UKMT March 2017 - Blame it on the Bourgie - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > UKMT March 2017 - Blame it on the Bourgie

Poll: Who Should Be Leader of HM Most Loyal Opposition? This poll is closed.
Jeremy Corbyn	95	18.63%
Dennis Skinner	53	10.39%
Angus Robertson	20	3.92%
Tim Farron	9	1.76%
Paul Ukips	7	1.37%
Robot Lenin	105	20.59%
Tony Blair	28	5.49%
Pissflaps	193	37.84%
Total:	510 votes

[Edit Poll (moderators only)]

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

This is the month of the final countdown to the beginning of the triggering of the Article 5-Oh. The whirlwind is in the thorn tree, the virgins are all trimming their wicks, it's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, etc.

After the Supreme Court ruling says they have a say, MPs back the unamended Brexit Bill by 498 votes to 114, with 47 Labour rebels voting against Corbyn's three line whip and a quarter of Lib Dems (2) defying their own party.
Tony Blair makes a speech in London, urging opponents of Brexit to "rise up" and ~~murder Iraqi children~~ ~~ban things instead of improving lives~~ fight to change the minds of the public about leaving the EU.
Labour crush Paul Nuttall while he was urinating on fans at bet365 Stadium, but lose Copeland to a Tory because Corbyn hates Sellafield.
The Lords voted down Peter Hain's attempt to amend the Article 50 Bill to keep UK in Single Market 299 to 136. Labour Lards overwhelmingly voted with the Government.

What else is in the news?
� Plans for building more homes in England are revealed, after ministers admit the housing market is 'broken'. Nothing is said about affordability though.
� The European Commission issues a so-called 'final warning' to the United Kingdom over the breaching of air pollution limits. Brexiteers respond with lol gently caress them we'll kill ourselves if we want to.
� Compleat Dick is appointed Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, becoming the first woman to murder a Brazilian electrician in Britain and be commended for it.
� Gerald Kaufman, the oldest most Jewish anti-zionist Labour MP, has died, prompting another by-election, this time in Manchester Gorton.
� New elections to the Northern Ireland Assembly are going to be held tomorrow, in order to find out who is going to be responsible for heating the horse solaria.
� A stupid 12-sided piece of poo poo will still replace the pound coin, even after ~~roast beef flavour~~ polymer notes have proven successful.
� Brexit countdown: 30 days. Brexit plans released: 70 words w/o header and some supplementary paperwork. Brexit means: gently caress You.

March Madness

National Pig Day
UKMT February 2017 Thread
UKMT January 2017 Thread
UKMT December 2016 Thread
UKMT November 2016 Thread
UKMT October 2016

Human Rights Day
Brexit Thread

International Whisky Day
Scotpol Thread

Poison Prevention Week
EDL/Fash Thread

Ash Wednesday
Europol Thread

World Day Against Cyber Censorship
Paedogeddon/Press Corruption Thread

March Fenland Station
Trainchat Thread

World Theatre Day
Political Cartoons Thread

Amavasya
#ukgoons on synIRC (thanks crispix).

Freedom of Information Day

quote:

1. It's not a person's fault if they are poor;
2. It's not their fault if they are disabled;
3. Neo-liberalism doesn't work;
4. The Daily Mail lies (maybe even about Pig Dave and charity);
5. Neo-liberalism has never worked;
6. The British Empire was not a force for good;
7. Neo-liberalism will never work;
8. Trans people are not "men in dresses";
9. Gendered insults are not okay;
10. If something is "so gay" it had better be something that is really happy;
11. Trains are awesome;
12. The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles;
13. Ni dieu, ni ma�tre, nae hope.

And Finally:
Shocking evidence of smut in our schools. I bet some of you even played with this filth as children without knowing what it was called.

# ¿ Mar 1, 2017 01:00

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 13:06

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

tory-brexit.png

# ¿ Mar 2, 2017 00:53

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Tesseraction posted:

*smokes a turd*

Is that what the hip young tory councilors are doing nowadays?

# ¿ Mar 2, 2017 01:12

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

HJB posted:

Disappointing. I saw the front page yesterday and assumed they were towards the end of a Twelve Days of Expressmas thing.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2017 01:53

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Jose posted:

They misspelled 'payroll' as 'run' for some reason.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2017 10:39

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

floofyscorp posted:

Today on the BBC and the Spectator: should disabled people be 'allowed' to be paid less than minimum wage? This woman in Brighton thinks so, because her daughter doesn't understand the concept of money anyway:

https://twitter.com/Emmabarnett/status/837234398374346752

(That 'Improving Lives' government paper that wilfully misinterprets research to conclude that being unemployed is bad for your health because work literally just makes you healthy makes me really, really angry)

That article seems obsessed with Freud and his descendants, who have been repeatedly proven wrong about most things except cocaine being a pharmaceutical cure for not being loving awesome.

quote:

Unless the law changes, they can expect a life spent in the shadows, slumped on a sofa, eating the wrong sort of food, watching daytime television.

Or volunteering. If there was a Citizens' Dividend, or if Independence Payments to disabled people were high enough, they could volunteer and still have a life. That's even cheaper than minimum wage, and you can pick causes that matter to you instead of whoever will throw you a line.

I'm not sure what's more insulting, that somehow the natural state of people with disabilities is slumped on a sofa, eating the wrong sort of food, watching daytime television, or that any route out of that has to involve financial incentive (presumably negative instead of positive).

# ¿ Mar 2, 2017 12:26

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

UnlimitedSpessmans posted:

can't they just round us up in camps if they want us dead so bad.

They don't want you dead, they want you to suffer.

So much of the right wing moralist condition makes sense if you recognize this. They're against sex education so that unwanted pregnancies happen, against abortion so that they turn into unwanted births, and against benefits so that they become children living in poverty.

About the only thing that they are for is prohibition, punishment, and constrained 'traditional' roles. And misery, of course.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2017 15:36

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

big scary monsters posted:

So that's 8 positive words: red, gay, bright, brave, bold, cool, wow, and nice; 4 neutral words: odd, none, oh, and ok; and 8 negative words: idiot, yuk, twat, prat, clown, no, loud, and golf.

Seems fairly evenly balanced.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2017 16:51

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Kurtofan posted:

how is red a positive word

quote:

i don't think bright means clever in this context

No, but it does mean cheerful or colorful or vivid. Would you prefer some bright flowers in a pleasing vase or some dull ones in a var of piss.

(I also don't think they're using gay in a positive manner in this context, but I don't care.)

# ¿ Mar 2, 2017 17:52

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Doctor_Fruitbat posted:

I have no idea what the gently caress is happening with that house, but during the day things seem pretty normal and friendly and regular, then when the sun goes down everything just gets weird as described, so I think I'll put a pin in this until tomorrow.

Meth.

OwlFancier posted:

It is annoying and weird and you should be able to specify just to leave it at the sorting office.

You can have it left at the local Co-Op or Argos with some services.

OwlFancier posted:

I invariably play a pretty good character in every RPG but I like ones that give you the option to be a dickhead because a game that railroads you to being nice doesn't really connect as well as games where you elect to be nice. That's sort of an aspect of the medium, that the player has agency, and what separates it from a linear narrative and facilitates its ability to communicate with the player.

Different thread, but it's more relevant to UKMT than Youtube. There's an anti-radicalization CYOA where no matter what you do your character becomes more and more fash before eventually getting involved with sufficiently celtic terrorists. that I saw a few days ago, I think it's part of Saatchi's anti far right campaign. I can't find it anywhere now though.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2017 22:26

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

namesake posted:

How the gently caress does that work? Sounds about as effective as insisting that weed is a gateway drug to injecting heroin into your balls.

Every time you tell the nazis to gently caress off it just goes "but Liam chose differently" until somehow they've brought an Orangeman down to teach you to throw petrol bombs at an Asian shop because no Englishman could do such a thing unassisted.

On This Day - The Bank of England issues the first �1 notes. Texit happens in Mexico.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2017 22:45

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

namesake posted:

How the gently caress does that work? Sounds about as effective as insisting that weed is a gateway drug to injecting heroin into your balls.

Oh I forgot, there's a bit where the leader of the totally-not-Britain-First group has to hide at your flat and needs you for an important project making anti-refugee memes in imgur.

Still can't find the loving thing, and there's a limit to the amount of fash keywords I want to google.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2017 22:56

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

I heard that his house has two kitchens.

These kosher types stealing spare kitchens from hard working Christians just so they don't get any meat in their dairy. Couldn't make it up.

# ¿ Mar 3, 2017 00:59

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

# ¿ Mar 3, 2017 01:31

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

OwlFancier posted:

I mean they might still be knobheads even if they're Jewish, they might just like voting for tories.

It's not an unknown thing in traditionalist religious family groupings.
They could have the older pro-business social conservative South Asian vote sewn up if they stopped being racist dicks for a moment.

# ¿ Mar 3, 2017 02:35

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Some good news. The Government has dropped plans to allow local authorities to opt out of every child protection law of the last century from Children and Social Work Bill.

# ¿ Mar 3, 2017 16:24

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

goddamnedtwisto posted:

Only a blithering idiot with a case of unwarranted self-importance that is remarkable even by career politician standards would take the role since it was split out from the Home Office.

I agree, May should have left Gove there.

# ¿ Mar 3, 2017 18:17

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

OwlFancier posted:

He's like a more appealing rolf harris without the noncing.

Yeah, that was his da.

# ¿ Mar 4, 2017 00:32

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

TinTower posted:

https://twitter.com/belfastboy71/status/837768736824258560

Sterilize all natalists.

hakimashou posted:

You could sell them to China, whether they wanted to buy them or not

They did want to buy them. Their population wanted to buy them. Their portmasters and city governors wanted to buy them. Their intellectuals wanted to establish plantations and undercut the British. The only person that was against the whole thing was their autocratic manchild emperor and his batshit insane religious advisors.

Giving him a black eye and stealing all his tax barges was overall a good thing, and the biggest shame is that China didn't repay the favor on Westminster over the mephedrone scandal.

# ¿ Mar 4, 2017 13:08

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

I always thought horse would be more expensive than beef because it's a 'fringe' meat like venison.

When I googled it, all the organic results were about the 2013 scandal, and all the paid results were specialist butchers.

# ¿ Mar 4, 2017 13:55

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Darth Walrus posted:

The big problem isn't the specific meat, but that it wasn't as advertised, implying that the usual checks to confirm the batch was not literal poison were not performed.

Properly certified rat meat, for instance, is fine. Rat meat that's supposed to be beef, though, is not.

There was a pork scandal at the same time as the horse scandal, where food that was labelled kosher or halal contained amounts of pork due to lax checks.

Strangely this never got the same amount of press as the horse one.

I agree that in principle the key issue is that someone lied about the composition of food and that's a bad thing, but the public side of the scandal was 100% a cultural thing.

jabby posted:

After we leave the EU and ditch all of our food safety standards, look out for these on shelves near you.

What I've always wondered is why the EU are literal internet conspiracy theorists when it comes to GMOs and fluoride.

Is there an EU regulation for chemtrails?

# ¿ Mar 4, 2017 14:07

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Are fake eggs Vegan friendly?

# ¿ Mar 4, 2017 14:29

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

OwlFancier posted:

Such as possession?

I think he means crimes that harm other people. Like land monopoly.

# ¿ Mar 4, 2017 15:05

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Namtab posted:

It does. Treatment with a substitute and therapy is proven as an effective treatment. It's medical science.

It's not like this is recent knowledge either. Missionaries in China in the 1910s treated opium addicts by giving them free morphine pills and a chat. This was later looked at sneeringly by the drug warriors, like "dumb Christians didn't they know that morphine is the active addictive agent in opium so they were treating opium addicts with more opium lol".

The bit they usually leave out is that in many many cases it worked.

# ¿ Mar 4, 2017 16:32

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

jBrereton posted:

There are probably better things to nail the Tories on than hotel spending.

# ¿ Mar 4, 2017 16:48

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

A lot of the other parties represent a traditionally Catholic base, so it's unlikely to ever bode well for abortion rights in Northern Ireland. The Pope needs unwanted babies for his pedo laundries.

# ¿ Mar 4, 2017 17:22

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

jBrereton posted:

Hopefully when direct rule happens HMG just tells everyone to gently caress off and gives NI the same abortion/gay rights laws as England.

Wasn't it you who was saying that's exactly how you get Brexit and Trump?

Abortion rights in England aren't all that great anyway, there's no abortion on demand like most of Europe, so there's plenty of room for NI doctors to deliberately wreck the whole thing if they were given a boilerplate of the English laws.

# ¿ Mar 4, 2017 18:04

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

jBrereton posted:

We've already got Brexit, and Trump is only as regressive as the DUP, who will almost certainly force Direct Rule on the province by nominating Arlene Foster to lead them.

Direct rule has already been used for complete garbage like the bedroom tax, might as well do some good with the power.

You don't think there's a chance of a populist backlash if something that the majority disagree with is forced on them from outside?

I guess the only good thing is that the backlash would likely not be in a Unionist direction if it's Westminster that's seen as doing the loving.

jabby posted:

English abortion law isn't great, but it would still be a vast improvement. Even if your average GP in Ireland was anti-abortion, they would be obliged by law to refer patients to someone else. And doctors working in abortion clinics aren't likely to have the same objections.

For sure, but if you're going to force an unpopular but necessary thing onto someone, you might as well go all the way instead of including all the mistakes of the English system.

# ¿ Mar 4, 2017 18:46

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

VIRGIN HEAT posted:

I want to show my appreciation for everyone who has made this a place he felt home in, even if he didn't post a lot.

My condolences. I enjoyed his posts.

goddamnedtwisto posted:

I just noticed the ironing board I bought today (I have become all I hate) was Made In Britain(tm). This is the kind of manufacturing excellence that is going to power us straight back to the top of the pile when we break the shackles of Brussels!

(It's not caught fire yet but the much-vaunted hanger rail under it is both almost impossible to actually get a hanger onto and also means your freshly-ironed items are forever getting knocked onto the floor if you're right-handed)

The last ironing board I had that was Made in Britain had an asbestos mat that you could rest the iron on without anything getting hot or catching fire.

I look forward to leaving the Permit Raj on the continent so we can once again make our ironing boards out of materials slightly more likely to leave tiny mineral spikes in our lungs.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2017 08:55

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

jBrereton posted:

"A People's Pillbox in every garden" - Labour Manif. 2020.

I'd vote for this.

We could even make big ones that could be used as state owned houses during peacetime.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2017 14:07

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Regarde Aduck posted:

They might as well have run a story just going "leftists are all the same and are all huge stalins! *FARTS*".

That's the Mail version.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2017 14:57

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Skinty McEdger posted:

May's argument that she couldn't possibly allow the commons or Lords a veto on the terms of Brexit, because this may give the EU incentive to give the UK a bad deal, begs the question: then what the gently caress will the vote she promised at the end of the negotiations actually gong to be about?

"Was the Government's handling of Brexit a) Great b) Really Great c) Great Britain?"

Amendments will be allowed for proposed celebrations.

e: 2025 - Planned completion of the Square Kilometre Array, world population will reach 8 billion.

Guavanaut fucked around with this message at 18:11 on Mar 6, 2017

# ¿ Mar 6, 2017 18:09

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

A BBC test team accidentally included a single frame of loli in an employee induction video in the 70s, turning half the staff instantly into nonces.

Also maybe this should start going in the OP to piss off Stacey Dooley, among other relevant reasons.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4H70U26HxM

# ¿ Mar 6, 2017 18:39

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Lord of the Llamas posted:

I don't think I can side with a guy who thinks we shouldn't tackle child abuse because poverty still exists.

I was under the impression that he meant it more as "if you want to lower the crime rate, you should get rid of poverty before banning anime."

I'd agree, because one would actually reduce child abuse.

I'm not sure why he was paraphrased as "the UK should solve the issue of poverty before tackling child abuse" when in his actual quote he says "Well, solve poverty first. Legalizing fictions that has no victims will lower the crime rate."

(I have no idea whether weird Japanese fanservice or whatever lowers the rate of child abuse, but poverty definitely increases it.)

# ¿ Mar 6, 2017 18:50

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Fangz posted:

"Do [incredibly difficult thing first] before we even discuss [thing that we came to talk about]" is a terribly obnoxious argument.

Not as obnoxious as "ban [x] because I don't like it and have decided it's the cause of a problem" as arguments go though. Especially when there is no good evidence that the thing in question causes said issues.

If you're not allowed to talk about the actual causes of a problem when someone is blaming things on immigration or massive loving televisions or meow meow or whatever the panic du jour is (apparently cartoon children in that guy's case) just because the actual causes are complex or hard to implement in the current climate then you effectively cede the debate. Then you end up with stuff like the Overton window in the gutter press being "is the NHS hosed because of immigrants or fat people?" because getting Tories to fund things is hard.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2017 19:57

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

forkboy84 posted:

Moving away from anime (as rapidly as possible), here's a fun take on the ol' Political Compass, Who Are You In 1917 Russia?

I'm somewhere between the Left SRs & Anarchists.

I am Anarchists. Direct hit.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2017 21:19

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

TomViolence posted:

quote:
Hahaha. Now I have your sperm.

New thread title here.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2017 22:57

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Lol if you buy cigarettes from the UK or Ireland. You can legally import as many as you want for personal use from Poland as a member of the Europ...

gently caress.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2017 23:35

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

XMNN posted:

making alcohol and tobacco more expensive is a good thing

possibly the only good thing they will do for the nhs

Good for individual quality of life, but not necessarily good for the NHS. The best thing for the NHS on that axis would be everyone dying of black lung or the fatness before their senior years.

Increased alcohol prices is probably good news for public order, the NHS, and homebrewers though.

efb

# ¿ Mar 6, 2017 23:52

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 13:06

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

OwlFancier posted:

What on earth kind of university course did you do?

Hentai Studies.

A lot of philosophy courses will have deliberately gross things in aesthetics modules.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2017 23:56

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