Post your relationship dealbreakers ITT

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Post your relationship dealbreakers ITT

«‹›6 »

Helical Nightmares: Apr 30, 2009

Has Disney stuffed animals or Disney related paraphernalia in the bedroom.

Is a wiccan.

# ? May 1, 2018 02:30

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 18, 2024 00:23

Mnoba: Jun 24, 2010

doesn't jerk off her retarded handicapped son

# ? May 1, 2018 02:31

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

Can't handle the time and responsibility it takes of me to run the local Ace of Bass fan club

# ? May 1, 2018 02:36

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

The Bananana posted:

Are you saying:
"Please, league in stead of DOTA", as in I can haz cheezburgersesque begging that he or she DO play league, and not play DOTA?

Or are you saying:
"Plays League instead of DOTA", as in, you would disqualify him or her from romantic consideration if they were to NOT play DOTA, and instead, played League?

srry i made a typo i meant "plays league instead of dota" as in they MUST NOT PLAY LEAGUE and ONLY PLAY DOTA!!!!!!!!! 1 game of league = no Dice Baby. gently caress off back to SCRUB TOWN! NOOB VILLE!

# ? May 1, 2018 02:39

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

uses the WARIO character in Smash Bros = INstant Dump. Begone spammer, wanton WHORE!!

# ? May 1, 2018 02:40

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

wont peg me

# ? May 1, 2018 02:44

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Doesn't appreciate the fine art of Geisha.

# ? May 1, 2018 02:47

gary oldmans diary: Sep 26, 2005

doesnt keep her lego bricks sorted

# ? May 1, 2018 02:49

Stexils: Jun 5, 2008

watches dubs

# ? May 1, 2018 02:57

pap smear: Jan 21, 2018; by FactsAreUseless

Being a normie
Not up for a hooliganism
Injects drugs
Equates doing drugs w/ committing murder (though simply requiring a straight edge lifestyle is alright if she's cool enough)
Not self-possessed
Too feminine
Too masculine
Too liberal
Too conservative
Fat
Idiot, well meaning or not
Doesn't engage in my game of hard-to-get

At this point that's basically all of my no-nos. It covers an exceptionally depressing percentage of women worldwide, but with items like "Can't be a normie" I think the fault is squarely mine.

pap smear fucked around with this message at 03:03 on May 1, 2018

# ? May 1, 2018 03:00

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Smythe posted:

srry i made a typo i meant "plays league instead of dota" as in they MUST NOT PLAY LEAGUE and ONLY PLAY DOTA!!!!!!!!! 1 game of league = no Dice Baby. gently caress off back to SCRUB TOWN! NOOB VILLE!

Thank you for the clarification sir

# ? May 1, 2018 03:06

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

pap smear posted:

Being a normie
Not up for a hooliganism
Injects drugs
Equates doing drugs w/ committing murder (though simply requiring a straight edge lifestyle is alright if she's cool enough)
Not self-possessed
Too feminine
Too masculine
Too liberal
Too conservative
Fat
Idiot, well meaning or not
Doesn't engage in my game of hard-to-get

At this point that's basically all of my no-nos. It covers an exceptionally depressing percentage of women worldwide, but with items like "Can't be a normie" I think the fault is squarely mine.

Jesus dude, you must look like Chris Evans to demand so much and be hard-to-get.

# ? May 1, 2018 03:09

pap smear: Jan 21, 2018; by FactsAreUseless

Salty Josh posted:

Jesus dude, you must look like Chris Evans to demand so much and be hard-to-get.

Ask GRINDCORE MEGIDDO, he's seen pictures of my beautiful face.

Also is this list really asking that much? Just be weird, don't fall into any annoying extremes, don't be fat or stupid and don't jam needles into your arms. Is that really so much to ask?

# ? May 1, 2018 03:12

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

pap smear posted:

Ask GRINDCORE MEGIDDO, he's seen pictures of my beautiful face.

Also is this list really asking that much? Just be weird, don't fall into any annoying extremes, don't be fat or stupid and don't jam needles into your arms. Is that really so much to ask?

Nah man, I'm just giving you poo poo.

# ? May 1, 2018 03:13

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

pap smear posted:

Ask GRINDCORE MEGIDDO, he's seen pictures of my beautiful face.

Props for the Hawaiian shirt and cocktail in a snow blizzard, my man.

# ? May 1, 2018 03:15

pap smear: Jan 21, 2018; by FactsAreUseless

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

Props for the Hawaiian shirt and cocktail in a snow blizzard, my man.

I don't think I've ever sent you a picture where I'm NOT wearing a floral print. This is a trend I will continue until you VISIT ME

Salty Josh posted:

Nah man, I'm just giving you poo poo.

Good because it's actually far more extensive and I cut out a lot of the trimmings. Stuff here and there that I make passes for depending on the presence of desirable traits.

Into plants, insects or reptiles? I can forgive having no mechanical interest.
Good eyebrows? I can overlook those misaligned teeth.
Tomboy? So she has no knowledge of history what-so-ever. Live and let live baby.

That sort of thing. Even some of the things on the list are up for debate, specifically when traits considered extremely and highly desirable are in play, or there is a timeline/limit on how deep the relationship goes. I'm perfectly fine with hanging around someone who shoots up, depending on the nature of the relationship. If I know I'm not gonna be around after a time, or if the relationship wasn't intended to be that serious, it's a flaw I can look past and work around.

pap smear fucked around with this message at 03:31 on May 1, 2018

# ? May 1, 2018 03:25

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

pap smear posted:

Ask GRINDCORE MEGIDDO, he's seen pictures of my beautiful face.

Also is this list really asking that much? Just be weird, don't fall into any annoying extremes, don't be fat or stupid and don't jam needles into your arms. Is that really so much to ask?

Generally guys in your situation should be thankful for whatever they can get.

# ? May 1, 2018 03:31

pap smear: Jan 21, 2018; by FactsAreUseless

Who What Now posted:

Generally guys in your situation should be thankful for whatever they can get.

I used to be until I actually started being social. Then after getting all the attention I was getting, I realized I way undersold my market value. And it's only going up, baby. Unlike bitcoin, this is a bubble that will never burst :c00l:

# ? May 1, 2018 03:32

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

pap smear posted:

I don't think I've ever sent you a picture where I'm NOT wearing a floral print. This is a trend I will continue until you VISIT ME

Good because it's actually far more extensive and I cut out a lot of the trimmings. Stuff here and there that I make passes for depending on the presence of desirable traits.

Into plants, insects or reptiles? I can forgive having no mechanical interest.
Good eyebrows? I can overlook those misaligned teeth.
Tomboy? So she has no knowledge of history what-so-ever. Live and let live baby.

That sort of thing. Even some of the things on the list are up for debate, specifically when traits considered extremely and highly desirable are in play, or there is a timeline/limit on how deep the relationship goes. I'm perfectly fine with hanging around someone who shoots up, depending on the nature of the relationship. If I know I'm not gonna be around after a time, or if the relationship wasn't intended to be that serious, it's a flaw I can look past and work around.

Or just have no standards like me.

# ? May 1, 2018 03:34

pap smear: Jan 21, 2018; by FactsAreUseless

Salty Josh posted:

Or just have no standards like me.

I tried that and almost became a dipshit girls side dick, who later tried to tear down while I was peaking on 3.5g mushrooms because I rebuffed her. Miss me with that bullshit, turned me off of girls for a good 3 months afterwards.

# ? May 1, 2018 03:39

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

Prefers Rob zombie over white zombie.

# ? May 1, 2018 06:16

Away all Goats: Jul 5, 2005; Goose's rebellion

stealing my-a meatballs

# ? May 1, 2018 06:22

suck my woke dick: Oct 10, 2012; I CANNOT EJACULATE WITHOUT SEEING NATIVE AMERICANS BRUTALISED!

Put this cum-loving slave on ignore immediately!

won�t do the cumwalk

# ? May 1, 2018 07:03

Vaginal Vagrant: Jan 12, 2007; by R. Guyovich

Smythe posted:

three dimensional

Holograms?????!!!!?!

# ? May 1, 2018 07:40

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

really it's just the homestar runner thing

# ? May 1, 2018 07:41

Tactless Ogre: Oct 31, 2011

Smoking like two packs a day and jobless.

I can settle with a lady that flips burgers if I'm into her, but she's got to bring in some kind of income.

# ? May 1, 2018 07:46

amusinginquiry: Nov 8, 2009; College Slice

Laughs at Gabriel Iglesias' stand up

# ? May 1, 2018 07:48

Super Waffle: Sep 25, 2007; I'm a hermaphrodite and my parents (40K nerds) named me Slaanesh, THANKS MOM

amusinginquiry posted:

Laughs at Gabriel Iglesias' stand up

Doesn't laugh at Gabriel Iglesias' stand up

# ? May 1, 2018 13:44

jerk irl: Apr 26, 2018

is not desperate enough.

e: and before people criticize my humor as being generic, let it be known that I am being serious.

jerk irl fucked around with this message at 16:16 on May 1, 2018

# ? May 1, 2018 13:47

Thin Privilege: Jul 8, 2009; IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT; Gravy Boat 2k

No fat chicks/ guys. With women I�m slightly more lenient because some women can still look good despite having some fat-and I�m talking like maybe 25 lb overweight max, but with men; no. I don�t want some gross twig boy though, either. And a beer gut is an immediate disqualification for either sex.

# ? May 1, 2018 14:15

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

refuses to call me racial slurs during sex

too weak to break my jaw during sex

wont let me buy her mass quantities of shoes

wont let me sell her socks and underwear on ebanned

# ? May 1, 2018 14:25

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

cant read my homemade teleprompter with any conviction live on cam, with my wonderful audience that ive cultivated over years of great content and customer service.

# ? May 1, 2018 14:26