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Josherino)
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thehandtruck posted:But other times we've learned that role wasn't healthy for us. Maybe we decided we don't want to be the Absorber of poo poo anymore and attempt to break out of that role into another. Other elements of that family system like the Prince/Princess/Giver of poo poo are usually not going to like that, and altercations arise. It sounds to me like you broke the rules and assumed a different role than the one you were assigned, and your sisters got mad. That... actually helps. Thank you. For my part, I handled things poorly. But, it helps to remember that I've made great strides in my own life and that I shouldn't feel so torn up about making a mistake around people that are easy to make mistakes around. Going back to my home and job and my schedule should help get me back to feeling normal. D1Sergo has issued a correction as of 01:40 on Dec 27, 2019 |
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Dec 27, 2019 01:30
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Sounds like it really is dumb Starbucks poo poo though. You were right.
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Dec 27, 2019 07:09
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Consummate Professional posted:a year ago today I was thinking a little too seriously about doing some really bad things because life was too much. life can get better also same
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Dec 27, 2019 07:27
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CODChimera posted:also same I remember the exact moment where I finally turned the corner on my recovery. MY WIFE and I were watching Claus over the holidays, and we got to the scene where he wanders off into the snow and disappears because he feels his wife calling him, and I excused myself and locked myself in the bathroom to cry, then came back out to hold her and cry a little more while repeating I want to live over and over. Jesus what a nightmare that year was.
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Dec 27, 2019 07:33
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I quit drinking in July. I was a fairly consistent heavy drinker before that so it's a positive change. I went out and got back into therapy and my therapist helped me overcome my stubborn resistance to taking medications and now I'm on antidepressants for the first time in my life. And after a few adjustments my anxiety and suicidal thoughts have subsided. I haven't gotten back to the gym and I haven't really dated since my last break-up, but I'm working up to it. For the first time since college I don't have self-destructive thoughts creeping around my head, and it's pretty great. I feel guilty that my problems have gotten so much better when a lot of my friends have to struggle so hard with theirs.
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Dec 27, 2019 08:15
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Zeroisanumber posted:I feel guilty that my problems have gotten so much better when a lot of my friends have to struggle so hard with theirs. OTOH, your friends are probably very happy for you.  You can always lend them a hand when they need it, or at the very least, be an inspirational example that it can get better. I still have a hard time believing that's a thing because I never get to see it, but believe me, it's there.
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Dec 27, 2019 16:57
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I got a letter from the public mental health center the day before Xmas Eve. They're having me come in for an evaluation meeting with them in mid January, which is a relief because I was worried I wouldn't hear from them until February at the earliest. I'm still a mess emotionally, and the last three months have been exhausting to say the least, but at least I have a date set for starting the process of getting into therapy. I stumbled across the ADHD at 34 thread in E/N and was pretty dumbstruck with how much of the experiences goons posted there clicked with my own experiences from early teens up to today, and while I'm wary of self diagnosing based on a few pages of a SA thread I'll definitely bring it up with the therapist once I get a chance. In any case I'm looking forward to getting back out of this ditch my brain drove me into because lol I've been spending so much time in bed these past weeks that my back is hurting. Here's hoping my therapist turns out to be a Marxist 
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Dec 27, 2019 17:14
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I really don't like the holiday season. It's just a web of obligations and stress and feeling like I don't belong anywhere. Also, I'm worried my brother has been mentally infected with amoral bullshit centrism. It's really frustrating.
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Dec 27, 2019 18:29
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bobtheconqueror posted:I really don't like the holiday season. It's just a web of obligations and stress and feeling like I don't belong anywhere. Its incredible to me how much misery society heaps on us during holidays because of its insane dedication to everything being a picture perfect family gathering. I mean yeah seasonal affective disorder is a thing but jfc the best thanksgiving or even holiday I ever had was just making the usual feast with my wife and then not doing poo poo for the next two days. e: except watch doggo, I am always down for doggo. the pug gets robbed every year 
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Dec 27, 2019 19:04
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Chokes McGee posted:It’s incredible to me how much misery society heaps on us during holidays because of its insane dedication to everything being a picture perfect family gathering. I like reading CaptainAwkward for ways to deal with stressful relationships.
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Dec 27, 2019 19:09
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wishing my fellow mental health goons a period of rest and relaxation beyond family and life obligations this holiday week. I for one am looking forward to the resumption of my routines.
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Dec 27, 2019 19:58
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PsychedelicWarlord posted:wishing my fellow mental health goons a period of rest and relaxation beyond family and life obligations this holiday week. I for one am looking forward to the resumption of my routines. Thanks and (bolded) dear God yes
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Dec 27, 2019 20:01
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PsychedelicWarlord posted:I for one am looking forward to the resumption of my routines. empty guote this until Thanksgiving. Or Mother's Day, whatever your flavor.
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Dec 27, 2019 20:07
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PsychedelicWarlord posted:I for one am looking forward to the resumption of my routines. My family seems to be under the impression that the fact I was voluntold to work a couple days over my company's 2 week holiday is a bad thing. Really I'm finding it to be a relaxing break from them.
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Dec 27, 2019 20:22
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PsychedelicWarlord posted:wishing my fellow mental health goons a period of rest and relaxation beyond family and life obligations this holiday week. Thanks! Right back at ya! quote:I for one am looking forward to the resumption of my routines.  I love my family and friends very much but I'm starting to get restless. Just a few more days and I can focus on work again!
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Dec 27, 2019 22:10
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I know this is a super petty and dumb issue, but I really need to stop obsessively reading threads that are unpleasant and exhausting most of the time. The good (a thread about halfway decent internet critics) does not seem to outweigh the bad (the people who post about internet critics). I just want to discover new and interesting youtubers and not read pages and pages of insufferable nonsense.
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Dec 27, 2019 23:47
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cool dance moves posted:Thanks! Right back at ya! Yup...I think many in this thread, certainly myself, are creatures of habit. Not necessarily a bad thing as long as the habits are adaptive and not maladaptive. But drat I am looking forward to my nice and orderly daily routine
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Dec 27, 2019 23:50
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Kind of an uncomfortable topic but I feel like I need to say it aloud. Over the past few months, while my situation with working all the time and being essentially isolated while searching for a therapist hasn't changed, the political winds have me seriously wondering if, should things go badly in November, I wouldn't just decide to end things there for myself. Like its odd to think this way, since I really do want to live but I'm not sure I have what would be required to hold together in a worst case scenario this year. I've been working with the online therapist a little but I honestly feel like its starting to leak into every day thoughts that this might already be my last year. I can't think that having that weighing on my mind is in any way helping my quest to be more social or find a boyfriend either. Its a less immediate feeling that when I dealt with the worst of my depression, but its more ominous. Currently planning to try and be around people at that time next year, but it may not work out.
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Dec 28, 2019 01:04
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Okan170 posted:Kind of an uncomfortable topic but I feel like I need to say it aloud. Over the past few months, while my situation with working all the time and being essentially isolated while searching for a therapist hasn't changed, the political winds have me seriously wondering if, should things go badly in November, I wouldn't just decide to end things there for myself. Like its odd to think this way, since I really do want to live but I'm not sure I have what would be required to hold together in a worst case scenario this year. I've been working with the online therapist a little but I honestly feel like its starting to leak into every day thoughts that this might already be my last year. I can't think that having that weighing on my mind is in any way helping my quest to be more social or find a boyfriend either. Its a less immediate feeling that when I dealt with the worst of my depression, but its more ominous. Currently planning to try and be around people at that time next year, but it may not work out. Felt. First suicide scare was election night 2016, and I was lucky enough my wife talked me down or that wouldve been it right there. The other one was a slow burn that turned into an unstoppable train but its easy to forget sometimes what couldve happened without her. I dont know what else to say except dont give those assholes the satisfaction of claiming your life. Persisting, even in the face of overwhelming odds, is in and of itself meaningful. I know it gets said over and over and over but if youre despairing then help MAKE it happen. Volunteer, or just kick in a couple of bucks here and there. Hopefully, this election cycle has taught us little bits combined across a ton of determined people creates a juggernaut. bernie gonna win 
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Dec 28, 2019 02:19
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Try to keep some perspective on 2020 too. Elections come and go, and they often go very strangely at that, especially in other countries. Most people not only survive but stay pretty distant from the effects. That was mostly true of 2016 already. We tend to focus far too much on elections due to their big public spectacle. But I'd hope by now you understand that the system that let Trump win deserves far more scrutiny and work than Trump himself does. Stop thinking about 2020, because no matter who wins, we still will have that system. We still will need to make sure everyone understands in how many ways its intended functions have ceased. The same system produced a long consecutive line of harmful presidents in recent memory, and in some ways what we have now is more like an empty chair, someone too insane to give coherent orders -- hardly the bulk of the harm is contained in that office. Only a symptom of the rot. Nothing to bet your life on. Remember your history -- in the time of the dust bowl, our same system had similarly done great harm. People in the 1930s were closer to rising up in communist revolution than at any other point in time. Leftists were gaining audiences faster than the government could assassinate them. A compromise was reluctantly offered by the frightened ruling class -- the new deal from FDR -- and the workers took the compromise, didn't revolt, and were placated for a time. Today we're back in crisis again and the compromise being offered this time is Bernie Sanders. Even if the ruling class ends up giving the office of the presidency to us and to him, it's still just a compromise to them (acknowledging an election result), intended by them to slow down the anger of the populace and tendency toward revolution. Every possible scenario after 2020 is still compromised. Bernie's just one man in one office, a social democrat whose policies stop well short of what is truly needed to stop the injustices of capitalism, seizure of wealth. He will likely be obstructed from day one by both parties using the precedent of impeachment that they've conveniently set up all year. It will all occur in the same system as always, after all. Either we seize that one seemingly important office for his movement or we don't, but remember that either way the fight continues pretty much the same. Don't even think of Nov 2020 as a big deal in terms of the future, it's just the loudest day for the political noise machine, just the day we find out if the billionaires take the current compromise that's on the table or else accelerate us having to get the pitchforks out. The office of the president is of limited importance in the grand scheme, even next to the office of Wells Fargo CEO. Stop putting so much stake in it and so much of your mental health on the line for what is essentially political theater designed to capture your attention and break you down, designed to distract us all from the predatory economy, to distract us from doing anything about our labor situation, to keep us fixated on news while it refuses to talk about any of those things or anything at all beside false promises that one bad guy out of millions might be ousted a few days early.
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Dec 28, 2019 05:01
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Chokes McGee posted:It’s incredible to me how much misery society heaps on us during holidays because of its insane dedication to everything being a picture perfect family gathering. Yeah my mom asked me if I had a turkey dinner despite being in a place that doesn't have turkeys and knowing I've always hated Christmas/traditions. My wife and I just did what we felt like doing for once, which was wonderful. No tree, no presents besides our trip.
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Dec 28, 2019 05:05
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GlassLotus posted:Congrats on the date at least! BENGHAZI 2 posted:Apparently my boss talked me up at some big regional meeting this week and now he thinks they want to promote me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NB5x-3mzRPk (accompaniment by Lorna McKinnon, surprisingly not credited officially) Zvahl posted:every few months a counseling center nearby drops flyers in the mail, and apparently at just the right length of time for me to forget about them enough to just look at the weather and say maybe I should try these people Chokes McGee posted:I did something like this once where I started kicking someone who dove for me. I connected with a 30 lb. kettlebell I kept by my bed for whatever stupid reason, and since I hit something solid, I briefly thought it was real and kept kicking it while screaming. Frog Act posted:the unspeakable cruelty of every aspect private sector work, from initial contact to unexpected termination, is just unbelievable. the idea of adversarial, lengthy, brain melting interviews is just so transparently absurd too I just cant understand how it could possibly make a positive contribution to office culture, morale, or unit coherence
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Dec 28, 2019 19:54
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All I want for Christmas is to not drink a handle a day. I've never experienced a hangover in my life which is very good or very very bad. I'm mentally ill and I take two dozen pills per day to handle it. I'm unemployed and functionally homeless. I have a law degree but when my bipolar bloomed about ten years ago I haven't been employed since. I've done a bunch of community organizing and charity work but it hasn't materially improved my situation. I'm living off my 401k with the assumption that I won't get to be old enough to use it. Also I have lupus.
OK Boomer has issued a correction as of 21:33 on Dec 28, 2019 |
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Dec 28, 2019 21:29
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Dumb Lowtax posted:Try to keep some perspective on 2020 too. Elections come and go, and they often go very strangely at that, especially in other countries. Most people not only survive but stay pretty distant from the effects. That was mostly true of 2016 already. Its really more that one choice commits to never changing and entrenching that system and its evils and one represents at least some desire to move away from the worst of the last few years. I've always been interested in pushing progressive policy, but its really wrecked me the last few years to see so many of the small gains of the last few decades turned to dust so easily. I've always known this is what we were as a country, I've read enough US history to know that this is hardly unusual, but the determination to stamp it all down and reforge it into a machine to glorify one man in so short a time is something I can't really let go- not really looking forward to trying to work to rebuild things my grandfather's generation instituted. I'm trying though, just hoping I manage to scrounge together some social support for whatever goes down. Its just work, news and sleep now. Even the other hobbies I once had were taken over by poisonous bullcrap in the last few years, since being a dicklord is apparently all the rage with anyone and everyone more than ever.
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Dec 29, 2019 00:23
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Okan170 posted:Its really more that one choice commits to never changing and entrenching that system and its evils and one represents at least some desire to move away from the worst of the last few years. I've always been interested in pushing progressive policy, but its really wrecked me the last few years to see so many of the small gains of the last few decades turned to dust so easily. I've always known this is what we were as a country, I've read enough US history to know that this is hardly unusual, but the determination to stamp it all down and reforge it into a machine to glorify one man in so short a time is something I can't really let go- not really looking forward to trying to work to rebuild things my grandfather's generation instituted. I'm trying though, just hoping I manage to scrounge together some social support for whatever goes down. Its just work, news and sleep now. Even the other hobbies I once had were taken over by poisonous bullcrap in the last few years, since being a dicklord is apparently all the rage with anyone and everyone more than ever. I do think how much was lost does conclusively demonstrate how loving stupid incrementalism is, so, ya know, silver lining. 
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Dec 29, 2019 02:09
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bobtheconqueror posted:I do think how much was lost does conclusively demonstrate how loving stupid incrementalism is, so, ya know, silver lining. Since I consider radical change even more unlikely, this may be a big part of why I don't really have much hope for anything anymore. Thus I don't really want to be around to live through the long slow blackslide. Let alone any sort of pitchforks-out revolution, I think thats the stuff where I'm just done- I don't have it in me anymore. At least I feel I've contributed a good amount to the world overall, so it makes the idea of not being around a little easier to deal with. Okan170 has issued a correction as of 02:21 on Dec 29, 2019 |
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Dec 29, 2019 02:16
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OK Boomer posted:All I want for Christmas is to not drink a handle a day. I've never experienced a hangover in my life which is very good or very very bad. I'm mentally ill and I take two dozen pills per day to handle it. I'm unemployed and functionally homeless. I have a law degree but when my bipolar bloomed about ten years ago I haven't been employed since. I've done a bunch of community organizing and charity work but it hasn't materially improved my situation. I'm living off my 401k with the assumption that I won't get to be old enough to use it. Also I have lupus. what do you want to do tomorrow that you didnt do today? not drink? I'd suggest not going cold turkey based on your use and medication, but that's doable as hell, friend. you can do a lot of good in the world with a law degree and a person can do a lot of good in the world regardless of education
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Dec 29, 2019 02:35
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Here's my new story about good anxiety My jobs irritating me. I make a post on Facebook Friday night saying hey if anyone has a lead hit me up I need out. A friend dms me five minutes later quote:Got a valid drivers license? Can you pass a drug test? Can you lift 50lbs and push 300lbs on wheels? He works for a uniform delivery company here in town and he's going to try to get me in. I already applied and he let his boss know. The best part? Union job.
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Dec 29, 2019 13:34
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BENGHAZI 2 posted:Here's my new story about good anxiety Oh hell yes! Way to go! Make sure you buy that friend a beer or something, that sounds like a solid job
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Dec 29, 2019 13:49
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cool dance moves posted:Oh hell yes! Way to go! Make sure you buy that friend a beer or something, that sounds like a solid job I've told him I owe him big,I'm probably going to hook him up with something MtG if this works out because we both play and it's how we met
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Dec 29, 2019 13:54
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BENGHAZI 2 posted:Here's my new story about good anxiety hell yeah!
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Dec 29, 2019 16:02
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GWBBQ posted:You are 99+% OK thanks to using proper PPE, but they may want to give you antivirials and PEP to be on the safe side. They didn't end up doing anything preventative for HIV due to the fact that even if it had gotten directly into my eye and if the person had it the likelihood of infection would still be really low. But they did give me hep B immunoglobulin and are doing a ton of titers over the next few months for hep B, hep C, and HIV and all of those have come back negative so far. To be honest I was only wearing prescription glasses, not safety glasses or anything because my lab is relatively lax about that considering the only dangerous thing we really directly handle is blood. And the safety glasses my lab provides don't fit over my glasses and aren't much bigger. It's stupid and I should have pushed harder on getting ones that work with my glasses. I did just get some chemical splash goggles though which fit and I've been wearing.
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Dec 29, 2019 18:51
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Okan170 posted:Since I consider radical change even more unlikely, this may be a big part of why I don't really have much hope for anything anymore. Thus I don't really want to be around to live through the long slow blackslide. Let alone any sort of pitchforks-out revolution, I think thats the stuff where I'm just done- I don't have it in me anymore. At least I feel I've contributed a good amount to the world overall, so it makes the idea of not being around a little easier to deal with. Well, all I can ask is that you live according to your own ideals. I firmly believe the only meaning in the universe is what we create, which I personally find empowering. We create the only meaning and purpose that can be shown to exist. Even if existence itself proves illusory, it doesn't actually matter. We exist and perceive in whatever reality is, and that gives us all validity and value within that reality, and those incompetent rat fucks that think only their perspective or power matters should be shouted down as ignorant and foolish. And for me, I guess I just think we shouldn't let them win. We shouldn't let them die off thinking "how could we have known?" when the data was staring them in the face and the rest of us were yelling at them the whole time. It only takes the moral fortitude of a child to understand that other people matter and lying is wrong, and I'll always find some will to live in just reminding them how much smarter a four year old is than they are. Even if I stop enjoying hedonistic pursuits like learning and music, or somehow lose hope in humanity's survival, I'll always have that lil' ember of spite that just wants to tell them to gently caress off until they have to go to the trouble of killing me themselves.
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Dec 29, 2019 18:56
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Okan170 posted:Since I consider radical change even more unlikely, this may be a big part of why I don't really have much hope for anything anymore. Thus I don't really want to be around to live through the long slow blackslide. Let alone any sort of pitchforks-out revolution, I think thats the stuff where I'm just done- I don't have it in me anymore. At least I feel I've contributed a good amount to the world overall, so it makes the idea of not being around a little easier to deal with. Radical change is more likely than not, in a long enough timeframe. Nothing lasts forever and catastrophic global events tend to be followed by pretty significant changes in society. It will unfortunately probably not happen in time to stop a massive climate / refugee crisis, but it's important to remember that that's not some binary on/off switch; everything we do to make things a little better than they otherwise would be is still meaningful.
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Dec 29, 2019 19:23
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feeling like a failure because you personally didn't start the revolution is just liberalism trying to get you through the back door; it's an insidious form of individualism obscuring the fact that liberation has to be a collective effort and that's okay "Men make their own history, but they do not make it as they please; they do not make it under self-selected circumstances, but under circumstances existing already, given and transmitted from the past."
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Dec 29, 2019 19:26
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Tuxedo Catfish posted:"Men make their own history, but they do not make it as they please; they do not make it under self-selected circumstances, but under circumstances existing already, given and transmitted from the past." Looked up the quote, and now I'm like aw poo poo I'm definitely a Marxist. I've been trying to get people to understand that for years, and this douchebag just puts it succinctly in one sentence.
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Dec 29, 2019 19:40
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For anyone else who has anxiety and sleep problems, my new sleep doctor recommended me the CBT-i Coach app for relaxation and it's a good, free app developed by the VA National Center for PTSD, Stanford University Medical Center, and the DoD National Center for Telehealth and Technology. He sent out for an in-home sleep study for sleep quality and sleep apnea, and his preliminary diagnosis is that my sleep quality is poor and that I need to force myself to get less sleep 15 minutes at a time because more, low-quality sleep with a lot less time spent in Delta and REM phases is worse. Just got accepted into a psychiatric practice and need to call tomorrow to schedule an appointment. cool dance moves posted:Oh hell yes! Way to go! Make sure you buy that friend a beer or something, that sounds like a solid job  GlassLotus posted:They didn't end up doing anything preventative for HIV due to the fact that even if it had gotten directly into my eye and if the person had it the likelihood of infection would still be really low. But they did give me hep B immunoglobulin and are doing a ton of titers over the next few months for hep B, hep C, and HIV and all of those have come back negative so far. Okan170 posted:Since I consider radical change even more unlikely, this may be a big part of why I don't really have much hope for anything anymore. Thus I don't really want to be around to live through the long slow blackslide. Let alone any sort of pitchforks-out revolution, I think thats the stuff where I'm just done- I don't have it in me anymore. At least I feel I've contributed a good amount to the world overall, so it makes the idea of not being around a little easier to deal with.
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Dec 29, 2019 22:17
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GWBBQ posted:For anyone else who has anxiety and sleep problems, my new sleep doctor recommended me the CBT-i Coach app for relaxation and it's a good, free app developed by the VA National Center for PTSD, Stanford University Medical Center, and the DoD National Center for Telehealth and Technology. hell yah. I just grabbed it and will put it in the op if it looks good.
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Dec 29, 2019 22:27
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ive been having what feels like a continuous series of panic attacks for about three hours now and im really excited to find out if it's gonna go on for another 12 like it used to
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Dec 30, 2019 02:30
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turn off the TV posted:ive been having what feels like a continuous series of panic attacks for about three hours now and im really excited to find out if it's gonna go on for another 12 like it used to hold ice in one hand, switch when it gets unbearable seriously, it helps
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Dec 30, 2019 02:49
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