LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

this is adorable.


I read the books as a way to bond/have something in common with my younger sisters and the leads' mutual fixation on each other would be insanely unhealthy IRL but (and maybe I wouldn't feel the same if I re-read them critically now as an adult) it always just read to me like normal dumb pre-teen girl wish fulfillment. It just happened to blow up huge. There are so so so many romance movies/raunchy romcoms/whatever where the male lead is at least as weird/creepy/obsessed as Edward was with Bella but nobody has ever sparked a huge furor over those

Facebook Aunt posted:

Yeah I read a lot of Piers Anthony as kid and it seemed fine. As a 14 year old girl reading about some grown rear end man having a relationship with a 14 year old girl seemed fine. The several stories where a kid is the instigator and likes having a sexual relationship with a grown man didn't raise any red flags. Who wouldn't want a wealthy boyfriend who is a wizard or a space tyrant or whatever?

It's only looking back that I think those were really weird books to have in the school library.

sunken fleet posted:

I can say pretty confidently that Twilight isn't actually bad at all.

Facebook Aunt posted:

Yeah I read a lot of Piers Anthony as kid and it seemed fine. As a 14 year old girl reading about some grown rear end man having a relationship with a 14 year old girl seemed fine. The several stories where a kid is the instigator and likes having a sexual relationship with a grown man didn't raise any red flags. Who wouldn't want a wealthy boyfriend who is a wizard or a space tyrant or whatever?

It's only looking back that I think those were really weird books to have in the school library.

Sulla Faex posted:

i thought tarantino had a foot thing because he's ethnically half-foot?

TheMaskedUgly posted:

The hunky werewolf, after failing to get between the teenaged lead and her 1000 year old rapist, explicitly diverts his romantic interest to their recently born baby; with full support of the family

sunken fleet posted:

meh I could give you a dozen similar examples from a dozen other YA book series that released in the same decade as Twlight that no one in the whole world gives a poo poo about. The only reason you and everyone else has a whole playbook of all the "terrible" things in the Twilight series is to give a weak rear end justification for their irrational hatred of A Popular Thing for Girls.

sunken fleet posted:

Facebook Aunt posted:

Yeah I read a lot of Piers Anthony as kid and it seemed fine. As a 14 year old girl reading about some grown rear end man having a relationship with a 14 year old girl seemed fine. The several stories where a kid is the instigator and likes having a sexual relationship with a grown man didn't raise any red flags. Who wouldn't want a wealthy boyfriend who is a wizard or a space tyrant or whatever?

It's only looking back that I think those were really weird books to have in the school library.

Sulla Faex posted:

i thought tarantino had a foot thing because he's ethnically half-foot?

theflyingorc posted:

People are critical of things that they've heard of, you say????

They were very bad AND very popular. We don't criticize bad things nobody is reading, you're correct.

EtchaSketch posted:

She actually left me back in September over the stress related to the other bad poo poo I used to do. She got sick of me having to sweep my car with a mirror looking for bombs while she waited inside for me to give her the signal that I was satisfied my car was safe to approach. I've pissed off some people over the years. I'd marry the girl in a second if she gave me the option and I'd rather have risked my own safety to die with a smile on my face than live with a frown. It sounds melodramatic but it's loving true, when she left me I lost the reason I hung on to life so hard and she took the dog with her. That dog was my baby.

I haven't done coke since October 10th at 7:57pm, the time I did the lines that led me to locking her in the bathroom.

I figure I'll be in love with her until I either get her back or meet someone else who makes me feel the same way.

People who hear I paid for her college and that she left me afterwards always want to criticize her, but knowing what I know about how it went down, and knowing what she knows about what I've done to support us, I can't blame her. Every time someone wants to say she used me, I want to put them in a coma, that girl put up with my poo poo to her breaking point; it broke up our little family. If I could figure out a way to have changed anything while still being able to provide for both of us and support her through getting a dual major and the first half of grad school, I would wish I'd done that.

I still love her so much I'd rather she be happy with someone else than unhappy with me, but I'd absolutely prefer to find a way she could be happy to be with me again.

One More Fat Nerd posted:

the teen sewer gangbang honestly didnt throw up a single red flag.

Fatty Crabcakes posted:

making GBS threads in your guacamole turns it brown faster.

CannonFodder posted:

You're just jealous you will never have a love as pure and all consuming as Tarantino has for feet.

Sulla Faex posted:

i thought tarantino had a foot thing because he's ethnically half-foot?

Hirayuki posted:

This would explain a lot about his looks.

sunken fleet posted:

i mean idk dude do you honestly feel like there is a comparable level of criticism leveled at Twilight compared to other things from similar genres and similar levels of popularity? Because I don't feel like there is.

haveblue posted:

Does anyone have the quote collection from a previous GDQ event where it's a glitch-exploiting speedrun of the life of Jesus?

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

to derail the Twilight derail, 50 Shades started off as literal Twilight fanfiction, and the only reason it succeeded as a published book is because newspapers whole-cloth published a press release from the publisher's marketing agent claiming "MOMS are reading PORN?!" Like it was some kind of novelty.

AngryRobotsInc posted:

It was amazing because I used to read romance novels as basically "weekend fluff reading", and no one realized moms had been reading porn for aaaaaages.

Paladinus posted:

My mum doesn't read this stuff. She never even had sex, I'm pretty sure.

Disgusting Coward posted:

Writing snotty letters to teachers should only be allowed if it's done in the style of a 1980s pro wrestling promo.


WELL LET ME TELL YOU DR. BUSSIERE, YA DAMNED PENCIL-NECK MAGGOT, YA MAKE ME WANNA PUKE WITH THE CRAP YOU WERE TALKIN' ON MONDAY NIGHT BLACKBOARD. YOU DARE STEP INTO THE REALM OF DISGUSTING COWARD, THE MOST ELECTRIFYING STUDENT IN THE HISTORY OF PHILOSOPHY OF SCIENCE, AND YOU DARE SHOW ME THE DISRESPECT OF SAYIN' THAT I AIN'T UP TO THE CHALLENGE OF YOUR FEEBLE STATISTICAL HYPOTHESIS TESTING EXAM? IF I DIDN'T WANT TO REACH OUT AND CHOKE THE LIFE FROM YOUR FRAIL BODY IT WOULD MAKE ME LAUGH! HOUR AFTER HOUR, DAY AFTER DAY, I BATTLED, AND I STRIVED. I DIDN'T BACK DOWN, I JUST KEPT LABOURING ON, MY THIRTY INCH PYTHONS STRAINING AS I STUDIED, WHILE YOU STRUTTED AROUND, A PAPER CHAMPION, INSISTIN' THAT "I CAN'T TEACH THIS". "WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD" YOU SAID. "REAL WORLD" PUNK IS WHERE I'M FROM. HARDCORE RULES, 24/7. I'M NO MAT TECHNICIAN, I AIN'T BEEN TO NO FANCY PANTS DANDY SCHOOL OF HARD STATS LIKE YOUR MOBY-LOOKIN' CARCASS, BUT I AM THE TOUGHEST DAMNED S.O.B IN THE HISTORY OF COGITATION AND I GOT 89% IN YOUR PANTYWAIST TEST, NO GODDAMNED THANKS TO YOU. SO YOU WANNA SPIT IN THE COWARD'S EYE, CLAIM MY NEGATIVE FEEDBACK WAS BECAUSE I AM ENTITLED, AND BECAUSE I'M BITTER THAT I'M NOT YET THE CHAMP? HA!

HA!

SO ENJOY YOUR LIFE, DR. BUSSIERE. CAUSE WHEN WE MEET, MAY 30TH, AT STIRLING UNIVERSITY'S EXPLOSIVE FINAL EXAM, IN FRONT OF 40,000 SCREAMING COWARDMANIACS WE'LL SEE. I WILL BECOME THE "A IN STATISTICS" GUY AND I WILL LEAVE YOU A FEEDBACK YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA WALK AWAY FROM. OHHHHH YEAH.

haveblue posted:

Does anyone have the quote collection from a previous GDQ event where it's a glitch-exploiting speedrun of the life of Jesus?

loquacius posted:

The Garden of Eden zone is just overloaded with exposition cutscenes and drawn-out tutorials, but we don't have time for that, so we're gonna just snatch one of these Knowledge fruits here. They're hard-coded so that our human characters can't touch them until we pass every single tutorial, but there's a loophole if we find one... specific... animal NPC... yep, there's our friend the snake. (CROWD: SNAAAAAAAAKE)

Kikas posted:

*muffled SpikeVetega in the distance* SNAKE HOIPE

Majuju posted:

"ooh, ouch, lot's wife with a sub-optimal strat has soft-locked the game now"

Kikas posted:

"in a regular playthrough you're stuck in this very slow animation for this whole long walk here, lugging this thing around, right? However, we can still spin and the physics get a bit wonky when we spin. There's also this dude he's on a cycle, but if he crosses my path just now... there we go, we offload the cross to Simon of Cyrene"
couch "YEAH GET HYPE FOR SIMONSKIP"

Kikas posted:

"right, remember Lazarus? We've met him before and haven't seen him for a while, so here's the ending to his quest. However, since we did the glitch at Kana Wedding, this is gonna be something different. Now see everyone is coming to us with like 'oh Lazarus is dead why did you miss this' and this is supposed to be a funeral scene, but with the glitch we can... just... do this... okay see his tomb is openable with this small clip and see - there's Lazarus, all alive and well. However this messed up the AI and as you can see everyone in the town is now t-posing"
*crowd goes wild*

Majuju posted:

"okay we're coming up on it, let's close the donation incentive, gonna need that word now."

"ooookay, the winner of the donation incentive, 'what curse to yell at the fig tree', with $3120 dollars, is 'MYDUDE'"

<polite clapping>

Popoi posted:

"Thanks to a last minute donation, the winner of the Passover release incentive is: Barabas"

Kikas posted:

I DONATED FOR LUNK

Ursine Catastrophe posted:

So I know most of you wouldn't do this on a casual playthrough, but since this is a speedrun we're absolutely just going to choose to shove our daughters out the door instead of the visitors

dotfivenine posted:

"Alright so typically we'd have to concieve a child the old fashioned way, but to keep this sfw and to save frames, we're gonna clip into Mary and just trigger the pregnant flag"

Evil Badman posted:

"Eve's naked here because clothing affects your run cycles."

Evil Badman posted:

"poo poo, well, I missed the jump...so here's a three day unskippable cutscence. We have time for donations."

Evil Badman posted:

"So you may be asking why we're just punching this NPC endlessly, and in most speedruns, this is a positioning trick. In this run, we're try to get them to turn against God."

Ursine Catastrophe posted:

Normally we'd have to play through a full courtship and wedding questline, but we actually found out last week that if you get Lot drunk here, you can actually just skip like all of that and shave off months of game time

Majuju posted:

"now, all these locusts, you can see, they're really lagging things out. luckily we'll be through this section soon. coming up, you can see why we picked 'secondborn' at character creation"

Majuju posted:

"right, so that's the item duplication glitch, now we have enough loaves and fishes to feed everyone, and we can move on to the next checkpoint"

Octatonic posted:

"okay, so we've successfully bound isaac, but pay attention to the way we approach the altar. As you can see, the questlog has updated - we've successfully proved our devotion. The game's a bit confused, and you can see that even though we've gone all the way up to through sacrifice, our son is still alive"

Kikas posted:

"Now that we have exactly two of every animal in the game, we approach the ark a very specific way to cause a small glitch... wait this is frame perfect, gonna take a couple of tries... one more... okay that's it, now we've caused an underflow error and the whole world is underwater"

Majuju posted:

"so if you're playing casually you have to do, like, twenty separate begats here, takes a while. we've decided to save time, and since this is a TAS, we can manipulate the game code in a very particular way using graven idol placement to just get them all over at once. those of you with small children or weak stomachs may want to look away."

SeXReX posted:

And on the 7th split god looked down at his time and was pleased for it was good

loquacius posted:

Ahhhh, dammit, looks like Delilah got us with her scissors. We don't have to eat a death here, but the debuff this applies is one of the only things that can take down the Samson character, and he's no longer overpowered. Luckily there's a backup strat once we hit Jericho.

parabolic posted:

Now, in a casual playthrough you might miss the rear end jawbone item, as its stats look like garbage at first glance, but it has a massive damage buff against Philistines that will be super useful during the Samson levels.

Kikas posted:

"So one of the things i can do to make this unskippable segment fun is to look around in my party inventories and look - we haven't found an explanation for this yet so if one of the devs wants to shed some light on this it would be awesome - where did Judas get 30 silver coins?"

Queen Combat posted:

Now, because we skipped resource gathering earlier, this section where we have to feed this crowd is usually an insta-fail. However, if we take these two loaves of bread and try to put them in the same table slot, it causes a buffer overflow and we end up with infinite loaves.

dotfivenine posted:

This also causes the next slot over to corrupt the memory, and fill our inventory with the next item in the table, which happens to be Fish! So we're able to complete this quest almost instantly.

Nep-Nep posted:

"Alright we're coming up on the late part of the run, this bit's an autoscroller so there's nothing I can do to make it faster but check out this crazy glitch, by doing these inputs at just the right moment a large section of the NPC population has spontaneously floated off into the sky. They won't be back."

JethroMcB posted:

"Now, you're supposed to use 4 nails here, but as you'll remember, because we zipped from the Garden to Golgotha and skipped the first 10 stations, we've only picked up 3. Luckily, the animation means the legs will clip through each other onnnnnnnnnn...that frame."

Vapor Moon posted:

"Okay so if we unequip the rock on the same frame we shoot the game glitches out and thinks we threw infinite stones at once and we just one shot goliath"

Ursine Catastrophe posted:

So right here normally we'd have to get on the boat first, then worry about prayer upkeep once the boat sidequest is done, but we actually found a glitch that lets us start the boat sidequest, pray, and then just walk right out to the boat cutscene already in progress, and it has the hilarious side effect of confusing the NPC AI so that they start trying to get into a dialogue with us and-- yep, there he goes, looks like Peter's having some trouble swimming there <crowd laughs and applauds>

Ravus posted:

"Only 6 days to make the earth? BETTER HOB SLIDE"

loquacius posted:

We need to get Solomon to level 7, so I'm just gonna grind out a few dispute sidequests. Looks like first up is... baby! Excellent RNG, the baby sidequest can be glitched out to earn double rewards because they forgot to turn off the baby's Destructible flag.

JethroMcB posted:

"So now that we've clipped through the stone, we're OOB for the rest of the run. Because of the way the map is laid out, you can just push through this wall...and we're suddenly back in Jerusalem, in the Upper Room with our party. They're not going to notice me being here because everything's still on a timer before the next cutscene triggers, but we can go ahead and clip ourselves through Thomas. That allows us to bypass his sidequest later on."

Bruceski posted:

Normally there's a big fight here against Pharoh's army, it'd be pretty slow but fortunately this time the escort quest works in our favor. We can trick the code into thinking we've skipped that and so everyone starts moving forward. It looks like they're gonna drown but keep an eye at Nahshon in the lead there. He's not flagged right for water interaction so when he gets fully under... BAM the water just gets out of his way and everyone can cross. We call that the Yam Suph Clip.

publishko posted:

We have to die here intentionally. It normally takes a long time but we want to go fast so we're gonna agro this guard. Yep there he goes, attacking us with his lance.

Sulla Faex posted:

i thought tarantino had a foot thing because he's ethnically half-foot?

D-Pad posted:

Nah, he's got flinstone dick. You gotta use your feet to get it to work.

D-Pad posted:

Nah, he's got flinstone dick. You gotta use your feet to get it to work.

Paladinus posted:

YA fiction is a bad genre conceptually.