Ornamental Dingbat posted:

This bird has been my profile pic on my work Outlook for the last 4 years:


Because I'm literally (named after) a bird

Takes No Damage posted:

Chitin posted:

Trying to jerk it on antidepressants like

BOOTY-ADE posted:

Every time I see this I remember one of those bird memes that looked like this guy with the caption "the risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math"

Baronjutter posted:

"we made out a bunch and then had sex but I wasn't sure if she was into me"

Just classic lesbian poo poo. Are they ok?? Why they be like that? My boss was telling me a story recently about 2 friends in a similar situation who would make out and cuddle almost every day and walk around holding hands but they spent nearly a YEAR before either of them had the courage to "ask them out" or talk about their feelings at all because both assumed the other wasn't "really" gay or wasn't "really" into them. Meanwhile everyone around them assumed they were an official couple since the moment they met and their reaction was "how did you know we were gay before we did???" I dunno, maybe the making out and loving a woman for a year tipped them off.

They even had a big "coming out" thing to their friend group which is where everyone just reacted with total confusion because everyone knew they were already in a committed relationship. Both of them were like "Why didn't anyone tell us we were lesbians for the last year!!!? It could have saved us so much anxiety!!"

It's really amazing.

FFT posted:

LuxuryLarva posted:

I volunteer a lot so sometimes I meet people who have lost jobs and I met this guy who lost his job at google and he used to work for the google glass division and then he started working in their AI division. After he got fired his girlfriend dumped him. One time when we were volunteering he told me that deer kept eating all the plants in his garden and I told him to get a goose because it would scare away all the deer. He got a goose egg and he got it to imprint on him and now the goose literally just follows him around his yard and it attacks his neighbors and the other day he told me that the goose scared away a date by flying into her and biting her face. I ruined this nerd's life with a goose. Computers should be illegal. Thanks for listening.

LuxuryLarva posted:

Even though I lowkey dislike the tech industry and think that tech workers have ruined my hometown by making everything too expensive I can see his humanity and will never tell him how I feel. He seems super sad on most days and has told me multiple times that even though he's been successful financially he's never really accomplished anything at work - that google got rid of every project he ever worked on - that his girlfriend only liked him because he had money. It seems like it's the only living thing that actually loves him even though it attacks the deliveryman and it leaves huge corklike turds all over his car's windshield that he has to pick out with his hands because he says they smear when he uses the wipers.

LuxuryLarva posted:

I really dislike almost everything about the tech industry but I'd be lying if it wasn't motivated by a lot of jealousy since many of those opportunities seem completely out of reach to me. I find a lot of tech people to be arrogant and sheltered and they tend to view themselves as the superego of society - like it's their job to discipline the world - and it grates on me. Adding to that the arrival of tech giants in my hometown marked a decades long transition into an economy that was ever more cruel, extractive, and unequal. It will probably eventually force me to live in a place that I don't want to live in. However I keep my mouth shut. It's not productive to shout people down and call them gentrifiers and computers aren't going away. It just makes you seem like a psychopath, it burns down bridges, and what could any of them even do to change things even if I convinced them? Nothing. It's bigger than them. It's bigger than me.

poo poo. I might even learn to program someday - but the ill will is still there. I just can't help it. It's just human.

Having said all of that none of this sentiment motivated my decision to recommend a goose as a pet to protect that man's garden. It was just the first thing that popped into my head. I told him that they made great guard animals and then I started talking about how they were used to protect Rome and something just went off in his head. He says that whenever he leaves in his car it chases him down the block because it's so attached to him that it doesn't want him to leave. He's getting a cage to put it in because of this because after it chases him down the cul de sac it just wanders around the neighborhood trying to eat cats. Apparently it gets into absolutely wild fights with raccoons because it's so incredibly territorial as well. It is obviously a very disruptive animal because it wants to protect him and it's extremely aggressive but he has nothing bad to say about it even though it keeps him up at night, shits on everything, and tries to kill everything that moves including his dates.

Anyway in my defense he's sort of a sad sack and has nothing in this world except google money and that goose so connecting him with a flying poo poo snake was a good thing. I'm helping him.

Milo and POTUS posted:

sagoose

Brawnfire posted:

Attention! Women are not objects!

I said, women aren't just things, they're people!

*taps woman's head* Is this thing on?

Mad Hamish posted:

Wingnut Ninja posted:

Tools for killing a very specific type of vampire.

Ambassadorofsodomy posted:

For dealing with vampiles.

SplitSoul posted:

SplitSoul posted:

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

who the gently caress would click that

Beardly posted:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdWmaWrfeJw

Drawing Mario is easy and fun with these simple instructions! Give it a try!

Discount_Bees posted:

What the gently caress OP? This doesn't look like Mario at all. This is horseshit.

webster876 posted:

One day, Discount Bees woke up and said "Today I will draw everything. Everything that could possibly be drawn, so that way I will be prepared to instantly provide an imagine for every possible situation where a picture might be needed, and those who are not aware will think I was able to create the image on the fly. Foolish, foolish goons."

Several Hours later...

"Okay, I finished a picture of three ducks bobsledding into bowling pins, each of which resembles a different character from 'Eternal Champions' for the SEGA Genesis, and the one who looks like 'Shadow' is holding a rebel flag. Now I will draw creepy rear end egg-faced Nazi Mario-Monolith-Terror-Bot. Never know when I might need that one!"

THE END.

Jose Mengelez posted:

you hosed up son.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Cranappleberry posted:

Master Chief removes her helmet. It's Cher. The Covenant goes wild. They believe in life after love.

thatbastardken posted:

mllaneza posted:

Even just a makeover can work wonders. Back at the ad agency I worked with N. N was... plain. Girl had no style. None. Not in makeup, not with her hair, not with her clothes. Absolutely a great person to work with or hang out at the bar with, but not a looker. Not ugly, just neutral at best.

Then there was that Monday. This was 2006 or so if it matters.

It started innocently, a few of the guys asking each other who was that sitting at N's desk, she's super hot.

Oh god we hosed up. We hosed up so, so very badly.

That was N.

She'd had a full makeover and gotten some fantastic advice on her wardrobe over the weekend.

The guys who worked on that floor had multiple huddles throughout that Monday. We, especially the single guys, but the married men were culpable too, agreed that we had all hosed up and missed a real gem of a woman over nothing but looks. And now that she'd upgraded, we were going to wish her good hunting, support her however we could, and acknowledge that we'd learned a valuable lesson.

Cythereal posted:

Cartoon Man posted:

monolithburger posted:

Edraculate

ZixTheYeti posted:

Drac Sucking Lips.

Splicer posted:

I do not swallow... wine...

Cythereal posted:

That Little Demon posted:

if you give a thread a diaper the mods will open it

zimbomonkey posted:

i love when awful people continue to be awful people but think they've grown because they learned the wrong lessons. "I learned to be nice the uggos because they might get hot later" is not a form of character development.

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

She was slashie, a rich New York society heiress. It was IP confirmed or some poo poo. I remember Jeff or Fluffdaddy or someone posting about it but not where.

symbolic posted:

im slashie and i love money ama

HopperUK posted:

Can I have some money

symbolic posted:

ama time is over

Sundae posted:

I still hold that excessive exposure to internet-irony causes some kind of brain damage. One could even go so far as to say The Internet Makes You Stupid.

SpelledBackwards posted:

poo poo, I bet you could create a whole website around that. Might have a forum, and even a front page!

Weatherman posted:

There'd be a front page?

shut up blegum posted:

They say in the first part of the post that she was a great person to work and hang out with.
Everybody tripping over themselves to point out how her colleagues treated N like trash until she got the makeover, while the post literally states the opposite

zedprime posted:

Yes, if we completely ignore the last half of the post where they start gossiping behind her back about how hot she is and how they made a mistake (what's the mistake if they are already great to hang out with?), it's just a wholesome ugly duckling story.

zedprime posted:

Yes, if we completely ignore the last half of the post where they start gossiping behind her back about how hot she is and how they made a mistake (what's the mistake if they are already great to hang out with?), it's just a wholesome ugly duckling story.