[succ] Go directly to the solutions tent, do not collect 600 dollars

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > [succ] Go directly to the solutions tent, do not collect 600 dollars

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spacemang_spliff: Nov 29, 2014; wide pickle

Polybius91 posted:

This is a true story of something that happened just a few years ago at USC. There was a professor of philosophy there who was a deeply committed atheist. His primary goal for one required class was to spend the entire semester attempting to prove that God couldn�t exist. His students were always afraid to argue with him because of his impeccable logic. For twenty years, he had taught this class and no one had ever had the courage to go against him. Sure, some had argued in class at times, but no one had ever �really gone against him� (you�ll see what I mean later).Nobody would go against him because he had a reputation. At the end of every semester, on the last day, he would say to his class of 300 students, �If there anyone here who still believes in Jesus, stand up!� In twenty years, no one had ever stood up. They knew what he was going to do next. He would say, �because anyone who does believe in God is a fool. If God existed, he could stop this piece of chalk from hitting the ground and breaking. Such a simple task to prove that he is God, and yet he can�t do it.� And every year, he would drop the chalk onto the tile floor of the classroom and it would shatter into a hundred pieces. The students could do nothing but stop and stare. Most of the students were convinced that God couldn�t exist. Certainly, a number of Christians had slipped through, but for 20 years, they had been too afraid to stand up.

Well, a few years ago, there was a freshman who happened to get enrolled in the class. He was a Christian, and had heard the stories about this professor. He had to take the class because it was one of the required classes for his major and he was afraid. But for 3 months that semester, he prayed every morning that he would have the courage to stand up no matter what the professor said or what the class thought. Nothing they said or did could ever shatter his faith, he hoped.

Finally the day came. The professor said, �If there is anyone here who still believes in God, stand up!� The professor and the class of 300 people looked at him, shocked, as he stood up at the back of the classroom. The professor shouted, �You FOOL!! If God existed, he could keep this piece of chalk from breaking when it hit the ground!� He proceeded to drop the chalk, but as he did, it slipped out of his fingers, off his shirt cuff, onto the pleats of his pants, down his leg, and off his shoe. As it hit the ground, it simply rolled away, unbroken.

The professor�s jaw dropped as he stared at the chalk. He looked up at the young man and then ran out of the lecture hall. The young man who had stood up proceeded to walk to the front of the room and share his faith in Jesus for the next half hour. 300 students stayed and listened as he told of God�s love for them and of his power through Jesus.

it was me I was the professor and i shitted my dockers when this happened

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:31

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# ? May 25, 2024 17:16

Zvahl: Oct 14, 2005; научный кот

Rubellavator posted:

surely they won't just get gerrymandered or disenfranchised in one of a dozen other ways

generally one doesn't concern oneself with the opinions of people they want to forcibly relocate for political purposes

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:31

Nichael: Mar 30, 2011

Zvahl posted:

well their tweets do cause rather amazing levels of psychic damage so it scans

https://twitter.com/Srsf89836580/status/1540385588934606848?cxt=HHwWgICg2YSixuAqAAAA

bing bing bong bong so simple

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:32

Nichael: Mar 30, 2011

Atrocious Joe posted:

https://twitter.com/lib_crusher/status/1546976647517474816?s=20&t=C9z4dCs0y42bOtTPN3_Xug

https://twitter.com/ericisaac/status/1546992149249638401?s=20&t=Lu3SX9kILqgWfCSg9ZqWsA
so cute!

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:35

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Zvahl posted:

well their tweets do cause rather amazing levels of psychic damage so it scans

https://twitter.com/Srsf89836580/status/1540385588934606848?cxt=HHwWgICg2YSixuAqAAAA

did this guy really think he could make more than a million people move to a different state, by tweeting that senate seats would be in reach

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:37

Nichael: Mar 30, 2011

loquacius posted:

did this guy really think he could make more than a million people move to a different state, by tweeting that senate seats would be in reach

Yes.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:38

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

what's that? Senate seats can be in reach for the extremely competent Democratic Party, if I simply uproot my entire life and move to loving Nebraska, with the only caveat being that 199,999 other people have to do it too? I like those odds!

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:39

HashtagGirlboss: Jan 4, 2005

hobbesmaster posted:

yes let�s increase the population of the Dakota by like 1/3 overnight, sure there will be no issues with this.

Lol just remembering the horror stories from ND during the shale oil boom a few years ago just absolutely incapable of providing enough housing or other services

WY would be even worse because holy shot is that place desolate

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:39

lobotomy molo: May 7, 2007; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

goddamn smythe, i know the admins are lazy but 12 hours later and still nothing? smdh

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:39

lobotomy molo: May 7, 2007; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

HashtagGirlboss posted:

Lol just remembering the horror stories from ND during the shale oil boom a few years ago just absolutely incapable of providing enough housing or other services

WY would be even worse because holy shot is that place desolate

for a brief moment some oil towns in ND were the most expensive housing in the country. lots of people sleeping in their trucks and hoping they didn�t freeze to death

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:40

guidoanselmi: Feb 6, 2008; I thought my ideas were so clear. I wanted to make an honest post. No lies whatsoever.

Atrocious Joe posted:

https://twitter.com/lib_crusher/status/1546976647517474816?s=20&t=C9z4dCs0y42bOtTPN3_Xug

hmm i wonder where anti-bush support is really coming from...

https://twitter.com/mistergeezy/status/1547217230055743489

C/O Canary pro-genocide fund

An aside: One of the mainstays of the pro-palestinian movement in STL was Hedy, a holocaust survivor. RIP. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedy_Epstein

guidoanselmi has issued a correction as of 18:52 on Jul 13, 2022

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:47

Lansdowne: Dec 28, 2008

WampaLord posted:

didn't know hunter was a liz warren supporter

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:52

HashtagGirlboss: Jan 4, 2005

Fly Molo posted:

for a brief moment some oil towns in ND were the most expensive housing in the country. lots of people sleeping in their trucks and hoping they didn�t freeze to death

It didn�t last long though. Williston crashed hard and somehow that took people by surprise because people are idiots

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:55

gradenko_2000: Oct 5, 2010; HELL SERPENT; Lipstick Apathy

What kind of sicko would move to Dakota just to vote for a Democrat

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:56

lobotomy molo: May 7, 2007; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

HashtagGirlboss posted:

It didn�t last long though. Williston crashed hard and somehow that took people by surprise because people are idiots

yeah a lot of half-built motels went bankrupt lol

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:56

lobster shirt: Jun 14, 2021

Polybius91 posted:

This is a true story of something that happened just a few years ago at USC. There was a professor of philosophy there who was a deeply committed atheist. His primary goal for one required class was to spend the entire semester attempting to prove that God couldn�t exist. His students were always afraid to argue with him because of his impeccable logic. For twenty years, he had taught this class and no one had ever had the courage to go against him. Sure, some had argued in class at times, but no one had ever �really gone against him� (you�ll see what I mean later).Nobody would go against him because he had a reputation. At the end of every semester, on the last day, he would say to his class of 300 students, �If there anyone here who still believes in Jesus, stand up!� In twenty years, no one had ever stood up. They knew what he was going to do next. He would say, �because anyone who does believe in God is a fool. If God existed, he could stop this piece of chalk from hitting the ground and breaking. Such a simple task to prove that he is God, and yet he can�t do it.� And every year, he would drop the chalk onto the tile floor of the classroom and it would shatter into a hundred pieces. The students could do nothing but stop and stare. Most of the students were convinced that God couldn�t exist. Certainly, a number of Christians had slipped through, but for 20 years, they had been too afraid to stand up.

Well, a few years ago, there was a freshman who happened to get enrolled in the class. He was a Christian, and had heard the stories about this professor. He had to take the class because it was one of the required classes for his major and he was afraid. But for 3 months that semester, he prayed every morning that he would have the courage to stand up no matter what the professor said or what the class thought. Nothing they said or did could ever shatter his faith, he hoped.

Finally the day came. The professor said, �If there is anyone here who still believes in God, stand up!� The professor and the class of 300 people looked at him, shocked, as he stood up at the back of the classroom. The professor shouted, �You FOOL!! If God existed, he could keep this piece of chalk from breaking when it hit the ground!� He proceeded to drop the chalk, but as he did, it slipped out of his fingers, off his shirt cuff, onto the pleats of his pants, down his leg, and off his shoe. As it hit the ground, it simply rolled away, unbroken.

The professor�s jaw dropped as he stared at the chalk. He looked up at the young man and then ran out of the lecture hall. The young man who had stood up proceeded to walk to the front of the room and share his faith in Jesus for the next half hour. 300 students stayed and listened as he told of God�s love for them and of his power through Jesus.

does anyone have the one where its richard dawkins and the marine transforms into a bear and they fight apocalypse style

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:57

is pepsi ok: Oct 23, 2002

lmao lemme just move to loving nebraska and surround myself with corn and meth so that kamala can be my president lolol

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:58

HashtagGirlboss: Jan 4, 2005

gradenko_2000 posted:

What kind of sicko would move to Dakota just to vote for a Democrat

You could probably convince me to move to western Montana if you made the deal really sweet. Not to vote for Dems though. Utah�s nice to visit but it�s got a looming water crisis nobody wants to talk about and also run by a religious theocracy that isn�t going to let you wrest away power without a hell of a fight. Wyoming is just too desolate even if it�s really pretty. But Jfc the dakotas or Nebraska? gently caress right off

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:02

Shageletic: Jul 25, 2007

KirbyKhan posted:

As a TGRS alumni, the poster is loving right about Fluffdaddy. I can't empty quote it in thread because I am a coward and I'm not eating the ban+30

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:08

lobotomy molo: May 7, 2007; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

is pepsi ok posted:

lmao lemme just move to loving nebraska and surround myself with corn and meth so that kamala can be my president lolol

sounds like a good time minus the kamala tbh

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:09

lobotomy molo: May 7, 2007; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

KirbyKhan posted:

As a TGRS alumni, the poster is loving right about Fluffdaddy. I can't empty quote it in thread because I am a coward and I'm not eating the ban+30

PM it to me, idgaf

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:10

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

500 good dogs posted:

https://twitter.com/fonytauci/status/1547092512526983169

lol

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:11

the white hand: Nov 12, 2016; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

lobster shirt posted:

does anyone have the one where its richard dawkins and the marine transforms into a bear and they fight apocalypse style

Some Internet Guy posted:

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, �God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I�ll give you exactly 15 minutes.� The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, �Here I am God. I�m still waiting.� It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and lifted up his arm to strike him.

At that moment the professor was transformed into a 7-foot grizzly, wreathed in a halo of holy fire. The bear spoke: "Blasphemer thou art, thou thinkst to take the place of God? Those who deny me face eternal fire, but you who knows my work and yet commits the sin of Satan I curse a hundred times over!" The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently picking at his boils. Then Richard Dawkins burst into the room, wielding a copy of The Selfish Gene and crying "Leave that boy alone, you pathetic atavism!" As the holy bear whirled around, terrible light flashing in its eyes, Dawkins shed his mortal form, raised each of his seven horned heads, and hissed. "It'ssss me you want!". And then the Lord and the Antichrist joined in the final battle.

The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:14

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

gradenko_2000 posted:

What kind of sicko would move to Dakota just to vote for a Democrat

gonna quit my job and leave my friends and family behind to move to a place where the ballot is just a long list of Rs running uncontested

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:14

Zvahl: Oct 14, 2005; научный кот

guidoanselmi posted:

hmm i wonder where anti-bush support is really coming from...

https://twitter.com/mistergeezy/status/1547217230055743489

C/O Canary pro-genocide fund

An aside: One of the mainstays of the pro-palestinian movement in STL was Hedy, a holocaust survivor. RIP. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedy_Epstein

literal carpetbagging in support of a rapist because eew icky leftist said palestine

cori bush is garbage because she's a democrat but holy poo poo this party is bad

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:16

HashtagGirlboss: Jan 4, 2005

Always been partial to this version

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist

�Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!�

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

�How old is this rock, pinhead?�

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied �4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian�

�Wrong. It�s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real� then it should be an animal now�

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the �poor� (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named �Small Government� flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Semper Fi.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:16

lobotomy molo: May 7, 2007; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

loquacius posted:

gonna quit my job and leave my friends and family behind to move to a place where the ballot is just a long list of Rs running uncontested

it�s the same blind spot democrats have to all of the challenges of life: how are you supposed to survive there? how are you supposed to find a job, housing, survive without any friends or family?

their answer for all poor people in all contexts is �not my problem, they�ll either figure it out or they won�t� and the same applies here. it�s not their problem if somebody listens to them, moves their whole family a thousand miles across the country, and ends up homeless with frostbite.

it�s called personal responsibility. :fsmug:

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:17

CLAM DOWN: Feb 13, 2007

500 good dogs posted:

https://twitter.com/fonytauci/status/1547092512526983169

lol

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:17

Israel 2: Jul 13, 2022; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

gradenko_2000 posted:

What kind of sicko would move to Dakota just to vote for a Democrat

a Democrat

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:20

lobster shirt: Jun 14, 2021

the white hand posted:

hahaha thank you

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:21

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; Ultra Carp

quote:

It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”

quote:

An eagle named “Small Government”

lol

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:23

guidoanselmi: Feb 6, 2008; I thought my ideas were so clear. I wanted to make an honest post. No lies whatsoever.

Zvahl posted:

literal carpetbagging in support of a rapist because eew icky leftist said palestine

cori bush is garbage because she's a democrat but holy poo poo this party is bad

FWIW I met her once or twice but never really got to know her, but same activist circles. Friends & acquaintances respected her & her work. There were a few shitheads in the activist community in STL and she was not one. I escaped from STL before she won so dunno what happened since give or take social media.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:24

Zvahl: Oct 14, 2005; научный кот

guidoanselmi posted:

FWIW I met her once or twice but never really got to know her, but same activist circles. Friends & acquaintances respected her & her work. There were a few shitheads in the activist community in STL and she was not one. I escaped from STL before she won so dunno what happened since give or take social media.

sure, but if she's going to capitulate when big mommy pelosi demands 40 billion azov funbux, she's going to capitulate whenever there is any actual chance something good will happen, or be one of the people in discussions to find the right number of democrats to prevent actual change, anyway

the party is rot, participating in the party means you will stand for absolutely nothing when demanded to by the interests of blood money

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:27

lobotomy molo: May 7, 2007; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Zvahl posted:

sure, but if she's going to capitulate when big mommy pelosi demands 40 billion azov funbux, she's going to capitulate whenever there is any actual chance something good will happen, or be one of the people in discussions to find the right number of democrats to prevent actual change, anyway

the party is rot, participating in the party means you will stand for absolutely nothing when demanded to by the interests of blood money

# ? Jul 13, 2022 19:28