/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

DeadMansSuspenders: Jan 10, 2012; I wanna be your left hand man

Me 23 F with my partner 23 M 3 years, he wants to pay me a wage not to work. I find it offensive.

quote:

Recently, I've been offered a change in my working hours. It would result in me going from being a shift worker who does three 12 hour shifts a week to being basically a 9-5er and earning around $120 more a fortnight

One of the benefits of the shift work was that my partner also does shift work so if the planets aligned we would offend have 2 or 3 full weekdays together.

However with this new roster I would earn me money (we are saving for a house deposit) also, the position on my current roster is in some jeopardy a the contract expires soon. This position would also last only a few months, then I would be back to some form of shift work.

So this was offered to me. I told my partner about it, he said he didn't want to lose the extra time together but it was my decision in the end.

I decided to take the position and told my boss. One of the motivating factors is that when we fight about money, my partner brings up the fact that I don't earn as much as him, he pays for me etc. recently, before this new position was offered I tried to rectify this by applying for a job that was going at Pizza Hut to supplement my hours. My partner told me he wouldn't "let" me get a job there.

Anyway. I tell my partner I've decided to take the position. While it will cut into some of our time together it will also free up a few hours in the morning and afternoons, and I would have weekends and public holidays off for the first time in several years.

My partner is very angry about my decision. He wants me to change my mind and tell my boss I won't take the new position. I am angry because he told me it was my choice. Now I feel like my opinion on my job means nothing at all. And I don't have a say in what happens in my life.

I told him I wanted to earn the extra money, for some of the reasons mentioned above. He told me he would rather pay me the same amount to not work and stay home/stay with him.

I have a problem with this for a few reasons

Doing this doesnt actually generate any additional money
It takes away some of my financial independence. I'd be relying in him to give me my "allowance". What if he decides he's not happy with me, I just end up out of pocket?
I find it demeaning. I'm not some housewive from the 1950s or some ridiculous concubine. I have legitimate skills and abilities that I get paid for, I don't want to earn my money by simply existing in my partners presence.

Am I crazy for being pissed off about this? Should I be happy my partner would give up wages to keep me around? What should I do.

UPDATE- whoa! This thread went nuts overnight. If I haven't replied yet to you personally, I want to thank you all for your perspective and the time you've put in to helping me hash this situation out and understand where I stand on it. Thanks guys!

tl;dr: My partner wants to pay me an allowance to stay with him rather than accept extra hours at work and lose time together. I feel like its demeaning and is if he isn't treating me like and equal. What is your perspective?

# ? Apr 2, 2019 21:52

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# ? May 15, 2024 11:18

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

formatting is from the original post.
Me [27M] with My Girlfriend [26F] of 5 Years, I Hate That She is a Dog Abandoner

Wanna take this woman to the "no kill" shelter for unnecessary girlfriends

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My boss [50s m] sent me [22f] a very creepy text, I responded angrier than I should have.

When I was in the Uber, I got a text from my current boss Daniel, he was calling me beautiful, that he adored my body, saying he couldn�t get his mind off me, said he could tell I felt similarly.

(WTF NO)

That was so out of the blue and unwanted for me. Plus, I was already in a sour mood about having been harassed out of my past job. So I kinda spiralled mentally. Thinking �Not again, I just left a place because of this bullshit, I can�t believe this is happening again, gently caress you.� I guess my anger at how stuff ended at my last job compounded with my anger at having gotten that text from my boss, and my fear that I�d go through the same thing again�

I was so panicked that I was shaking all over and was having trouble typing, but I managed to slowly type out �go to hell you wrinkly c***, don� you ever text me again, don�t you ever loving think for one minute that you can put your hands on me, or even loving look at me the wrong way. if you try poo poo with me at work i will defend my self with everything i have.� I felt really good for the first few seconds after I sent it, I�d regretted not standing up for myself more at my last job so it felt so good to get my uncensored thoughts out. But then it hit me how I may have majorly hosed up. And then I blocked my boss�s number.

Nah you're golden and your response was absolutely appropriate. I would leave it where it is for now if he's learned his lesson (an open question, definitely).

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA For hating my mom for making me share a bed with her.

So my mom and I have been living in a 1 bdrm for some years. I turn 17 in a few months. My mom first couldn�t afford to get a second bed when we first moved but i was young (9) so it didn�t matter. Once I turned maybe 13-14 I started to speak up at how most kids my age at least sleeps in their own bed.

Let me clarify we are in no way, shape, or form broke. My mom earns a decent amount of money every week. Each time she has an excuse as to why she can�t get a bed for me. I know I might sound ungrateful but there�s many reasons why I NEED my own bed at least.

For one she snores, so there�s nights i�m up til 4 am tossing and turning. 2, she likes to cuddle me and I do not like that. I�ve told her maybe a 10-15 minutes is fine but not no 2-3 hours. She�ll get angry at me and call me selfish for not wanting to hug/cuddle her.

We�ve got a futon couch in the living room. But i can�t sleep there because she says it�ll ruin it... even though it�s made for sleeping. There�s been nights that I slept on the floor in order to get a good nights rest.

I don�t want to make it seem like I hate her with every bone in me because i don�t. I just hate her for making me share a bed with her for almost 10 years. She even brags about it to others like it�s something to be proud of. �Well MY daughter and I still sleep together� it�s quite embarrassing.

legit scary

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for saying my religion is the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

So for a class discussion we had to do a short presentation on something we have a strong belief in. Could be religion, politics, etc.

I (16M) am an atheist and chose Pastafarianism, which is the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster 👾 as my religion.

The whole class was laughing except two students who were strict Muslim and Christian.

My teacher asked "Are you just doing this as a joke or to prove some point?" so I admitted I was. I then calmly explained why I thought religions such as Christianity and Islam were dumb, which made the two students look even angrier at me.

Teacher had a word with me after me class and said don't pull that poo poo again. I said okay, but it's still within my free speech to say all religion, especially monotheistic ones (Islam, Judaism and Christianity) are evil. My teacher is a Christian and he looked a bit pissed so said I need to stay on focus/topic.

As it stands, I already get good grades. His class is the one I don't take seriously tbh, mostly because of the nonsense subject matter on the module and partly because he's a Christian but I calmly explained my points AITA?

You're an intolerable smartass at the very least. Maybe slow your roll a bit and try to learn from the people around you.

Blade Runner posted:

Well the man has to be the one at fault for this somehow

wont someone think of the men :negative:

# ? Apr 2, 2019 21:54

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

Me 23 F with my partner 23 M 3 years, he wants to pay me a wage not to work. I find it offensive.

Your partner is a misogynistic piece of trash but you used the word "fortnight" so really you're both at fault here

# ? Apr 2, 2019 21:56

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Being accused of misogyny every time a woman does something insanely lovely and a person comes in to try and pin it on the dude somehow is straight retarded

"Well she murdered and ate his cat but she probably had a good reason it's more than likely his fault somehow"

"maybe she's just crazy"

"Uh wow, GBS hates women, geeze"

# ? Apr 2, 2019 21:59

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

Blade Runner posted:

Your partner is a misogynistic piece of trash but you used the word "fortnight" so really you're both at fault here

Eh, it is actually one of the only times using it makes sense. I can forgive it.

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:06

wizardofloneliness: Dec 30, 2008

Blade Runner posted:

Your partner is a misogynistic piece of trash but you used the word "fortnight" so really you're both at fault here

Maybe she's british. And using $ for some reason. They say fortnight I think. And whilst.

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:11

Sandwich Anarchist: Sep 12, 2008

Wrt the epilepsy dad, it would be one thing if she got accidentally pregnant and refused to terminate, and they split and he isn't part of the kid's life, and she just shows up with this. There would at least then be some shred of an argument in the dude's favor.

But no, he got her pregnant on purpose, made her keep it, divorced her, and visits twice a month. gently caress that guy.

But uh, let's not advocate for forced sterilization maybe, because jesus christ.

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:12

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Sandwich Anarchist posted:

Wrt the epilepsy dad, it would be one thing if she got accidentally pregnant and refused to terminate, and they split and he isn't part of the kid's life, and she just shows up with this. There would at least then be some shred of an argument in the dude's favor.

But no, he got her pregnant on purpose, made her keep it, divorced her, and visits twice a month. gently caress that guy.

But uh, let's not advocate for forced sterilization maybe, because jesus christ.

Listen I'm just advocating for murder

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:19

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

giant comet 2020 baybee

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:23

Fatkraken: Jun 23, 2005; Fun-time is over.

Fortnight is a valuable word because it allows you to make the distinction between something that happens every two weeks and something that happens every two months by saying "fortnightly" and "bi-monthly" respectively rather than just using bi-monthly for both and confusing everyone :colbert:

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:25

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

these are words my friend GEEEOfffery used to say.

and we would just be like what the gently caress is that in american jeff.

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:28

Sandwich Anarchist: Sep 12, 2008

Fatkraken posted:

Fortnight is a valuable word because it allows you to make the distinction between something that happens every two weeks and something that happens every two months by saying "fortnightly" and "bi-monthly" respectively rather than just using bi-monthly for both and confusing everyone

Bi-weekly

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:28

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Fatkraken posted:

Fortnight is a valuable word because it allows you to make the distinction between something that happens every two weeks and something that happens every two months by saying "fortnightly" and "bi-monthly" respectively rather than just using bi-monthly for both and confusing everyone

Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:31

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

chitoryu12 posted:

That is absolutely a claustrophobic panic attack. The only way you're going to notice any kind of change in the CO2 content of a room that size with 4 people is if you're in there for several days and every single opening is totally sealed so the room is airtight.

Has this article not been making the rounds for you guys? https://www.forbes.com/sites/markmurphy/2019/03/21/all-that-hot-air-in-meetings-makes-us-dumber-and-the-reason-why-will-shock-you/

Tl;dr in an office meeting, CO2 levels get to 1000-5000 ppm (normal amount is 400 ppm). Observable dumbness begins at 1000 and is dramatic by 2500.

I haven't read the studies themselves, but I feel like I've seen this piece with "Meetings make you dumber, amirite???" about a hundred times on social media this week

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:32

Depressio111117: Oct 18, 2014; A whole world of imagination beyond the oompah band.

I know we're way off the topic now, but Dumbo/dick tattoo wasn't even original - it was a copy of another, better executed tattoo.

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:39

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

so the child did the tattoo huh

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:40

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

I haven't kept up on the marketing for the live action Dumbo movie, pretty ballsy of Disney to get H. R. Giger for the character designs

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:42

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

Depressio111117 posted:

I know we're way off the topic now, but Dumbo/dick tattoo wasn't even original - it was a copy of another, better executed tattoo.

Okay but what is the point after decontexualizing it from the mother being imprisoned?

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:46

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

its freudian :ssh:

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:48

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

(28m) i have been in a relationship with two girls (26f) and (25f) for about six years now, and now they both want to marry, they are saying they are find with a polygamous marriage but i think it is morally wrong for me and for them

quote:

Yea you read that right, i first met these two wonderful Japanese women when they where studying overseas here in Norway, and i fell in love with both of them fast. we do everything together even when we have intercourse we do it together. But now after six years of a happy relationship they asked me if i wanted to marry them and move with them back to their homeland but is this ethically correct from my part, i love them both very much and would never hurt them, what should i do.

or in short or in a TL;DR : Is it ethically correct, from my part to marry two women i love more than anything.

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:48

Willfrey: Jul 20, 2007; Why don't the poors simply buy more money?; Fun Shoe

Pinecone Sample posted:

Okay but what is the point after decontexualizing it from the mother being imprisoned?

Its beyond the $cope of the tattoo

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:51

Another Bill: Sep 27, 2018; Born on the bayou
died in a cave
bbq and posting
is all I crave

Straight White Shark posted:

(28m) i have been in a relationship with two girls (26f) and (25f) for about six years now, and now they both want to marry, they are saying they are find with a polygamous marriage but i think it is morally wrong for me and for them

I say go for it. Japanese culture is notoriously permissive and laid back.

# ? Apr 2, 2019 23:09

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Fatkraken posted:

Fortnight is a valuable word because it allows you to make the distinction between something that happens every two weeks and something that happens every two months by saying "fortnightly" and "bi-monthly" respectively rather than just using bi-monthly for both and confusing everyone

Twice a month is semi-monthly, every two weeks is biweekly. They are not the same thing.

# ? Apr 2, 2019 23:39

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Just say once every two weeks you fucks

# ? Apr 3, 2019 00:07

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

The dude with the two girlfriends has a rare happy poly life and should go for it. Like holy hell, man, y'all are happy! Life is short and lovely so you might as well run with it.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 00:16

boo_radley: Dec 30, 2005; Politeness costs nothing

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for caring about "stolen valor" when it comes to computer science.

lol, didn't know how else to describe it but I think that's a good comparison.

When computer science is involved, the correct term is "stolen pallor" :colbert:

# ? Apr 3, 2019 00:17

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

Blade Runner posted:

Just say once every two weeks you fucks

how dare people use a word that means two weeks instead of saying two weeks???

# ? Apr 3, 2019 00:27

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Boyfriend (27M) keeps smoking and is having chest pain but is in major denial- is there anything I (23 F)can do?

(self.relationship_advice)
submitted an hour ago by yairina

quote:

My boyfriend has been smoking cigarettes for the past 15 or so years. Recently it hasn�t been as heavy as his worst, less than a pack a week.

About a year and a half ago, he went to the ER for unrelated reasons and iirc, they found two nodes in his lungs (measuring 3-5 mm each, Im not 100% sure if that�s right but that�s what I remember). When I was reading his charts and noticed, I asked if they said anything about it and he said they didn�t, so I left it at that.

I wasn�t there to witness this, but a few months later he told me that the dr actually said there was a chance it could be cancer, to stop smoking, and get treatment while he still could.

I pressed him to get help (he doesn�t have health insurance but qualifies for state insurance), but he insisted he was okay with dying young and didn�t want anyone to know and feel sorry for him. Anytime I bring it up, he shuts the conversation down.

He recently found out a close friend was diagnosed with a different form of cancer, and decided he wanted to move back to our home town to get it checked out, and get treatment where he could have support from his best friends.

However, he only brings this up when he�s drunk. If he�s sober, its not happening as far as he�s concerned.

He�s gained a lot of weight recently (he had been underweight and is not overweight, but at the upper level of a healthy weight for his size)

He doesn�t cough too much, but sometimes shares that he coughs up blood on occasion (im not sure how much he is hiding from me, ive found some blood in the sink recently and he told me not to worry when I asked)

I just don�t know how to effectively push him to change and go to the doctor and get a biopsy.

Telling him so stop smoking and apply for medical isn�t cutting it.

Do I tell his friends and stage an intervention? Tell him we�re getting food and drag him to the insurance office?

How do I get him to get help before he�s past the point of help and regrets not getting treatment sooner?

I feel like I�m not doing enough but he�s so good at ignoring the problem, sometimes I honestly forget it exists.

I want to do better and not passively allow him do this to himself.

He texted me saying that last night he had bad chest pain - this needs to stop now before its too late but I have no idea where to go since he keeps shutting me down and pretending everything is okay.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 00:35

Schadenboner: Aug 15, 2011; by Shine

CheesyDog posted:

Boyfriend (27M) keeps smoking and is having chest pain but is in major denial- is there anything I (23 F)can do?

(self.relationship_advice)
submitted an hour ago by yairina

# ? Apr 3, 2019 00:38

Clawtopsy: Dec 17, 2009; What a fascinatingly unusual cock. Now, allow me to show you my collection...

CheesyDog posted:

Boyfriend (27M) keeps smoking and is having chest pain but is in major denial- is there anything I (23 F)can do?

(self.relationship_advice)
submitted an hour ago by yairina

Yes

Get a life insurance policy on him

# ? Apr 3, 2019 00:45

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Friend cumming more with me in his house (self.sex)

submitted 3 days ago * by theblackerbones

quote:

I'm (22f) currently staying with a friend (23m) for a week. He said that ever since I arrived, he's been cumming a lot more when he masturbates. This doesn't bother me or anything, we're v comfortable with each other. I'm just wondering if this is normal or if there's any interesting explanation behind it? Just find it fascinating is all.

Edit: Guys. I'm not asking why he told me. I know he's sexually attracted to me and him talking about this kind of stuff with me isn't weird for us and doesn't make me uncomfortable. I'm asking why a guy would have bigger loads of cum simply with a female in his house. Calm down, y'all.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 00:49

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

R relationships: coming more with me in his house

# ? Apr 3, 2019 01:11

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

SirSamVimes posted:

how dare people use a word that means two weeks instead of saying two weeks???

yeah

# ? Apr 3, 2019 01:11

DeadMansSuspenders: Jan 10, 2012; I wanna be your left hand man

CheesyDog posted:

Friend cumming more with me in his house (self.sex)

submitted 3 days ago * by theblackerbones

When girls live together their menstruation syncs up, so logically this is what happens when a man and a woman live together.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 01:21

Dazerbeams: Jul 8, 2009

Straight White Shark posted:

(28m) i have been in a relationship with two girls (26f) and (25f) for about six years now, and now they both want to marry, they are saying they are find with a polygamous marriage but i think it is morally wrong for me and for them

Is this even legally possible?

# ? Apr 3, 2019 01:22

Xik: Mar 10, 2011; Dinosaur Gum

Blade Runner posted:

yeah

you should consider posting fortnightly

joking since I enjoy your garbage posts

# ? Apr 3, 2019 01:26

echopapa: Jun 2, 2005; El Presidente smiles upon this thread.

CheesyDog posted:

Boyfriend (27M) keeps smoking and is having chest pain but is in major denial- is there anything I (23 F)can do?

My boyfriend has been smoking cigarettes for the past 15 or so years.

quote:

(27M)

15 or so years

# ? Apr 3, 2019 01:33

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Dazerbeams posted:

Is this even legally possible?

In some countries, yes. They just need to fly down to SA, do the ol marriage a doodle, then fly back.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 01:34

Pirate Radar: Apr 18, 2008; You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!

Anne Whateley posted:

Biology is knowing that the presence of carbon dioxide, rather than the absence of oxygen, fucks you up in this scenario.

Biology used to be a macho hard science. Then women started doing it, so now naturally it's a weak soft science.

I�m old then because this is news to me.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 02:04

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# ? May 15, 2024 11:18

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

Dazerbeams posted:

Is this even legally possible?

Someone's never been to Utah

# ? Apr 3, 2019 02:09

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