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sbaldrick posted:No, the cards have no value on them, they are stupid things we printed inhouse. My company allows managers to give out up to $100 general gift cards as a sign of appreciation that are redeemable at places like K-Mart, American Airlines, and Applebee's. It sounds nice except that they're treated as taxable income so if you're not a big fan of Red Lobster you're basically given a $30 tax increase.
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Jun 15, 2015 18:52
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"Executive presence" means coming off like an executive. If you meet a person in the office for the first time you'll generally form a quick impression based on how they carry themselves, talk, act, etc. By acting like an executive, people will assume you're more trustworthy and ready for higher levels of responsibility. By saying that you need more executive presence your boss probably means that you're coming off as not confident or not sufficiently formal.
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Jul 2, 2015 23:38
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Discendo Vox posted:Most tests of this sort are like Tarot readings- they're designed to make you feel like the results are accurate no matter what you get, due to attribution bias. I want to start up an HR consulting company consisting entirely of mediums and fortune tellers. "I'm sensing unhappiness from ... I'm getting an ... F ... " "Frank in accounting? Yes! He's totally gloomy all the time!"
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Jul 25, 2015 21:23
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Lowly posted:So my company sent out a contract last week for everyone to sign all of the sudden. It's a contract they SHOULD have had everyone sign when they were hired - a confidentiality agreement and invention assignment. Since they didn't, however, they are telling everyone the effective date of their contract should be the date they were hired, which for me is more than 5 years ago. I did a bit of work for a company that wanted me to sign a non-compete contract that would apply to all their clients, ranging from 5 years before I started to I think 1-2 years after I left, whether or not I worked with the client, including prospective clients that we didn't sign. The contract had a stipulation that if the above wasn't enforceable, the maximum enforceable language would go into effect.
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Aug 10, 2015 17:48
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BigPaddy posted:So shitheads it was your fault for letting it get this way and signing a contract that allowed them to deliver poo poo and get paid before peacing out, the PMs fault for accepting poo poo in the first place, the end users fault for pushing for this firm to do the work because we had no internal resource to do it. You can all go choke on a dick. The day my EAD arrives and I can leave this modern day indentured servitude will be a happy one. If you can't be part of the solution, be part of the problem. Not as satisfying but significantly less stressful!
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Aug 10, 2015 17:48
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I'd claim the project hinges on several 'critical decision points' that rely on people that aren't on point for the project and ideally aren't responsive. Email an onerous request to each of these people, cc a few other folks from your project, then claim you can't move forward with your own work since you haven't heard back yet on those critical decision points. This allows you to slack off while conveniently transferring blame.
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Nov 9, 2015 18:48
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Sundae posted:"Can you please do the needful and..." Whenever I read "do the needful" I imagine a 90's dance video
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Dec 8, 2015 20:59
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namaste faggots posted:Also, let's not forget to throw "takeaway" on to the pyre of "business" "English". Yesterday I ordered takeaway Chinese
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Jun 23, 2016 15:20
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Volmarias posted:Somewhere in the distance, a lawyer feels a tiny ripple of unexplainable orgasmic pleasure as The Sean's boss opens her mouth to speak Legal action at a distance
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Jul 14, 2016 20:22
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WampaLord posted:I hope you're already looking for a new job. Getting your pay cut by 20% is a loving red flag. My understanding is that you can refuse to let them cut your salary so they can either keep paying you like before or fire you without cause (so you can get unemployment). However I have never tried this and am not a lawyer.
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Aug 18, 2016 20:29
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Sundae posted:"By your decision to report to work following this notification, you indicate your acceptance to the new terms of your employment and compensation..." This is certainly anecdotal but my father was working from home 3 out of 5 days a week (driving to the office 2 hours each way the other 2 days) monitoring server function/internet speeds for a financial company. They wanted him to quit to hire someone cheaper so they asked him to start reporting in 5 days a week. He said no. They asked if he was quitting, he also said no and that they had a tacit agreement that he could work from home most of the week. They ended up laying him off with severance and he also drew unemployment, which is awesome given that he was over 65 when he was laid off. That said, I just googled it and it seems like it's state by state - employers can often cut your salary by a "reasonable" amount and you can't even refuse / collect unemployment. Wow.
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Aug 19, 2016 01:03
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Friday - Our VP sends an email informing us of the resignation of Senior Director A Wednesday 10:42 am - Director B reporting to Senior Director A sends an email promoting a direct report to Manager Wednesday 11:18 am - Senior Director A sends out an email that Director B has resigned FREEEEEEFALLLLLL
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Sep 14, 2016 19:39
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Tomfoolery posted:Friday - Our VP sends an email informing us of the resignation of Senior Director A Update: Senior Director A's boss's (Vice President A) job was "eliminated due to restructuring" Senior Director A un-resigned and given Vice President role "due to restructuring" Director B un-resigned Tomfoolery fucked around with this message at 02:13 on Nov 16, 2016 |
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Nov 16, 2016 02:09
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Rotten Red Rod posted:I just recently left a job of 6 years because I finally got sick of my bosses abusive poo poo (I was on the way out anyway, moving to another city). Oh man, do I have stories. Some of them are rather general stuff - annoying habits he had, general entitlement and lack of empathy etc., but some of the specific stories are just... Well, here's my "favorite" one. Please post a bunch of additional stories to this thread on the morning of December 25th for me to read during Christmas day
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Dec 21, 2016 20:14
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Trabant posted:I'd give these out to friends and coworkers but it would get expensive in a hurry: You can buy custom ribbons in bulk (100+) for about 50 cents each. Yes I'm seriously considering spending $50 on REPLIED ALL ribbons
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Jan 20, 2017 19:56
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Fil5000 posted:Unless you're writing a poem or song and it needs more syllables to scan properly. At my onboarding for my first job, the HR lady said "behoove" like 4-5 times and it was awkward.
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Feb 16, 2017 15:49
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darthbob88 posted:I suppose you can just slap a "{number}" tag on each of those elements, so you can get your "three mustard two apple nineteen ketchup <blank> pork panini". Might as well go all-out with prefixes and suffixes! Heavenly pork panini of the whale Emerald pickle of slaughter
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Apr 13, 2017 16:36
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therobit posted:Once upon a time, before my office was taken away from my department and given to a different department, they catered lunch for us. Panda Express cooks its food in the authentic Californian tradition.
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Jun 15, 2017 16:06
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At my last job we had a relatively promising candidate who was doing fine in interviews until he called my boss's boss "buddy" which got him nixed right there.
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Aug 14, 2017 15:27
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Fil5000 posted:Whatever, guy. I can only assume it brings you joy to be deliberately abrasive to people that don't meet your standards, so have at it. Because at this point it can't be that you don't realise you're being an arsehole, you've been told by enough people. When John Smith tries to pull you into an internet debate, 
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Sep 13, 2017 15:07
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I've worked at over 10 financial institutions, leading to a bottom line impact of over $5M
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Sep 13, 2017 15:33
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I had a boss who had his diploma on his wall ... from his middle school. He was a cool guy. I think he majored in handwriting and sharing. One of my goals in life if I have too much time/money is to pass the bar in a country that doesn't require law school before the exam, so that I can put 'esquire' in my email signature.
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Oct 13, 2017 15:10
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spog posted:I would suggest that what you need to do is have a private meeting with Another Director. This can come off as combative. If you want to seem like a team player, send an email to your director (cc:ing anyone he might whine to) with a list of your current tasks and the time required to do each correctly. Then ask him which of those you should do in the time you have available (40 hrs/week or whatever is common in the UK). That way, he either doesn't respond to your email (in which case you can follow up with him a couple times by email before going over his head for direction), tells YOU what projects you don't have to do, or explicitly tells you to either work more than is legal or instructs you to half-rear end your work. In any case, you'll have your rear end covered and don't need to directly refuse to do anything. I fully agree you should never half-rear end anything.
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Oct 22, 2017 22:05
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Make sure not to show teeth when you smile. DEFINITELY don't pound your chest.
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Nov 3, 2017 18:50
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Mokelumne Trekka posted:I'm starting to think there is a scheme to cut staff in half by combining two departments here. Babies will take building blocks and repeatedly smash them together. Hope this helps. God bless.
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Dec 2, 2017 03:54
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I think I might've posted this earlier but my old consulting company did a food drive for Black History Month
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Dec 11, 2017 21:23
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Renegret posted:Woah look at this amazing dog everyone please ignore the post directly above mine. https://www.petboardinganddaycare.com/archive/back_issues/volume4edition4/article10.html quote:Are you tired of staff drama? Does all your time seem to be spent resolving staff issues? If your answer is yes, then this article is for you. On the one hand "working like a dog" is a bad thing but on the other hand people treat dogs better than people, and the advice isn't horrible.
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Jan 4, 2018 16:20
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Donald Trump has successfully managed to run the White House like a business - the WH struggled for 22 minutes to mute a conference call line with reporters quote:"This White House can't even run a f***ing conference call. They don't know how to mute their line," a media participant said. Also apparently Trump doesn't use email . Not sure if he asks his staff to print out emails but he actually dictates a bunch of his tweets: quote:Trump did tell CNN's Anderson Cooper that he "writes" his own tweets.
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Jan 15, 2018 20:47
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My brother recently quit his job. His boss said that he deeply inconvenienced her by quitting in the afternoon rather than that morning. Also she got angry he cc:ed HR in his notice email.
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Jan 24, 2018 19:29
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At any consulting or healthcare job if you have a baby face you need a beard or goatee. Due to this I've been in large-ish meetings where the majority of <35 year old males had goatees. I've been denied promotions because I don't have "executive presence" which is pretty much code for "you should look older"
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Feb 6, 2018 20:31
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crazypeltast52 posted:.45s for the same reason! I was going to say that guns can't shoot in space because there's no oxygen, but apparently modern bullets contain their own oxidizer. The things you learn!
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Mar 22, 2018 16:23
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Large employers are generally self-insured which means they pay all employee health care costs themselves (the insurance company charges a flat amount per person per year in fees and routes all costs to the employer). That means they're generally the most interested in reducing those costs and often have pushed insurance companies to up their game in terms of wellness/etc. Not only do employers pay for health care costs but their drones lose productivity due to sick days, leaving the office for doctor's visits, and simply working more slowly while sick so they do what they can to keep their worker cogs in good shape. That's why employers were the first to explore the legality of firing people who smoke cigarettes.
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Jun 25, 2018 03:27
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Blindeye posted:Crosspost from the Trump thread, but holy hell is this bad: "I'm coming in early tomorrow! ... to my new job, FYI I quit effective immediately" The longer I work in corporate the more I subscribe to the Cobra Kai management philosophy. STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY Edit for first page content: we did some work for a hospital that doesn't collect a large portion of the money they're owed by insurance companies (like, their uncollected $$ is 3x the average). The people in charge of that collection kept trying to get me to either not tell anybody, or phrase it in a way that doesn't sound bad. They also withheld information from me that their staff had already pulled. Blaaaaah Tomfoolery fucked around with this message at 14:39 on Aug 2, 2018 |
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Aug 2, 2018 14:34
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I'm a big fan of telling everyone loudly about any medical issue that you/your family has in graphic detail. If you have a dog or baby, let everybody know if his poops aren't standard consistency and color.
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Aug 7, 2018 16:30
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Boiled Water posted:Being offered a half time contract and asked to not work the other half of your working hours is pretty lovely. I also wonder if it's enforceable. I'm not sure the difference between this and requiring that your employees don't have premarital sex. It's probably a lovely employer but if the job is in Norway and they have nice employee protections you might be able to just get a second job anyways since they can't make up a dumb excuse to fire you.
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Aug 16, 2018 14:49
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Renegret posted:
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Sep 11, 2018 14:58
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Sydin posted:Ignore list exists for a reason folks, please stop responding to him. Tell her to pick up your paycheck shredding instructions that you will leave for her on your desk every other week
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Sep 14, 2018 18:24
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I heard somebody say that Toyota used to do their analysis with chalk on blackboards so anybody who asks for IT budget is just a whiney executive who doesn't want to do real work.
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Oct 11, 2018 19:21
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MickeyFinn posted:I just started a new job a long way from home and it is extremely obvious that the previous occupants were smokers. When I come in to the office my eyes catch fire and the headaches begin, especially Mondays when my office has been shut up for 2-3 days. Has anyone done the "you have to clean, repaint, change out the ceiling and refurnish my office or move me" request at work? This is not an invitation to rehash the "smoker vs non-smokers" debate. Fart more often with your door closed to replace the cigarette smell. Bonus: fewer people bother you in your office.
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Nov 6, 2018 15:58
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Renegret posted:Management here is so narrow minded and short sighted, that every single group in engineering has nicknamed the conference room nearest them "The War Room". They're also not smart enough or have enough critical thinking skills to realize that they're all different War Rooms. Every single time a systems person says on a conference that they're going to the war room, I have to explain to my boss that no, he's not going to hijack our war room, he has his own. As we learn from Xeno's parable of Achilles and the turtle, distance and time are meaningless. So isn't, in a sense, every conference room the war room? And isn't it, always, happy hour?
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Nov 28, 2018 17:07
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