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Hungry Squirrel posted:My kid is 4. She is already picking up some bad habits that I don't know how to break, but I do know that they're probably the result of bad parenting on my part. Kid is 4. 4 is hard. Reward good behavior, don't reward bad behavior. Learn how to present a false choice, do you want the "blue one, or the red one", rather than "what do you want" or "do you want this or not?" or an ultimatum. You don't need to tiger-mom/dad the kid into practicing much of anything at 4. Do things that are fun until they aren't fun anymore, and then give it a break. Keep yourself sane and even-keeled. Watching you freak out about defiance is very rewarding and stimulating for children. So don't do it. Kid will eventually be 5, and will have a whole new set of tricks up her sleeve. You will not look back on year 4 as the year it all went wrong. Slo-Tek fucked around with this message at 23:04 on Feb 18, 2015 |
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Feb 18, 2015 23:02
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ActusRhesus posted:Uh...That seems pretty normal for five. Hell, even older. When the teachers call your kid out, it is a useful wakeup call. My kid was high spirited and enthusiastic and by our family standards a normal 5 year old. But we are used to that sort of thing, and have lots and lots of options, and no curriculum to get through. When he started going to school, he started getting in trouble. Now, we can argue till we are blue in the face about what a good boy he is, and investigate montessori alternatives, and whatever else. But the fact remains, compared to his peers, he was spending a disproportionate amount of time in the principals office. Being in trouble almost every day, for weeks, then months is hard on a little kid. It is _bad_ for them. It is bad for their families as well, because schools are excellent at collective punishment, and making sure that if your little dickens is in trouble, you are in trouble too. If all the trouble you both are in is a "maybe go get evaluated" then maybe go get evaluated. Read an ADHD book or three, and discuss theory and practice with the little dickens, get more AM exercise, and eat better, good ideas anyway. If that does the trick, job done. However, if you are still in trouble, and your smart-as-gently caress kid starts worrying that nobody likes him and isn't completing the work assigned, then making them wait till an arbitrary age cutoff before investigating drugs is pointless and damaging. First week my kid was on ADHD meds was the first week in his entire academic career that he came home with an all-green behavior chart. Then that turned into the first month. And that made him a lot happier to go to school, and his classmates and teacher lot happier to see him. If drugs help, then there aren't a lot of very good arguments against them. In terms of getting useful results quickly, they are hard to beat, and making a kid stay in trouble every day until they are 7 years or 70 pounds is some arbitrary and cruel bullshit. Suppressed appetite and insomnia is a hell of a lot better than being the class fuckup. And, it isn't like the meds last very long, so by the time he gets off the bus, he is chemically unaltered and ready to high-spirit and enthuse the poo poo out of everything where he isn't disrupting 30 other kids math class. Slo-Tek fucked around with this message at 02:25 on Feb 22, 2015 |
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Feb 22, 2015 02:20
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ActusRhesus posted:Maybe primary school teachers should stop treating little boys like defective girls. At five there is a marked difference between boy and girl maturity and behavior. Why should they rush to label their kid with a behavioral disorder? In my experience, it is a hell of a lot better for my kid to not be in trouble all the time than it is for me to be the most righteous in the facebook mommy group. You seem to be under the impression that being 'labeled' as taking medication is worse than being 'labeled' with a poor grade, and damaged social prospects, and not being invited to the gifted programs. Kids and adults both know and reinforce who the fuckups are, and it is very much worth doing what it takes to get out from under enough that there is some other kid in your class that can snatch the fuckup title. If you aren't getting clobbered in conduct, if there is some other kid in your class who is constantly down the principals office, then you probably don't have to worry too much about it. My advice to people with kids who find themselves in trouble is to do what it takes to get them out. Not leave them in trouble every day, establishing a reputation and a self-image as a fuckup, in the second grade, to reinforce their own self-image as better-than as an adult. Slo-Tek fucked around with this message at 03:16 on Feb 22, 2015 |
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Feb 22, 2015 03:04
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Axiem posted:Oh cool, a bunch of posts in the Parenting Thread. Man, I know we're on the "no-tantrums" edition, so people aren't having petty semantics arguments and lots of ad hominem attacks, like what got the last thread shut down. There must be some really cool things people are talking about! It gets tons better. How old is the big kid? You can get a surprising amount of work out of a 6 year old, they can put away dishes, switch laundry, feed themselves (wouldn't count on good decisionmaking here, but they won't starve), clean their rooms, all kinds of stuff, so don't be shy about delegating. Giving kids real responsibilities around the house makes them feel happy and productive, and keeps them out from under when you are taking care of the small one. Also, the sooner your kid can read, the less minute-to-minute attention they need, so that helps a ton as well. I feel like 2 kids has been less effort than one pretty much from potty-trained on, because they can amuse (and enforce, and rat on) each other. Helps to have them close enough together that you can put them in the same activities though. at 7 and 10 mine can be in the same robots league, and same soccer league (different teams, but same meeting dates and locations), and can both be dropped off at the skating rink when I go to the gym, and so on. This may fall apart when I've got a 10 and 13 year old, but right now they have similar enough interests and capabilities that there are a lot of things they can do together, which saves a lot of driving/planning. Slo-Tek fucked around with this message at 04:10 on Feb 24, 2015 |
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Feb 24, 2015 04:07
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I call my kids Young Rob, and G-man. Because I never got a cool street name as a kid. School calls them Robbie and Alex (Gus appears to have ended up a home-only name in spite of there being 3 other Alexes in his class)
Slo-Tek fucked around with this message at 00:11 on Mar 29, 2015 |
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Mar 29, 2015 00:09
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In terms of rationale, my people just get family names. Young Rob is the 5th of his name. Alexander August is named after other grandfathers.
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Mar 29, 2015 19:10
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I'm really looking forward to biking with my 6th grade kid to school next year. New school has nice wide bike-lanes and well signaled intersections the whole way and is only 2 miles away. Figure I'll ride with him to school most mornings while the weather is fit, get him some bloodflow in the morning, and then count on him to find his own way home. They split the grades up kid of weird here. k-2 and 3-5 and 6-8 and Highschool is 9-12. HS is also on a bike trail, but he is on his own for that poo poo, since HS classes start at 7:20 in the goddamn morning (and bus pickup is closer to 6am) in order to preserve the profitability of the school bus contractor. Whenever anybody says "hey, the science says that rolling teenagers out of bed at rear end in the morning is bad for health and test scores" they respond "Oh?! Would you rather have your KINDERGARTNERS FREEZING TO DEATH IN THE DARK?! Because That is what you get if highschool starts at 9am". The prospect of getting enough school busses to move children to and from school in a timely manner is not to be considered.
Slo-Tek fucked around with this message at 00:27 on Apr 9, 2015 |
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Apr 9, 2015 00:22
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AlistairCookie posted:
We don't eat people because it vectors Kuru. Prion encephalopathy ain't nothin to mess with. You don't want the proteins in your brain folded wrong, do you? Because That is how you get misfolded proteins in your brain. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kuru_%28disease%29
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Apr 9, 2015 21:43
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frenchnewwave posted:Hehe, this. Random things around the house become toys. We had a million books, too. I'd go for A) an electric toothbrush, does a better job in the limited time allotted (plus has a timer to say when is enough) B) let the kid pick out their own toothpaste/toothbrush. Any time you let a kid pick out their own -whatever- they are more likely to buy into it. The downside to this is that now there is going to be bubblegum-sparkle flavored toothpaste in your bathroom, just waiting for an inattentive or still-sleepy parent to apply to their own toothbrush. I would rather brush my teeth with diaper cream than bubblegum toothpaste. 3) maybe look for a toothpaste that doesn't have SLS or other foaming agents in them? Doesn't make a different to how clean things get, and the foamy-mouth thing might be putting her off as well.
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May 7, 2015 02:26
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sullat posted:I'll be doing the SAHD thing for a few months while we get a new daycare. Last time I did this, the oldest was 1, now he's almost 4. And the youngest is 2. So this time will be very different. Museums, zoos, liquor stores, auto parts stores, and nature areas. Good for kids of all ages. I kind of miss answering "and what is _this_ one!?" questions for a 3 year old in a hardware store. Been awhile since my expertise was quite as in-demand and unquestioned. Lots of museums have toddler areas that you can park them and read your phone for 45 minutes with the other dads who have parked their kids in the toddler area to read their phones.
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Aug 3, 2015 01:02
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BonoMan posted:Yup that's part of the argument. I'm making progress though. It's a long climb. She came from a physically abusive dad and in the deep south where spanking is seen as a virtue so it's a loving hard nut to crack. Probably not a great idea to lay on the guilt on mom, or suggest that she wasn't raised right, nobody reacts well to that. Just present it as "here is the science, lets try this, don't let an 18 month old get so far under your skin that you lose your mind" But yeah, it really is pretty simple, if the kid does something the kid can't do, than stop the enjoyable activity, explain "we don't hit/bite/dump yogurt on the couch", let them (and you) chill out in your separate corners for a minute or two, then back to whatever was fun. Doesn't get results instantly, but nothing does. Whatever behavior the child is doing that you can't stand another instant will eventually fall by the wayside in a few weeks or months. And be replaced by a bright-new thing that you can't stand for another instant. Interruption style punishments don't need to be very much time at all, it isn't like a toddler has enough attention span to really contemplate their sins on the tree of woe for 5 whole minutes. So just "No, we can't do that lovely thing, you and I are taking a break" then a couple minutes later 'Ok, lets try again." or "Ok, that wasn't working, lets try something else entirely"
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Oct 26, 2015 19:21
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For my family, birthdays are a family thing. We go out to dinner at the restaurant of the birthday-person's choice, eat a home made cake at home, and give one nice gift, job done. Birthday parties, especially for smaller kids are a goddamn nightmare for all the reasons listed in the previous posts. Too much pressure on the birthday-kid, a huge pile of crappy "what is 11$ at walmart?" plastic toys that have nothing to do with the birthday childs interests, and bored parents alternating between managing their children and playing with their phones. Why do this to people?
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Nov 17, 2015 18:23
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I'd do what it takes to have transport. If that means getting the whole family dressed and out the door to drop off and pick up the breadwinner, it might be worth considering. Otherwise, I'd seriously consider a bike with trailer, or the finest Honda Civic 2000$ will buy. As mentioned extensively, taking your kid out and narrating the poo poo out of your day is good for you and good for your kid. Take kid to the liquor store, discuss the merits of brown liquors, pick out the prettiest beer label, "I spy with my little eye a GREY dopplebock label". Do the math on how much you pay per ounce. Same with hardware stores, see what the heaviest hammer your kid can lift is. Go to museums. Every week go to museums. Doesn't even have to be a good museum or a different museum. Other thing to consider, the YMCA probably has daytime childcare for pretty much no money like 5$ an hour, and you probably need to get to the gym. Slo-Tek fucked around with this message at 18:20 on Jan 20, 2016 |
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Jan 20, 2016 18:14
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So, what do y'all reckon about sneaking computer after bedtime? My eldest aged 11 gets busted not quite once a week for sneaking back out of bed to play web browser games after lights out. We have locked down all the portable computers with passwords, and I guess computers in the public areas are next (possibly with internet lockouts after the dinner hour to make it not worth stealing anyway). As it stands now, we don't play computer games during the week, because we have homework, sports, extracurriculars, books, and family time. Weekend is unstructured, if we've got nothing else going on (and they haven't gotten busted for stealing computer earlier in the week) then you can watch minecraft videos and play clicky-games till their eyeballs melt. As it stands, getting busted during the week costs you at least a day of computer on the weekend, but from the evidence, that isn't sufficient deterrent. I kind of don't want to lock the computers down so much they aren't worth stealing because a) that is a pain in my rear end if I have to have password locks on everything, and b) want the kid to have some practice not stealing things that he wants, even if they are worth stealing. Explained plenty of times that he is in a world less trouble, and his weekend is much less disrupted if he get busted with books past lights-out than if I get up to pee and find his rear end frantically shutting down the living room computer at 11:30 on a weeknight. I used to go to serious devious length to play Ultima III on the family apple IIe when I was a sprout, and I can't remember if anything anybody did dissuaded me from it. Anybody else have any thoughts/recollections/suggestions?
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Jan 21, 2016 23:28
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Apogee15 posted:I snuck on to the computer in the middle of the night ALL the time. The games I played required internet access, so the way my dad did it was he kept putting different blocks on my access. He blocked my IP address, but then I learned how to change my IP address. He blocked my MAC address, so I learned to spoof that. If he *really* wanted me to not be on the computer, he's have to take and hide the power connectors. My folks took control of the power plug. I bought my own power plug at radio shack and kept it hidden in my room. Thing is, not trying to build a better criminal by giving him a danger-room of obstacles to play clicker-heroes. Trying to explain to him that 20 hours of computer games a week isn't exactly electron-starvation, and that sneaking to feed the need is bad long-term thinking, with clear and consistent consequences that suck, and that nobody in the whole rest of the world wants to hear about his high score on kiji.com, but they might be interested in his other observations, interactions, and accomplishments in the world. And the lad needs his sleep, trying to do junior high school on 4 hours a night isn't smart or healthy. Trying to provide habits and hobbies and experiences that will serve him better in the rest of his life than my level 99 party in Ultima III served me. Don't _think_ this is some kind of crazy tiger-dadding. His grades are better than mine were at his age.
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Jan 22, 2016 02:06
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Reason posted:Does anyone have any advice for teaching a toddler not to be mean to animals? Time ins don't work. He just seems completely oblivious to any sort of punishment. Model good behavior, every time the kid and the critter are together, demonstrate the nice way to touch. Separate child and critter when things get rowdy. Explain that kid and cat/dog/python go in separate rooms if you can't play nice, and do it every time. Make sure your critter has a place to retreat to. You aren't going to successfully reason with a toddler, but to get in the habit of calmly explaining your actions, because it is a good habit going forward. A lot of little kids are just not going to get the don't be mean to animals thing for a while, so try to keep your toddler and your animal from traumatizing each other too badly, and wait for it to get better, because it will.
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Jan 31, 2016 02:50
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I feel like I've stopped asking parenting questions with regard to my 8 and 11 year old, because they have stopped being aliens, and have started loving up in ways I remember from my own youth. It is intensely frustrating to watch them be stupid in familiar manners, and heartbreaking that they are unlikely to learn how not to be goddamn idiots any faster than I did (so, we're cautiously optimistic for age 25 or so). But it isn't mysterious. Perhaps they'll turn back into aliens with puberty, but I suspect that too will be all too familiar.
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May 23, 2016 03:51
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My eldest skipped cross country today to avoid political discussion, though he is in Middle School now, so there is a fair amount of political awareness, both from civics and from parents. They did get assigned to fill out electoral maps, which was useful and interesting. The kids allegedly chanting "Trump Trump Trump" and banging on the lunch tables today was less useful and interesting.
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Nov 10, 2016 05:32
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My birthday strategy is to let my kids pick out where to dine, usually the hibachi or fondu joint. They get presents from family, but we aren't throwing a party for their classmates, or renting an event space. It's just not how we do. We celebrate the fact that you are alive together, and you can run a friends sleepover another non-birthday occasion. Cuts down on the amount of plastic bought-on-the-way-to-the-party crap drifting up in the corners of our house by a huge degree, and my kids still get invited to everybody elses birthday parties, so it doesn't appear to have permanently stunted their psyches or social growth.
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Nov 11, 2016 06:39
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Udelar posted:My 14-y/o is turning 15 this month and I'm afraid to leave her alone any more. Sucks man, I'll be interested in hearing what does or does not work. My thoughts are all theoretical at this point, but open-ended "until I'm not pissed off anymore" punishments aren't that effective. People can get used to all kinds of deprivation, and as you have already found, when there isn't anything good left to take away you are out of handles. I don't think any punishment that lasts longer than a week is likely to be that useful. Feel free to blow the poo poo out of This weekend every time she screws up, but leave the prospect of next weekend as a carrot for your stick. In terms of the sex and drugs...I wouldn't leave my kid alone, and would probably assign a phone as a snitch. If the phone isn't where it is supposed to be when it is supposed to be there all week, your weekend just got ruined. Schedule her from 7am till dinner. My 7th grader doesn't get off the activity bus till 5:30 most days, and it isn't like we are tiger-parenting him or like he has a brutal load. Just one after school sport and one academic club will chew up a bunch of spare hours. It isn't hard, or even unusual to make sure that your mid-teen is never out of sight of an in loco parentis adult. Whenever she 'forgets' her phone in her locker, or goes to the corner store rather than math club, her weekend is going to be doing yardwork and scrubbing kitchen floors. Talking to a shrink? Impulsivity and dumb-decision making can respond to ADHD meds, or lithium sometimes. My folks sent me to military camp one year...that was...interesting. Met kids with much bigger, much more hosed up problems, and much bigger more hosed up parents than mine. Had a lot of fun, really, but didn't go back when I didn't gently caress up as bad the next year. Also sent me for a year abroad, which was a good place for me to play hooky and gently caress up without my family being around to be annoyed. Main advantage of that was being a year older when I got back, I think. Slo-Tek fucked around with this message at 01:07 on Nov 18, 2016 |
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Nov 18, 2016 00:42
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There is nowhere on this planet where a person with some ambition to find some dick and some drugs can't find plenty. I would be concerned that this would be one of those 'set up to fail' things. Most international student programs are reasonably academically rigorous, and very humorless about fuckin' and drankin' and smokin'. Like send you home and charge you back any scholarships humorless. Probably don't want to choose Saudi or Singapore, just in case. Now, it is very possible that your teen will take the international exchange council's rules more seriously than she takes yours, but I would be concerned. Particularly since I suspect just not mentioning what you did with half your junior year is somewhere between suspicious and academic dishonesty when it comes to applying for colleges. Might be a reasonable carrot though. "Get your drugs and academics sorted out now, and we can talk (exotic locale without parents riding your rear end) for your junior year. Or don't, and see what community college in hometown USA looks like!" Slo-Tek fucked around with this message at 02:41 on Nov 19, 2016 |
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Nov 19, 2016 02:39
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Oodles posted:Hey Parenting thread. We've just had number 3, I had to deliver her on the bathroom floor as it sort of happened that fast. That's something... Think of the previous children as your control group, and new jack is your experiment.
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Dec 22, 2016 02:58
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VorpalBunny posted:Scandinavian goons - I need some advice. We took advantage of the insane Scandinavian Airlines deal where kids fly free this Spring and we are headed to Stockholm from Los Angeles in late March. We hope to drive down to Legoland outside Copenhagen, and obviously we hope to get some nature and awesome stuff in there as well. Any advice for stuff to see with a 6-year old, a 4-year old and a 3-year old? I was imagining something like 2 days in the Stockholm area, driving all day down to the Copenhagen area, spending 2 days there, hitting Legoland, then driving back to Stockholm. Is this dumb? We drive a lot on our trips, the kids don't mind the travel time. You'll want to spend some time in Stockholm, it is a pretty neat town. the Vasa Museum is worth an afternoon for sure, and wandering around Gamla Stan is pleasantly historical.
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Jan 21, 2017 15:17
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GlyphGryph posted:Speaking of swim lessons, when is a good age to start? Mine is almost two and loooooves the water, he spent hourd in the pool the other day and was still unhappy to leave. There was one time that was a bit scary because he got away from me and started runnung I thought he might fall in, but thankfully he did not, but I would obviously feel a lot safer knowing he could manage for at least a little while in the water and give me time to pull him out without drowning. Sooner is better than later. You can drowndproof a 6 month old, nevermind a 2 year old who can take some instruction. Especially if the kid already likes water, get right after it. Better for you, and opens up a lot of cool stuff to do.
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Jan 29, 2017 05:06
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KernelSlanders posted:What's the obsession with teaching children barnyard animals? Half the books we have focus on them. Is it just that we haven't updated our perception of what a one-year-old should know in a century or so? Pop culture seems to be rather opinionated that "the cow says moo" is important. Most kids like animals. Other thing, animals are reasonably timeless. While it doesn't come up every single day, knowing what a goat looks like has turned up more useful than knowing an 8 track cassette, or a nokia phone, or a 78 AMC Concord. I had my kids memorize every tree species on the walk to school. That was kinda fun, and another large-category fractal knowledge base that may come up more useful than memorizing pokemons. Slo-Tek fucked around with this message at 03:17 on Oct 16, 2017 |
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Oct 16, 2017 03:14
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KernelSlanders posted:I took my 15 month old to a rooftop "farm" in Queens yesterday. She was thoroughly unimpressed with the chickens. What does she like? I'm kinda curious about that. Most toddlers love the poo poo out of categorizing and systematizing stuff. If she isn't doing animals, what is she obsessively sorting?
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Oct 16, 2017 03:19
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