La Brea Carpet posted:

Comment reply from dog dad:

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

ins and outs

quote:

Dear Reddit,

Sorry, long read, but I need help. I’m living together with a wonderful, intelligent man with a great sense of humour.

However, there are some things so seriously wrong in the way we interact, that if they’re not resolved, I don’t think we have a future. I don’t want to break up: I love him and think we’re (mostly) great together.

But. He’s either spent too much time on Reddit, or just naturally has a very science/ data oriented mind, probably a combination of both. As a result, he won’t believe anything unless he himself has confirmed it, or has been provided with sources as proof.

Example (and this may not sound like much, but in the long line of things he’s refused to believe, it’s just the latest): he was going on a trip and was looking at transport to the station. I had just the previous day returned from the same station. He comes and says he has to change the underground twice. I said that once is enough and explained what I’d done. He barely lets me finish and just says that the travel planner told him to change twice, so that’s what he’s going to do. Which is fine, up to him.

After five minutes, he comes back and *explains to me* the travel option that requires changing underground only once. I couldn’t help but say, ‘Yeah, that’s what I tried telling’. He gets upset that I’m accusing him of not believing me, and eventually starts shouting and doesn’t get the irony of saying ‘it’s not that I don’t believe you … I just wanted to *verify*’ in the same sentence. And I get it, when travelling, maybe you want to check for yourself, but the fact that he doesn’t even *admit* that I was trying to give him that information, or that I was right, is very frustrating.

This happens all the time: whether it’s travel info, thermodynamics, best route to take, how things are cooked, whether white rice is good for you, what I read on the internet – if it comes from me, it is not believed. Sure, having sources is great in general, and I do like the fact that if neither one of us knows something, he will look it up and pass on to me, too.

But always backing every single claim you make in casual conversation with sources is tedious, and I find it insulting and degrading. He, of course, is not required to provide sources for his *doubts*: it is always me who should be able to quote scientific articles to back up my claims. (I’m getting so angry just writing this!) As a result, I’ve started talking to him less, can’t be bothered to even try and make a point or tell interesting stuff, and definitely will not ever attempt to correct him if I think he’s wrong.

The other thing is that when he is stressed, he is completely incapable of empathy (side note: this is actually not that uncommon, particularly in men, but funnily enough, I can’t find the link right now). Unfortunately, the hurt or discomfort of his loved ones makes him very stressed, if he wasn’t already. That means that if e.g. I break my arm, or complain that I’m going insane at work, he attacks me, tells me he can’t deal, that it’s all too much, that I shouldn’t have talked about it when he is already stressed about work.

Basically he has told me not to tell him I have problems, if he is stressed and has repeatedly *scolded* me for causing him extra stress with my worries. I'm trying not to load my stuff on him, I'm trying to be considerate to when I can tell he's tired, but I just don't know how to always be careful about his moods at moments when I'm feeling in need of support too.

I cannot deal with this anymore. It’s turning me into a tired, scared, cornered mouse, and we’re drifting apart because I am too tired to address these issues for fear of being attacked and told that I’m wrong (, which is repeated until I give in and apologise (days, if needed)).

He is not a bad man. He can be very caring, when he has the mental/ emotional space for it. Unfortunately my daily life and troubles don’t always follow his convenience. He is great to talk to and knows a lot about many things. In that I think we complement each other, because we’re from different fields and could give each other insight into different *sciences*.

This, of course, is just my side of the story. I’m not perfect either. I’m prone to depression and anxiety (yes, diagnosed), I’ve had serious health issues in the past year (all sorted), which doesn’t exactly make one jolly and cheery. I worry whether I’m loved, understood, respected, appreciated and can get a bit passive-aggressive. It feels like this relationship is only highlighting my own issues, not helping me grow and get better at dealing with them.

To be able to be in this relationship and make it work, I think we would need to go to counselling or do something similar at home. But I’m afraid he won’t hear out my suggestions.


This is where the help comes in: would you know of any scientifically proved or data backed methods of couple’s therapy that we could try at home, or keywords to look for in a counsellor (if possible, links please)? Any ideas on how to improve our communication and interaction? Anything I can do?

Also, I’m just starting CBT for the depression and anxiety, so if you think there’s something here that I should particularly address in therapy, or questions to ask the counsellor, I’d love to hear.

**TL;DR**: SO requires sources for everything and can be compassionate only when perfectly relaxed. Ideas on how to deal?

**Edit**: Thank you so much to everyone who's commented so far! It's been really helpful and I appreciate the support. I'm not able to reply to all, but have read all comments, and will keep on reading, so do continue. I'll try and collect the best ones to some kind of a note for myself to support me in a serious discussion with BF (probably over the weekend), and will look into the therapies suggested and books recommended.

It's been really good and empowering to hear that: it's not all just in my head and I am not mad, and that this is serious enough to 'warrant' a breakup. However this goes, I am feeling more hopeful about the future - whether it's with him or without.

Pick posted:

Oh my god, Hugh's been cheating on me this whole time!!

BOOTY-ADE posted:

What if he not only has 2 buttoles, but 2 butt cracks and 3 cheeks? Like Total Recall anus

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

What's the deviant significance of hairbands

quote:

My wife [30F] of 2 years and I [30M] can't agree on our child's name. What should I do?

My son is due in 10 days.

When we started looking at names, there were a few early contenders, names like Cale, Miles, Brooks, Bennet, etc. Pnurtis was mentioned early, but it was initially thrown out because I really didn't care for it much. She knows this–she's always known this. She seems to like the name because "....it's unique and it sounds hot". In my opinion, terrible, superficial reasons. I asked her to compromise and for awhile it looked like it was going to be either Brennan (my choice and what I thought was a great compromise) or Cale.

Fast forward to now and she is again insistent we name our son Pnurtis, her reasons being that she is carrying the child and the final say goes to her. Total BS. I don't know what to do and am at a loss. I really don't want to fight anymore over this, but I'm finding it so hard to give in and name what could be our only kid a name that I just do not like at all.

I really shouldn't be sounding off here, but I really need advice. Help me.

TLDR: Our son is due in 10 days and my wife is insists we name our son Pnurtis despite me hating the name. She will not compromise.

TOOT BOOT posted:

Pnurtis and his brother Pnus

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Catfished for sure


also my water just broke

Zzulu posted:

Maybe you just pissed yourself

Lockback posted:

It's a great Xmas movie. That and Die Hard make for great movies while wrapping presents for kids.



Behold: A really sleazy lawyer and a really, really dumb person.


Why would a lawyer [60ish/M] want to have sex with me [27/F]? What does he want to gain from this?

Blue Train posted:

Well it's not like you would get it from some poo poo community college right? If the cost isn't at least 20k per semester why even go

Pick posted:

A neighbor growing up went into equine massage and makes a living doing that.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I do think using the creative part of your brain is really awesome and adults aren't really encouraged to do it enough. It doesn't have to be a physical object - performance is similar. Gonna out myself here but I actually think, as silly as it is, forum posting in a way that makes others laugh on purpose is a lot more life-affirming than watching tv or playing a video game or whatever. I'm not saying I hate or look down on people who don't do that stuff at all, but I would encourage them to change because like, there's a whole world of positive feelings and purpose and fun you only experience if you turn that part of your brain back on. (Pretty much every young child is effortlessly creative, then it gets metaphorically beaten out of you in school.)

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

pretend I post the entirety of the text of infinite jest here (jestse?)

Pick posted:

Avshalom's post history should be a book. Like you could format it as one and it'd be like House of Leaves but not suck

ArbitraryC posted:

how is a 28 year old knocking people up by accident. Like I can almost vaguely understand that kind of thing happening to teenagers with our sad state of sex ed but twenty loving eight and still a big ol moron.

Charles Get-Out posted:

I [28M] just used a cam site and not sure if I should tell my girl [24F]


24-hour "off and on" $200 cam porn binge

Haifisch posted:

SO (34M) with a family history of alcoholism got extremely mad at me (25F) because I finished off a beer before throwing it out.

/r/relationships: That guy needs to see a therapist loving bad but for some reason doesn't.

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

Elsa posted:

I am going to smash your father's dick with my pussy hammer. What did you want in your lunch tomorrow?