/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Can I (38M) salvage a relationship with my (24F) GF who still can't be 100% honest with me?

quote:

I have been with my 24 yo gf for just over three years now. I am 39yo. I know that much of what I'm about to describe could be a result of the age difference but please hear me out. I'll try my best to condense as much as possible.

Background:

I met my gf at lounge she was serving at three years ago which mainly was a hangout for drunks with gambling addictions (because of an abundance of VLT's and servers that'd serve you until you're unconscious) and construction/trade workers (I fall into the latter). We hung out for awhile and ended up hitting it off. I was making 150k/year and spent many of my nights at lounges and planning my next vacation. Perhaps this is why we hit it off. My coworker bailed on a Mexico trip last minute and gave me his plane ticket so I decided to take my new gf. What a mistake. Her phone never left her face as we sat in the airport. Upon arrival it wasn't much different. She was constantly talking to someone. One night (NYE to be exact) we went out. She got blacked out and I carried her back to the hotel. Her phone was going crazy with texts. I went to turn it to silent and the message that was on the lock included words like "miss you", "beautiful"...etc...and was from another guy. I did the regrettable and looked through her messages. She was stringing along multiple guys via text, Instagram, Facebook, etc. Her ex was included in these guys. We were together for only a month at this time so, given her age and the short time we've been together I could somewhat relate but not really.

We made it through that but the road we were on was rough. My gf followed the path of deceit and lies for almost the next two years. This included lying to me about going to the bar and telling me she was at her place sleeping, partying with guys she met at work, and even a night she went out, got drunk and spent the night at her exes. She claims she's never physically cheated and I struggled with this, and to this day I'm not sure I totally believe that.

Fast forward to today and our relationship has gotten much better. Admittedly it's still not where I feel it could be but it's gotten exponentially better. We both switched our lines of work. I'm still in a trade related field but it's taken me from the city to a small town (200km, 124 miles) from the city we both lived in our entire lives and I couldn't be happier about the move. We have a small acreage and it's beautiful. My gf has even found full time work as a hair dresser at a quaint family owned salon which she really enjoys.

TL;DR My gf came home last night drunk from the salon she works at. The drive is 24km (15 miles) along the #1 highway (in Canada) which is the main highway and very busy. It's also winter and there are lots of wildlife on the highway, not to mention we have now passed a mandatory breath sample legislation. Meaning police can legally make you take a breathalyzer for any traffic stop. My gf was driving a vehicle that hasn't been paid off yet and is fairly new. She doesn't pay for this vehicle, or anything for that matter since I make most of the household income. All I require she pays is her student loans. If my gf got into an accident while drinking she'd have no insurance. This made me angry because I am very good with money and I feel this is a gamble that she's taken too many times. Also she has made friends with another girl at the salon who's recently moved her with her trade working husband. This woman has been screwing around and f###ing guys working on the pipeline in the area whom she's met at the salon and just local guys living around here. I obviously do not condone this behaviour at all.

So anyways, upon my gf getting home drunk I ask her how much she's had to drink because she's slurring her words. She tells me two drinks which I know is a lie. I immediately get angry because I figure we are past the lying in our relationship. I ask to see her phone. This is the first time I've asked to look in well over a year. I see text messages to the scandalous woman at the salon telling her to not mention to me about their drinking earlier since we were all going to hang out later that night. Then I see texts to the same woman encouraging her scandalous behaviour and to "go for it, he's a looker". This woman has two kids and a relationship of 14 years.

Now I'm questioning everything again. Does she act this way at the salon with the abundance of trade workers (600+ mainly male) in the area which she sees on a daily basis? If she's lying to me about how much she's drinking is she lying to me about more serious things? How can I trust her?

# ? Jan 6, 2019 04:33

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 15, 2024 17:18

13Pandora13: Nov 5, 2008; I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle

I know "emotional labor" as a phrase elicits eyerolling these days but that is 100% that guy's problem. And I guarantee if his GF hand-held him though not being an inconsiderate shitbag at every possible moment he'd be complaining about her nagging him to do stuff all the time.

Like, I don't know if it's that he "doesn't love her" so much as he doesn't realize that the world around him is filled with other fully actualized people who expect a certain degree of social reciprocity and basic politeness.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 04:34

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

jobson groeth posted:

It's totally normal, you're just not an engineer and don't get how logical it is to do exactly the gently caress what you want and ignore everything around you unless you stand to gain materially from it immediately.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 04:43

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Buy him a bidet set to "sidewalk cleaner"

# ? Jan 6, 2019 05:07

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

LadyPictureShow posted:

Can I (38M) salvage a relationship with my (24F) GF who still can't be 100% honest with me?

He needs to see her get mashed by a few dudes. That'll help him overcome his jealousy. Gotta strengthen himself.

She's probably a hard worker and a good woman if he'd get passed his own insecurities.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 05:24

empty sea: Jul 17, 2011; gonna saddle my seahorse and float out to the sunset

I'm having trouble understanding why "doesn't clean his rear end in a top hat" isn't an instant break up, change the locks and call the drat police if you need to sort of thing. Like, once? Or maybe blackout drunk or really sick or you broke your arms or you're in the woods, ok. But while you're in a house with ample toilet paper and a shower? gently caress you.

I'd rather be single with a dozen lizards all named Rebecca for the rest of my life than endure one second of swamp rear end sex. I had a friend who told me once that her boyfriend's balls stunk super bad and I was just like, "aaand why are you still blowing him???" I had to bitch at her for a week straight before she got the courage to force him to shower if he wasn't fresh.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 05:26

Hellsau: Jan 14, 2010; NEVER FUCKING TAKE A NIGHT OFF CLAN WARS.

When you have 12 lizard friends, you're never single.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 05:29

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

empty sea posted:

I'm having trouble understanding why "doesn't clean his rear end in a top hat" isn't an instant break up, change the locks and call the drat police if you need to sort of thing. Like, once? Or maybe blackout drunk or really sick or you broke your arms or you're in the woods, ok. But while you're in a house with ample toilet paper and a shower? gently caress you.

I'd rather be single with a dozen lizards all named Rebecca for the rest of my life than endure one second of swamp rear end sex. I had a friend who told me once that her boyfriend's balls stunk super bad and I was just like, "aaand why are you still blowing him???" I had to bitch at her for a week straight before she got the courage to force him to shower if he wasn't fresh.

I'm very conscious of ball bag odor. I wash mine twice a day. Deodorant isn't just for armpits either.

Also, it helps to shave as hair stores quite a bit of odor. If his mudbutt is too bad, he should get his anus waxed. It also makes wiping easier.

I always carry around body wipes. Just in case.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 05:31

Papa Emeritus III: Jul 7, 2017; [A MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

Dat's Pussy Trap, bitch!

_{_{Deal with it.}}

Seriously. Those Charmin wet wipes are great. No excuse to have a shitcake butthole, even if you're not around a shower.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 05:34

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

Papa Emeritus III posted:

Seriously. Those Charmin wet wipes are great. No excuse to have a shitcake butthole, even if you're not around a shower.

Yup. Totally agree. I also have an irrational fear of someone noticing my cock smell and immediately calling me out on it.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 05:36

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Salty Josh posted:

Yup. Totally agree. I also have an irrational fear of someone noticing my cock smell and immediately calling me out on it.

Use Scope.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 05:37

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

I (M27) broke up with my girlfriend(24) after 4.5 years before christmas because for the first time in 7 years I fell in love.

quote:

Hey there everyone, really looking for some advice. A little disclaimer, this is going to be a long one.

So about seven years ago I was in a relationship that ended and left me at the end of the world. I was broken beyond repair (at least that's how it felt).

After that I always tried to protect myself when it came to love. Had a couple of girls here and there but none of them where what I wanted. Eventually I met the girl who is now my ex. She was really in to me and I thought she was 'just ok'. We started having a relationship and although I knew from the start that it was never going to work out, she thought she found her soulmate. But then she got sick (developed some kind of hosophobia) after a year... Everything went down hill from that. I just couldn't leave her because she got sick. So I stayed by her side. Romance = gone. Intimacy = gone. But I just could not be 'that' guy who leaves his girlfriend when she gets sick. As time passed she kept getting better and better. And as the years progressed she wanted to pick up the things we couldn't have together due to her illness. But I just didn't...I didn't want to anymore. Not with her... So instead of being honest and open about it I blamed it all on myself. I thought to myself : "This girl is willing to do anything for me in this world, she loves me like no other. So the fact that I dont feel anything, is because there is something wrong with me." The fool that I was. I kept on going.

One of my best friends has ended his relationship a couple of months ago. He came by and we had a really good conversation. But when he started talking about his feelings, what he missed and what eventually led to the break up, I froze. Every little thing he said I recognized. He spoke things out loud that I kept buried for al this time. Thats when it hit me. If I don't do anything soon, I don't know if I ever will. The next day I woke up and realized this could not go on. I went to work and as I was doing my thing I noticed a female co worker of mine (Lets call her 'D') staring at me, sturning away with a shy smile. Something that she's been doing for a while, but that moment I felt something in my chest. I felt what is missing, I felt what I wanted all this time. I tried to convince myself that it was nothing. I even (the dumbass that I am) tried to get to know her better in the hope that I would realise that she meant nothing to me. But the more I spoke to her the more I started to feel for her. One thing was clear. No matter the outcome with D, I had to cut ties with my girl. I went to her place and told her that I lost the love I once felt. I told her I couldn't go on like this. This broke her heart. I felt like I was the most evil person on earth. I hated myself for that. But the next day... I woke up with a smile and I knew I made the right choice.

A couple of days past and I was feeling good about myself. Eventually I went to work and came across D. She was the only one who reacted to my news about the break up with a smile (like a really big one). And I just felt so confused. Because D is in a relationship herself.

D's body language is killing me. Like all the things girls do/can do to a guy when they are interested, she does them all to me. Constantly staring at me, everywhere I am. If I'm somewhere in an area she will make a short noice just so that I would look in her direction and see her smiling at me. She plays with her hair, chest, neck etc if she's talking to me. She moves her whole body in my direction when I'm talking to her. When she goes out to smoke she always takes her mobile with her but if she comes with me she always leaves it at her desk. If we are standing in a group she keeps her attention at her phone until everyone else is gone and then puts her phone away, looks at me and smiles, waiting for me to say something. Sounds great right? Guess again.

D is in a relationship herself. And apparently nobody (including herself) knows why. She keeps telling me what kind of an rear end in a top hat he is. How he mistreats her, how he doesn't love her, etc etc. I find it difficult to comment on those sort of things, because I don't want to cause any trouble in the love life of others. So last thursday I said to her: 'You know, every time you mention your BF, you always talk about something negative. But there must be a reason why you are still with him. So why dont you tell me something that's great about your BF, something that makes him worth your while'... She couldnt think of one thing...One fking thing... I looked at her, amazed, and she said: "yeah I know, all my friend are telling me to ditch that loser, even my mom'. Like wtf. A couple of days before she said that if he would ask her to merry her she would say yes. I don't get it. I really dont. When I asked her why she is still with him she replies:'I don't know, I truly don't. I will never trust him, never. But oh well, don't worry. We'll see. Everything will be alright'.

Thank you for making it to the end haha. So here is the question my dear redditors, what should I do? From one perspective I feel that I should just be thankful for D that she shown me what I was missing and just let her live her own life . But from an other perspective, she makes me feel great and I don't know how long it's gonna last before an other can give me that feeling (I dont fall in love easily). Her body language keeps tempting me, but her talk about her BF just makes me feel that I am getting this all wrong. Any advice?

TL;DR: I (M27) broke up with my girlfriend(24) after 4.5 years before christmas because for the first time in 7 years I fell in love.Don't know if I should continue pursuing this co worker of mine.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 05:38

Grape: Nov 16, 2017; Happily shilling for China!

La Brea Carpet posted:

Use Scope.

lol goddamn

# ? Jan 6, 2019 05:41

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

LadyPictureShow posted:

I (M27) broke up with my girlfriend(24) after 4.5 years before christmas because for the first time in 7 years I fell in love.

She is just using the poster to build confidence in herself so she can approach the 'rear end in a top hat' boyfriend the way she needs to. She uses the excitement and the allure she gets from this guy to make a better girlfriend for her current boyfriend. She lets him catch her smiling as bait.

I'm not saying it's wrong for her to do this, as guys do it all the time as well. I think that he needs to be as honest with her as possible.

He doesn't need to tell her that she was part of the reason he broke up with his chick or mention his ex at all. Once your love interest realizes that you care about them, they now have the upper hand. There is also a subconscious feeling that if he is into her then maybe he isn't the guy she's looking for.

If he's patient enough, he should ignore her for a while. So she knows what his absence feels like and feel like maybe his love is worth earning.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 05:44

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

Grape posted:

lol goddamn

Ordered some on Amazon. Should I apply with a rag or just dunk my junk in it like coloring easter eggs?

# ? Jan 6, 2019 05:45

Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

La Brea Carpet posted:

Use Scope.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 05:48

Nessa: Dec 15, 2008

jobson groeth posted:

It's totally normal, you're just not an engineer and don't get how logical it is to do exactly the gently caress what you want and ignore everything around you unless you stand to gain materially from it immediately.

Best roommate I ever had is an engineer and he regularly made dinner for me, even bringing food downstairs for me while I was working, in case I was hungry.

He still sometimes brings me tiramisu from the bakery, or a favourite snack of mine �just because�. He�ll pick up pretzels for my husband too.

I can totally understand the girl in that story wanting a boyfriend who is polite and very considerate of her wants and needs.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 05:52

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

Nessa posted:

Best roommate I ever had is an engineer and he regularly made dinner for me, even bringing food downstairs for me while I was working, in case I was hungry.

He still sometimes brings me tiramisu from the bakery, or a favourite snack of mine �just because�. He�ll pick up pretzels for my husband too.

I can totally understand the girl in that story wanting a boyfriend who is polite and very considerate of her wants and needs.

Jesus Christ. You lucked out.

I'd be getting the One Hour Photo vibe from that dude.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 05:55

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

Have we discussed this person that is being PERSECUTED by the police?

quote:

The car that I am a registered keeper in was caught speeding and I didn't respond to the notice of intended prosecution to identify the driver because I've been away from home. I didn't tell the police where I was because they would notify DVLA. I've been drinking but I've been going to support group to talk about addiction (AA). No one cares what I've been through I've been made to feel guilty of the woman I drove over and keep having flashbacks of the night. I'm getting CBT therapy from the NHS but I only get one every 90 days so I need to go to them. Is this a defence that will work?. I was invited to a police interview and cautioned and my solicitor didn't help me and told me to shut the gently caress up - called me a daft twat for going into the interview. I'm going to get 6 points and then automatically get disqualified again. I'm skint ATM and already spent �400 on passing a medical test and repassing my test. I need it for work and to see my family. Please help. Will the magistrate listen to me this time?

# ? Jan 6, 2019 06:01

Flannelette: Jan 17, 2010

LadyPictureShow posted:

I (M27) broke up with my girlfriend(24) after 4.5 years before christmas because for the first time in 7 years I fell in love.

Aye ~~fly into the sun~~ date a co-worker, can't possibly go wrong.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 06:01

Papa Emeritus III: Jul 7, 2017; [A MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

Dat's Pussy Trap, bitch!

_{_{Deal with it.}}

The Lone Badger posted:

Have we discussed this person that is being PERSECUTED by the police?

quote:

No one cares what I've been through I've been made to feel guilty of the woman I drove over and keep having flashbacks of the night.

...oh, you poor thing

# ? Jan 6, 2019 06:08

Porfiriato: Jan 4, 2016

The Lone Badger posted:

Have we discussed this person that is being PERSECUTED by the police?

Been a while since we had a good "spot the buried lede" even if it's only 4 sentences in.

Also lmao at this clown being called a "daft twat" by even his own lawyer.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 06:10

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

Known Lecher posted:

Been a while since we had a good "spot the buried lede" even if it's only 4 sentences in.

Also lmao at this clown being called a "daft twat" by even his own lawyer.

Daft twat is a very good cut down.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 06:11

HMS Beagle: Feb 13, 2009

I (F 28) started dating a guy (39) who told me he has a son of 12 years. He was amazing and we were getting serious, but today he confessed to me he doesn't have a son and has been lying about it the whole time.

quote:

So we met two months ago, started dating regularly, having lots of fun and affection. He told me at the beginning that he has a son from previous marriage, that his son is 12 years old from his previous relationship and that he visits him twice a month.

After getting to know him better, I asked to see the pictures of his son, but he said he just bought a new phone and still hasn't synchronized it with the old one.

Couple of weeks later I asked him if he is planning on spending time with his son, to which he replied that mother was taking him on a winter trip or something similar.

It was kind of weird to me that he speaks so little about his son, and I was a bit worried that he isn't much of a good father, which made me have second thoughts about being in a relationship with that kind of person.

All of this aside, I could really feel he started having real emotions about me, he wanted to spend all of our free time together, showing affection and care all the time, which made me more curious about his totally ignoring his child's existence.

So today I finally confronted him about it. I told him I don't understand how he can be so little involved in his son's life, why he doesn't see him more often and so on.

He listened to me in silence and then confessed he didn't have a son at all, and that he was making it up the whole time.

I flipped out, I felt so betrayed and confused so I immediately left. Since then he has been trying to contact me, but I ignore his calls and texts - in which he wrote that he can explain why he lied if we meet in person.

I possibly can't imagine a single reason that could justify his lying about having a son, which is why I don't even want to meet with him.

But I'm here for possibly more objective opinions; do you guys think I should meet with him and hear him out? Or, is this the flaming red flag and should I just run away and break all contact?

TL;DR: My new boyfriend told me he had a son. After some time I became a bit suspicious, so today I asked him about his son. He confessed that it was a lie, that he doesn't have a son and he was lying about it the whole time. Should I give him a chance to explain?

# ? Jan 6, 2019 06:35

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

HMS Beagle posted:

I (F 28) started dating a guy (39) who told me he has a son of 12 years. He was amazing and we were getting serious, but today he confessed to me he doesn't have a son and has been lying about it the whole time.

Plot twist: the son is real, but the dad is a total deadbeat and is hoping claiming he lied will get him off the hook with the new girlfriend

# ? Jan 6, 2019 06:38

Barudak: May 7, 2007

This dude is pulling off the scammer trick of misspelling everything to ensure only idiots respond but for relationships

# ? Jan 6, 2019 06:39

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Known Lecher posted:

Been a while since we had a good "spot the buried lede" even if it's only 4 sentences in.

Also lmao at this clown being called a "daft twat" by even his own lawyer.

A lot of time the lawyer's advice is "Don't talk to the police, let me talk to the police for you, if you ever want to talk to the police make sure I am there with you to make sure you don't gently caress up" and then this daft twat talks to the police without his lawyer.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 06:41

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

Antivehicular posted:

Plot twist: the son is real, but the dad is a total deadbeat and is hoping claiming he lied will get him off the hook with the new girlfriend

I was thinking the same thing.😎

# ? Jan 6, 2019 06:42

Papa Emeritus III: Jul 7, 2017; [A MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

Dat's Pussy Trap, bitch!

_{_{Deal with it.}}

Salty Josh posted:

I was thinking the same thing.😎

# ? Jan 6, 2019 06:43

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

holy poo poo did not expect multiple goons to be all "oh yeah I carry around baby wipes because otherwise I can't clean my rear end properly"

guys, baby wipes are designed that way to make cleaning a kicking and screaming infant as fast and easy as possible, you should be able to clean yourself just as well with regular toilet paper, there have to be some instructional videos or something that can help you if it's really a problem

# ? Jan 6, 2019 06:50

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

Salty Josh posted:

Ordered some on Amazon. Should I apply with a rag or just dunk my junk in it like coloring easter eggs?

woosh

# ? Jan 6, 2019 07:10

Barudak: May 7, 2007

QuarkJets posted:

holy poo poo did not expect multiple goons to be all "oh yeah I carry around baby wipes because otherwise I can't clean my rear end properly"

guys, baby wipes are designed that way to make cleaning a kicking and screaming infant as fast and easy as possible, you should be able to clean yourself just as well with regular toilet paper, there have to be some instructional videos or something that can help you if it's really a problem

Look I use a bidet, toilet paper, babywipes, and a shower and still I feel it, the filth, crawling all over me.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 07:14

Grape: Nov 16, 2017; Happily shilling for China!

Salty Josh posted:

Ordered some on Amazon. Should I apply with a rag or just dunk my junk in it like coloring easter eggs?

ahahahahahaha, whoosh

# ? Jan 6, 2019 07:18

PancakeTransmission: May 27, 2007; You gotta improvise, Lisa: cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust...; Plaster Town Cop

Megillah Gorilla posted:

Holy poo poo, this guy's an idiot.

20% pay rise wasn't enough

Also "cost the company 75% of its business" yet they let him keep his job and now goes behind his boss' back to bitch about his massive raise which he then hosed himself out of.

Someone take him out back, dig a ditch and do the needful. This man does not need to walk the earth.

Dude got demoted, has finally started to rise again, and decided 20% wasn't enough. What a moron. This might be an actual case of Dunning-Kruger.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 07:21

Nessa: Dec 15, 2008

Salty Josh posted:

Jesus Christ. You lucked out.

I'd be getting the One Hour Photo vibe from that dude.

We�ve known him for years. He bought a house 5 minutes away, so he practically still lives here. Frequently cooks nice dinners for us and cleans all my dishes. He�s a godsend and one of our closest friends.

He does find it strange that most of the women I know want to �borrow him�. He really undervalues his skills in cooking, cleaning and general emotional labour. He doesn�t really understand that most men aren�t studious housekeepers, handymen and excellent cooks.

He made us coquille St. Jacques for Christmas dinner and it was loving fantastic.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 07:29

Pirate Radar: Apr 18, 2008; You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!

QuarkJets posted:

holy poo poo did not expect multiple goons to be all "oh yeah I carry around baby wipes because otherwise I can't clean my rear end properly"

guys, baby wipes are designed that way to make cleaning a kicking and screaming infant as fast and easy as possible, you should be able to clean yourself just as well with regular toilet paper, there have to be some instructional videos or something that can help you if it's really a problem

I hear you, I hear you, but also, living in Asia has made me really appreciate butt guns and bidets and so on.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 07:46

Papa Emeritus III: Jul 7, 2017; [A MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

Dat's Pussy Trap, bitch!

_{_{Deal with it.}}

QuarkJets posted:

holy poo poo did not expect multiple goons to be all "oh yeah I carry around baby wipes because otherwise I can't clean my rear end properly"

guys, baby wipes are designed that way to make cleaning a kicking and screaming infant as fast and easy as possible, you should be able to clean yourself just as well with regular toilet paper, there have to be some instructional videos or something that can help you if it's really a problem

Disagree if you like but I'd rather trust a charmin wet wipe instead of multiple wads of dry TP for mud butt. And it's a handy item for dealing with menstrual stuff. Feeling clean owns.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 07:50

Switchback: Jul 23, 2001

QuarkJets posted:

holy poo poo did not expect multiple goons to be all "oh yeah I carry around baby wipes because otherwise I can't clean my rear end properly"

guys, baby wipes are designed that way to make cleaning a kicking and screaming infant as fast and easy as possible, you should be able to clean yourself just as well with regular toilet paper, there have to be some instructional videos or something that can help you if it's really a problem

Also I�m sure at this rate of usage, some of these motherfuckers are flushing them down the toilet. There�s no such thing as �flushable wipes� and they are loving up sewer systems all around the world.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 07:50

Papa Emeritus III: Jul 7, 2017; [A MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

Dat's Pussy Trap, bitch!

_{_{Deal with it.}}

Whoever is dumb enough to flush them instead of throwing them away deserves to deal with unclogging the toilet. :colbert:

# ? Jan 6, 2019 07:53

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 15, 2024 17:18

Kak: Sep 27, 2002

Papa Emeritus III posted:

Whoever is dumb enough to flush them instead of throwing them away deserves to deal with unclogging the toilet.

Yeah, I don't want shitpaper sitting around in my trashcan.

# ? Jan 6, 2019 07:53

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »