Awful Kickstarters Vol II: Will these zombies learn to practice safe sex?

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gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Hi, I'm literally too lazy to spend 5 seconds looking into my gear bag.

# ¿ Dec 29, 2016 19:46

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 08:50

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Alright, alright, I guess I fell flat with that one. How about these two though?

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1700119410/sento-towel-an-incredible-upgrade-for-an-everyday

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1980280716/compass-stone-a-pocket-navigator-for-mindful-peopl

# ¿ Jan 3, 2017 18:18

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Saint Isaias Boner posted:

I often find myself overwhelmed by the features of my expensive towels such as the ability to get dry using them

Boy, you are going to LOVE http://www.withings.com/eu/en/products/hair-coach

# ¿ Jan 4, 2017 13:02

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Non Serviam posted:

Do any of the people in this thread have something in their house on WiFi? I mean Internet Of Things stuff, like a kettle or something.

I have a weather station because I'm childish.

# ¿ Jan 16, 2017 12:50

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

CommonShore posted:

Things get fiddly when using a regular manual kettle to regulate temperatures for different kinds of tea. I didn't say complicated - I said fiddly.

https://www.breville.com.au/the-tea-kettle.html

# ¿ Jan 16, 2017 21:56

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Morglon posted:

Well obviously you have your smart fridge fire shards of ice into it from across the room.

Now THAT is a concept I'd back, especially if it also has a remote camera and manual fire trigger.

# ¿ Jan 17, 2017 09:31

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

treiz01 posted:

Really? There are so many companies pursuing this concept though! I for one see the death of the human controlled car - and maybe the concept of a private vehicle disappearing completely. I invision a world with fleets of driverless cars that can be called up like a taxi.

As someone who hates to drive and is also night-blind, I would LOVE a self-driving car.

# ¿ Jan 17, 2017 11:15

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

treiz01 posted:

And at that point you could redefine what a car is. Why not have really comfy chairs? Why not have a table to support a book or laptop?

Absolutely. Mercedes had this prototype car a while ago:

# ¿ Jan 17, 2017 17:07

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

tuyop posted:

I can't wait for the future where they cram 12 bicycle seats into a driverless Honda Fit that takes four hours a day to update its firmware like a sick mashup of that horrifying airplane seating concept and a wifi kettle.

Ryancar?

# ¿ Jan 17, 2017 17:20

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

quote:

The crowdfunding campaign for an app called Adoptly was suspended yesterday by Kickstarter. The pitch envisioned would-be adoptive parents selecting their future children through a swipe-based interface cribbed from Tinder.

# ¿ Jan 21, 2017 21:51

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Please note this is their SECOND successful Kickstarter, for an "improvement" over the first model.

# ¿ Feb 2, 2017 12:49

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

I'm sure this will go extremely well, and putting up JPEGs of your text in an illegible font will totally help.

# ¿ Feb 3, 2017 23:29

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Do you like Atari 2600 games? Would you like to play them on your wrist for the low, low price of $199?

How about, uh, Terraria??

GOOD NEWS

They previously made a Minecraft wearable that didn't come with Minecraft.

# ¿ Feb 12, 2017 22:07

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

wa27 posted:

So... what do their Minecraft and Terraria watches do that a $10 thumb drive can't do already (without having to carry around a USB3 cable)?

The Minecraft band runs an animated GIF on the OLED screen!

# ¿ Feb 13, 2017 16:22

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Collateral Damage posted:

Wasn't there some other project way back that managed to get kicked off both Kickstarter and Indiegogo for being an obvious scam that went on to create their own "fair and balanced" crowdfunding site?

The ones I'm aware of:

1) The sequel to Eternal Darkness
2) A reboot of the board game HeroQuest without owning the IP rights to HeroQuest

The first died spectacularly.
The second got funded because apparently getting kicked off two platforms is not enough warning bells, and has still not released anything 3 years later.

# ¿ Feb 15, 2017 12:35

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Why

# ¿ Feb 18, 2017 21:47

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

unpacked robinhood posted:

I wonder how a child raised on lets plays and unboxing videos would turn out

Arthur Gies and/or Ben Kuchera.

# ¿ Feb 20, 2017 23:26

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

TetsuoTW posted:

i don't think furthering the business interests of trash like lootcrate through the YouTube equivalent of baby rattles for mental children whose identities revolve around their purchases is redeemable even if people like it

Please, that's uncrating, not unboxing.

# ¿ Feb 22, 2017 11:10

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

It's off-putting that the veil has lifted and our culture has started producing hardcore comsumerism porn versus the consumerism erotica of regular marketing.

And then you add ASMR back in and it's hardcore consumerism porn porn.

# ¿ Feb 22, 2017 17:08

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Crocoswine posted:

I was going to try and make a funny joke title for a fake asmr unboxing video, but then

there are people who listen to someone taking an iphone out of its box and they (presumably) jerk off to it. I pray that every one of these ghouls burn in hell

I too wish I had been joking.

# ¿ Feb 22, 2017 21:34

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Collateral Damage posted:

What the hell is ASMR?

Sexy ladies whispering in your ear giving you the tingles for totally non-sexual reasons.

But also https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autonomous_sensory_meridian_response

# ¿ Feb 23, 2017 14:25

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Via slowbeef, I think I can sincerely say this is the dumbest loving poo poo I have ever beheld on Kickstarter.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/dogitalki/dogitalki-the-worlds-1st-dogs-live-video-and-talki

# ¿ Mar 1, 2017 15:05

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

value-brand cereal posted:

The Angelus poo poo is just two white bitches playing yoga gurus and can ride a bag of dicks to hell though.

Minimum pledge, $25, gets you a PDF preview of chapter six. :wtf:

# ¿ Mar 6, 2017 08:42

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

How about this thing, that does multiple things badly instead of one thing well?

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1060397071/beacon-the-multi-sensory-light-that-monitors-air-q

# ¿ Mar 15, 2017 22:33

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Hmm, how's Apocalypse Now doing?

I wonder if this includes the $600,000 they allegedly got from "Malibu Road Pictures LLC".

# ¿ Mar 16, 2017 21:23

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Tears In A Vial posted:

Have we had the dumb tablet yet? I've seen it around quite a bit.

https://www.kickstarter.com/project...B_EN_KS-tablets

It's a cheap tablet that mirrors whats on your phone.

It's the same as buying a cheap tablet and putting a mirroring app on it, except worse because you can't use the tablet independently.

$99 (retail $299)

I doubt this will ever exist.

# ¿ Mar 31, 2017 14:43

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

w
h
y

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/roblanderos/the-7th-guest-board-game

# ¿ Apr 4, 2017 18:37

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Nostalgia cash-in for a terrible 1993 game? Why would anyo... oh.

# ¿ Apr 4, 2017 18:57

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Rapulum_Dei posted:

I never understood why that was never remade as a iPad/tablet game. Seems the perfect format.

It was. https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/the-7th-guest/id407707744?mt=8

# ¿ Apr 4, 2017 20:29

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Paladinus posted:

This is one of the most ridiculous things in this thread so far. Even the stupid Swiss-knife cooler was better.

For a moment I thought you meant a thing that cooled swiss army knives, because that sure as hell would be stupid. Also, please back my swiss army knife cooler on Kickstarter.

# ¿ Apr 20, 2017 12:17

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

unpacked robinhood posted:

Americans still don't have a legit cheap universal way to reliably transfer money to each other that isn't a lovely app iirc.

That and they still use actual checks in this millennium. I'm 40 and have used exactly one in my entire life.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2017 11:55

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Jerry Seinfeld posted:

lol they don't even mention refunds or anything. They're straight-up just taking off with the money.

Chapter 7 means there's no money to refund.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2017 19:39

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Four of these exact projects failed previously, so obviously THIS one wouldn't.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2017 21:17

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Want to cover your laptop's webcam but duct tape just isn't stylish enough?

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2126936003/the-spyslide-the-most-elegant-webcam-cover

# ¿ Apr 23, 2017 16:09

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

kjetting posted:

How is that product in any way supposed to be an improvement over real fruit?

Does your

fruit

come with an app? I didn't think so.

# ¿ Apr 24, 2017 14:55

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Catching up on some old favorites. Google doesn't forget.

# ¿ Apr 30, 2017 10:38

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Cheez posted:

So which one is it?

Remember how it would automatically detect what you were drinking and log that for you?

The thing they released, years belated, logs how much you drank of what's in there, detecting absolutely nothing.

# ¿ Apr 30, 2017 12:10

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/550514292/model-3-tankless-electric-water-heater-and-mobile posted:

For the last 100 years, water heaters have been using archaic heat transfer technology, resulting in an inefficient and unreliable water heating process. You end up with a heating element which corrodes and develops sediment inside the same tank that stores your hot water.

The MODEL 3 is different. Rather than coils or traditional heating elements, our WiFi-enabled water heater uses our patented Ohmic Array Technology to heat water. Endlessly, on demand. And, since we use water as the heating element, the hot water that comes from our units is purer than water from any other water heaters available today.

[...]

Our technology uses graphite electrodes in place of traditional metal heating elements. Through electronic controls, the naturally occurring minerals in your water are excited, producing heat as a byproduct of this process. Nothing in the MODEL 3 gets hotter than the water itself, resulting in zero scaling and corrosion over time, even if you have hard water or soft water. This means the MODEL 3 will never require any maintenance and has a significantly longer lifespan.

[...]

Also, for the first time ever, home water heating and the internet of things (IoT) will be combined to provide the best possible user experience and the highest level of control. Hot water is integral to your comfort, and we want to ensure the MODEL 3 amazes you in ways you never thought possible. With the ability to pump up to 100 A and heat water up to 4 gallons per minute, our units are extremely compact (12" x 12" x 12") and easy to install.

[...]

Because our Ohmic Array Technology uses advanced electronics to excite the naturally occurring minerals in the water, the conductivity of your water must be within 80 to 2000 μs.

# ¿ May 1, 2017 21:48

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1850927902/every-day-tray-edt

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/687082160/the-visible-tie-bringing-freedom-through-style-and

quote:

Variety of unique fair trade ties with hidden pockets, fabrics woven by women free from trafficking, packaging made by Tibetan refugees

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/mokase/mokase-your-mobile-phone-cover-makes-even-coffee

quote:

Your mobile phone cover makes even coffee!

gschmidl has a new favorite as of 20:49 on May 6, 2017

# ¿ May 6, 2017 20:36

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 08:50

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Paladinus posted:

Is this a joke?

Whichever "this" you mean, the answer is no.

# ¿ May 6, 2017 22:11

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > Awful Kickstarters Vol II: Will these zombies learn to practice safe sex?

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