/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

hevnz 2 murgatroyd posted:

He said "Lol", what else do you want?

Actually, he said Lola.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 18:15

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 30, 2024 19:11

PostNouveau: Sep 3, 2011; VY till I die; Grimey Drawer

areyoucontagious posted:

Pretend I posted a long, loud parade of red flags complete with floats and the blue angels

Santa's at the end holding a banner that says "your friend is loving nuts"

PostNouveau fucked around with this message at 18:20 on Mar 29, 2019

# ? Mar 29, 2019 18:18

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Leon Einstein posted:

Actually, he said Lola.

They were drinking champagne and it tasted just like cherry cola

C-O-L-A cola

wow the lyrics to that song have NOT aged well

# ? Mar 29, 2019 18:19

Rubellavator: Aug 16, 2007

Her friend is insane and that whole conversation and her retelling of it is infuriating to read.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 18:26

Dazerbeams: Jul 8, 2009

Too bad the wife can't talk about this with her comedian husband.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 18:32

Biohazard: Apr 17, 2002

Yeah there's something really weird about the OP's retelling of the story. The way she describes the husband's reaction just doesn't read as the real story.

Dazerbeams posted:

Too bad the wife can't talk about this with her comedian husband.

lol

# ? Mar 29, 2019 18:39

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

I got embarrassingly far through that before realizing he was asking how to get back with his ex after nobly whitefanging her.

https://youtu.be/VLBM8bEcnYc

# ? Mar 29, 2019 18:43

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

It's clogged toilet week on reddit

I hosted my (M46) brother (M48) and sister (F51) in law in my house. They were terrible guests, were disrespectful and broke our 1 rule, not to use our toilet. After their daughter clogged my en suite toilet flushing pads I asked them to leave. Now they�ve pitied our family against us and want money

quote:

My wife�s sister , her husband and two teenage daughters came over to stay with us for a few weeks while they�re renovating their house.

Our son is away in college so we put my nieces in his room, and my in-laws in the attic which has a big sofa bed in it. There�s no bathroom in the attic or in our son�s room, but there�s a bathroom in the second floor that they can all use.

The problem we had is that none of them liked using the second floor bathroom and would only use my wife�s and I en suite bathroom in our bedroom. We made it very clear from the first day that we have no problem with them staying over but there were some boundaries that had to be respected in order for us to get along and not get on each other�s faces. We told them our bedroom and our bathroom were off limits because that�s our private space. They ignored this and started using our bathroom.

On the very first day I went use my bathroom and saw a poo poo floating in it. I let it go because I thought it was a mistake. But they kept using our bathroom and mistakes kept happening. We kept finding unflushed poops, unflushed pees and sanitary items inside the toilet.

Apparently this is common for them. It kept going on for a solid week. My wife and I tried to keep the peace at home. We thought we had to be the bigger person and try to work it out so we could all be under the same room without murdering each other. But still, they kept using our toilet and denying it. When confronted they had the nerve to play the victim and say we were making them feel like they were a trouble for us and they�d never disrespect our house rules.

Yesterday one of my nieces calls me over and says something�s up with our toilet that�s clogged and I should fix it. I go over there and see 2 bloody pads clogging the toilet so I told her to pull them out. She started crying and screaming that I was abusing her because I was forcing her to touch something where everybody was doing their business. My in-laws came running when they heard her scream and started saying what the gently caress is my problem why can�t I just pay for a plumber to come fix it instead of making their daughter do it herself.

I reached breaking point and told them to get the gently caress out, they aren�t fit to live with others, they�re loving pigs for never flushing their poo poo and asked if they have a scat fetish and get off in my wife and I having to find their poo poo in our toilet. They got very offended and we got into a screaming match but I tried to collect myself (I had a stroke last year) and told them to just get the gently caress out.

Now the rest of the family is blaming me because they have to pay for a hotel for the 4 of them for at least 1 month until they can move back into their house. So apparently it�s my fault they�re gonna run out of money. Not that any of them is offering them their house though.

Last night I sent my brother in law a text demanding he pays the plumber's bill for unclogging the toilet but he refused saying I kicked them out my house causing them to spend the rest of the little money they had in a hotel plus food for 4 people for at least a month. Not only that be he had the nerve to say I should reimburse him the money he has to spend in a hotel and food now because they didn�t count with having to spend any money while they would have been at our house and this is setting them back a lot.

In no world am I gonna pay him any money when his entire family is the ones who hosed up. Plus they�ve pitied my wife�s side of the family against us (particularly me), I�ve been getting texts from them belittling me and telling me how horrible I am.

I want to take it to a small courts claim out of principle, but maybe it�d be taking it too far? My wife says it's time to go no contact with her family and I support her but I'm afraid she might regret it in the future if she cuts out her whole family. Her family is not very all there but it�s her family. How can we deal with this?

TL;DR Extended family stayed over at our house. Broke our only rule which was not to come into our room and use our en suite toilet. Left their business there for us to see and had the cheek to deny it afterwards. Their daughter clogged my toilet and I lost it. I kicked them out my house and demanded they pay the plumber's bill, which they refuse since because of us now they don't have any money and in return want me to pay their hotel bill.

Edit Reuploaded with a new title because I realized the other title I used wasn�t clear enough what was happening.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 18:55

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

Her unwillingness to just say "no I'm not ok with it" after the 2nd or 3rd time Lola asks instead of continuing the circular argument probably reflects why Lola thinks this is ok. OP thinks not giving explicit permission and passive aggressive responses makes her not a doormat, but she's wrong.

That's why it reads weird. The tone is "I shut my friend down for hitting on my husband, just really embarrassed her did I go to far?" but the content is "I told my friend to just go ahead and hit on my husband and stop bothering me about it, I think my husband kind of told her no and she sulked a bit."

Peaceful Anarchy fucked around with this message at 19:10 on Mar 29, 2019

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:04

wizardofloneliness: Dec 30, 2008

Why the gently caress wouldn't you flush your poo poo? Why would you just leave it floating there? Who does that? You're not supposed to flush pads either, jeez. What's wrong with these people and why don't they know how to use a toilet?

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:10

sephiRoth IRA: Jun 13, 2007; "Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

Her unwillingness to just say "no I'm not ok with it" after the 2nd or 3rd time Lola asks instead of continuing the circular argument probably reflects why Lola thinks this is ok. OP thinks not giving explicit permission and passive aggressive responses makes her not a doormat, but she's wrong.

That's why it reads weird. The tone is "I shut my friend down for hitting on my husband, just really embarrassed her did I go to far?" but the content is "I told my friend to just go ahead and hit on my husband and stop bothering me about it, I think my husband kind of told her no and she sulked a bit."

A �go gently caress yourself Lola, stay away from my husband� would work wonders here.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:13

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

what in the world is wrong with these people who keep stopping their partners from cutting off content with loving human lampreys because they "might regret it in the future"? What scenario ends with someone going "o, woe is me, if only Aunt Blumpkin was still here to clog my toilet right now!"

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:14

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

caterpillaropera posted:

I (32F) think that my friend (30F) has a crush on my husband (32F) despite her telling me she doesn’t. What happened at my birthday party last night feels as if it’s gone too far?

Man that was a whole lot of dumb poo poo that she led off with that had nothing to do with her thesis but drat if she didn't come through eventually!

tactlessbastard fucked around with this message at 19:18 on Mar 29, 2019

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:15

UZR IS BULLSHIT: Jan 25, 2004

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

Her unwillingness to just say "no I'm not ok with it" after the 2nd or 3rd time Lola asks instead of continuing the circular argument probably reflects why Lola thinks this is ok. OP thinks not giving explicit permission and passive aggressive responses makes her not a doormat, but she's wrong.

That's why it reads weird. The tone is "I shut my friend down for hitting on my husband, just really embarrassed her did I go to far?" but the content is "I told my friend to just go ahead and hit on my husband and stop bothering me about it, I think my husband kind of told her no and she sulked a bit."

As I was reading that post I kept getting more and more annoyed until I kinda wanted the story to end with her getting cheated on and this perfectly explains why.

The number of times she told us about her telling Lola that Steve was tired and her tire would be fine was maddening.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:15

Dazerbeams: Jul 8, 2009

DemoneeHo posted:

It's clogged toilet week on reddit

I hosted my (M46) brother (M48) and sister (F51) in law in my house. They were terrible guests, were disrespectful and broke our 1 rule, not to use our toilet. After their daughter clogged my en suite toilet flushing pads I asked them to leave. Now they�ve pitied our family against us and want money

Despite the entire family rallying behind the Cloggers, not a single one of them offered to put them up so they're forced to stay at a hotel. Kinda telling.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:19

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

UZR IS BULLSHIT posted:

The number of times she told us about her telling Lola that Steve was tired and her tire would be fine was maddening.

I guess even the most boring people in the world can get up to no good (the tire is fine)

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:20

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Dr. S.O. Feelgood posted:

Why the gently caress wouldn't you flush your poo poo? Why would you just leave it floating there? Who does that? You're not supposed to flush pads either, jeez. What's wrong with these people and why don't they know how to use a toilet?

To mark my territory and prevent other males from trying to encroach on my men.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:20

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

areyoucontagious posted:

Pretend I posted a long, loud parade of red flags complete with floats and the blue angels

We really should paint the planes red and call them the Red Angels for this.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:20

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

UZR IS BULLSHIT posted:

As I was reading that post I kept getting more and more annoyed until I kinda wanted the story to end with her getting cheated on and this perfectly explains why.

The number of times she told us about her telling Lola that Steve was tired and her tire would be fine was maddening.

At least she didn't pull her hair back like girls do in a pony tail except she didn't put it into a pony tail, and mom made us go in the pool.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:22

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

When I read the title I thought I was going to be against some weird super-territorial home owner who doesn't want guests using anything but their poorly kept pleb toilet.

Not flushing shits? Trying to flush pads?! Those are crimes against both bathrooms and plumbing, the family should be banned from living anywhere with plumbing and forced to live int he woods like the animals they are.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:27

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for wanting him to keep his furry in check?

Wanting to wear the fursuit you fornicated (furnicated?) in out in public, lmao

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:28

Agrikk: Oct 17, 2003; Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

/r/relationships: The tire is fine

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:29

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Dazerbeams posted:

Despite the entire family rallying behind the Cloggers, not a single one of them offered to put them up so they're forced to stay at a hotel. Kinda telling.

They're upset because the babysitters up and quit without notice.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:33

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

My (19f) mom offered me money to take my stepbrother (18m) out on �fake dates� to �build his confidence�

quote:

First let me tell you a bit about my stepbrother. He�s really not a pleasant person at all, basically your typical nice guy. He�s very arrogant, sexist, extremely socially awkward and complains about being a virgin all the time. We had a decent relationship in the past but in the last 3-4 years things just got worse. He started drinking a lot and barely leaves his room now.

One day we were out in public and someone mistook us for a couple, it was awkward anyway but what�s worse is that he literally wouldn�t shut up about it the whole day. A few days later he got really drunk and said that we�re �technically not related� and that we wouldn�t have �r*tarded babies� if we did �it�. Afterwards our relationship went downhill. I just don�t like being around him at all. Besides, he called my bf a douchebag and said I�m shallow. That�s only the MILD stuff he said to me.

My mom always tells him that he�s amazing and that girls are just missing out but we all know she�s lying. She�s really worried about his mental health and made him get therapy. He stopped attending the sessions very early on and she paid him money to attend. I don�t think he even goes tbh.

A few days ago she sat me down and said we need to talk about him. She offered me money to take him out on �fake� dates to help him get more confident. I couldn�t believe she asked me to do that and told her that it�s very uncomfortable and weird. She said that it�s perfectly acceptable and that he�d be more comfortable with me since we know each other already. She said that I should give him tips on how to behave, things to say etc. I was like nope.

I�m definitely not gonna do it but she keeps telling me that I should consider his mental health and try to help him out. This is hosed up right? I mean I find it very weird and don�t understand why she thinks this is a good idea.

TL;DR My stepbrother is a nice guy who doesn�t have any luck with girls. My mom wants me to take him out on fake dates to help him build his confidence and I declined. She keeps bringing it up and said that I should do it to help him out. I�m not comfortable with this at all.

Do not let your mother pimp you out to your stepbrother

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:40

PostNouveau: Sep 3, 2011; VY till I die; Grimey Drawer

DemoneeHo posted:

My (19f) mom offered me money to take my stepbrother (18m) out on �fake dates� to �build his confidence�

Do not let your mother pimp you out to your stepbrother

She describes a "nice guy" who's had bad luck in the TL;DR but a jerk in the actual post.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:45

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

that's what nice guy means

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:49

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

r/sex
I (22F) asked my boyfriend (23M) if we could do a roleplay in bed and now he�s acting weird
u/bibbidybobbidybooo

quote:

I posted this in r/relationships but they removed it pretty much right away and I�m not sure why. Hopefully you guys can help me out though!

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. We started being sexually active a few months ago and he was my first. He�s been with several other girls before me so he has more experience which is nice because he knows what he�s doing.

Anyway, last week we were talking about our fantasies and I told him that I wanted to do a Star Wars roleplay where I was his padawan. He got super weird about it and said he wasn�t into it and since then we haven�t had sex. That�s strange for us because we usually do it at least a couple times a week, and I�ve tried to initiate a couple times. I asked him if something was wrong and he said no. I asked him if it had anything to do with me telling him about my fantasy and he said no again but he paused beforehand and he didn�t sound as genuine. And yesterday I was reading a Star Wars novel and he made a really weird comment asking me if I was getting off on it, and then said never mind when I asked him to repeat himself.

I don�t know what went wrong, but I�m feeling really nervous because I opened up to him about what I consider to be a very embarrassing fantasy and he just cut me off. I really don�t mind that he doesn�t want to do it, but I just wish he�d communicate with me. Is it really that weird to bring up a roleplay like that? Is there some way I could have offended him? I just want to understand why he might have reacted the way he did so that I can approach the conversation in a way that will make it easier for him to talk to me about it.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:52

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Yeah, "nice guy" in this context means "bitter jerkass who feels entitled to women" -- see also his hitting on his loving stepsister -- but I'm kind of guessing the mom has a hand in it. Who the gently caress asks their stepdaughter to "fake date" their son, let alone tries to bribe her?

EDIT: oh no roleplay girl pull up NOOOOOOOO

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:53

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

My boyfriend [23M] admitted that he started dating me [23F] just so he could attend his ex-girlfriend's wedding as my date.

quote:

I've known my boyfriend ever since first year of university, so 4 years. He used to date this girl, who was also part of our friend circle. In third year, he cheated on her at a party and she immediately broke up with him. Just a month or two later, this girl met another guy and started dating him.

A few months before their wedding, my now boyfriend asked me out on a date. I had feelings for him for quite some time so I said yes. We started going out. When the wedding invitations came out, he wasn't invited. So he convinced me to take him to the wedding as his plus one. I asked him why he even wanted to attend the wedding, and he said he just wanted to get together with all our friends. He even asked the bride (his ex) for her blessing and he told me she was cool with it.

So I took him. The wedding was a year ago. I should have known something was up because the bride made a face when she saw him, and she didn't speak to either of us the whole night. I didn't think more of it. Yesterday, I had lunch with the bride since she was visiting my city. She asked me if I was still dating my boyfriend, and I said yes. She said, "Im glad you're happy, it was weird seeing him at my wedding because I didn't know you were dating him, but you two looked so great together."

I told her I thought my boyfriend had asked if it was okay for him to attend her wedding. She looked at me weirdly and said he never spoke to her about it. Later, at home, I asked my BF to give me the truth and he confessed that yes, originally, he lied to me so I could bring him as his date to his ex's wedding. He said he was still not over her at the time, but that he is 100% over her now and only has feelings for me.

So basically the only reason he started dating me was so he could get into his ex's wedding. But he swears he's with me now because he's grown to genuinely care for me (in his words).

What should I do? I do think he's telling the truth about loving me but I can't get over the real reason why he asked me out.

TL;DR: Bf confessed that the true reason he asked me out was so he could get into my friend (his ex-girlfriend)'s wedding.

It's like a classic romcom. Break out the champagne to celebrate your relationship :confuoot:

# ? Mar 29, 2019 19:56

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

caterpillaropera posted:

I (32F) think that my friend (30F) has a crush on my husband (32F) despite her telling me she doesn�t. What happened at my birthday party last night feels as if it�s gone too far?

No chance that this story doesn't end with Lola and hubby regularly having steamy rear end sex, and the dude going "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"

# ? Mar 29, 2019 20:06

Rubellavator: Aug 16, 2007

Power Khan posted:

No chance that this story doesn't end with Lola and hubby regularly having steamy rear end sex, and the dude going "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"

"SHE SAID YOU GAVE HER PERMISSION"

# ? Mar 29, 2019 20:08

UZR IS BULLSHIT: Jan 25, 2004

CheesyDog posted:

r/sex
I (22F) asked my boyfriend (23M) if we could do a roleplay in bed and now he�s acting weird
u/bibbidybobbidybooo

Holy poo poo lol, the first spoiler had me set up to expect the obvious, and then that second one just sucker punched me from behind. Well done

# ? Mar 29, 2019 20:08

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

DemoneeHo posted:

Wanting to wear the fursuit you fornicated (furnicated?) in out in public, lmao

actually, he didn't! According to the comments, the BF had a sexual fursuit and a non-sex fursuit. So he wanted to wear the chaste one to meet her parents.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 20:24

sephiRoth IRA: Jun 13, 2007; "Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

CheesyDog posted:

r/sex
I (22F) asked my boyfriend (23M) if we could do a roleplay in bed and now he�s acting weird
u/bibbidybobbidybooo

So, JK/P role play? Let me cut up your bantha for you little one *draws lightsaber*

:chloe:

Edit: there doesn�t appear to be a forum for this kink but I only googled a little bit before chickening out

sephiRoth IRA fucked around with this message at 20:30 on Mar 29, 2019

# ? Mar 29, 2019 20:27

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

CheesyDog posted:

r/sex
I (22F) asked my boyfriend (23M) if we could do a roleplay in bed and now he�s acting weird
u/bibbidybobbidybooo

Bf does a good job not having sex.

Echuta

# ? Mar 29, 2019 20:31

keep punching joe: Jan 22, 2006; Die Satan!

If he loved her he'd suck it up and buy a lightsabre.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 20:32

sephiRoth IRA: Jun 13, 2007; "Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

keep punching joe posted:

If he loved her he'd suck it up and buy a lightsabre.

More like fleshlightsaber :mmmhmm:

# ? Mar 29, 2019 20:33

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Smirking_Serpent posted:

actually, he didn't! According to the comments, the BF had a sexual fursuit and a non-sex fursuit. So he wanted to wear the chaste one to meet her parents.

It is fine and normal. I am not going to wear the crotchless suit. What kind of animal do you think I am?

# ? Mar 29, 2019 20:35

hevnz 2 murgatroyd: Apr 13, 2018; by Smythe

DemoneeHo posted:

My (19f) mom offered me money to take my stepbrother (18m) out on �fake dates� to �build his confidence�

My Fair Manbaby

# ? Mar 29, 2019 20:36

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 30, 2024 19:11

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

CheesyDog posted:

r/sex
I (22F) asked my boyfriend (23M) if we could do a roleplay in bed and now he�s acting weird
u/bibbidybobbidybooo

# ? Mar 29, 2019 20:43

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »