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bringmyfishback posted:...the headmaster of my school... [in a story set in the US] For anyone who didn't follow the last thread, the Not Always X series of bullshit publishers make very heavy edits to their submissions to make them more cookie-cutter same-y. The editors (tbh probably just one guy) are apparently from the UK, so stories submitted from the US by Americans will occasionally have incongruous Britishisms. The example from this story isn't the most egregious, but still.
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Apr 17, 2016 06:09
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jodai posted:That's good to know. I thought there were just a lot of weeaboos but for British culture that submitted stuff. Those pop up from time to time. Usually Dr. Who obsessives, of course.
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Apr 17, 2016 15:55
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I remember that onebut also can't find it. It was some guy (thought it was a dude) who was all "yeah I p much never run and but I just had all this pent up energy so I went for a run an got [world-record time] which I guess is a good start" and doubled down when called out with "hey I had a LOT of pent up energy from sitting around how could you doubt me??"
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Apr 24, 2016 18:15
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System Metternich posted:Uh, can someone translate me this into English? I have no idea what that's supposed to mean. Who's Harry? It took a sec for it to click for me, because I thought "1D" might've been some obscure sizing system, then realized it refers to boypop group 1 Direction. Harry is presumably a member. It should now make more sense but hooooly poo poo is it stupid.
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Apr 25, 2016 08:06
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There have to be Victorian-era Holmes/Watson slashfics hidden somewhere.
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Apr 25, 2016 14:22
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BrigadierSensible posted:Late on the paedo/molestation chat, but let me say it is just as creepy from the other end. I wouldn't say just as creepy (an adult doing it is way creepier than a dumb kid), but it is unnerving in its own way. As adults, though, we have a lot more power to get them to knock it off than the reverse situation.
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Apr 29, 2016 06:31
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The way some STDH writers switch to needless ALL CAPS partway through is annoying, but this one made it seem like the "comely stranger" just suddenly started shrieking at the top of his lungs, which is at least kinda funny. TheKennedys posted:If you're not pronouncing it "coopin" like Ron White you're doing it wrong. With a completely straight face. Had a customer for real pronounce it like that back when I did my time in retail and I thought it was mildly rad.
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May 4, 2016 03:48
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chitoryu12 posted:Where the hell do these come from? Looks like someone resurrected/remade the random STDH generator from the last thread.
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May 26, 2016 08:46
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Furia posted:That's a thing? Didn't even know/notice. I've always liked that a lot of naturally-occurring STDH has about the same level of coherence as the generator. MonoAus posted:person (who happens to be white): "I suck dick for a living" *starts to sing bohemian rhapsody* 
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May 27, 2016 06:32
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I like that "update whatever" and dropping numbered updates lets the reader know exactly when the writer decided to drop trying to be even kindasorta within the same continent as plausibility.
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Jun 16, 2016 16:59
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I mean, I'm no apple
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Jun 26, 2016 18:27
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I got to the part where a pair of STDH dudebro Trump voters appear, realized how long the story is, and checked out. Envying you guys with the sense to stop before that point. I was mostly confused about why, early on, the writer claims to not be that big a GB fan and never even saw the original movies, but then goes on to geek out over every little GB-related little detail 
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Jul 17, 2016 11:12
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baquerd posted:It's probably just that it's coming from a 12-yr old without the best understanding of the world. This. It really reads to me like he's still a middle schooler - but with above-average writing ability for his age - trying to pass himself off as an adult reminiscing about the past. The fixation on "jocks" and believing in the common American myth that every student has some kind of centralized, universally-viewable "permanent record" are tells.
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Aug 23, 2016 02:19
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some troper posted:I've openly stated and proven that I'm not afraid to kill someone Stated and proven? Is he saying he's actually killed people before? Sneaky way of qualifying for this thread.
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Sep 18, 2016 09:50
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I know I'm not the first one here to mention STDH screencaps that include a useless comment, but seriously they're like a canned laugh track on a lovely sitcom.
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Sep 18, 2016 18:18
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I spent two minutes too long (two minutes total) trying to work out what the supposed scenario here even is, and best I could work out is a writing/language class that opens with an informal, ungraded writing exercise, with a prompt that students copy from the board into their notebooks, as a warm-up before getting to the main meat of the day's lesson. But that wouldn't explain why the prompt and answer are in different handwritings... then I realized I was spending time and energy analyzing a poorly thought-out STDH and reckon I need to take a break from this thread 
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Sep 22, 2016 01:45
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BrigadierSensible posted:Dude overhears an argument, (which apparently started over a creep ogling the couples daughters who are not mentioned again)... ...huh? Did we read the same STDH? edit: ohhhhh I just realized how you misinterpreted it, but holy poo poo that's a sideways reading of the sentences. Mr. Belpit has a new favorite as of 09:21 on Sep 22, 2016 |
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Sep 22, 2016 09:16
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Just add a few "no wait, actually..." self-corrections and this would read almost exactly like those guys who verbally make up STDH on the spot.
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Sep 29, 2016 04:50
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Tunicate posted:Wife: “I’ll have the [Burger] with fries.” oh gently caress off
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Oct 8, 2016 04:26
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Bertrand Hustle posted:Wasn't it established last time around that "marshmallow girl" is an actual thing that refers to curvy girls with a little extra weight, not obese cosplayers? This, and it's also a fairly recent social movement started by advocacy groups and not the long-standing cultural cornerstone the story makes it sound like.
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Jan 2, 2017 04:58
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Jerry Cotton posted:The most unbelievable bit is a burglar picking a lock for some mysterious reason. On a house that's presumably lit, considering the guy was in it sharpening his toy.
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Jan 2, 2017 10:23
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bean_shadow posted:
I mean, everything else you listed def belongs in this thread, but "isn't up to date on football" is completely believable if she's not interested in football. 
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Jan 18, 2017 04:33
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Khazar-khum posted:If you're in a city with a team, that poo poo is everywhere and pretty much impossible to ignore. I grew up in cities with teams in multiple major sports. It's easy to ignore if you don't really care about it.
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Jan 18, 2017 10:42
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Antivehicular posted:I mean, this is obviously bullshit, but to pick it apart further: even if the issues that killed the one baby weren't obvious via prenatal screening, wouldn't the situation have been obvious, or announced? It's not like the woman was locked in an isolation chamber while the doctors said "ma'am, your baby's... great, just great! Give us a moment, please, to assemble paperwork about how great your baby is" and ran off to try and see if there was a spare baby on the floor they could swap out, all while one ventriloquism-trained nurse (mandatory in Screwball Comedy L&D Units) held the stillborn and made crying noises, in medicine's well-documented "Weekend at Baby's Procedure." I like the implication that "single mother" must obviously mean "completely alone in the world with no other family who might be interested in the incoming baby's welfare". Nevermind the living kid and parents finding out the hard way they're genetically unrelated somewhere down the line and having no clue how or why. Thankfully the story didn't happen.
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Jan 31, 2017 10:20
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So taking it all in, we can be super generous to the STDH writer and say it's plausible if by "antique" they mean "like 20-60 years old", the cello's condition before repair was "busted-up husk", the "repair" consisted of prettying it up enough to use as bullshit wall décor, and everything took place in a hippie commune.
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Feb 14, 2017 01:25
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I love these sheltered suburbanite tropers adding qualifiers to their mundane childhood bumps and bruises to try and sound like it's a miracle they survived. I think one of them earlier mentioned that they fell in "the hard Arizona dirt" in an effort to make "I fell and it kinda hurt a little" sound badass. That, and the ubiquitous "my doc couldn't explain it!!!" because their family pediatrician was certainly not just giving a good-natured talking-up to the bruised 10-year-old who took it way seriously. What I'm saying is that I have an especial love for the troper stories that probably did happen but are weirdly glorified unremarkable happenings. More of those, please.
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Feb 23, 2017 00:44
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CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:I wonder what faux gangster could be code for white guy who "acts black"?
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Feb 26, 2017 11:52
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Jerry Cotton posted:Apropos, are fourth-graders commonly called students instead of pupils? Growing up in the US, I associated "pupils" with very old white people and Europeans, in terms of who actually used that word.
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Mar 9, 2017 14:43
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Captain Monkey posted:
I can appreciate how the -in total shock-line neatly separates the part that possibly happened from the milquetoast revenge fantasy.
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Mar 19, 2017 15:56
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Captain Monkey posted:
- no letterhead - handwritten, poorly - what school sends letters home on lined paper? - it suggests that the student is in grade school, but I'm Pretty Sure video gamew classes are only in college or higher - no way an elementary school would recommend a student stay up all night - What school administration would sign a form lettervas "the school"? not even trying - getting low grades in one class is enough for expulsion? bullshit Guys, pretty sure this is bullshit and obviously written by a student for zany internet points. Mr. Belpit has a new favorite as of 23:33 on Apr 19, 2017 |
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Apr 19, 2017 23:30
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Zipperelli. posted:So, if it's widely known what MLMs are, and how much of a scam they are, why do people still buy into that garbage?
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Apr 28, 2017 06:40
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I like that the guy in the second story helpfully launched into story exposition mode.
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Apr 30, 2017 08:21
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Verisimilidude posted:
and you just know this guy's against unions, minimum wage increases, workers standing up against management, etc.
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May 21, 2017 06:28
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RenegadeStyle1 posted:I have alot of questions about this story. He is from a small conservative christian town but English isn't his first language? I got the vibe that he was trying to allude to middle america so I guess it could be another country. He's black and the city is run by the KKK but his Uncle who impregnated his mom who I also assume is black and is in a high position of power within the town? He said it was like being the only black kid in a KKK town, not that he literally was. Also the USA isn't the only country in the world with stultifying religious conservative rural small towns. His story is obviously stdh, but it certainly wasn't confusing nor incomprehensible.
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May 25, 2017 16:37
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This page: "Someone says a customer made an absentminded, but overall mundane, mistake? Calling bullshit on that." Last page: "A 13-year-old kid says he accidentally replaced Michael Jackson on stage and totally pulled off his song and dance to a roaring crowd, then became close personal friends with MJ for life? Yeah, that probably happened." Just like that between last page and this we got two extremes of credulity.
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Jun 27, 2017 04:24
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I like to imagine this one's true, except the prof will use it to demonstrate and debunk common antivax disinformation.
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Aug 7, 2017 22:11
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I wish I could remember which actual published book I read as a kid where a character "goggled" a line, which was the moment I became very aware of that bad writing habit.
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Oct 26, 2017 23:30
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I love that it all supposedly happened in the course of a week.
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Nov 2, 2017 15:32
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Wow, it's been a good couple years since I've seen an Achewood derail. Really takes me back.
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Nov 4, 2017 05:48
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hyperhazard posted:This always boggles my mind--she could have saved face if she'd gone "Oops, I meant kilometers, not miles." But nope, time to double-down. I thought the easy out would've been "haha I was just being superlative didn't mean it literally XD I didn't measure the exact time/dist anyway but it felt like I was going so fast" or along those lines, but yeah she moronically doubled down.
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Nov 12, 2017 09:30
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