JacquelineDempsey posted:

A couple years ago, I did a few months stint in jail. I gave a friend my SA password so she could print out this thread and mail it to me, to make me chuckle and keep my sanity intact. So, yeah, I'm a bit biased on this subject. Also, thanks to everyone posting, your humorous posts/edits kept me me sane during that arduous experience

Elias_Maluco posted:

Neddy Seagoon posted:

Horseplay always leads to roughhousing.

Say Nothing posted:

Splizwarf posted:

A fanny pack.

Bloody Hedgehog posted:

I'm personally hoping we get a dystopian ciderpunk future, where viscious cider-gangs fight for control of the distilleries, and the only currency worth anything is the nuAPPPLE.

wayfinder posted:

It was official. The Test had sorted me not into the Planters, Faction of my mother, my brother. Nor even the Brewers, like Elgis, whose green eyes were watching me from inside the bustle of his new friends. The glass I had received contained not the core of the Collectors, nor the stem of the Gardeners. It was empty.

I realized I was biting my lip. I was an Outcider.

I Am Crake posted:

So at first we took screenshots of video and captioned them. Now that absolutely ridiculous trend has gotten to the point where we turn those pictures in to full length WEBM's without audio. Reminds me of watching my grandmother lose her sense of self and dignity through Alzheimers.

AlphaKretin posted:

Random Stranger posted:

Sure, he says pomegranates are good for you, but just eat a couple of seeds and *bam* everything is covered with snow for months.

china bot posted:

A friend of a friend posted on Facebook that IMDb finally included her proper star sign, so I had to investigate further:

April Washko posted:

Beauty. Brains. Talent. And that indescribable "it" factor. April Washko brings all of that, and so much more. With experience and wisdom beyond her years, she has a way of reaching deep into a character, making it part of her; and that unique ability has quickly made her a very in-demand actress both in her native Midwest and around the United States.

Whether it's drama, action or comedy, April's versatility and attitude make her a dream to work with for any director. She has starred in films such as Elmwood, The Rivers Forever, Oblivion, and Pink Lines; and in the action-adventure web series Caught from Iron Core Media. She has had the pleasure of working with and learning from talented performers including Megan Mullally, Drew Barrymore, & Richard Lewis. With influences ranging from Old Hollywood to the modern stage and screen, April brings unmatched professionalism, realism, and full commitment to every role she takes on.

In addition to her acting work, April is an active producer as well, and she is regularly consulted by other producers for her expertise behind the camera. Always willing to help fellow artists, April also enjoys instructing other actors and producers about the power of networking and social media to strengthen their careers.

A classic beauty, a powerful actress, a skilled producer... Many things can describe April Washko, but for this star-in-the-making, her talent goes beyond words.

with bonus trivia:

April Washko posted:

Speaks fluent English.

Lost her best friend, Kyle Linford (aspiring director) to suicide on April 6th, 2011.

Absolute favorite show growing up was 'Buffy, the Vampire Slayer'.

Was almost kidnapped twice as a child. Once when she was 3 in a K-Mart with her Mom (the child leash things people make fun of saved her), & another time when she was 10 riding her bike around her neighborhood.

When April was 21, she discovered that she is clairaudient, clairsentient and claircognizant.

Lost close friend Jared A.D. Radtke (aspiring director, screenwriter) to suicide on May 1st, 2012.

Dr. Gitmo Moneyson posted:

If I had to be around someone like that, I'd kill myself too.

Rosalind posted:

I want to hire someone to dress up as a Disney Princess and sing to my cat at his birthday party. Yes I am serious. I just really like the mental image of a Disney Princess singing to my cat. I had a ton of friends and friends of friends offer to do so especially because I said I would be willing to pay for such a performance (I didn't specify any amounts yet) and also he's a pretty popular cat in my social circle. At his birthday party last year we raised enough money to fund all the medical expenses for 2 cats at the Humane Society and the year before that over 50 people attended his party.

I was wondering if anyone had any experience hiring a performer from among friends for a party? What is a fair amount to pay them? I was thinking I'd pay for the costume rental + $50 for like 3 songs or just $100 if they have their own costume, but I don't wanna seem cheap either and shortchange them. Is it fair to ask them to send me a 30 second clip of them singing also?

NESguerilla posted:

For the amount of money you are willing to pay you could see a mental health professional for a whole hour.

FlyinPingu posted:

ghostbusters hate thread OP on the prices of the new ghostbusters action figures

Darth123123 posted:

There is a plot line to doom?

lfield posted:

Did you know that the Star Wars prequels are actually the story of oppressed slave battle droids rising up against their masters?

CD is a special place.

Improbable Lobster posted:

On the other hand it's ridiculous for a thread about a pop sci-fi movie on an internet comedy website to have 48 mentions of Marx or Marxism on a single page

Alaois posted:

raise your standards for what is considered fun

Gravitas Shortfall posted:

no it doesn't you loving nerds, the droids are controlled by those racist-chinese-stereotype alien guys and at no time do they ever rise up against them.

Sham bam bamina! posted:

There are no "droid separatists" wtf are you talking about Tiggum

Sham bam bamina! posted:

The droids are remote-controlled, which is the entire basis of Episode I's ending.

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

I'm not getting any results when I google this

gentle pete posted:

Sham bam bamina! posted:

You're imagining all of it! The battle droids had no agency in any of those movies; they were never a "faction". That was the whole point.

hackbunny posted:

Cyborgs, they were cyborgs. The Techno Union. They manufacture the bigger battle droids (those with the wrist gun and no neck) and they made Grievous's (and Vader's) cybernetic rig. Together with the Intergalactic Banking Clan, the Trade Federation and the insect people who designed the Death Star, whatever they're called, they form the separatist movement. They show up in a short scene in Attack of the Clones and then again in Revenge of the Sith when Sidious sends Vader to purge them. I feel sorry for them because they were the "bad guys" and very memorable but they barely were in the movies

hackbunny posted:

No, god, the Gungans are routed and taken prisoner. The battle is won by the Naboo space fighters who manage to destroy the droids' remote control, thanks to skilled young Force-sensitive pilot Anakin Skywalker. Ugggh

Blue Footed Booby posted:

Maybe you just have a lovely memory.

Improbable Lobster posted:

Literally everything you've suggested happens in the prequels does not. Look up a summary or rewatch them (no don't) or something because you have invented at least one new movie entirely out of your imagination.

Orange Fluffy Sheep posted:

This is fine. Let it continue. Let the entire forum become SMG arguing with SMG.

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

"hmm, maybe A Goofy Movie was secretly about molestation", in response to a joke post, thrown into a bullheaded multiquote, is loving peak Tiggum

Alaois posted:

okay then, i interpret your posts as white supremacist rantings

you sick loving bigot

Geniasis posted:

If there is no evidence in the text, it's invalid.

WeAreTheRomans posted:

I do recall a comic where Magneto pulled the hemoglobin out of some schmucks blood, but I think they've toned that down now because that was just too ridiculous a power (and of course the iron in hemoglobin is non-ferromagnetic)

Light Gun Man posted:

Magnetism is kind of one of the major forces of the universe though so it's appropriate in that sense. An intelligent mutant with control of Gravity would be similarly very powerful too.

Comstar posted:

It makes me annoyed to think he dosn't use electricity in equal measure.

Nuebot posted:

He can but it makes him tired apparently. Presumably electricity is also Storm's thing and it's just unfair to steal her job.

BioEnchanted posted:

Storm: "Do you know what happens to a mutant who infringes my copyright?"
Magneto: "What?"
Storm: "Same thing that happens to everything else..."
*Her solicitor walks in to serve him*.

Outrail posted:

I don't know where 'pupper' came from but the word makes me irrationally mad for some reason.

wayfinder posted:

Decrepus posted:

[AMA]

Leal posted:

And hey, something that is driving me crazy my current game is the three male colonists constantly flirting with the single female colonist, getting a mood drop, then doing it again an hour later to get another mood drop which stacks. So I figured ok, I'll have her stay up at night and go to sleep in the day so the three men, 2 of which is almost 3 times as old as her and the other being 4 times, would stop trying to make moves on the nudist lesbian 19 year old. Except they still try making moves on her when she is asleep! Apparently I got loving goons as my colonists, I'm having to make her room on the other side of the base, move the workshops I had her using over to there and seperating the colony between the three elder goons and the single young woman so the men stop going on food binges (I guess they really are goons) and poo poo because they keep getting rebuffed every 2 minutes.

E: Oh and the food binge mood break can eat a bag of dicks. I now build a wall to secure my precious survivor meals cause these assholes always grab those without fail when they binge.

Leal posted:

So uh, hey given a recent article this is actually how the game is programmed. I'm not going to go into the dumbass gender politics Tynan and his weird rear end name put into the romance system, just that because men consider all women age 20 to the age of themselves attractive older men will incessantly hit on females. Funnily enough, the best way to get around the stupid romance system causing mental breaks is to have a bunch of elderly women and young men because men don't want anyone 15 years older then them and women don't want anyone younger then them.

Helena Handbasket posted:

Does anybody have that one about a girl that's raised in squalor by super terrible parents and she sort of parents her siblings by default, and as an adult she gets in a relationship with a manchild and lives in misery and squalor and procreates with him and perpetuates the cycle? I feel like the last line is "you're the mommy now, kid" or words to that effect but googling that is not a productive move. It was so drat incisive and on point.

WHEEZY KISS A DUDE posted:

This is where you are wrong, I'm afraid.

These disgusting, deplorable human beings will find a woman who loves them, but it will not be a healthy woman nor will it be a healthy definition of love.

It will be a woman who grew up too fast. Maybe it was the result of a messy divorce, perhaps due to the death of one of their parents.

This girl will be thrust into the position of matriarch for their younger siblings, waking them up for school, packing their lunches, doing their laundry, cleaning the house. Helping with their homework. Of course, these younger siblings didn't know any better, and would routinely leave their dirty dishes laying around. And an older child already traumatized by the loss of a parent isn't going to want to make things any harder for the ones they need to take care of. After all, they just want them to be happy. So they adjust to cleaning up. They adjust to being yelled at when they are out of Twinkies. Maybe the little brother, who isn't so little anymore now that a few years has passed, gets really angry, shouts "YOU'RE NOT MOM!" and hits her a little. But it's ok, she understands, he's still grieving the loss, however metaphorical, of their mother and he's not really mad at her. He loves her.

They will equate love with mothering, and will extend into their romantic lives.

They will try to mother every guy they ever date. Most guys will catch on right away and kick her to curb, where she will bitch and complain about guys not appreciating her, how can they keep leaving me after I clean their apartment and cook them dinner every night?! I always make sure his bills are paid, his clothes are clean. I tell him he should wear the deep blue oxford shirt with the wheat colored tie to work.

Meanwhile, these man-children were obviously raised by a mother who cleaned up after them, cooked for them, cleaned for them. They were never told to clean their room; instead, it was cleaned over the weekend for them while they spent it at a friend's house. They were never told to do their laundry; they simply left it in a pile on the floor of the laundry room. In most cases, the father did the same thing, so they grew up equating romantic love as having a woman that cooked and cleaned and did the laundry while the man sat around in his boxers drinking beer and watching college football, flinging the remnants of buffalo wings hither, thither, and yon, hollaring to their wife to bring them another can of Schlitz and this time it had better be open. Maybe Daddy yelled a lot more by the time Saturday night rolled around, and it was the 3rd quarter of the UVA/VT game, and maybe he would accidentally hit Mommy, but not on purpose, just because he was excited, but she understood and it was always ok the next day. He wasn't mad at her. He loves her.

And they will meet women, somehow, and each one will run screaming when she sees his apartment, or on the off chance she's drunk enough not to notice, will gag and wretch when she undoes his fly and smells a crotch that hasn't been maintained for a week.

He won't understand why these girls don't want to take care of him, to clean his place up for him, to cook him dinner. He doesn't understand why they tell him to go gently caress himself when he asks if they can go to the laundromat for him. He just wants someone to care about him, which he thinks means someone to care for him.

Somehow, he'll wade throw a pile of soda cans, pizza boxes, shat-in underwear, cum tissues, and dirty dishes waist deep and find their way outside, dressed in their finest Pokemon t-shirts and cargo shorts and maybe go to a bar. He heard something about Guitar Hero night at this one place, and of course he always gets 99% on Through The Fire and The Flames on Expert Difficulty so it should be a good night.

Somehow, she'll be able to get out of the house for a night. Her friends, or more than likely, her one or two only friends in the world, girls she went to high school with who got knocked up at 17 and can sympathize with taking care of kids at such a young age, want to drag her to this bar that plays some stupid guitar video game so they can all laugh at the people who take it way too seriously.

They meet, they date, they start a relationship. And it's the most perfect storm of fuckeduperry since Hurricane Katrina.

She will cook and clean and wash and dry, and he will play video games and leave his dirty dishes out on the coffee table and his dirty clothes all over the bedroom floor, and she will happily clean up after him. She'll make sure he eats home-cooked meals, and he will make sure to never rinse his plates off and put them in the dishwasher. She'll bring him another Schlitz while he watches The World Series of Video Games, flinging those little cardboard holders that Hot Pockets have on them hither, thither, and yon. And maybe by the end of the Team Deathmatch round of Modern Warfare 2, he gets a little too excited and takes his frustration out on her, but it's ok because she understands that he's just mad at videogames and not her. He loves her. And he knows that she understands that he's not mad at her. He loves her.

They will be happy as surrogate mother and man-child, each enabling the other's hosed up psychological issues, until they, unfortunately, have a few children and she decides she's had enough, she's been reading books, she knows this isn't normal. She has two choices. She can leave him, or she can kill herself.

Mommy's gone now, honey. You're going to have to take care of your little brother and sister.

TheWeepingHorse posted:

Chopsticks are very normal kitchen equipment. I'm Jewish, and we always had a bunch lying around, for when you're eating rice dishes, or if you need to do stuff like flip frying things.

A HUNGRY MOUTH posted:

"Why would anyone do a thing that I, personally, don't do??" — Tiggum.txt

A HUNGRY MOUTH posted:

your questions are usually rhetorical

A HUNGRY MOUTH posted:

I hope that this blunt statement helps you absorb the exact thing my previous post should have imparted through humor and context, even though past experience has told me this is unlikely.

A HUNGRY MOUTH posted:

Oh, my mistake, then you were seriously asking why people would use an extremely common utensil suited to grab and manipulate pieces of food to grab and manipulate pieces of food, when other options (the ones you use) exist

Grassy Knowles posted:

You answered it. In the same post you posed the question. That's about as clear as rear end in a top hat rhetorical questions get.

yeah I eat rear end posted:

I think the more important question is why Tiggum thinks a spatula is called an "egg flipper".

Panic! at Nabisco posted:

What was that quote asking what Xzibit would exhibit at an Xzibit exhibit? I know it ended in "exquisite." Searched this and the last quotes thread and nothing came up.

Syd Midnight posted:

I guess modding is kinda like policing or political office in that the people who want to do it the most are people who should not be given that much authority under any circumstances, but the best people for the job don't like having to do it, so petty tyrants and psychopaths tend to outnumber the Cincinnatus types

Sometimes a country will ask someone like Albert Einstein or Stephen Hawking to be their Head of State but they're always like "lol no"

Calaveron posted:

But humans can both love unlike cold robots and have never ever followed the sacred laws of robotics

Tasteful Dickpic posted:

That's my favorite CAPTCHA. "To prove you are not a robot, injure a human, or through inaction allow a human to come to harm."

Solice Kirsk posted:

Goons trying to Weird Al an entire Beatles song around World of Warcraft is almost always universally unbearable.

Grandito posted:

I'm looking for a post that was most likely from the forums about a couple getting a horse that replaces the husband and makes him live in the stable. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

Unknown posted:

That horse mocks you. Do you hear the neighing? More like naying! That horse says no to you. The horse is the man of the house. You are the horse. Clop clop! Trot about to your dingy office, little horsey. Your wife kisses her husband-horse when you can't see. And then again when you can. She buys it shoes, finer than any you'll own. Its metal feet crush your soul. "This horse is now man!" it exclaims. "I am defeated!" you cry. The horse has beat you. Soon you'll be in the stall, eating dry, bland grasses, while the majestic Horseband ferries your wife about town. "Oh!" the city folk shall say as they drop to their knees as their muscles fail them at the sight of such a couple. "The horse is such a man!" they weep as they tear out their eyes, knowing they'll never see such beauty again. Your wife and the HorseGod shall laugh and eat gold together. Ha ha! And your tears shall be blood as you shrivel and turn to dust, forgotten in that stall outside the city where the HORSE is now Emperor Of All and Lover Of One. The citizens will genuflect before the great beast, paying whatever tithe the Hoofed One demands, be it of coin or flesh. The people will rejoice to do so, as their Great and Benevolent Equine shall make their crops plenty, and their lives ever long. The rotten stall shall collapse on your worm-eaten bones, and none shall remember a whit about you. Except the UrHorse, the original horse, who shall shed no tear, but blink in bitter recollection of that brief time he had to endure you.

Do not let this come to be. Shoot that horse. With your Glock. Eat its meat. Make a horse stew. Turn its bones into glue, and use it to glue the skull to your wall. Use its hooves to make a tasteless gelatin to encase its eyes in. Do it. Be the man of the house, not the man of the horse. He watches!

Solice Kirsk posted:

It's stuff contained with in bread so it's a sandwich. Just like calzones, perogies, and fruit pies.

Guy Goodbody posted:

I once read this feminist thing about how women are socially trained to always apologize for their own existence, basically. I just thought, good, that's halfway to everyone doing that.

Democratic Pirate posted:

I recently went to the grocery store to pick up some supplies for oyakodon since I wanted to try something new and the serious eats recipe seemed really easy. The recipe calls for 1 cup of dashi, and says you can use hondashi to make it. While at the store I missed the fact that hondashi is stock that you add to water to make dashi, so I bought 4 containers of hondashi to fill up a measuring cup as per the recipe. I realized my error when I got back home, and promptly hid the receipt + containers from my wife so I don't have to explain why I just bought $20 worth of fish stock that is used a teaspoon at a time.

Sixto Lezcano posted:

Is that a racist grandma name for Telephone or something?

Danger-Pumpkin posted:

I really like the nice-guy mafia man you play as. He has so much heart, and is clearly a nice and benevolent figure, thrust into a violent world which he is at odds with. This is evident in how he spared not only Frank's family, but Frank as well, and also in how he absolutely obliterated that housekeeper's skull with a baseball bat. That's integrity, and honor: the sort of thing you only see in a classy professional criminal organization, like the mafia.