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Fun zoom quizzes after company meetings with questions like “what is our target for next year? Is it a) 12.5%, b) 15% or c) 12.2%”
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Jan 29, 2021 20:05
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Doesn’t Netflix do the “fire the bottom x%” thing? Or they used to?
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Feb 5, 2021 09:55
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Barudak posted:One of my jobs first day I got a talking to for sending an email which the first sentence didn't start with an exclamation point. I was then give a two page document outlining proper emoji usage and resources for dad-level humor to include in your emails. When all the open source projects started having codes of conduct, one of them (which was frequently shared by people with good intentions) had a section on how you shouldn’t use emojis in code reviews in case someone takes them the wrong way. In both these cases I’m just left wondering, what kind of situation must have happened in the past for them to NEED emoji rules?!
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Feb 15, 2021 16:29
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Barudak posted:Oh no, I think you misunderstand. This was mandatory usage situations for emoji Mods, please consider this for the forums, tyia
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Feb 15, 2021 16:44
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Do you ever go on LinkedIn and see some dumbass you worked with in the past, only now their title is “Senior Lead Enterprise Architect of BigCo, working on the project SuperImportantInfrastructure”  hope they got better
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Feb 18, 2021 11:50
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Jeza posted:Likewise, some engineers or whatnot may 'mysteriously' disapprove of a large number of female candidates and so on. Ugh gently caress this just reminded me of the worst interviews I’ve ever been in. One of the people on the panel with me was this boomer-age guy who, for some reason, claimed not to be able to understand any of the ESL candidates who came in. He went through their CVs complaining they were incomprehensible because they’d missed the word “the” in a sentence or whatever. One candidate politely turned down our offer of water because she was fasting. Boomer-guy ignored her and poured out water. Again, she turned it down. Again, he ignores her and puts the water in front of her. I’m cringing but I try to get the interview started. Halfway through, boomer interrupts the candidate to slowly, silently, agonisingly lean all the way over the table and push the glass of water towards her as we all stare at him and I die internally. Boomer-guy kept vetoing our hiring decisions and I had to have an awkward chat with the big boss later to explain it was because he’s just racist as hell and making us look bad.
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Feb 18, 2021 15:28
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Schools/unis in the UK love to give weird outdated advice like sending thank you emails after the interview and writing a really long intro section about yourself, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve now started pushing for photos on CV. It’s the old-fashioned mentality of ‘gotta be memorable no matter what it takes!’ The hobbies section of the CV is a thinly-veiled indicator for class, background, personality etc (‘culture fit’) where companies don’t accept cover letters. Someone who puts their hobby as skiing/travelling vs going out with mates (a surprising number of people write this) vs running their own BDSM site are all very different people. I never hear anyone suggest we should hide this section for discrimination reasons though for some reason.
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Mar 2, 2021 11:06
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teen witch posted:Legit hearing the head manager of the office ripping into the office manager about toilet paper and how we use too much. My office sent a staff-wide email because someone drank the office carton of orange juice. Employees are ONLY allowed juice AFTER 5PM ON FRIDAYS!!!
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Mar 4, 2021 17:04
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Tarkus posted:At a place I worked somebody took a couple big shits in the lunch room right in the middle of the floor. The CEO set up cameras to catch the culprit. The person who was doing it adapted and then would take their poo poo in the lower floor bathrooms, move a false ceiling tile and throw the feces over top the office area false ceiling. after a year or so of odd smell in the office they finally found out what was causing the issue. Not sure if they ever caught the guy despite putting camera outside the bathrooms. security camera footage 
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Mar 4, 2021 17:52
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Dysfunctional team in my last workplace implemented the rewards thing. I told them I thought it was a bad idea. Unsurprisingly, some people who already felt underappreciated got very upset that they got 0 nominations, some people who were popular but useless got lots, and people who worked in the big team all backpatted each other while people who kept entire systems running on their lonesome got nowt. Some people did like it though. I find the whole concept kind of humiliating and weird, I’m not going to change my behaviour to earn little treats from my boss/coworkers, just pay me a good salary ffs
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Mar 9, 2021 14:49
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boar guy posted:my wife's work is giving out 125% bonuses this year and at the same time telling everyone they have to come back to the office, this is an industry where it's now standard to let people work from home full time. they are expecting a bloodbath of people quitting once the bonus checks go out Wish I worked here. I got a ‘promotion’ and a bonus of loving zero. I’d be the happiest quitter on earth if I got 125% before going
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Mar 10, 2021 19:59
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A CRAB IRL posted:Dude just straight up accepted a job offer, literally never contacted anyone he was supposed to in our country, turned up to some random meetings and sat there silently now and again so people knew he existed, and no-one ever followed up with him in the states.He has been collecting a principal engineers paycheque, bonus and RSUs ever since. He has netted probably half a million dollars for doing absolutely nothing for three years.  I want career advice from this guyGin_Rummy posted:Am I the only one who would rather sit on the couch, laptop in lap, with the TV on in the background than throw my home PC area out of whack with work vibes and bullshit equipment they try to force upon me? I’ve worked from my bed for a year and I love it (and no not that kind of work). My ‘fun’ computer is desk, dual monitors, nice mouse, all that techie stuff, but my work is way easier than my hobby programming and I just don’t need any of it. Plus I like to be able to sit up, lie down, stretch out full length, get a blanket when I’m cold, roll around a bit... I find chairs uncomfortable, even good office chairs. I still sleep great. It’s not for everyone, if your job is high stress I’m sure you wouldn’t want to do this, but it works for me.
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Mar 16, 2021 17:47
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vyst posted:Leadership always defaults back to waterfall like a bunch of children because they get panic attacks if they can’t put delivery dates on poo poo Which I always think is pretty fair. A customer wants to know when they’re going to get their poo poo. In waterfall I did in-depth estimates and they could look it at and see delivery dates and demo dates. If they’ve never experienced a waterfall estimate being completely wrong, what upfront incentive does a customer or manager have for switching to agile where instead i do a big shrug and say “idk, I can start working on it and we’ll see how it goes I guess”? Especially dumb was where we brought in ‘agile’ but the customer had to have fixed deadlines for regulatory reasons, so we worked in 1 week sprints but still only released every 6 months
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Mar 19, 2021 19:46
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I have two managers. One gives me feedback but isn’t allowed to discuss pay, the other can discuss pay but not my feedback. Great system if you want to send the clear message that pay has nothing to do with performance, I guess 
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Mar 24, 2021 16:22
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vyst posted:Consulting industry? This feels like either consulting or banking/finance Lol yeah it’s finance (in a computer toucher role). At one point I also had a third phantom manager who appeared only on my official HR record but never met me
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Mar 24, 2021 23:09
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~Coxy posted:VLOOKUP is a prime example because as-implemented it's quite quirky and you're probably going to get a couple of weird results until you google it and re-familiarise yourself with its edge cases. The default ‘approximate match’ setting on VLOOKUP has absolutely hosed everyone who has ever used it. Whoever implemented that is a complete rear end in a top hat
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Mar 26, 2021 10:31
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Marmaduke! posted:banned the use of date stamps. This is going to add up to hours of extra writing and terrible RSI for my team. Huh, this just made me realise why digital timestamps are called that.
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Mar 29, 2021 11:17
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We have a new rule that each person can only own one task at a time, and only two tasks can be in the review stage across the whole team at any time. What are you supposed to do while you’re waiting to get in the review pool and you can’t pick up a new task? I don’t know, but I think it rhymes with gideo vames
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Mar 31, 2021 10:00
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The official answer seems to be that we’re meant to help the current tickets get through review. I can hear everyone reaching for their copy of The Mythical Man Month right now.
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Mar 31, 2021 13:09
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If you can’t be FYGM in a capitalist workplace where you literally have no info about or control over other people’s salaries, when can you be? Gimme my money More seriously, unless you work in a cooperative, your pay should have literally nothing to do with other people’s pay. You enter into an agreement with your employer, not with your employer and all your coworkers, and certainly not into some kind of profit share agreeement. If Bob in accounting needs money for his sick kid, it’s clearly inappropriate for the company to deduct money from your paycheque to cover it. If you have an implicit understanding with your employer that you’ll get a raise/bonus every year roughly in line with industry standards, and instead they say “oh sorry you’re overpaid and we needed to bump up Bob’s salary”, it’s still inappropriate because the company appears to have paid other people by deducting money from your future salary. Obviously it’s gonna piss the employee off even if it’s not illegal or anything.
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Mar 31, 2021 17:13
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Yeah I agree with Zarin, they may well want the higher paid people to leave, that’s a great ‘pay equalisation’ outcome for them. If you notice that a bunch of people are underpaid - i.e. they provide the same value as higher paid people for a lower cost - what would YOU do? If you fire the highly paid people directly (assuming that’s possible in your business’s location), lower paid people will cotton on to your grift. This way, you retain all the people who won’t cause a fuss at being underpaid and most of them are even grateful to you. Ok maybe it collapses long term but there are reasons why someone wouldn’t see that coming (e.g. some work of higher paid people is ‘invisible’ so it looks like other people are churning out all the work) e: an important point here being that they HAVEN’T equalised the pay, they’ve just, like, made steps towards it lol. So they can shift the whole pay range down by doing this while retaining most workers Prism Mirror Lens fucked around with this message at 19:24 on Mar 31, 2021 |
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Mar 31, 2021 19:19
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nexus6 posted:edit: I also wonder if these people would change their tune at all if it was deemed they were underpaid and their salary was increasing. It’s not really gonna change their tune, it’s just going to change your opinion of their tune “It’s not fair if I don’t get a pay rise. I’ve worked hard. Why should I lose out so that other people can be paid more?” - a greedy high-paid bastard “It’s not fair if I don’t get a pay rise. I’ve worked hard. Why should I lose out so that other people can be paid more?” - a noble underpaid fellow traveller Everyone of course will support the thing they think is gonna make them money, but that doesn’t necessarily make them hypocrites Prism Mirror Lens fucked around with this message at 11:31 on Apr 1, 2021 |
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Apr 1, 2021 11:28
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vyst posted:Our company doesn’t review historical velocity like at all so every quarter i go back and reduce the velocity of all work items by like 50% so i can keep sprint backlogs small to avoid dev burnout when they have to take on ad hoca and still show a constant upward trend Thank you, you’re a good person. Knowing when to lie your rear end off to protect your team is an important part of leadership. thathonkey posted:i agree but breaking down tasks is also work that takes effort from a someone who understands it (who would probably prefer to do the actual work than ticket it). we're going to need to stop and put some points on that work !!! I know a team that actually does this. Everything becomes a spike and they estimate the spike and then estimate the actual ticket which is the outcome of the spike. Because god forbid someone spends 5 minutes looking into the ticket before the meeting. And god forbid the guy who knows what to do just does the work instead of breaking it down into tickets that a baby could implement - we have to maintain the illusion of devs and tickets being completely interchangeable, otherwise a manager somewhere will start freaking out about bus factor. 
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Apr 7, 2021 09:55
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Tarkus posted:A lot of times the kind of toxicity that I'm talking about is cultivated over the years that they work there. Many times these people start off great but the bitterness seeps in. They'll sneak around from person to person sowing misery and start refusing to do jobs because they think they're too good for them. Like, everyone has poo poo to say about their job but when you spend 20% of your time bitching to other people, it's time to mosey on along. If multiple great people are becoming bitter and sneaking around trying to start a mutiny because they feel undervalued then uhhh maybe there’s some kind of workplace problem? Yeeting them out the door is one solution though
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Apr 19, 2021 19:57
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Diametunim posted:This 80+ hours, are you nuts? If you play your cards right as a computer toucher you can do like 20 hours of actual work and still earn ~100k lol
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Apr 22, 2021 20:54
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thathonkey posted:does anyone here admin a slack instance by chance. i am curious what kinds of snooping and passive text search they offer to companies to track their employees communications. i think obvious admins could read any private conversations they want to but does it go further than that even? obviously dont say stuff on slack you wouldnt wAnt your bosses to read but im wondering what exactly they have on offer This might be outdated now but it wasn’t as simple as the admin being able to snoop on private convos, they have to do a data export which probably wouldn’t happen unless there was some legal requirement. So your DMs are actually relatively private. Admins can snoop on locked group chats though, causing much hilarity when employees think their group bitch/banter sessions are private
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Apr 26, 2021 14:49
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Does anyone else have the customer/coworker who is perfectly lucid in emails but keeps wanting to video call you so that they can say things like “I have a question, um, when I - when I - you know, like - when I *gestures wildly* why does it - like - why does the thing - um - what I mean is when I do this, it like, doesn’t, like, you know, do what I want, if that makes sense?” I want to help but PLEASE just email me for gods sake
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Apr 29, 2021 14:10
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titty_baby_ posted:At the interview for the job I'm starting, one of the questions was like "how have you handled being in a less then ideal workplace?". I didnt intend to, but I pretty much spilled the beans about all the dysfunctional poo poo from my last job and told them how I tried to keep my head above water while looking for other employment and eventually just put in my two weeks without anything lined up. I expected a negative reaction but they told me "yeah man sometimes all you can do is watch out for yourself, and it sounds like you made the right decision". I felt elated, as everyone else had told me not to quit without a job lined up and that a gap on your resume is bad etc etc Is it just me or is that a very suspicious interview question? I’d be like “uh, why, is that going to be relevant to my job here?”
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May 7, 2021 19:59
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I haven’t had anything to do at work for about 3 weeks now. I do maybe half an hour of work, ask if anyone needs my help, and then read a book all day unless something breaks. I keep asking to change to a team where there is work but my current team says they still need me. They sure don’t.
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May 12, 2021 12:34
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Spent this morning calculating how long I could live if I just quit my job. When the gently caress is UBI coming
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May 19, 2021 13:00
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Holy poo poo why do companies do this: Dev: hey product owner I think it would be better to prioritise x PO: you’re just a developer, begone peasant Manager: why didn’t you work on x? Dev: because PO told me not to Manager: omg you need to take ownership, develop your leadership and management skills, you can’t just do what you’re told when you’re senior! If you’re not doing 3 people’s jobs for 0.5 person’s pay then are you really a senior dev at all
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May 20, 2021 12:19
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TBF in this case it was more like “oh ok, let me talk to the five thousand people that need to give approval before anyone can work on x” and then of course I never hear back. But I did have a PO before who asked why I thought I was entitled to know about new features before they were presented to customers or put on the roadmap.
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May 20, 2021 12:43
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Blue Moonlight posted:job-1 eliminated personal waste bins to “promote collaboration.” Collaboration? Are they picturing the employees forming a human chain from desk to wastebin?
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May 27, 2021 11:27
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Why don’t people just go for a nice walk/drive/meditation without their boss mandating they do so? 
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May 27, 2021 12:28
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Every month I have to manually message three people in the right order to unlock access to a database that I can’t do my job without. The access expires silently so once a month someone asks me to do something urgently and I suddenly can’t. In an effort to improve this, they made a Jira system to request access. Now I have to make a ticket AND manually message three people.
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Jun 9, 2021 10:49
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Work doesn’t have enough tech interviewers. Did they offer any incentives to encourage people to interview? Hell no, they just made it mandatory for senior devs to do interviews. Candidates will love the enthusiastic vibe this is sure to create 
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Jul 8, 2021 11:50
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mllaneza posted:Let's say HR wants a new employee database. Tackling important edge cases will be an MVP priority? Give it up, you don’t work in software!
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Jul 15, 2021 10:28
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99% sure that mistake is a deliberate test. Also 99% sure that place is some kind of cult
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Jul 29, 2021 15:56
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Did anyone else get options that ended up with negative value lol (ok yeah technically they can’t be negative since you wouldn’t exercise them, but you know what I mean)
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Aug 18, 2021 18:12
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Is it normal to have no loving idea what most of the job roles mean in your workplace. Wtf is a strategy officer or a strategy manager or a data quality analyst or a product associate. I just constantly hope these people don’t talk to me
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Sep 2, 2021 12:57
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