r/relationships: it sounds like I'm having sex with a parrot or malfunctioning robot

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: it sounds like I'm having sex with a parrot or malfunctioning robot

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The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Personally, I think the Tuesday rule ought to be waived if the offense does, in fact, occur on a Tuesday

# ¿ Apr 3, 2024 00:04

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# ¿ May 17, 2024 02:09

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Mx. posted:

WIBTA for calling out Stepdad after lying about his account being �hacked�

Let he who has not been ""hacked"" cast the first stone

Not exactly applicable to this post but 99% of cases of people being "hacked" on social media these days are "hacked" in the same sense as my apartment being "hacked" by me leaving my door open and someone strolling right on in and stealing everything while making GBS threads everywhere

# ¿ Apr 3, 2024 08:03

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Skiing/snowboarding is actually super affordable if you try! All you have to do is live within a few hours' drive of a shitload of ski resorts, buy all of your gear used (except maybe the boots) and deal with the shittiness and potential safety hazards that entails, and forgo those useless, expensive lessons that teach you how to do things like "do it safely" and "actually enjoy yourself", and it's totally doable!

I live in Denver and am very much not-rich, and have managed to ski a lot because of all of the above, but I'm not naive enough to think that's possible and/or safe/enjoyable for the vast majority of people. A day ticket at Vail, or hell even Keystone or Breckenridge, is drat near one-third to half the cost of an entire season pass at this point, and if you don't live local or plan to take an extended vacation here there's really no reason to buy said pass.

It sucks a whole lot, because snowsports loving own and I wish everybody could have this level of access to them :sigh:

Shanghaied posted:

I mean maybe it's just a Scandi thing, but you can very much still find smaller resorts where the lift pass is like $20-30, and equipment hire cost like another $30 a day?

Our public school used to do ski trips one or two times a year. The school paid for the three-hour buss ride, and the families paid for everything else, and it was like $30-40 if you didn't have your own skis. Everyone had a packed lunch and snacks.

lmao it's definitely a Scandi thing, I live in Colorado USA which is basically the skiing capitol of the country, and you'd be laughed out of the loving room if you asked where you could find $20-$30 day tickets. The closest resort to Denver, which is literally a terrain park and like three runs, starts at $59 :shepicide:

The Maroon Hawk fucked around with this message at 06:43 on Apr 4, 2024

# ¿ Apr 4, 2024 06:40

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Oh good, here come the wedding haters

# ¿ Apr 4, 2024 19:25

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Larry Cum Free posted:

In which a man contemplates staying with the worst human being imaginable: (bolding mine)

I (28m) highly considering ending my 7 year relationship with my (26f) gf. Looking for advice

WHAT ARE HER BAD YEARS GOING TO BE LIKE???

Exhibit A for why AITA needs a �what does this person actually bring to the table?� rule, that�s an awfully long wall of text to not contain a single positive thing about her

# ¿ Apr 4, 2024 21:51

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

AreWeDrunkYet posted:

if that was 8 average margaritas around here it would be impressive if the dude was still upright.

Not just eight margs - eight margs over dinner, which I�m assuming can�t be longer than 2-3 hours

# ¿ Apr 5, 2024 22:27

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

It doesn�t even say that the gf attacked the mom because she thought the OP was having an affair; there�s literally no explanation given, plausible or not :psyduck:

# ¿ Apr 6, 2024 02:05

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Midnight Voyager posted:

Eh, "didn't know it was my mom," just another woman? It's not a very big gap to fill.

Sure, but you�d still think at some point he, y�know, ask her why she did it

Actually, that�s probably giving him way too much credit

# ¿ Apr 6, 2024 03:12

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Cythereal posted:

How to break to my college-age daughters that I'm dating someone their age??!! Please help

Paragraphs added.

The snort I let out when I got to �Moscow� :lol:

Also, talk about burying the loving lede

# ¿ Apr 7, 2024 00:16

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

I�m exhausted just reading this

AITA for spending all my money that was supposed to be used to get us back home?

quote:

AITA for spending all my money that was supposed to be used to get us back home?

My fiance's family invited us to go with them on a little vacation. They told us not to worry about money because they covered the air bnb so all we would have to pay for is gas. It's a 19hr car drive. We arrived last Wednesday.

My in laws are so overbearing. Like if I go and take a shower, they are knocking on the door within 3 minutes to check on me. If I go to the bedroom to have a minute to myself, they are yelling up to me within 5 minutes to see if I'm good. If I say I need to go for a walk to clear my head, they follow me and make it a family thing. If I want to go site see they immediately get ready to go too and coerce us to go to the sites they think I will enjoy, versus what I would actually like. They sit there and talk to me and won't let me go to bed until after midnight and then they are up knocking on the door at 6am to get me and my fiance downstairs for coffee. And they literally do not stop talking from sun up to sun down.

I'm an introvert. I need space to refill my social bar and since I've been here, I haven't had a moment to myself. I mean not even being able to take a shower without being harassed is pissing me the gently caress off. I've talked to my fiance about it several times and have told him more than once I need "me time". I need to stop being followed. I need to decompress. His way of combating this was to be up my rear end 24/7 and continuously asking if I'm okay or to bitch to me about how annoyed he is becoming. Not helping at all. I've told him that. But after being followed when I was on the phone and having his mother try talking over the conversation I was having, it was the final straw. I packed my stuff and went to a hotel by myself. The $250 of my money to get home was now spent because I needed to get away before I lost it. My fiance knew I was beyond touched out and I warned him this was going to happen but apparently he didn't believe me. So now he's shocked that I would do this and make everything awkward for him and spend my portion of the trip money. AITA?

ETA: I mentioned to my in laws directly a few times that I needed space to decompress. Even when stating I needed to go on a walk to clear my head, they took it as an invitation to come along, despite me stating I needed space. Or like when I went to the bedroom, I announced it to the entire room that I needed a minute, and they proceeded to continuously yell up to me to make sure I was good. So they were fully aware that I was getting touched out but it seems like in their head that meant that they needed to helicopter and make sure I was okay by tagging along and watching me. We had plenty of money to get home. We set aside a specific set of money for the gas back. Me spending my set aside money for the gas back did not in any way leave us stranded here.

INFO: are your in-laws a herd of cats?

# ¿ Apr 7, 2024 01:17

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Keeping the rizz on fleek, no cap

# ¿ Apr 9, 2024 23:39

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Troublemaker posted:

Uh ...

I(29m) am unsure about what to do about my wifes(33F) eating cat kibble?

This gal should hook up with Bathroom Butter Guy

# ¿ Apr 12, 2024 01:31

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Carole & Co. don�t even need OP to drive them to NYC, that�s like the one region of the country that actually has decent regional public transportation

# ¿ Apr 12, 2024 01:53

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

FMguru posted:

AITA for missing my son's birth to see the eclipse?

From r/AmITheEx, naturally.

So many bangers in that story. "My wife should know that I support her even if I'm not physically there with her"

quote:

I think this is outrageous and I don't see why I should be demonized for choosing a once in a lifetime event over something that could happen again if we have more children.

lol �it�s okay hon, I�ll just catch the next one!�

# ¿ Apr 12, 2024 17:45

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

artsy fartsy posted:

Lol, this'll learn her

AITA for faking a serious eye injury, making my mom faint, and ruining my birthday party.

Stupid daughter! You made me look bad!! *puts on mask* OOGA BOOGA BOOGA

# ¿ Apr 13, 2024 01:54

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Pantaloon Pontiff posted:

Why not just get takeout? I don't know if this story is recent, but even pre-2020 pretty much every restaurant (and especially chain restaurants) had some option for takeaway food, and that seems to entirely solve the problem for him.

The part about �not a lot of people are going out right now� suggests that this was roughly mid/late-2020, which would have been an exceptional time to get takeout/delivery instead of dining in. Double YTA for being a plague monster

# ¿ Apr 13, 2024 20:09

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

syntaxfunction posted:

lol get hosed, especially at "I did intervene and switch one person�s end time because they had concert tickets that they had already paid for, but this was a special circumstance because there was cost involved" you piece of poo poo.

"this was a special circumstance because there was cost involved"

Because there's no costs involved in getting a college degree, right?

lmao get hosed OP

# ¿ Apr 14, 2024 09:31

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Shanghaied posted:

AITA for telling my English teacher to mind her own business?

Maybe the English teacher is like "weather is not real, it's called 'climate change'"

lol wait hold up

quote:

I often discuss my interests in weather and nature with my friends at lunch.

This kid isn�t even being annoying about weather in her class, he�s discussing it over lunch and this apparently pisses the teacher off? The gently caress kinda school is this where teachers regularly overhear what their students are discussing at lunch? :psyduck:

# ¿ Apr 14, 2024 19:16

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Computer Jones posted:

the teacher hates autistic children and will not tolerate them having special interests or otherwise behaving in a neurodivergent way. it really is like this sometimes. I remember a childhood friend being disallowed from playing his favourite video game because he was "talking about it too much".

Ah, yep, having also been one of those kids that makes total sense

# ¿ Apr 14, 2024 19:55

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

rpop posted:

Kids absolutely do have first amendment rights, at least when public schools are involved.

https://firstamendment.mtsu.edu/article/rights-of-students/

Looks like it may depend on whether the OP attends public or private school

Thanks for that link, it's interesting. In Morse v. Frederick,

I think it may come down to whether it's considered disruptive or not, and whether the government has an interest in preventing that type of speech. I am not a lawyer so I don't know any better, but I wish the kid success fighting back against censorship of weather talk.

Maybe the kid is standing on his desk and screaming hurricane names at the top of his lungs

# ¿ Apr 14, 2024 21:29

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

I can believe the helping with grading papers, but a teacher overhearing lunchtime conversations, on a frequent basis, and getting mad about the most benign topic imaginable? Freak poo poo

# ¿ Apr 15, 2024 01:23

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

The plot twist on this one isn�t super scandalous or anything, but I genuinely never would�ve guessed it based on the initial post

My girlfriend is acting obsessed with this random family she just met

quote:

I figured I should ask for advice because this situation is really weird and I have no idea how to handle it.

My girlfriend "Maggie" and I have been together for just 3 months so our relationship is still very new. Things have been going well aside from this problem:

A few weeks ago, Maggie started a new job and quickly became friends with her new co-worker "Joe." For the record, I have no problem with Maggie having male friends. I have female friends and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But Maggie and Joe seemed unusually close after a very short amount of time. Like Maggie was telling me that she was scoping out her co-workers to see who was all business and who she could joke around with and maybe become better friends with. She said it would be pretty easy though, because Joe was telling her who was cool. But Maggie barely knows Joe, so why does she trust him so much?

Maggie and Joe were hanging out so much outside of work that I actually did feel a little weird about it. I then found out that aside from work they usually hung out with Joe's wife and kids, which made cheating unlikely but was still really weird. Most people don't have near strangers hanging out with their little kids that much.

Maggie has been putting this family above other friends, like when she waited on rsvp'ing to a friend's party until she could nail down other plans with Joe and his family. The plans with Joe's family were very vague and hadn't been decided yet, but Maggie was willing to miss her friend's party if it was the only time Joe's family was available.

I met them for the first time, and it was very bizarre. Maggie isn't a big fan of kids but she was all over Joe's kids. She got down on the floor and crawled around with the baby. The older kid was very shy and didn't seem that comfortable with me but she got very excited when she saw Maggie and climbed into Maggie's lap, so Maggie has obviously spent a lot of time with the family in the past few weeks. The older kid calls Maggie "Auntie." Maggie once told me she didn't like babysitting and always tries to get out of it, but apparently she has babysat for them, and she refuses to take money for babysitting. This is just so out of character for her. They also made some weird jokes about Maggie coming to live in their basement??? which was really weird in combination with everything else that is going on. (Hopefully that was just a joke).

For Thanksgiving, we decided to just celebrate with our own families because we haven't been together that long. Joe and his family weren't able to travel far to meet their own family, so Maggie invited them to her parents house. That's very kind, but it was a couple hours away and they all slept over, so it wasn't a casual trip. Some pictures were taken, including a posed one of Maggie and Joe's family, with the older kid hugging Maggie's shoulders. Maggie made a comment about how she was glad her "chosen family" could come to Thanksgiving. It is beyond bizarre, she barely knows these people! She has been in the new job just under two months and somehow become absorbed into this random family.

And this is so out of character. She told me once that she hates it when people she doesn't know well insist on hugging her or how cheaply some people say "I love you" but she is taking this up to 11. She is fretting right now because the oldest kid's birthday is coming, and Maggie apparently needs to get that kid a birthday and a Christmas gift and a Christmas gift for the baby, too. The only gift I'd ever gotten a co-worker s kid is when they had a baby shower at work.

I don't even know how to bring this up. I know her friendships aren't really my business, but this is so strange it's making me uncomfortable so I feel like I have to say something, but I don't even know what to say. Maggie cheating on me with Joe would actually make more sense than this. Any advice? This isn't normal, right?

Update: my girlfriend is acting obsessed with this random family she just met

quote:

As a quick summary: I thought something weird was going on with my girlfriend "Maggie" who became quickly and extremely close to her new co-worker "Joe" and his wife "Kate." After just a couple weeks, she was trusting Joe with everything work related, babysitting their children for free and buying them gifts, having the kids call her auntie, putting this family above her other friends, inviting the family to Maggie's family Thanksgiving, and referring to them as her chosen family. I thought that either this whole thing was some kind of cover for an affair or Maggie had attachment issues.

I figured out what was going on and I feel like a huge idiot. I went to see Maggie to ask for an explanation and figured if I didn't like what I heard I'd break up with her, because either she was cheating or had an emotional issue I couldn't handle.

I had the opportunity when I saw the gifts Maggie had gotten for Joe and Kate's kids. It seemed so strange for someone who doesn't really like kids that much to go so overboard for kids she just met.

I asked Maggie why she gave the kids such special treatment even though she doesn't really like kids that much. Maggie explained that she felt differently about these kids because she had been around to watch them grow and was close to Joe and Kate, so the kids are more like family to her, which means she treats them differently than other kids and they're the exception to the rule. Maggie said she'd probably tone it down eventually, but since they were so young she wanted to get them something really nice for Christmas.

I wasn't really sure what to say next because it seemed so irrational, but then Maggie said that she used to exchange Christmas gifts with Joe and Kate too, but that they had all decided it was too much trouble and unnecessary so these days she usually bakes them something or gets them a nice bottle of wine.

I realized I was missing something important. If Maggie had other Christmases with Joe's family, she couldn't have just met them like I thought. I had thought that Maggie might have emotional issues that made her attach herself to people she barely knew, but I didn't think Maggie was actually crazy enough to imagine that she knew them before. I didn't want to ask, so I acted normally until I left.

When I got home, I went through Maggie's Facebook. She wasn't lying and she's not crazy. I found a ton of photos with Joe and Kate going back a decade. From what I can figure out, they all went to college together, Joe and Maggie were Big Brother and Little Sister in a coed frat/sorority, and Maggie and Kate were roommates. I also found pictures of Maggie as a bridesmaid in Joe and Kate wedding and pictures of Maggie holding their newborn children so they are obviously close friends who have known each other for a long time. All of Maggie's behavior makes perfect sense now that I know all this.

I think this whole thing is my fault. I have ADHD and I don't handle it well. I've had issues when people are talking to me for awhile, where I start zoning them out. I've been called out for this before. I think it's pretty likely that Maggie did tell me about Joe and Kate and I just wasn't listening. Maggie hasn't actually done anything wrong or creepy so I think it's more likely that I wasn't listening when Maggie explained instead of this being a trick.

This was a pretty big wakeup call for me. I've been ignoring my problem because I didn't want to face facts that it was serious but I know I need to do something before I make anymore mistakes. I'm going to start off by looking for a therapist.

# ¿ Apr 15, 2024 03:40

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

litany of gulps posted:

You do you, but joining the alt right in their crusade against the schools isn�t going to end the way you think it is.

Lmfao

# ¿ Apr 15, 2024 05:19

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Shanghaied posted:

We've had intruding MILs, now get ready for the creepy FILs!

AITA for telling my husband and father-in-law that they could have a say in my birth plan if they had skin (or genitals to be more exact) in the game.

lol this OP owns

I had a family friend who let his wife hold his hand during delivery and got a broken hand out of it, I can't even imagine what that amount of strength would do to a pair of balls instead of something with bones :allears:

# ¿ Apr 15, 2024 07:27

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Hell yeah, I�d party with those guys

# ¿ Apr 17, 2024 00:08

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

I�m a great driver other than all these at-fault accidents, most of which involved me flooring it into a parked car

Sex Farm posted:

Some people should just not be allowed to drive. I wish cities and towns were designed in a way that would make it easier to take someone's driving privileges away

My cousin failed his final driving test 15 times before he passed. He should not be on the road.

Agreed, but OP even says public transit in their city is �okay� (probably astoundingly good by American standards) and they just prefer the �freedom� that their car gives them

Gotta keep my freedom to keep slamming my car into stationary objects

# ¿ Apr 18, 2024 05:57

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

wheatpuppy posted:

First date was interesting to say the least

If this guy doesn�t like her I�ll take her, she sounds rad

# ¿ Apr 18, 2024 06:17

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Mx. posted:

AITA for not mowing my neighbors yard??

quote:
I�ve seen him on multiple occasions scrubbing individual rocks of his driveway with a toothbrush

what the gently caress

# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 07:49

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

oh jay posted:

Another old one. I don't think it made as big of a splash as some other classics, but it stuck on me because it would be my own personal hell.

[32m] My wife [33f] will not shut up, and I'm not sure I can take it that much longer. Is it possible for that to be a reason to leave?

The bit about talking continuously from Tampa to Chicago - a 17hr drive, by the way - made my soul collapse inward like a black hole

Personal hell, indeed

# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 22:09

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Pomme de Terror posted:

AITAH for not agreeing to serve non-vegan food at a vegan wedding?

One time I was in the break room at work listening to one of my co-workers rant about how bad and stupid vegan food was, while eating an apple.

He did not respond well to me pointing out that the apple he was eating was technically vegan food.

# ¿ Apr 20, 2024 08:00

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Incoherence posted:

Did I miss the part where not-really-bio-dad did anything to deserve the name "creep"?

Being a supportive father figure, loving freak

# ¿ Apr 21, 2024 22:15

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

The �issue� was the idiot judge, duh :rolleyes:

# ¿ Apr 21, 2024 22:18

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

trickybiscuits posted:

My sympathy is automatically with the son, I haven't even met this person and already I feel the need to set a boundary about how much of their whining I'm going to listen to

Help me Reddit, my son and his wife are parents of newborns/young children (I guess the story didn�t specify age) and they�re acting like it!!! :mad:

# ¿ Apr 22, 2024 02:25

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Reading through that Sims one reminded me of this one about a parent deleting their kids' Minecraft world in the middle of the initial COVID lockdowns (this one probably isn't technically abuse but holy gently caress will it get your blood boiling, especially if you've ever made anything cool in Minecraft yourself)

AITA for deleting my son's Minecraft world?

quote:

I have 2 children, a 9 year old son and a 6 year old daughter. My son had a Minecraft world where he built quite an impressive castle on an island, which he was very proud to show to me.

Since school was canceled, he has had issues with waking up on time. He is supposed to wake up at 7 each morning, but for the past month he has been sleeping in until about 9 or 10. I always set an alarm for him, but he sleeps right through it. I don't wake him up because waking himself up is a skill that he needs to learn. I told him about 2 weeks ago that there are going to be consequences for him if he continues to sleep in every morning. At first, he understood and was waking up on time every morning. But for the past week or so, he has fallen back into old habits. I told him yesterday that this is his final warning. Today, he slept in until 11.

So I followed through with my warning, and went on the computer and deleted his favorite Minecraft world. I also took away computer privileges for the next month. When I told him, he started screaming and crying. He told me that he spent a whole year working on that world, and he's very distraught that he's never going to see it again. He has been crying and sobbing throughout the day, and has refused to eat any of his meals.

# ¿ Apr 23, 2024 08:08

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

r/relationships: Hope he find Jesus or something though.

# ¿ Apr 23, 2024 23:17

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

If somebody responded to me saying I needed to go to the hospital with haha reacts and blocking me, that would abso-loving-lutely be grounds to :sever:

, regardless of the stated reason for the hospital trip

# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 00:42

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

One of the comments says something along the lines of �if I called my girlfriend and my number was blocked, I�d assume I was single and move on with my life accordingly� and I think that just about sums it up

# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 00:58

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Being in a car for more than like an hour is torture, the Europeans are correct

# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 01:31

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

SyNack Sassimov posted:

Point is, I found it to be out of the ordinary, but not ridiculous, and I don't understand why Europeans are so bothered with driving long distances. And yeah the UK is one thing, but France and Spain (and OBVIOUSLY Germany) have real nice highways, basically empty because people can't afford the gasoline, and it's just about the same experience as driving US interstates.

I�d imagine they�re bothered by driving long distances because trips of that length are generally done by train there, the far superior method of regional travel

# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 02:08

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# ¿ May 17, 2024 02:09

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Having people not believe you or downplay your medical problems - or, my personal pet peeve, say things like �you�re too young for it to be that bad� - has got to be one of the most frustrating, debasing feelings one can feel

# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 05:49

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: it sounds like I'm having sex with a parrot or malfunctioning robot

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