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May 17, 2024 01:32
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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I told my girlfriend I used an AI dating bot to chat with her. She blocked me. Next steps?
quote:I'm a 27-year-old tech nerd living in the Bay Area, and dating here is challenging, especially for someone like me who struggles with talking to women.
A couple of months ago, I decided to try an AI dating bot, just to see what would happen. To my surprise, it worked! I matched with this amazing girl - she's beautiful, intelligent, and we have an incredible connection.
We've been seeing each other for a while now, and it's been great.But today, during our FaceTime call, I decided to come clean about how we met. I told her that when we first started chatting, I was using an AI bot and that it sent most of those early messages. This has been bothering me for weeks, and I thought she would appreciate my honesty.
I was wrong. She looked shocked and upset, then abruptly ended the call. When I tried to call back, she texted me saying she can't talk right now.
An hour later, I texted her again, and my heart sank when I saw my messages had gone from blue to green. She's always had read receipts on, but now it seems she's blocked my number. It's been five hours, and still no response.
What should I do? I really really like her
TL;DR: I thought I was doing the right thing by admitting to my girlfriend that I used an AI dating bot when we first matched. Now she's not talking to me, and I'm afraid I messed up badly.
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Apr 3, 2024 02:50
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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AITA for not including any of the neighbor’s kids into my daycare because of how they acted in the beginning?
quote:Let me start this off by saying I have a daycare license and when I got my apartment, a 1 bedroom open space plan (obviously aside from the bedroom) I was very upfront about how I was going to use the space to my landlord. It took some compromising but I have full permission to use the area as a daycare lawfully and locally (landlord). My apartment is on the first floor so all clients have to do is walk through the lobby where I meet them/guide them to the apartment which is the first one on the hallway. Please ask any questions if needed, I’m trying to not give too much details about location.
My neighbors were unhappy about this I think. Whether it was passive aggressive notes or side eyeing the parents that would sometimes wait in the building’s lobby, they were not kind. My daycare is from 10am to 6pm which is pretty standard hours for noise and I don’t let the kids run wild or anything but I’ve always received complaints.
I had an issue come to head last week when a local daycare near us had to close down for a while. I’m not associated with that daycare so I don’t know all of it. All I know from the news and all was that the daycare had to close down due to improper building regulations or something.
This led to some of my neighbors asking if I had space for their kid(s). Now, their kids are of age for the license I’m authorized to care for. However, although I can’t confirm who did or didn’t complain, I’m pretty sure plenty of the parents who reached out must’ve complained at some point especially the ones on our floor. I think it’s unfair to take them in after they made complaints.
I reached out to ask the landlord if it’s fine to put a poster on the building bulletin board that I will not be taking in any kids of the building who were not already enrolled in my daycare. He confirmed that would be fine as long as it was informational (so no saying I’m refusing because of past compliants). I put up the notice/flyer without issue.
Today though, I had a neighbor knock on my door. I opened and he began to ask me about the flyer/notice. I just reiterated what it said but he kept pressing on why the residents of the actual building don’t get childcare in their own building. I explain that I’m independent from the building. He kept on pressing saying it makes more sense that the people who live here get to have childcare access and I got a little snappy and said that if multiple weren’t complaining about noise in the past then maybe I wouldn’t have that notice.
I guess he spread the word around and now I’m getting some sticky notes on my door or complaints about noise before I even start daycare. AITA?
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Apr 3, 2024 17:48
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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"Neither of us drink, and our families are packed with full-blown alcoholics we insist on inviting.
The wedding will have an open bar.
We are very smart."
AITA for not inviting my eldest brother to my wedding.
quote:I f 30 am marrying my fiance 29 m in two month. I have 3 siblings 25m(sam), 37f(sara) and 42m(jake) . My mom got pregnant at 18 and gave birth to my eldest brother Jake . Jake and I are half siblings. Due to our age gape I never really bounded with my eldest brother. When I was 6 years old he went to college.
He used to call mom and dad(his stepdad) regularly to ask about me and my other siblings . But that's it nothing more than just normal "how are you" and "what are you doing" we never really hung out with him . Only my sister Sara was close to him , they used to talk alot , unlike me and sam. When ever he visited us he used to bring chocolates and gifts for us . And take me and my other siblings to lunch and dinner . As I grew up we started to drift apart. On there other hand I have very good relationship with my other siblings. Currently I and jake only talk like once month .
Now to the main issue, I am getting married to the love of my life . And we have planned a small wedding nothing big or extravagant . We are saving for a home and honeymoon. Since it is a small wedding both of us have decided to only invite close friends and family members. I have invited 4 friends and mom , dad , Sara, Sam, my grandmother form father side (only grandparent alive) . When I broke this new to the family all hell broke lose . I was expecting my mom to to be upset that I didn't invite my brother but almost everyone was upset including Sam which I didn't expect.
So turns out Sam wanted to become a software engineer and jake was a software engineer . For that reason he and jake started to talk more and jake guided Sam in his journey of becoming a software engineer . I on the other hand am lawyer. I didn't knew they reconnected .
All of them are saying I cannot do this to jake and he is also family. I have talked to jake and he said he is fine with not being invited but would appreciate if I reconsidered my decision as I was invited to his wedding .
My fiance is fine with inviting jake but I think only people who should be part of wedding are the once who love you and care about .
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Apr 4, 2024 19:31
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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AITA for kicking my brother's stepson out?
quote:my brother has a 14yo daughter Rosa. he recently married a woman who has a 16yo son Kai.
some backstory is that Rosa's mom left her when she was 9. she is in therapy but the damage was done and she is very insecure and thinks no one loves her and we are all gonna leave her even though we constantly assure her that we are not going anywhere.
when my brother got married he told us that Kai doesn't have any family other than her mom and asked us to welcome him in our family. we have been trying.
yesterday I invited everyone over. the kids were in my son's room playing with his PS5. 30 mins later my son came downstairs and asked me to come comfort Rosa because she is crying. apparently Rosa and Kai got in a fight and Kai told Rosa that her mom was right to leave her and everyone will do the same eventually.
I told my SIL to take that little POS and leave my house. I told them they are not welcome at my home ever again and the rest of my siblings also said the same. my brother also told her that Rosa and him will not be leaving and told her to take a taxi.
she started yelling at me and called me an rear end in a top hat and said I never react this way when Rosa is the one being mean. I told her to get out again and they left
Wow, that seems like a really lovely thing to say to someone. What exactly prompted Kai to say that to her?
OP posted:apparently Rosa told him something about every one of us only tolerating him out of pity. I don't know that's what my son says
redditor posted:Well, that was an equally mean thing for her to say to him. Sounds like they both need to apologize to each other.
OP posted:no this wasn't equal. she was messing around, he was being cruel
redditor posted:YTA. What he did was terrible. What she did was terrible. Deciding that she was messing around and he wasn't, you did EXACTLY what Rosa said. You tolerated him until he did something you didn't like. Rosa started that poo poo show.
Both kids need therapy and, from what it sounds like, adults who act like adults.
OP posted:no we don't know who started it that was just what my son heard. if I have to guess I say Josh (sic) started it because Rosa is usually a nice kid
OP posted:oh please he went from having no family and no money to having a family and a rich stepdad. Rosa is the one who has to deal with terrible changes
OP really let her mask slip off there.
The kids should apologize to each other. But man, the adults really failed the kids. OP (and her brother) suck worst of all
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Apr 7, 2024 21:10
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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Since we're feeling nostalgia for classic posts, here's my all time favorite one about open relationships
My(20m) gf(24f) wanted an open relationship and is now mad at me and wants it closed.
quote:So, me and my gf started dating roughly a year ago. It's a grey spot as to when we really started dating or I'd give an exact date.
So, three months ago, my gf comes to tell me she'd like to have an open relationship, experiment a little, etc. She's only slept with one guy before me, she wants to know what's out there, yatta yatta. Yeah, I was hurt, I expressed that I wasn't super keen on it, but she insisted. I figured she probably has someone lined up, and it's not like I plan to marry this girl, so whatever. Be free.
I lamented for a few days until my ex messaged me. She wanted to meet up, get some closure, cool beans. We go out, we talk a bit, she just got out of a relationship and I explain I'm apparently in an open one. She gave me a semi-pained look because she (and my gf) are aware of how much I value monogamy. We stayed and talked for a few more hours, I went to her place things almost got intimate and I stopped her until she mentioned it was an open relationship now. I nodded and didn't really not want sex, so we did it.
It really restored my confidence and helped me start to get into the open relationship thing. I'm a bi top so I ended up reinstalling grindr and haven't had a night where I can't find somethibg or someone to do. My gf and I occasionally had sex, and we still spoke to each other and stuff, but I never really mentioned who or how many people I was sleeping with. Afterall, she said this was about freedom, and I feel free as a bird. I still get to experience emotional comfort, affection, etc. With my gf and try new things and meet new people.
About two months ago I stopped feeling so depressed all the time and I started to work out more since one of the guys I've been sleeping with is really into yoga and cardio and asked if I'd like to get into it. I've lost a little over 20lb since and I'm still overweight but I physically feel much better.
Today, my gf shes really happy about the way things are and I couldn't have agreed more. I gave her a kiss and got up to go meet up with a girl my ex introduced me to. She really sweet, cute, overall a very fun person. The only other girl I've slept with since this started was my ex. I learned today I'm into a new kink and left after it was over. I walk into the house and gf is all over me. I start to undress, she start to give me head and stops 3 seconds in and asks me where I'd just been. I explain what happened and she gets up and tells me when need to talk.
I get dressed, sit on the couch with her, and she asks me if I've been sleeping with other people. I was like, yeah no poo poo it's an open relationship. She asked how many and I said I wasn't keeping track. Apparently that's the wrong loving answer because she burst into tears. She's only slept with two other dudes and it was just so she knew what her options were. I explained that she was free to do that and during that time I explored my options as well. She asked how many women I'd slept with. I said 2. She got mad and started screaming at me as to how I could lose count at two. I probably should have shut up right then and there, but instead I said, "Because I'd have to add the dudes in."
She went to the bedroom and cried for a while. About an hour ago she came out and demanded I: close the relationship, never speak to anyone I've been sleeping with again, and never talk about it again or she'd leave me.
????? I genuinely don't understand what she expected. She knew I was bi when we were just friends of friends. Why does it matter who I sleep with? I was genuinely enjoying being free like she told me to and I assumed she was too. It's not like I slept with her friends or anything, it was mostly dudes. And as much as I enjoy her companionship, I like the freedom this entails and I like having someone to work out with. I like learning about what I enjoy sexually. I'm having fun the EXACT way she asked me to. It's not like she wasn't sleeping with those guys frequently, so I don't get why she's upset. Why is what I did not okay?
UPDATE: My(20m) gf(24f) wanted an open relationship and is now mad at me and wants it closed.
quote:So, she came home at 12am to tell me she'd completed her "last hurrah" and was ready to talk. When I asked her what she meant she stated she slept with someone else for the last time and she was willing to call things even. She restated the terms, meaning I'd lose my workout buddy, the sweet girl I met today, my ex who cheered me up, and a few other dudes who I now speak to casually who I've slept with. I said I wasn't sure and I had some questions for her and she was willing to at least talk about things. I asked her if the two men she'd slept with she'd lined up before and she said yes. She admitted she found them more physically attractive than me and that was her motivation for it, that she, "didn't want to live life never knowing what it's like." When I asked her what she meant, she meant sleeping with someone who was fit. I was a little hurt, but I knew she wasn't really "wrong" so to speak. I'm not fit, it's something I'm working on, but I'm a little upset that her motivation had nothing to do with exploration and freedom outside of visuals. That it wasn't the sex but my body. That it wasn't even my personality, but the way I look and how much I weigh. I'd like to take a second and point out I actually weigh less than her overall. I'm 6'2" and 255lb and she's 5'3" 305lb. I've never had an issue with her weight, even the things that we couldn't do as a result didn't bother me.
She admitted she didn't think I could, and I quote, "con anyone into sleeping with you". She went on to say she doesn't understand how someone would want only to sleep with me and not the emotional stuff. I won't lie, I got mad, and I said some mean and vindictive things to hurt her because I felt hurt. I shouldn't have lost my cool and I did. I've posted the mean things she's said, so I don't feel it's right for me not to admit what I said. I told asked her how she managed to get these guys to sleep with her more than once and that lying down like the beached whale she was and gargling on her own spit was far from my ideal sexual partner but I never decided I'd rather gently caress someone else because of it. Apparently it hit too close to home because one of the guys would't talk to her anymore and the other dude told her she needed to be more proactive in bed. She called me a f****t and I told at least men want me to gently caress them and she started to crying. We yelled at each other for a while until it turned into me yelling at her while she cried until I left.
I realized how much more hurt I was about the whole open relationship thing and really unloaded on her. A lot of you liked to point out that I didn't plan to marry her, I want to remind you all this was 9 months into a relationship at 20 years old that I said yes. I'm not the brightest, but I don't think normally 20 year old men are planning to marry someone that early on when I don't have any real money or my own house and my car is a beater. I genuinely cared about her and before this I was planning to get an apartment with her. I'd saved up money and took her somewhere nice every month despite not having a lot of money. I'd participated in the relationship in ways I'd never felt compelled to before until she asked for an open relationship. I stayed up the first night alone crying because she didn't come home and she had the dude pick her up from her place while I was over and asked me to watch her place while she was gone. I kept thinking about if she got pregnant with someone else's kid and it tore me up. I didn't even feel like a man anymore. I said the next few days my ex messaged me, but when I look over the text and call logs it was two full weeks of me just going to work, coming home, and going to bed. I was hurt that my ex noticed how broken I was over this and that my girlfriend had bragged about how much fun she'd had her first night. It was a deep visceral pain that I buried with sex and I was so drat mad she had the audacity to be hurt over it. How dare she hurt me like that and then get mad at me for just to regain my confidence and make the best of things. I was furious, and it all spilled out at once.
I'm home, my roommate is home and he's making some cake and tea for us to eat and talk because I'm a mess right now. My workout buddy is coming over and offered to sleep (like, cuddling, not sex) with me tonight because he knows how much I was hurt about this. He's actually pulling in the drive way right now.
I'll try to respond to comments but I don't know how much longer we'll be up.
Tl;Dr We had a nasty breakup and I'm safe and at home with people.
Edit: I get she's my ex and all, but you guys really don't have to insult her weight. It was poor mannered of me to take that jab at her and it's not very kind. Although I don't think being overweight should be glorified (or normalized for that matter), but it's not very nice. Call people out for the things they say and the way they behave, not their appearance.
Edit 2: "he slept with 2 girls and some men from grindr. Obviously he's an incel" I think the word you're looking for is slut. I have low standards for looks and I offer to supply the weed in hookups, I could be 700lb and smell like anchovies and people would show up. Plus I offer to cook food for people and make breakfast for them if they spend the night, like I'm doing rn for workout bro since he has work in a few hours.
Final Edit: I love you all, except for that dude who told me my life will be an eternal hell for my sins and debauchery or something like that. I'm going to take a nap since I woke up to make gymbro food after like 2 hours of sleep. He'll be coming over later today to hang out. I'm much better but still very tired. Muah, be safe and use rubbers!
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Apr 17, 2024 05:14
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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She was stupid and impatient. That said, I read it as the mom died when the kid was 2. It's not like the kid will solidly remember the dead parent at that age, so I'm not really sure how stepmom hosed this one up so bad. Toddlers aren't difficult to befriend. You can hand them cheese and cookies and they'll be enamored with you.
Maybe the kid just has bad vibes.
You should reread. The mom died when he was 5 years old, a few months after dad and stepmom married. OP's fiancé still remembered his mom at that point.
It came from Ask a Manager: several business trips that went wrong
The naked man
quote:I traveled with my boss and grandboss a lot in a former job. One trip I arrived midmorning, got my hotel key, and then headed straight for the meeting in the hotel meeting space. It was a hectic day and I stayed a little late, gathered my belongings including grabbing my key which had fallen under another chair, looked at the key envelope for my room number, and went to my room. I walked into the room and there was my grandboss….naked. I screamed “what are you doing in my room?” While he screamed “you’re in my room!”…and then TRIPPED OVER THE BED trying to run away and was sprawled out buck naked on the floor.
The key and envelope I picked up were his! The room had two keys he’d had one in his wallet and didn’t know he’d lost the other. My key for my room was in my purse all along. He insisted on formally documenting in a letter to HR that he had not attempted to “lure me” to his room and was not “propositioning me professionally or personally.” I wanted to die.
PSA that’s why you should NEVER keep your key in that hotel envelope with the # written on it. You don’t know who is coming to rob or humiliate you.
The grudge
quote:My old department had an admin, “Jenny,” who was, even by her own admission, a little gruff. But she got the job done and her institutional knowledge was unparalleled. Jenny was easy to work with if you did basically professional things like say please, thank you, and respect her time. Jenny and one of our consultants, “Elizabeth,” did not get along and it was like the Hunger Games when they got going. From my perspective, Elizabeth could be really entitled and Jenny could hold a grudge but there were times it felt like Elizabeth’s personal life goal to get Jenny in trouble for every little thing.
Our field one huge annual conference that changes cities each year. One year it was held about 45 minutes away from our city, which was great and cut down on stressful travel time and costs for all of us. The one issue was that the city names were common like Columbus, Ohio and Columbus, Georgia. Jenny booked everyone for the conference like she did every year and Elizabeth was livid that Jenny didn’t book her flight or hotel. Me and several others did tell Elizabeth that there was no reason for flights or hotels this year as it was being held one city over but she was so angry and focused on getting Jenny in trouble that she booked her own flights and hotels. To the wrong city. Where the conference wasn’t being held.
I don’t know all the details but I do know Elizabeth missed the first three days of the conference because she flew to the wrong city. She got back mid-week and didn’t speak to any of us for the rest of the conference and we got a department-wide email reminding us that the company doesn’t pay personal expenses made in error. I do know that Jenny was in a very good mood for a few weeks after that and Elizabeth quit later that month.
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Apr 23, 2024 19:57
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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How much in ‘rent’ were they ‘charging’ you and were there no other jobs you could work to make it?
According to OP, it was $750 CAD a month which sounds excessive for a full time uni student during the pandemic years
Maybe the parents were using the money to supplement food bills. But since they were able to pay it back and aren't forcing OP's sister to work or pay rent, i don't think they needed the money.
Man, the snobby girlfriend who took back a compliment towards a designer bag when she found out it was thrifted. That's just an insane mentality, where designer clothing isn't intrinsically fancy or nice because the item itself is, but instead because of the full retail cost being class signifier.
I know a plumber who is also like the best dressed dude I've ever met. Not only does he have the nicest clothes, he knows HOW to dress. But, he never buys anything new, he's like a level 99 thrifter. He actually had a woman walk out on a date with him when she found out the upscale clothing he was wearing which would retail probably for close to $2k was actually carefully acquired 2nd hand or weird sales for like $200. Said he was misrepresenting himself and used language like she was accusing him of being a predator and trying to gaslight women into thinking he's rich when he isn't. She knew he was a plumber, so it wasn't like she thought he was rich. To her it was like a "stolen valour" thing.
For some people the attraction of clothing or accessories isn't objectively how they look, it's literally just about how much that costs and what that signals.
LMAO get bent lady
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Apr 25, 2024 19:20
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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my boss wants us to meet with a spiritualist to fix the negative energy in our building
quote:A reader writes:
I work at a small nonprofit and recently the employee with the longest institutional knowledge just left her position because of the years of abuse, micromanagement, and overwork she endured.
Now, the executive director is trying to set up an all-staff meeting with a “spiritualist” so that she can figure out why there has been so much negative energy in the building. Setting aside the issue that she will find any way to avoid responsibility for her bad behavior, I feel deeply offended that I’m being required to attend a consultation and a subsequent “cleansing.” I don’t have a connection with this sort of spiritual practice and it feels unethical to require staff attendance, but is it illegal?
Best,
Disgruntled Nonprofit Employee Attempting to Leave a Toxic Work Environment
Yes! Or rather, it would be illegal if they refused to let you opt out if you frame it as a religious accommodation.
Say this: “My religious tradition doesn’t permit me to participate in that, so I will not be attending.”
Religious accommodations apply to lack of faith as well as faith, by the way. Legally, your employer cannot require you to participate in someone else’s religious or spiritual ritual/observance/practice if it’s contrary to your own bona fide religious beliefs or lack thereof.
If you’re told your boss wants you there anyway, say this: “We can’t legally require that and could get in trouble for trying to.” If you need to cite the law, it’s Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.
Caveat: that law only applies to organizations with 15 or more employees, although some states have laws that kick in at lower numbers. If you’re not covered … well, honestly, you might try it anyway because your boss sounds clueless enough that she might not figure that out. Otherwise, just call in sick.
Also, I hope she hires this man.
"Am I to blame for a toxic and overbearing work environment? No, it's the building that is wrong."
Also, "this man" was a reference to an older question:
my boss thinks he is a mayan shaman
quote:A reader writes:
I took employment at a nonprofit as an economic researcher about seven months ago. Overall, I love my job and what I get to do and helping people, but there is one major issue: My boss, who is the founder and head of the organization, thinks he is a mayan shaman. I am not joking.
He spends crazy amounts of money (sometimes company money) to fund his “spiritual projects” and recently has been telling me to do ludicrous projects like comparing chakra colors in different cultures and staring at a candle to find a sacred angle. Seriously. I’ve been able to handle it just fine until now. He is getting crazier by the day and I don’t know how to handle it anymore because if I tell him anything, he will say the “darkness has possessed me” and then be uncommunicative when I need information.
What can I do? Is there anything, because I don’t want to quit my job but this is getting out of hand. He sends texts to us at the middle of the night with his “visions” and when one of our employees was pregnant he would call it the “christ child” and say that one quarter of the DNA must be his. I swear this is not a fake situation or question.
Shamans have to have day jobs, I guess.
And he’s welcome to believe he’s a shaman. Who knows, maybe he is. But the problem here is that he’s letting his spiritual beliefs interfere with work and apparently misusing the organization’s resources.
But I doubt there’s a lot you can do here. This is your boss, the head of the organization, and ultimately he’s calling the shots here. If you really wanted to try to get this addressed, you’d have two options: Talk to him directly, or talk to the board of directors.
If you talk to him directly, I’d say something like this: “Percival, I respect your religious beliefs, but I’m not comfortable discussing religion at work or being given religious assignments to work on. I was hired to do economic research and our organization isn’t religious in nature. Is there a way for us to work well together without bringing religion into it?” Ideally, you’d do this with a group of coworkers who feel the same as rather than on your own; it’s harder to ignore a group of employees than one lone one — but either way, it’s a reasonable thing to say.
That said, will it work? I doubt it. This is a guy who’s telling you that darkness has possessed you and claiming some sort of parentage over a quarter of an employee’s baby. In other words, probably not open to reasoned conversation on these topics.
So that leaves you with the second option: Talk to the board. Every nonprofit is required to have a board of directors that serves as its ultimate governing body and which is responsible for ensuring that the organization is well managed and fiscally sound. The board is basically this guy’s boss — even though he’s the founder and even though he’s in charge of day-to-day operations. He might have a seat on the board, but there are presumably other board members, which means that he can be outvoted.
The board would presumably want to know that the head of the organization is using resources to find sacred candle angles and freezing out employees when he thinks the darkness has possessed them.
But that said … unless you care passionately about this organization and want to take an active role in getting this situation straightened out, your better bet might be to leave. This isn’t likely to change overnight, there’s likely to be some tension if you go to the board, and — maybe most importantly — do you really trust this guy’s leadership, even if he cools it with the shamanism talk at work? I mean, let’s say that the board puts a stop to all the behavior you’ve written about, and it even happens quickly — you’re still going to be working at an organization led by a guy who thought all of this was reasonable to begin with. Is that the job you want?
In light of that, it might make sense to skip past all these steps and just start working on leaving.
(Alternately, maybe just embrace the whole thing and have him influence the spirit world in your favor. That could be useful too.)
Update: My boss thinks he’s a mayan shaman
quote:His shamanistic tendencies were really getting to me, and I tried going through the board but that didn’t work. We couldn’t do much because, well, basically people are worried that he would dissolve the whole charity.
So I posted a religious studies internship to the university that is close by and found someone for that. Essentially what I did was I hired him and told my boss (the shaman) that the intern was going to work on all the things he needs that don’t pertain to the charity. So I diverted the problem by hiring an intern.
Interestingly enough, the intern does enjoy his job and I actually have gotten work done! We just secured a $7,500 grant since and it has been fairly smooth. I still get bothered sometimes but things are a lot better.
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Apr 25, 2024 19:59
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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AITA for not revealing that I speak Chinese?
quote:So I'm a grad student at the moment, and I run tutorials as part of my TA duties. Essentially the tutorials consist of two parts: a 10 minute presentation where I review what the students learned in lectures in the previous week, and then 45 minutes of problem solving, where they're set some work to do and I offer help if they need it.
Now I generally encourage students to work together, so I have no problem with people talking as they work as long as they don't disrupt other people. There are about 20 students in the group, split into 5 tables of 4, and I sort of wander between them to see if they need assistance. One of the groups in my class this semester is made up of Chinese international students, who generally speak Chinese to each other, even in class.
Now for some background. I'm Chinese myself, but I'm a second gen immigrant with an English first name. I speak Chinese perfectly well, but I've inherited my parents' accent (they come from a village in rural South China), which makes me sound like the Chinese equivalent of a red neck. I've been bullied for it in the past so I generally stick to English where possible. As a result, the students were not aware that I understand Chinese (according to my grandpa, it's a stereotype that 2nd gen immigrants speak Chinese poorly or not at all).
Anyway, I was walking around at the end of class a few weeks back when I hear one of the Chinese students poo poo-talking me. She was on the phone and said a bunch of fairly insulting things about the class, my teaching ability and my dress sense. I waited for her to stop, then said, in Chinese, "You know it's quite rude to insult people where they can hear you."
She went completely white, stammered out an apology about not realizing that I understood her, and ran from the class. I thought it was hilarious at the time, and told this story to some of my friends. Most of them thought it was pretty funny, but one of them said that I shouldn't have been so harsh. She thinks I should have either interrupted her while she was still talking rather than waiting for the end, or pulled her aside after class to avoid embarrassing her in front of everyone.
I pointed out that the girl had insulted me first, and was simply facing consequences. At the time I felt completely in the right. However, she's not been in class since, and I'm wondering if I was too harsh? There's no credit for attendance, so there's no direct consequences for missing the tutorials, but it's coming up to exams and missing the revision sessions is quite bad.
tl;dr embarrassed a girl in my class by pointing out that I understood her insulting me. She's not come to my class since. AITA?
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Apr 26, 2024 21:41
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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but jfc next time just text and say that you have a medical emergency (which he did not do once, btw)
At the risk of starting a pedantic argument over semantics, I would think that texting "[needing] to go to the hospital" qualifies as saying that he has a medical emergency.
But yes, treating pain is more important than any shame, and next time he should call 911 immediately.
AITA for calling my brothers girlfriend ridiculous when she said my brother painting my nails was "creepy"?
quote:I (33F) met my brother (30M)'s girlfriend (29F) at a family dinner last night, they've been dating for six months and now things are getting slightly more serious he wanted her to meet me and our parents. Things were going well and we were all having a nice time, after dinner when we were all having drinks my brother told me my nails were driving him nuts and jokingly asked me if i'd painted them blindfolded. Now I felt i'd done a good job with them but I have shaky hands and of the two of us he's always been better at painting nails as he was a goth in Highschool.
He stated he couldn't take staring at them and went to our parent room to raid our Mums makeup. Then at the dining table he removed my polish and began to paint them afresh, this is nothing new to our family and basically summed up our teenage years. Our parents laughed and joked about it and all the times we'd gotten nail polish on various tables. My Brothers girlfriend seemed uncomfortable and was quiet and just drinking her wine, I asked her if she was ok and she mumbled she was fine but as my brother kept painting my nails she seemed more and more uncomfortable. He picked up on it and checked if she was ok pausing in painting my nails.
His girlfriend then shrugged and said it was just odd to her and honestly seemed creepy to her, as it was just so strange. This had us all a bit baffled and we laughed a little uncomfortably unsure what to say about this, she seemed to get upset by this though and and stressed it was creepy and normal families aren't like this. I got a touch annoyed at this and told her she was being ridiculous and there is nothing at all creepy about painting nails.
The mood dipped a lot after this and she asked my brother to take her home, he complied but clearly wasn't happy. In hindsight i'm worried maybe I took it too far calling her ridiculous, I just didn't like her calling what was a bonding moment for me and my brother in our youth "creepy" but I perhaps should have read into her thinking it's not normal for families to be like this, perhaps her home life wasn't as nice as ours growing up. I just worry I was too harsh considering it was our first meeting. Maybe I should reach out to her to try and apologise? I texted my brother today to see if things were ok on the drive home and he said it'd been mostly silent and she hasn't talked to him today and he's just honestly confused by her reaction.
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Apr 28, 2024 18:10
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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AITA for calling my bf back to cuddle?
quote:I had a flight to catch today at 8am (spoiler, I missed it).
Last night we got everything ready for the morning and decided to set our alarms.
It takes roughly an hour to get to the airport, and I wanted to be there 1.5h before the flight there (no checked in luggage so it usually only takes me ~30/40 min) so we decided to wake up at 5am to leave at 5.30am.
Now, we both knew and agreed tho this.
Morning comes, the alarms ring, and we wake up. My bf gets up very quickly and goes out of the room without saying anything. I hear him go to the study to continue setting up a laptop.he started doing last night before we went to sleep. Now, normally we wake up, cuddle, then get ready and leave. So I call to him "hey, don't you want to cuddle?" He shouts back yes and comes to bed. We snuggle, all is good. 5.22, I'm slowly starting to get ready (took a shower the night before so I wouldn't have to in the morning) so I just needed to get dressed in my pre-planned outfit, takes me only around 2 minutes Again, 5.22 he asks me again, what time do we want to leave? And I respond, 5.30, like we said.
He goes to take a shower. I'm.thinking oh this will be close, I remind him what the time is at 5.28 and 5.30, starting to stress out a bit. He keeps saying yes I'm.comkng out, gets out at 5.32 and then gets ready. We got in the car around 5.40, so 10 minutes after we agreed.
Now, 10 minutes is not a lot and usually would be okay, it's the fact that on our way there was a crash and we were stuck in traffic for forever, not sure exactly how long. I get to the airport with 26 minutes till my flight takes off, run through the airport to get to my gate and be told it just closed, less than 5 minutes before I got there. Its 7.51am.
Now, his point of view is that even if he didn't get ready late we mightve still been stuck in the traffic even longer. That's true, but I think we would've been at the front of it so I'd still have the extra 10.minutes.
Another thing is, he's upset im blaming him for driving late. He says, that he did get up at 5 but I called him back to bed to cuddle. I said to him that that's true, but he knows the time we want to leave by so if he wanted to take a shower (which I didn't know about) it's up to him to get up and cut the cuddling short if he knows he needs more time getting ready. I don't think it's my fault just because I asked if he wanted to cuddle, I feel like if I knew I still needed to shower I'd cuddle for a bit and get up in time to shower and get ready by the time we agreed on, however he doesn't see it that way.
I know this whole situation would've been completely irrelevant if not for the traffic jam, but the 10 extra minutes would've been the make or break in this situation for me.
Maybe im just stubborn and can't see that it is partially my fault for us leaving late, like he says. I just think it's not up to me to make sure he gets up and ready on time.
AITA for calling my bf back to bed to cuddle?
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Apr 29, 2024 18:19
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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AITA: broke sister won’t pay back rich brother
quote:Two years ago, I lent my sister $3,000 to be repaid when our $30k inheritance from our grandmother came in. It was supposed to come in within months, but it took forever due to numerous reasons.
During those two years, my sister and her husband went into debt to have a six-figure wedding. Shortly after, it appears both of them starting having issues with their incomes and have also been struggling debt. Her husband owns a few restaurants, apparently they aren’t doing well enough to support their lifestyle. Just a complete and utter financial disaster.
I patiently wait for the inheritance to finally come in, and then my sister messages me saying she is not going to pay me until she fixes her situation. They are selling their share of a business and I’ll get paid then.
After some months of waiting I message her:
“Hey do you have an update on repaying me? I was supposed to get paid back after the inheritance came. My loan to you was just 10% of the inheritance. What did you do with the inheritance funds?”
I asked her what she did with the inheritance funds because unless it was used to pay down debt immediately, I don’t see any justification for not paying me. I heard she have invested a portion of it in the market. I strongly feel that paying me back takes precedence over investing (gambling?) it in the market.
Her response in full:
Do you sit in [location] and think hmmmm
Let me ask my sister for 3k
“What did you do with the inheritance funds”
Like what are you on about
It’s called, we are actively trying to fix our situation
So no I am not paying you 3k until I do
And that is my final answer
If you would like to complain more when your net worth is SIGNIFICANTLY more than mine
I have explained very clearly that [husband] does not have a salary
If you message me again about this until I tell you that we’re good, do not expect me to speak to you again
I have been more stressed out than I’ve ever been in my life
And I will not have my multi millionaire brother be on my rear end about 3k
Get some loving empathy
———
So my position here is pretty clear. The debt was 3k. We received 30k inheritance from our sweet grandmother. If things aren’t dire enough that they have money to invest in the market from that 30k, then that is money that should be paid to me first. End of story.
My current financial standing is irrelevant here, and is just an excuse to not do what is right.
Some are asking whether I have proof of original agreement. Yes I do, over text.
So, AITA? Do I need more empathy?
Yeah, just eat the loss, my dude. But also lol, his sister is bad with money
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May 1, 2024 23:19
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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I don't think the first part of this post was shared in here yet. But either way, op posted an update.
My (26F) friend's (26F) boyfriend (28M) gave me an inappropriately expensive gift for my birthday. How do I react?
quote:Hey everyone,
Last week, I celebrated my birthday with my friend group. We're all fairly close, and whilst we've never discussed presents/gifts explicitly, we all kind of naturally fell into an unspoken pattern around what kind of birthday gifts we give to each other: we do gifts, but they're usually in the 10-40 Euro range. Think things like a book, a voucher for theater tickets, maybe a nice bottle of wine. That kind of stuff. We're all young professionals or grad students, and that just fits our general income level.
A good friend of mine brought her boyfriend to the party, and he gave me a gift of his own, separate from my friend's. Without going into too much detail, it was a small object that had a very thoughtful connection to a trip I took in winter. I was genuinely very thankful for the gift and thought it was lovely.
However, when I unpacked the item at home, something about it just caught my eye. Certain parts of the item that I would have expected to be made of glass didn't....look like glass. I ended up googling the maker's mark on the bottom and found the exact same item online, for the price of....750 Euros!
Now. It'd be one thing if this guy was a trust fund kid for whom that kind of money was just peanuts. I'd still feel uncomfortable, but at least there'd be some logic to this then. But my friend's relationship with this guy already has massive problems, largely centred around him being underemployed and making her pick up the tab for their shared lifestyle to an undue degree. We honestly all expect the relationship to fizzle out soon, because they obviously aren't compatible in some key aspects. So now I've got this 750-Euro-item on my shelf, and I've no clue how to handle this. It feels extremely inappropriate to have this thing. I'd feel uncomfortable accepting this sort of gift from almost anyone I know, but the fact that it's a) a friend's romantic partner (I'm gay and her boyfriend knows, but still) and b) said friend has issues with her partner's handling of his finances just makes it even worse. It's also a highly specific item that I don't think he'd be likely to just have, so I'm pretty certain he must have bought this for the occasion and must be aware of its value.
What do I do? My friend seems to be totally unaware of the value of the item. Do I tell her? Do I contact the boyfriend and ask him what the gently caress he was thinking? How would you handle this?
TL;DR: Friend's boyfriend gave me 750-Euro birthday gift. Friend seems to be unaware of true value of the item and already has issues with boyfriend's handling of money. How do I handle this?
UPDATE: My friend's boyfriend gave me an inappropriately expensive birthday gift (turns out he stole it. From his MUM.)
quote:To summarise the original post: My (26F) friend's (26F) perpetually broke boyfriend (28M) gave me a gift for my birthday. It initially looked like a thoughtfully chosen, normal gift with a lovely connection to a recent trip to my mother's homecountry I took in winter, but after growing suspicious of the quality of the materials, I realised that it was in fact an antique worth hundreds of Euros. Theories as to what happened included him not being aware of the item's value, possibly having bought it from someone who didn't know what they were selling, or him trying to somehow hurt his girlfriend/my friend and/or trying to hit on me in a bizarre, inappropriate way.
I ended up texting my friend and telling her that I had researched the gift and discovered it was worth a very inappropriate amount of money. She was VERY surprised by the entire situation, especially considering her boyfriend (now ex, but more on that later) is perpetually broke and makes her foot the bill for their shared lifestyle. She came over to my place and together, we called him on speakerphone, where she demanded some answers. Long story short: He STOLE it. From his OWN MOTHER.
He's still being a bit shady about some details, but we managed to piece together the sequence of events to a satisfactory degree:
My friend was supposed to be coming to my birthday party straight from work. When she left her office, she realised she had forgotten the gift she had planned for me (a book) at home. Since she was already running late and her place is pretty far from both her work and my flat, she chose to text her boyfriend, who was having dinner at his parent's home at the time. She knew he was there, and knew his parents live close to me, so she asked him to just buy a copy of the same book at a bookshop on his way to my place so they'd have a gift.
For reasons known only to him, he did not choose this simple, reasonable solution to the 'we forgot our gift' issue. Instead of leaving five minutes early to pick up another copy of the book, he instead chose to just GRAB A RANDOM ITEM OFF HIS MOTHER'S LIVING ROOM SHELF. WITHOUT ASKING HER. He had no idea what it was, just thought it looked pretty, took it, and stuffed it in a paper bag. He also did not text back my friend or react to her calls, so she (reasonably) assumed he hadn't read her message and ended up going BACK to get the book, which was why they arrived separately and with separate gifts.
Meanwhile, the boyfriend had unknowingly gifted me not just any antique, no! This item had been passed down to his mother from her THREE-TIMES-GREAT-GRANDMOTHER. It had been in his family's possession for literal centuries, and was the ONLY tangible connection she (his mother) still had to her homecountry, which, incidentally, is also my mother's homecountry - which he wasn't aware of, meaning that what I thought was a thoughtful connection to my trip there was a total coincidence! He had no idea of the item's cultural significance.
My friend immediately made him call his mum to fess up to the entire situation. His mother had been running herself ragged trying to figure out where this item disappeared to for DAYS. Obviously, she never suspected thievery, and was blaming herself terribly for having lost something this important. The boyfriend ACTUALLY HAD THE GALL to try to convince her not to make her call his mum! He wanted to sweep the entire thing under the rug! Of course, we didn't let that happen.
His mother came by my place this morning and I returned the item to her, along with some apologies for not starting investigations immediately and some nice chocolate. We had a lovely conversation about our shared cultural heritage, I assured her that the item had been treated with dignity for the entire time it was in my possession, and we parted ways with a hug. She also told me that my initial estimate of the item's value was incorrect- it's actually worth EVEN MORE money, because it's even older than I initially thought. It would probably sell for a four-figure sum at auction.
I don't know what she wants to do with her son, but I hope she whoops his rear end. My friend, for obvious reasons, broke up with him.
Lessons learned: Google suspicious gifts, and lock away your sentimentals/valuables when people you're not entirely sure about come over. The GALL of this man.
Tl;dr: The suspiciously expensive gift was, in fact, stolen. The boyfriend swiped it off his mum's shelf, not knowing what it was or how much it was worth. I returned it to her and hope she whoops his rear end.
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May 5, 2024 15:04
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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A diamond poop knife is the only thing that can cut through the hardest of poops
what the hell IS this apparently diamond-studded item
She finally gave up details:
OP posted:Alright, alright - it's super specific, but it's a special kind of religious devotional triptych made, in the case of 'my' particular one, of silver and real loving rubies. They're called 'travel triptychs' and common in my family's home region, though, of course, they aren't usually made of silver and gemstones. I initially grew suspicious because of the maker's mark a) saying that it's silver and b) specifically saying that it's 800 silver, which is a kind of silver used only up to the 1800s (modern silverwork uses 925 silver, aka 'sterling silver'). The religious aspect wasn't very meaningful to me, but my family's home city is famous for its silversmithing, and my mother's family were silversmiths, and the item specifically is BEAUTIFUL. Of course it is, it's a thousand-dollar antique inlaid with loving rubies.
Suuuuuper specific. This fucker basically accidentally gave me a gift that would have been, if it had come from someone else, pretty drat amazing.
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May 5, 2024 15:46
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May 17, 2024 01:32
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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AITA for not warning my wife about my rear end rag?
The lesson is never buy a house with only one toilet, and OP's wife should have let him have a bidet in OP's toilet.
Or she could stop being weird first so OP wouldn't have to out-weird her.
AITA for bringing a generic product vs the name brand I was asked to bring?
quote:This seems so silly to me but it became such a big deal, I have to ask.
Last weekend, my girlfriend’s family hosted a BBQ. I was always raised to never show up anywhere empty-handed, so I asked my girlfriend’s mom what I could bring. She asked that I grab the Cool Hwip for a dessert she was making.. Easy enough. I figured it won’t be hard to find, so, I decide to wait until morning of to grab it on my way there.
Well, I get to the store about 20 minutes before the BBQ starts and they’re somehow out of the name brand. They did, however, have the store brand’s “whipped topping”. As I didn’t have time to go to another grocery store, I just bought the generic brand and headed off. Upon arrival, I hand the bag to my girlfriend’s mom. She opens it, looks inside and gets a weird look on her face. She asks where the Cool Hwip is. I say the store was out, but this is pretty much the same thing, right? She looks a little irritated with me but just tells me to make myself at home. As I’m putting my stuff down, I hear her asking her husband to r un to the store and grab the Cool Hwip. I can’t hear the entire conversation, but he must have asked didn’t I bring it because I then hear her say “I asked for one thing and he couldn’t even deliver”.
Nothing else was said directly to me, but there were a few passive-aggressive remarks throughout the BBQ. Such as when her husband arrived, name brand in hand, calling him her “hero”. When the dessert was served, she again made a comment about how it’s made with “real Cool Hwip”. I didn’t want to make a scene, so I took it on the chin.
When talking to my girlfriend about it later, she said that her mom was overdramatic but I should’ve called her to ask if generic was okay. Or I could’ve gone to a different store. I asked if there was really a difference and she said she doesn’t know, but it was what I was asked to bring, so I should’ve communicated better. Again, this all sound so stupid but…am I the rear end in a top hat?
OP shouldn't have waited until the last minute, and should have gotten what was directly requested. But that doesn't excuse the mil for being hilariously passive-aggressive. And if it was so important to have the terrible topping, she should have gotten the Cool Hwip herself.
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May 10, 2024 15:05
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Apr 2, 2024 16:26
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