Ghost Leviathan posted:

Most newspaper comics have apparently either been phoning it in for decades given their target audience is senile, or have gone completely off the rails.

CannonFodder posted:

Newspaper Spider-Man was bonkers all the way to the end of the run.

Heathcliff has gone full dada.

Sluggo is lit.

mortadella posted:

gently caress a bunch of walnuts in brownies, peanuts in chocolate, nuts in fudge.

assholes! gross.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Robobot posted:

I will fight and die on the walnuts belong in brownies hill. I also feel chocolate chips should be added as well.

You know, I think most of the hills I’d die on involve dessert.

freeedr posted:

I think we all knew desserts would contribute to your demise

quote:

walnuts in brownies, peanuts in chocolate, nuts in fudge

Hihohe posted:

my mom puts fuckin walnuts in like chicken salad and i hate it.

RFC2324 posted:

I too hate it when your mom puts her nuts in my food

RFC2324 posted:

I too hate it when your mom puts her nuts in my food

RFC2324 posted:

I too hate it when your mom puts her nuts in my food

freeedr posted:

I think we all knew desserts would contribute to your demise

Cartoon Man posted:

https://i.imgur.com/2OJ6WS3.gifv

My love for you will stop this horse!!!

Velocity Raptor posted:

Poor aunt. Thought she could stop Freckles and died.

HenryJLittlefinger posted:

Elk meat’s good though

a sexual elk posted:

Sup

Outrail posted:

Cathy ends with heroin addiction and the more sordid kind of prostitution.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

It's impossible to tell if that's even real, all I know about that comic is ACK! ACK! ACK! Also maybe one possible parody strip where Kathy's become a bitter mom.

Frank Frank posted:

Facebook keeps trying to get me to buy this:

Mozi posted:

$4k is a lot to get some head but i guess his ballhandling abilities make it worthwhile

paddyboat posted:

the sex ghost posted:

Lot of big names in that side

Farg posted:

there was an entire discord made to give hyphz normal people to talk about ttrpgs with and to play games with so he could see that it is possible to play an rpg and it ended with hyphz getting banned from the discord made for him

FFXIV Porn posted:

you know how people talk about stuff that looks more complex than it is and say it's a mile wide but an inch deep?

diablo 3 is an inch wide and an inch deep. loving poo poo game.

American McGay posted:

We get it, Diablo 3 reminds you of your penis.

Brawnfire posted:

Blackadder: Fine, I'll bite. And what is the "bento lunch"?

Baldrick: well, first off, it can't be pinku--

George: that's Japanese, for pink!

Baldrick: --or any girl color.

Blackadder: naturally, don't want anyone to think we're pansies as we eat our BENto LUNCH in the trenches.

George: Pfsh, too right! We'd look like silly buggers!

Blackadder: ...right. So, in this thoroughly masculine bento lunch box, am I to understand this is a delightful ball of rice in the shape of a cartoon character?

Baldrick: Ah, well, there's the clever bit. So we hadn't had any rice left--

Blackadder: A roaring start for our Japanese luncheon...

Baldrick: --but just my luck, the fish came with a healthy crop of maggots. Steamed, you can't tell the difference.

Blackadder: The motion seems to set them apart from most rice--you didn't think to steam them until they were dead?

Baldrick: Didn't want to destroy their nutritional value, sir.

George: White rice has so little nutrients as it is!

Blackadder: Of course. Well, at the very least it appears the fish eggs made it through looking decent.

Baldrick: Ah, the salmon roe, I'm particularly proud of that.

Blackadder: it certainly is a textural delight, even you couldn't ruin a good roe, Baldrick. You'd have to inseminate a fish to do that.

Baldrick: Ah you'd think that sir, and that's the really clever bit--

Blackadder: ...these are maggots again, aren't they, Baldrick.

Baldrick: *nods* Dyed orange.

barbecue at the folks posted:

Boddicker posted:

I don't know about the rest of you, but for me "dropping the kids off at the pool" is something that really breaks up my day, and I take pleasure in the solitude of the stall as it provides a short respite from the frantic office I work in. Doing my business is something, even, that I look forward to. To prepare I usually look for a couple of good articles on CNN.com or ESPN.com and print them out for good reading material, or in the case of an emergency, for good wiping material. I try to be mindful about everything I do, and this is no different. I also carry a small container of hand sanitizer with me to do my business. Cleanliness is next to Godliness, after all.

So, yesterday I had gone through my rituals leading up to the big moment. News stories and sanitizer bottle in hand, the knowledge of coming satisfaction in my mind, I walk from my office the exact twenty-one paces required to reach the loo.

The bathrooms at my work are very small. Some of them don't even have two stalls, which is wierd for a big office building, but I digress, the restroom I use has two stalls, side by side.

I open the stall door directly opposite the entranceway and balance my papers on the toilet paper holder thingy. The next thing I do is check the bowl for pee stains. I hate to use a bowl that has my own urine stained on it, the result of poor aim or drunkeness or whatever, so I remove and wad up some toilet paper from the toilet paper holder thingy, squirt some hand sanitizer in it, and wipe the rim and seat of the bowl down, flushing down the resulting refuse. I then remove one of those sani-covers from the container on the wall above my throne, and carefully tear the middle tongue part away from the main piece. I cautiously lay the seat cover across the seat, making sure to rest it on any part that my butt may come into contact with. Content for the moment, I unzip, drop trow and make myself comfortable.

Ahhhhhh... cool plastic covered by a thin layer of clean, crisp paper. I start to read my articles. The restroom door opens. In walks a man. I can't see the man from inside my stall, but I can hear him. He is heavy. He grunts and breathes when he moves. He opens the door to the stall next to me. Son of a bitch. Listen, if you walk into a bathroom and there are two stalls and one of them is in use, turn around and walk back out again and come back ten minutes later. Unless you are having a major problem that must be handled right away, there is no reason for you to disrupt someone else's moment of zen. Besides, I don't understand why anyone would want to be within three feet of another human being, side by side, while taking a poo poo.

The man takes out a sani-cover and covers his seat. He grunts. He unzips. He grunts and breathes. He sits down. I hear the paper tear under his weight. He farts. Just loving great. I consider saying, 'hey man, what the gently caress? You couldn't have waited? You have some meeting you're here for and you just couldn't wait to take a poo poo?" Whatever. I sit, quietly. I wait. I can't start till he finishes, and leaves.

He pees sitting down. Even though sometimes I do this too, I think it's gay because someone told me it is. I'm easily impressionable. I don't want to read my articles because that would take away from the experience. I wait. I hear him moving around. His breathing is labored. There's a plopping sound from his bowl. It makes me happy because it means soon he'll be finished. Then I hear something I absolutely don't want to hear. I hear his fat, stubby fingers pressing down on the keys of his phone, or blackberry. He is texting someone. Son of a bitch. He breathes heavily, in and out. It's been five minutes. He is texting.

I've been waiting for five minutes, looking at the stall walls, staring at the floor, reading the same stall graffiti over and over and over again. Wondering who wrote the words "penis fucker" on the common wall that I share with this tubby bastard to my right, and if they knew I would be here reading it, appreciating it in this moment, thinking it appropriate. He continues texting. He is writing a loving novel. MOTHER FUCKER WON'T STOP TEXTING. It's been ten minutes.

I give up. I loving give up. I stand up with a heavy, pissed off sigh. Pull up my trousers, gather the articles that I have by now read and flush the sani-cover down the toilet. What a waste. I'm pissed. I leave the stall, papers in hand. I try to spy through the crack between his stall door and wall, try to get a glimpse of this troll who has ruined the one serene moment I get per working day. I can see he's got a horseshoe shaped patch of dark hair surrounding his bald cap. I imagine he looks like a used copier and printer toner cartridge salesman, like Jon Polito in "The Man Who Wasn't There". His crumpled slack pants and dull brown leather shoes show he sports a Mervyn's wardrobe. gently caress him. I hate him.

I leave. I go upstairs to the bathroom directly above the one I was just in. I sit in the stall directly above his, and pretend I'm crapping on his head. I leave. I walk back downstairs. As I reach the bathroom the door opens and he walks out. He nearly walks into me. "Excuse me," he says.

"You have something on your head," I respond. Motherfucker...

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Ghost Leviathan posted:

I'm still rather amazed anyone thinks 'public toilet etiquette' is a thing. Just be glad they aren't literally making GBS threads on the floor or obviously masturbating.

EorayMel posted:

Jack-Off Lantern posted:

the wall orgasm.

precision posted:

i'm sorry what

Ghost Leviathan posted:

It's impossible to tell if that's even real, all I know about that comic is ACK! ACK! ACK! Also maybe one possible parody strip where Kathy's become a bitter mom.

EorayMel posted:

Way to get sassy in PMs over the gassing of a horrible thread about taking a dump.

Though I have to say being called "your gayness" was really the highlight of my day...

Memento posted:

Hey apropos of nothing but did you have a goatse qr code avatar for a bit? I scanned it expecting some gag but to be greeted by the distended anus of destiny was a good bit.

whypick1 posted:

The answer is actually in my current avatar (not a joke, it's plaintext).

Original avatar made fun of you for wasting time scanning some random QR code, someone changed it to a link to Goatse and it took me some time to notice the my avatar was more pixelated than I remembered it being, so I scanned it and followed the link...d'oh

Antivehicular posted:

I always wondered what kind of weirdo uses those toilet-seat covers, and it turns out it's the same kind of weirdo who gets really upset that someone else has to poo poo during his Sacred poo poo Time. Not a huge surprise, in retrospect.

Printing out online news articles to read during your Sacred poo poo Time is some next-level nonsense, though. Does homeboy not have a phone?

the pooping thread posted:

EDIT EDIT: But not one specific person, because I don't want to be considered mod sassing.

barbecue at the folks posted:

ultrafilter posted:

The avaatar in question:

ultrafilter posted:

The avaatar in question:

HiroProtagonist posted:

Lmao

HiroProtagonist posted:

Lmao

Ur Getting Fatter posted:

I didn't know you could have an NFT as an avatar.