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May 31, 2024 00:47
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- Mellow Seas
- Oct 9, 2012
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Can't post for 10 years!
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AITA for not letting my sister and nephew into my car?
Park rangers don't gently caress around with people taking poo poo out of the parks. NTA.
Mellow Seas fucked around with this message at 20:00 on Mar 22, 2022
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Mar 22, 2022 19:55
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- Invisible Clergy
- Sep 25, 2015
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"Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces"
Malachi 2:3
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AITA for telling my friend that laziness is what makes her unattractive?
When you fish for compliments, sometimes you get a boot.
Are grandparents rights ever threatened by a grandparent that isn't actually using it as a weird power-act against the very mother and child they quite pointedly despise?
No.
In most states (any state that has GPR except New York, I think) GPR only really kick in if the grandparents child is dead. As long as their kid is alive and saying they don’t want the grandparents around their kid that’s the end. So you’re right that’s usually how it’s threatened but it’s almost always toothless.
There is at least one exception to this where GPR can be weaponized against living, non-neglectful parents that comes up in the estranged parents forums a bunch in one of the flyover states; I believe it's Ohio, but i don't want to check because those boards are depressing and very repetitive.
Does anyone remember an old legaladvice post about someone putting in tonnes of effort to be declared stateless against the advice of literally everyone he interacted with then for it to blow up in his face pretty much instantly?
That sounds hilarious. I think I remember this post but am having trouble finding it. Can you remember any other details from it?
The fact she didn't just drive away when this happened shows she has either the patience of a saint or this is such normalized bhaviour she doesn't even register it.
Could also be the car is already dented and hosed up but that still doesn't make it right.
The fact she associates with these people at all means she's got some doormat tendencies, even if she did make the brat throw away a rock.
AITA for canceling a family trip and getting angry now that they're going to a resort without me?
quote:My family and I (30F) have been planning a trip to Disneyland/Knott's Berry Farm since last year. I'm the one that has put in all the work researching where to go, what to do, hotels, flights, etc. Suddenly, a few weeks ago, my car gave out. I needed to buy a new one. With a heavy heart I told everyone that the trip was cancelled. My brother made a quick remark about paying for my flight but I didn't think much of it. I brushed him off thinking he wasn't that serious.
I told them if they wanted to go elsewhere without me that was fine with me. They decided on a resort. Which I was okay with at the time. I don't like resorts or tropical weather. However it became a back and forth thing over the next several days. They kept changing it amongst themselves trying to decide on whether or not they actually wanted to go to a resort or elsewhere because they wanted me to come with them as it was supposed to be a Family Trip.
I suggested something inexpensive. I made several suggestions for places I could afford to go to. None of them seemed interested in those places and defaulted back to the resort. Again I was sad as I'd gotten my hopes up. Then suddenly I realized perhaps I could still go to Disneyland after all. Instead of going to BOTH Knott's Berry Farm as well as Disneyland I could just do one theme park. I told my family this and they seemed to like it, but my brother didn't. He wanted a long vacation not a short one. I said that we could still stay in the LA area as part of the trip but he still said no.
A day later it came to my attention my brother had decided to spontaneously pay for all of my family's flights to the resort. I was absolutely gutted. This felt like a deliberate back stab. I talked to him about it. He seemed angry. Telling me it was my fault for not taking him up on his offer the first time he made it. First of all I didn't think he was serious because when I turned him down he didn't press the issue. Second, I told him that I didn't want to be the ONLY ONE who needed financial help on our trip! Paying for one person because they need it is vastly different from paying for everyone simply as a random gift. He got even more angry saying that it was my fault for having financial trouble in the first place. Because when my car died he offered his old Ford (215000 miles) to me for a very low price. I had rejected this offer. Wanting a car with lower milage to last me longer.
I have been unable to speak to him after this. I feel betrayed by my entire family. I was willing to stretch myself to still go Disneyland but now everybody wants to go to the resort. My brother refuses to change plans again. He says I can come with them to the resort or stay home.
I've been standoffish to them for days. AITA for getting angry at my family for going on a trip after rejecting my brother's offer for financial help?
Edit: I'm the rear end in a top hat for not accepting help, okay fine. I mean he makes way more money than me and it feels like he's lording it over me but fine. I'm the rear end in a top hat. But when I specifically asked if we can still do the trip down for Disneyland he refused. The rest of the family was for it and wanted to go. But they chose the resort because he wouldn't let them change plans again. Am I still an rear end in a top hat for that?
Edit: I realize I didn't make it clear, but I was never going to go to the resort. Before and after I found out my bro was paying for flights. I hate tropical weather and being pampered. I wasn't going to go either way. Everyone saying that I should shut up and go -- I'm not spending hundreds of dollars to go a place I do not like. Going to the resort was literally never on the table for me. That's why I was upset when I learned he was paying for flights to the resort for everyone. He wasn't offering to pay for everyone's flights to Disneyland before, just the resort. And he didn't offer to pay for everyone until AFTER he'd learned I wasn't going because I didn't like resorts.
Edit: I've already accepted my judgement as primary A-hole, thanks for hammering it in. But everyone is deliberately avoiding my question about whether my bro is one too. He literally bullied the rest of the family into going to the resort because he knew I didn't want to go. Despite the fact that they all wanted to go to back to plan A (Disneyland) when I asked. My sister told me he "put he foot down" and basically said he made the decision for them. None of them wanted to object because he was "being a dick."
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Mar 22, 2022 20:26
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- ghost emoji
- Mar 11, 2016
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oooOooOOOooh
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AITA for inviting my mom to see my week old son (self.AmItheAsshole)
quote:Hi I am M34. My wife (F30) recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He is the first kid in many years in my family and everyone was really excited about his birth, especially my mother. She wanted to be there in the delivery room with us but my wife said no so I respected her wishes. I said she can meet him when we get home and my wife agreed.
Well there were some complications in the birth and my wife was clearly exhausted. In her exhaustion she told me that maybe my mother waiting at the house isn't a good idea and can I ask her to come after couple of weeks. I was shocked and hurt. My mother loves my wife and here my wife was trying to intentionally hurt my mother. But seeing her in pain I couldn't say no and called my mother. She was very upset.
Well a week goes by without any events. I asked my wife again and again when can my mom come but she told me to wait. Yesterday my wife went to a doctor's appointment and I was in-charge of taking care of my son. Suddenly I got an idea and called my mother who lives nearby. She came and met my son. The happiness that I saw on her face was amazing. It was an emotional moment for me when she held him for the first time.
Well she was just getting ready to leave but then my wife arrived. She got very angry very fast. She didn't say anything to my mother but I could see in her face that there was some rant coming. My mother left and my wife exploded. I have never seen her this angry. She told me if she didn't even invite her own mother then I should've understand that there was a reason. She was especially upset about me doing this behind her back.
I said I am sorry multiple times but she is still angry. I slept in the guest room yesterday. I don't think I did anything a good son wouldn't do but I do feel bad about hurting my wife.
AITA?
OP has commented a few times:
[–]husbandtroubles9889[S] [score hidden] 56 minutes ago
That's what I have been saying. These people don't respect fathers here.
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Mar 22, 2022 20:32
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- hawowanlawow
- Jul 27, 2009
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AITA for canceling a family trip and getting angry now that they're going to a resort without me?
OP is an energy vampire
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Mar 22, 2022 20:33
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- endlessmonotony
- Nov 4, 2009
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by Fritz the Horse
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MIL just called my kid the K slur (Jewish). Boyfriend insists she said 'tyke'. I know what I heard.
UPDATE: MIL just called my kid the K slur (Jewish). Boyfriend insists she said 'tyke'. I know what I heard.
I feel like this line from OP in the comments is killer:
"Neither the warmth nor the depth" is a common response in Britain.
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Mar 22, 2022 20:34
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- Invisible Clergy
- Sep 25, 2015
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"Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces"
Malachi 2:3
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Amazingly close to a bingo from this single unnecessarily long post (bolded tl;dr at the end):
AITA for expecting my wealthy parents to help me financially with cancer treatment, even though I’m not very close with them and didn’t tell them my diagnosis immediately?
quote:I (25F) was diagnosed with a treatable cancer back in September. I had just finished 6 months of recovering from notoriously painful surgeries on both of my feet, and I was so excited to be done with all the doctors appointments and physical therapy. A month after getting off crutches, I found out I had cancer.
I’m a bit estranged from my family. We live in different states, and I don’t feel respected or loved by them most of the time. I still call on holidays and birthdays, I still went home every year before covid, but it’s a difficult relationship and I keep my distance out of self preservation. For three years I have been asking to go to therapy with them to work on our relationships, but they are not interested in doing that. I want a better relationship with them, but I’m not going to tolerate being treated poorly. They are quite wealthy, and I know it’s an extreme privilege to grow up in a family with financial means. I have asked for financial help twice in my adult life, both times for about $500, and I paid it back to them. Those times I asked for money, I was 18/19 years old and just needed a little help with rent, and paid them back as soon as possible. I’d estimate them to be in the top 3%-5% of wealth, and they don’t live in an expensive city.
I didn’t tell them about the cancer right away because of these reasons:
They were about to go on a family trip to Europe, taking my siblings and their partners along. I was not invited. The reason being “they didn’t think I would be interested”. This trip was going to happen during one of my scheduled cancer surgeries, and I was worried if they decided to cancel their trip, that I would have it held over my head for eternity that they didn’t get to go enjoy Europe.
My mother came down for a week during my feet surgeries, I was planning on friends helping, but she kinda wedged herself into my recovery. It was horrible. I knew I would not be able to walk for the first week and would need a lot of help. My mother was well aware of this and promised she would take care of me. My mom complained constantly and would guilt trip me when I’d ask for help. Complained about having to go to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. Complained when I asked for her to bring food (I had even meal prepped so all she had to do was bring a box from the fridge to me). She has body issues, and was trying to get me to lose weight by fasting, which I am not interested in, nor would any doctor recommend I lose weight . She said there is no reason I should even be eating the week after surgery, because all I’m doing is laying in bed. Because of this, she would usually only bring me one meal a day. I had to take a lot of pain meds and needed to eat them with food or else I’d get nauseous. So I was nauseous most of the time. Another thing that I’m still trying to understand was that my mom kept taking my wheelchair out of my room, and keeping it in the living room, so every time I needed to use the bathroom, I would have to ask her to bring back my wheelchair. She’d then complain about that. I begged her to leave the drat wheelchair in my room, and almost every time I took a nap, I’d wake up and it would be gone again. One day she left my apartment for 6-7 hours without saying anything, and left the wheelchair in the living room. I had a loving breakdown because I needed to pee so badly, and had to make the decision of either pissing the bed I’m supposed to be resting in for the next week, or attempting to painfully crawl/hobble on my broken feet to the bathroom. (I chose pain, made it to the toilet, and sat there for over an hour crying because I no longer had a full bladder to motivate me to endure the horrible pain of walking back to my bed. ) I did not trust that they would be a supportive part of my cancer recovery.
I feel like most of the conversations I have with my family end up being very emotionally draining and hurtful. I was scared to tell them, I had no idea how they would react, and I didn’t trust that it would be a kind, loving, or supportive conversation. I had so much on my plate and I didn’t think I could handle it.
I was planning on calling both of my parents to let them know I had cancer after they got back from their long euro family vacation. I ended up only making it through the call with my mom and not having the energy to call my dad before I knew she would tell him herself that day. She was upset I didn’t tell her sooner, and made the conversation mostly about herself. When she finally got around to asking if there was anything she could do to help, I shared the ways I needed support. The biggest was financial, I said it would be a huge help if they wanted to send some groceries or help with rent or some of the many medical bills, because I was still sick and not able to work just yet. She wasn’t interested in that, and said something along the lines of “I needed to do my part and get a job to help the economy”. (We live in the USA) I felt like she didn’t believe that I was sick, and I kept explaining how terrible I felt, how hard it was to just have the energy to take a shower. She kept saying she wanted to come and see me, and I had to make it clear that in order to do that, she would need to get the covid vaccine because of how immunocompromised I am. That made her upset and she then turned the conversation into being about her vaccine theories, about how she has a great immune system, and I had enough. I ended the call and felt so defeated, and unsupported.
Over the next few months she would call me and ask how I was doing, and how she could help. I was not doing great, and kept saying that the biggest way to help would be to help alleviate some of the financial stress. She’d then go off about how I needed a job, and basically give me the whole pull yourself up by the bootstraps talk. My dad didn’t really reach out while I was sick and I’m sure he was hurt I didn’t tell him directly.
The final straw was that my mom texted me a photo of the new project she hired contractors to do. She has a lot of horses, a big barn and pastures on the property for them all to live happy lives. But she recently adopted a miniature pony, and she didn’t want him to stay in the big barn. So she hired professional contractors to come out and build a tiny house for a tiny horse, next to the 12 stall barn for the regular sized horses.
But yet refuses to send some money for groceries while her daughter deals with cancer. I understand it’s their money and they can spend it how they choose, I just thought I’d be prioritized over this new tiny horse.
I feel like I’m being entitled, and just because I was born to a wealthy family, doesn’t mean I should expect my parents to help me. I’m so angry and confused, and I feel like I shouldn’t be asking them for help. I don’t think they are able to be emotionally supportive, so the only way they can “help” is with their money, and they aren’t interested in that. I feel like an rear end in a top hat asking my friends and partner for help with paying for expensive medicines, when I come from a wealthy family. Part of me understands why my parents spend money on my siblings so easily(helped one buy a house this year, and I believe is helping the other pay for $70k a year grad school) and why they don’t with me. My siblings don’t push back, they go along with whatever my parents say, whereas I don’t tolerate some of my parents behaviors, and I’m not as close with them because of that. Am I an rear end in a top hat for expecting help even though I’m not close with my parents?
TLDR; Wealthy parents won’t help me pay for cancer bills, but spends their money on building a tiny horse a tiny house and vacation overseas with the whole family while I’m in the hospital. If your family is wealthy, are you being an entitled rear end to expect them to help with your medical bills even if you aren’t very close? Should you only ask for help from family if you have a solid relationship with them?
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Mar 22, 2022 20:39
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- Danaru
- Jun 5, 2012
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何 ??
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AITA for canceling a family trip and getting angry now that they're going to a resort without me?
quote:
None of them wanted to object because he was "being a dick."
Yeah I'm sure everyone hates the guy paying for them to have a free vacation and it's definitely not just you projecting, god drat
E:
AITA for expecting my wealthy parents to help me financially with cancer treatment, even though I’m not very close with them and didn’t tell them my diagnosis immediately?
quote:
She said there is no reason I should even be eating the week after surgery, because all I’m doing is laying in bed.
Oh my GOD.
Danaru fucked around with this message at 20:51 on Mar 22, 2022
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Mar 22, 2022 20:44
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- Ravenfood
- Nov 4, 2011
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AITA for inviting my mom to see my week old son (self.AmItheAsshole)
OP has commented a few times:
[–]husbandtroubles9889[S] [score hidden] 56 minutes ago
That's what I have been saying. These people don't respect fathers here.
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Mar 22, 2022 20:46
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- Foo Diddley
- Oct 29, 2011
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cat
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AITA for inviting my mom to see my week old son (self.AmItheAsshole)
quote:I don't think I did anything a good son wouldn't do
didn't do anything a good husband would have done
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Mar 22, 2022 20:48
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- MarcusSA
- Sep 23, 2007
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So this is the film that started it all.
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Mar 22, 2022 20:48
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- AreWeDrunkYet
- Jul 8, 2006
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AITA for canceling a family trip and getting angry now that they're going to a resort without me?
Edit: I realize I didn't make it clear, but I was never going to go to the resort. Before and after I found out my bro was paying for flights. I hate tropical weather and being pampered. I wasn't going to go either way. Everyone saying that I should shut up and go -- I'm not spending hundreds of dollars to go a place I do not like. Going to the resort was literally never on the table for me. That's why I was upset when I learned he was paying for flights to the resort for everyone. He wasn't offering to pay for everyone's flights to Disneyland before, just the resort. And he didn't offer to pay for everyone until AFTER he'd learned I wasn't going because I didn't like resorts.
Over the character limit for a dril tweet, unfortunately.
e: A month ago from the same OP:
My SIL thinks my best friend is flirting with her husband
quote:This is the first time I've ever posted to reddit so please bear with me.
So my whole family lives together. Me, my sister, my mom, my brother and his wife. My friend likes to come over sometimes. My family has always been especially friendly and my BF gets along great with them. Until last week when my SIL confronted me. She says that my BF has been seeking out the attention of my brother and flirting with him. A couple of examples she used were:
--My BF drunk from his smoothie a few months ago (in my family we all drink from each other's drinks)
--My BF wanted to sit next to him when we went out to a restaurant (she ended up not doing so because my SIL made sure to sit in between them)
--While at the restaurant my BF leaned over my SIL to give my brother a napkin saying "here you go!" In a sweet voice
--When my BF and I were playing VR she asked me to go get my brother and help her. Apparently I offered to help her instead but I don't remember this. (Keep in my it is my brother's VR)
My SIL told me she'd been trying to avoid talking about it for MONTHS because she doesn't like confrontation. But she simply couldn't put up with it anymore. She said she's cried about it several times and is incredibly upset about the whole thing. She also didn't want to get in-between me and my friend or cause a rift.
With her permission I then went to talk to my BF about this. She was absolutely flabbergasted. She said that my brother was a gamer (like her) and she liked talking to him about stuff like that because I myself am not much of a gamer so I don't understand the lingo. She also said that my brother offered her a drink of his smoothie that day. I assume she thought it was an open invitation. (My SIL talked to him that day about it and he told her that he offered her a drink only after the first sip she stole)
My BF is an extremely outgoing and bubbly person. She's always very friendly to everyone and has bonded with my family (with the exception of my SIL). She said she considers my family her family. She was hurt and upset that my SIL would think that she would not only flirt with another woman's husband but that she'd cheat on her boyfriend. (Her boyfriend lives in another country so it's a long distance relationship.) When I told her about my SIL's request to "stop seeking attention" from her husband, she was even more hurt. To her the request translated to "stop being yourself." Tone down her personality so to speak.
After going back to my SIL and telling her all this--that any "flirting" was unintentional--she said that my BF still should have respected her relationship with her husband. My BF is not family even if she considers herself to be. My SIL stated further that whenever she went over to her friend's homes she always maintained a distance. That friends should mostly interact with their friends and not their family. She went on to say that she doesn't feel guilty for anything. Even if my BF truly did not mean to disrespect anyone, my SIL feels she had the absolute right to say something and that if my BF is upset then she doesn't care because she's just standing up for herself. She doesn't want to be uncomfortable in her own house.
On a side note, my SIL wants to keep my brother out of this because is very busy and stressed with college right now. However, she did tell me that she spoke briefly about it with him some time ago. Apparently he said that he "could see" what she was talking about with my BF but that it wasn't a big deal and he didn't want her making it into one.
What should I do? I can't just solve the problem by going over to her house from now on. The only place my BF and I can really hang out is at my home. Her place is too crowded and small. If my SIL doesn't want her to come over anymore we literally don't have anywhere to go.
And more than that, I don't know who to side with. My SIL has always been a lovely person but this is making me confused. The absolute icing on the cake of this disaster fire is that all of us work at the same building. And they BOTH claim that for months, whenever they see each other in the halls they say hi while the other pretends not to see/hear the other. They both claim the other is ignoring them. On top of that, a month ago my BF told me she felt like my SIL hated her. I foolishly assured her she didn't. But turns out she was picking up on the icy vibes my SIL had been tuning out.
I know my SIL isn't just making this up because she outspokenly hates liars. And she's no real reason to. But on the other hand I believe that my friend truly was not trying to flirt with my brother and was just being friendly towards a fellow gamer. What should I do going forward?
TLDR: my SIL thinks my BF has been flirting with her husband, I believe my BF is just a very friendly person and wasn't doing anything intentionally. Now both of them are upset and neither want to talk to the other. AreWeDrunkYet fucked around with this message at 21:15 on Mar 22, 2022
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Mar 22, 2022 21:09
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- Mellow Seas
- Oct 9, 2012
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Can't post for 10 years!
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AITA for expecting my wealthy parents to help me financially with cancer treatment, even though I’m not very close with them and didn’t tell them my diagnosis immediately?
quote: She wasn’t interested in that, and said something along the lines of “I needed to do my part and get a job to help the economy”. (We live in the USA)
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Mar 22, 2022 21:17
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- Halloween Jack
- Sep 12, 2003
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I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!
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AITA for canceling a family trip and getting angry now that they're going to a resort without me?
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Mar 22, 2022 21:41
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- The Lone Badger
- Sep 24, 2007
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We have a perfectly good acid vat god drat it.
We relocated it to the sun to cut costs.
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Mar 22, 2022 22:37
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- ghost emoji
- Mar 11, 2016
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oooOooOOOooh
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AITA for asking my friend at work to put in a little effort in the friendship and not treat me like a ghost when I'm around her at work? (self.AmItheAsshole)
quote:Hey guys, it's my first time ever posting on Reddit so bare with me.
As the title says, I've been feeling quite uncomfortable at work as my new friend that i met from work is not really putting much effort in the friendship when in person. I've only started talking to her about a month before returning back to office and i must say, we started off pretty good. Good energy with conversations.
However, when we return back to office last week, i tried instigating some conversation but always met with single/ few words reply and the conversation just ends. On top of that, she's always on her phone and i felt so disrespected. A total 180 degree change from what she is when we were working from home
I've confronted her about this multiple times and all she said was that i was thinking too much and that she prefers low maintenance friendship. She also mention that she treats her friend similar to what she did to me in person. Mind you, she did mention before when we were working from home that I was her work bff or at least a friend but i felt it was all nonsense when we returned to office.
Right now after confronting her again, she says she's really turn off by how much i expect her to put as much effort as me into just a friendship when all i said is that i hope she puts in some effort to make me not feel like a ghost and that she now feels like staying away from me. On top of that, she's now ignoring me.
Sorry if I made you guys lost a little. Just wanted to put it out there as well. So am I the rear end in a top hat for wanting just some effort in a friendship?
Yours truly, A confused frustrated guy at work
YOU WILL BE MY FRIEND.
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Mar 23, 2022 00:11
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- CharlestheHammer
- Jun 26, 2011
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YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!
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There is a massive gap between bff and just like a friend.
Because it ain’t hard to become a work friend
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Mar 23, 2022 00:17
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- snergle
- Aug 3, 2013
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A kind little mouse!
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There is at least one exception to this where GPR can be weaponized against living, non-neglectful parents that comes up in the estranged parents forums a bunch in one of the flyover states; I believe it's Ohio, but i don't want to check because those boards are depressing and very repetitive.
its pennsylvania. they also aggressively sue the gently caress out of you if you dont pay for your parents medical bills etc. get divorced in penn? congrats your mom or dad can sue you for custody. then make you pay for their medical bills after your kid trips them and breaks their hip.
ohios is worded much more aggressivly but isnt enforced. just like most states have a filial duty law and but dont enforce it. pa does on both.
snergle fucked around with this message at 00:43 on Mar 23, 2022
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Mar 23, 2022 00:37
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- Pope Corky the IX
- Dec 18, 2006
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What are you looking at?
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I fully believe that she said to him "You're at least a friend"
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Mar 23, 2022 01:03
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- pentyne
- Nov 7, 2012
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AITA for asking my friend at work to put in a little effort in the friendship and not treat me like a ghost when I'm around her at work? (self.AmItheAsshole)
YOU WILL BE MY FRIEND.
people going insane over getting too deep into basic work relationships are never not a treat
someone post that screed of an article about the straight women who fell completely in love with her female co-worker over basic friendly behavior and imagined they literally one conversation away from running off like Thelma and Louise.
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Mar 23, 2022 01:18
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- pentyne
- Nov 7, 2012
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cannot loving believe it was a NYT article lol yes I can
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/09/style/modern-love-seduced-then-scorned-by-my-work-wife.html
Seduced, Then Scorned, by My Work Wife
quote:With my husband checked out of our marriage, I found flirtation at the office. It didn’t go well.
Just before the pizza arrived, my big, handsome husband went back to bed. He wouldn’t answer me. He didn’t want pizza, and he didn’t get up again for a week. Midlife crisis, maybe. Depression, definitely.
Eventually our lives resumed, but the man himself was detached and uninterested. He stopped cleaning anything, and he had been fastidious. Was stony silent when he had always been sweet and warm.
I tried to connect in as many ways as a wife can and suggested therapy, but the feel in our home was cooler. We stayed together out of commitment and shared history. This distance led to a cavern of loneliness for me, but where else would I go and what else would I do? My husband was my world.
I worked at a behavioral health clinic where every lifestyle was acceptable. My work friends, single women mostly, seemed as lonely as I, and we became family for each other — a girl tribe.
One boring day in September, a co-worker brushed her fingers against my bare forearm, and when I glanced up, she held my eye contact a fraction too long. A millisecond. In the time it took for me to blush, the entire world shifted, came into focus, brightened.
She was a charismatic person in the workplace with an unofficial fan club. It wasn’t her masculine energy that attracted me. It was her ability to make any day fun, her intense brown eyes and my own strangling loneliness. Her attention was flattering. I was stunned that I had worked with her for a couple of years and not noticed our chemistry before. How could I have missed it?
I had been boy-crazy in junior high and married to my husband exactly 20 years. I had never considered anything other than male partners.
She became my work wife, in office terms, and then some. Though I considered myself straight, I crushed hard. The idea was in my head, and this woman was in my heart. My husband lived only in my house.
In social work, where we can’t speak about our clients outside of the office, our colleagues become our closest confidants. Intimacy, emotional and physical, that may push boundaries in some offices was acceptable in ours.
She flirted with me, liked everything I posted on Facebook, and called me her “boo.” I tried to make sense of my feelings, tried to give this relationship a name, but there was none. Girl crush, sure. Affair? Not in the physical sense. Besties? There were other friends I had more history with. I began to think I might be losing my mind.
And she was out, out-out, having long been aware of her sexual orientation.
“Maybe she’s just an affectionate person,” I thought, but then I recalled statements and gestures that no other co-worker would say or make. Her hesitance to do anything that might make my husband “jealous.” Blushing at my compliment of her prettiness. Sitting by me in a meeting and saying, “It’s where I belong.”
Even more alarming: When I looked into her eyes, I didn’t feel lonely.
“Have you ever cheated?” she asked me one day.
“No!” I said. “And neither has my husband. It’s what I love best about him.”
And that was true. My husband was safe, so drat safe he was gone emotionally. I feared I was already cheating with my thoughts and feelings. Even if it turned out to be all in my mind, I wondered what else this deep loneliness might compel me to do.
I began collecting reasons I wasn’t crazy. Ways to prove that she liked me as more than a co-worker and more than a friend. After she skinned her knee and I complimented her on her legs, she found ways to incorporate a daily leg showing into her schedule.
Leaving work early one Friday, she left a message for me with a male office mate — “Tell Carrie I love her” — which he passed along with an uncomfortable throat clearing.
She was emotionally needy and tended to run hot and cold, but my presence soothed her when nothing else could. It was an honor to be chosen as her handler, her office-whisperer.
If she mentioned weekend plans with other friends, I would get revenge by going out to dinner with my husband, who would unwittingly retaliate by ignoring me in favor of ESPN on the restaurant’s wall-mounted TV. And I would feel justified in flirting with her again on Monday.
One day I’d been too busy to eat my lunch and left a bag of fast food, a hamburger and fries, on my desk. When I finally opened the bag, the box of fries was empty but for a few salty crumbs. She’d eaten them.
Rather than feeling angry, I was flattered by the assumed intimacy.
When Christmas came, I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t want to look like a stalker if she decided to go all co-worker on me, drop a piece of candy on my desk and call it good. In the end, I made a pocket dictionary of the creative curse words that pepper her vocabulary. She was thrilled.
We made an odd pair around the office. I was taller, girlie, straight. She was athletic, foul-mouthed, a self-described “butch.” I wore bikini panties, and she made a point of showing me her size small men’s boxers. I was an early bird to her night owl and would wake to find several texts she had sent through the night.
It felt dangerous to have a flirty friendship apart from my husband, who had always been faithful. But he didn’t care how much time I spent with her.
Then, with a suddenness that was jolting, I was replaced. Her next bestie was a cute new-hire in our department who was not-at-all confused about their relationship. My work wife flaunted this new friendship, relished in telling me the juicy details, as if rubbing my nose in it. I unfriended her on Facebook so I wouldn’t have to see the posts of her and her new office spouse happily obsessing over each other.
I had been scorned! Worse than scorned. An ex-boyfriend can be written off as an insensitive putz, but a woman knows full well how to hurt another woman. She behaved as if I had no right to be jealous; after all, we were just colleagues!
On rare occasions, we still ate lunch together, where I felt like a one-person audience at her show, and it was as lonely as being ignored at home. And now, a dreary Tuesday in the office was just a dreary Tuesday.
Very quickly, however, I noticed that my day was less complicated when she took time off, when I didn’t feel that tug to her and wasn’t obligated to tend her moods. But our work spaces remained close, and that required the zipping up of my emotional hazmat suit. It helped to blame her, to stop sensing her electrical current when she entered the room. Helped to stop checking my cellphone for her more distant “still heart you” texts. It felt good to mind my own business.
As glad as I was to be out of her tornado, I was offended by my demotion in her friendship hierarchy. I was now the person she went to if she couldn’t find anyone better. I desperately wanted to turn back the clock to when I had no relationship with her at all. I gave her the silent treatment. I stopped short of dirty looks, but my inner 8-year-old wanted to say, “You’re not my friend.”
We never discussed it, not our feelings for each other nor the apparent end of them. What could I possibly say? “We’re co-workers. Don’t you love me anymore?”
As time passed, I began to realize why her rejection stung so much. Her mixed messages reminded me of my husband’s. He allowed our marriage to continue in a passive way but refused to participate. Present in the house but not in the conversation.
Eventually, I sat my husband down and admitted that I was lonely. Really lonely. Lonely enough that — well, never mind, just deep in loneliness. I told him I needed more attention. Needed love. And so the emotional improvement projects began.
My husband found treatment for his depression. We spent more evenings together. He has the most beautiful laugh that pierces me in the finest way, something that had been in rare supply in recent months. With the return of that laugh, and with time, he was able to mend the work-wife-shaped hole in my heart.
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Mar 23, 2022 02:17
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- Foo Diddley
- Oct 29, 2011
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cat
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it's incredible how loving bad this writing is
i can't even read it, my eyes keep sliding off of it as my brain desperately attempts to save itself from damage
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Mar 23, 2022 02:27
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- kimbo305
- Jun 9, 2007
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actually, yeah, I am a little mad
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Her face is maybe just a 5/10 but she's got meat distribution like Arby's
I asked my gf to distribute not just her meats but also my beans, AITA?
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Mar 23, 2022 03:18
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- Mx.
- Dec 16, 2006
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I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!
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I (23M) had a fight with my Girlfriend(26F) over Cosplay in the Bedroom, Now My Friends Think She's Cheating On Me.
quote:I posted on here about a week ago, about the issues I was having with my girlfriend with our sex life. Basically, she refused to have sex with me unless I dressed up as Sasuke from the anime Naruto. It was taken down because it belonged on the sex subreddit, but not before I got tons of advice. I figured this update belongs here because of how the situation continued.
A lot of you said to talk to her about it during a neutral activity. So I brought it up last Monday when we were out walking our dogs. I let her know that the whole dressing up and roleplaying was making me feel ignored, and that I want it to be her and I without any costumes. She told me that it helped with her stress and she got used to doing it, but she was willing to save it for special occasions.
Things had been going well since then, that is, until we had sex last night. To put it bluntly, she moaned “Sasuke” in my ear while we were going at it. I was instantly turned off by hearing his name again and immediately stopped. I stormed tothe bathroom without saying anything and locked the door behind me. My girlfriend started crying at me through the door, apologizing and saying that it just “slipped”. I asked her if she loved Sasuke more than she loves me and she said no, and that it’s just that Sasuke makes her feel safe. I still can’t comprehend what that even means. I was angry, sad, confused, and just done with the situation.
I don’t know why this hit me as hard as it did, but I couldn’t bear being there any longer so I threw my clothes back on and told her I needed to go for a drive to clear my head. I didn’t plan on spending the whole night out, but there was no way I could come back after that, so I decided to crash at my uncle’s place. I told him that I had a fight with my girlfriend and he let me sleep on the couch.
To make matters even worse, my friend group is now aware that we had a falling out because of my consistent lovely mood. When one of my buddies asked me what happened with my girlfriend in our group chat, I said I didn’t want to talk about it. They wouldn’t stop bugging me about it, so I lied and said that she cheated on me with one of her male coworkers she gets along well with. I just couldn’t tell them that I’ve been pretending to be Sasuke in the bedroom to have sex with my girlfriend and that she's still thinking of Sasuke even though I thought we had come to an understanding.
Lying about her cheating on me was admittedly a stupid move on my part, but I just can’t let them know the truth. They’ve been supportive of me, but I feel horrible lying about all of this and I don’t like that they’re calling her names and talking about ways to get back at her. I don’t want anything to happen, I just want to fix it. At the moment, I’m still at my uncle’s place, depressed as poo poo. I have no idea how to face her again and make things right. My phone has been blowing up with calls and texts from her so I think I’m just going to drink about it for now, and hopefully Reddit can offer some advice on how to fix this god awful mess I made with my friends as well as the situation with my girlfriend.
TL;DR: My girlfriend said I don't have to dress up as Sasuke anymore, things were good until she said his name while we were having sex, we fought and I freaked out and told my friends she cheated on me because I didn't want to tell the truth.
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Mar 23, 2022 04:07
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- Troublemaker
- Mar 12, 2007
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Can just anybody write an article for the NYT? Like, there is absolutely nothing newsworthy about this, even from a human interest POV. Lady's husband is depressed, she develops a crush on a female coworker, neither of them act on it, coworker finds someone else, lady's husband gets treatment for depression.
Other than the person who wrote this drivel, who gives a poo poo?
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Mar 23, 2022 04:54
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 31, 2024 00:47
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- Motronic
- Nov 6, 2009
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Can just anybody write an article for the NYT? Like, there is absolutely nothing newsworthy about this, even from a human interest POV. Lady's husband is depressed, she develops a crush on a female coworker, neither of them act on it, coworker finds someone else, lady's husband gets treatment for depression.
Other than the person who wrote this drivel, who gives a poo poo?
Is this the kind of thing where just about anyone can write an "article" for Forbes or the like and it it gets posted on the web site but never actually in the magazine or main site?
I.e. https://getonforbes.com/forbes-contributor-guest-posting/ or pay for it because you content it just way too bad: https://www.forbes.com/connect/content-solutions/brandvoice/
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Mar 23, 2022 04:58
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Mar 22, 2022 19:54
this person never even considers that maybe the rest of the family is relieved to go on a trip without her.
