/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

AITA for trying to embarrass a potential racist?

quote:

As many young men do, I was swiping on Tinder. I matched with a pretty girl who gave me her Snapchat. It turned out that it was a Premium Snapchat where she sold nudes and foot pics, and that she had no intention of getting to know me or wanting to date. So, as many young men might do, I screenshotted the (SFW) selfie in her story where she had prices listed to laugh about the whole story with my friends. She proceeded to call me the long form n word and block me.

Honestly, I was more bewildered than mad, so I showed my coworkers what she said to me and the screenshot with her prices listed. Almost all of them agreed that she was wack and that I did nothing wrong and we laughed at the craziness of it, but one of my coworkers had something contrary to say:

"Why'd you screenshot her story though? That's weird."

Granted, this guy is in his early 30s, but he knows what Snapchat is. He is tech savvy. Even so, he tried to argue that no one screenshots stuff in Snap and that I must've done it so that I could fap to that picture later. He was calling me creepy and heavily insinuating that I deserved what was said to me because of what I did.

So... I started saying 'Hey, x approves of racism' outloud and then explaining why to whoever heard me. It's a relatively small shop and atleast half of us were standing around one another, so x got in my face when I said it for the third time. He told me that I can't just say that, and I explained that I just thought it was weird that he honed in on that one thing. He apologized and went on his way. It never got brought up again.

PS This is someone who has picked on me ever since I started working this job and he only stopped after this incident. He gives off bad vibes when he talks to me and I would honestly not be surprised in the least if he was a genuine closet racist. I don't have 100% confirmation so I am wondering if I overreacted to his comments and made an rear end of myself.

Tl;dr I got called a racial slur by an egirl and a coworker gave off the vibe that he thought I deserved it, so I called him racist infront of all of our coworkers.

Edit: We did not make fun of the girl in the screenshot. At most, we lamented dudes who buy nudes. In no way was the screenshot taken with the intent to bully or make fun of the girl.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:04

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# ? May 28, 2024 20:10

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA for wearing a gas mask in public and at home?

I mean, at least people can still see your eyes

Eh, NTA. Parents are dicks about her hypersomia but it's a real issue, and since they're (dickishly) correct that the only person's behavior she can control is her own, she bought a mask that solves the issue for her. Is it weird to walk around wearing that in public? Yes, absolutely, I also have aspergers but even I know that. Is it a preferable sort of weird to melting down at every strong scent and being rendered nonfunctional? Also yes, absolutely.

Meanwhile I feel like parents are melting down because she's being visibly abnormal instead of just sucking it up and tolerating it so they don't look bad by association.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:07

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

AITA for calling out a potential racist?

And by racist I mean a person about whom I can't recall any actual racist actions or comments, but he was mean to me so he might be racist!

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:07

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

PetraCore posted:

Eh, NTA. Parents are dicks about her hypersomia but it's a real issue, and since they're (dickishly) correct that the only person's behavior she can control is her own, she bought a mask that solves the issue for her. Is it weird to walk around wearing that in public? Yes, absolutely, I also have aspergers but even I know that. Is it a preferable sort of weird to melting down at every strong scent and being rendered nonfunctional? Also yes, absolutely.

Meanwhile I feel like parents are melting down because she's being visibly abnormal instead of just sucking it up and tolerating it so they don't look bad by association.

Like, hypersensitivity to sensory stimuli is a real problem that can cause some surprisingly big impairments because you can't just demand everyone and everything have a perfectly neutral smell any more than I can demand other people stop making routine noises around me. At that point, it's up to the person affected to find coping methods, but I feel like the flipside is people shouldn't be dicks about harmless-but-weird coping methods used to deal with it??

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:12

hot cocoa on the couch: Dec 8, 2009

chitoryu12 posted:

AITA for breaking up with a guy because he had a ninja sword in his apartment?

he's a navy aviator and you're upset because he has an antique sword as a military/family heirloom in his house? he's a trained killer lady, that part should have grossed you out before the fuckin sword did

e: he is a professional weapons user. like he gets paid to understand and use weapons. the fuckin sword he probably never touches freaked you out?

hot cocoa on the couch fucked around with this message at 19:26 on Dec 12, 2019

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:24

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

Chomp8645 posted:

AITA for calling out a potential racist?

And by racist I mean a person about whom I can't recall any actual racist actions or comments, but he was mean to me so he might be racist!

Sounds like a story made up for people to have this reaction.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:24

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

From the more casual subreddit, r/amithebuttface:

WIBTB if I was upset with someone laughing at a joke about my sister�s attempted overdose?

quote:

Hey!

So a couple years ago my sister almost swallowed a bottle of pills. My parents called the cops and she was taken to a mental institution for a week. She is totally okay now, was just going through a rough time. It wasn�t good, but I�m at the point where I�m kinda okay talking/joking about it.

I was working on a final project on a call with some discord bros when my software crashed and I lost about an hour and a half of work. I made a joke about committing suicide, and someone in the call was concerned. I laughed it off and said �Don�t worry! It runs in the family.�

Everyone was confused so I very briefly told them what happened with my sister. It was late and I have some issues sometimes with tone, so it came across as pretty monotone or casual.

This dude bursts out laughing. For like a minute and a half straight. WHEEZING. Cannot control himself kinda laugher. Other people in the call were concerned with why he was laughing so hard.

At the time it didn�t bother me, but the more I think about it the more it kinda makes me uncomfortable. But I don�t know if talking to him about it or being upset would be rude because I WAS making jokes in the first place.

AITB?

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:27

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA For Not Prioritizing My Photographer's's Grief Over My Wedding Photos?

I got married in September. I booked our photographer over a year in advance. He has great reviews and I really like his work. We knew that his assistant would be the one shooting our actual wedding, and we were fine with that. We had a really jovial, friendly rapport built up during the engagement photos, it was all great. The wedding day came, his assistant was a doll and we loved him. I paid the full price for everything, and right on time. At no time were we difficult clients, but totally the opposite.

Our contract states that after the wedding, we can expect to see rough edits, ask for some changes, and then get the full gallery back. It states not to expect anything in less than 30 days, but it could take as long as 90 days. Verbally, he told me that turnaround was typically 8 weeks.

8 weeks after the wedding, I hadn't heard anything at all (no sneak peek, no rough edits, had not seen a single pic), so I sent a text asking how things were going. He referenced the 90 days, and said he was running on time. I was disappointed, but the contract does say 90 days on the outside, so I let it go.

On day 85 I sent another text, checking in. He replied to say that his mom had passed two days before, and he'd be taking the rest of the month off, and would resume working after the first of the year.

I replied with support, but also indicated that I was concerned that we weren't going to abide by the contract, and that I'd expected to have the photos before the holidays so I could gift albums to my parents and new in-laws. He replied with "There is an act of God clause." The contract does mention acts of God, but specifically with regards to if there is an emergency and the photographer can't make it to your wedding. It details how he'd attempt to find a replacement photog, etc. I reaffirmed my sympathy for his situation, but restated my concern at the fact that we've seen nothing yet, and we are worried. He replied with just, "wow."

I understand that against the loss of a parent my desire for photographs seems trivial, but it's been three months. I paid a lot of money for the pictures, and I really want them back. It is so delicate, and I honestly feel bad for him, and really empathize with his loss... but I do feel entitled to what I paid for and contractually agreed to. To be informed 5 days before the deadline and only because I reached out, doesn't sit well with me. It seems unprofessional, and at the very least, like he should have offered a partial refund for not making the deadline. I would have refused that offer if he'd extended it, but would have appreciated the gesture of good faith. Mostly, I just want the pictures. I want to know for sure something didn't happen to them, and the record of our beautiful day isn't lost.

So. It's now day 93. No pics. AITA for mentioning the contract and still wanting my pictures despite his mom passing?

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:33

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

hot cocoa on the couch posted:

he's a navy aviator and you're upset because he has an antique sword as a military/family heirloom in his house? he's a trained killer lady, that part should have grossed you out before the fuckin sword did

e: he is a professional weapons user. like he gets paid to understand and use weapons. the fuckin sword he probably never touches freaked you out?

Boyfriend is responsible for maintenance/operation of war machines specifically designed to kill people: Good.

Boyfriend has an antique, ceremonial weapon on display: Bad.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:40

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

My[22M] roommate [23M] wants to "decorate" the living room with swords and anime posters. I am not okay with this.

quote:

After my roommate Arnold and I had been living together for about a month, I realized a few things:

1. Arnold is messy

2. He likes to "decorate", but in a very slapdash ineffective way.

A few weeks ago, when Arnold noticed that I bought new clocks to hang on the walls in the house, he wanted to contribute to the decorating as well. He asked me if he could help, and I said "Sure, why not" and I didn't think anything of it.

He goes to his closet, and when he comes back he has these goddamn McDonald's toy Pokemon plush dolls, and a giant Pikachu piggy bank. He places them on top of the bookcase and says, "There! It looks a lot better now, right?" I say yes, through gritted teeth.

I think they make the whole room look tacky and horrible(not to mention the fact that I think it screams immaturity to any guest who visits), but I keep my mouth shut because I want to keep the peace.

Recently though, Arnold has been wanting to add more "decorations". He has a large collection of swords in his room that he's collected from various anime conventions that he's attended, and one of his friends noticed that the living room looked barren (In other words, clean. Or tidy. How it's loving supposed to look). So he suggested that he could have an "awesome-looking" sword display in the living room.

So one day, I come home and Arnold has already hung 8 swords along the wall. He's obviously very proud of the display, and he tells me how much of an improvement it is.

No. No loving way. Swords?? Hell no. People will think a psychopath lives here. I begrudgingly tell Arnold that it looks "fine", though.

I honestly don't know what to do at this point. Arnold has already told me that he plans on hanging some anime posters up in the living room as well. What if I want to bring a girl home? Or my parents? The living room is NOT a place for those things. He needs to keep that poo poo in his bedroom.

TL;DR Roommate wants swords and anime posters on display in the living room. I think they look tacky and frightening to any "normal" person who might walk into the house.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:42

Patrick Spens: Jul 21, 2006; "Every quarterback says they've got guts, But how many have actually seen 'em?"; Pillbug

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Sounds like a story made up for people to have this reaction.

Nothing about this story is at all implausible.

Chomp8645 posted:

AITA for calling out a potential racist?

And by racist I mean a person about whom I can't recall any actual racist actions or comments, but he was mean to me so he might be racist!

Eh, it's not like racists all wear signs or something. It's perfectly possible the poster is right.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:44

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

Patrick Spens posted:

Eh, it's not like racists all wear signs or something. It's perfectly possible the poster is right.

He didn't do anything racist, you idiot.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:47

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA For Not Prioritizing My Photographer's's Grief Over My Wedding Photos?

Now this persons parent could have very well died but! I am having my doubts because it�s pretty convenient timing that it happened right before the deadline.

Also the lack of real communication before hand doesn�t seem normal.

I�m going to go with NTA because it seems like photographer is trying to stall.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:47

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA For Not Prioritizing My Photographer's's Grief Over My Wedding Photos?

I got married in September. I booked our photographer over a year in advance. He has great reviews and I really like his work. We knew that his assistant would be the one shooting our actual wedding, and we were fine with that. We had a really jovial, friendly rapport built up during the engagement photos, it was all great. The wedding day came, his assistant was a doll and we loved him. I paid the full price for everything, and right on time. At no time were we difficult clients, but totally the opposite.

Our contract states that after the wedding, we can expect to see rough edits, ask for some changes, and then get the full gallery back. It states not to expect anything in less than 30 days, but it could take as long as 90 days. Verbally, he told me that turnaround was typically 8 weeks.

8 weeks after the wedding, I hadn't heard anything at all (no sneak peek, no rough edits, had not seen a single pic), so I sent a text asking how things were going. He referenced the 90 days, and said he was running on time. I was disappointed, but the contract does say 90 days on the outside, so I let it go.

On day 85 I sent another text, checking in. He replied to say that his mom had passed two days before, and he'd be taking the rest of the month off, and would resume working after the first of the year.

I replied with support, but also indicated that I was concerned that we weren't going to abide by the contract, and that I'd expected to have the photos before the holidays so I could gift albums to my parents and new in-laws. He replied with "There is an act of God clause." The contract does mention acts of God, but specifically with regards to if there is an emergency and the photographer can't make it to your wedding. It details how he'd attempt to find a replacement photog, etc. I reaffirmed my sympathy for his situation, but restated my concern at the fact that we've seen nothing yet, and we are worried. He replied with just, "wow."

I understand that against the loss of a parent my desire for photographs seems trivial, but it's been three months. I paid a lot of money for the pictures, and I really want them back. It is so delicate, and I honestly feel bad for him, and really empathize with his loss... but I do feel entitled to what I paid for and contractually agreed to. To be informed 5 days before the deadline and only because I reached out, doesn't sit well with me. It seems unprofessional, and at the very least, like he should have offered a partial refund for not making the deadline. I would have refused that offer if he'd extended it, but would have appreciated the gesture of good faith. Mostly, I just want the pictures. I want to know for sure something didn't happen to them, and the record of our beautiful day isn't lost.

So. It's now day 93. No pics. AITA for mentioning the contract and still wanting my pictures despite his mom passing?

But he didn't even get rough edits or a sneak peak done by day 83?

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:48

Garrand: Dec 28, 2012; Rhino, you did this to me!

Leon Einstein posted:

He didn't do anything racist, you idiot.

"You deserved to be called racial slurs" says totally not racist person

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:48

SalTheBard: Jan 26, 2005; I forgot to post my food for USPOL Thanksgiving but that's okay too!; Fallen Rib

spacetoaster posted:

YTA. My son does this very thing and it's the same thing we would have done at that age.

Hell, didn't people used to call a phone number and pay to get walkthrough help?

My friend had an Uncle that worked for Nintendo which is how I figured anything out.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:50

Tempura Wizard: Sep 15, 2006; spending all
spending
spending all my time

MarcusSA posted:

Now this persons parent could have very well died but! I am having my doubts because it�s pretty convenient timing that it happened right before the deadline.

Also the lack of real communication before hand doesn�t seem normal.

I�m going to go with NTA because it seems like photographer is trying to stall.

This is when you double-down and ask for the time and place of the memorial so you can send flowers. Insist upon it. Worst case, you've ingratiated yourself to this person and will hopefully get your photos faster, best case, you've caught him in a lie.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:50

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

Garrand posted:

"You deserved to be called racial slurs" says totally not racist person

But nobody said that.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:50

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

Partner 29m used 3some app for years to try and facilitate couple experiences. I download it, he says we should delete it as its 'toxic'. Should I be worried?

Partner was experienced in 3somes and we discussed exploring them a few years back. We've been together 5yrs. I was initially hesitant but open to explore he downloaded an app similar to tinder but for kink/polyamory and said he would manage as a couple account.

When asked about the messages/people on the app repeatedly, he didn't show me or provide login just said it wasn't great and mostly fakes.

In the end we had a couple experiences but not via the app.

He's been more active on it lately as seen the notifications pop up, despite seeming less interested in sex with me. Over time I've got more keen to explore this together and decide to download the app too, I request to link my account as his partner.

When I do this he messages: 'the app is full of horny guys and fakes. I think we should delete it'.

Just me or does this seem off? He's clearly been using it, allegedly as a partner account. Why decide we should delete it now?

Tldr: partner uses 3some app for years allegedly as couple, I download it, says its useless and we should delete. Should I be suspicious?

UPDATE: When brought it up he just said he would delete the app, and then made a pount of showing me he was uninstalling it. Apart from the fact you can re install it to me that just seems like he wanted to avoid any interaction on the content of messages past.

he also just sidetracked - via our WhatsApp "It's like Facebook but worse. It's something you end up scrolling impulsively to waste time when you really should be doing something productive. It's been years and zero leads on it, it's time I'm not getting back and neither are you."

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:51

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Patrick Spens posted:

Eh, it's not like racists all wear signs or something. It's perfectly possible the poster is right.

True, but imo it's not ok to go around publicly accusing people of things that are "perfectly possible". It wouldn't be ok to tell everyone in the shop "hey, Joe is a rapist!" , or a thief, or an abuser, or an addict, because it's "perfectly possible" when the only evidence presented is "he's a dick to me".

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:51

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Chomp8645 posted:

True, but imo it's not ok to go around publicly accusing people of things that are "perfectly possible". It wouldn't be ok to tell everyone in the shop "hey, Joe is a rapist!" , or a thief, or an abuser, or an addict, because it's "perfectly possible" when the only evidence presented is "he's a dick to me".

Yeah this.

The person is mid mad they were a dick.

Also it seems like they had a perfectly good reason to be a dick.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:55

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

I [21M] missed out on the validation from casual hookups and now I am really bitter and treat girls badly

quote:

I am in my 3rd year of university now. When I first started university, I was horribly underweight, had no dress sense, had acne and painful social anxiety.

You can bet that I got no girls...

All everyone was obsessed with in my first year was getting laid and 'pulling' (which means how many make-outs/one night stands) you can get. Our flat even had a 'pull' chart. It wasn't just the guys who did this, but also the girls! EVERYONE was obsessed with pulling.

It didn't matter which flat I went to, they all talked about the same thing...pulling. People on my course, people in societies, etc. It made me feel horribly insecure because while everyone else was getting action, I was getting nothing. Girls were not going to go anywhere me.

My flatmates weren't mean to me but they had a consedencing sort of tone towards me, in that they treated me like a puppy or something because I couldn't pull - as if I was ''innocent''.

This made me so bitter and resentful, that over the last 2 years I changed everything about me. I went to the gym and clean bulked so I have gained 30lbs and look WAY better physically, I worked really hard to get rid of my acne, I changed my fashion style, I worked on my confidence and I even saved money to get some plastic surgery done (had a chin implant).

The result is that I basically look like a model. I have even done modeling on the side. It took 2 years to look the way I do now. I know people might say ''You shouldn't do all this just for girls!!!'' but the fact is that it IS a strong motivator, if everyone around you just talks about getting action all the time.

Now in my 3rd year, I get laid way more than I ever have done before. The girls that I have pulled have been way hotter than the ones my friends pulled, and I am constantly approached at night clubs.

The issue seems to be that nobody really cares anymore....as a 3rd year, all my friends seem to just be settling into relationships and have 'moved' on from the whole pulling thing, or at least bragging about it, whereas I have played 2 years catch-up.

I feel really angry and resentful that I missed out in my 3rd year, whereas everyone else got to brag and get their external validation. Now when I do finally catch up, nobody cares and they've moved on.

This has lead me to become resentful. It has gotten to the point where when I have managed to pull girls who knew my from my first year, I have lead them on intentionally (they wanted commitment from me) and then disposed of them after banging them...it puts a smile on my face when I lead girls on and just use them. It makes me feel happy when I can play with their emotions like this. I ESPECIALLY like doing this to girls who used to know me when I was ugly and are now interested in me...it feels so good when I do it and they start crying when I reveal that I have no intention of committing to them.

I have seen a therapist, but he couldn't help me, so I don't know what to do.

I just blame society for the way I am. It's a double edged sword? If people hadn't boasted about pulling, I wouldn't have changed my self...however in changing myself, I have become bitter and resentful.

If people had just not bragged about getting laid (both guys/girls included), then I would not be bitter.

Not sure how to get rid of this resentment, because now I have become conditioned to get off on using/abusing girls.

TLDR - Am bitter and resentful because nobody cares that I pull now...yet everyone was obsessed with it as a first year. Feel like I missed out, this in turn has caused me to use/abuse girls.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 19:55

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Ok usually I push back against the "claim every story I don't like is fake" crowd, but this one really does read like some bullshit lol.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:01

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Chomp8645 posted:

Ok usually I push back against the "claim every story I don't like is fake" crowd, but this one really does read like some bullshit lol.

Some parts ring true, I definitely believe he's bitter and resentful.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:02

SHY NUDIST GRRL: Feb 15, 2011; Communism will help more white people than anyone else. Any equal measures unfairly provide less to minority populations just because there's less of them. Democracy is truly the tyranny of the mob.

So much self awareness typically leads to trying to improve oneself

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:12

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

SHY NUDIST GRRL posted:

So much self awareness typically leads to trying to improve oneself*

*Except from people that post on reddit.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:14

DandyLion: Jun 24, 2010; disrespectul Deciever

SHY NUDIST GRRL posted:

So much self awareness typically leads to trying to improve oneself

How many more chin implants do you want the poor kid to get!?

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:16

spacetoaster: Feb 10, 2014

Dude sounds like the rear end in a top hat for him and his frat bros to be passing around photos of a girl to make fun of while at work.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:22

DAD LOST MY IPOD: Feb 3, 2012; Fats Dominar is on the case

chitoryu12 posted:

I [21M] missed out on the validation from casual hookups and now I am really bitter and treat girls badly

people in societies, etc

joker�s trick...

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:30

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

How to help/handle a recovering depressed boyfriend who is loving things up?

Small heads up : although I'm quite fluent, English is not my native language, so I might use some weird wording.

I've (30F) been with my boyfriend (45M) for the past 5 years, we've been living together for two. Shortly before we moved in together, my boyfriend had a string of bad luck : he lost the investments he made and had to practically drain his savings. A couple of months after that, he got laid off at his job. His old job screwed him over, he's in a legal battle to even get his unemployment checks and hasn't found a job since. We moved in his house (which is all paid off) and we're living on my paychecks (enough to survive and have a little fun, but not to build the future we want). Losing his financial independence, his employer screwing him over like that, not being to get another job quickly, the government moving at a slow pace and blocking many opportunities for him... he fell into a depression. He's been going to therapy for more than a year now.

Since he had no luck finding a job, he wanted to take the opportunity to totally change fields and wanted to train to become a welder. He found a school, where he would first follow a five months module, and then he would for a year go half time to school, half time to an internship. I was totally on board with that. He started the first part of his program last february. He failed, but his teachers thought he just had a rough start and that he has the ability to succeed. So he enrolls again in september and it's going well. He started to work this week on his final project, which will be graded and will be used to decide if he succeeds or not.

And it's not going well anymore, he's loving up, but since I also think it's his depression acting up, I don't know how to handle it.

The biggest issue is (I think) : he's not getting enough (or quality) sleep. He goes to sleep super late, and if he was out he drinks and gets at least slightly drunk. That's not really new, and usually it's not a problem. He has to leave at 7:30 to be on time at school. So monday, I wake up at 7:15, and see he's still in bed. He slept through his alarm clock, but thankfully left only 10 minutes late for class. Today I woke up at 8:30 (working from home) and saw he was still in bed again. So he was more then one hour late. Yesterday he was up on time, but was hung over.

I want to be sensitive to the fact that he's still recovering from depression, and that the stress of this final project is probably playing mind games with him (which is why he has trouble going to bed, I also have trouble sleeping when stressed). But those past two years have been hard for me too, for us, and I don't know if I could forgive him if he fails because he hasn't been able to get a decent amount of sleep and can't concentrate on his project (I'm also worried that failing will send him back to being fully depressed). He just left me a whatsapp voicemail, telling me he's feeling blue, his project isn't going great, he has to start over because he made some rookie mistakes (because he can't concentrate),... And I don't know how to respond. I want to support him, but I also want to tell him that his lifestyle the last few weeks aren't helping him. I've asked him if he wants to book an extra session with his counselor, but he says no, it's just one bad day, and he has me. But honestly, I don't think I can be there for him when he's acting like that. I feel forced to be ok with all of this when I'm not.

I don't know how I'm going to act or what I'm going to say when he's coming home. I don't want to tell him that it's ok, I'm here. Because no, it's not ok, and I might not stay here much longer (we're also in couple's therapy, he knows I'm getting at the end of my rope). Anyone has any experience or advice ?

Tdlr; Lately my boyfriend has been going to bed late and gotten little sleep, which is affecting the training he's following (and our subsequent future). I'd like to talk about this and give him a wake up call, but want to be mindful that this is probably caused by his depression and want to be supportive of that too.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:38

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA for drinking alcohol at every family gathering and cryptically smiling when somebody suggested I do it because I can't handle hanging out with them?

NTA, but you should probably just tell them why and if they can't deal then you won't have to see them again.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:43

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA for introducing my sister to my boyfriend while he was in drag?

No? Why is this a question?

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:44

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

how do i gently tell my bf he needs to wipe better?

quote:

first off, i know. i�m mortified that i even have to put this out here, so obviously this is a throwaway account.

so my bf (24) and i (22) have been together for about six months. he�s really into anal play, which is okay as long as he showered beforehand....

but...

if he doesn�t shower before, my fingers get covered in poop. and i�m not talking a little residue. i�m talking fully fledged CAKED. i don�t know how to approach this without embarrassing him but i�m absolutely disgusted. it�s making me not even want to be around him.

tl;dr bf doesn�t wipe well; leaves poop on my fingers when i finger him. help me tell him gently.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:47

Patrick Spens: Jul 21, 2006; "Every quarterback says they've got guts, But how many have actually seen 'em?"; Pillbug

Chomp8645 posted:

True, but imo it's not ok to go around publicly accusing people of things that are "perfectly possible". It wouldn't be ok to tell everyone in the shop "hey, Joe is a rapist!" , or a thief, or an abuser, or an addict, because it's "perfectly possible" when the only evidence presented is "he's a dick to me".

Oh yeah, the op's a dick. I'm just saying that "acts weird and hostile to a black person" can in fact be evidence of racism.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:47

Mr. Fall Down Terror: Jan 24, 2018; by Fluffdaddy

Smirking_Serpent posted:

How to help/handle a recovering depressed boyfriend who is loving things up?

Small heads up : although I'm quite fluent, English is not my native language, so I might use some weird wording.

I've (30F) been with my boyfriend (45M) for the past 5 years, we've been living together for two. Shortly before we moved in together, my boyfriend had a string of bad luck : he lost the investments he made

bitcoin

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:48

Tythas: Oct 3, 2013; Never felt at home in reality
Always hiding behind avatars

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Partner 29m used 3some app for years to try and facilitate couple experiences. I download it, he says we should delete it as its 'toxic'. Should I be worried?

Partner was experienced in 3somes and we discussed exploring them a few years back. We've been together 5yrs. I was initially hesitant but open to explore he downloaded an app similar to tinder but for kink/polyamory and said he would manage as a couple account.

When asked about the messages/people on the app repeatedly, he didn't show me or provide login just said it wasn't great and mostly fakes.

In the end we had a couple experiences but not via the app.

He's been more active on it lately as seen the notifications pop up, despite seeming less interested in sex with me. Over time I've got more keen to explore this together and decide to download the app too, I request to link my account as his partner.

When I do this he messages: 'the app is full of horny guys and fakes. I think we should delete it'.

Just me or does this seem off? He's clearly been using it, allegedly as a partner account. Why decide we should delete it now?

Tldr: partner uses 3some app for years allegedly as couple, I download it, says its useless and we should delete. Should I be suspicious?

UPDATE: When brought it up he just said he would delete the app, and then made a pount of showing me he was uninstalling it. Apart from the fact you can re install it to me that just seems like he wanted to avoid any interaction on the content of messages past.

he also just sidetracked - via our WhatsApp "It's like Facebook but worse. It's something you end up scrolling impulsively to waste time when you really should be doing something productive. It's been years and zero leads on it, it's time I'm not getting back and neither are you."

He's totally cheating on her

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:51

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

chitoryu12 posted:

how do i gently tell my bf he needs to wipe better?

I just threw up a little.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:53

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Patrick Spens posted:

Oh yeah, the op's a dick. I'm just saying that "acts weird and hostile to a black person" can in fact be evidence of racism.

The only evidence we have that he could be a racist is the OP saying he "heavily insinuated" that he deserved to be called that for screenshotting her story. We don't actually have any reason to believe the rear end in a top hat's version of events here.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:53

a very large fish: Oct 18, 2012

Hobo Clown posted:

A few years ago my brother asked for a raise and was turned down, so he started interviewing at other places. Got an offer, put in his notice, and the original job got freaked out and offered him a massive raise to match what the other place was going to pay. He ended up staying since it meant he didn't have to move. As part of it they also apparently put some money away in a college fund for his at-the-time newborn, with the caveat that he needs to still be working there when she would eventually use it. It was a real Mr. Burns "Don't Forget You're Here Forever" move on their part.

You never accept the counter offer.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:59

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# ? May 28, 2024 20:10

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Help (anxious avoidant relationship) (also help with how to productively talk to someone who is avoidant in a way that is comfortable for them and doesn't hurt them)

quote:

TL;DR: Basically in short I've (19F in my first relationship so i don't know whats normal) learned my bf (22M) has been masturbating in the bathroom when im there every couple of days (or at lest that's what it seems like) and its impacting our sex life. we have a very anxious-avoidant relationship how can I approach talking to him about this? it's left me feeling like poo poo for 2 weeks now and i've been trying to get over it but I don't know if I can. please read the whole thing or as much of it as you can bc like every relationship problem there are diff. aspects to it. Also is this normal am I being overreactive?

To preface this I really love this guy and would like to be with him forever but I want to figure out how to have a productive conversation with him about this where he knows I love him. I only want to talk about this because it's harming my relationship with him. We are definitely and anxious-avoidant relationship, me being on the anxious end, but he does really try to make me happy and ease my anxiety as much as someone who is completely different can but it also makes trying to have these types of convos with him difficult and somewhat unapproachable because I think (from what I can understand) he probably feels attacked and like I don't like him when for me I'm only approaching this problem because I love him and value our relationship and want it to be the best it can be and it can't be this way with me feeling like this about this (sorry that was a long and confusing sentence). If there are any avoidant ppl out there advice as to how to approach having a discussion like this were the person can feel safe and not attacked would be great.

I'm (19F trust issues from PTSD so honesty is very important to me) in my first relationship with my bf (M22) and have recently found out he masturbates in the bathroom when i'm there. When I first found out I was on my period and I didn't mind bc I don't really like to have sex on my period and I was sleeping I also opened his phone to play a game and the first thing that popped up was porn and we talked about it but he said he only did it when we hung out for like 4 days and if im on my period. Even if he did it like one a week with me there that wouildnt b as big of a deal. Im a very willing partner and like to please him if hes feeling horny even if i'm not getting off (basically I don't turn him down) but today I went to pee and like all the other times when hes done it the showers on (we normally go pee while the other is showering and we'll even poop if we have to, him more so less than me) and he had been in there for 15 minutes and the door was locked (he locks the door when he does it) and we had already had sex 2 days in a row and I know he had jerked off in the bathroom 2 days ago.

Whenever we have sex apart from the first week/month of us doing it he doesn't seem to get all the way hard and i cant seem to make him fully hard most of the time he closes his eyes when we do anything or if im doing anything to him and that seems to be the only way he can get it up. I'm a person who would like to do it everyday or even a couple times a day but i know that may not be possible for guys so even a couple days a week is cool with me but sometimes its not even that frequent. I understand masturbation in small amounts can be healthy but I didnt realize how much he does it until now, I've said before im fine masturbating together and i like the intimacy of that and he knows he can come to me for a quickie or bj and even we can even watch porn together while i do it. It makes me feel repulsive and like he doesnt find me attractive (im not a supermodel but im not horrible to look at, at least not enough to where id think my bf would have to close his eyes to keep an erection) the fact he lied after he knows how important being truthful to me is hurts alot too.

I don't know whats normal and want any advice as to whether this normal and if its not how do I approach this or how to approach talking to him. we've been together for almost a year now and he said months ago he wants to be with me forever but i don't see how I can be if I don't feel like he'll be truthfull or if im going to have to keep feeling like this. I've been trying to not let it effect me but this is hurting me alot any advice or input would be great. Ive tried talking to him about similar things but he always shuts it down and gets very hurt but im also not a great communicator. If this isnt normal how do I approach a conversation with in a way where he still knows and feels loved but realizes how this hurting our relationship and be willing to talk about this with me?

"Anxious-avoidant relationship" sounds absolutely exhausting.

# ? Dec 12, 2019 20:59

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