/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

My (25M) girlfriend (27F) wants me to change my phone number, so that no girls that previously had my phone number, have it anymore. Is she right for asking this?

quote:

Hi, So my gf wants me to change my phone number, because she wants no other girls to have my phone number. I have never cheated on her, I have never texted a girl while we were together besides family, and I have never given her a reason to think that I�m doing anything shady or messed up behind her back. She knows all of this, and her reasoning is that no female should have my number. She is not reasoning with me here and basically gave me an ultimatum, either I change my number or she leaves. I don�t know what to do. I would appreciate input from you guys.

Tl;dr: my girlfriend gave me an ultimatum and I don�t know what to do.

Just take the solution she's offering. She is offering to leave. If you do nothing the problem is solved.

Edit: Good ending?

OP posted:

After much thinking, and taking into account the toxicity of the relationship, and all of your advice, I went ahead and changed my number... but I just didn�t give her my new number, I�m leaving everything in the past now, even her. Thank you guys so much. Seriously, the outpouring means so much to me.

Absurd Alhazred fucked around with this message at 06:26 on Sep 16, 2018

# ? Sep 16, 2018 06:23

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# ? May 15, 2024 03:48

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Military spouse always brings to mind the 'have you considered not marrying your fiance?' e/n post.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 06:26

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

La Brea Carpet posted:

My husband (25m) plans to quit to be a stay at home dad/game designer or a minister as soon as I (24f) finish school.

Yeah they're unequally yoked all right.

video games are cultural poison

# ? Sep 16, 2018 06:28

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Pick posted:

video games are cultural poison

Video games are fun.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 06:34

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

what is not poison, however, is asafoetida and it is worth being alone forever if it means i can put as much of it into my curry as i want

# ? Sep 16, 2018 06:36

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Video games are fun.

they are not fun. they're tedious claptrap and appalling tripe... well, I will make two exceptions for Dragon Age 2 and Super Munchers

# ? Sep 16, 2018 06:37

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Pick posted:

what is not poison, however, is asafoetida and it is worth being alone forever if it means i can put as much of it into my curry as i want

You probably shouldn't put too much of it because then it becomes toxic. :ohdear:

Pick posted:

they are not fun. they're tedious claptrap and appalling tripe... well, I will make two exceptions for Dragon Age 2 and Super Munchers

Tripe is actually delicious. You should try işkembe sometime.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 06:40

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

oh poo poo is it actually? I go through an insane amount

# ? Sep 16, 2018 06:43

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Pick posted:

oh poo poo is it actually? I go through an insane amount

Well, the Hebrew article for it says so, can't find it in the English one (and they're not linked together for some reason).

# ? Sep 16, 2018 06:45

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

Absurd Alhazred posted:

My (25M) girlfriend (27F) wants me to change my phone number, so that no girls that previously had my phone number, have it anymore. Is she right for asking this?

Just take the solution she's offering. She is offering to leave. If you do nothing the problem is solved.

Edit: Good ending?

Pete would be proud.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 06:46

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

Pick posted:

they are not fun. they're tedious claptrap and appalling tripe... well, I will make two exceptions for Dragon Age 2 and Super Munchers

Alright but what about Ark? There's nothing better than slamming through someone's house on a stegosaur like some sort of prehistoric Kool-Aid man.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 06:58

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Pick posted:

what is not poison, however, is asafoetida and it is worth being alone forever if it means i can put as much of it into my curry as i want

Mmmm, foetid rear end curry.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 07:06

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

Grape Juice Vampire posted:

I work on a military base with primarily military wives and the Zaurg divorce gif flashes through my mind daily.

what is the zaurg e/n post

tonight for me was an r/relationships post. gf got jelly of how good i am with women. its like, treat women like ya do any other human being = too good with women = bae is purposely too drat good with other people drat him

or as i like to call it, a typical saturday night

# ? Sep 16, 2018 07:07

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

Haifisch posted:

Not as vicious as you'd hope.

I really like that response though and I bet it hit its target better than something that could be perceived as moral aggrandizement. Prudie rules.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 08:33

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

My Imaginary GF posted:

what is the zaurg e/n post

I don't have it on me, but it's just "Zaurg, get a divorce" ad nauseam, repeated over different gifs, explosions and background stills. I don't know the details of his marriage, but I do know that the guy desperately needs to get a divorce.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 10:48

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

God I hate people with BPD. Anyway, where was I?

# ? Sep 16, 2018 11:19

HMS Beagle: Feb 13, 2009

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

I don't have it on me, but it's just "Zaurg, get a divorce" ad nauseam, repeated over different gifs, explosions and background stills. I don't know the details of his marriage, but I do know that the guy desperately needs to get a divorce.

Here's the latest zaurg thread. Fun new twist: He gets into crypto

# ? Sep 16, 2018 11:36

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

My Imaginary GF posted:

God, I wish I could be a full time dad. Knock a chick up 5 or 6 times, have lots of babies to raise and a home to take care of.

Unfortunately, being a full time dad makes ya a 'pussy' in the eyes of many folk

My life is much easier during the week than it is on the weekends when I watch the kids solo for 4 or 5 hours a day. Parenting is tough and stay at home parents have it rough.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 11:54

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

HMS Beagle posted:

Here's the latest zaurg thread. Fun new twist: He gets into crypto

I swear these people are like sitcom dads, except with consequences.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 12:02

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

A male coworker grabbed my genitals at my work place and I broke his jaw. What do I do next?

A man I work with (I'm 23, he's 51) decided a funny joke to play on me would be to firmly grasp my crotch in front of my coworkers. While he was in the action of doing so, I instinctively swung at his face and broke his jaw, to the point where he may need surgery to correct the damage, as his jaw is visibly detached from his face. This just occurred a few hours ago. I'm wondering what the possible legal ramifications may be and if I could lose my job. I have never been arrested and the only authorities contacted were emergency personnel. I live in Massachusetts and am an at will employee. and follow up question: what should I do if I am suspended or fired? do I have a strong case of wrongful termination if so?

# ? Sep 16, 2018 13:24

blugu64: Jul 17, 2006; Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face?

Pick posted:

video games are cultural poison

Ban Video Games and Anime Now!

# ? Sep 16, 2018 13:48

this broken hill: Apr 10, 2018; by Lowtax

Pick posted:

what is not poison, however, is asafoetida and it is worth being alone forever if it means i can put as much of it into my curry as i want

i eat cloves of raw garlic like m&ms

# ? Sep 16, 2018 14:00

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

A male coworker grabbed my genitals at my work place and I broke his jaw. What do I do next?

A man I work with (I'm 23, he's 51) decided a funny joke to play on me would be to firmly grasp my crotch in front of my coworkers. While he was in the action of doing so, I instinctively swung at his face and broke his jaw, to the point where he may need surgery to correct the damage, as his jaw is visibly detached from his face. This just occurred a few hours ago. I'm wondering what the possible legal ramifications may be and if I could lose my job. I have never been arrested and the only authorities contacted were emergency personnel. I live in Massachusetts and am an at will employee. and follow up question: what should I do if I am suspended or fired? do I have a strong case of wrongful termination if so?

Human mantis shrimp worries for job security

# ? Sep 16, 2018 14:06

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

blugu64 posted:

Ban Video Games and Anime Now!

They don't necessarily need to be banned. The problem could be dealt with in the same way as HIV/AIDS. First with a persuasive public awareness and scare campaign. Then follow it up with a law that makes it illegal to not disclose your infection/media fandom to your romantic partner.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 14:17

ass cobra: May 28, 2004; by Azathoth

HMS Beagle posted:

Here's the latest zaurg thread. Fun new twist: He gets into crypto

Very disappointing that the �blow� budget item isnt, well, blow

# ? Sep 16, 2018 14:39

Jack-Off Lantern: Mar 2, 2012

Smirking_Serpent posted:

A male coworker grabbed my genitals at my work place and I broke his jaw. What do I do next?

A man I work with (I'm 23, he's 51) decided a funny joke to play on me would be to firmly grasp my crotch in front of my coworkers. While he was in the action of doing so, I instinctively swung at his face and broke his jaw, to the point where he may need surgery to correct the damage, as his jaw is visibly detached from his face. This just occurred a few hours ago. I'm wondering what the possible legal ramifications may be and if I could lose my job. I have never been arrested and the only authorities contacted were emergency personnel. I live in Massachusetts and am an at will employee. and follow up question: what should I do if I am suspended or fired? do I have a strong case of wrongful termination if so?

Just wander around fighting your fellow Fighters until the new Tournament begins or Bison or Akuma stir up new trouble, geez. Try to keep that Satsui no Hado in check, Girl.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 14:42

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Smirking_Serpent posted:

A male coworker grabbed my genitals at my work place and I broke his jaw. What do I do next?

A man I work with (I'm 23, he's 51) decided a funny joke to play on me would be to firmly grasp my crotch in front of my coworkers. While he was in the action of doing so, I instinctively swung at his face and broke his jaw, to the point where he may need surgery to correct the damage, as his jaw is visibly detached from his face. This just occurred a few hours ago. I'm wondering what the possible legal ramifications may be and if I could lose my job. I have never been arrested and the only authorities contacted were emergency personnel. I live in Massachusetts and am an at will employee. and follow up question: what should I do if I am suspended or fired? do I have a strong case of wrongful termination if so?

If it's a right wing job, he can cry 'gay panic' and get a promotion.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 14:57

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

Employee discovers one weird trick to end sexual harassment. Rapists hate them.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 15:00

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

I knew Rousey had gotten a couple pretty bad losses, but I didn't know she just gave up and got an office job

# ? Sep 16, 2018 15:08

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

continuing to date someone with BPD to own the cons

# ? Sep 16, 2018 15:58

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Neighbour complained to my mother about my sex. I am 27(f), married and living in my own house. (self.sex)

submitted an hour ago by Karmasutradiaries

quote:

Ok. Let's get into this.

Me (27 f) and my husband (28 m) enjoy sex. We enjoy loud sex, and kinky sex, and all the different sexes in between lol.

So we moved into a new place recently, and of course our sex life isn't going to stop. A week after we move in the neighbour comes over randomly. She brings biscuits and we think she is welcoming us to the neighbourhood. Me, my husband and her talk for a short while, (during this time she passive aggressively mentions how she would hear the previous tenants children playing and "i could hear everything") she goes to leave and then pulls me into the porch and in a hushed tone says something along the lines of

"you know, just so you know, we can hear. Just so you know"

She spoke to me like I was a child, and was basically telling me to keep it down. Personally, i don't care that she or her family can hear me. But i try to adjust my sex times to times when they will be at school/work, not too late, not too early.

In this time when me and my husband would talk, or be having a laugh about something, they would incesently bang on the walls to tell us to be quiet. The kids in their house can also be quite loud, but we've never banged on the wall or anything.

Anyway, forward a couple months and she phones my mum to tell her that we are way too loud. I am married, an adult, am living in my own house and have already adjusted the time that I have sex to times they most likely will not be in the adjoining room to our bedroom (it's a semi detatched house).

My mum tells me, and I can't stop laughing. Holy poo poo if this woman had just come over and spoken to me and my husband like adults this wouldn't even be an issue, but I won't be spoken down to. My mum says to just ignore the woman as she and her family are known to spread bs and are "jealous people". They make out like they are big shots to make people think they are of high standing, just so they can treat people as lesser than them.

Fast forward a few more months, and she has gone to my mums house. "All the neighbours are complaining. She is waking my kids up, i dont know what to do, i've never heard noises like this!" As i've said before, we don't have sex at a time where we could possibly wake up her kids.

As i've said, if she had approached the situation like an adult, none of this would be an issue. But not only has she come over and said "i know your family" as if it is some kind of threat, but she has then gone on to complain to my mum as if that is going to make a difference.

I dont want to confront her as I am not only bad at confrontation, I also don't particularly want to engage in any conversation with a woman whose behaviour has thus far been, telling me off, banging on the walls as if I am an animal, and telling on me to my mother lmfao.

I am now uncomfortable and insecure to have sex with my husband in our own house in our own bedroom. We adjusted our sex life enough already to the point that if it is too late or too early we just don't anymore. I stifle any noises i want to make, and it is just an awkward situation.

Tl:dr: my neighbour complained to my mum about the sex I have with my husband. I am a married, adult woman. Patronised and threatened me into being quiet. I adjusted the times I have sex. She has told several lies and it is effecting how I am having sex with my husband.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 15:59

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

CheesyDog posted:

Neighbour complained to my mother about my sex. I am 27(f), married and living in my own house. (self.sex)

submitted an hour ago by Karmasutradiaries

Her neighbor is a nosy and obnoxious piece of poo poo, but I think it's time for their first ever home improvement project for their new house: sound-proofing the bedroom!

# ? Sep 16, 2018 16:10

Standard Measure: Sep 5, 2018; by FactsAreUseless

OP and her husband should get a loving job

# ? Sep 16, 2018 16:10

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

I've fallen for "clop" (MLP porn)... What went wrong in my brain? Should I stop or just give in? How bad can this hurt me? (self.sex)

submitted 2 days ago by liverpool222222

quote:

A few years ago I was working at a Walmart in the photo center near where Brony Convention takes place. Each year they'd print out all sorts of stuff to sell at their convention, a lot of it suggestive and sometimes full on pornographic Ponies.

It disturbed me to no end that I actually thought some of it was pretty hot, so I didn't bother looking into it. Didn't want to delve into that one.

Fast forward to about a month ago and an askreddit thread popped up that I finally had an interesting story for. I got to talk about all the pony porn I had to sort at Walmart. Unfortunately this led to my curiosity getting the better of me, and I ended up doing some googlin... which lead to saving a few.

It started off relatively tame (Not porn but suggestive).

But I kept going. I wanted MORE and regular porn just seemed so boring in comparison.

So here I am now, a full blown "clopper" and it's driving me nuts. I was always pretty sexually normal, but this feels like I've both hit a gold mine (I freakin love it and there is SO MUCH to look at, literally hundreds of thousands of really good drawings) and sunk my mental ship at the same time (Oh god what have I triggered).

I'm honestly afraid of where this will lead. I'm definitely not into regular real life horses, but I didn't think I'd like cartoon versions with anatomically correct genitalia either. It's just so much more exciting than regular porn. Maybe I'm just burnt out on pornhub junk? Or is this some kind of deep-seated thing from my childhood that I've just now discovered?

I know this sounds completely ridiculous but I genuinely don't know where else to ask something like this. Should I cut myself off completely before it does some kind of permanent mental/sexual damage? Or just give in and explore it? Honestly It might be painful not to at this point since I really like it so much.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 16:10

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Wtf just talk to real people

# ? Sep 16, 2018 16:14

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

CheesyDog posted:

I've fallen for "clop" (MLP porn)... What went wrong in my brain? Should I stop or just give in? How bad can this hurt me? (self.sex)

submitted 2 days ago by liverpool222222

Even the sound of two coconuts halves bumping together makes me come uncontrollably, would not recommend.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 16:15

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

This modern reboot of One Hour Photo is looking good, they can even keep the scene where he talks about Evangelion.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 16:16

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

Does anyone remember an EN thread from ages ago where the OP said he had fallen into an embarrassing internet subculture and developed a fetish he was ashamed of and wanted to stop? We eventually worked out by poking at the details that he was probably a brony. I can't remember the outcome. I think they just stopped posting.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 16:19

darkwasthenight: Jan 7, 2011; GENE TRAITOR

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Can I sue my boyfriend for fake rent that he took from me?

Ex's mom sounds rad, you should hook up with her instead.

CheesyDog posted:

Neighbour complained to my mother about my sex. I am 27(f), married and living in my own house. (self.sex)

submitted an hour ago by Karmasutradiaries

Classic matriarchal dominance battle; you need to show her you won't back down. Buy a sex gym and install it on the adjoining wall, then schedule a proper marathon fuckfest for your next weekend and really go to town on that bad boy. You need to be going for maximum volume - think of howler monkey calls as your baseline. Bonus points for incorporating drilldos and jackoff-hammers into your playtime.

Keep it up for the full weekend and eventually they'll be cowed into submission from a combination of sleep deprivation and your gently caress prowess and will not challenge you in future. As a bonus, your red hot engorged nethers should also dissuade other sexually mature females around the area from challenging your position as alpha of the pride.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 16:19

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# ? May 15, 2024 03:48

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

CheesyDog posted:

Neighbour complained to my mother about my sex. I am 27(f), married and living in my own house. (self.sex)

submitted an hour ago by Karmasutradiaries

This lady sounds exhausting and insufferable, and I�m not talking about the neighbor.

CheesyDog posted:

I've fallen for "clop" (MLP porn)... What went wrong in my brain? Should I stop or just give in? How bad can this hurt me? (self.sex)

submitted 2 days ago by liverpool222222

The bad news is, you want to gently caress children. The good news is, you�ve subjugated that desire and convinced yourself you only want to gently caress ponies with childlike qualities.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 16:19

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