treasure bear posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=An2qUIBWCLs

google THIS posted:

1.0 out of 5 stars Does not work
By NiceGuy69 on March 3, 2016
The "Lover Detection Technology" is faulty, because my phone told me the mattress had detected a lover and when I got to the apartment it turned out he was actually a fighter. So now I have a concussion and she told me never to speak to her again and changed her locks. Now I can't even get the mattress back to return it, so not only can I not get my money back but I wasted all that time finding her spare key and sneaking the mattress into her apartment while she was at work. I didn't even get a date out of it.

blaise rascal posted:

Ever wonder how many minutes have passed since you opened a thread? I would like to introduce the Yobclock.




I have a couple other ideas for ways to use the rotation to make static images animated. Sadly, I think scanimation is impossible. (That's this thing https://www.google.com/search?site=...447.xfsd6ReoYgY)

e: maybe fixed it a little

no they will not posted:

Here, I will explain it to you:

posting smiling posted:

if you want to turn this into a fight with me, then just know that there is giong to be 2 hits: thats you hitting my buttons, and me hitting log off, to go find a forum without trolls.

posting smiling posted:

yeah, punk: you hitting me where it hurts, and me hitting "i'm feeling lucky" on the google search for how to stand up to cyber bullying

RazzleDazzleHour posted:

We had chipmunks burrow under our garage and destroy some of our lawn, so we created a rube goldberg trap out of a bucket filled with food and a baseball base that would fall on top of the opening when a chipmunk climbed inside so we could take them to the park and let them out. We told our neighbor who said he had a recurring squirrel problem and had done the same thing. He started spraypainting the squirrel's tails so he could identify them, and it was the same squirrels coming miles from the park all the way back to his house. If you really want to solve your squirrel problem, there's only one thing to do.





You need to call the police and file a restraining order against the squirrels. Get a lawyer to attempt to secure property damage from them. If they're the invasive red squirrels like this thread has mentioned, contact immigration services to attempt to investigate their legality. If they don't have proper authorization, you might want to contact the Trump campaign. If he hears that illegal squirrel immigrants have come into your neighborhood and are lowering your property values, you're gonna get some national recognition. I don't know if he pays people that tell their stories on the campaign trail on his behalf, but honestly, if the squirrels are ruining your lawn anyways you might as well try to get a buck out of this situation.

FactsAreUseless posted:

Smart guy: I am Barack Obama. I am the logical president. I like to vote for logical things, such as XKCD comics or the television show Stephen Universe.

Dumb guy: I am columnist George F. Will. I like baseball, football, basketball, and just generally being a big dumb jock. I have sex all day, with many different kinds of women. My enemy is the logical president Barack Obama. We are rivals.

Smart guy: I will vote for health care. I will vote for overtime reform. I will vote for immigration enforcement changes. I am the logical man. I am Barack Obama.

Dumb guy: I am the powerful sex writer George F. Will. I have written about many things: taxes, Texas, ticks, and talking. I love sex. My penis is large, but my brain has a below-average number of folds.

Smart guy: I will destroy you with my sword. I will destroy you with my Japanese-style sword from a catalog. I remain Barack Obama, the president of logic.

Dumb guy: I also have a sword from a catalog, and mine has a confederate flag dragon on it. And yet, I am still George F. Will, the sex-having word master.

Smart guy: Then the heavens will shake.

FutonForensic posted:

⁸ And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹ A kickass RC quadcopter drone from RadioShack® appeared to them, and the glory of capitalism shone around them, and they were extremely into it. ¹⁰ The drone said to them, “Hang-ten my dudes. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all gamers. ¹¹ There's a Steam sale on. I got Civ 6 for like thirty percent off"

RazzleDazzleHour posted:

This is exactly what the enemies of freedom are waiting for. When everyday appliances have wifi access, every home in America could be completely crippled by a cyber attack.

Picture this: one day you're sitting at home. It's twelve-thirty, you're just getting out of bed. You put on some soft afternoon lounge jazz to make yourself an enjoyable brunch. You get out two eggs for an omelette, along with an assortment of peppers, onion, and some of those fancy grinders for the pepper and ground salt. You set the timer on your iPhone for the cheese grater, and set two small chunks of cheddar nearby. The stove's on, the eggs are cooking. As you get the cutting board out, you check your phone again. The cheese grater isn't responding. You try again. Nothing. You ping the cheese grater again and again. No response. The eggs are burning. You collapse. It's happened. They've won.

DOPE FIEND KILLA G posted:

ever notice on of your fingers isn't quite like the others? little stubbier? that's called a 'thumb' it might look like just a dumb lovely finger but it actually serves a function rly similar to those extra buttons they hide on the other side of your shirt fabric, just peel a little flesh off of that 'thumb' and see if you can squeeze it into that cut. thumbs are just evolution's way of making sure we have some extra skin and stuff in case of an emergency that's why they're stuck on the side of your hand

death sext posted:

Piso, I'm worried about your safety, so I made you an escape ship in case Lowtax comes after you for this black market venture

gently caress My rear end posted:

bringing back some epic win from GBS

alnilam posted:

can someone think of a spring version of my av like maybe a flower and a bird in there or something

e: orig

Manifisto posted:

joke_explainer posted:

Delta Airlines Loyalty Program Terms and Conditions

1. Delta’s Loyalty program is open to any person in any country that has not prohibited participation in loyalty programs.
   
   
2. Corporations and/or non-person entities cannot be enrolled as members.
   
   
3. Members must provide full true name to participate in the Loyalty program. Full true name means the given name, middle name, if any, and family or surname. Additionally, any bloodline names, clan names, or any other name essential for any type of incantation. Full name must be the same on the Member’s passport or any other valid travel document (i.e. Visa, Resident Alien Card, identicube). Members will be assigned an individual membership number upon enrollment which must be printed upon the Member's body permanently. Members also will receive a digital membership token that may be implanted in the wrist to speed up processing.
   
   
4. Membership numbers are non-transferable.
   
   
5. Membership is limited to a single Loyalty program account.
   
   
6. Members may not maintain a relationship with any other airline, as they have sworn loyalty to Delta Airlines. Additionally, members are to refuse outside contact from other airlines. If another Airline attempts to service you, you must inform Delta Airlines immediately as a matter of honor.
   
   
7. Loyalty contract validity remains in full force until the death of the participating member.
   
   
8. Death before dishonor.
   
   
9. (classified)
   
   
10. Participating members in good standing are eligible for training at the Delta Sky Club Lounge & Monastery for initiation into martial secrets. Guests may be admitted with participating members with an oath of secrecy bound in blood.
    
    
11. To enroll your child in the Loyalty program, they must first complete three rites of passage to prove their worthiness to access the benefits of lifelong loyalty to Delta. At the conclusion of these rites, they are considered a legally distinct entity and duty of care transfers to Delta Airlines.
    
    
12. All Loyalty members must heed the call when the Delta War Horn is sounded or the ancient fires of DEN/LAX/SFC/ORD/JFK are lit.
    
    
13. Members are to abide by all relevant laws in every jurisdiction in which they travel, except where it conflicts with the wishes of Delta Airlines.
    
    
14. Members may not injure a Delta employee or, through inaction, allow a Delta employee to come to harm.
    
    
15. Members must obey orders given to them by Delta Employees, except where such orders would conflict with the previous directive.
    
    
16. Members must protect their own existence as long as such does not conflict with the last two directives.