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 LESS SHOCKING, LESS TACTICAL, MORE POST RELEASE, SHOCKING TACTICAL POST RELEASE INTEL - 1/11/1111It's got issues, it's pretty fun, and also I updated the FAQ with the guy that punched through his monitor  SHOCKING POST RELEASE TACTICAL INTEL - 11/10/2015True to form, the COD game has connection issues a week post-release. If you were smart enough not to pre-order, hopefully you're also smart enough to wait until December or whatever when the game is actually working to see what the consensus is. There's also some retarded mode in ground war now wherein players protect half naked bodacious babes to the tanning salons which is apparently implemented in a way that's loving stupid as hell. LESS-SHOCKING PRE-RELEASE INTEL - OctoberishTHERE ARE SPREADSHEETS Is it a weeknight, and you're drunk, and you want to find people to play this virtual reality simulation video-game with who can boast MLG Diamond Certified top-notch lobby freestyle, and aren't screeching preteens? Tier One Goon and COD Godfather Spoon Man has created an elite, black operative spreadsheet leveraging the latest in the Microsoft technologies he so adores, where you, a goon, can find the answers you so passionately crave! POST YOUR PLATFORM, ID, AND HAIKU SEE THE RESULTS OF LIKEMINDED GOON GAMERS "Wow," you all say to yourselves as you gently soar back to Earth in your exo-suit, teeth still grinding from the action packed orgiastic riot of carnage that was Call of Duty: Root Beer. "That was loving full of epic win," you mutter to yourself in your gravelly Batman gamer voice. It's been like 5 months. You've jumped hard. You've broken poo poo in real life with how hard you were jumping. You chuckled at that joke I made about the bicuriator even though it didn't really land. You became an MLG pro with all that MLG competition. You've won loving medals in clan wars that were the only thing you've cared about for literally minutes on end last December or whenever they started working before you quit. Your Twitch stream is all full of subscribers and money and chicks flashing their tits at you and poo poo. There's a plaque on your wall that just says "What an epic loving almost half a year." Next to the other 8 of them. But you hunger for more. Sure, the series began with a bang, with COD4, and has matured into a barely recognizable behemoth of deep gameplay, dedicated servers, and numbers, the numbers, so many mother loving numbers it would make Bill Nye poo poo a trillion digit prime despite drawing the ire of goons for paying lip service to intelligent design as a legitimate scientific theory. So where does the series go next? What unexpected twist awaits us? Time and time again we've clutched our fedoras (actually mine is a trilby) as we were swept away by an action packed pack of action that we played for what seemed like hours for an entire week. It's spawned like six clans, numerous Google spreadsheets, a Steam group that surprisingly few people have bothered to leave in the past two years, and over 80% of the threads posted in Games in the past 10 years. It's the most popular game on PC, ever. And now it's time for me to briefly set aside my new subscription to HBO GO, stop bitching about my commute and software development to people who don't care, and open up a new tab in my browser while trying to ignore the thumbnail of a jacked black dude sucking his own dick that's been on the front page of xnxx.com for the past like 8 days. Now I bring you nerds this year's installment, of the Call of the Duty:  Press X to bark, motherfuckers. We begin this year, as always, with three questions: Q: DUUAAHHH DUURRH I BUY CALL OF DUTY? A: You're going to do it anyway, or someone is going to buy it for you like last year and I'm gonna feel bad for not playing it Q: Something else? A: Let's just take a look at the facts: Facts so hard that the Earth's mantle shatters beneath them    Game modes so new, they will tear your rear end in a top hat inside out, rotate it 90 degrees and stick it back in so you will poo poo sideways  Servers so dedicated, they make Franciscan monks look like the noob shitlords they are  Some pork I made last year, god I love this pic  MLG Pro goons absolutely crushing that pussy  And as unbelievable as it may sound, all of that is just random poo poo I had in my My Pictures folder. There's loving more. The cold, hard facts The reality is that this installment promises to be not only the most tactical installment yet, but also the most epic. Preliminary data confirms this, and by cross-indexing with price, we see that this is the most Epicness per dollar available to the American or European or, heh, Australian consumer in recent memory:   Call of Duty: Whatever promises to once again turn the gaming community on its head, thereby possibly turning it upright, but it just doesn't give a poo poo anymore after having been turned on its head so frequently and brutally by the breathtaking innovation seen by the now 5 or 6 separate development studios struggling desperately to slap a new set of menus on the same slop of poo poo game from 2008 without their brutalized and ashamed bastardization of the Quake 3 engine completely disintegrating into a pile of tactical feces. The entire concept of Guns In A Video Game Wherein You Hold Aforementioned Guns In Front Of You At Sort Of An Angle has been shaken up to the point of insanity, like a tasteless shaken baby joke that I'm immediately regretting but not enough to hit the backspace key. In between violent seizures of tactical carnage and fast-paced lobby simulation, you will experience a subdural hematoma of explosive action as you fire a gun that isn't anything like an M4A1 and curse the noob shitlords who stand in opposition as they use another gun that's like an AK47 only not, because clearly both that gun and their connection is superior. New for this edition is a map that was inspired by another map that sucked then also, as well as team-based matches to the death. A killstreak that is sort of fun but not worth getting 17 kills for, but does last long enough for you to remember the Chopper Gunner from Modern Warfare 2. Team deathmatch. A level where something happens, or sometimes doesn't, but basically always does. Tiny pieces of paper poo poo floating through the air everywhere on every map, because war is hell. Rubble. Match-based team deathplay. The color brown. Possibly some undergrowth, and a corner where you can camp. Sixty dollars you could have spent on a tank of gas, and had some money left over, because we are living in an incredible time. The world around you, seemingly gray and dull, as a husk of your former self huddles over your Xbox One and is brought momentarily back to life in a flash of nostalgia as the number "100" pops up on your screen and you remember a simpler time, when people you liked actually played this dumb poo poo, whose voices are now but a ghostly echo reverberating through your nearly empty mind with words of switching to GTA V or Titanfall that remain now as ever nothing more than an ethereal gust of hope that will never come to be. A single-player portion of a multi-billion dollar franchise where you actually play as a German Shepherd and press X to bark. More team deathmatch. No UAVs, as they're simply too powerful. And blackness. That's right. In addition to being the most tactical, one will find that these ops are also 50% blacker than previous Ops encountered by the MLG pro community:  There is, of course, much, much more to come. I plan to update this thread with the factual fervor with which I updated the A&W thread--meaning once, but with a lot of words. But alas, I'm exhausted, and I need to post this before some loving nerd who takes this retarded poo poo seriously posts a thread and I have to wait around until October for it to be totally abandoned and Wazzit to tell me to post another. So with that, let's all cozy up in our leopard print slankets, throw some pillows around until the bedroom is a mess of feathers and giggles and semen, and suit the gently caress up for Call of Duty  Black Cops (Three) Factual FAQ Facts: These assume you're on a console, because if you buy COD on PC then you clearly don't listen to reason Q: How do I COD better? A: Play on a smaller monitor/TV and stop loving sprinting everywhere. That's literally it. Q: Is this one horribly broken? A: As of 1/11, not really, for a COD game Q: I had a guy that was literally AFK I went up behind him and shot him in the back of the head...point loving blank range and guess what he didn't die. How might I, a gamer, alleviate this frustration, at personal expense of up to $400 or the current value of my Chromebook adjusted for depreciation? A: Take your cue from forums poster Mr. McGibblets: Mr. McGibblets posted:Well to be fair only $300...Probably $50 after depreciation and all in damage was done to my lovely chrome book that I've been wanting to replace but never had a reason to...at least now I do. I had been browsing new computers in between matches and after playing bullshit core I decided to see how durable it was. I loving hate core playlists they are loving horrible and I'm sick of getting 4-5 hit markers on someone only to have them one shot me. I had a guy that was literally AFK I went up behind him and shot him in the back of the head...point loving blank range and guess what he didn't die. Hardcore is where it is at. FAT WORM OF ERROR posted:hell yeah Q: Could the above be related to anger issues extending beyond a game in 2016 having issues with hit detection? What effect might this have on my experience and immersion? A: Mr. McGibblets posted:No I just have anger issues when a game in 2016 has issues with hit detection...ruining my experience and immersion and to think people are sold on this whole virtual reality thing just lol. Q: Saggy's laugh? A: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COEZLbZmtnA  Q: What sorts of new killstreaks might one find in this game? A:  Q: Literally every other question? A: It's a COD game Stubear St. Pierre fucked around with this message at 05:50 on Jan 19, 2016 |
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SA Spoonman's Statistical Bonanza - Below, you'll find posts created by resident nerd SA Spoon Man, crafted via vBulletin, a vast array of Microsoft personal computing hardware and software, and lots and lots of love. Also possibly other poo pooSpoon Man posted:Hackan showed me some raw export of gun stats. It was a mess, so I cleaned it up for myself. Have a NAT type in COD that isn't what your XBone says? Below is a post by software imagineer and self-proclaimed Sultan of Sensuality: the guy who provided the only useful response to some assembly code posted in a past thread, with a beard presumably as luxurious and gray as a December morning; sacred information which is only to be imbibed by the privileged, or those select few who press X at the multiplayer menu venutolo posted:This might be due to the Xbone checking the regular ports (TCP: 80, UDP: 88, 500, 3544, 4500, TCP/UDP: 53, 3074), and CoD also checking TCP/UDP 3075. It also might be due to call of duty being a steaming pile of poo poo Stubear St. Pierre fucked around with this message at 23:08 on Nov 10, 2015 |
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Apr 29, 2015 04:11
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Hi I'll buy this game. Thanks for reading my post.
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Apr 29, 2015 04:22
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Wanna
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Apr 29, 2015 04:22
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Game of the Year. DLC still won't be worth buying though. "Maybe this time, things will be different."
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Apr 29, 2015 04:22
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I might be really dumb and get this on PC.
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Apr 29, 2015 04:23
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Stubear St. Pierre posted:reserved for spoon's poo poo Are we finally gonna have actual pictures of poo poo in the thread?
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Apr 29, 2015 04:23
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Really bad op
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Apr 29, 2015 04:24
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I'll buy this game I guess, sure.
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Apr 29, 2015 04:24
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Thanks OP. Making my second or third post of the year to say I'm buying this before I know anything about it, even though I played Root Beer for barely a month, before I could play any of the DLC I paid for when I bought the $100 edition.
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Apr 29, 2015 04:27
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Preordered the Deluxe Hardcore Edition from BestBuy so I'm all set for the Blackest Ops yet.
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Apr 29, 2015 04:29
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If the F2000/G36 or an equivalent is in this game, instant buy. If not then gently caress you TreyDICKS
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Apr 29, 2015 04:32
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I'm hungry now, so thanks I guess. Fakedit: THANKS, CODBAMA!
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Apr 29, 2015 04:33
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I think one of the masks is a Malawian war mask. British Opression killstreak confirmed?
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Apr 29, 2015 04:36
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First page cod4 OG crew represent E: remember when toast used to be bad?
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Apr 29, 2015 05:27
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CaptainJuan posted:First page cod4 OG crew represent I still am
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Apr 29, 2015 05:29
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Hey here's the story from BLOPS3: You are main hero guy who is robot dude. BAd guy McTerrorist is a former scientist who has stolen robots from a company. He has sent these robots all over the world that you must fight. Main hero guy has cyberneticly enhanced dog to help. Main hero guy also has nanomachine weapons that come out of his arm when he wants to use SPECIAL POWERS instead of normal guns. There are the 6 big bad boss cyber robot guys that you must fight because Terrorist Scientist has altered them to be evil. You are playing a loving Megaman First person Shooter.
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Apr 29, 2015 05:31
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https://instagram.com/p/2CV7ctRFbk/
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Apr 29, 2015 05:33
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Good thread will be Black shoots mans Opsing in Australia
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Apr 29, 2015 05:35
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I'm okay with Firing Range, let's hope the new gen consoles can move past Nuketown.
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Apr 29, 2015 05:42
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Call of Duty: Nuketown 5: Welcome to Nuketown
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Apr 29, 2015 05:48
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The Taint Reaper posted:Call of Duty: Nuketown 5: Welcome to Nuketown thank you
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Apr 29, 2015 05:48
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If you can't make your multiplayer guy look like hitler in this game what's the loving point? Oh look I can make my camo suit just a tiny bit purple and look at these gun skins! They're so small that when you're moving at a fast speed nobody will loving notice them. People would atleast Notice Hitler is what I'm saying and you could have new game modes like Catch the Hitler.
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Apr 29, 2015 05:50
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You can put Hitlers on your gun now.
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Apr 29, 2015 05:53
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Mill Village posted:You can put Hitlers on your gun now. Not really good enough, all the guns in the game are tiny as poo poo and there's not enough space to write rude and vulgar messages. you can't even wear a large rear end hat or an anime character backpack.
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Apr 29, 2015 05:55
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last good one was blops <3 m60 and m14 also lol the broken famas
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Apr 29, 2015 06:20
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CaptainJuan posted:First page cod4 OG crew represent I said he'd get gud before he believed in himself. 
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Apr 29, 2015 07:08
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I skipped Advanced Warfare despite it looking okay but hey this sounds like the tits.
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Apr 29, 2015 09:02
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So do you guys like these games or not?
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Apr 29, 2015 09:07
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chaos rhames posted:So do you guys like these games or not? sure e: voted 5 and fav'ed, this year's gonna be good I just know it (no it won't)
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Apr 29, 2015 09:33
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This game needs an M60 for some hot rabbo action.
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Apr 29, 2015 09:43
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360 action news team every day. Where my zerms at
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Apr 29, 2015 09:47
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Will it feature Kevin Spacey? Because lets be honest that was the only redeeming feature the last game had.
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Apr 29, 2015 10:05
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Should add a FAQ section, with the answers to such timeless questions as "How do I join the clan?" and "Why won't you assholes let me in the clan?"
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Apr 29, 2015 13:01
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looks like you didn't even season that loving pork. put some sauce on that poo poo you brownshooter poopnoob. 0/10
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Apr 29, 2015 13:06
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chaos rhames posted:So do you guys like these games or not? sure why not Probably gonna buy this game on PC again because I'm mentally ill.
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Apr 29, 2015 13:09
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Another mentally ill dude who is going to get this no matter what, checking in. Im Prrobly going to get the awesomest edition too. And judging from the trailers, it has a definite chance of living up to, or even exceeding, the masterpiece of epic win that was advanced warfare. Will there be any reason to play destiny whatsoever after getting this game? Are there going to be clans only for playing the campaign in co-op? Whats the over under on terminator or chappie DLC? Consider me hyped.
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Apr 29, 2015 13:15
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They could be frustrating, but blops, blops 2, and COD4 are probably in descending order the three games I have the most playtime in of any game I've ever owned or played. So id say I love the blops games and am ambivalent at best about the MW sequels and ghosts/AW.
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Apr 29, 2015 13:16
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Pretty much my problem with AW was just the guns. They mostly were boring, didn't even look cool, and pistols were useless. BO2 guns were great and the word is that BO3 pistols will be really good again.
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Apr 29, 2015 13:24
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proposal: a game for "futuristic military wish fulfillment" realty: a man falls through the earth and into the neo-parisian catacombs. taking a nano-flashlight from the wall he spies row upon row of exo-skeletons. grasping the nearest by the shoulders, he shakes it madly, yelling "my nigga have u tried the BAL"
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Apr 29, 2015 13:27
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