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Not wanting to have kids is fine. But being confronted with the desperation of an elderly relative and young child who has no one else to turn to and not having your sense of empathy override your idealized plan for how your life was going to go is absolutely self-centered. The poster can ditch that situation, but for her boyfriend to do so is a moral failing barely more excusable than ducking out on your own child because it's not what you had planned.
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Aug 29, 2018 21:16
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Moon Atari posted:Not wanting to have kids is fine. But being confronted with the desperation of an elderly relative and young child who has no one else to turn to and not having your sense of empathy override your idealized plan for how your life was going to go is absolutely self-centered. The poster can ditch that situation, but for her boyfriend to do so is a moral failing barely more excusable than ducking out on your own child because it's not what you had planned. he posts, fatly, onto the internet
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Aug 29, 2018 21:19
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Moon Atari posted:Not wanting to have kids is fine. But being confronted with the desperation of an elderly relative and young child who has no one else to turn to and not having your sense of empathy override your idealized plan for how your life was going to go is absolutely self-centered. The poster can ditch that situation, but for her boyfriend to do so is a moral failing barely more excusable than ducking out on your own child because it's not what you had planned. No you are extremely wrong actually because adoption for a couple who WANTS her is guaranteed at that age. It's a tragedy that people think like you do, when third party adoption is such a beautiful solution. You just bummed me out, thanks.
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Aug 29, 2018 21:22
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Defiance Industries posted:Ah, the "anyone who doesn't want kids is a loving monster" tack. If you don't want kids don't engage in co-parenting with an elderly person
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Aug 29, 2018 21:22
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Taima posted:when third party adoption is such a beautiful solution. lol what world do you live in
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Aug 29, 2018 21:22
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CheesyDog posted:Polyamorous Married Couple Looking to get Divorced
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Aug 29, 2018 21:23
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Leon Einstein posted:This woman is dying to let everybody know that she's a persecuted poly. Is there any other kind?
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Aug 29, 2018 21:24
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big trivia FAIL posted:lol what world do you live in i'm not going to argue with you about the merits of adoption because I've seen firsthand how beautiful the joining of a needy child, and a family who wants them, can be an incredible blessing. Good luck with your ignorant worldview about adoption! Adoption is extremely expensive and extremely stressful. But again, I'm not here to explain to ignorants about how the world works.
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Aug 29, 2018 21:26
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Leon Einstein posted:This woman is dying to let everybody know that she's a persecuted poly. Please pay attention to me. I am poly! I am interesting! The last thing they want is normalization. That would leave their only talking point dead: “Yeah, we have all been spitroasted by our boyfriends while our husband was in the other room crying because he still had not found a woman looking for a guy in an open marriage. Boring!”
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Aug 29, 2018 21:29
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Taima posted:But again, I'm not here to explain to ignorants about how the world works. Good, then maybe stop trying.
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Aug 29, 2018 21:30
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Slim pickings tonight My (27M) best friend (27M) retracted my plus one to his wedding after he heard who I was bringing. quote:u/ThrowawayGroomsman18 You’re in the wedding party, so possibly some reward is merited, but numbers are always tight and you can’t have everyone you want as is, so someone bringing some random flavour of the month? Nah.
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Aug 29, 2018 21:45
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Milotic posted:Slim pickings tonight I let one of my groomsmen bring a girl I hadn't met yet, but only because he told me he was pretty serious about her (and they're still dating so he was telling the truth). For literally every other person at the wedding the rule was "SOs only allowed if we are also friends with them, or if you're cohabitating". It's a good rule and OP should stop whining.
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Aug 29, 2018 21:49
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Oh wow, your parents are trash: Parents (50s M/F) want me (24M) to sue my old High School quote:u/PrizeNeighborhood0 quote:He is no longer in jail. The suit would be against the school for negligence, I don't believe he would be involved. quote:Yes, she called me today and said they already contacted a lawyer. Def made me uncomfortable because they went through their version of events and the lawyer got all the relevant papers from the trial 6 years ago. She said the lawyer would take 30% of the settlement. I hope they are not paying out of pocket for the consult. She called me to see if I was willing to talk to the lawyer and I said I do want to talk to him.
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Aug 29, 2018 21:54
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Milotic posted:Slim pickings tonight nah, if the wedding is not small and intimate and you've got an actual wedding party they should all get a plus one rescinding the plus one after you've extended the offer is super-crass, and the groomsman is right to be offended- whether or not it's a "serious" relationship at the moment, it's real enough that he wanted to bring her to a wedding and expected she'd accept, so there's no real reason for the groom to take an action that might drive a wedge/not further a relationship that could become serious (this is under normal circumstances with reasonable people, obviously if, say, the groomsman has a history of quick flings with unstable alcoholics the groom is far more justified in the exclusion) e: obviously it's ultimately the bride and groom's wedding and they can do what they want, but I always viewed a wedding as ideally being more about throwing a good party for friends and family to mark a life-transition, and when planning I wanted everyone I invited to be comfortable bringing their romantic partners/feeling included - if you were invited at all you had the option to RVSP with a +1 but I also have a massive extended family and I actually like/trust pretty much all of them (even the crazy ones aren't going to gently caress up a wedding), so I can see how others would have a different view LGD fucked around with this message at 22:04 on Aug 29, 2018 |
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Aug 29, 2018 21:56
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Milotic posted:Oh wow, your parents are trash: Not content with depriving their daughter of her childhood, they move on to deprive other children of their education.
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Aug 29, 2018 22:01
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Milotic posted:Oh wow, your parents are trash: If only there were some way the school and the parents could both get screwed
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Aug 29, 2018 22:04
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Lift those loving 3 pound weights like your life depends on them grandma, because it does. I'm gonna turn you from a wrinkled, diabetic Butterball turkey into Jack LaLanne.
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Aug 29, 2018 22:04
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LGD posted:nah, if the wedding is not small and intimate and you've got an actual wedding party they should all get a plus one No way. Regardless of size. It’s the Bride and Groom’s day. They might not want some random there, that not only do they have to pay for, but also takes away a space from someone else who is on the border that they did want. Guest lists are a giant pain in the rear end at the best of times, you don’t need people taking it up you’ve never met and even the guest says isn’t serious. Also they might have a criteria of serious partners only, and if you revisit it for one, you need to revisit it for others, and it kicks off a whole thing. The plus one was clearly intended for his former partner. I had a biggish wedding (for a white British person) and I am on the Groom’s side.
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Aug 29, 2018 22:04
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phasmid posted:Not content with depriving their daughter of her childhood, they move on to deprive other children of their education. Son 
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Aug 29, 2018 22:06
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Bored posted:Who the gently caress drinks alcohol on ecstasy? literally everyone lol. There's no particular danger there as they affect your bodily processes in opposite ways Ghost Leviathan posted:Molly is MDMA. Well known to make straight guys all start sucking each others' dicks. I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or serious but that can totally happen especially when someone fucks up the dosage. This one time I supplied the molly to a bunch of friends of mine, I told them clearly how much to take but two of them didn't listen. One of the guys got kicked out of the bar (well really I removed him from the bar because he was about to get arrested) and on the way home he couldn't stop feeling up my chest and stomach. He was so hosed up he could barely talk or walk and he clearly wanted to gently caress me. That night he pissed on my friend's laptop and made out w/ heavy petting with the other guy that took too much molly. Neither one are gay which is a fact I know for sure Smirking_Serpent posted:23m with 22f, wife went psycho tonight. This reminds me very much of a mental breakdown I experienced with a girlfriend of mine during college. It was one of the more strange, disturbing and disappointing things I've experienced because she was a gorgeous east african lady in med school and I was insanely into her but I could never look at her the same way again after the temporarily lost her mind Play fucked around with this message at 22:12 on Aug 29, 2018 |
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Aug 29, 2018 22:07
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Ah, right. I missed the part where he said he was with a guy.
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Aug 29, 2018 22:13
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Didn't Dan Savage have a guy on who had a fetish for hiding on bike trails and pissing into bike riders water bottles when they'd stop to piss or whatever and his reaction was just, "well be careful not getting caught," or something equally disturbing?
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Aug 29, 2018 22:48
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dick wizard posted:Didn't Dan Savage have a guy on who had a fetish for hiding on bike trails and pissing into bike riders water bottles when they'd stop to piss or whatever and his reaction was just, "well be careful not getting caught," or something equally disturbing? I mean... technically that's still advice
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Aug 29, 2018 23:08
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JaneError posted:
These people need to realise that for them their wedding day was the most important day of their lives, but for him it was Tuesday.
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Aug 29, 2018 23:35
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dick wizard posted:Didn't Dan Savage have a guy on who had a fetish for hiding on bike trails and pissing into bike riders water bottles when they'd stop to piss or whatever and his reaction was just, "well be careful not getting caught," or something equally disturbing? This is crazy and bad if true, but I've been reading Savage Love for a little while now and don't get all the goon hate. Like recently there was a man saying how into his girlfriend's teenage niece he was and basically looking for an all clear, but Dan shut that poo poo right down. Did he used to be a lot weirder, or something? Yeah he's cool with odd poly relationships and strange fetishes, but only if everyone involved is on board.
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Aug 30, 2018 00:10
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I've never heard about the bike piss thing, but he's said various gross poo poo about bi people and about vaginas. There's also a lot of pressure to be GGG, past what some people would consider reasonable, that ends up with people being pressured to do things they don't like and/or greenlights the fetishist's cheating. Being against ~ephebophilia~ is uhh good, definitely good, but maybe not the highest bar to clear
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Aug 30, 2018 00:12
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i like nice words
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I (33F) needs to tell my (38F) ex-bestie that I can no longer attend her birthday celebration but I’m scared of her. I’ve been friends with this woman since April and she recently “broke it off” with me because I’m “selfish” and “boy crazy”. I’ve noticed a pattern of abuse from her so I was relieved to finally be cut loose. It’s been about three weeks since the “break up” and she recently reached out to tell me she still considers me a friend and wanted me to attend her birthday celebration in another city for a weekend. She mentioned before that she did not want couples attending for God knows why. Anyway, I recently started seeing this guy and it’s going well. She told me I could bring anyone that I wanted so naturally, I said the guy I was dating. She said okay. At 3am the next morning, I get a wall of text that basically says she was cool with him going but she’s not anymore. She says it’s her birthday and that it’s not a “romantic getaway” for me and the guy I’m seeing. The funny thing is, she told me earlier that night that she invited another couple to go. I didn’t know what to say except he was excited to go so it’s disappointing but it’s her day and she can do what she wants. Clearly, I don’t want to go at all. She bullies me and continuously puts me down for being “selfish” when in actuality I have an anxiety disorder so I tend to worry a lot about my behavior. She also says I’m “boy crazy” because I like to have male attention. That part might be true but I don’t see how my dating life effected the friendship. I’m nervous because she’s very vindictive and I’m worried she’ll retaliate somehow. Either by not giving me the money is has borrowed or by ruining my reputation somehow. Anyway, my question is, how do I tell her I’m no longer going? And when? The event isn’t until the first week of October. TL;DR How do I tell ex-bestie I’m not going to her birthday event? I’m worried she’ll get mad when I tell her and retaliate.
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Aug 30, 2018 00:34
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My [24f] best friend [25f] got incredibly drunk at my coworker's wedding and blamed it on me. Back in May, I went to a coworker's wedding, and as it was the same day as my college graduation, I asked my best friend (who would already be visiting) to go with me. I made it clear when I asked her that it was a coworker's wedding, with lots of other coworkers invited, and that we should keep drinking to a minimum. I believe I specified "one or two drinks". We both work in high schools, so I was fairly confident my best friend would understand and behave appropriately. The story actually starts earlier in the day, when we were driving home after my graduation. I was driving, with my older brother in the passenger seat and my best friend and her boyfriend in the back. My best friend was apparently bothered by the open window, but rather than rolling it up she took off her seatbelt to slide into the middle seat, and didn't put her seatbelt back on. I happened to glance into the rearview mirror and saw her in the middle back seat without a seatbelt on, and had a panic response. (Some background: around 4 1/2 years ago, I was in an extremely traumatic rollover car accident during which my spine and both my hands were broken and significant damage was done to my face and head from the windshield glass. I was in the middle back seat of the car when the accident happened. My best friend knows about all this; she visited me in the hospital during the accident). I told her to "put her loving seatbelt on" with what I hoped was a joking tone. She did not take it that way. The car ride was spent in silence until we got to our destination, and I immediately apologized once we were alone. She forgave me eventually, but it took some groveling on my part and a lecture from her about respect. Later that night was the wedding. It was in a tent outdoors in the pouring rain, and unfortunately was pretty cold. The bride was about an hour late (understandably), and my friend used this as an excuse to have three drinks on an empty stomach in the span of that hour. (I don't know how many drinks she had after that). I should mention that we were sitting at a table with one of my students and her mother, and that my friend knew this. She spilled 2 different drinks, one on me and one on another person. She could barely stand up at points in the night. She was dancing and talking inappropriately in front of my student. I didn't say anything during the wedding because I didn't want to cause a scene at my coworker's wedding. I got her out of the wedding as quickly as possible, which was difficult since we had been shuttled to the location. The next day was my graduation party, so I didn't say anything to her at all about it, but after she left I texted her saying "we need to talk about what happened at the wedding." Nothing else. She texted back after leaving me on read for a full week with a paragraphs-long diatribe that simultaneously excused her behavior and pinned it on me for "not telling her not to drink", as well as pinning it on the bride for being late to her own wedding. I attempted to be calm and factual, but she began to fling really hurtful statements about my personality. I ended the conversation by saying we shouldn't talk for a while. It took 2 weeks for her to text me again, and because of that I had a lot of time to think about our relationship over the past 7 years. I started to realize how miserable I've been for the past 3 of them. She was incredibly supportive after my car accident, during my rehabilitation, and during the year or so afterward that I struggled with depression and had to leave college. Once I started to piece my life back together, however, things have changed. Over the past 2 or 3 years, every time I've visited her, we've ended up fighting. I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells, watching what I say around her, afraid I'm going to make her angry. No matter how careful I am, I make her angry anyway. I refuse to be a passenger in a car with her anymore because of how dangerously she drives, even though she knows about my history. One time she pulled out her phone and started texting while driving, and when I told her I could take care of that for her, she yelled at me. When she calls me on the phone, she gives me perhaps five or ten minutes to talk about what's going on in my life, and then the rest of the one to two hour conversation is about her. Even when I am talking, she constantly interrupts me with her own anecdotes. This is also not the only time she has become inebriated to the point of sloppiness at "my" events. On my 21st birthday, she got so stoned that I had to spend the whole night taking care of her, and then said it was my fault since I gave her the brownie, although others also had the same batch and they all were able to function. She's only ever known abusive relationships with people, which is why I think I've excused a lot of those things. She's NC with her emotionally abusive family, and has during our friendship had 2 extremely lovely boyfriends. Her current boyfriend is absolutely wonderful - I adore him - and she talks a lot about "unlearning abusive behaviors". She's in therapy. I think she doesn't realize that abusive behaviors don't just affect romantic and familial relationships. She has lost quite a few friendships in the past few years, but it is always the other person's fault, and I believed her about that. She has made it clear to me several times that other than her boyfriend, I am the only person she has. TLDR: My best friend got very drunk at the wedding of one of my coworkers, behaved inappropriately in front of a student of mine who was there, and blamed it on me. In the weeks of radio silence I've realized she has been treating me poorly for years. My question is: can these behaviors be addressed? Can she change? She was once a really excellent friend to me, and I'm not quite sure what happened. I hate to throw away a 7-year friendship over her getting sloppy at a wedding. I'm still angry, don't get me wrong, I just want to know: is this person actually toxic/abusive, or is she just totally un-selfaware?
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Aug 30, 2018 00:38
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Anne Whateley posted:I've never heard about the bike piss thing, but he's said various gross poo poo about bi people and about vaginas. That's disappointing. I guess I just liked him better when he was telling off republicans. Now that his bread and butter seems to be his advice column, well.
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Aug 30, 2018 01:03
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Moon Atari posted:Not wanting to have kids is fine. But being confronted with the desperation of an elderly relative and young child who has no one else to turn to and not having your sense of empathy override your idealized plan for how your life was going to go is absolutely self-centered. The poster can ditch that situation, but for her boyfriend to do so is a moral failing barely more excusable than ducking out on your own child because it's not what you had planned. wait for the kid to enter the system, take them in as a foster kid, profit?
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Aug 30, 2018 01:06
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phasmid posted:That's disappointing. I guess I just liked him better when he was telling off republicans. Now that his bread and butter seems to be his advice column, well. e: the "santorum" thing that grew out of his column was in 2003, holy poo poo I'm old
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Aug 30, 2018 01:11
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Anne Whateley posted:Afaik his advice column has literally always been his bread and butter? It was a thing since before the internet was even a thing, I started reading it in like middle school. My first exposure to him was in the mid-aughts, watching him weigh in on panel shows and the like. He grew up in the evangelical right and had a lot of keen observations. I only became familiar with his column much later and I'm afraid I'm unacquainted with the "Santorum thing". Although knowing Santorum, it's most likely as embarrassing as it is vile.
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Aug 30, 2018 01:26
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Smirking_Serpent posted:I (33F) needs to tell my (38F) ex-bestie that I can no longer attend her birthday celebration but I’m scared of her. This was the perfect time to spoiler tag out the ages, cause holy poo poo, this lady is mentally at the age of 14. Why is it so hard for people to just not be friends with assholes?
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Aug 30, 2018 01:27
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ScentOfAnOtaku posted:Why is it so hard for people to just not be friends with assholes? Who would be left?
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Aug 30, 2018 01:30
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My Imaginary GF posted:wait for the kid to enter the system, take them in as a foster kid, profit? What is wrong with you
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Aug 30, 2018 01:33
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ScentOfAnOtaku posted:This was the perfect time to spoiler tag out the ages, cause holy poo poo, this lady is mentally at the age of 14. Why is it so hard for people to just not be friends with assholes? Considering a woman she’s know for five months is considered her ‘ex-bestie’ I’m assuming she is desperate for any kind of ‘friend’.
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Aug 30, 2018 01:46
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andrew smash posted:What is wrong with you MIGF has always been awful.
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Aug 30, 2018 02:02
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andrew smash posted:What is wrong with you This was a pretty good joke, imo
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Aug 30, 2018 04:39
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phasmid posted:My first exposure to him was in the mid-aughts, watching him weigh in on panel shows and the like. He grew up in the evangelical right and had a lot of keen observations. I only became familiar with his column much later and I'm afraid I'm unacquainted with the "Santorum thing". Although knowing Santorum, it's most likely as embarrassing as it is vile. Wikipedia has a write-up of the Santorum thing.
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Aug 30, 2018 04:41
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Milotic posted:No way. Regardless of size. It’s the Bride and Groom’s day. They might not want some random there, that not only do they have to pay for, but also takes away a space from someone else who is on the border that they did want. Guest lists are a giant pain in the rear end at the best of times, you don’t need people taking it up you’ve never met and even the guest says isn’t serious. Also they might have a criteria of serious partners only, and if you revisit it for one, you need to revisit it for others, and it kicks off a whole thing. The plus one was clearly intended for his former partner. I had a biggish wedding (for a white British person) and I am on the Groom’s side. Nah fuckem they could easily have not made the offer plus-one if they had not in fact budgeted for plus ones instead of playing stupid games, and given they were clearly open to inviting this person they didn't actually know making the invitation conditional on some probationary period or some poo poo other than the OP wanting them there and them wanting the OP to have a good time is petty and lovely as hell. Like, what, you're inviting this dude to be your groomsman but you can't trust him to independently vet that his lay of the week won't gently caress a horse on your reception table artsy fartsy posted:This is crazy and bad if true, but I've been reading Savage Love for a little while now and don't get all the goon hate. Like recently there was a man saying how into his girlfriend's teenage niece he was and basically looking for an all clear, but Dan shut that poo poo right down. He writes a sex column, which is an open invitation to every extremely online person to get absolutely splenetic at you for being one percent too for/against their obscure personal hangup. I'm not a huge fan of his writing but every time someone starts making some vague innuendo about him being a pervo or a Klansman or something it winds up being them coyly referencing some poo poo even Your Fave Is Problematic would be embarrassed to get too het up about A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 05:01 on Aug 30, 2018 |
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Aug 30, 2018 04:51
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