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If you look at the statistics, almost every long term relationship will have at least one partner cheat at some point. True monogamy is the outlier in human relationships. I'm of the opinion that embracing that fact and having semi-monogamous relationships with well communicated rules is much more realistic for long term stability All I know for certain is that currently I don't have the ability to effectively communicate my emotions well enough for polyamory to work for me
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Jan 30, 2019 17:19
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Queen Combat posted:That's...not how it works. That's not how any relationship works. You're going to have to be way more vague as this is entirely too specific
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Jan 30, 2019 17:28
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Adiabatic posted:You're going to have to be way more vague as this is entirely too specific Yeah, this. 1) Quote a particular post so we know what the hell you're talking about 2) Maybe enlighten us mouth-breathers instead of doing a drive-by mic drop 3) Which part of having an ex-gf cements you as a relationships expert?
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Jan 30, 2019 17:37
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meatpimp posted:I don't kinkshame, whatever a person, couple or group agree to is cool by me. But man, we are big sacks of roller-coastering emotions. Just keeping my wife and I on the same page with all of life's stuff can be hard, I'd hate to imagine another variable person thrown into the mix. Seems like stacking the deck for some kind of emotional disaster on one or more fronts. Um yeah, all the banging sounds fun and all, but when it comes down to actually living that lifestyle no thanks, I can't even imagine the train wrecks some of those relationships end up in. But if you can make it work more power to you.
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Jan 30, 2019 17:46
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Honestly it feels a lot easier at times. There's more people to share the emotional load with when things go bad. More people to help out around the house, more people for board game nights even if you don't feel like rounding people up. And when things go good, there's more people to share the load with. 
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Jan 30, 2019 17:53
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Poly relationships are great because either they work out, and you can be happy for all those involved in it, or they end up in a very public meltdown and you can enjoy the fireworks.
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Jan 30, 2019 17:56
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Applebees Appetizer posted:Um yeah, all the banging sounds fun and all, but when it comes down to actually living that lifestyle no thanks, I can't even imagine the train wrecks some of those relationships end up in. But if you can make it work more power to you. All the meaningless sex in the world can't fill an empty void in your life that a true partner can fill. The only thing about a poly relationship that ever seemed appealing to me was ongoing threesomes but as I said, the two girls I was dating hated each other.
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Jan 30, 2019 17:58
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ExplodingSims posted:Poly relationships are great because either they work out, and you can be happy for all those involved in it, or they end up in a very public meltdown and you can enjoy the fireworks. I loving love reading the drama
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Jan 30, 2019 18:00
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Jan 30, 2019 18:09
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Dagen H posted:Yeah, this. 1: the one immediately prior to mine, you know, like a conversation goes. It's treating the SO as an object that has to be "pleased" because of whatever misogynistic chauvinist idea I don't even know what the gently caress 2: gently caress you 3: really, gently caress you, entirely uncalled for and you have no recent ideas about, you know, me, so gently caress you a third time? That's about on par with the December "hysteria" comment on "list of lovely snips people have made" from here. E: GC4U 
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Jan 30, 2019 18:13
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SeaGoatSupreme posted:And when things go good, there's more people to share the load with. Lol. I think it comes down to everyone involved having very healthy self esteem and good communication skills. If anyone involved doesn't have one or both it's not gonna go well me thinks.
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Jan 30, 2019 18:16
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SeaGoatSupreme posted:Honestly it feels a lot easier at times. There's more people to share the emotional load with when things go bad. More people to help out around the house, more people for board game nights even if you don't feel like rounding people up.
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Jan 30, 2019 18:16
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Queen Combat posted:1: the one immediately prior to mine, you know, like a conversation goes. It's treating the SO as an object that has to be "pleased" because of whatever misogynistic chauvinist idea I don't even know what the gently caress I think you're making a lot of assumptions about that post. "Pleasing" your partner can mean any multitude of things and have nothing to do with objectifying anyone.
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Jan 30, 2019 18:24
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Yeah, it's all context, and it has a  so I'll crib to that. For the record, I'm pro- whatever the gently caress you want to do.
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Jan 30, 2019 18:27
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Applebees Appetizer posted:I think you're making a lot of assumptions about that post. "Pleasing" your partner can mean any multitude of things and have nothing to do with objectifying anyone. It sounds like a stand up joke from the 1980's. I thought it was a reference 
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Jan 30, 2019 18:28
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Queen Combat posted:3: really, gently caress you, entirely uncalled for and you have no recent ideas about, you know, me, so gently caress you a third time? That's about on par with the December "hysteria" comment on "list of lovely snips people have made" from here. No, you're absolutely right. That was completely uncalled for. Personal attacks aren't my style. I'm offering my most sincere apology, and I hope you'll accept it. However: Applebees Appetizer posted:I think you're making a lot of assumptions about that post. "Pleasing" your partner can mean any multitude of things and have nothing to do with objectifying anyone. This was my initial thought, and I would still appreciate clarification of your viewpoint. E: nevermind, just saw your last post.
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Jan 30, 2019 18:33
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Queen Combat posted:1: the one immediately prior to mine, you know, like a conversation goes. It's treating the SO as an object that has to be "pleased" because of whatever misogynistic chauvinist idea I don't even know what the gently caress Funny, My first thought was co-dependence, not sexual objectification. My second thought was "yeah my wife is a loving handful and there is no way in hell I could handle another one like her in ANY sense. Romantic or platonic."
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Jan 30, 2019 18:44
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A poly relationship 12 years ago left me so hosed up that since it ended I haven't had a relationship last more than two dates and can count the number of sexual encounters I've had on one hand. I don't know if I'll ever be okay enough to let someone in again.
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Jan 30, 2019 18:49
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Fermented Tinal posted:A poly relationship 12 years ago left me so hosed up that since it ended I haven't had a relationship last more than two dates and can count the number of sexual encounters I've had on one hand. I feel if someone has a poly relationship in college, live your dreams... But if someone is in a poly relationship and then they want to throw kids into the equation, or even worse they do their own couple thing then have kids and then 1 wants to switch to a poly, then... welcome to years of therapy kids!
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Jan 30, 2019 19:06
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keykey posted:I feel if someone has a poly relationship in college, live your dreams... But if someone is in a poly relationship and then they want to throw kids into the equation, or even worse they do their own couple thing then have kids and then 1 wants to switch to a poly, then... welcome to years of therapy kids! Oh man, there was an MTV documentary about that and there were several "triples" featured and one had kids and they didn't want to find out who was the actual father. Like, jesus dudes this is a seriously bad idea.
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Jan 30, 2019 19:29
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Noice. posturmixes
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Jan 30, 2019 19:30
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Rhyno posted:one had kids and they didn't want to find out who was the actual father. Like, jesus dudes this is a seriously bad idea. Ultra Semen Thunderdome: Battle Royale Edition! 
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Jan 30, 2019 19:37
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Queen Combat posted:That's...not how it works. That's not how any relationship works. Thats exactly how most relationships should work actually. Its not about physical or as an object its about living life together. That should and does take a lot of time and energy even if you are having a long distance one like mine is right now.
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Jan 30, 2019 19:42
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And I wonder why I'm so nervous to try and date. The stories sound nice but the drama seems like a pile of utter bullshit no one should ever deal with.
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Jan 30, 2019 19:55
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CAT INTERCEPTOR posted:Thats exactly how most relationships should work actually. Its not about physical or as an object its about living life together. That should and does take a lot of time and energy even if you are having a long distance one like mine is right now. Wtf.
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Jan 30, 2019 20:05
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Fermented Tinal posted:I don't know if I'll ever be okay enough to let someone in again. 
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Jan 30, 2019 20:34
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CAT INTERCEPTOR posted:Thats exactly how most relationships should work actually. Its not about physical or as an object its about living life together. That should and does take a lot of time and energy even if you are having a long distance one like mine is right now. Two of the right people feels like so much less work than one of the wrong people. This relationship thing we've all got going is a literal joy 95% of the time, and the other 5% is a heart to heart we all come out of feeling good.
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Jan 30, 2019 20:55
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SeaGoatSupreme posted:My wife and I each have a long term boyfriend / girlfriend or two. We don't really date outside of that. My wife and my girlfriend are besties, and they decided that she should move in with us. I expected a much more complicated explanation with a lot more drama but that is remarkably easy. Good for you all. If consenting adults can get along in whatever fashion that is then let them have it. That doesn't affect me personally. If it interferes with the lives of others then I would probably have a problem with it. Not that I am the kind of person that could do what you are doing, I know way too many women that are close friends of my wife who can't find a decent person to be with. If there was any situation where they could have that then how good for them it would be. Fun fact: I am a product of polygamy (not my parents, but ancestors) 
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Jan 30, 2019 21:04
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Somewhat Heroic posted:I expected a much more complicated explanation with a lot more drama but that is remarkably easy. Good for you all. If consenting adults can get along in whatever fashion that is then let them have it. That doesn't affect me personally. If it interferes with the lives of others then I would probably have a problem with it. Not that I am the kind of person that could do what you are doing, I know way too many women that are close friends of my wife who can't find a decent person to be with. If there was any situation where they could have that then how good for them it would be. Yeah this. I choose this opinion to plagiarize.
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Jan 30, 2019 21:09
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Queen Combat posted:1: the one immediately prior to mine, you know, like a conversation goes. It's treating the SO as an object that has to be "pleased" because of whatever misogynistic chauvinist idea I don't even know what the gently caress
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Jan 30, 2019 22:00
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InitialDave posted:wind your neck in. Stealing this.
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Jan 30, 2019 22:01
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InitialDave posted:gently caress no, wind your neck in. If that's your takeaway from what Grakkus posted, that's your problem. Well put. I thought that what Grakkus was saying was very close to what I was saying in the post before. Adiabatic posted:Stealing this. Me, too.
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Jan 30, 2019 22:12
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EVERYWHERE 
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SeaGoatSupreme posted:Two of the right people feels like so much less work than one of the wrong people. This relationship thing we've all got going is a literal joy 95% of the time, and the other 5% is a heart to heart we all come out of feeling good. Please note, I am not being critical of you when I said that. If you can make a poly relationship work, that's actually pretty awesome. quote:Two of the right people feels like so much less work than one of the wrong people Yeah given the wreckage of my last relationship that was completely wrong from the get out that I stuck with because *reasons* that statement I can completely comprehend.
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Jan 30, 2019 22:31
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Hands up who treated themselves to a pair of expensive, branded windshield blades and then forgot to deice before turning them on?
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Jan 30, 2019 22:40
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^^ Every. God. drat. Winter. Nothing else behind the wheel angers me like things like that. CAT INTERCEPTOR posted:Please note, I am not being critical of you when I said that. If you can make a poly relationship work, that's actually pretty awesome. Oh no, I didn't take offense at all. , I was just remarking on the relative ease in comparison to my other relationships, both mono and poly. *reasons* gently caress up a lot of things for a long time, I'm right there with you.
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Jan 30, 2019 23:35
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keykey posted:I feel if someone has a poly relationship in college, live your dreams... But if someone is in a poly relationship and then they want to throw kids into the equation, or even worse they do their own couple thing then have kids and then 1 wants to switch to a poly, then... welcome to years of therapy kids! Thankfully no kids, that wasn't even a remote possibility, though we'd fantasized about it. I got gaslit for several years, they had me convinced I was someone I wasn't, that I was something I wasn't and I went along with it because I was stupid and thought I was in love. Even after years of therapy I'm basically just functional enough to get through the day, have some really hosed up worldviews, make poor decisions constantly, and am completely unable to formulate even a vague answer as to who or what it is I am. I am utterly terrified of having it happen all over again. Fermented Tinal fucked around with this message at 00:09 on Jan 31, 2019 |
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Jan 31, 2019 00:05
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Fermented Tinal posted:and am completely unable to formulate even a vague answer as to who or what it is I am. You are Fermented Tinal. An awesome person who deserves good things to happen to them. And they will. quote:I am utterly terrified of having it happen all over again. The only thing in this life that you should be worried about happening again is head gasket failure.
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Jan 31, 2019 00:32
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meatpimp posted:https://gizmodo.com/disable-facetime-right-now-1832142571 https://finance.yahoo.com/news/exclusive-uae-used-cyber-super-114049913.html Where's your Apple god now?  (not a repeat from yesterday)
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Jan 31, 2019 01:42
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went to the local mega-hardware store to get some lightbulbs. CFLs are almost completely gone which is good, but the light bulb aisle was around 50% LED, and for some reason about 50% incandescent. I thought we defeated that evil.
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Jan 31, 2019 01:45
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Powershift posted:I thought we defeated that evil. Silents and Boomers.
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Jan 31, 2019 01:46
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