/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

I [20M] have been lying to my girlfriend [39F]

quote:

So, when I met my girlfriend I was a virgin and had 0 dating experience. I lied to her because honestly, I was tired of being a virgin and wanted to experience sex. After 35 days of knowing her we finally slept together. But within that 35 days, we both "caught feelings" for one another. After another month our feelings developed more and labeled ourselves as a couple.

We have been dating for over 8 months now, and I still haven't told her. All she asked from me at the beginning of this relationship was honesty and I have been except for that.

We now have a child on the way due to be born in January. Earlier today I was thinking about how much I appreciate her being in my life. She had helped me tremendously physically(lost 62lbs) and emotionally through my troubled past.

I am starting to feel super guilty as I have not done the 1 thing she has asked of me, but now I feel it's too late.

I'm not sure what to do, any help is appreciated

TL;DR: I've lied about my dating/sexual experience and not sure what to do now. Come clean? or keep secret? terrified of her possible reactions

Oh, I'm sure she'll be devastated to find out that the 20-year-old father of her future child was a virgin and lied about it. How do you feel about being as older than your child than you are younger than your partner, though? :allears:

# ? Aug 17, 2018 03:22

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# ? May 28, 2024 02:29

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

the virgin dad and the baby chad

# ? Aug 17, 2018 03:24

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

This 39 year old's eggs were becoming unviable and she hooked up with the obvious fat virgin knowing she'd convince him to raw dog it and knock her up. That clock was ticking and the alarm was about to go off.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 03:27

Nurglings: May 6, 2016

Absurd Alhazred posted:

I [20M] have been lying to my girlfriend [39F]

Oh, I'm sure she'll be devastated to find out that the 20-year-old father of her future child was a virgin and lied about it. How do you feel about being as older than your child than you are younger than your partner, though?

Mommies gonna be 60 before the kid can drink legally

At least they'll never have to put up with MILF jokes

# ? Aug 17, 2018 03:52

MLKQUOTEMACHINE: Oct 22, 2012; Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill

but are GILF jokes any better

# ? Aug 17, 2018 03:56

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Martha Stewart Undying posted:

but are GILF jokes any better

Well, I think they're grand

# ? Aug 17, 2018 03:57

Nurglings: May 6, 2016

Martha Stewart Undying posted:

but are GILF jokes any better

she wouldn't be the child's grandmother?

granny will prob be dead by their 12th birthday tbh

# ? Aug 17, 2018 04:04

Mordiceius: Nov 10, 2007; If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

My girlfriend [24F] of 2 years gave me [26M] some nude photos as a surprise gift. But I found a friend of mine [M] took them and I feel really uncomfortable about it.

quote:

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and it's great.

Last week, out of the blue, she said she had a surprise for me. She gave me a photo album, and it was a collection of nude pictures of her, that looked like they were made professionally. She told me she did a private photoshoot because she wanted to give me a sexy surprise.

She's normally really shy so this would have been a big thing for her. It was really sexy and I really appreciated the gift.

But then I found out that it was a friend of ours (male) took them. I'm really uncomfortable that my friend has seen my girlfriend naked and has photos of her. It kind of feels like cheating, but I'm not sure.

TL;DR my gf let my friend take nude photos of her

# ? Aug 17, 2018 04:16

MLKQUOTEMACHINE: Oct 22, 2012; Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill

Nurglings posted:

she wouldn't be the child's grandmother?

granny will prob be dead by their 12th birthday tbh

gilfs, like milfs, need not actually have children. just boobs ravished by time.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 04:17

sephiRoth IRA: Jun 13, 2007; "Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

Mordiceius posted:

My girlfriend [24F] of 2 years gave me [26M] some nude photos as a surprise gift. But I found a friend of mine [M] took them and I feel really uncomfortable about it.

Friend is actually a professional photographer who has done work like this in the past: eh, probably okay

Friend is a guy with a DSLR: nope, shady as poo poo

# ? Aug 17, 2018 04:20

Mordiceius: Nov 10, 2007; If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

areyoucontagious posted:

Friend is actually a professional photographer who has done work like this in the past: eh, probably okay

Friend is a guy with a DSLR: nope, shady as poo poo

Dude apparently doesn't have an actual business I guess? But he has hella equipment and a studio room. Regardless, it saved her about $1000 because quality boudoir photo shoots are expensive as gently caress. Source: friend recently did one for her boyfriend.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 04:56

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

areyoucontagious posted:

Friend is actually a professional photographer who has done work like this in the past: eh, probably okay

Friend is a guy with a DSLR: nope, shady as poo poo

Friend is an ex-boyfriend

# ? Aug 17, 2018 05:05

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

I guess it makes sense in a ldr, but I think it's risky to even have those photos out there. With the amount of money it costs you could buy your own corset.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 05:07

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

My mother (50+) refuses to let my emotionally toxic ex-wife go, I'm M/35

quote:

I was married to a woman for about 5 years, and we were together for about 7. I left her January of last year, but really emotionally disconnected probably six months before I officially left.

We'd been through counseling, and there were many times where she said "My counselor says our counselor is only backing you up because she feels sorry for you," or variations on that sentiment. She was really mean to me, but I hesitate to say abusive. Though she would push my buttons until I had panic attacks and I constantly felt like poo poo.

My mother loves this woman, despite me telling her how this woman had hurt me repeatedly.

She dogsat for her during a holiday she knew I'd be over for dinner. When I didn't show up after I found out, she didn't apologize or acknowledge my pain.

She invited her to my grandfather's funeral and to sit shiva with us, even though she's not family. I was nice because I was still freshly recovering and still trying to be nice and submissive, as I was used to being.

When I spoke with my mom multiple times about how it hurt me and my girlfriend (met her a week after leaving my ex, but still, emotionally disconnected 6 mos before) that she had pictures up, she ignored it. When I told my mother I just wanted her to validate the emotional pain my ex caused, she just changed the subject.

I let her know in no uncertain terms I wanted this woman out of my life. She said "You don't get to pick who I'm friends with."

Well, the final straw came at my grandfather's headstone dedication a couple months ago. We drove 5 hours to attend, and my ex wife shows up, invited. I called her out and said "This is a family event, you're not family, please leave." My family came to her side, so we left.

I decided to try and patch things up so the family knew it was against my ex, not against them, so we attended lunch afterward after verifying ex was not invited. My aunt said I acted inappropriately, and everyone just treated us like we didn't exist, so we just left without saying goodbye.

My mother has a history of ignoring things I bring to attention: she ignored an abusive elementary school teacher until I got violent, she ignored a medical condition when I was an infant which turned into a resulting neurological disorder with my vision (affects me intermittently), she ignored a medical problem when I was an adolescent and said I was doing it for attention. Now she's welcoming a woman into her life at my obvious expense.

Should I tell her why I won't talk to her, or should I just give up and cut her out of my life? What would you do? Do you have any advice? My girlfriend doesn't want to go back for Chanukah and, frankly, I'm feeling that way, too.

TL;DR, mother has a history of ignoring my very real issues, refuses to cut off my borderline emotionally abusive ex wife.

EDIT: Grandfather's funeral is a public event, anyone is free to go. Shiva is a really private event where the community comes to support the family.

from your toxic family, OP. Or, well, in this case, declare Kareth on them.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 05:10

big dyke energy: Jul 29, 2006; Football? Yaaaay

Mordiceius posted:

Dude apparently doesn't have an actual business I guess? But he has hella equipment and a studio room.

Then he's just a pervert.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 05:37

Taima: Dec 31, 2006; tfw you're peeing next to someone in the lineup and they don't know

Mordiceius posted:

My girlfriend [24F] of 2 years gave me [26M] some nude photos as a surprise gift. But I found a friend of mine [M] took them and I feel really uncomfortable about it.

I would argue that professional quality naked or quasi-naked photos are rarely for the man... seems like more of a "feeling wanted and sexy" thing on behalf of the woman.

My fiancee turns me on and I find her extremely sexy, but I just can't see myself personally being super stoked at being given naked photos. Am I in the minority here? I see her naked a lot. I really don't need the photos and like a lot of guys, I don't particularly give a poo poo about photos in general.

If I wanted to see her naked now, I would just do that, it's allowed. If the answer is "well she won't be this attractive forever" well no poo poo but I'm not going to hoard photos of her when she was in her physiological prime, that's creepy as gently caress and would do nothing but shift expectations in a negative way as we both naturally age and have our own physical idiosyncrasies.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 06:06

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Taima posted:

I would argue that professional quality naked or quasi-naked photos are rarely for the man... seems like more of a "feeling wanted and sexy" thing on behalf of the woman.

My fiancee turns me on and I find her extremely sexy, but I just can't see myself personally being super stoked at being given naked photos. Am I in the minority here? I see her naked a lot. I really don't need the photos and like a lot of guys, I don't particularly give a poo poo about photos in general.

If I wanted to see her naked now, I would just do that, it's allowed. If the answer is "well she won't be this attractive forever" well no poo poo but I'm not going to hoard photos of her when she was in her physiological prime, that's creepy as gently caress and would do nothing but shift expectations in a negative way as we both naturally age and have our own physical idiosyncrasies.

I kind of feel this way, who knows how I'll feel when I'm 60 and looking back on them but for now I wouldn't really care if I received those kinds of photos from my wife

# ? Aug 17, 2018 07:03

iustorum_anime: Apr 4, 2016

[California] help, Its an actual nightmare: Friend getting divorced, paralyzed suddenly, and wife has gone on a spending spree (self.legaladvice)

quote:

Hi Legal Advice, I've gotten help on here once before, so... Hopefully you can provide some guidance. I'll try to keep this loving nightmare short, but in general:

1) Kind, successful (self-employed small business) friend marries a woman about 5 years ago. She's mid 30s, he's mid 40s.

2) In a failure on his part to discuss post-wedding life plans, he was surprised when she decided this meant she no longer had to work, or contribute, or frankly adult in any way. She spends the next few years increasingly less reliable, not working, heavy partying (in her 30s) etc..

3) his increasing frustration at her inability to function in adult society (he was CONSTANTLY finding out she has 7 or 8 unpaid, ignored parking tickets etc) FINALLY made him realize he needed to divorce her.

4) BEFORE that went through, he went on a trip to see his family, and to cut to the chase had a swimming accident that shattered multiple neck vertebrae and a month out he's basically permanently quadriplegic. On a side note, at first he asked to be removed from life support and they wouldn't do it, which is a separate issue, but now he seems to want to try sticking it outt.

His wife did step up and assist in all the medical horrorshow stuff, but now she has power of attorney for him and we hear that she's been on a.. party and amazon spending spree. People close to her who try to be understanding have started to raise serious concerns about her behavior.

The question: We raised a somewhat substantial amount of money via gofundme, but have been asked to stop and send money directly to her paypal. She may even think she's operating in a responsible manner, but frankly I believe most of our friends agree that she'll be burning through all their savings in the next 6 months, and afterwards.. divorce our friend and leave him paralyzed and destitute?

The question: WHAT CAN WE DO? We get she's still the wife and that generally means she can do what she wants. Can we figure out if the power of attorney was done under coercion? Is there some patients-rights advocate law that prevents spouses from taking advantage? If not, is there anything we can do separately from them, like set up a trust? He very specifically was divorcing her because she's basically incapable of exactly what she's been tasked with. I'm not even mad at her though, based on our many many many hours of talking about his frustrations with her, I didn't expect anything else. It's like the parable of the frog and the scorpion.

If she does do what... we expect to happen (intentional or not), is there ANY advice at all what we can do to attempt to get our friend to have some sort of help or hope in the mid-long term? Just... Any tips?

# ? Aug 17, 2018 07:54

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Xenocides posted:

discovered reddit.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 08:00

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

My [18M] friend [18M] touched me in my sleep, I had a physical release, he�s going to be living with me for 2 weeks and our parents are close, how do I handle this?

Motherfucker, just as I clicked it it went from content to [deleted].

# ? Aug 17, 2018 08:15

Porfiriato: Jan 4, 2016

Theophany posted:

My [18M] friend [18M] touched me in my sleep, I had a physical release, he�s going to be living with me for 2 weeks and our parents are close, how do I handle this?

Motherfucker, just as I clicked it it went from content to [deleted].

quote:

Last night my mate Jack stayed over. We�ve been good friends since we were in kindergarten. We fell asleep on the couch when we were watching movies and I woke up feeling extremely turned on, I had a huge erection. My head cleared from sleep fog and I realised someone was giving me a hand job. I cracked one eye open and realised it was Jack. I didn�t know what to do so I just froze and kept pretending to be asleep. I�m ashamed to say I came and he stopped after that and put my dick back in my shorts. I couldn�t sleep after that and the next day I pretended I was busy and he left shortly after waking up. I couldn�t look him in the eye.

I don�t know what to do or what to feel. I�m a really heavy sleeper because of my anti depressants that I�m on and Jack knows this. Could he have been doing this for a long time? Should I say something to him? I feel like I don�t want to talk to him, I just want to forget it ever happened but I can�t because he�s meant to be staying with me soon when his parents go away. We also go to the same high school and he�s a good mate so I can�t just forget it all. And I came so what does that mean? I don�t know what to do. Please help.

tl;dr friend touched me in my sleep. What do I do?

Reddit, to their credit, was pretty much universally on the side of "you were sexually assaulted, you need to tell someone about it".

# ? Aug 17, 2018 08:21

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Known Lecher posted:

Reddit, to their credit, was pretty much universally on the side of "you were sexually assaulted, you need to tell someone about it".

He...he chose the pseudonym 'Jack'...?

# ? Aug 17, 2018 08:41

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

Theophany posted:

He...he chose the pseudonym 'Jack'...?

I'm Jack's lack of consent

# ? Aug 17, 2018 12:03

Fatkraken: Jun 23, 2005; Fun-time is over.

chemtrail huffer posted:

[California] help, Its an actual nightmare: Friend getting divorced, paralyzed suddenly, and wife has gone on a spending spree (self.legaladvice)

Why would she have power of attorney over someone who is presumably conscious and communicating (he asked to be taken off life support)? I thought that was for people in situations where they can't make their own decisions

# ? Aug 17, 2018 12:57

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Fatkraken posted:

Why would she have power of attorney over someone who is presumably conscious and communicating (he asked to be taken off life support)? I thought that was for people in situations where they can't make their own decisions

I�m guessing it was maybe a �temporary emergency guardianship� thing? Does that sort of horrible accident lead to them going over the patient�s head to their POA?

Like what happened to Dax Cowart? Dude was really badly burnt in a gas leak explosion; he told a Good Samaritan to just let him die; he also told the hospital he wanted to die and they just went �lol nope. We treatin� you.�

# ? Aug 17, 2018 13:17

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Fatkraken posted:

Why would she have power of attorney over someone who is presumably conscious and communicating (he asked to be taken off life support)? I thought that was for people in situations where they can't make their own decisions

I don't think she would have. Provided he is of mental capacity she cannot dictate his treatment, though presumably they share finances so she can run up bills left, right and centre.

Setting up a trust is likely to be the best option, so long as the trust itself pays for his care, treatment and whatever else he needs. As soon as it pays the money to him I don't think there is any distinction between whether the money is his or hers.

Paying the money directly to her PayPal would be dumb as poo poo.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 13:23

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Fatkraken posted:

Why would she have power of attorney over someone who is presumably conscious and communicating (he asked to be taken off life support)? I thought that was for people in situations where they can't make their own decisions

There's no requirement or presumption of inability for a POA, you can get one for someone that's competent and able bodied if they agree. But if you're physically unable to fill out forms or sign documents it would probably be a good idea to get a POA with someone who can.

E: as to how this works with hospital directives, from everything I've heard a lot of medical providers are reluctant to pull the plug when close family members are arguing against it, regardless of legal status.

the holy poopacy fucked around with this message at 13:48 on Aug 17, 2018

# ? Aug 17, 2018 13:44

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Yeah once you give someone power of attorney they have the legal right to make decisions for you as though they were you until you figure out how to dissolve it. It's a whole thing for, say, seniors who get dementia and are perfectly capable of expressing their desire to go play in traffic. Don't give it to someone you don't trust implicitly because they can absolutely ruin you effortlessly.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 13:53

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

My [29F] boyfriend [28M] works out and then goes to sleep without showering

quote:

I have been together with my boyfriend for about 2.5 years now. We live together and all around we have a good relationship. However, some of his hygiene practices I have found hard to live with and today we got in a big fight over one of them.

A little context, my boyfriend is honestly a smelly guy. To give you a bit of an idea, his towel that he uses after showering smells pretty bad after a few days, and hardly ever comes out of the wash. I have found hot water and drying it in the sun helps a little.

As for his hygiene practices, when I first met him he only showered the �important parts� (rear, downstairs, armpits). After I brought up his chest being well... not pleasant to lay my head on, he started to wash his chest too. He also used to just �rinse off� after exercising sometimes which basically did nothing except maybe cool him off?

Now to the issue I am running into, for the last two days we have been arguing about him stating that he doesn�t want to take two showers a day and instead wants to start NOT showering after his workout. I suggested that he take a shower after his workout and not in the morning, but he says showering in the morning helps him wake up.

This proposition grossed me out. I�m not trying to be mean here, but he gets so incredibly sweaty and smelly when he works out (so much so I have him leave his workout clothes in the bathroom to dry and don�t make the bedroom smell... I�m not exaggerating... it�s pretty strong). The few times he slept in bed after a particularly warm day, our bed smelled. I keep imagining the smell it would bring to our bed and our sheets if this was an everyday thing....

I feel like I�ve compromised a lot already. One example, he is a morning shower person and though I think it�s kind of unhygienic to sleep in the day�s grime, to each his own. But now sleeping in the bed after working out is just another layer than makes me incredibly uncomfortable. It would be one thing if we were camping, but this is our home... our bed... is it wrong for me wanting to keep it clean-ish? Don�t my preferences matter too since he�s not a single guy in his own bed but sharing one with me?

I know he�s tired and trying to save a little time (his work commute is like 2hrs) so I do understand. I�m worried maybe he�s depressed again since he�s been showering after working out for months but now all of a sudden wants to stop.

Anyways, I set out with good intentions to try and tell him how uncomfortable it made me, but we ended up in an argument. I told him he couldn�t sleep in the bed unless he showered... not my finest moment and I obviously didn�t handle the situation well at all.

Any tips for how to approach this delicately and also am I being unreasonable?

TL;DR My [29F] boyfriend [28M] works out and then goes to sleep without showering. He�s a pretty smelly guy and the idea makes me uncomfortable. Any tips for how to approach this delicately and am I being unreasonable?

Eww.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 13:55

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Yeah once you give someone power of attorney they have the legal right to make decisions for you as though they were you until you figure out how to dissolve it. It's a whole thing for, say, seniors who get dementia and are perfectly capable of expressing their desire to go play in traffic. Don't give it to someone you don't trust implicitly because they can absolutely ruin you effortlessly.

Someone should have shown him this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mghxZzWVO7A

# ? Aug 17, 2018 13:57

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

LadyPictureShow posted:

My [29F] boyfriend [28M] works out and then goes to sleep without showering

Eww.

I'd make him sleep on the couch but then I'd never get the stains out!

# ? Aug 17, 2018 13:58

Collapsing Farts: Jun 29, 2018; ð

Who are all these dudes who never learned how to shower and that "stink is bad"

# ? Aug 17, 2018 13:59

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

LadyPictureShow posted:

My [29F] boyfriend [28M] works out and then goes to sleep without showering

Eww.

Lady, he's been this way with you for two and a half years. He's never going to change! Time to take out the trash.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 13:59

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Collapsing Farts posted:

Who are all these dudes who never learned how to shower and that "stink is bad"

Had Mommy bathing them right up until their first girlfriend took over child care?

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Someone should have shown him this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mghxZzWVO7A

lol this rules

# ? Aug 17, 2018 14:03

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

Showering feels good! Being clean feels good! Who are these weirdos who hate showering?

# ? Aug 17, 2018 14:05

tote up a bags: Jun 8, 2006; die stoats die

who the gently caress doesnt enjoy a nice shower after a workout? dump that weirdo

# ? Aug 17, 2018 14:10

Buzkashi: Feb 4, 2003; College Slice

quote:

Hi r/legaladvice, I'm an 18 year old with no criminal record and yesterday I was arrested for being completely naked on the street outside of my house while on acid (I told the police officers that I was but they did not charge me for it). I was issued an indecent exposure misdemeanor, and frankly I'm a bit lost as to what I should do and how likely I will go to jail. I'm supposed to start college in a week, and I'm extremely worried for the possible consequences. Should I for sure get an attorney to avoid being imprisoned, or is this something that I can resolve on my own? Thanks

edit: should I mention to the judge that I was under the influence of acid? I think that's self incrimination but I don't really know how else to explain why I was naked in the middle of the road

I got a good feelin' about this!

# ? Aug 17, 2018 14:16

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

Buzkashi posted:

I got a good feelin' about this!

Link please

# ? Aug 17, 2018 14:18

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

zakharov posted:

Link please

You do know reddit has a search function, right?

# ? Aug 17, 2018 14:26

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# ? May 28, 2024 02:29

MightyJoe36: Dec 29, 2013; Cat Army

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Yeah once you give someone power of attorney they have the legal right to make decisions for you as though they were you until you figure out how to dissolve it. It's a whole thing for, say, seniors who get dementia and are perfectly capable of expressing their desire to go play in traffic. Don't give it to someone you don't trust implicitly because they can absolutely ruin you effortlessly.

If you need to give someone power of attorney, make sure it's a Limited power of attorney (i.e., for a specific purpose) and not a General power of attorney which basically gives them the right to make any decision on your behalf.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 14:31

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