- Power Khan
- Aug 20, 2011
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by Fritz the Horse
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AITA for being upset my partner's family Christmas is "family only"?
Not the A-hole
So to give a bit of context here: I've been seeing my partner January of this year. We're both guys, I'm 22 and he's 24. We've lived together since August.
I've spent Christmas alone for the past six years as my parents kicked me out when I came out to them at 16 and my entire family cut contact. My partner has the opposite relationship with his family. They're all super close and like to have big family gatherings on holidays and birthdays. I've met his parents and both of his sisters, as well his sisters' husbands and kids and got along well with all of them.
Honestly, one of the things I was most looking forwards to being with him, especially living with him, was having someone to spend Christmas with. In the run up to December, I found myself actually getting super hyped to spend Chrsitmas with his family and actually have a bunch of people around on the day for the first time in so long.
That all kinda got squashed at the start of the month. His mum basically said that I wouldn't be able to spend Christmas with them because it's family only in their household, meaning only blood relatives and their spouses and kids. Since my boyfriend and I aren't married and haven't really been together that long, I'm not to go over for Christmas, though I'm welcome to spend New Year with them.
Honestly? I'm loving devastated. I'm not even expecting to get gifts or anything like that, I was just looking forwards to not being by myself on the day again. It caused a bit of a back and forth between one of his sisters and I. I didn't explicitly say anything to his family but I did ask if my partner wouldn't mind at least coming home after dinner and stuff instead of staying overnight like he usually would. I guess he passed it along cause she got mad at me for being entitled and trying to keep him from his family. He's now basically offering to not go at all, but I don't want that because I'd feel bad if he missed out on family time because of me. I'm still really really upset that I've been excluded and I've cried about it a couple of times. His sisters are now both not really speaking to me and it's causing tension for him in his family. I feel really really bad for causing all of this. Am I objectively an arsehole?
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Dec 18, 2019 13:16
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Jun 12, 2024 18:47
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- Beachcomber
- May 21, 2007
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Another day in paradise.
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Slippery Tilde
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AITA for being upset my partner's family Christmas is "family only"?
Not the A-hole
So to give a bit of context here: I've been seeing my partner January of this year. We're both guys, I'm 22 and he's 24. We've lived together since August.
I've spent Christmas alone for the past six years as my parents kicked me out when I came out to them at 16 and my entire family cut contact. My partner has the opposite relationship with his family. They're all super close and like to have big family gatherings on holidays and birthdays. I've met his parents and both of his sisters, as well his sisters' husbands and kids and got along well with all of them.
Honestly, one of the things I was most looking forwards to being with him, especially living with him, was having someone to spend Christmas with. In the run up to December, I found myself actually getting super hyped to spend Chrsitmas with his family and actually have a bunch of people around on the day for the first time in so long.
That all kinda got squashed at the start of the month. His mum basically said that I wouldn't be able to spend Christmas with them because it's family only in their household, meaning only blood relatives and their spouses and kids. Since my boyfriend and I aren't married and haven't really been together that long, I'm not to go over for Christmas, though I'm welcome to spend New Year with them.
Honestly? I'm loving devastated. I'm not even expecting to get gifts or anything like that, I was just looking forwards to not being by myself on the day again. It caused a bit of a back and forth between one of his sisters and I. I didn't explicitly say anything to his family but I did ask if my partner wouldn't mind at least coming home after dinner and stuff instead of staying overnight like he usually would. I guess he passed it along cause she got mad at me for being entitled and trying to keep him from his family. He's now basically offering to not go at all, but I don't want that because I'd feel bad if he missed out on family time because of me. I'm still really really upset that I've been excluded and I've cried about it a couple of times. His sisters are now both not really speaking to me and it's causing tension for him in his family. I feel really really bad for causing all of this. Am I objectively an arsehole?
Any family that would make someone be alone on Christmas is poo poo.
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Dec 18, 2019 13:20
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- Warbadger
- Jun 17, 2006
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"Had to dip in into her retirement account" loses a little meaning when grandma has a $40K+ credit limit on a single card. Grandma liquidated some of her portfolio, she wasn't pulling her last hundred out from underneath the mattress.
What the sister did is hosed up but the OP is trying to paint grandma like she's going to be eating catfood because of it.
She didn't say Grandma's card had over 40k on it all at once. She said the sister had been doctoring the statements over a long period of time to hide 40k in purchases. Grandma wasn't doing the math to figure out she was being overcharged.
Warbadger fucked around with this message at 13:30 on Dec 18, 2019
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Dec 18, 2019 13:21
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- Beachcomber
- May 21, 2007
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Another day in paradise.
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Slippery Tilde
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Bet his partner's sibling's spouses got to go before they married.
Also, the sisters are terrible people. Goddamn. "Please may I see my partner for a few hours on Christmas?" "No, how dare you even ask!"
According to OP they didn't, but they also had families to be with.
OP posted:
He mentioned that he wouldn't be staying because I'd be by myself if he did and she called asking if I'd told him to say so. I said I'd mentioned it and she got upset and told me how I'm no more entitled to him than they are and that I've no right to keep him from his family. I told her that isn't what I was trying to do, I'd just be on my own all day if he didn't come home in the afternoon/evening. She said that I should be used to it by now so she didn't see what the problem was. I told her she was being unfair and cruel and she told me I was being entitled and not respecting their family traditions.
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Dec 18, 2019 13:34
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- Propaniac
- Nov 28, 2000
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SUSHI ROULETTO!
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College Slice
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My (29F) husband of a year (37M) has a gay friend (20M) who's obsessed with him and he won't tell him to stop.
quote:I know this is sort of a weird issue. I didn't really realize until recent events that it was weird because my husband has always had explanations that seem like they made sense. I still don't really know if I'm misinterpreting or overreacting...
Basically this guy is totally obsessed with my husband but he doesn't see it, or thinks it isn't a big deal. His friend is very possessive of him. My husband has a hard time saying no. That means he's canceled on plans or events with me, family, and other friends of his to hang out with this guy. They aren't doing anything monumental. Just chilling at the guy's apartment, smoking weed, and going to bars. They text throughout the day most days if they don't see each other.
I recently found out he's been paying his friend's rent. Combined with how the friend is broke so my husband usually pays for his dinners and drinks when they go out, he's spending over a thousand bucks a month on this guy.
I told him this is absurd and was so alarmed at his financial carelessness. He said he's just trying to help him out because the guy has a hard life and he feels bad. So I don't know what to do. I feel guilty telling him he can or can't spend his own money how he wants, who am I to say no you can't help someone, you know? Ughhhh. Then I think how we want kids soon and how tf can we if he's doing this.
The other thing I'm uncomfortable with is how they go to gay clubs. I'm not afraid it's going to "turn him gay" or some poo poo, it's that I don't understand what interest my husband would have in going to them. He says he goes to keep his friend company since he doesn't have many friends to go with. Is that reasonable? I mean, I have a friend who really likes D&D and I have no issue with that but I don't force myself to take part in her games when I know it's not my thing...
Overall it's annoying to me to be spending time with my husband when his phone is constantly going off from this guy being clingy. He's begging him to come over, or spamming memes, or having a meltdown that my husband has abandoned him so he doesn't see the point in life anymore, or just anything to get my husband's attention. And it usually works which is really pissing me off.
My husband believes I'm reading too much into it. That his friend is just lonely. I say it's something more, he's clearly "in love" or at least infatuated with him, and my husband simply won't even consider the idea. He says I'm majorly overreacting. He has also gotten angry at me more than once, yelling then storming off when I've expressed disappointment that he was gonna go out with his friend instead of something I'd thought we were doing together. My husband is a very calm sweet-mannered guy who never gets mad, except when it's about his friend. Then I feel like I'm becoming a controlling, jealous wife.
He's even said (since he's known this guy longer than me) that he isn't going to "be that guy who ditches his friendships for his wife when he can see me all the time."
I'm just so fed up and don't know wtf to make of this. I think he secretly loves being so "needed" by this guy. But I need him too. And I feel like sometimes he doesn't care.
TL;DR: Is this normal? Husband frequently skips on spending time with me and others to hang out with one particular friend instead. He pays for a lot of his friend's expenses which bothers me. His friend is gay and I feel like he doesn't seem to respect the fact that my husband is not, and is also not single either. My husband always has a reasonable defense for him, and gets upset with me that I'm being paranoid. How do I handle this?
From comments (where everyone is telling her this guy is obviously her husband's boyfriend):
quote:He knew him because he was a student at the school where he teaches, my husband didn't teach him but he taught the guy's brother who reached out to my husband when his friend was disowned because he felt bad but couldn't do anything. He had looked up to my husband and asked if he could reach out and make sure his brother was okay.
I met my husband shortly after that happened, we've been together around 2 and a half years.
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Dec 18, 2019 14:05
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- Transmogrifier
- Dec 10, 2004
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Systems at max!
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Lipstick Apathy
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AITA for celebrating my son losing his TaeKwonDo match but not my daughter winning hers?
quote:Son is 11, daughter is 14, both are Tae Kwon Do black belts. Last year was my son’s first year competing in this tournament, and he not only won his match, he was given a special award by his instructor for being the best in the show. We were obviously very proud of him and took him out to dinner. My daughter did not compete last year as she had a school trip.
This year my daughter was paired with a boy who was smaller than her and a lower belt rank. Of course she won easily. We waited and waited for my son’s name to be called, but it never was. Eventually I spoke to the instructor who said there had been an error and my son wasn’t on the list of competitors. In order to give him a chance to compete, he was paired with one of the assistant instructors. Naturally he lost as he is an 11 year old boy.
He is a sensitive kid and was visibly upset about losing especially after doing so well last year, so we went out to his favorite place and made it all about him. I stressed how important it is to lose gracefully and how brave he was to be put up against odds like he was and try his hardest anyway. I also congratulated my daughter for winning her match, but didn’t go overboard because it was easy for her and nothing she hasn’t done before. I also didn’t want my son to feel worse hearing how proud I was of his sister (he already feels somewhat competitive with her).
Well, now my daughter is pissed that I supposedly didn’t care about her win. She thinks it isn’t fair that her brother was celebrated when he won last year and she isn’t. I don’t think it’s comparable because she didn’t win a special award like he did and wasn’t even really challenged, but am I being an rear end in a top hat?
Edit: I do not favor my son over my daughter. If he had won an easy match and she had lost to an instructor, I would have made sure to celebrate her in the same way I celebrated my son. I’m a woman and a feminist so it’s not a gender thing either.
I think a lot of people are missing the part where I did congratulate my daughter. I told her I was proud of her, and I went on to say that I had confidence the whole time that she had it in the bag because she has won harder matches before.
Lastly, someone accused my son of being a poor loser. I assure you this was not the case. He was gracious in the moment and shook the instructor’s hand, but later when he thought no one was looking I could see he was about to cry.
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Dec 18, 2019 14:34
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- Transmogrifier
- Dec 10, 2004
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Systems at max!
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Lipstick Apathy
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This is like the precursor to the threesome where the female BFF was hardcore ignoring the guy and when he went to have sex with her she lost her mind and freaked out. Turns out the whole thing had been set up by the BFF because she was obsessed with the GF.
Later it came out the BFF planned with her boyfriend to basically tag team rape the GF so she could get a chance because "she'll start liking it eventually".
My [21F] best friend's [23F] fiance [29M] is extremely inappropriate towards me.
quote:I am at a loss for how to go about handling this situation in an appropriate manner. Any kind of advice would be greatly appreciated at this point. To make this easier, lets call my friend Kate and her fiance John.
I met Kate during my sophomore year of high school through mutual acquaintances. We became very close so naturally I was devastated when she moved several states away after graduating. Despite the distance, we kept contact and remained as good of friends as ever.
About two years ago, my family happened to take a vacation in very close proximity to her new home. So, we excitedly planned to meet. It felt amazing to see her again- we both dashed out of our cars and hugged and squealed like stereotypical best friends. We hung out all evening and caught up with one another in person. Also, I had the chance to finally meet her fiance of one year. I had heard only great things about this guy and he seemed very pleasant.
Shortly after returning home, I received a text message from an unknown number- John. He thanked me for stopping by to see Kate, saying that it really lifted her spirits and he hadn't seen her so happy in a long time. Understanding the personal issues Kate had been struggling with lately, I told him I was glad to have helped. I assumed Kate had given him my number and didn't think much else about it.
John would text me here and there about little insignificant things. He'd mention a movie him and Kate were about to see and ask my opinion, or suggest to me a fun new video game they'd bought. I would answer is questions or respond to suggestions, but never carry on a conversation beyond the original topic. John would attempt to keep me talking, but I always dropped off due in part to me not being very big on texting.
More than a year after seeing Kate, I received a very late night text from John saying "I miss you". Assuming he had sent this to me by mistake, I ignored it.
Fast forward to a month or so ago- I took a weekend trip to visit Kate. We had been planning this get together for a while and I was super excited to spend some much needed girl time with her. I had been anticipating a chill weekend with my best friend, but nothing could have prepared me for the Twilight Zone poo poo I was about to walk into.
Kate and John picked me up from the airport and I was made to feel uncomfortable almost immediately. John had extended his arms for a hug upon my arrival, which I thought nothing of and accepted. He held me a bit too tightly and a bit too long and then commented on how hot I looked. Not nice or even pretty- "hot". I sort of just laughed awkwardly and looked towards Kate, who seemed to not be paying attention at the moment.
I pushed this aside, chalking it up to a social fluke on his part and enjoyed the rest of my day with them. The daylight hours went smoothly, save for John suggesting several times that we all get drunk that evening. Not being a drinker, I declined only to have him get a little pushy with it. I politely reaffirmed my opinion and he eventually dropped it.
After returning to their home, the three of us hung out in the family room and watched a bit of television. We all began talking and somehow came to the topic of a pregnancy scare Kate had told me about a few months prior. John proceeded to tell me how stupid Kate was for way in which she worried over a possible pregnancy. He said that he had told her several times that it was hardly possible and to "stop being such a stupid loving spazz over it". He went on to tell me that it was her own fault for forgetting her birth control and that it was bullshit for her to then expect him to use a condom.
I was entirely thrown off at the way he had raised his voice and talked so rudely about my friend. I defended her, saying that it was an entirely legitimate thing to worry over and that if she prefers that he wear a condom in order to be safe that he should respect her wishes. He only laughed at me and Kate stayed totally silent during the entire interaction.
John then asked if I wanted to sleep in bed with him and Kate rather than in the guest room, which I found totally strange. I declined the offer and went to bed.
The following morning, Kate and I had made plans to go shopping. She mentioned John wouldn't be with us because he had to work, which I was very grateful for. Before leaving the house, however, John stopped me and said "You're a heavy sleeper"
Confused, I gave gave a weird look and asked what he meant. He went on to say "You're a heavy sleeper- you don't even wake up when people touch you" now normally, I would have interpreted this as someone possibly trying to rouse me earlier by tapping my shoulder or something along those lines. But the way in which John was smirking at me and the inflection and emphasis he had put on the word 'touch' caused me to think otherwise. I asked John what the gently caress he was talking about and he only laughed, saying it was nothing.
Now, I happen to take some relatively strong sleeping pills- which Kate is aware of. These knock me out pretty hard, but I believe I would have woken up given the chance that someone entered the room or touched me inappropriately. So I highly doubt anything actually happened, but the possibility of him groping me in my sleep makes me sick. Actually, the fact that he would say that to me just to cause anxiety makes me sick.
I went on to try and enjoy my outing with Kate- which unfortunately didn't offer much solace. While stopped at a red light, Kate and I sat quietly as a group of pedestrians crossed the street. Kate made a comment on how beautiful one particular girl in the crowd happened to be. I agreed that she was a very pretty woman, only for Kate to suddenly spout out- "I'm not attracted to men"
She had said this as if the words had been dying to leave her lips for years. I was pretty dumbfounded and caught off guard by the sudden confession, as I had never entertained the idea of Kate being a lesbian. She had mentioned once a short fling she shared with a girl in middle school, but claimed it to have been nothing more than a cry for attention. We joked about this here and there but I never thought she could have been lying.
I didn't answer due to lacking a decent response, so she followed up by blatantly telling me that she is a lesbian and that she doesn't love John. I asked Kate why on Earth she would marry him then and she only said "because I think it's what I should do". I tried to talk to her more about this but she then told me she would prefer the subject be dropped.
At this point, I was counting down the hours to my flight home the next morning and after hearing John would be joining us for dinner I was even more eager to get away. After meeting up with him, the three of us began walking into the restaurant only for me to catch John's hand veering dangerously close to my butt. I shifted away and he moved very quickly in an attempted to grab it. Luckily I managed to jump to the side, leaving him with only his fingertips brushing my skirt. I told him to watch his loving hands and he just laughed again and made some kind of comment on my appearance and the fact that he couldn't help it.
Dinner couldn't have gone by slower. I sat there hardly saying a word and wondering if I should just try and get a hotel room for the evening. However, my stupid self decided that I could make it one more night and save the cash.
I told Kate that I was very tired the moment we got back to her place, but she insisted that I watch our favorite movie together before I have to go home. Unable to say no, the two of us head up to her room (her roommate's bedroom is on the bottom floor next to the family room so the television would have woken them up).
About an hour into the movie, John comes in and asks to watch with us. Kate tells him of course and hardly ten minutes passes before he's attempting to convince Kate and I to kiss. I say no repeatedly and just keep looking at the screen. Kate isn't saying a drat word about it and John actually starts pleading with us to just kiss really quick so I tell him to shut up and that he's ruining the movie.
A couple more minutes of silence pass by until John outright asks if I'd like to sleep with him. The way that he went about asking was as if he had deluded himself into thinking he was loving irresistible to me. I told him NO and pointed out the fact that Kate was sitting right next to me. I looked at her, expecting some kind of response but it was obvious that she'd totally spaced out at this point. John informed me that Kate was fine with "sharing him".
He continued to badger me and insisted that I show him some appreciation for allowing me to stay in his home. I looked at Kate and asked her "how the gently caress are you okay with this?" she looked as if she was unable to hear me- staring straight ahead with dull eyes.
I got up to leave, only for John to attempt to block the door. Mind you, I'm a 5 foot tall 100 pound girl being physically blocked by a very large man. I tell John firmly to move only for him to once again say that I owe him. I took my chances and shouldered my way past him. Luckily, he didn't do much but attempt to grab me as I exited the room. I gathered my things quickly and got the hotel room.
Kate never even acknowledged what happened. I think she may be suffering from either John's abuse or some kind of mental disorder- which makes me feel bad for being angry with her. But I am, I'm very angry that she sat by and did nothing while her fiance was so aggressive with me. Kate is aware that I was sexually assaulted in the recent past and therefore am sensitive to such pushy advances.
I talk to Kate very sparsely and she doesn't seem to understand why. By coincidence, I happen to have accepted a role in an internship program close to the city she lives in. Within a month, I will be living in very close proximity to both her and John and I need to figure out what to do.
I want to help my friend- I'm afraid that she is experiencing abuse, living a lie by pretending to be heterosexual, and may possibly be suffering from some kind of mental illness.
I have never been in a situation like this and I'm at a complete loss. I don't want to see Kate after I move because that in turn means I'll see John. Any advice as to how I can help her and try to diffuse this situation would be massively helpful.
TL;DR: Best friend's fiance is inappropriate and aggressive towards me during weekend trip. Friend also claims to be a lesbian and is only marrying fiance out of obligation. I'll be living close to them soon
Edit: wooaah my gosh I just woke up and I had no expectations of this post blowing up so much. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the advice and support. Seriously, you guys have no idea how much it means to me.
I've decided to talk to Kate. I'm nervous as Hell because I have no clue how she'll react, but I need to reach out to her. She has been there for me during trying times in my life, I want to be there for her.
I know for a fact that John works tonight and Kate will accompany him sometimes and just sort of sit there and be idle all evening (I should have recognized this as weird earlier) but I don't know if she's going tonight. I asked if she'd like to skype this evening and she responded with "why do you want to talk to me all of a sudden?". I told her I'd just like to catch up and apologized for being so busy as of late. Haven't received an answer just yet, but I'll try my best to update tonight if we get the chance to talk.
Edit 2: Skyping with Kate tonight. She agreed a lot more excitedly than I had anticipated judging by her preceding texts. We chatted for just a little bit afterward and oddly- she brought up the fact that she had recently watched Rush and commented on how hot Chris Hemsworth is. I was a bit thrown off for obvious reasons, given that she had not only confessed to being lesbian but verbatim told me she's not attracted to men. Maybe I'm reading too far into it so I just agreed that yes, Chris Hemsworth is indeed gifted and told her I couldn't wait to talk tonight. I'm still very nervous.
UPDATE: My [21F] best friend's [23F] fiancé [29M] is extremely inappropriate towards me
quote:So, I know my original post is super old but I received an invitation to Kate and John's wedding today. It reminded me of this whole thing and more importantly the fact that I never really thanked everyone for all your supportive comments and advice. *Thank you very very much.*Plenty of people had been asking for an update but honestly I became so busy with prepping to move that Reddit was not on my list of priorities.
So, onto the update.
I went through with the Skype chat as planned. Luckily, I had successfully caught Kaye alone. We small talked for hardly a minute because my nerves where buzzing and I wanted to get this over with. I jumped right to it and explained to her why I'd been distancing myself- that John's behavior was seriously concerning. I listed to her the exact events that had made me feel uncomfortable both for her safety and mine. She listened in dead silence as I'm certain this had not been her expectation for our chat. After I'd finished, I asked why she would want to spend her life with this man, especially since she'd confided in me her sexual orientation. Kate broke down pretty quickly and to sum it up- she's been in love with me since high school.
I can't put into proper words how I feel about this part. Yes, as some of you had suggested, Kate and John had been trying to set up a threesome the entire weekend I was there. I asked her who's idea it had been and she said it was hers, but that John was incredibly excited at the suggestion. She admitted to having planned the entire thing out with John before even inviting me to visit. She said they planned to see if the intimacy would come naturally and then try and initiate if that were not the case. I asked her why she was okay with John acting so coercive and she said he'd promised to "make it happen no matter what" after I hadn't caught the hint the past two nights. She said she felt desperate to be with me intimately and would do anything for that to happen. I asked her even if it meant having to force me and she said maybe so but I would "enjoy it eventually"?????????? That I would probably have just given in and she could join if John had "followed through"
Not gonna lie, this made me feel loving sick but I set those feelings aside and told her very gently that I don't reciprocate her romantic feelings, but I still care for her as a friend. I told her that I feared for her safety and happiness and only wanted to help. Well, that completely flipped a switch.
Honestly, I've never seen Kate angry. She's a passive person to a fault but holy poo poo did she lose it on me. Kate made a total 180 and began making accusations that didn't make sense. That I was trying to steal John away from her and that I can't have him (???????) that his sexual aggression towards me (as well as my past sexual assault) was directly my fault due to how I dress and present myself, that ALL her insecurities are my fault because she has to put up with John talking about how I look and asking why she can't act more like me (I enjoy doing my makeup and hair, wearing dresses and heels when I go out, while Kate wears only baggy clothing and does nothing to her hair or face- it's always been this way. We just have different styles). Anyhow, she ended her tirade telling me to kill myself so honestly I hung up after that. I feel as though Kate is dealing with issues that are far out of my league to assist with and I couldn't continue speaking to her
My internship is over now, so I'm home and away from both of them. During my internship, they both attempted to contact me multiple times but I always deleted the messages. Kate simply ignored what had transpired between us and asked why I wouldn't speak to her- then John made a few jokes about kidnapping me.
I only saw the both of them once during my entire internship. I had the chance to attend a large pop culture convention and I was seriously so stoked about it despite having no friends to go with. Luckily, I found a couple girls on Facebook through my internship group page who were also looking for people to go with. I knew for a fact Kate and John would be going, as they attend every year. Plus, the costume I chose to wear was near unmissable, so I was certain they would notice me. But honestly I was not about to let them spoil the event for me and went anyhow. I gave the girls a rundown of the situation and they all assured me they had my backs.
Lo and behold, as I'm standing in an autograph line with my friend- who hugs me from behind but John. I basically went into spazz mode and flailed until he let go. Dickweed acted confused, Kate was right beside him being quiet. I'd like to say that I told him off like a champ but I didn't. I was scared, honestly, so I just ran. I was wearing massive heels so I had to do that weird crouch move where you're not really running, but more so fast walking like a werewolf. Couple of the girls followed me to make sure I was good. Never saw them again.
I know the general consensus was to not cut Kate out of my life but I honestly do not believe either of them are safe to be around. I feel that Kate is dealing with something beyond what I can assist with and my personal safety needs to come first. Obviously I'm not going to the wedding. Thank you for all the helpful advice and support I received on my previous post.
TLDR: Kate claims to be in love with me and had been planning a threesome the entire time. I have no contact with her or John
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Dec 18, 2019 14:39
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- Leon Einstein
- Feb 6, 2012
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I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.
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From comments (where everyone is telling her this guy is obviously her husband's boyfriend):
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Dec 18, 2019 15:25
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- Cyks
- Mar 17, 2008
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The trenches of IT can scar a muppet for life
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AITA for being upset my partner's family Christmas is "family only"?
Nah, they just don't approve of your lifestyle and using it as an excuse. Just because they were nice to you in person doesn't mean they will ever consider you part of the family. Hopefully OP's BF realises that soon too otherwise this relationship looks to be doomed.
My (29F) husband of a year (37M) has a gay friend (20M) who's obsessed with him and he won't tell him to stop.
Lol.
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Dec 18, 2019 15:30
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- Kuros
- Sep 13, 2010
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Oh look, the consequences of my prior actions are finally catching up to me.
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AITA for “aggressively” coming out as a lesbian to my Dad’s friends at a Christmas party?
quote:
I hate some of my Dad’s friends. One guy in particular is my Dad’s former carpenter. He’s a super Uber Christian and is a raging homophobe. I don’t mean like “oooo I disagree with gays politically no gay marriage sanctities of marriage.” He literally talks about gay people dying and burning in hell gleefully. He has mentioned how gay marriage will lead to sex with children and animals, and has said Russia has the right idea with the gay bashing’s. I have expressed to both my parents how much I HATE this guy and his homophobe wife, but they continue to invite these people to our house and force me to interact with them.
So Carpenter pulls me into a conversation I don’t really want to have at the party. I told him about college apps and going to Cape Cod this summer with my friends. He commented “oh, God hasn’t burned that place down or thrown it into the ocean yet?” I was super mad so I responded, “Guess I didn’t notice, I was too busy having sex with other girls!” I apparently was really loud, because a lot of people looked over. My Dad immediately ran up and started doing damage control mostly “ohhh teenagers say the darndest things lol how silly!!!” But both Carpenter and his wife were mad at the “disrespect” and left. Now both of my parents are super mad at me but I’m mad at them for forcing me to play nice with this guy for so long, even though they’ve known I’m a lesbian for years.
AITA?
Pretty obvious that everyone else is the rear end in a top hat except OP.
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Dec 18, 2019 17:21
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- Cyks
- Mar 17, 2008
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The trenches of IT can scar a muppet for life
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AITA for “aggressively” coming out as a lesbian to my Dad’s friends at a Christmas party?
Pretty obvious that everyone else is the rear end in a top hat except OP.
These type of posts are just for karma and whatever Reddit gold gives you, right? Like are people ever seriously asking if calling out bigotry is wrong?
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Dec 18, 2019 17:38
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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These type of posts are just for karma and whatever Reddit gold gives you, right? Like are people ever seriously asking if calling out bigotry is wrong?
you realize that 'calling out bigotry is okay' is a wildly unpopular position in both Reddit and the US right
A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 17:43 on Dec 18, 2019
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Dec 18, 2019 17:39
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- VanSandman
- Feb 16, 2011
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SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER
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AITA for “aggressively” coming out as a lesbian to my Dad’s friends at a Christmas party?
Pretty obvious that everyone else is the rear end in a top hat except OP.
Yes let's just keep being friends with someone that literally wants my daughter to die violently, that's a real good idea!
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Dec 18, 2019 17:43
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- cumshitter
- Sep 27, 2005
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by Fluffdaddy
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She didn't say Grandma's card had over 40k on it all at once. She said the sister had been doctoring the statements over a long period of time to hide 40k in purchases. Grandma wasn't doing the math to figure out she was being overcharged.
It was over a year in the OP. There'd either have to be a high limit or regular payments on a lower limit card to cover it up.
I looked into the OP's thread. Apparently it went on for 1.5 years, and the sister hid it by opening another card in the grandma's name and doing balance transfers. Then paying/using the fraudulent card. But grandma has spoken to the credit card issuer and apparently they can't file for fraud because it's family? More likely it's because she's not filing a police report.
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Dec 18, 2019 17:44
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- Leon Einstein
- Feb 6, 2012
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I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.
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It was over a year in the OP. There'd either have to be a high limit or regular payments on a lower limit card to cover it up.
I looked into the OP's thread. Apparently it went on for 1.5 years, and the sister hid it by opening another card in the grandma's name and doing balance transfers. Then paying/using the fraudulent card. But grandma has spoken to the credit card issuer and apparently they can't file for fraud because it's family? More likely it's because she's not filing a police report.
The point is that the grandma isn't automatically rich because she didn't notice 40k stolen over a long period of time with doctored statements. You just made that up.
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Dec 18, 2019 17:47
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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AITA for “aggressively” coming out as a lesbian to my Dad’s friends at a Christmas party?
Pretty obvious that everyone else is the rear end in a top hat except OP.
Given the description of "aggressively" coming out I was hoping for something more theatrical and violent. Like riding a Harley into the kitchen looking like KD Lang and then beating him with a chain while singing Trail of Broken Hearts. I'm very disappointed.
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Dec 18, 2019 17:49
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- cumshitter
- Sep 27, 2005
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by Fluffdaddy
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The point is that the grandma isn't automatically rich because she didn't notice 40k stolen over a long period of time with doctored statements. You just made that up.
My point was that she was probably fairly rich if she has a ridiculous credit limit on a card and can apparently pay off $40K immediately, while simultaneously accepting the repayment as an interest free loan.
That wasn't the case though, and the fraud went well beyond just using the single card and into identity theft.
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Dec 18, 2019 17:53
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- Leon Einstein
- Feb 6, 2012
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I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.
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Yeah, she probably would be rich if the details you imagined were real.
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Dec 18, 2019 17:55
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- cumshitter
- Sep 27, 2005
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by Fluffdaddy
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OK Leon, thank you.
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Dec 18, 2019 17:55
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- teen witch
- Oct 9, 2012
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Like riding a Harley into the kitchen looking like KD Lang and then beating him with a chain while singing Trail of Broken Hearts.
This is me now.
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Dec 18, 2019 18:08
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- Smirking_Serpent
- Aug 27, 2009
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AITA For Making Sure I Flush When Salespeople Are on the Phone?
So, I work at a job where the sales side brings in some of our money, but they think and act as if they're the one source of it when they're not even the biggest. As a result, they've gotten to the point where they think that our office, and every remote office, belongs entirely to them; (walking around the entire office on the phone, using the mother's room for phone calls, acting entitled when an affiliate orders food, etc.)
Recently they've gotten to the point to where they'll be on the phone in the bathroom, either during the act of actually using the toilet, or while they're standing in there waiting to use it. Our office has those toilets where you can flush either with high flow or low flow, with the high flow being pretty loud and long (phrasing). So I've started to flush with the high setting when I notice that they're on the phone hoping they get embarrassed, or even that someone on the other end will say something.
- The type of sales we do aren't super urgent. So long as someone gets back to them by the end of the day, they're fine - and I mean the full day, it isn't even limited to business hours
- It's also a type of sale where something like this wouldn't cause a client to back out of a deal, but more or less cause an embarrassing conversation; it's a long term thing, and if they make it to this point of the deal and end up going to someone else, it's because our company had an issue, not the client.
- Obviously, if I can tell it's an emergency thing I don't do it.
TL;DR: Am I an rear end in a top hat for trying to make sure people on the phone hear that someone is in a bathroom?
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Dec 18, 2019 18:10
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- pentyne
- Nov 7, 2012
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It was over a year in the OP. There'd either have to be a high limit or regular payments on a lower limit card to cover it up.
I looked into the OP's thread. Apparently it went on for 1.5 years, and the sister hid it by opening another card in the grandma's name and doing balance transfers. Then paying/using the fraudulent card. But grandma has spoken to the credit card issuer and apparently they can't file for fraud because it's family? More likely it's because she's not filing a police report.
Her son, the father of the thief is "super embarassed" and doesn't want her to file a police report and make it public and is instead trying to pay it back by liquidating his own savings.
Its classic "but family" drama where a chronic their continues to steal from everyone and no one ever makes a serious issue of if for the sake of the family.
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Dec 18, 2019 18:28
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- Smirking_Serpent
- Aug 27, 2009
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WIBTA if I told my sister-in-law that no one wants to see a 30 minute slideshow of her kids?
My sister-in-law has two kids (son and daughter) who are 4 and 6 and she LOVES to take pictures of them and share the photos with everyone. She also loves to throw large birthday parties for her kids, and she’ll get upset if you don’t make it, because she feels that these are very important family functions. Ok fine.
Every year for each of their birthdays, she’ll put together a slide show of photos with music that usually runs about 20 minutes long. She invites the entire family over for their birthday celebrations, and after everyone arrives she has everyone sit down in front of the tv, and watch a slideshow that consists of only pictures of either son or daughter (depending on whose birthday it is of course.) Each year they have usually ran around 15-20 minutes, but last year each slideshow was almost 30 minutes long. Most of the family has gotten visibly and vocally irritated at this point; I.e. rolling their eyes when she announces the slideshow is going to start, taking bets for how long they think it will be, making “shoot me now” gestures, or just simply saying “oh for gently caress sake this again?” And etc. Last year a couple family members just got up and left after she announced the slideshow. Sister-in-law seems to be either completely oblivious to how others feel or is just completely inconsiderate. I would like to think that she’s not the latter, but I feel like she needs to know that almost no one enjoys/wants to watch 30 minute videos of her children.
I feel like if I’m the only one that suggests shorter slideshows, or if I seem to be the only one that is irritated by them, then she’s not going to consider changing them.
WIBTA if I told her that no one wants to watch 30 minute slideshows of her children?
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Dec 18, 2019 18:35
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- spacetoaster
- Feb 10, 2014
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AITA for celebrating my son losing his TaeKwonDo match but not my daughter winning hers?
Yes, you're TA.
Do you know how much guts it takes for a kid to step into onto a mat, in front of a crowd, and fight? A lot. Even in defeat it's a huge accomplishment and should be treated as such.
All of my kids do some kind of combat sport (boxing, jiu jitsu, kickboxing) and I've got this quote hanging in their rooms: quote:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
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Dec 18, 2019 18:40
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- MarcusSA
- Sep 23, 2007
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Having had a family member deal with this in the past, there’s only two options:
1.) Tell the credit card company the charges were unauthorized. Credit company unleashes their fraud department, lawyers, and the police and doesn’t stop until there’s a court order in their favor. Grandma doesn’t pay a dime, but the family member goes to prison for fraud.
2.) Grandma pays the bill and that’s that.
There is no middle ground where the credit card company just writes off the money and lets the thief go on their merry way. If Grandma/family aren’t emotionally and mentally willing to have the sister dragged into court/jail because ~family~, there’s no other option except eating the $40k.
It reads like grandma wants to but the family is pressuring her not to do it.
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Dec 18, 2019 18:47
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- EIDE Van Hagar
- Dec 8, 2000
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Beep Boop
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i mean, beyond that not being physically possible, you have at. you'll just be punishing some random stranger for something someone said on the internet one time
at least i only fart on people actively physically hurting me
but watch out! my apparently psychotic butthole knows no bounds - I might aim it at the wrong person one day - and then what shall i do???? relationships broken, people murdered, blood spilled....i need to consider this seriously.
be careful you do not anger the butthole
Actually no one is being punished because the ability to lean back comes with the purchase of the seat
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Dec 18, 2019 18:47
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- Sagebrush
- Feb 26, 2012
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. If Grandma/family aren’t emotionally and mentally willing to have the sister dragged into court/jail because ~family~, there’s no other option except eating the $40k.
A young presumably white lady isn't going to prison for five figures of credit card fraud. She'll have to pay it back with a penalty and she'll get probation and maybe a suspended jail sentence.
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Dec 18, 2019 19:08
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- henkman
- Oct 8, 2008
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A black belt in tae kwon do just means that his parents paid the belt testing fee and he showed up
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Dec 18, 2019 19:18
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- Bored
- Jul 26, 2007
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Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.
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(NY) If I am on a site that matches free sperm donors with women, should I / when and how should I ask her if we can paternity-test them with me getting results?
I hope this person's sperm has malformed tails so they are unable swim to an egg.
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Dec 18, 2019 19:35
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- UZR IS BULLSHIT
- Jan 25, 2004
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Me [23/F] and my boyfriend [23/M] just got into a huge fight. I'm afraid that I may have crossed a line.
quote: Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 7 and a half months and we've been happy together and able to make a relationship work, despite some of his issues. The big thing is that he's currently under probation after having spent some time in jail for a DUI. He has a history of DUI's and as a result of his latest one, his driver's license is revoked. He has random drug and alcohol tests and we don't see each other as much as we like since he lives a half hour from me and I only have so much time to drive across the city to see him and also drive him around wherever he needs to go.
Another big issue is that his mom attends a majority of the dates that we go on. One of our first dates was when we went to see a movie and his mom came with us. And after we became an official couple, his mom would come with us to dinner and camping trips and other dates. His mom is basically his chauffeur when I'm not driving him around and she insists on attending dates.
I've been growing more annoyed with his mom coming on most of our dates and I decided to put my foot down earlier today. The three of us have been planning on seeing the new Star Wars movie together, but I told my boyfriend that I don't want her to come. I told him that I want us to have some alone time, which upset him. He went on this tangent about how important his mom is and he said that him and his mom are a "package deal". I was pleading with him to just have one date without her, but he got upset and accused me of "driving a wedge" between him and his mom.
I kept telling him that it's nothing personal against his mom, but he was raising his voice and telling me to respect his mother. We started to gradually raise our voices and it reached a point where I snapped and said some things that I probably shouldn't have. I called him an alcoholic loser and I started to criticize for not having a license. I finished things by calling him a momma's boy and he responded by saying that he'd like to drive drunk solely so he could run me over and that was that. We were both crying and he left not long after.
Now I don't know what to do. I don't feel like I was being unreasonable with my wanting to go on a date without his mom, but I'm more focused on what was said during the fight. We both escalated to hurtful levels and and I'm afraid that this is the end of the relationship. Is there any way to fix this?
tldr: Boyfriend and I got into a big fight that may end the relationship.
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Dec 18, 2019 19:45
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Jun 12, 2024 18:47
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Dec 18, 2019 13:16
