/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

saw this going around, not sure when they deleted the tweet but the article is from Saturday, charming age gap coverage in the weekend Times

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/13/style/on-the-second-try-both-found-a-partner-in-business-and-for-life.html

quote:

Because marriage is an ever-evolving experience, we constantly shift, change and, in some cases, start over. In It�s No Secret, couples share thoughts about commitment and tell us what they have learned along the way, revealing their secret to making it work.

Occupations Both are pharmacists. Together they own and operate New London Pharmacy, a 70-year-old drugstore in New York.

Their Marriage 28 years, 10 months and counting

Through the Years
Abby Mouzakitis and John Fazio were married Aug. 15, 1993, before 85 people in Agios Stefanos Avliotes, Greece, Ms. Mouzakitis�s hometown.

�John walked to the church first, then I walked with my family,� Ms. Ms. Mouzakitis-Fazio said. �Violins played in the background. My parents owned a hotel and restaurant nearby and cooked for the wedding the entire weekend.�

The couple live in Manhasset, N.Y., and have two daughters, 37 and 18, and a son, 24.

Ms. Mouzakitis-Fazio was raised in a sheltered Greek household. Her parents lived around the corner from the New London Pharmacy on 23rd Street and Eighth Avenue in Manhattan. In 1976, they gave her permission to work there part time as a cashier. Mr. Fazio was then a partner in the pharmacy.

�I was 16 and very shy, John was 11 years older than me,� Ms. Mouzakitis-Fazio said. �I liked him. I didn�t think he liked me back.�

He did, even though he was married at the time. Over the next two years, there were deep glances and flirting. The two would have breakfast or coffee together, they would hold hands, and he would walk her home.

�We would write little notes to each other, he would kiss me on my forehead,� she said. �A slow love was happening without either of us knowing it. I always wanted to be with him, talk to him, but it wasn�t allowed because he wasn�t Greek and he was married, but not happily.�

# ? Jul 17, 2019 16:35

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 20:25

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Right. Just about anyone can fire a gun, and no matter what your status in life is we all share a profound weakness to bullets.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 16:36

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

8 month-pregnant myself (F32) found texts of my husband (M34) to his ex asking her to raise baby together

quote:

Dear all, I am 8 months pregnant. Few days ago I did something I for the first time in my life: my husband fell asleep with unlocked phone and I checked it. What I found shook the ground: I found a Whatsapp conversation between him and his ex dating back to Feb. Clarification: back then I was 2 months pregnant and it was 1 month before our wedding. He said many things, such as �I really really tried but I don�t love her the way I did love you�, �gently caress the wedding day, I want to marry you�, �I have never stopped thinking about you�. A bit of their story: she is 40, and their struggled to have children. She managed to get pregnant, then had a misscarriage and they broke afterwards. The wors thing he said �Babe, we couldn�t have children. Now we can. Let her carry it, and we will cherish fruits of it together�. My world literally fell apart, as I feel it was built on a big lie. I am giving birth in 1 month. We have just bought a house and moved in. I am not ok at all, but I haven�t talked to him yet. I am afraid of how far he can go. I shared this with couple of friends, but for now I haven�t got the advice - everyone just asks �how are you� and �what are you going to do�. Could you please share your thoughts or advise or anything that comes to your head, please. It might help me.

You've got to :murder:

before he

s you

# ? Jul 17, 2019 16:38

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Bonaventure posted:

it's called an equalizer because you can kill people with it no matter how wealthy or socially powerful they are

Nah. That was true of swords and pistols, which require a great deal more skill and training. The thing about revolvers is that they don't require nearly the skill to use as hand-loaded single-shot pistols; they're also less expensive because modern manufacturing techniques. Six shots in rapid succession is a powerful argument in most situations pre-automatics.

Disclaimer: Am anti-gun nut and am probably wrong about details.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 16:42

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

Ah yes, the classic have her carry the baby to term then collect it for yourself, a foolproof plan.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 16:55

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

https://mobile.twitter.com/shaenongarrity/status/1148830436119814144

sandoz posted:

jesus christ

loving goons

i mean the two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive, I've seen some videos

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 17:08 on Jul 17, 2019

# ? Jul 17, 2019 16:58

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Smirking_Serpent posted:

(Utah) My dad keeps getting scammed, doesn't believe anyone, has ruined he and my moms lives, can we stop him from sending more money?

Tl;dr: my dad has been scammed multiple times even though we’ve told him it was a scam. He is either being blackmailed or is mentally ill. Is there anything my mom/me/my siblings do.

A bit of background about my dad, because I feel like its relevant. My dad isn’t a smart guy, he is very trusting and has taken what his friends have told him over his family.

About a year and a half ago my mom thought my dad had a “girlfriend”. Well we found out he was actually being scammed with the usual Egyptian prince scam. He thought he had married and gave her about $100,000 to help her get her inheritance. My dad had taken some of the documents to my brother and asked him if he thought they were real and he told him they weren’t. He still wired the money. My dad had this woman call and talk to my mom to try and convince her that she wasn’t really my dad’s wife or girlfriend, that she really just wanted to be part of our family and give them money.

We all sat down (my siblings, my parents and I) and laid out to my dad that he was scammed and he wouldn’t be getting any money back etc. he broke his phone (why? No idea when he could have just changed his number). He bought a new phone and changed his phone number. We all thought that was the end, until in January my dad called and told me that he had continued to send this woman money, totaling about $300,000.

Here is where things get absolutely insane. My brother and I meet with my mom at his house and start getting the rundown of what the hell happened here. My mom said that even though we all told him he was being scammed he didn’t believe us at all. My mom kept telling him he was being scammed and he would tell her that he couldn’t wait to get his money so he could laugh in all of our faces. At some point these people and my dad convinced my mom for a while that it wasn’t a scam. My dad cashed out all of his stocks, his sweet coin collection, pawned all of this guns (including a nice rifle that had belonged to my great grandpa). He convinced my mom to get a second mortgage because they were about to be rich. My parents paid off their brand new truck and travel trailer. My mom dipped into her 401k. They totally wiped out all of the savings they had. When the money didn’t come my mom told my dad she was 100% done and that he was being scammed.

This didn’t stop my dad. He used the titles of the truck and trailer to borrow against them. He borrowed $10,000 from his best friend. He then maxed out all of his credit cards buying gift cards and did the same to my moms credit cards. When my mom got her statements that’s when she found out that he was STILL giving them money. She told him he better tell us kids or she would do it. So he called us and told us. He seemed to really believe that he had been scammed this time. We were all super duper mad because he ruined not only his life but my moms too. They have to file bankruptcy and lose everything they’ve ever wanted.

Time went on and I was sort of trying to forgive my dad a bit because I do love him. My mom called me and told me that my dad was telling one of his clients about being scammed and she knew someone who had been scammed and had some of it recovered and my dad got the guys contact information and was in the process to see if this guy could help them too. My mom was so excited about it she told my sister on her birthday and asked me not to tell her before.

Flash forward to last Monday, my dad called my husband asking him if he could come down and help fix his computer, that Microsoft tech support called and showed him all this stuff wrong with his computer. My husband asked if he installed anything and he said no, but he let them REMOTE into his computer. My husband told him to turn it off. We went over to their house so my husband could look at it. He’s trying to see if he can just clean it out and avoid reformatting.

While my husband was waiting for stuff to run he notices an email from “alex” and can tell immediately it’s another scam. He looks at the website he sent in the email, so fake!! I could tell as soon as he showed me. So he calls my dad outside and shows him how fake it is. My dad asks extremely surprised at this information, my husband explained to him how he's on a suckers list now and that any real recovery company can’t ask for money for 7 days after the money has been recovered and my dad had already given them $5,000 from his BUSINESS checking account, the fake website had fields for bank account numbers and routing numbers, that he put in. My dad came inside and told my mom that the website was fake. My mom had a very nonchalant attitude about it and said “oh well, nothing we can do about it now”. There was no way my husband was going to be able to recover his computer so we decided to take it home to reformat it.

My husband looked through his emails to make sure there wasn’t anything else he was potentially getting scammed on. Here’s a few highlights:

The arrest form the recovery scam sent was completely blank.

He thought was going to get back 2 million dollars even though he only lost $300,000.

The documents the guys were sending him from the original scam were SO bad that you could literally google them. The CEO of bank of america wasn’t even the same person anymore and his name wasn’t even spelled correctly. The dates were written European style on and on.

My dad sent 3 brand new iphone XR’s tip top of the line to someone in South Africa.

He has given them his SSN, a picture of his driver's license, his parents full names, his grandparents full names and a picture of his whole passport.

Here’s the kicker… before my dad sent the recovery scammer money he asked my brother what he thought and my brother told him the SAME EXACT thing my husband told him and he did it anyway.

I called my mom and told her not to believe anything my dad says and to check with my husband in the future. She told me that she knew as soon as they started asking for money that it was a scam but he didn’t believe her and at this point she just doesn’t care anymore and is just trying to get the bankruptcy pushed through so she can divorce my dad.

I’m worried that my dad is going to do something that is going to hurt their bankruptcy filing by continuing to be scammed, get them in legal trouble some how and give away more money they 100% don’t have. Is there something my mom can do to take away his ability to make any sort of financial transactions? Can she force him to give his phone over and have my husband lock down his computer so he only has access to quick books? Is there anything we can do to stop him? My husband thinks he is being blackmailed but I just think he is losing his mind/mentally ill. I just want to protect my mom as much as I can from any further damage.

I wonder if this guy has an update, he or his mom or a family member needs to get pops sent in for a psych eval for alz/dementia. He's probably not capable of managing his own finances given the degree to which he's being scammed here.

Their bank will be able to designate him as a protected person, and if he receives SSA or similar benefits they can assign a representative payee. This will mean he will have his name on the bank accounts for legal requirements but the bank will not let him actually access funds nor will they honor a request for him to have a debit card. The family will need to make sure they do not give him bank or card numbers. They can draw cash out and let him spend that.

Yes I get that it sounds like managing money for a teenager but honestly that's what it is. It's hard on a family to realize this is it until he dies but they need to start taking him out of financial/business affairs for his own goddamn good. First it's scams, next he'll end up getting convinced to meet strangers. The bank will know how to approach all of it because (as a bank investigator) this is not at all uncommon outside of the amount he's blown on scams.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:23

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

(Utah) Being demoted because "I am not liked"

My boss directly told me yesterday that I am fulfilling all of the duties of my role but that I am unliked by higher-ups. I was then given two options: take a demotion with a $20K pay cut or be written-up and put on a performance review. She openly told me that she is unsure what the performance review will even cover, because she doesn't have clear feedback of anything I have done wrong. She went on to bully me and tell me that if I took the demotion I would be "safe" from losing my job. If I took the performance review, it would just provide temporary protection until the end of the review in 3 months. This was all in-person conversation in a one on one situation. I have texts from her asking me if I want the demotion or to be put on the review. What can I do in this situation?

Also within the same company, my friend is potentially facing a retaliation situation. He was asked to officially to take an international role and said no twice. Within a month of saying no the second time, he was demoted without cause. He has documentation of how he was excelling in his role and had no negative feedback. Would this be potentially be considered retaliation by the company?

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:26

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

Thanks for that scam story, I'm now worried about my dad, who's very smart but recently fell for the "send us Steam gift cards so we can fix your computer" scam.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:30

Mr. Fall Down Terror: Jan 24, 2018; by Fluffdaddy

Smirking_Serpent posted:

(Utah) Being demoted because "I am not liked"

My boss directly told me yesterday that I am fulfilling all of the duties of my role but that I am unliked by higher-ups. I was then given two options: take a demotion with a $20K pay cut or be written-up and put on a performance review. She openly told me that she is unsure what the performance review will even cover, because she doesn't have clear feedback of anything I have done wrong. She went on to bully me and tell me that if I took the demotion I would be "safe" from losing my job. If I took the performance review, it would just provide temporary protection until the end of the review in 3 months. This was all in-person conversation in a one on one situation. I have texts from her asking me if I want the demotion or to be put on the review. What can I do in this situation?

well at least you know you have three months to find a new job, start firing off resumes and quit immediately without notice as soon as you land a new one

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:31

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

"Making higher ups like you" is basically the most important requirement of any job. "I am good at my job but people don't like me" is such a common complaint by people who get passed over for promotions. A lot of people think that only hard skills matter, but it's not enough to be good and right if everyone hates your guts.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:34

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

zakharov posted:

Thanks for that scam story, I'm now worried about my dad, who's very smart but recently fell for the "send us Steam gift cards so we can fix your computer" scam.

Not everyone who falls for it is developing dementia, but you absolutely need to start talking with him and your family about keeping an eye on him, talking regularly, checking the account statements, etc.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:46

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

therobit posted:

"Making higher ups like you" is basically the most important requirement of any job. "I am good at my job but people don't like me" is such a common complaint by people who get passed over for promotions. A lot of people think that only hard skills matter, but it's not enough to be good and right if everyone hates your guts.

There are three major factors that influence how you're perceived at your job: your skill level, your ability to meet deadlines, and your general likability. You need at least two of the three.

If you're talented, you make all your deadlines, and everyone likes you, great, you're set for life.

If you do really good work and make all your deadlines, people will usually let you be personally abrasive because you're competent and driven so you get things done.

If you do really good work and everyone likes you, you can get away with being flaky because people will see you as the friendly absent-minded prodigy type.

If everyone likes you and you're reliable, you can be fairly crappy at your job but no one will want to fire you because they like your personality and you at least aren't holding anyone back.\\

If you don't have at least two of the three, you are not going far.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:47

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; Ultra Carp

Blockade posted:

From https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com

How do I tell my girlfriend she's been buying me books by the wrong author for the last nine months?

Is this the plot to one of them pervert anime shows?

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:48

InediblePenguin: Sep 27, 2004; I'm strong. And a giant penguin. Please don't eat me. No, really. Don't try.

Sagebrush posted:

There are three major factors that influence how you're perceived at your job: your skill level, your ability to meet deadlines, and your general likability. You need at least two of the three.

If you're talented, you make all your deadlines, and everyone likes you, great, you're set for life.

If you do really good work and make all your deadlines, people will usually let you be personally abrasive because you're competent and driven so you get things done.

If you do really good work and everyone likes you, you can get away with being flaky because people will see you as the friendly absent-minded prodigy type.

If everyone likes you and you're reliable, you can be fairly crappy at your job but no one will want to fire you because they like your personality and you at least aren't holding anyone back.\\

If you don't have at least two of the three, you are not going far.

Don't forget that like likability can be a code word to mean that you are the right gender, skin color, sexual orientation, Etc!

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:50

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; Ultra Carp

VanSandman posted:

Temple Grandin got a twinge in her neck and doesn't know why.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:51

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

therobit posted:

"Making higher ups like you" is basically the most important requirement of any job. "I am good at my job but people don't like me" is such a common complaint by people who get passed over for promotions. A lot of people think that only hard skills matter, but it's not enough to be good and right if everyone hates your guts.

"Higher ups dislike me" is not the same as "Everybody hates your guts." It's not unusual for your peers to think you're aces and management to push you out. Generally competent, even if evil, higher-ups manage to produce a pretext. In this case, they're quite clearly trying to push OP out. Anybody here can testify to a case, either personal or of a co-worker, where the higher-ups were assholes and there was nothing the employee could do about it.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:52

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

therobit posted:

Are step-parents just incapable of not being lovely to their step-children? Growing up everyone I knew who had step-parents hated theirs for good reason. It seems like the step parents often resent not being the center of their spouse's attention at all times, and feel the step kids are interlopers.

Eh, all depends on the person - if they're selfish before marrying someone with kids, they'll likely be that way regardless what's said or done. My mom & stepdad have been married almost 30 years now & he's always treated me like his own kid, moreso than my own biological addict waste of space father ever has.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:52

Collapsing Farts: Jun 29, 2018; ð

I just got big muscles and everyone everywhere automatically started respecting me more and just assumed I was competent since being extremely fit while dressing professionally makes you seem "driven" and "ambitious" and a "go getter"

It also helps that I am all those things but no one thought so of me when I was the fat guy

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:54

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

Sagebrush posted:

AITA for castigating a girl for 'leading me on'?

apparently a story that transcends culture

Ghengis Blues

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:56

InediblePenguin: Sep 27, 2004; I'm strong. And a giant penguin. Please don't eat me. No, really. Don't try.

I'm mid transition and people who think I'm a dude think I'm better at my job than people who think I'm a chick

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:56

Traxis: Jul 2, 2006

InediblePenguin posted:

Don't forget that like likability can be a code word to mean that you are the right gender, skin color, sexual orientation, Etc!

The OP was in Utah so it wouldn't be surprising if they don't like him because he is or isn't Mormon. But then again he is a redditor so he is probably just an rear end in a top hat.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:57

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; Ultra Carp

Barudak posted:

The mentally unstable shouldnt be given unsupervised access to children, no

# ? Jul 17, 2019 17:59

Cacator: Aug 6, 2005; You're quite good at turning me on.

FAUXTON posted:

Not everyone who falls for it is developing dementia, but you absolutely need to start talking with him and your family about keeping an eye on him, talking regularly, checking the account statements, etc.

You'd think they would have realized this after they lost the first $100,000

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:02

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Cacator posted:

You'd think they would have realized this after they lost the first $100,000

"dad's losing his marbles" is a drat hard pill to swallow

people spend thousands on quack medicine because they don't want to be told they're depressed and would rather be told they have a variant of lyme disease that miraculously causes all of their symptoms and also can't be cured without a $15k "let's shoot UV lasers at your blood" treatment twice a month. The part where we talk about the stigma of mental illness and the lack of a functional health care system in the US can be skipped though.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:07

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

My grandma's sister nearly sent thousands of dollars to some scammer because they told her I was arrested for something halfway across the country. It was some convoluted story that was purposely confusing.

They got her so good that when I called her to tell her I was not in trouble, that I had not spoken to any local Sheriffs or Defense Attorneys in Bumfuck, Nowhere, she still kept asking for 5 minutes if I was fine.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:08

Renegret: May 26, 2007; THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*

Cat Army Sworn Enemy

Traxis posted:

The OP was in Utah so it wouldn't be surprising if they don't like him because he is or isn't Mormon. But then again he is a redditor so he is probably just an rear end in a top hat.

Probably, but his job is pretty terrible at pushing him out.

You're supposed to be a lot more subtle about it.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:09

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

I count my blessings when my parents call me at work to say they got an email from Google that Samsung, Inc. has made changes to their phone, and ask if they got hacked or they should change their passwords

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:10

LGD: Sep 25, 2004

some pretty darn good ones this week imo

https://twitter.com/SixBrownChicks/status/1151534561152708608

https://twitter.com/SixBrownChicks/status/1151534564612956160

https://twitter.com/SixBrownChicks/status/1151534568677228546

e: most are obvious, but that preacher clearly just didn't use enough holy water

LGD fucked around with this message at 18:16 on Jul 17, 2019

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:12

Tythas: Oct 3, 2013; Never felt at home in reality
Always hiding behind avatars

AITA for having ADHD?

quote:

I am in currently in the middle of a divorce, generally amicable, and we are doing what we can to help each other get seperated. At the same time, I am going to school and working full time, so I'm just a little busy (sarcasm, I'm insanely busy). A little while ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD, which explained a lot given my life and personality. Part of that is that it takes a while to remember to do things, and frequent reminders, especially ones with a time table attached. So back to the divorce, my ex has been giving me a few things here and there to do. The first was mail back the divorce papers. It took a while, but I got it done. The next was take a dvd out of an old computer so they could sell it. I didn't think it to be a big priority, and plus it was finals week, so I didn't get it done. Then, I get home from work the day of one of my hardest finals, and my ex basically starts a fight with me over the fact that I didn't do that one little thing. I tell them it is finals week and I haven't had time, plus I didn't think it was the biggest priority, but that I could get it done later that night once the weight of the final has been lifted. They didn't find this acceptable and said it was about more than this one little thing, but about our whole relationship and how I never get anything done supposedly (even though I'm the one who paid all our bills, did our taxes, paid our rent, etc). I tell them I can't talk about this right before the final and go in the other room to ignore them. I leave to take the final, come back, and the fight continues. Apparently they feel like they're my mom who needs to take care of me, and that they are not going to rely on me for anything going forward. Which is confusing to me, because I am more than happy to help them, and since I finished my final last night, I have tons of time to help them. So they're basically guilting me for my disability and telling me I'm unreliable and that they will not be counting on me any more. Am I crazy, am I the rear end in a top hat here? What more could I have done to have helped them better?

AITA? Mom fights that ADHD is controllable

quote:

This happened earlier today, and I�m still upset about it. Something that you should know is that I have diagnosed ADHD, and cannot help zoning out. My mom and I were in the car, and we were mostly being quiet with the occasional sentence or two between us on random thoughts. Something that has happened a lot is that I will zone out, and she will start talking. When I come back to reality, I will ask her to repeat what she said because I didn�t hear her. She will then get mad at me for zoning out, even though I was already lost in though when she started talking. The same thing happened today and she yelled at me for not paying attention, and I shouted that we shouldn�t talk at all because I can�t help zoning out. She then stopped talking to me the entire car ride back. When we were in the driveway, I asked her if she wasn�t ever going to talk to me again, and she said I told her not to. I told her that she was getting upset over something that I can not control, and she said that if I �can�t control it�, than I should start taking my ADHD medication everyday. I have meds for my ADHD, but they stop me from eating, so I don�t like to take them on weekends, and only use them for school days. And, even when I�m on them, I still zone out frequently, it�s just for a shorter period of time. I do not feel bad at all for saying what I did. I can�t help zoning out, and I don�t understand why my mom minds repeating things every now and then in the car (the car is where it�s easiest for me to get distracted and zone out). So, Reddit... am I the rear end in a top hat for making my mom mad?

AITA for making life hellish for a cadet with severe ADHD?

quote:

As a cadet squad leader at a military high school in VA, my responsibility was to manage 5 other cadets, making sure that all of them mustered on time, kept clean, and maintained a small section of the barracks, just a hallway running the length of the school. The squad consisted of myself (10th grade), some nonessential elements for this post, the former squad leader (11th grade, Carl), and the subject of my post (9th grade, Jayden, who had moderately severe ADHD).

Apparently, the former squad leader, Carl, had never actually enforced that the squad's cleanup be properly maintained. I fixed this when I was promoted, causing Jayden to incessantly pester me about how Carl was a much better leader, mostly just because they were friends. I spent between thirty minutes and an hour each day cleaning up after Jayden, be it his blatant disregard for protocol in formations and mess hall, his tendencies to run around the school and fight with others, or just his love of pestering high ranked leaders in the school.

I began to try and use positive reinforcement, making up contests that he was set to win as long as he could just perform at the bare-minimum standard, but to no avail. Positivity reinforcement took more work than negative and yielded no results, so eventually I switched over. By the end of the year, I had tried every punishment I was permitted, things like indefinitely cutting his room's power, confiscating his electronics, making him eat last in mess, and even preventing him from leaving with his parents on weekends, which was by no means a right at school, actually a rare privilege.

Trying to understand the root cause of this led me to talk to both him and his parents, at which point I learned he had stopped taking his ADHD meds just before I became squad leader, instead opting for "natural management" as he called it, nope. He just didn't want to take the meds, he thought they restrained his spirit or something of the sort. I stated that this was bunk, that was there exact job, and he needed his spirit to get some goddamn restraint real quick, but he brushed off anything I would say.

I finally gave him an ultimatum: Jayden would get back on his meds (or find some alternative method to get a grip, but meds would have been easiest), or I would stop trying to understand his situation and just rain bullshit down on him directly from my first sergeant (1SG) for the last few weeks of the schoolyear. Long story short, he didn't fix it and I made the last three weeks of school suck for him, of course I let him have finals to do what needed doing, but he had daily PT for a while, ate last at every meal, did extra cleaning, had no devices, and the only power in his room was to his lights.

AITA for having made his final few weeks of the year suck?

The entire system at the school is incredibly complex and nuanced, just as any social network is, so I can add further detail if desired.

Tythas fucked around with this message at 18:14 on Jul 17, 2019

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:12

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Arsenic Lupin posted:

Nah. That was true of swords and pistols, which require a great deal more skill and training. The thing about revolvers is that they don't require nearly the skill to use as hand-loaded single-shot pistols; they're also less expensive because modern manufacturing techniques. Six shots in rapid succession is a powerful argument in most situations pre-automatics.

Disclaimer: Am anti-gun nut and am probably wrong about details.

The first gun control laws were established in part because the royals realized how threatening they were to their power. William of Orange was assassinated in 1584 by a concealed pistol (the wheellock had just been invented about 80 years ago and could be concealed ready to fire, unlike old matchlocks) and James Stewart was shot from a window in 1570 while riding through town. Turns out guns made it really easy for any random person to pop the king in the face.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:15

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

FAUXTON posted:

YOU loving DUMBASS THIS IS WHAT POWER OF ATTORNEY IS FOR THIS IS WHAT PROTECTED PERSON DESGNATIONS ARE FOR WHAT THE gently caress WHAT THE gently caress WHAT THE FUC

You can't just take a person over with power of attorney. A POA is picked by the person, and if they get pissed and take it away that's it. It's not some thing where you can just control someone's actions.

I work with a dementia patient and she's very far gone and still gets to dictate if she wants to send money to someone. Her POA can't just tell her no and her doctors and the judge absolutely refuse to take any of her deciding rights away. She can't even recognize relatives at this point, but she can still make decisions.

Telling her that checks aren't used anymore and locking those in a safe, and telling her that she never gets any mail from the "charity" scams while throwing the junk mail away, is a way better way to protect her than telling her no and trying to enforce it.

Like dude she can't comprehend a stop sign and has 0 reflexes and broke her ankle just getting off the couch, but she still has a driver's license. She was convinced to sell the car instead. Taking rights away from dementia patients is waaay more difficult than it sounds.

A POA is only there to make decisions when the person can't/doesn't want to. But if the patient wants to make their own decisions, no matter how lovely, they're still an adult with rights.

That story with the guy a while back that "gave his friend POA" is so loving ridiculous because as an adult with all your faculties a POA means nothing and can be revoked without having to be in writing. It's literally "go the duck away I revoke your POA" and it's done.

Scathach fucked around with this message at 18:20 on Jul 17, 2019

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:16

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

AITA for throwing out all of the food in the communal fridge?

quote:

Ok I know I�m probably TA, but honestly I feel like I�m justified.

I�ve just returned to work since having my Bub. I�m a coeliac and obviously can only eat gluten free. I make a special lunch everyday for work.

4 days in a row my first week back at work and my food was �going missing� when I�d go to get it from the fridge. I sent out an email to all staff in the office about it.

The next day the same thing again so I went to my boss. He sent out an email reminding people to only eat their food.

The next day it happened again. FYI I have my name on it. I asked my boss if we could put cameras in the lunch room, he said no. I asked if he would comp my lunch expenses as I had to buy from the local cafe and shits expensive yo! He again said no. I sent out another email and spoke to as many people as I could (about 15 out of the 20 in my office).

The next day I was feeling more positive. I left a note on my food again stating it was mine and to not touch it. Lunch time comes around again and my food is gone. I was pissed so I threw out everything that was in the fridge.

No one technically knows it was me, as I haven�t admitted to doing it, just like the jerk off stealing my lunches hasn�t come forward.

The boss sent out another email threatening written notice for anyone who touches anyone else�s food. My lunch hasn�t been touched since.

My Husband told me I was an rear end in a top hat because everyone in my office didn�t deserve to have their lunch ruined because of one person stealing mine. I think I�m justified because no one took the blame for what they did, and my boss wouldn�t do anything about it. Im sure once everyone had their lunch ruined they understood how much it would have sucked for me.

AITA?

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:19

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Scathach posted:

You can't just take a person over with power of attorney. A POA is picked by the person, and if they get pissed and take it away that's it. It's not some thing where you can just control someone's actions.

I work with a dementia patient and she's very far gone and still gets to dictate if she wants to send money to someone. Her POA can't just tell her no and her doctors and the judge absolutely refuse to take any of her deciding rights away. She can't even recognize relatives at this point, but she can still make decisions.

Telling her that checks aren't used anymore and locking those in a safe, and telling her that she never gets any mail from the "charity" scams while throwing the junk mail away, is a way better way to protect her than telling her no and trying to enforce it.

Like dude she can't comprehend a stop sign and has 0 reflexes and broke her ankle just getting off the couch, but she still has a driver's license. She was convinced to sell the car instead. Taking rights away from dementia patients is waaay more difficult than it sounds.

A POA is only there to make decisions when the person can't/doesn't want to. But if the patient wants to make their own decisions, no matter how lovely, they're still an adult with rights.

That story with the guy a while back that "gave his friend POA" is so loving ridiculous because as an adult with all your faculties a POA means nothing and can be revoked without having to be in writing. It's literally "go the duck away I revoke your POA" and it's done.

that's what protected person designations are for

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:31

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

chitoryu12 posted:

AITA for throwing out all of the food in the communal fridge?

NTA. In this case the ends justify the means.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:31

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

chitoryu12 posted:

AITA for throwing out all of the food in the communal fridge?

not the rear end in a top hat. when the system doesn't work you must take direct action

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:31

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

chitoryu12 posted:

AITA for throwing out all of the food in the communal fridge?

Whoever was stealing it now knows this isn't some loving game. Whoever knows who was stealing it and didn't stop them now knows the same. It's a shame Innocents had to suffer but it's clear existing power structures were either unwilling or unable to solve the problem.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:35

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

FAUXTON posted:

that's what protected person designations are for

Those are so, so hard to get. At least here. I'm in WA and trying to protect a dementia patient is difficult as gently caress. Especially if they refuse it and get pissed and kick you out of the house, which legally they can still do.

The scams that dad is falling for are apparently from another county but so rarely anyone wants to talk about the homegrown charity scams we have here. Even after being put on the do not call/mail list my patient still gets a couple calls and pieces of scam mail a day. It's loving terrible.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:36

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

DrBouvenstein posted:

Uhhh...is no one else going to comment on this part, cause I have no idea WTF he's talking about but it sounds like he's referring to mama's "special friend" that lives in the sock drawer.

I like the mental image of MeeMaw on the front porch with a giant purple dildo ready to scare off any cattle ruatlers.

CannonFodder fucked around with this message at 18:51 on Jul 17, 2019

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:37

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 20:25

Renegret: May 26, 2007; THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*

Cat Army Sworn Enemy

It was an rear end in a top hat move.

There's also times in life when being the rear end in a top hat is the correct move.

# ? Jul 17, 2019 18:37

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