Microsoft: ~*spooky thread*~ post if you dare

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duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

qirex posted:

office 2015:

default paste behavior is "without formatting"

outlook "this occurrence or whole series?" dialog only appears after trying to edit a meeting

powerpoint has a presentation view with thumbnails on the side

selecting text only picks up what your mouse actually touched

excel never assumes a data type

there microsoft I made you billions of dollars I will come work for your stupid company but only if you bring me in as a partner

unglhghgng i came blood

# ¿ Aug 1, 2014 17:09

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# ¿ May 9, 2024 06:44

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Malcolm XML posted:

nah it's actually much quicker than mousing over a loving nested toolbar menus

real pros were using keyboard shortcuts, if u bitched about menus changing u were a gui scrub

# ¿ Aug 2, 2014 00:51

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

pram posted:

lmao

# ¿ Aug 4, 2014 04:30

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

notice hte loose power cables, which means that these don't slide in and dock for easy recharging; you have to attach the fiddly power connector (which is still fiddly even though its magnetic) before putting the thing into the box

# ¿ Aug 4, 2014 04:31

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Dixie Cretin Seaman posted:

im not into console shames so maybe this is an old observation but every time i hear "xbox one" i think they're talking about the original xbox and wonder why anyone is talking about a machine over a decade old

just seems like a terrible branding choice, from a company with nothing but terrible branding choices

what are you talking about, microsoft is great at bra

nding

# ¿ Aug 5, 2014 02:56

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

mod sassinator posted:

that is a feature that MS is super proud of BTW. can't wait for people to idly play with the stylus in a meeting and open up a billion onenote instances.

onenote is actually pretty good note-taking software, but microsoft has this weird obsession with pushing it on people who have absolutely no reason to use it. their material is all "use it to plan vacations! make a shopping list that the wife can update from home while the bumbling husband tries to shop! research online purchases! ~~compile a detailed dossier on your suburban enemies!~~ help your kid with a book report somehow!"

# ¿ Aug 5, 2014 03:04

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

computer parts posted:

# ¿ Aug 5, 2014 03:11

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Notorious b.s.d. posted:

i will actually white knight for microsoft on this one

excel is as good as it is because microsoft talked to actual human users and discovered people used spreadsheets for a thousand unexpected purposes, most especially list-making. their competitors didn't.

all those weird-sounding onenote use cases are probably real

mostly true. (it's amazing how many people use excel as a layout tool)

# ¿ Aug 5, 2014 03:15

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Notorious b.s.d. posted:

all those weird-sounding onenote use cases are probably real

also i can guarantee that at least some of them aren't because did you know that you can make money by writing fictional customer scenarios? just sayin', s all

# ¿ Aug 5, 2014 03:38

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

microsoft stores would do much better if they stocked some bsaic components (hard drives, memory, etc) as well as a better variety of common accessories (headphones, speakers, flash drives, etc) and also pc software via custom flahs drive (no discs, pick what you want at a kiosk thingy, it's loaded onto a verified Microsoft flash thingy and then you can install on your machine).

they could also rotate branded shirts/merch in a small space in the back corner, that'd net a not insignificant number of ironic sales (

# ¿ Aug 7, 2014 02:07

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Sniep posted:

i found charms out by accident on our surface unit at work

how is a user supposed to infer that you're supposed to do that? there's not even little drawer pull tabs like on the iphone

the first time a user logs into widows 8 there's a long, obnoxious, and unskippable "how to use windows 8 with a mouse" thing

# ¿ Aug 7, 2014 02:20

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

charms are the most useless things ever, the only functional one is search and i always call that up with win+q so in short charm my neg rear end in a top hat

# ¿ Aug 7, 2014 02:20

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

homo punching bag posted:

lmao @ these legit decent ideas. such wasted breath

ikr

seriously, all they have to do is put up a rack of 80s-style ms-dos and 90s windows 95 shirts

they'd sell themselves

# ¿ Aug 7, 2014 02:31

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Sniep posted:

just me or does that look kinda nazi-esque

yup

# ¿ Aug 7, 2014 16:26

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Origin posted:

pffff, enter the pro zone!

they need to give it the freescroll thing

# ¿ Aug 8, 2014 04:49

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

also i totally have purchased and own the red wired one, so please don't think i'm sassing the product concept itself

# ¿ Aug 8, 2014 04:49

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Snapchat A Titty posted:

lol you just made me imagine a windows or office license dongle

don't give them any ideas

# ¿ Aug 8, 2014 18:48

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

infernal machines posted:

and the product keycard you get with oem or retail copies? that's not your license key, it's a redemption key for a license key, that has exactly the same structure as a license key but cannot be used to actually activate the product and there is no way to tell which license key is tied to which activation key in the license portal. so just throw that poo poo out once you've activated because you'll never use it again and it's not a proof of license in the event of an audit
[/list]

microsoft produced a whole loving lot of training material about those cards for big-box retail employees. detailed isntructions on what the card looks like, what it does, what it is and isn't, etc. the original plan was to try and have the retail employees walk people through setting up a microsoft account right then and there at the register, but that got nixed pretty fast

# ¿ Aug 8, 2014 23:42

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

i still think a kiosk that lets you select what software you want before disgorging said software on a microsoft-branded flash drive after payment would be totally rad

put in a clear window so you can see robot arms whipping around and poo poo

# ¿ Aug 9, 2014 01:26

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

wow i didn't know that apple doesn't let you use good keyboards

# ¿ Aug 10, 2014 02:05

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

fleshweasel posted:

on the contrary, they let you use

what kind of switches does it use

# ¿ Aug 10, 2014 02:19

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

fleshweasel posted:

scissor

urban myth

# ¿ Aug 12, 2014 22:19

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

i bought an xbox one controller to use with my pc and i ended up getting a "day one" limited edition for, like 30$ cheaper than something nib

# ¿ Aug 13, 2014 03:18

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Messyass posted:

here you go:

- Bing

probably what it would end up being. the bing browser.

# ¿ Aug 18, 2014 16:47

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

AtomD posted:

2) Flow
it's so fast and fluid. market it with rap music to appeal to the kids

this would get a lot of traction because of the tie-in to the "Fast and Fluid" messaging

not even joking

just suggest will.i.am or will smith for the rap part because old white people love rappres named will and you're set

# ¿ Aug 18, 2014 16:49

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Fabricated posted:

Yeah, "some" machines

like try 200+ machines in the building my office is in. Thankfully for some reason the majority did it last friday. We just had our student workers go and redeploy them since we were going to do that anyway, and it takes all of 10 seconds to start.

idk, works for me

# ¿ Aug 19, 2014 03:29

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Wheany posted:

i loving hate cutesy error messages like that. windows xp had the perfect tone for the error messages with "shitapp has encountered a problem and needs to close."

all kinds of "aww, snap", "bad panda", "" and even "well, this is rather embarrassing" errors just feel like the program or web page is condescending me. "aww, baby got a boo boo? baby can't handle a real error message?"

those things could happen after i lose a significant amount of work, like this essay i'm writing in right now

i think it would be neat if, on the occasion of software errors, there were some sort of "explain this to me" button that brings up a concise lay-explanation of the problem.

# ¿ Aug 19, 2014 20:42

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Bobby Digital posted:

make cortana the new board member

windows 9, now with enormous digital tits!

# ¿ Aug 19, 2014 20:44

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

computer parts posted:

for the most common poo poo (like network troubles) it'd basically be "you can't connect to the internet, and there's a million reasons why so who knows!"

yes, that is true

i think on the whole it would be a useful and interesting thing

# ¿ Aug 19, 2014 20:46

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Waroduce posted:

I am the Consistently Correct Marketing Capitalization throughout the entire txt of this fanboy.txt

i'm thinking a blueshirt that's bought way in on the vendor-provided in-store training more than a viral marketer

# ¿ Aug 20, 2014 04:59

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

ahmeni posted:

gently caress you

# ¿ Aug 20, 2014 19:44

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Mido posted:

idgi what does blueshirt imply please enlighten me

best buy internal literally calls them blue shirts. it's supposed to be a point of pride or something, idk

# ¿ Aug 21, 2014 20:32

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Just-In-Timeberlake posted:

never forget

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=des3dpKtfIM

i watched it again and counted a total of 3 "features" that were showcased in this commercial

- the cover keyboard clicks
- it's a touch screen
- there's a kickstand

that's it.

never noticed the office suite logos on some of the surfaces towards the end, though. "can we talk about office?" "no, there's just dancing"

# ¿ Aug 22, 2014 17:33

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

or we've discovered a time traveler!

# ¿ Aug 22, 2014 20:36

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

carry on then posted:

okay so can anyone tell me what part of that cortana ad siri can't do

enormous digital tits

# ¿ Aug 25, 2014 04:12

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

for those wondering why there's no way to store or stow the stylus, it's because you're supposed to put it in your butt

# ¿ Aug 27, 2014 03:06

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

lord funk posted:

see if you can spot the subtle prod placement

later mal uses a zune phone to find a strip club off the freeway

lol at the cursor jumping to the touch-point

# ¿ Aug 27, 2014 22:37

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

homo punching bag posted:

thats an rrod but ur red ring was also broken

# ¿ Aug 29, 2014 05:36

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

it's an important source of deliciuos sandwiches. there used to be a time when people died trying to harvest sandwiches, and now we have abundance

# ¿ Aug 29, 2014 06:51

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# ¿ May 9, 2024 06:44

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

buttcrackmenace posted:

is that the patch that randomly bricks machines after the second reboot?

there's a bug where fonts installed outside of the font directory can be used as a mans to do poo poo when they're loaded, so now those fils are locked and cannot be modified when in use. this somehow fucks with the window stacking.

# ¿ Aug 29, 2014 21:55

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