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financially racist posted:oh christ i decided to try some grain alcohol to see what it tasted like lol you can still taste alcohol u wuss im drunk all day everyday and if i exhale through a cigarette it bscomes a low rent flamethrower 🔥
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Feb 26, 2017 05:24
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| # ¿ May 11, 2024 21:11 |
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i liek to start fights at. Bars and tell dudes to punch me in the liver so they shatter their knuckles on my ossified liquor organ
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Feb 26, 2017 05:26
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Nichael posted:due to your name, i imagine that when someone presses you, santorum comes gushing out of your orifices. is this correct??? its more strategic. like when a squid releases ink to evade predators
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Feb 26, 2017 05:34
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Nichael posted:this makes me think of zoidberg in a new and terrible light i had a dumb idea for a skit based on my username where cumshitter is like a bond film and its starts off with the villain, Cummshitter, hijacking every tv feed in the world to demand $100 tirllion or else he will blow up the earth his moon lazer. excep hes naked and as hes making his deamnd hes getting railed up the rear end by a big gburly dude "If you do not *unfff* acquiesce to my *aawww yeahh* dmeands you will all die *ooooohh yeahhhh thats the spot*" then it cuts to james bond fighting cumshitter in his flaming moonbase and every time bond punches cumshitter he shits cum and theyre sliding around awkwardly aan dbond is covered in jizzm and he breaks down and starts sobbing about how this is the worst mission ehes ever been on and then cumshiter laughs maniaclly and starts peeing on bond zoom out. cumshitter is sitting in front of the studio board and theyre watching Cumshitte: The Movie and the lead studio execc asks "Now, Mr. Briggenmeier, I want you to answer this question honestly. If you don't, this is going to be a long, painful meeting. Did you or did you not use the $150 million we gave you to produce a disgusting, gay pornographic film starring yourself?" "Yes." "Good. I'm glad we could get past that. Get out, you're fired. I will personally ensure you never work in this town again." *goldfinger song but with goldfinger replaced with cumshitter starts playing*
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Feb 26, 2017 05:50
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Bert Roberge posted:I think American Dad already beat you to it. *sad wet fart*
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Feb 26, 2017 05:55
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Nichael posted:"Now, Mr. Briggenmeier, I want you to answer this question honestly. If you don't, this is going to be a long, painful meeting. Did you or did you not use the $150 million we gave you to produce a disgusting, gay pornographic film starring yourself?" i think this is what the wachoswki twins were going for fun fact: i worked at Warner Bros for a bit and when youre a new employee they give you a free studio tour after the "how to not sexually harass people in the work place" part of the training. this is universal for all employees, whether u are an exec or working in the tour/gift shop section like i did part of the tour includes a vehicle muesuem where you can see the live action scooby doo van next to the dummies they used from that scene from the matrix 3 where all the agent smiths are standing on the side of the road watching neo and the gang have a high speed action fight on cars. half the actors were real and each one reached into a dummy with a stick that turned the head of the dummy. t hats how they got the shot anyway i pointed out that the little standdee placard thing that described the car and the movie it was from incorrectly said "the washowski brothers" and wrote an anonymous note to hr saying they should correct it to read "twins" but they never acted on it. or maybe they did. i didnt care enough to actually check after writing an email to them
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Feb 26, 2017 06:02
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btw studios are terrible to work for and during the hiring process they did a background cehck on me and i actually read the form and part of it said, "Do you want to receive a copy of your background check? Check [ ] Yes or [ ] No." i checked [x] Yes and even though it was a $7.50 per hour position they literally did a full, 20 page background check on me that included checking my information against the FBI's Top Ten Most Wanted list for comparison i found one of the security redbooks and the pilot of the nezzer kanezzer from the matrix was barred fromt he studio and for the picture of him they used a shot from the movie of him freaking out as the plane crashed. apparently he made death threats to one of the producers
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Feb 26, 2017 06:06
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Leviathan posted:twins? they were born 2 years apart.... my bad but they were still describing them as brothers despite the fact htat one of them had gone public with being transgender another asie: my favorite story from the security red book i found described some insane 19 year old dude who somehow got over the 12 foot wall and entered the stodio lot. he wandered around for like 12 hours and after everyone went home from work he decided to crash in a Starlines winnebago some actor discoverd him sleeping in his trailer the next day and reported him to security and the report tried to make this immense lapse in security read as a valiant effort but lol it ends with "and he confessed everything to us, after he spent the night in the studio and we questioned him."
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Feb 26, 2017 06:12
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turn the piss pink and the white lines red and it looks like he's spitting up miles of dick
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Feb 26, 2017 06:20
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ive played table top games like 4 times in my life and two of them were with a dude who ran it as the players being part o the technocracy snuffing out mages who disturb the reality consensus and it was cool
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Feb 26, 2017 06:26
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Nonsense posted:BUILD THE WALL but what if they fly over the wall? turmp supportes: Build a dome! Send them home!
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Feb 26, 2017 06:29
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Nichael posted:I want someone to play the Dragon Age RPG with but I never played a real life RPG before and I barely know anyone who would. I know enough about that dumb gay setting to role play to a tragically accurate degree. i was an english major and for my final paper class for my ba i took a piers plowman class by a teacher who was involved in the weirldy existing cottage industry of talking about piers plwoman long story short for people not familiar with this old rear end epic poem: it basicaly tells the plague decimated labor base of 1400's england not to ask for higher wages or to let themselves get hired away by lords in other parts of england wiling to pay higher wages i would totally roll a fox news cleric telling poor people to embrace poverty in the face of an immensely labor positive market and say poo poo like, "Did you know, 99.9% of people have a cool, dry hole in which they can store hardtack????"
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Feb 26, 2017 06:33
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mormonpartyboat posted:please do not gently caress and cum in the candy bowl what the gently caress do you call your butthole then???
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Feb 26, 2017 06:43
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i dont get how people can be scared of north kroea even if they have ballistic missiles. i was unemployed a few years back and so i would go to the library and to pass the time between craiglist and poo poo updating job postings i would read north korean books and travelogues lik enorth korean dictators literally spend most of their speaking time talking about proper hygine. there are documented speeches by all of the kims admonishing their people on the proper methods of brushing your teeth and bathing and they cant even afford traffic lights. even if they get a missile theyre in that same space from ww2 when we dropped a second bomb to prove we could do it twice and lol they do not have the production capacity as far as i can tell the number one thing holding everyone back from toppling the kims is the giant humanitarian crisis of feeding an entire nation of people who are literally so malnourished that theyre shorter than the generation that grew up in the 80s
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Feb 26, 2017 06:49
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Hamelekim posted:If they Nuke S Korea, Japan, China, or any other country around there it could spiral into a regional if not global war. I mean S Korea being nuked would be terrible for several major electronics companies and could have a major impact on the global economy. Baloogan posted:imagine how lovely it would be if everyone's electronics on the western seaboard had to be replaced? lol @ n korea nuking south korea they are so dependent on them and proud of the factories samsung et al have put near their demilitarized zone. we are talking about a nation that actually exports meth to keep the kims in rolex watches and the mcallen whiskey also i think it would be cool i would totally love a giant nuclear war outside of america so we can have another post 22w manufacturing renaissance
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Feb 26, 2017 07:00
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like im pretty sure a country where the leader has to pose nxt to pictures of food that they harvested to prove they have so much food is totlly going to do more than scimtar rattling to jeopardize all the aid and food they import to their lovely barren country that still remembers a famine so bad the average citizen is still shorter than previous generations
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Feb 26, 2017 07:03
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the best travelogue i read bout north korea was this dude who was in college in the 80's. his professor signed him up to go to norkal and translate korean juche documents into english when he got there he had a carton of marlboro reds and he and the dude from the nk government were talking about his living acoomdations. he would get a pack of lovely 1984 winston smith bitching in the commisary pack of cigs a day, the kind where the tobacco poors out of your cig if you dont hold it right. the official straight up hit him up for a couple packs of good american smokes halfway through their conversation and that was just like super sad to me. the reason the nk dude knew this was because they searched his luggage
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Feb 26, 2017 07:09
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i wish i could find the picture right now but i read a boook about north korean propaganda and the best part was that all the kims are potrayed as mothers of the people and they are protecting them from american soldiers, who all look like the steepled hands jew caricature that is beloved on 4chan like you get portraits of soldiers in winter gear all dressed up and ready to fight in -30 degree weather in the mountains and one of the kims is all rosy cheeked and bending over to tie up their booties. like the kims are portrayed as wanting to make sure their soldiers shoes are tied and that their mittens are safety pinned to their sleeves, as if all of their soldiers are special needs children walking to the bus stop in winter
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Feb 26, 2017 07:16
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Baloogan posted:irish lives matte r i am of irish descent and me and my fmaily swindled our way into middle class mediocrity so we are doing fine my great gramps literally stole a factory from a dude it was cool Aurubin posted:I may have watched a CSPAN forum with the dude that wrote that. He commented that the north Koreans are big into that maternal image and the idea of ethnic purity. i would like to know more.
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Feb 26, 2017 07:22
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Zyla posted:Currently, on Brigham Young University campus, there is a thing called “marinating,” where the man puts his penis into the woman’s vagina, and they both just lie there motionless. dudes who do this are secretly gay and waiting for two more dudes to show up and spit roas tthem to make the bbq homosexual fantasy complete
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Feb 26, 2017 07:25
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deadgoon posted:every factory is a stolen factory unless it is a co-op i am butchering this story and refuse to let my elders correct me on any of hte details but my great gramps came over and lived in chicago. apparently he knew a dude who had access to the mayor's office. they broke in one night, when chicago was going to build its interstate highway system, and got a peak at the bid list for this giant construction project. they made a shell company and placed a fake bid. they got the contract they didnt have an office or a single piece of equipment or a single employee. but they did have the name of the second lowest bidder, so they sold the contract to them great-gramps goes on a wild bender with his money. gets in the society pages of his paper. eventually he meets great-grams and decides he wants to marry her. this being before the depression he goes to her da "You can't marry my daughter. I have read about you. Go get a real job, prove yourself. Then I will grant you my daughter's hand in marriage." so great gramps goes and works at a baking equipment factory. the owner had died. the widow owned it but she was a woman so she let the second in command run it. second dude decides hes going to take the company public, grant himself a giant pay raise, and buy up enough stock to make himself majority owner. great gramps tells this to the widow the widow gives him the factory. he keeps her in comfort for the rest of her life. my family still owns it. im not bragging when i say "a factory." its a super run down building with an elevator so old that that it has three buttons: up, down, and stop. if you dont hit the stop button the elevator will grind itself to death trying to reach heaven or hel as a kid i would wander around the factory and read the employees playboys that htey didnt really hide or browse through old engineering books that referred to metaelllurgy with the two dots over the ae it was cool. also as a 9 year old i would call grandpas secretary and say, "Put me through to Mr. Cumshitter" and she would pretend i was a big important businessman
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Feb 26, 2017 07:32
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i basically bullshitted my way through getting confirmed into catholicism because i had a hook up through a deacon uncle but even at like 10 years old i figured confession was the biggest loving scam ever like the entire idea is that you confess your biggest secrets to the priest. getting people to tell you their biggest secrets sounds like an amazingly convenient way to control people and thats just built into the franchise
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Feb 26, 2017 07:46
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i literally did not know i had gone to my own catholic confirmation ceremony until my mother elbowed me out of the pew and made me, at 10 years old, march with a bunch of 7 year olds up to the lecture to get my christ cracker like i sat down one day with my uncle in a church and he wasl ike, "See that symbol? That's alpg ha. The beginning. And see that one? That's Omega. The end." then six weeks later i was confirmed so now whenever i ahve to go church ijust get my cracker and i look at like people in their 80s still sitting in the pews who havent figured out how bullshit the cermeony is and im like 'lol come up and get your dried out wheat paste disc dude its not a big deal"
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Feb 26, 2017 07:51
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one time me and my cousins snuck into the back of the church after mass. acommunion wafers come in giant see through plastic bags and would make a decent bean bag chair for a five year old. like imagine a five bound bag of waers. we were tossing them around like medicine balls, in the vault where they store the golden communion goblets for the gross rear end shared communion wine sipping, and the head priest got super pissed off at us for not treating bagged assembly line units of christ with the appropriate amount of respect
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Feb 26, 2017 08:01
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Slamhound posted:Sounds like First Communion, not Confirmation. that sounds about right my catholic education was obviously pretty awful i was always so tempted to let the communion wafer slip through my fingers and hit the floor because aparently there is a very elaborate ritual for when the body of christ hits the floor to this day im not sure what im supposed ot say when a priest hands you a wafer. i just mumbl e something that sounds like amen. or is it "and with your spirt" now?
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Feb 26, 2017 08:07
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Baloogan posted:look at this cuck who things hes above some 2000 year old ritual eating flesh and blood of god i ate the body of christ, you waded through his waste. we are all one.
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Feb 26, 2017 08:09
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one thing that was never explained to me isthat if through the magic of transubstantion the waifer becomes the body of christ then... how big is jesus??? a billion+ catholics eating little jsus discs every day. jesus could palm the sun like a basketball if he wanted to... makes you think
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Feb 26, 2017 08:12
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Slamhound posted:It's been decades, but I think it's just "amen." The priest says "This is the body of Christ." oh god thank you for telling me ive been doing it right normally i mumble something like "amen" and then crush the waifer into the roof of my mouth so i can busy myself with licking it off until me and my fams rush out of the church to avoid catholic parking lot congestion
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Feb 26, 2017 08:15
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Baloogan posted:im literally out of anime atm SUPPORT AMERICANIMATION YOU MAGA gently caress
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Feb 26, 2017 08:25
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i just remembered that one time like 8 years agome and family out here in LA went out to this big tacky glass cathedral church for christmas eve mass and for some reason the head priest decided his sermon should be a review of a movie about the nativity and we literally walked out 10 minutes in and everyone gave us the stinkeye but i was loving beaming because it was the shorrtest christmas eve mass we had ever ben to also how loving tacky do you have to be as a catholic priest to talk abouta movie about the birth of jesus when you literally have the source material right there next to you
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Feb 26, 2017 08:30
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Baloogan posted:culture is global you loving globalist one world government supporting tratior Slamhound posted:That's for the Sign of Peace, but it looks like cumshitter was partially right… yeah i used to be able to mumble my way through mass but all the parts where you say "amen" have been replaced with "and with your spirit" and it feels like im losing a rhythm video game i get really, really bored at church and unless they have a kickin' rad choir and maxxed out bass on their organ i start checking people out. i especially like really old ladies who dress up in their best for church. theres always a lot of cute girls who show up for christmas eve mass but i cant help but look at ladies in their 80s rocking some sort of modern jackie kennedy looking outfit wondering how bangable htey were int heir prime. it helps pass the time and also i gently caress a lot of old ladies dont judge me. i have a lot of free time to fill when im not paying attention to mass
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Feb 26, 2017 08:44
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Baloogan posted:if the catholic church had any sense they would spend half a billion on making an epic anime series employing the entire island of japan in churning out manga anime and books about catholicism 
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Feb 26, 2017 08:50
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i thought anime was all about keeping janpanese men from having sex, drugs, or firearms
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Feb 26, 2017 08:52
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Baloogan posted:im quoting all the bullshit wrong rear end motherfucking goons who don't wathc enough anime or shoot enough guns boogan i might asked you this before but when you were doing sewer work did you ever find an injured surface dwelling woman nurse her back to health in the sewerss?????
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Feb 26, 2017 09:13
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a dumb joke that will always get you a free smoke at a bar: a penguine is driving from chi-CAWW-go to los angeles. his car starts loving up in the middle of the desert, so he pulls over to the first town he finds "hey," sez the mechanic, "its gonna be a few hours. we dont have alot here, but walk down main street. busy yourself." so the penguin walks down mainstreet. its the desert, its hot, so the penguin walks into the ice cream shop. he orders a big bowl of vanilla ice cream. him being a penguin, he cant use a spoon so he dives in beak first and gets vanilla ice cream all over his beak. he looks at his watch and sees that he should go back to the mechanic's shop he wanders into the shop and the mechanic is bent over over his car. teh penguin asks "Hey, so what's wrong with my car?" th emechanic looks at the penguin and sez "Looks like you blew a seal." "No, no! It's just vanilla ice cream!"
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Feb 26, 2017 09:18
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Baloogan posted:its like asking a mining surveyor 'did you clear that bolder blocking the road?' this post is lol when you realize it's all about turds
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Feb 26, 2017 09:31
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Baloogan posted:do you think id be this angry @ everything if i had like, retirement funds I thought u said waste engineers cleared $$100k a year? not too hard to invest at that point.
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Feb 26, 2017 09:34
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let me rephrase that j thought turd stirrers cleared low six figures????
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Feb 26, 2017 09:37
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boogan would it be cost effective to find counties where goldschlager sells well and pan turds for gold????
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Feb 26, 2017 09:40
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| # ¿ May 11, 2024 21:11 |
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lol if you can still tastfe liquor or care about the taste let me hold your hand as we ride on a child sized choo choo train, youngling
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Feb 26, 2017 09:46
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