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Hey! I saw that some of you guys weren't happy with the quality of my writing, and I totally understand. I've been dealing with a cross-country move these past few weeks (selling a ton of furniture, finding a new apartment, drug dealer, etc.) and I honestly haven't had the time that a site as great as this deserves. I know that a lot of the people criticizing my writing are likely also comedy writers themselves, or people who've always wanted to give writing for the front page a shot. So I'll tell you what: for next Monday's article, I'll publish the funniest originally written piece someone from this thread sends me. I'll obviously give you total credit and the fee. My email address is asterios.kokkinos@gmail.com. Please include your SA forums username in the article. Thanks!
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Apr 25, 2016 05:08
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scott zoloft posted:i'll take your challenge. Otisburg posted:i'll take ur challenge u son of a bitch, i'm the best there's ever been Please do! Looking forward to reading it.
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Apr 25, 2016 23:41
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GlitchThief posted:What would be even funnier is if you posted the bad submissions, to shame them. Eh, that's not really my style of comedy, although that would be funny. I mean honestly, SA's had the same writers for a while now, and I think it'd be cool to expose the audience to some new voices.
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Apr 26, 2016 19:24
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Wanamingo posted:This is literally something MRAs believe Ok! That was written by a woman but I hear you.
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Apr 27, 2016 04:04
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Wanamingo posted:Women can be lovely too but thank you for the quick reply Of course! Hope you submit, would love to see your stuff.
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Apr 27, 2016 13:55
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Nope, nobody submitted anything.
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May 12, 2016 21:19
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scott zoloft posted:initially I was intrigued by your challenge. but I don't have much of a response to "let's see if you can do better" because I really just wanted you to do better. at least some of the people in this thread like a lot of your stuff and just know you can do better. What low effort throwaways? I honestly don't get this criticism. If anything, graphical content takes more time to create than prose-only content. It's easy to go "hurr hurr u made six JPGs cant believe LOWTAX gave u MY TENBUX" but it can be harder to write & design graphic one-liners than a five hundred word article. That's like judging how good a painting is based on the size of the canvas. It's dumb. Something else you might not realize: graphical content performs a lot better, because people like retweeting and sharing graphic-driven comedy. http://www.somethingawful.com/news/star-wars-spoilers/ <-- this got retweeted by Carrie Fisher from the red carpet of The Force Awakens premiere to her one million followers. http://www.somethingawful.com/news/donald-trump-contradictions/ <-- these got so much traffic that people started stealing the JPGs, and Lowtax had to go after content thieves. http://www.somethingawful.com/news/more-tombstone-goofs/ <-- these were featured on the front page of the Huffington Post. I have a shitload more examples of this, but you guys seem to want every article to be filled with hundreds and hundreds of lines of text. If that's what you like, awesome, read someone else's stupid bullshit. My stupid bullshit has a lot of graphics in it. It's hard to argue the merits of comedy because it's entirely subjective. But calling the poo poo I produce low-effort is just stupid. Jesus christ, the thing I made yesterday took loving forever. Asterios fucked around with this message at 18:54 on May 17, 2016 |
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May 17, 2016 17:40
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scott zoloft posted:That's like painting one painting, copying and pasting it 6 times, and then calling it 6 paintings. Jesus christ, are you getting paid to be a pedantic rear end in a top hat or something? Because A) I am, and B) you know what I'm trying to say here. It's dumb to judge comedy based on reuse. They did The Blues Brothers on SNL a few times, then they used it to make one of the best movies of all time. I made some dumb tombstone jokes, people liked them, I made more of them. If you think this is lazy, whatever. Asterios fucked around with this message at 19:16 on May 17, 2016 |
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May 17, 2016 19:10
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scott zoloft posted:i don't think either of us think that the amount of shares or tweets something gets is an accurate metric for how funny something is. Yeah, I totally agree with this, just look at Jay Leno. Just because it's popular doesn't mean it's funny. But I also think it's my job to help the site stay alive. I've been reading the front page since 2001. 15 years later I'm lucky enough writing for it, and I'm looking to bring in views and shares so Lowtax can buy his kids diapers. A lot of that comes down to creating content that works in new formats, like graphic heavy stuff.
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May 17, 2016 20:50
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John Dyne posted:The issue I have, and I think others have, is that your articles are mostly just lists. They're a style of humor the site really hasn't used in such an obvious fashion, and they're generally seen as weak content-wise. If people don't like list-form comedy, I can't blame them. It's a format -- I know plenty of people who hate longform improv, or YouTube sketch, and it's just their taste. I grew up watching Conan, which had a ton of lists, so it's just something that's always stuck with me. Stuff like Actual Items, In The Year 2000, Celebrity Survey...some of those punchlines still make me laugh decades later. Another thing I like about list content is how well it works on mobile. For example, 90% of Twitter's traffic is mobile. We're all looking for bullshit to read while we're on line at the pharmacy or on the bus or whatever, and it's easier to plow through quick punchlines than an essay. And because the stuff's small and graphical, you can attach some of the gags to a tweet, which gives people the chance to read a punchline or two before they decide to click. I grew up writing longform content, and reading Something Awful, so I totally get why people like it. It's just really hard for me to promote it. I think that stuff plays well on Medium, where they've trained their audience to pay attention. But so little of SA's traffic comes from people visiting the front page that it's just easier for me to target people on social, and people on social find value in shorter stuff. Asterios fucked around with this message at 16:55 on May 18, 2016 |
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May 18, 2016 16:52
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Yeah, sorry I'm not contributing comedic gems like yours:Pittsburgh Lambic posted:it's all fun and games and farts that go *poooooooot* until you suddenly let out a fart that goes *thrrrrrrrrrp* and are sent scrambling to the restroom with sagging work pants
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May 23, 2016 05:10
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Pittsburgh Lambic posted:yes, by all means turn into a defensive little poo poo comparing the shitposts of a shitposting forum goon to the garbage that you're inexplicably getting paid to write on the front page Well, at least you admitted you're a worthless loving shitposter. Pittsburgh Lambic posted:
That story will actually be in my book, which comes out this November in bookstores nationwide! Asterios fucked around with this message at 08:16 on May 23, 2016 |
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May 23, 2016 08:08
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scott zoloft posted:what's your book going to be about? Fake toys.
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May 23, 2016 15:43
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scott zoloft posted:i liked today's picto-article, too Thanks, dude!
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May 23, 2016 21:24
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Symbolic Butt posted:Yeah, I remember Asterios' first appearance was my favorite episode for a long time. Welp, looking forward to your own regular podcast Asterios! Thanks, dude! Probably towards the end of the year.
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Jun 6, 2016 11:14
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gleebster posted:http://www.somethingawful.com/news/japanese-mcnugget-burgler/ I just want to be considered for McNuggetburglary...is that so wrong...
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Jun 21, 2016 01:01
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scott zoloft posted:what did we ever do to you You started a hate thread about my writing?
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Jul 3, 2016 01:15
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scott zoloft posted:no, I made an encouragement thread. "Waaah waaaahhh the content from the Monday writer isn't the type I'm used too"
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Jul 3, 2016 15:38
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scott zoloft posted:I never said it's not what I'm used to. I said it wasn't very good! Oh! Then gently caress you twice
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Jul 3, 2016 19:37
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Davoren posted:Turns out you're not good at front page articles or posting! You know who'd disagree with you? The thousands and thousands of people who liked and shared my front page article this week. But my posting is bad. If only I were more like you, a guy who makes post after post about how to raise imaginary video game birds! Davoren posted:So if I understand race chocobo breeding correctly, the stats themselves don't matter as much as the maximums, so there's no point in not retiring my first chocobo when it hits 40?
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Jul 13, 2016 01:46
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RestingB1tchFace posted:Sorry.....but that article was a flop. No laughs had. You seem really, really sorry to say that.
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Jul 13, 2016 03:23
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Davoren posted:Much in the same way as I don't need to write front page articles to comment on them, I can be a bad poster and recognise bad posting. In fact it helps! Have fun training up that golden chocobo in your mid-thirties.
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Jul 13, 2016 14:09
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Rollersnake posted:That sure was a mediocre Buzzfeed article. If you think you can do better, offer's still on the table. I'd rather read your funniest article than your lame loving insults.
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Jul 15, 2016 02:54
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Wanamingo posted:Calm down, Asterios. Go gently caress yourself, buddy.
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Jul 15, 2016 15:57
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Savant Lard posted:I thought the GB article was pretty good. Asterios has clearly captured the prototype for a reviewer beaten down by the potential for any negative public opinion, to the point where even their manner of speaking is non-threatening. [Well, that's how I read it.] Thanks, dude! That's nice of you to say!
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Jul 15, 2016 18:04
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Writing just a straight ahead parody would have been boring. A lovely film review already reads like a parody.
Asterios fucked around with this message at 12:51 on Jul 18, 2016 |
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Jul 18, 2016 12:28
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Sham bam bamina! posted:Fair enough! Thank you very much!
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Jul 18, 2016 18:32
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 SIX THINGS DONALD TRUMP COULD SAY AND STILL GET ELECTED https://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2016/08/six-things-donald-trump-could-say-and-still-get-el.html
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Aug 9, 2016 19:58
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New article up! "The Fact That Hillary Secretly Murdered Dozens Shows She’s Ready To Lead"  http://www.somethingawful.com/news/hillary-murderer-endorsement/ Also: new episode of my PokemonGo Let's Play, where I try my best to not get killed walking around with a laptop in NYC: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANtByVkINk4
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Aug 16, 2016 16:18
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New pieces up! First, for Paste Magazine's Nostalgia issue: You Are Now Living At Mad TV  https://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2016/09/you-are-now-living-at-mad-tv.html Second, today's new front page piece: Chicago U: No Safe Spaces, Trigger Warnings, Protection From Bears  http://www.somethingawful.com/news/university-chicago-trigger/ Asterios fucked around with this message at 11:46 on Sep 5, 2016 |
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Sep 5, 2016 11:41
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My first and therefore greatest book so far is up for pre-order! Here's what people YOU might respect said: 
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Sep 21, 2016 13:21
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| # ¿ May 4, 2024 03:39 |
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gleebster posted:I honestly mean this, but mean no insult, when I say I don't give a poo poo. For a guy who doesn't give a poo poo about me you sure do talk about me a lot.
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Sep 24, 2016 05:07
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