CONTROL YOUR NARRATIVE

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > CONTROL YOUR NARRATIVE

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

bebaloorpabopalo posted:

What is a #Project?

A �Project� is the proverbial aspiring �sports-entertainment� performer seeking �opportunity� to live their �dream.�
In the world of the �corporate wrestling brands� you are referred to as an �extra.� You are paid a meager penance to stand awkwardly in ill fitting dress clothes.

Scenario 1: you are led blindly through the �dark� into a match that you are not prepared for. You are sacrificed for the �corporate good.� You have a minor accolade that you humble brag about on social media. Quickly forgotten validation. You patiently wait 4-8 months for your next �opportunity.�

Scenario 2: you are put into outfit that says �SECURITY� or �POLICE.� Your authority is not respected and you, again, are sacrificed for the �corporate good.� You patiently wait 4-8 months for your next �opportunity.�

Scenario 3: You are fed adequately via �catering.� Nobody recognizes you exist. You patiently wait 4-8 months for your next �opportunity.�

Why become a #Project?

A #Project understands this circle is endless and contrived. Seeks something more. Deeper purpose.

Through #ControlYourNarrative they can �become who they are supposed to be.�

What does a #Project do?

A #Project is prepared to forgo their independent �sports-entertainment� persona and destroy this past through the trial and tribulation of The Narrative.

A #Project assumes their �Project Number� as their new handle. This number is their choice and must never be forgotten.

A #Project fills out their #ProjectNarrative Initiation Form. Signs this as both an NDA and waiver of liability.

A #Project attends a respective #ProjectNarrative Seminar where they will:

-Perform their Sports-Entertainment Persona.
-Undergo Psycho Analyzation by members of The Narrative.
-Brain Dump their truth. Their authentic selves.
-Accept criticism, critiques, and (verbal) castration.
-and finally, FIGHT.

Upon completion of the #ProjectNarrative seminar, the #Project has access and opportunity within #ControlYourNarrative.
Their number will be called to assist on �Fight Night� set-up, promotional assistance, sponsor related sucking up activities, nefarious narrative business, while most importantly become eligible for prime position to fight in #ControlYourNarrative sanctioned events, and character developing segments on #ControlYourNarrative televised features.

Favoritism and Politics WILL BE PLAYED.

How to become a #Project?

Purchase your #ProjectPackage

This includes:

#Project sanctioned attire (1 Branded Black Hood. 1 Branded Black T-Shirt)

#ProjectNarrative Tenants (the hand written ec3 manifesto on 10 Foundations of Professional Wrestling)

Your #ProjectNarrative Initiation Form

Entry into your #ProjectNarrative Seminar (hosted by ec3 and members of #CYN)

The first step into the next phase of your life.

Eligible only to TRAINED SPORTS-ENTERTAINERS. (If you are not, your money will not be refunded and #CYN has rights to refuse anyone and everyone.)

(If you feel this is a grift, you have not been in the professional wrestling industry long enough.)

We here at #ControlYourNarrative look forward to taking those who choose this bold endeavor into our fold.

You are taking back #Control

You are prepared to fight for your #Freedom.

Through #CYN you will find #Purpose.

-The Narrator

My This Promotion Is Not A Grift shirt is raising a lot of questions already answered by my shirt

# ¿ Feb 28, 2022 11:35

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 14:13

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Oh my god the fuckin �nutrition� page is just a bunch of rebranded Mrs. Dash with an incredible description

quote:

"Big Seasoning" has been contaminating your beef, chicken, fish and even your vegetables for far too long. Control your nutrition provides all natural ingredients. Health consequence herbs and spices provide flavor that will punch you in the face. The time is now to take back control of your nutrition!

The Control Your Nutrition 4-Pack is our best value, combing all 4 seasonings so you're covered for every kind of meal. Save $4 when you buy all 4!

Best of all, each 4-Pack includes one month of free project narrative nutrition training app by EC3.

Oh man someone find Ec3�s fukkn Get On The Gas nutrition app I must see it

# ¿ Feb 28, 2022 12:02

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Saul Goode posted:

So let me get this straight, guys like Austin Aries, Flip Gordon, TJ Perkins, Low-Ki and Teddy Hart are paying like $500 to do Fight Club cosplay in some abandoned warehouse or something while getting yelled at by Ethan Carter, who is also writing unabomber-like manifestos on professional wrestling and worshipping Patrick Bateman. I mean, that sounds loving #amazing to be #honest.

Don't forget to "have" plenty of "scare" quotes as "well"

# ¿ Feb 28, 2022 15:23

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

DLC Inc posted:

it just feels like Fight Club 2: Direct To DVD.

THANK YOU, god I was trying to place it and this fits perfectly.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2022 17:09

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

The rant room holy poo poo lmao

# ¿ Feb 28, 2022 18:31

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Big

Seasoning

# ¿ Feb 28, 2022 21:26

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

https://twitter.com/charlievanspro/status/1498415930455601158?s=21

# ¿ Feb 28, 2022 23:46

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

https://twitter.com/yuhb0y/status/1498523586335756291?s=21

# ¿ Mar 1, 2022 08:05

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Drakkel posted:

So how long until Joey Ryan shows up in this thing

Honestly shocked he hasn't yet.

# ¿ Mar 1, 2022 11:35

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

50 bucks a month for ec3 to tell you to eat healthy and copy/paste some workout routines, holy poo poo

# ¿ Mar 1, 2022 14:57

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Pylons posted:

https://streamable.com/f5bnr6

EC3 "accidentally" makes a Nazi joke here.

oh god you can just feel SRS's regret as soon as he makes that joke

# ¿ Mar 1, 2022 21:45

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

https://twitter.com/draconiandays/status/1498760816207802386?s=21

😮

# ¿ Mar 1, 2022 21:54

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

it honestly bothers me that EC3 is barehanding that chicken that doesn't even look like any seasoning hit it, while other dude at least had gloves on for his broc

# ¿ Mar 1, 2022 22:49

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Manwithastick posted:

Bonus

I was scrolling through Danhausen clips and came across Danhausen talking to EC3 about CYN - you can see Hausen�s eyes roll back in his head when he hears the twaddle that EC3 comes up with
https://youtu.be/ksYmkyWX9Y8

About 2:55 in

this is absolutely delightful, oh my god

also Austin Aries controlling the hell out of his narrative

https://twitter.com/tayredacted/status/1499022095933657099

# ¿ Mar 2, 2022 16:11

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

someone get ec3 and braun in touch with the fuckin STREETBEEFS crew

# ¿ Mar 3, 2022 18:14

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

https://twitter.com/fujiwaraarmbar/status/1500163258384371714?s=21

# ¿ Mar 5, 2022 19:24

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Braun gonna bonk his head on those ducts

# ¿ Mar 6, 2022 01:19

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

DarkstarIV posted:

Apparently whenever someone wins a match, instead of being announced as the winner, its "[WRESTLER NAME] controlled their narrative".

no loving way lmaooooooo

# ¿ Mar 6, 2022 01:45

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

https://twitter.com/xeniadidthat/status/1500261188764160005?s=21

# ¿ Mar 6, 2022 01:55

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

https://twitter.com/xeniadidthat/status/1500276868452429824

congrats to damo on becoming Bald Bearded Wrestler #26,037

# ¿ Mar 6, 2022 02:58

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Lamuella posted:

Exclusive shot of the new Control Your Narrative ring.

Lmao perfect

# ¿ Mar 6, 2022 15:47

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Lumbermouth posted:

This is twice as funny knowing that it�s MLW big leaguing them.

oh my god this is beautiful lol

# ¿ Mar 10, 2022 15:05

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Trying posted:

Broman used to be on World's Strongest Man, which is pretty cool. I might be thinking of The Mountain from Game of Thrones

I think both have been in them.

# ¿ Mar 10, 2022 21:08

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

https://twitter.com/BamSullivan/status/1504127789280157697

much better

# ¿ Mar 16, 2022 17:21

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

EC3 absolutely has some degree of self-awareness in terms of being a wrestler and promoter, there's no way you can cut a promo about your seasoned broccoli farts without that. He can also be a meathead chud with his politics. It's not like those two things have to be mutually exclusive.

projecthalaxy posted:

amazing punchline to that list

hahahaha holy poo poo

# ¿ Mar 22, 2022 16:24

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Doing the show at Harpos owns but maaaann they are not gonna come anywhere close to filling that place

Iron Maiden did a show with Fear factory there a lifetime ago and it ruled

# ¿ Apr 27, 2022 11:08

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

It seems the #rantroom will not be in Detroit or Cleveland

quote:

VIP ADMISSION
$99.99 + $6.00

MORE INFO
Includes: Guaranteed Stage/1st Row Seating, Complimentary Meet and Greet Photo Opp with Adam Scherr and EC3. Early access to the stars of CYN. Drawstring III Brand Bag with Autographed Poster, mystery merchandise, and 50% off coupon for T-Shirt/Hooded Sweatshirt!

# ¿ Apr 27, 2022 12:09

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

https://twitter.com/WrestlingNewsCo/status/1523720412948959234

lmaooooo

# ¿ May 9, 2022 18:47

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Stone Punkbull 141 posted:

Someone did a video on CYN.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vomf8OMAJF0

This is a remarkably solid summary of the whole stupid thing

# ¿ Jul 5, 2022 05:47

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Jiro posted:

Archer vs Johnny Mundo sounds way more loving cool than whatever CYN was going to do with Scherr's lack of knees.

Seriously yeah this sounds like a pretty fun match

# ¿ Jul 5, 2022 20:11

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

https://twitter.com/AdamYearyNTWF/status/1546543345375272960

THE RANT ROOM IS COMING TO A ~~STADIUM~~ ~~ARENA~~ ~~CONCERT VENUE~~ ~~BINGO HALL~~ EMPTY ROOM NEAR YOU

# ¿ Jul 11, 2022 18:24