/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Haifisch posted:

If you win the lottery, the correct move is 'tell no one(except for your spouse, but make sure they're also not going to tell anyone else) and don't go on a conspicuous consumption spree'.

As a bonus, the estate fight will be extra hilarious when you die. "Grandpa Salty Josh had how much money? "

Also hire an attorney to claim the prize for you.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 04:55

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# ? May 30, 2024 21:17

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Title's funnier than the entire story, but have the whole thing anyway:

Employee is soliciting customers to buy mozzarella from her

quote:

I manage our family-owned retail farm store and have two employees. One is our full-time butcher and the other is my daughter�s best friend, Jess, who has been working for me for six years.

I make homemade mozzarella in the store and taught Jess how to make it for our customers. For years I also made mozzarella as my own little side business � just selling exclusively to one customer (a local farmer in our area who owns several farm stands). I passed this little side business along to my daughter when she was living here. When she moved away and Jess started to work for me, I offered the side mozzarella business to Jess. She was happy to take it on.

The problem now is that Jess solicits her mozzarella making to customers coming into our store. For example, on a day I was not at the store, a local restaurant owner came in and said he needed 30 balls of mozzarella. Jess suggested that she would make it for him and he would do business with her and pay her.

When I learned of this I spoke with Jess and tried to explain to her that she cannot solicit business for herself and that the farmer was the ONLY person she can personally made mozzarella for. She was not happy and proceeded to argue with me. I explained that the little �side business� I passed along to her was a privilege and was strictly only to be made for the farmer.

I understand that I have opened up a can of worms and I don�t know the proper way to deal with this issue. It is an ongoing problem and because she is my daughter�s best friend and I have known her since she was eight years old (she�s 25 now) it makes the situation very hard to deal with.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 05:02

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Hellblazer187 posted:

From the department of judgy insecure assholes, or what happens when an incel finally gets laid.

Am I (27M) overreacting with this girl (27F) admitting to have had unprotected sex in the recent past?

Wow, what?! �I had unprotected sex with a woman, her STD screen was clean, but she had unprotected sex with guys before getting the all clear. How disgusting!

This man had no business ever having sex.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 05:07

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Haifisch posted:

Title's funnier than the entire story, but have the whole thing anyway:

Employee is soliciting customers to buy mozzarella from her

Take that poo poo up with Judge Judy!

# ? Jun 2, 2018 05:27

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

LadyPictureShow posted:

Wow, what?! �I had unprotected sex with a woman, her STD screen was clean, but she had unprotected sex with guys before getting the all clear. How disgusting!

This man had no business ever having sex.

He's going to have unprotected sex with someone, get an STD and blame that filthy slut with zero self awareness.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 05:43

I Was The Fury: Oct 19, 2012; Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

Haifisch posted:

Title's funnier than the entire story, but have the whole thing anyway:

Employee is soliciting customers to buy mozzarella from her

Lmao should have made her sign a non-compete contract and an NDA and registered your lovely cheese as IP belonging to only you, dumbass

"Oh no someone I employ might make money that I'm not giving her" gently caress off capitalist

E: what I mean to say is that if you aren't going to exploit the rules of late stage capitalism then you don't get to whine when someone else beats you at it

# ? Jun 2, 2018 06:05

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

I Was The Fury posted:

Lmao should have made her sign a non-compete contract and an NDA and registered your lovely cheese as IP belonging to only you, dumbass

"Oh no someone I employ might make money that I'm not giving her" gently caress off capitalist

E: what I mean to say is that if you aren't going to exploit the rules of late stage capitalism then you don't get to whine when someone else beats you at it

Maybe my irony centers are off but i feel like the nepotism hire is probably in the wrong here.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 06:23

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Like if you're the one going "you probably should have gotten lawyers before you helped me out if you didn't want me to exploit your good will", the bad person may be you.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 06:25

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

If you're not the mob, don't work with or for family.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 06:26

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

I Was The Fury posted:

Lmao should have made her sign a non-compete contract and an NDA and registered your lovely cheese as IP belonging to only you, dumbass

"Oh no someone I employ might make money that I'm not giving her" gently caress off capitalist

E: what I mean to say is that if you aren't going to exploit the rules of late stage capitalism then you don't get to whine when someone else beats you at it

Hold on for a minute while I get wound up over the idea of a person who says late stage capitalism, citing that as an actual reason for anything real at all, offering advice.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 06:34

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

If the main business is her own, why did she ever make the side business in the first place, and why did she pass it on to someone else? The whole thing is a problem of her own making.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 06:55

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Why do so many employees feel that work is a place for comedy and hilarious gags? I would fire every prankster in all those stories, even the car idiots

lol I hope some day that cashier job at Taco Bell gets you moved up so that you can put these great management ideas into action.

Can't wait to hear about how you're getting sued because you fired an employee for the egregious offense of parking next to another employee's car

# ? Jun 2, 2018 08:00

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

My [24 F] boyfriend [37 M] was upset by how I reacted to the idea of possibly being pregnant.

quote:

well into the day. I couldn't keep food or water down, and I eventually realized I ought to go to urgent care because I was becoming dehydrated and lightheaded.

I called my boyfriend Harry, asking him if he could drive me to the clinic, because I thought it would be unsafe to drive myself, and he came to get me.

He asked what was wrong on the drive, and I said "I've got no idea, maybe a stomach bug, maybe I ate something funny?"

He said "Maybe morning sickness"

I joked "Oh god no, don't say that, you're going to make me sick again."

He asked if I was really going to be sick, and I said "No, it was a joke."

He started saying how it was a kinda immature joke, how lovely it was that I'd react by saying "I'm gonna be sick" at the idea of pregnancy, etc.

I tried to explain myself, saying we hadn't been planning on pregnancy, and having an unexpected pregnancy would actually probably make me sick from stress

He said then that it would be funny if I was actually pregnant. I was just sitting there thinking WTF at this point.

We got to the clinic, and the doctor gave me a pregnancy test just in case. I wasn't pregnant. I got an IV and some meds. I told Harry to go, I would be able to make my own way home on the bus after I'd gotten my fluids back up, and the nausea had subsided.

I'm super weirded out by how Harry acted in the car. I was being honest, a pregnancy at this point in my life would be devistating to my career goals, and financial and life goals, and he knows how important my career is to me.

Tldr - My boyfriend acted really weird when I got sick and my symptoms resembled morning sickness.,

Absolutely DO NOT have a child with this man!

# ? Jun 2, 2018 08:01

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Definitely hope she has an IUD because at least she'd wake up when Harry sabotages it

# ? Jun 2, 2018 08:22

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Anne Whateley posted:

Definitely hope she has an IUD because at least she'd wake up when Harry sabotages it

Even better, set up a doll with an IED.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 08:32

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Haifisch posted:

Title's funnier than the entire story, but have the whole thing anyway:

Employee is soliciting customers to buy mozzarella from her

I'm really not getting this guy's problem. I get that he feels he has a reason, I just can't buy into it. Also sounds like it's too late anyway and gently caress why not make money?

# ? Jun 2, 2018 09:39

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

LethalGeek posted:

I'm really not getting this guy's problem. I get that he feels he has a reason, I just can't buy into it. Also sounds like it's too late anyway and gently caress why not make money?

They (post doesn't seem to indicate a gender) are loving the mozzarella buyer maybe?

# ? Jun 2, 2018 14:19

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

Wait, they trained her and showed her their methods, and now she's sniping customers from this person's store? like customers come in for orders for the OP and then Jess takes them and gets paid instead?

Yeah dude that's a dick move

# ? Jun 2, 2018 14:54

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

There's really not enough info to understand the situation. Why is this mozzarella side business ONLY allowed to be sold back to one single farmer in the first place? Maybe there's a very good reason that's the way that it is, or maybe the owner is just insane?

I guess it's that the farm shop has a relationship with this farmer and sells exclusively for this person to sell at their market stand or whatever, and selling it in the shop is undermining them. Like, maybe they source the milk and rennet from this farmer or something.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 15:06

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Jeza posted:

There's really not enough info to understand the situation. Why is this mozzarella side business ONLY allowed to be sold back to one single farmer in the first place? Maybe there's a very good reason that's the way that it is, or maybe the owner is just insane?

I guess it's that the farm shop has a relationship with this farmer and sells exclusively for this person to sell at their market stand or whatever, and selling it in the shop is undermining them. Like, maybe they source the milk and rennet from this farmer or something.

�Hi welcome to family farm store... You want to buy our cheese? Well I could sell you our cheese, or you could come by behind the store and buy MY cheese so my boss doesn�t get any of the money...�. Read the post again she�s working the store and redirecting customers coming into the store to her own side business.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 15:13

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Oh right. It's still weird that a farm shop that makes and sells mozzarella would term making mozzarella for one specific person as a side business that can be handed over from person to person. Wouldn't that just be normal shop...business?

# ? Jun 2, 2018 15:34

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

I think Jess should be able to sell the mozz to other people as long as she doesn't solicit from store clients. Like, her going out with samples to restaurants the next town over or something. Pay store owner a token royalty. I hope someone on reddit suggests that.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 15:38

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Jeza posted:

Oh right. It's still weird that a farm shop that makes and sells mozzarella would term making mozzarella for one specific person as a side business that can be handed over from person to person. Wouldn't that just be normal shop...business?

It sounds like that one farmer is buying it in bulk to resell while the other customers are just people who want one thing of mozzarella for dinner.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 15:40

HazCat: May 4, 2009

Jeza posted:

Oh right. It's still weird that a farm shop that makes and sells mozzarella would term making mozzarella for one specific person as a side business that can be handed over from person to person. Wouldn't that just be normal shop...business?

OP had a nice thing going where she (and her daughter) were getting money directly from one of the store's biggest customers, and now the OP is pissed that Jess has got the same scam going. I bet the OP was demanding money from any cheese Jess sold to the farmer (hence all the bullshit about it being a 'side business' the OP had some claim to) but wasn't (and hadn't been) passing any of the farmer's money back to the business.

OP is very coy about who actually owns the business. They're the boss, but did they actually bankroll it, or are they paying family back for a loan (and thus have an incentive to hide earnings with weird under the table direct sales)?

Anne Whateley posted:

It sounds like that one farmer is buying it in bulk to resell while the other customers are just people who want one thing of mozzarella for dinner.

Nah, Jess's customer was a restaurateur who wanted 30 balls and would almost certainly become a regular if the cheese is any good.

HazCat fucked around with this message at 15:44 on Jun 2, 2018

# ? Jun 2, 2018 15:41

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

*opens disgusting trenchcoat stuffed with sweating mozzarella*

hey kid, you want the good stuff? puuuuure di bufala

# ? Jun 2, 2018 16:00

Nightgull: Jan 22, 2018; TOTALLY NOT A CONSERVATIVE
or a fucking nazi

Has this been posted? Because it�s amazing.

My [43 F] husband [46 M] doesn't like my daughter's [17 F] boyfriend [17 M] because he's black.

quote:

In the past few months our daughter started dating a boy names Kenton. The odd things is that my husband actually liked him initially (before they started dating) Kenton was in my daughter's group for both history and english projects and spent many hours working on the projects at are house. He was always nice and respectful and seemed like a very hard worker.

However this all changed once they started "dating" My husband suddenly started to dislike him for many random reasons. He hated how he always wore gym shorts and running shoes around the place. He hated how he played basketball all the time (He is on a club basketball team and plays basketball for the school and seems to really love the sport) and he hated how he listened rap music and said he was encouraging our daughter to listen to it (Our daughter downloaded a lot of rap music on her phone that he apparently introduced to her. ). These were the "reasons" he claimed. I think this is all ridiculous. The boy is in all honors and AP classes, has similar graded to our daughter, is in student council and other school activities and is an athlete for the school. He seems like a good guy. Who cares if he listens to rap? I don't really care for that music but most kids do!

Things in our house have gotten very tense due to this. My daughter refuses to break things off with Kenton and I think has become closer to him almost to spite her dad. When his name is brought up he occasionally makes a snide remark which usually results in a yelling match between the to. Last week my husband made some remark about his hair and my daughter ended up calling him a "racist rear end in a top hat excuse for a father and how his views should die off" Obviously, this angered my husband and he first denied being racist said he just didn't like Kenton and called her disrespectful an grounded her for 2 weeks . He then accused Kenton of teaching her to be disrespectful to her parents and saying she has to break up with him. This boy has been nothing but respectful and kind whenever w've seen him even when my husband has been rude to his face so I don't really know where he gets this idea from.

I eventually talked to my husband and forced him to explain what his problem with Kenton was. He then admitted after much probing. That he "never thought our daughter was the type to date black men" and thought she had more "class than that." He talked about how interracial relationships never are god for the white woman or kids. (They are 17 for goodness sake) and that he wants what's best for our daughter. He said how he regrets letting her go to a public school He said that she's beautiful and could date anyone and that a lot of "nice guys" probably wouldn't want to date someone who's dated a black man (really?) and that he didn't want "his culture" to negatively influence her. (This is a boy with a unweighted 3.8 GPA)

So I was actually shocked that he blatantly told me he was racist. I never really knew he was racist, believe it or not. Our daughter had a black friend she was close to as a child who came to our house for play dates occasionally and my husband never said anything negative about her or her family. (They are still friends but not as close) My husband has black co workers who he has never really said anything racist about. Sure he has made a few "racist non-PC jokes" and off color comments about black people that I didn't like at times, but those are common in the South to be honest.

Now he is telling me to encourage our daughter to break up with Kenton and accused me of taking sides and causing division in the household but I refuse to. I'm not going to teach my daughter to be racist or think that she's above certain people because she's white. I don't want her to turn against me like she has to her father. And I don't want Kenton to find out that the reason my husband doesn't like him is because of racism since he is a perfectly nice boy who did nothing wrong. I mean the relationship might not last but I don't want to be encouraging racist ideas. So my husband and I are not really talking much at the moment.

So our house right now is very stressful and divided. It's affecting my younger kids as well and I just don't know what to do. My daughter refuses to talk to her father and of course won't stop talking to Kenton. (I don't think he's aware of what's been going on) My husband is mad at both our daughter and me. I'm not sure what to do anymore. There's is so much negative energy in the house.

What should I do, redditors?

My husband is an unapologetic racist. WHAT DO

# ? Jun 2, 2018 17:41

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

Nightgull posted:

Has this been posted? Because it�s amazing.

My [43 F] husband [46 M] doesn't like my daughter's [17 F] boyfriend [17 M] because he's black.

My husband is an unapologetic racist. WHAT DO

quote:

(I don't think he's aware of what's been going on)

Kenton knows, lady. Even if a black 17 year old in the south is somehow blind to racism, your daughter obviously knows and there's no way she hasn't vented to him about it.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 17:54

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Looks like that's an old one. Are there any updates? Does she divorce and/or murder the racist husband?

# ? Jun 2, 2018 17:55

Nightgull: Jan 22, 2018; TOTALLY NOT A CONSERVATIVE
or a fucking nazi

Hellblazer187 posted:

Looks like that's an old one. Are there any updates? Does she divorce and/or murder the racist husband?

Unfortunately, probably not. Her last post was a year ago asking how she could convince her daughter not to go to the same college as her boyfriend, who appears to be the same one that the husband dislikes FOR SOME WEIRD REASON. I agree with the mom that basing your college decision on where your high school bf is going is a bad idea, but good god this woman is dumb

quote:

My husband has never really l iked her boyfriend (for admittedly silly reasons) so he is pretty annoyed by it

Teehee, silly reasons like racism.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 18:12

Nightgull: Jan 22, 2018; TOTALLY NOT A CONSERVATIVE
or a fucking nazi

quote:

Her boyfriend has good grades. She's applying to more out of state schools because her boyfriend hates Alabama.

Gee I wonder why

# ? Jun 2, 2018 18:15

LimburgLimbo: Feb 10, 2008

My [31 M] Wife [31 F] told me she regrets marrying me a day after wedding.

quote:

I've been engaged for a year and a half, we finally got married last Sunday. A few days before the wedding, I tried to talk to her about how I felt she was being distant. I figured she was stressed about the upcoming wedding and wanted to ease any tension. I tried to tell her something like... "Don't stress about making the wedding perfect, I love you very much, and just being able to share this day with you makes it perfect for me... let's have more sex". It did not go as planned, I blew up in a heated argument, what I wanted to say ended up being "I could not care less about the wedding" and I know I hurt her feelings deeply. I apologized the next day and tried to clear the misunderstanding. I felt we were okay.

The day of the wedding comes, everything goes smoothly in my opinion until we get back to the hotel. Again, little to no intimacy. I asked her about it the next day, and she tells me that she regrets marrying me and only did it because of all the money we spent on it. That the fight we had a few days before left a very bad impression and she is unsure of everything.

She's remained distant, I took a week off from work after the wedding. She spent one day with her niece going for a walk. She spent memorial day weekend at her parents house. I try and talk to her about it, but I feel it's making things worse. I don't know what to do, it feels like my relationship fell apart overnight.

TL;DR; : Felt my wife has been distant, tried to talk but made things worse. Now my wife regrets marrying me.

Also his post history shows that his wife makes twice what he does and paints him Nintendo related things for gifts, so preeeeetty sure he's a manbaby

# ? Jun 2, 2018 18:18

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Hey baby lets turn this sunk cost fallacy into a sunk cost phallacy :wink:

# ? Jun 2, 2018 18:20

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

my (23f) boyfriend (30m) of 4 years loves UFC so I splurged and got him tickets to the June 9th event for his bday. He says he'd rather go on the "boys night" he's buddies planned for him that night. I'm crushed and don't know what to do.

quote:

I will try to keep this very short because I understand in the bigger picture, this isn't that big of a deal.

My boyfriends birthday is June 6th, which this year is on a Thursday and since he works swing shifts he can't go out. We've spent all birthdays together since we've been together so I assumed this year would be no different. He's a huge UFC fan and since the June 9th event it only 2 hours away I figured it would be the perfect chance to show him how much I love him and make a full weekend of it, all my treat.

I wanted it to be a surprise but yesterday he started talking about how his friend Ron had a big idea to drive to NYC and spend the weekend going go strip clubs that weekend. I said I'd already made plans for us. He said almost verbatim "no offense, but I'm sure Ron knows what I want more than you do." I was crushed so I in what I thought was going to be an "oh yeah, I'll show you moment" I told him about the plan for Chicago. He said "yeah any other weekend that would be great but I think I'd rather go to New York." I asked if he was serious, he said yes. I said I probably should go and then on top of all that, he asked if I could drop his son of at his moms house since it was on my way. I just felt so used by the whole situation.

Do I insist he take me up on my plan for his birthday? Should I just swallow my pride and say it's ok to go on his boys weekend? I'm hurt that he would be so callous over what I thought was a nice gift for something he would enjoy.

tl;dr: my boyfriend of 5 years would rather hang out with his buddies going to strip clubs than going go the live UFC event I bought him tickets for. I'm very upset at his choice, it just makes me feel like a second class citizen in his life.

SURPRISE!! that guy sucks

# ? Jun 2, 2018 20:11

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

LimburgLimbo posted:

My [31 M] Wife [31 F] told me she regrets marrying me a day after wedding.

Also his post history shows that his wife makes twice what he does and paints him Nintendo related things for gifts, so preeeeetty sure he's a manbaby

That dude seems like a dumbass from his "Why are you tense, let's have more sex" solution

however, "I regret marrying you and only did it for the money we already spent" is loving lol that lady is a black hole of misery and he managed to get caught :henget:

# ? Jun 2, 2018 20:13

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Sounds like they're in time for an annulment and then they can both go off and be terrible, miserable, single people instead of a terrible, miserable couple.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 20:26

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

Ham Sandwiches posted:

my (23f) boyfriend (30m) of 4 years loves UFC so I splurged and got him tickets to the June 9th event for his bday. He says he'd rather go on the "boys night" he's buddies planned for him that night. I'm crushed and don't know what to do.

SURPRISE!! that guy sucks

dudes who think an awesome boys' night out is a strip club are trash, SURPRISE

# ? Jun 2, 2018 20:35

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

value-brand cereal posted:

Let's talk about lovely greedy families instead.

My wife [42] and I [39M] own a successful restaurant, and our relatives are always trying to shame us into hiring them/their kids to work for usPersonal issues

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4vppaa/my_wife_42_and_i_39m_own_a_successful_restaurant/

Give them jobs away from the public doing the absolute shittiest work for the shittiest pay. Take out trash. Wash dishes. Scrub bathrooms. MAKE lovely work for them if you don't have it, like hey, power wash the back of the building, just anything lovely. Make it a part-time job with hourly pay and very few hours and just split up the day between rotating them all through that lovely job so you only have to deal with one at a time. Say it's the only job you have available and you didn't want to foist it onto family, but since they were so adamant... :shrug:

# ? Jun 2, 2018 21:26

Barudak: May 7, 2007

She should still go the MMA thing cause she will find so many dudes ready to date her there that her novelty tap out t shirt will be literal

# ? Jun 2, 2018 21:26

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Hellblazer187 posted:

Sounds like they're in time for an annulment and then they can both go off and be terrible, miserable, single people instead of a terrible, miserable couple.

Nah, they are gonna have kids. That will make it better. Yeah.

# ? Jun 2, 2018 21:31

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 30, 2024 21:17

SpazmasterX: Jul 13, 2006; Wrong about everything XIV related
~fartz~

Ham Sandwiches posted:

my (23f) boyfriend (30m) of 4 years loves UFC so I splurged and got him tickets to the June 9th event for his bday. He says he'd rather go on the "boys night" he's buddies planned for him that night. I'm crushed and don't know what to do.

SURPRISE!! that guy sucks

Dude is an idiot but I'd be annoyed if someone went and bought tickets to something without discussing it with me first. Who's to say I didn't have to work that night? Maybe I had plans already in place?

# ? Jun 2, 2018 22:00

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