Shiki Dan posted:

Shiki Dan posted:

Like Shmorky except mostly not underage(??)

I really don't get it.

loquacius posted:

My theory is that these guys (or this singular guy who adamantly claims to be multiple people) were like really into Ren & Stimpy as kids

quote:

Since someone just sent in a completely bullshit "badawwws martial arts assassin" story, I'm sending in a real story. Just a warning, though: there is nothing exciting or funny about this, and some details have been changed for privacy.

In middle school and high school I studied judo and jujitsu and then transitioned into a modern technique focused on self-defense and military combat. I continued practicing through college and by the time I graduated I was volunteering at a community program as an instructor.

One day there was a new student in my class who said she was Army ROTC at the same college I attended. This may surprise some of you but the ROTC program does not put a lot of emphasis on teaching hand-to-hand fighting so she wanted some additional education. One thing led to another and I agreed to visit the old college gym once every couple of weeks to help her and her friends polish up their skills.

This went well for a year and a half and the whole thing became sort of semi-official. My friend and her circle all graduated, and it was all new cadets, that didn't know me and I didn't know them. One lesson we were going over ground fighting and this one guy started making rape jokes, about how the reason he was attending was to learn to rape women more effectively. I told him get out, never come back, and that he should walk out while he could still walk.

The next day I got a call from a perturbed Army LT or NCO or something saying that one of his cadets complained I was being unfair and threatened him. For the second time in as many days I saw red and aggressively pointed out to this officer the nature of this cadet's offense, that I could throw out anyone I wanted from my class, and that I would absolutely threaten anyone who made rape jokes in a self-defense class.

He ordered me, as my superior, to keep instructing this cadet.

I took a deep breath and calmly pointed out to the Army officer that I 1: wasn't in the Army, 2: or even a university employee, 3: was a volunteer doing this out of dedication to my art and as a favor to the ROTC program my female friend was enrolled in, 4: which is why I found rape jokes completely unacceptable, and 5: if he didn't have my back on this I would stop volunteering.

In the end he refused to try to understand my point of view so I quit. Unfortunately the regular classes I helped teach were very less convenient for students at the college, so I never saw most of them again.

I'm sorry that this isn't a good story; I am still disappointed over these events years later, but even more disappointed that many women in the Army are in more danger from their fellows than the enemy thank to guys like these.

quote:

So my confession is that I get off on reading *true* accounts of rape/murder. Well, get off isn't the right word, I get excited reading about serial killers, spree killers, etc. Picture it like watching a really good action movie. The day after the Las Vegas shooting I was in glee, the day long slow drip of gore pics and accounts and videos was just wonderful. But it's not sexual, I don't like, JO to dead bodies.

Anyways, I also like the occasional erotic story about rape/rough sex. There's a thread here in GBS that looks at /r/relationships posts, but I also read other stuff like /r/legaladvice or /r/rape or /r/sexualassault for people posting about their stories. I often pose as someone who can help: I've studied the law and psychology and I'm extremely intelligent, so it's fairly easy to pretend to be a lawyer, social worker, or psychiatrist. I message these women and ask for details of their rapes, fill in blanks. Sometimes they've posted elsewhere on Reddit and I have photos and I'll masturbate while thinking of them being beaten and hosed raw with no lube in their little assholes or forced to choke on a hard dick with a gun to their head.

Sometimes they realize what I'm trying to do, but I'm good at staying within the confine's of Reddit's rules. Sometimes I even get *them* suspended by pretending to be offended when they curse or threaten me. I say I don't want any more contact and to leave me alone, and they inevitably can't resist more curses and threats. And then I report them to the admins. Admins are terrible about nazi poo poo but if they have a clear cut "user was told to stop messaging" even one more message is enough to trigger a suspension if they're pissy enough.

I've seen women come back from suspension, cry to feminism boards about their treatment, then sent carefully worded trolls via a different username, then reported THAT and gotten them permanently suspended.

loquacius posted:

I'm not gonna stop posting content from horrible people because then I'd have no content

Should I start putting in content warnings maybe, this sounds sarcastic but I'm actually asking

yeah I eat rear end posted:

I definitely remember one with a similar premise, but the fesher actually got robbed but I could be remembering wrong.

Solice Kirsk posted:

One of my clients keeps offering me massages. Maybe I'll take her up on it sometime. I just think it would be weird. I've never had a massage that wasn't from a girlfriend.

sneakyfrog posted:

is it a massage business?

quote:

Today would have been my 5 year anniversary. Instead? I’m living in squalor, all because of my own mistakes, and I’m all alone.

My ex wife and I were both really in to kinky sex, and I enjoyed pushing our limits together. Nothing super gross, but definitely more extreme than the average couple. Melting wax, whips, chains, bondage, role play. Nothing that would freak you out too bad.

We agreed to visit a fetish club together. I had an amazing time and came home with dozens of new ideas. Unfortunately, my wife hated all of them and utterly despised our visit to the club. So we never went again as a couple.

Also unfortunately, I had opened a figurative Pandora’s box. I found dozens of people who were as kinky or kinkier than me, and I was intrigued. There was a world of pleasure, which my wife didn’t want to partake of.

I cheated. We had been married less than a year and I started having NSA sex with multiple people at the club. My tastes got weirder and weirder, regular sex with my wife began to feel trite and boring, like brushing my teeth everyday.

She found out of course. This isn’t a rare story or anything, but the fallout is the part I’m truly ashamed of.

She confronted me while I was visiting a couple I met at the club. She saw my car outside their house and entered, and at first she didn’t see me. Then she sat down on the “couch”.

The couch was actually a disguised sex machine. I was on all fours with a ball gag while a massive dildo was mechanically pounding my rear end. Clamps on my nipples were being pulled in opposite directions while a modified milking machine stroked my cock and collected the semen for later. All of this was covered by a plywood box, with cushions and upholstery covering it to look like a couch.

My wife sat down and could hear my grunting, I guess. I was suddenly greeted by the light of the living room flooding in as the box was lifted up. It was my wife.

She left without me and it took me some time to collect my things and get out of the machine. When I got home she was gone, leaving a note saying that she would be in contact shortly for the divorce to begin.

I was banned from the club - I told everyone my wife was okay with me being there and even forged her signature on a consent form.

I moved into a lovely apartment after we sold the house, and my current place is pretty loving depressing.

I have tried dating again since the divorce was finalized almost 3 years ago. But my kinks keep me from really being in to anyone on that level. And anyone I meet who’s into my kinks is usually somehow weird - bad social skills or hygiene or with some major baggage.

I’m 36, I’m kind of chubby, and I cheated on my wife. I have an okay job. This is not exactly the type of guy who’s drowning in pussy.

I get drunk a lot and try and get in contact with my ex. One time she answered the phone and told me that I was just a bad memory to her now. I stopped calling after that but still send her messages on Facebook and Twitter. I don’t know what I’m expecting to happen.

quote:

I’m a professional thief, possibly the most prolific one in the United States today.

I caught the bug as a child, stealing from grocery stores. The thrill kept me hooked, and I began using the internet to learn new thieving techniques. I soon learned all I could about security systems, locks, ventilation systems, electronic IDs, etc. I devoted myself entirely to my craft and began burgling in my late teens.

I’ve never been caught in almost 15 years. I learn everything I can as new security measures are implemented. I have ways around every imaginable ID card system, I can disable almost any security system, and I have a network of contacts to get me through almost anything else.

My #1 goal in life is to steal the Pope’s hat, and I hope to accomplish this one day.

Right now I just hit mansions, storage facilities, and government buildings. For fun and to exercise my skills, since I really only need money to finance my career.

loquacius posted:

Thread book rec: The Lies Of Locke Lamora

loquacius posted:

bad social skills or hygiene or with some major baggage.

loquacius posted:

I'd read this book

loquacius posted:

Honestly I'd try to find some kinky people and learn to tolerate a little baggage because you've got some of it yourself

But not yet really, you've got some working on yourself to do. I wouldn't try dating seriously until you're past the point where you're drunk-tweeting your ex.

(nb: I don't actually think this fesh was anything more than a vehicle for a description of the Phantom Couch Sex Machine, just responding earnestly out of habit mostly)

bob dobbs is dead posted:

You would think that it's the point that it's not valuable

Also current pope's the kinda guy who would forgive you

You should do it thief goon

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Why would you want to steal something as lame as the pope's hat? At least have some ambition and steal something that's actually valuable like the crown jewels.