r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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Pirate Radar: Apr 18, 2008; You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!

If you hand me a random orange I�m going to start reenacting scenes from The Godfather movies. That�s just how it is.

# ? Jan 20, 2024 08:04

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# ? May 14, 2024 10:56

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

I immediately hand the orange back to you and wait for you to peel it for me. Two can play at that game motherfucker!

# ? Jan 20, 2024 08:06

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

What if they smash it against their face, the only known way to get juice from them?

# ? Jan 20, 2024 08:08

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

If someone handed me an orange, why the gently caress would I immediately start peeling it? Maybe they were showing me how rotten the orange was, or that they just saw a giant spider crawl inside it. Or maybe they wanted me to see how perfect this orange was that they were saving for their breakfast tomorrow and now I've ruined it by peeling it. I'm not just going to start peeling the loving orange without first knowing why I was handed an orange.

# ? Jan 20, 2024 08:17

Elissimpark: May 20, 2010; Bring me the head of Auguste Escoffier.

PokeJoe posted:

Matter of opinion

Well, drop a few bucks on my Only Fans then.

# ? Jan 20, 2024 08:17

PokeJoe: Aug 24, 2004; hail cgatan

Link it coward

# ? Jan 20, 2024 08:19

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

If you hand me an orange it's my goddamn orange now. You want a peeled one, do it your drat self.

# ? Jan 20, 2024 08:23

DeeplyConcerned: Apr 29, 2008; I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

Ghost Leviathan posted:

What if they smash it against their face, the only known way to get juice from them?

Let's see, I'd say that shows:
great physical strength, ability to smash
High pain endurance
disregard for consequences to your face

I'd say that classifies them as a Neanderthal.
Orange test: passed!
Partner potential: very high

# ? Jan 20, 2024 08:31

Ragnarok the Red: Jun 21, 2002

My (23F) boyfriend (24M) has waifus and it�s destroying me.

quote:

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, those three years have been amazing. He�s genuinely someone I want to be with for the rest of my life, he makes me feel (sorry to quote rianna) like I�m the only girl in the world.

The problems started recently when he started getting closer to one of his friends. His friend is single and has multiple �waifus� which from what I understand are fictional characters with whom he is in a relationship. I don�t have a problem with his friend, I do however have a problem with my boyfriend developing his own relationship with 3 separate characters.

At first he told me it was all a joke, i then found writing he had done, a story about himself and these characters having an orgy. After I confronted him, He finally admitted to it being serious. Apparently he used to be into this stuff before we met, and talking to his friend made him feel like he wanted to start again.

He won�t tell me anything about it because he says it makes him uncomfortable to talk about it. When he said that the only thought in my head was �you�re uncomfortable? You�re the one DOING IT�. All of this has made me feel so alone, unappreciated, violated, betrayed and hurt. I feel like I shouldn�t care because they�re fictional but he spends all day talking with his friends about his sex fantasies with other women.

It�s brought back insecurities I had dealt with after my first relationship ended. I feel like his behaviour spits on the mutual respect I thought we had for each other and our relationship.

What�s my best course of action here? Should I try to talk to him about it or just get gone before he makes everything worse?

(Edit for context) when I say waifu I mean he�s having a second relationship with these characters. It�s as serious to him as our real relationship is.

Probably should get gone with a quickness.

Ragnarok the Red fucked around with this message at 08:34 on Jan 20, 2024

# ? Jan 20, 2024 08:31

PokeJoe: Aug 24, 2004; hail cgatan

my waifu orgy

# ? Jan 20, 2024 08:43

mailorder bees: Nov 4, 2011; FLUFFERNUTTER

put the whole unpeeled orange up your butt as a power move

# ? Jan 20, 2024 09:55

edogawa rando: Mar 20, 2007

the holy poopacy posted:

I immediately hand the orange back to you and wait for you to peel it for me. Two can play at that game motherfucker!

I'd say take a bunch of them, freeze them, put the frozen oranges in a sock and beat him to death.

Then eat the oranges.

# ? Jan 20, 2024 09:58

Kitfox88: Aug 21, 2007; Anybody lose their glasses?

titty_baby_ posted:

I would probably say thanks for the orange and eat it myself. Uh oh.

Nice to meet you Mr. Gacy.

DeeplyConcerned posted:

Get yourself someone who bites into the orange, skin and all, without breaking eye contact

Nice to meet you, Mr. Abbot.

# ? Jan 20, 2024 10:49

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Ragnarok the Red posted:

Probably should get gone with a quickness.

Is this the Kidz Bop version of �Down with the Sickness�?

# ? Jan 20, 2024 11:51

Buzzman: Feb 21, 2011

I cheated on my (M30) wife (F28) and now I don't know how to get her back to normal

quote:

My wife (together for 5+ year) was always afraid that I would cheat on her. Her father cheated on her mother all her life, with different women, sometimes with men. Her ex-boyfriend cheated on her and they broke up because of it.

I had never cheated on my wife before. I could see how she was worried about being cheated on. I thought her fears were unfounded, I thought I was "not that type of guy". And then I met a colleague at work with whom I developed a passion. It was one sex. Just one, in a bathroom stall at a corporate event. After that I told her that it would not happen again, that I loved my wife and that there was nothing between me and her.

I immediately confessed everything to my wife. She accepted it seemingly calmly. She didn't scream or cry, she listened to me and said, "Okay." She said she wanted to continue our relationship when I asked. But since then, she has been silent almost constantly. She stopped wearing makeup and wearing nice things. She spends almost all her time on the internet, on her laptop, and refuses to watch a movie with me or go out to dinner together. She doesn't cook anymore and only eats chips. If I cook, she won't touch the food.

She refuses to go to therapy and keeps saying everything is fine. But we don't have sex anymore, we don't kiss, we don't cuddle.

I prove every day that I will never cheat on her again. I text her every day from work and send her pictures so she can make sure I'm at work, I don't stay late at work anymore if I go somewhere, my phone is always in my hands so I can answer her call right away if she decides to make sure I'm not with another girl.

How can I fix this situation?

Reddit help!! I only had one sex :qq:

# ? Jan 20, 2024 12:20

Chewbecca: Feb 13, 2005; Just chillin' : )

A single sex, as a treat

# ? Jan 20, 2024 12:24

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

r/relationships: It was one sex. Just one

# ? Jan 20, 2024 12:25

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

FMguru posted:

Estranged Parent trying to climb back into their child's life

WIBTA to leave a note for my estranged daughter

Not sure what my favorite bit is: the cease-and-desist letter, the hiring of a PI, or the way OP nominally takes full responsibility and then repeatedly blames everything on his (now ex) wife.

I'm trying to imagine the reaction of the daughter, three years after going so no contact it required a PI to track her down, to receiving a handwritten letter left on her doorstep by her abusive, estranged father.

if your child wants no contact, hiring a PI to then find them is the surest way to ensure they will never ever EVER speak to you again

my mom lived in an apartment below my brother, they shared a house. dad decided he wanted to go after mom to cut off alimony, because he made the deal of paying it until they died or until she got married again, and he later regretted that deal. so he hired a PI to get proof she's dating someone and argued to the judge that if she has a boyfriend, she doesn't need alimony, which unfortunately worked.

but, the cost of this is that his oldest son will never speak to him again or even go to his funeral, because the way this went is the PI sat outside of their house in a car, just clearly HOVERING outside and taking pictures, watching them all. They called the cops because there's a man outside their home just watching them, and the cops said sorry we can't do anything, he's a PI in a spot he can legally be. dad and bro were already no-contact, but this turned it into, oh no, there will now never be contact, not even in the afterlife if that happens to exist. they are done for eternity. that's the level of sever that is at.

PIs aren't always some quietly invisible force, sometimes they are just creepy stalker assholes who terrify an entire family into thinking they're getting cased for a robbery.

StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 12:48 on Jan 20, 2024

# ? Jan 20, 2024 12:39

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

Buzzman posted:

I cheated on my (M30) wife (F28) and now I don't know how to get her back to normal

Reddit help!! I only had one sex

Get her a divorce that will cheer her up

# ? Jan 20, 2024 12:43

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

WIBTAH if I(21F) breakup with my boyfriend(22M) because he follows an influencer I do not like?

quote:

English is not my first language, so there may be mistakes.

So, my(21F) boyfriend (22M) is currently in a different continent and looking for work as I'm completing my college this year. We have been in a relationship for about a year now and we usually don't fight much. He graduated from my same college last year and I love him a lot, don't get me wrong. But he follows this bald influencer(used to follow actually, because the guy got banned on meta recently). And this influencer says stuff that objectify women and are in no way acceptable. My bf says he follows the guy only because he has a great backstory of how he overcame poverty and is successful now, and also because his views and takes on several controversial subjects are similar to how my boyfriend thinks.

Now here's the problem. I recently saw a video where this influencer says a man should have at least one mistress other than his wife and always keep his options open. He also went on to add that doesn't count as cheating and is something every man should be able to do. I was furious. I asked my bf and he said it's all a joke and he just says stuff like that to get media attention. He said all that stuff from the influencer doesn't affect him and he is only listening for the "inspiration"

WIBATH if I breakup with him just because he doesn't wanna stop listening to this guy?

quote:

Whenever I bring this up, like the charges on him, bf becomes defensive and says nothing has been proven, and there are a lot of conspiracy theories going on, so you just can't blame a person like that.

# ? Jan 20, 2024 12:46

PokeJoe: Aug 24, 2004; hail cgatan

Chewbecca posted:

A single sex, as a treat

# ? Jan 20, 2024 13:02

PokeJoe: Aug 24, 2004; hail cgatan

Mx. posted:

WIBTAH if I(21F) breakup with my boyfriend(22M) because he follows an influencer I do not like?

andrew taint

# ? Jan 20, 2024 13:04

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

andrew tate says one sex is ok

# ? Jan 20, 2024 13:16

Saint Isaias Boner: Jan 17, 2007; hi how are you ♥

StrangersInTheNight posted:

andrew tate says one sex is ok

# ? Jan 20, 2024 13:31

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003

Andrew Taint the sex wizard u say!? :allears:

# ? Jan 20, 2024 13:40

Halloween Jack: Sep 12, 2003; I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

The Lone Badger posted:

You should specify intact.

Who cares if the banana is circumcised?

# ? Jan 20, 2024 13:42

Blitter: Mar 16, 2011

PokeJoe posted:

The grapefruit test is also acceptable

Yup, just whip out a knife, cut off either end, find a baster or some appropriately sized object and go to town!

Preferably without breaking eye contact!

:nws:

https://youtu.be/nLTgWdXrx3U&t=2m50s :nws:

Forever ingrained in my brain.

# ? Jan 20, 2024 14:22

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

How did it end up like this?
(It was only one sex) It was only one sex

# ? Jan 20, 2024 14:42

EIDE Van Hagar: Dec 8, 2000; Beep Boop

Space Kablooey posted:

Is it normal for US men's restroom to not have divisions between urinals? The only place I've seen that didn't have them were pretty dingy places. Some of them over here even had shelves where they enclosed the urinals on three sides.

yeah long troughs or urinals without dividers are pretty common. you�re supposed to go in, take the spot right next to a stranger, then lean over and stage whisper �hey nice dick� so that anyone in a stall or washing their hands can hear and get a good chuckle out of it.

# ? Jan 20, 2024 14:55

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

EIDE Van Hagar posted:

yeah long troughs or urinals without dividers are pretty common. you’re supposed to go in, take the spot right next to a stranger, then lean over and stage whisper “hey nice dick” so that anyone in a stall or washing their hands can hear and get a good chuckle out of it.

i'm sorry, what? can you repeat that? I was watching the grapefruit video

Space Kablooey fucked around with this message at 15:10 on Jan 20, 2024

# ? Jan 20, 2024 15:02

Fatty: Sep 13, 2004; Not really fat

DeeplyConcerned posted:

Get yourself someone who bites into the orange, skin and all, without breaking eye contact

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bTXHk-y7Ek&t=410s

I'd probably let Steve Backshall eat my rear end tbh.

Fatty fucked around with this message at 15:37 on Jan 20, 2024

# ? Jan 20, 2024 15:29

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Mx. posted:

WIBTAH if I(21F) breakup with my boyfriend(22M) because he follows an influencer I do not like?

He said all that stuff from the influencer doesn't affect him and he is only listening for the "inspiration"

Listen, that stuff has no effect on me, it just gives me inspiration in my life. See, it means nothing.

Dude sounds like one of those people that listens to someone "ironically" for the laughs, but eventually starts believing what the person says unironically because while the influencer is funny and crazy, he does actually have some good ideas if you think about it...

# ? Jan 20, 2024 16:23

Desert Bus: May 9, 2004; Take 1 tablet by mouth daily.

limp_cheese posted:

Listen, that stuff has no effect on me, it just gives me inspiration in my life. See, it means nothing.

Dude sounds like one of those people that listens to someone "ironically" for the laughs, but eventually starts believing what the person says unironically because while the influencer is funny and crazy, he does actually have some good ideas if you think about it...

The Joe Rogan Effect

# ? Jan 20, 2024 16:38

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Mans can have little a sex, as a treat

# ? Jan 20, 2024 16:45

Benagain: Oct 10, 2007; Can you see that I am serious?; Fun Shoe

One (1) sex

# ? Jan 20, 2024 16:48

BrideOfUglycat: Oct 30, 2000

Buzzman posted:

I cheated on my (M30) wife (F28) and now I don't know how to get her back to normal

Reddit help!! I only had one sex

One day he's going to come home and find everything gone. "WHY DID SHE LEAVE ME?!"

# ? Jan 20, 2024 16:50

Crocobile: Dec 2, 2006

I mean I hope she goes to therapy. I�m hoping Reddit can push him to seek marriage counseling. It sounds like she needs someone to tell her she deserves better.

# ? Jan 20, 2024 16:58

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

My (29F) husband (30M) is becoming more and more feminine

quote:

I (29F) have been in a relationship with my husband (30M) for five years, married for one.

He always had some feminine hobbies/traits. For instance, he took ballet classes while he was in college (and was doing them at the time we met), he has always had plenty of female friends, and he worked for 3 years in an all-women workplace. Also, his best friend is gay and he sometimes goes out with him in a group to gay-bars and clubs.

I could accept all that and it didn�t bother me much, although I did worry in the first 2-3 months of dating that he might be closeted gay, those concerns quickly abated (I discovered he has a very high libido and is clearly attracted to me, and is turned off by guys).

But in the last year, he has had something of a transformation. He has grown his hair long, adopted a skin-care routine, he is dressing well and learning about colour matching, he has a hair-care routine that is more onerous than my own, he has gotten into �self care� including going to spas, massages, saunas and having regular baths with bath bombs.

Then, this week he got his ears pierced. I asked him why he would pierce his ears, and he said that he thought it looked good and he wanted to wear earrings. He is currently wearing small emerald green studs in each ear�

This is all very� feminine� and I�m starting to worry that there might be something else deeper going on here that could be bad for our relationship�

Has anyone ever encountered this before? Should talk to him about it and ask why he�s doing all this? Should I try to let it go?

TLDR husband is suddenly acting very feminine

Fellas, is it feminine to dress well and have good skin?

But in all seriousness, this man must have the cleanest rear end possible. Do not let go, op.

# ? Jan 20, 2024 17:44

AreWeDrunkYet: Jul 8, 2006

DemoneeHo posted:

My (29F) husband (30M) is becoming more and more feminine

Fellas, is it feminine to dress well and have good skin?

But in all seriousness, this man must have the cleanest rear end possible. Do not let go, op.

Some more sinister details about the husband:

quote:

Well I did ask him about some of it actually and he said:

Hair: he has always wanted to have long hair but couldn�t for his entire life due to school/work dress-codes. He is worried that he will start balding soon and sees the next couple of years as his �last chance� to try it out.

Skin: he got frightened by some sun-spots on his nose and so started using SPF daily, then one thing led to another and he fell down the rabbit hole of skin-care.

Haircare routine: he is worried that unless he keeps his hair healthy people will judge him as a messy man who has unkempt hair

Colour matching: he reckons his friends (mostly female�) used to poke fun at him for how he dressed. It caused him to try to learn about colour matching and how to dress himself.

Bath bombs/spas/saunas: he feels envious of the self-care culture he thinks exists amongst women, and he is envious of the sauna culture in Europe and Japan. He says he wants to be able to relax and unwind in the same ways.

quote:

I did forget to mention, this all coincided with him starting to go to the gym 3-5 days a week and tracking his diet really closely. He has basically gone from slightly chubby to �fit�. I obviously don�t mind that though! Quite happy with him working out. It�s the other things that bother me.

Concerning!

# ? Jan 20, 2024 17:50

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# ? May 14, 2024 10:56

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Dear reddit, I have a 99th percentile partner, how do I blow this up???

# ? Jan 20, 2024 18:03

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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