me in overcoming this. I don't want to do this for her.

Oftentimes, individuals in abusive relationships - whether it be with a SO, family, or someone else in their life - have difficulty acknowledging the toxic nature of the relationship. Acknowledgement often challenges an individual's sense of self and self-worth, which are likely inadequate or poorly formed. Some thoughts may include 'If it was/is abuse, its my fault for not recognizing it sooner' or 'If I changed who I am, I wouldn't be treated like this.'

If you want a friend to develop a sense of self, without providing them with emotional validation, I find sharing the good book with them quite useful. Either you'll annoy them enough that they quit dumping their baggage on you, or they find religion and form a slightly-annoying yet toleravle personality around their faith.

# ? May 28, 2018 03:30

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Bobby Digital posted:

A female Nice Guy!

you manwhores will never meet a girl like me again!

# ? May 28, 2018 03:46

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

Magikarpal Tunnel posted:

It wasn't just 'a dude', either, it was a dude who already had loving rape convictions.

And her boyfriend still felt bad for him

if some thread loremaster has a link to that post i'd like to see it

# ? May 28, 2018 03:54

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

I feel super bad for the gay kid who can't convince his parents. I'm sure it's because they want grandkids or something and after accepted gay older brother, just simply cannot accept two gay children. Dude should talk to his brother. Or the hardcore porn idea, that works too.

# ? May 28, 2018 04:37

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Alan Smithee posted:

you manwhores will never meet a girl like me again!

They not only have a name, Gigolo, but they also have a PR director a one Mr. D. Bigelow

# ? May 28, 2018 04:40

value-brand cereal: May 2, 2008

Cross posting bc i found the sequel to Pnurtis

prefect posted:

Rosco's name is sometimes spelled with an E, which is incorrect; James Best confirmed it was spelled without an E on his website.[2] The initial "P." was added at the start of the second season and it stands for Purvis.

Purvis. Beautiful.

# ? May 28, 2018 06:49

venus de lmao: Apr 30, 2007; Call me "pixeltits"

Purvis is at least a real name. More commonly a surname, but there are a couple recorded instances of it being used as a given name.

Pnurtis is just... something that apparently came from this very thread but sounds like a Wayne Gretzky name.

# ? May 28, 2018 10:18

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Bobby Digital posted:

A female Nice Guy!

I do hear these actually exist, and tend to be... yeah, pretty much as bad as you'd expect.

# ? May 28, 2018 13:23

Darkrenown: Jul 18, 2012; please give me anything to talk about besides the fact that democrats are allowing millions of americans to be evicted from their homes

Motronic posted:

Also, on the honey thing........"hon" and "honey" are really common Philly regional. When I've been away for too long it's awesome to get a "thanks hon" at the wawa on the way home from the airport (and if you know what wawa is you know what I'm talking about.....they won't even put automatic door openers on the stores because they want people to hold the doors for each other and it's awesome).

There was an episode of Kitchen Nightmares where the owner of "Hon cafe" trademarked "Hon" and tried to stop anyone else using it. In a show about stupid people being stupid that still stands out as especially so.

# ? May 28, 2018 14:43

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Once at a liquor store the cashier called me "papi", I liked that one

# ? May 28, 2018 14:46

Mak0rz: Aug 2, 2008; 😎🐗🚬

Bobby Digital posted:

A female Nice Guy!

I know someone who was convinced that a middle aged married dude was really into her because they shared jokes sometimes and he'd like her Facebook posts a lot so of course she fell in love with him and would brainstorm how to make it work with his wife and teenage kids around all the time.

She was like 25 at the time.

# ? May 28, 2018 15:12

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

Darkrenown posted:

There was an episode of Kitchen Nightmares where the owner of "Hon cafe" trademarked "Hon" and tried to stop anyone else using it. In a show about stupid people being stupid that still stands out as especially so.

Hon hon hon hon hon

My [26F] boyfriend [28M] and I got into an embarrassing argument(?) at a restaurant and it devolved into an awkward fight and (kind of) prejudiced name calling. How do I fix this?

quote:

u/Lashesandcats

I have been dating my boyfriend for just over a year, and in his defense he has been very patient with my awful financial situation which has been going on from February-End of April. (Unexpected vet bills and such, but my kitten ended up surviving so all worth it in my mind!)

Anyways. Today I had the day off, and so did my boyfriend, it doesn’t happen very often so I was very excited. We had plans to make breakfast together and then he was going golfing with his friend. I was invited (of course) but since I work at this golf course and it was windy I chose to stay home and play video games (which I greatly enjoyed so no hard feelings there really). He ended up getting up later than expected and no longer wished to do breakfast together. Disappointing, but not a huge deal.

He returns from golf 5 hours later, and I had wanted to go for drinks and appies at a fancier restaurant. He brought his friend along and we enjoyed our appies, drinks, and an ice cream sundae. When it came time for the bill, I told the waitress to put the appies and dessert on my bill, I thought it would be a nice surprise and a kind gesture.

Instead, it blew up in my face. He put me down in front of the waitress and embarrassed me (not in a super rude way but enough that I was embarrassed and felt slightly humiliated). I decided to try and save face (grace under pressure and all that) and just paid for our whole bill even though it was slightly out of my budget. It was awkward and other than a “thankyou” at the dinner table from him we didn’t speak the whole ride home.

I ended up telling him I felt unwell and went to bed and fell asleep for a few hours. I woke up and still felt upset so I called my friend and vented to them about what happened and how I was frustrated and upset about

a) how I was treated in front of the waitress

b) that we always have to sit near a tv so he can watch sports and

c) that he never seems to want to spend time with me (I’m always more than welcome to tag along with him and his friends but he never wants to do any of my suggestions, ie: go for a walk, etc. Which I guess in all fairness are kind of lame suggestions.) basically just venting that I wished I was slightly higher in his priority list. He’s a huge sports fan and enjoys playing and watching so I often have to take a backseat, which is mostly fine. I know how hard he works and I think he deserves to have fun, it just would be nice if even one day a month we could do my suggestion. Or some other compromise.

Well unfortunately he ended up hearing me talking to my friend and was understandably upset. I told him I stood by what I said, as I hadn’t called him down or bashed him in any way. (ie: called him a piece of poo poo or a lovely boyfriend) I was just venting to my friend about how he made me feel. Obviously now I feel worse because him overhearing this wasn’t part of my plan, I just wanted to feel better and get some compassion or perhaps a different perspective or something. I guess honestly I shouldn’t have talked about it at all.

He ended up getting really mad, called me a r*tard and childish, and said that grown ups don’t split the bill, and they don’t offer to pay for anything unless they can pay for all of it (which I did anyways).

I understand that he is upset, I would honestly be hurt and upset too if I heard him venting to his friend about something I did that made him feel lovely. Unfortunately, he didn’t hear the first part of the conversation that I had prefaced with “Friend, I need your help. I’m not sure if I’m just cranky and PMSing (sorry if that’s TMI Reddit) or if I have a valid reason to be upset.

I guess what I’m asking is:

A) how should I handle this situation going forward? I obviously was planning on bringing up my hurt feelings once I had hashed everything out with my bff but now I feel terrible that he overheard me, I know it must have been upsetting to hear (no matter how nicely it’s put no one wants to hear that they made someone unhappy); but at the same time I’d like to stand my ground because I feel like my reasons for being upset are/were valid and I didn’t say them in a nasty way.

B) what do I do about this name calling? I try very hard to control my temper and not say nasty/mean things or call him names and I’d like to receive that same respect from him. It hurts that that is what he thinks of me and it bothers me that he would call me a prejudiced term like that. (He is not at all racist or against people with disabilities so I think it was just said in anger)

I think maybe I’ll just go to my parents house for a few days to cool off at least but that’s as far as I’ve gotten with any sort of plan.

Additional/Unrelated question:

C) waiters/waitresses of reddit: is it actually difficult to split up a bill? If it is I’m definitely mature enough to apologize to him and admit I was wrong. I have never worked at a fancy restaurant (any restaurant actually) so I honestly have no idea. I just thought there was a button for her to just push and she could just choose what dishes to add to whatever bill.

Thank you for reading and for any advice, different perspectives, or suggestions. I know this is a tame post compared to most other stuff on here, and I apologize for the length I was attempting to be thorough.

TL;DR: I tried to pay for 60-70% of the dinner bill as a thoughtful gesture after a rough financial period of 3ish months, my boyfriend got really mad. I vented to my friend about it (in a non rude way) and my boyfriend overheard and called me a r*tard and childish and told me I shouldn’t bother trying to pay unless I can pay for the whole thing. Advice or suggestions on how to handle this situation?

(Apologies I am on mobile and this is only my second post on reddit!)

Grownups don't split the bill? What

# ? May 28, 2018 15:47

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

for repeatedly saying appies

# ? May 28, 2018 15:48

Edmund Sparkler: Jul 4, 2003; For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are peris